INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours
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Deb, Anesthesia has effects for several days post surgery. That may be contributing to your tears. I just asked DH if he witnessed the bandage removal. Neither of us thought he did, although he saw it right afterwards. And waiting to get the lab report is extremely stressful. Perhaps the most stressful of the entire experience. Here's hoping you get it soon and it's good news. Until you get the lab report, you don't know what the future holds - and that is really stressful too. You'll feel better once you know what's going to happen and you have a plan. Then, if you need chemo or rads, you can ask for rides from people who offer to help. At least until you're comfortable driving. I get together with a friend every Saturday. She drove every week for almost 2 months. It was very much appreciated.
Welcome here. I think it's pretty ok to talk about everything that concerns you here. It seems like most topics start off with a theme, then people get to know each other, and it's more like having coffee with friends.
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Okay midnightDeb! See, Cammi just sort of runs all her words together sometimes.... But we couldn't make sense of it all if she didn't. She CAN spell, but ever so often, she relapses.... and pretends it is not her fault.... And Cam, WHAT did you tell her? That he can have a real feel? I think he has already.
Deb, seriously.... I think it's just part of being married.... You would help him out, if he needed you.... and I just know, it wouldn't bother him, to see this.... My DH had to help me clean all my stuff up to.... He is a PARAMEDIC! Piece of cake!
After I picked my DH up off the floor, when he was cleaning and changing my pads and drains, we were fine! It's just too hard to do it yourself! DD helped me one time, and she felt worse than I did! So just trust him.... He is there to help you..... Mine got all fidgety, and afraid he wouldn't do it right, but just act like he is doing a great job. THEN make him cook you dinner....
Or take you out! Pat him on the back, and say "good-job Dude!" Just kidding.... It won't be long, that your tears will not come as often! You will feel better, though, if you just have a special place to let those tears out, instead of letting your loved ones know how you are hurting.... It hurts them too....
Oh yes.... you can always ask for some kind of meds to help you through this, if you think that would help. You are STILL very new to this though.... I'm so glad you can talk to us! We will take care of you.... okay? xoxoxo
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Well said Lilli!!!!!!
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Blessings - I saw KY at some WalMart in the past few weeks in the pump bottle size. Even I thought that was a little extreme. No more shocking clerks with giant economy sizes though as no more baby goats coming here.
Midnightdeb - I don't think there is a topic here. We are wide ranging. Food, furniture, jobs - Cami that means you, jokes, seriousness, support, hugs. Ignore the insomnia part (not a requirement to join in here) but there are people on here all times of day for support of those who can't sleep. And don't apologize for doing anything wrong. Just keep talking and being yourself. Social politeness is the same on here. My DH is also a "weenie" with medical things. He took excellent care of me though no bandages only surgical glue. He's doctored many a mole removed by dermatologist and C-section incision. Now if it was his incision I'd prob. have to prop him up and use smelling salts lol.
When do you expect the path results?
I don't know either how I found this. I still have some Komen bookmarks but abandoned it when I found BCO. Though later going thru hosp. literature I did find a BCO brochure. I only found BCO while out post surgical darn it.
2nd time - I'm 2 pages behind and I was caught up last night.
Well, once again I haven't posted this since I started it this morning. Weather has moved thru, big sleet, cold. Roads will be nasty tonight but not now.
Between here and STFU I can't count the nurses - me, Sassy, Julianna, Sweet Pea - who else?
Dutchiris - hope you fluy symptoms are better. I think even if you get the flu after a flu shot symptoms are lessened. Remember in 2008 when the flu shot missed one of the strains. I got the shot and still got the flu. My doc said congrats you're my 1st pt to get the shot and have a positive flu test. RahRah.
Wren - I like that - coffee with friends.
Posting before I get further behind.
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Morning all, oops nearly lunch time. Haven't been on much because I have had really bad head ache - not sure why but think its a cluster migraine again which I could do without. Also very bad joints oh well such is life and I suppose I just have to get up, put my big girl panties on and get on with things.
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Hello Alyson, sorry you are hurting....
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Holeinone - I like that you think of this place as your hideaway. That is a great way to think of it. Talking to my friends and family helps, but I have a tendency to hide my true emotions. Guess in some weird way I am trying to protect them. I don't want them to know how much I hurt right now. I don't want them to know I feel like I am dying inside. They are a great group, please don't get me wrong...I just can't seem to bring myself to admit to them how alone I feel. It's almost as if someone has taken my place. I don't feel like Deb anymore. I'm not one to complain or feel sorry for myself. I'm emotional, but don't cry in front of others. I hate that this has changed me. I know I have to accept it, but it's hard for me to put into words. I'm hoping you all get what I am trying to say because as I type I know I must sound nuts.
You mentioned food...omg...if one more person around my house asks me if I have eaten...ugh! I am definitely not an emotional eater. Actually, the exact opposite. The thought of food is turning my stomach.
Camillegal- Hard to give up the superwoman role. I know you are right, but it just stinks!
Wren44- I hope you are right and the anesthesia is contributing to the water works over here. Wow! (btw...they are back again)
Chevyboy- Okay, I will admit...your post got a bit of a grin outta me. Thank you, and thank you for taking care of me. xo I think I will wait on any meds to help with the depression stuff for now. Like you said, this is all fairly new right now. It hasn't even been a month since I got the call that has forever changed me.
Luvmygoats- I love the coffee with friends comment as well. I happen to drink a lot of the stuff...and even though I'm not much of a "drinker"...I'm wondering if some Baileys in my coffee would help or make the tears worse?
I'm expecting my path results wed or thurs. So unbelievably nervous about them. I have read on so many sites about how women have to go back for additional surgeries for clean margins. That terrifies me. My DH tells me to stay away from google...it's not helping, but I need to prepare myself. I'm not all gloom and doom, but I have been accused from time to time of being a bit OCD. I like to think of it as being prepared. Hoping for the best, but understanding the worst. I'm sorry my post is so long. I am so sad ladies! I don't even like me right now.
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Deb please know we pretty much all changed--well not so much me--I've always been lazy and this has given me more credence to be lazy. so I', good. But everyone gets that shock nd u'r DH is right stay away from google--u can't prepare with google scaring the sh*t our of u, so don't give it a chance to. Right now u'r in a sad place not really knowing what's going to happen, but once u find out--u actually start feeling better because u'r Drs. work as a team and figure everything out for u to do and things get started so u'r on a better road. We all understand and most of us have been thru pretty much everything and look at us now. We're certainly over a hump but now we like each other so we stivk around LOL So just know a lot of this will pass, and we can get u thru the rest. And u'd better drink lots of water and when the nurses start they tell u exactly what to eat for nutrition. I just know veggies are good.
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mdmghtdeb, if your best friend or family member, sister, sister-in-law, had breast cancer, you would be sad for them & supportive but until your walking in those shoes you cannot get it...that's the way I look at it. I hate it when someone tells me how I feel, or the worst, just think positive....I want to haul off and hit them...So, I smile and nod... Sadly, you will get comments that are very annoying and condescending.
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Holeinone - Yep, been getting a lot of those comments. I really hate it as well when people around me tell me how and what I should/shouldn't be feeling. I actually had one person tell me, "time to buck up girl!". Really?
Camillegal - I honestly thought google would help make sense out of this. A couple people told me (not people on here), to read read read as much as I possibly can. To research every aspect of this. ...but yes, it has now scared the sh*t out of me!
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Just checking in during the Super Bowl halftime. I haven't been here in so long. Deb3,sorry you are going thru this, but you will get so much support here. Alyson, hope your headache goes away soon. Chevy, my friend, I feel your pain over Lacee. It was so difficult having my dog Truffles put to sleep Jan 7...still feeling her energy in the house. I tear-up when something reminds me of her, then I smile for having known her.
Still trying to get my immune system back in shape. I get sick every other week it seems. Saw a nutritionist last week. She said its okay to continue South Beach eating plan, but cut animal protein back to 6 ounces per day, and keep sodium under 2400 grams per day ....hopefully I'll never have another kidney stone.
So anyone watch Super Bowl just for the commercials?
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Happy Birthday dutchiris!
mdnightdeb, I also feel like a different person. Normally I enjoy spending time with people and helping out and these days I just want to be left alone. I haven't seen my family in a year. When I was first diagnosed, they all wigged out. I didn't have time for their drama then and I don't want it now. I needed to pull my head in and conserve my energy. I didn't want to hear 20 questions, have people stopping by day and night or answer the phone which rang off the hook. I had 5 siblings and a dad and they each had an opinion about how I was suppose to feel, act, and what kind of treatment I needed. I was even told this wasn't about me. Really? My getting breast cancer is about you?
They finally got the message that I wanted to be left alone. Someday I may feel like I want to reconnect, but for now I am content to concentrate on me and what I need to get better and heal. My husband has been my rock and a few friends who understand that the days when I have energy I reach out to them and they are okay with that. That's what makes them wonderful friends.
You are entitled to your feelings and know yourself best. If you're feeling especially sad and upset, don't hesitate to talk to your doctor though. Situational depression can be helped with medication if necessary. It helped me get through those first months.
Reading things online is scary! Even this forum scared the crap out of me in the beginning. I'd see the post titles and just fall to pieces. I needed time to process everything.
I am totally bored by the Superbowl!
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Smaarty - Tomorrow's the day, right? In your pocket for implants. You'll be great.
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Bluebird144,
I agree, especially this Super Bowl, ......so boring, so one-sided.
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Bluebird...they told you this wasn't about you??? Omg!!! That is awful!! I'm so sorry!!!
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I hope one day I will be able to support my new found friends the way you have all reached out and hugged me yesterday and today! It is too early for me to offer advice, but please know that I am learning from all of you...and for me, it's priceless! I have read each and every post and will continue to do so. I'm just not able to help anyone else being such a newbie. I need to get through the next few steps (path results especially). Please accept my sincere thanks and I am sending all of you big hugs!!!
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Mnd/Deb- Bluebird is so right. We all get a lot of unsolicited advice around our medical care, what we should be thinking, feeling, eating, you name it! I think when people feel helpless they try to offer whatever they think they have to offer. Many times it is not what you need or want, and you just have to tell them what you want, from "I need a ride" to "I will contact you when I am ready to reconnect."
I kept my diagnosis and treatment relatively private for professional reasons, but also knew there were people in my family and friendship network that would probably not be helpful, and add would more stress to my situation. I was pleasantly surprised to have some people I did not know as well really help me in ways I never expected, and some closer friends I thought would be better about the whole thing just not get it at all. It helped me to deepen some relationships and some fell away after my diagnosis. You will find out who your really good friends are through all this (I know I did). And you may be repeatedly surprised by the kindness of strangers.
I read somewhere the people who are best supporting you through this are either people who have gone through it (like us) or those that have supported someone else who has gone through any kind of cancer. This site is great to talk about things when there is no one else to talk about.
I hope you find yourself with all the love and support you need. We will be here with you as you get your pathology results.
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Oh I'm so confused--Bluebird how could this not be about u and only u of course it affects so many but it's all about u that they were affected==O my stars.
Well my cousin niece, my sister and I--the last 3 had it at the same time--so we of course blamed my cousin and she shed the blame to my mom who started this in the 1950's. But wehen we get together and we're deciding something I always say the decision is going to be made by all those who have no boobs, so we can decide on anything we want. hahaha BTW we are very close family and when my sister calls and I happen to have a cold after I say hello, my sister always says u sound like u have a cold? And of course I say yes and then I say I've never been so sick in my whole entire life--she usually hangs up on me, So I'm a drama queen who's a baby. So just be glad u don't have me to put up with, well on here u do but not in person.
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Hi PawPrint! Glad you're checking in, been thinking of you! You have so much unhappiness right now, just try to take care of yourself. Sounds like you have a lot on your shoulders, thanks for letting us know you're still there.
Dutch Iris, happy birthday. Sweetie! You didn't give yourself a good present (lol)
Bluebird, so sorry you're getting crap from those around. Some people are just mindless, they should keep their mouths shut (especially if they don't have anything nice to say).
mnDeb, if there is a main focus here, I'd say it's just be you, however that may look in the moment. This is one thread where you don't need to go back to the beginning, just jump right in, as you are. There are days when getting out of pj's just isn't happening and no one here thinks less of you. Just be. The best part is that this is something to come to ANY TIME. I got hooked because I could find compassion, kindness, understanding, ok, a little fun and craziness especially in the quiet hours when no one else is awake or around. That's been a blessing for me.
Speaking of Blessings, hope you're hanging on. Glad you got some "you-time", figured it was the quiet before the storm, so to speak.
Smaarty, tomorrow is exchange? You will be feeling so much better tomorrow night at this time, being in the squishy side. I'd like to reserve a space in your pocket too.
Hey Sassy, hope you know we're thinking of you too.
Sorry, I know I've forgotten a bunch of you, don't mean to. My mind just forgets.
Yup, this Super Bowl is boring. Even a miracle can't help Denver at this point.
Jazzy, you posted while I typed, love the laugh! I can relate
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Smaarty,
I hope you were able to have a successful sewing getaway...
Get a gown with huge pockets tomorrow, I will be hanging on in there...
Too much junk food, I ate chips, dip & MM's.....feel like I overdid it !
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I'm home, only 6 pages to go back and see what's going on. Got lots done, so very happy with retreat. I go in tomorrow at 10:30, should be home around 4-5. Forgot to ask him how long. I'll be back after I catch up!
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Teka-that was not the best game for a first one
I'm sitting here tonight feeling envious of 2 FB friends that had babies this week. I see the beautiful baby faces, the mom's happiness...and I feel envious...and then I feel terrible that I feel like that. They have happy life changing stuff happening to them, I just have this crappy cancer life changing stuff happening.
Thanks.....I needed to get that out.
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Tang I'm sorry, but it does seem natural to feel that way.
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I should say....bitter more than envious....Yes Teka-the beatdown was obvious!! sheesh
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Teka hahahahahahahahaha
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Tang, envious is probably a normal feeling. I'm guessing you're younger than most of us here. Check with your docs, see if after all the ca chit is over if kids might happen for you. And you can be the crazy "auntie" everybody wants!
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Oh, don't want anymore kids! lol..I have kiddos, it's just the envy that they are celebrating and I am feeling less than celebratory about my life right now.0 -
SEAHAWKS!!!!!!!!
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