Any 40-ish survivors?

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  • profbee
    profbee Member Posts: 305
    edited October 2011

    Oh man...anniversaries.  I can't even imagine it!  I'm still in treatment although things are moving quickly now.  My big plan is to be done with this 2nd round of chemo and my exchange surgery all before Christmas.  That way 2012 is the Year of Cristy (Like on Seinfeld--The Year of George!)!  I am just going to give the finger to 2011 and celebrate the end of this year.   Come March when it's my dx anniversary, I can't even imagine how I'll feel.  I'll just be doing the Herceptin and Tamoxifin and hopefully I'll be soldiering through well.  

    I went into my office today and it reminded me of all I need to publish in order to get tenure and keep my job...scary crap.  I've got to get back on the stick and start writing, but I'm just so tired and I feel so much better "chatting" with you gals!  

    Lots of love to you tonight.  I'm hitting the hay! 

  • bdavis
    bdavis Member Posts: 3,192
    edited October 2011

    Annaversaries... hmm... Mine is 11/12 and just two days later I am having my stage 2 for DIEP and hopefully last surgery... with a couple of weeks of recovery... so beginning to hopeful end (excluding 5 years of hormone therapy) will be over a year... I guess in the big scheme of things, it is a drop in the bucket. I plan to live another 50...

  • sagina
    sagina Member Posts: 849
    edited October 2011

    AMEN Betsy! Me too! I want to be that lady at the Komen walk that had 32 ribbons on her hat!

    I had chemo first, then surgery in March, so that seems to far away to celebrate....but I have my first round of scans the week of Thanksgiving....so I'll be celebrating at Christmas time!

    One year ago at this very time I lay in my bed tears streaming down my face knowing the next day I would have results.  I rolled over to my DH and whispered, I'm scared.  He said I know, and it's okay, I'm here for you....and he has been every step.  Cancer sucks, but really makes your blessings in disguise reveal themselves....I would have never met DH except for a drunk driver trying to kill my parents 13 years ago....

    Anyway, tears again.....Profbee, what do you write? 

    I will check the boards on my lunch break tomorrow and then I'm off to retreat from the world, literally, no phone, no computer, no tv...oh what did I get myself into?? lol.  See you all on Sunday!

  • kmur
    kmur Member Posts: 849
    edited October 2011

     Hi To all you wonderful Ladies,

    Betsy....I love that, I want to live 50 more years also. I guess that would be fun...I'm thinking about how I would look at 90.....Just kidding I look forward to being an ornery little old lady taking cruises and playing Bingo and having a glass of wine to celebrate with you girls once a year or something. I have this vision of what that would look like....and it is funny..I mean fun. Lol

    Gina...that sounds beautiful to me...my mother in law used to have a knitting retreat at ( I guess) a convent?? They had very basic rooms but she said it was beautiful. I hope you find it re-newing ( is that a word) I wanted to say ..I understand those feeling you describe when first DX. So glad to read your husband has been there for you...

    profbee...I have a couple of friends,their husbands are prof. at Miami University in Oxford Ohio. They often spoke about tenure but I was clueless at the time....I hope you will be able to go easy on yourself. What do you teach?

    Christine...I imagine not much will come from the Ellen show...but that would be some kind of fun. I know we will meet sometime...maybe we could get ourselves all together in a mountain retreat somewhere in the smokies...it is not as fancy as a beach location...but I bet we could rent a big house and just laugh like a big old slumber party.  Lol

    Thinking of you Meegan,

  • profbee
    profbee Member Posts: 305
    edited October 2011

    Kim!  Get OUT!  I got my PhD at Miami!!!!  I'm an English prof.  I hate telling people that b/c people get all self-conscious about their grammar and stuff.  LOL!  I am the worst with dashes and .....and all sorts of grammar errors in my posts though!  I have to write and publish articles in peer-reviewed journals in order to get tenure.  I write about technical and business writing, but I also write about (this is my DORK showing!) queens in the renaissance.  Basically, I write about writing.  :)  Now, if I could just do some of it!!!  I've thought about writing about our group a bit--nothing--ABSOLUTELY NOTHING that would overstep or invade anyone's privacy, but I just find that WRITING to one another is really different than talking to a friend, and the distance between us all has added to our group in neat ways.   One theme I alwaays come back to in my writing is women's communities, and I just think that we've made this awesome community of women supporting each other through writing to one another--it's really awesome.  Anyway, I hope I don't sound like I'm using you all or anything.  It's just something I've thought about when doing other work. 

  • kmur
    kmur Member Posts: 849
    edited October 2011

      I have not read all of your post yet   I can't believe this small world...I know three people connected with Miami ( off the top of my head ) i can PM their names. My son went to school with their kids. The wife has written textbooks relating to nature/science/biology kind of thing. I used to live in Hanover township which is between Hamilton/Oxford  ...ok now I will read I was too excited to finish...the other Prof. teaches anatomy and one other...I really don't know what he teaches exactly but it is along the same as described.

  • kmur
    kmur Member Posts: 849
    edited October 2011

    profbee...I can only speak for me..but I think you have a wonderful idea...this is the age of the missing hand written note...although it is difficult sometimes (for me) to really write what I feel...it is hard to make sure you all are not taking me the wrong way with joking and so on....I think it is so very special to connect with you girls in the middle of what could be such a difficult and personal DX...it can be so hard (as you know) I tell you girls things I don't speak of any where else...I promise not to be all freaked out about my grammar...I will be the first to admit ...I can't spell and I now forget proper grammar...Lol

  • ReadingMama
    ReadingMama Member Posts: 338
    edited October 2011

    Hi, Also forgot to say yesterday that I never got into a support group, I use this thread as mine!  I thought about support groups, esp. for the kids and kept meaning to look into them, but never got around to it.  The kids luckily didn't ever seem even close to needing one and I was always on the fence myself.

    Like others, I was the youngest by far in my Look Good Feel Better class and thought that would be true for the support group.  At least the one run by my cancer center.  I did meet a women at LGFB from the next town who was talking about setting up a support group, but after 1 e-mail I never heard back. 

    It seems hard to fit in with the kids, work, re-starting excersice, etc. and I don't feel it's high up on the list right now.

  • sagina
    sagina Member Posts: 849
    edited October 2011

    Profbee~ I used to be proud of my grammar and spelling then I met chemo! I know the rules of grammar but they just don't get to my fingers when I'm typing.  there is a disconnect of some sort from all this treatment.  I'm a writer in the very casual sense of the word, just personal stuff, poetry, prayers like that.  I started a caringbridge.org journal last year and wrote through treatment - I am sooooo glad I did this.  I go back and skim thought the entries and laugh and cry with myself!  I wrote one and didn't spell check one line on purpose to show my family and friends how scrambled my brain was after chemo!

    As far as writing about us, you have my complete permission and adoration.  I also remember English teachers telling me, write what you know.  Well I know cancer....

    Kim, I've never been offended by anyone on the boards, but I am the kind of person that tries to be understanding of others feelings, so sometimes things go over my head when they are meant to be mean....oh well, that's a good trait.  Your posts always speak so genuinely and humorously you get me through so many days with a smile! 

  • kmur
    kmur Member Posts: 849
    edited October 2011

     Hi Meegan, I think Christine was correct when she said the dynamics kind of have to jive just right...and sometimes it can be harder to stay positive and heck happy if the group was too-- kind of-- down...gosh I hope that doesn't sound bad because I also believe in helping people who are down too...I will stop rambling now... Sounds as though you keep yourself busy and that is probably good. I hope you have work people and so on that are helpful to you...BTW...don't be surprised if someday some crazy woman from KY. shows up to walk across the Brooklyn Bridge with you ,,,I still think about that!!

    Gina...I wish I could tell you how much that means to me without sounding all sappy ...I really wish all of us could sit around and talk and laugh...would be so much fun...but, thanks..and enjoy your retreat.

  • profbee
    profbee Member Posts: 305
    edited October 2011

    I went to LGFB thing early on--there was one nice woman my age there, but I just got so busy with treatment.  I haven't been to any other in-person support group things.  Part of it for me was that...I don't know...I already LOOK like such a cancer patient with my bald head.  And sitting around with a bunch of other cancer patients.  I can "talk" with you gals and forget it all, but know you KNOW where I"m coming from.  And I don't want to always be cancer Cristy.  I want to go back to just being Cristy around here when I'm done with all this.  Although I have been considering a pink ribbon tattoo--it just seems like there ouht to be some outward show of this giant change in me...y'know besides my new and improved (hopefully!) boobs!  A place on LI in NY is doing them for free this month--wish I was closer.

    It's so ridiculous b/c I've NEVER wanted a tattoo before.  Crazy!  Maybe after our Ellen taping!  LOL.

  • christine47
    christine47 Member Posts: 846
    edited October 2011

    profbee,True confessions, you are an English prof., glad you didn't tell me sooner.  My spelling and writing has gone down the tube in recent years.

    I will do the pink ribbon tatoo (right after we finish taping the Ellen show).

    Hope everyone is doing well today.

  • profbee
    profbee Member Posts: 305
    edited October 2011

    LOL!!!!  Seriously, I'm not one of THOSE English profs! 

  • mamachick
    mamachick Member Posts: 154
    edited October 2011

    Okay, I am glad no one is judging on grammar and spelling or I would have to leave this thread.  I hope no one is judging my medical knowledge that I should have being a nurse.  Most of that went out the window when I became a BC patient.  My sister and niece actually got the pink ribbon tattoos last Oct. in honor of me.  I was so touched.  My sister's says sister survivors since she is a bc survivor too. ( 9years this month)  My sister told me she would pay for my identical one if I would do it.  Told her I was already getting 2 tattoos on my chest didn't need one on my arm.  They are beautiful though. 

    I celebrate my date of DX for my anniversary so celebrated 1 year in Sept. and looking forward to this next one being a whole lot happier.  It did go fast though.  Can't remember who said it, but I too have a caring bridge and it was so freeing to be able to just write what I was feeling.  Still go back and read once and a while and cry for where I have been and how far I have come. Husband would read it and critique my grammar though.  Laughing Have a great rest of the day!  Love talking to you all.  It brightens my day!

  • profbee
    profbee Member Posts: 305
    edited October 2011

    I just saw the coolest video!  It's an ad for Oklahoma University's cancer centers or something, but this could totally be me...it's really awesome just showing a woman going through her morning as her hair is growing back in.  No pink.  No "Cancer" in the ad...just a woman, raising a kid, doing what she has to do all the while.  I love it.  Check it out.  It's just like a minute long.  :)

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/13/breast-cancer-awareness-ad_n_1008950.html

  • o2bhealthy
    o2bhealthy Member Posts: 1,089
    edited October 2011

    Very nice commercial Profbee! If only our hair grow back that quickly :)

    I have a gripe!  My hours were cut this summer due to the economic down turn....  I was hired right after my dx, before tx even started and it is a great job but our little community is dying and I can see the writing on the wall.  My employer has been so awesome keeping me on with enough hours to keep my insurance however I know it is becoming a hardship for her to keep me and yet she does not want me to lose my insurance either so we are in a catch 22... As much as I hate it, I have started putting out feelers...

    I just spent 20 minutes completing an online application, towards the end you are asked to upload a resume...their system does not accept microsoft WORD documents! Are you kidding me??? I tried to down load a PDF converter and BAM! My internet freezes and now I have to start all over the with damn application.   I long for the good old days when you actually applied in person! I am frustrated and discouraged and I have barely started...Yell

    Thanks for letting me vent...

  • profbee
    profbee Member Posts: 305
    edited October 2011

    02...I KNOW!  And every DAY the tech changes.  You should be able to just "save as" a PDF in word.  Or, are you using an old version of Word?  It's nice that you work somewhere where they have a heart at least! But I think you're smart to start looking.  It's SO competitive these days. 

  • achpurple
    achpurple Member Posts: 245
    edited October 2011

    Loved it Profbee!

      I keep wanting to get a shirt made up to wear that says something like "This is just one face of breast cancer" or "hair - compliments of chemo"

  • o2bhealthy
    o2bhealthy Member Posts: 1,089
    edited October 2011

    I have Microsoft 2007 but for some reason it does not have the option to save as PDF...

  • kmur
    kmur Member Posts: 849
    edited October 2011

     Hi everyone...

    profbee...So funny you mention a tattoo...I have this little sticky note pad I got from someone (think it was RO) anyway it is a breast cancer pad and has a butterfly...but the butterfly body is the ribbon I thought of doing the tattoo while in Florida...but I was a chicken!! I still think about it..then wonder if I would want to completely move on from BC and that would remind me.....decisions are so very hard for me...but if you all do it...heck I'll just follow along!!

    O2b....computers drive me crazy...and I hope you will find something you like to do...I would like to find something also...I think I am not very marketable ( is that the right expression)..I have not been out there in some time.

    mamachick...Happy anniversary

    And I noticed one time on this thread I spelled grammar as grammer and sea as see.....

  • profbee
    profbee Member Posts: 305
    edited October 2011

    02b--I sent you a PM.  Let's get that PDF for you.

  • profbee
    profbee Member Posts: 305
    edited October 2011

    Ach--LOVE the t-shirt ideas!  We should all just start a little business right here.  That'll employ us all and keep us together and laughing.  Yeah, I just loved that video.  I watched it like 10 times. 

  • sarah1968uk
    sarah1968uk Member Posts: 327
    edited October 2011

     Hi all!

     See, Kim, I just knew I would sneak back on here sooner or later!  Thanks for the PM, it cheered me up.  In fact, just reading all your stuff and ideas does that!  I think it would be great, profbee, to write abut our community and mutual support on here. All we have in common, ostensibly, ( see, big words coming out now I know you're an English prof.!), is our ages and having BC, but once you scratch the surface, there are more and more layers, despite being in different parts of the country and world. The wonders of the internet!  I had penpals as a child from France, but this is so immediate and spontaneous - I find it quite amazing. When we were kids everyone thought we'd be whizzing round in little helicopters and taking pills instead of meals in the future, but no-one predicted this technology.

      I like the tattoo idea too, mamachick, but I'm not brave enough to do it either. I used to have electrolysis in the 90s for hairs on my chin, but couldn't take the pain, so they all grew back. Now, of course, they are worse with no estrogen - laser treatment is meant to be good, though expensive, but apparently it hurts too. I could always get a job in a freak show as a bearded lady! It's great that your sister is a long-time bc survivor, but not so great, of course, that she had it in the first place. I'm adopted, so have no idea of any BC in my birth family. Will get round to looking into it one of these days. Not a decision be taken lightly, though. I was so happy with my adopted family too, so I have to be sure of things first.

     I enjoy writing poetry too and we're doing silly stories over on the Humor and Games thread at the mo. Kind of chipping in a sentence or two - check it out if you're at a loose end and join in. My brother and I used to play lots of daft word games as children,  it's only slightly less silly than that!

     Hope you ladies are all OK and looking forward to the red  (pink?)  carpet treatment on Ellen!

     Love, Sarah xx

  • kmur
    kmur Member Posts: 849
    edited October 2011

      Hi Everyone again...Thank you Sarah...I enjoy your posts as well...have made me laugh many times..and I hope you know how I mean this but I try to imagine your words spoken with the English accent... ...it is pretty amazing we can and do connect here and can find so many other things in common even though we are different too. I can understand the need to really think about finding your birth mother. Too bad one can't see what could happen before opening all that up...you hear of some that go very well.

    I did and still do the laser hair removal...when my hair came back -- it came back in places it shouldn't....on my cheeks close to the hair line...it isn't too bad pain wise. The place I go to ran a special and I now have a lifetime "membership" and will get four free sessions a year. With no estrogen...I may need them!!

  • kmur
    kmur Member Posts: 849
    edited October 2011

     Hi To everyone,

    Profbee...I saw that video....I liked that at the end...she saw herself again and that part made me smile.

    I saw a neat one for Komen too...it was a sharing stories kind of thing and she was an 11 year survivor....she spoke about all the things she has "been here for" was very sweet . I get those little updates on FB ...still a Fb newbie,but I guess I get those because I "liked" something on the Komen site??? Anyway...it was really a nice little video.

    Christine...hope this week has not been too long for you and you are feeling good.

    Was thinking of Dawn too ...hope your surgery went well and you are feeling good.

    Kim...still thinking of you and your family. Hope you are doing ok

    Today is Friday...every Friday..since I can remember...we celebrate at our house...it is the end of the week and everyone is home and no work/school next day. It is our favorite day...so I try to make chips and dip--crackers and dip or something fun that we can do before dinner and all. It used to be our cheeseburger night too...used to grill out every Friday...the guys are sick of burgers now  ( pizza now)...so Happy Friday ( Sat Kiwimum) enjoy the kids....and family and cross country and football ...Have fun you all!!

  • mamachick
    mamachick Member Posts: 154
    edited October 2011

    Profbee- loved the video.  Watched "Five" yesterday from Lifetime.  I have mixed feelings about it.  It was a little scattered for me.  Good information for those that are undiagnosed though.

    O2b- Don't envy you on the resume.  I don't know what I will do when I will have to write one.  It has been 15 years. 

    Back to the tattoos.  When researching nipple tats. My husband and I found a picture on line with Gerber daisies instead of nipples.  My husband has since decided that he likes them.  He told the PS  about them and the PS kind of just rolled his eyes.  I told my husband to decide, but not sure if I want to be 80 years old with gerber's.

    Sarah- have the chin hair too.  Just one and it went away with chemo.  Hoped it wouldn't come back, but my DH enjoyed pointing it out to me the other day that it had grown back. Back to plucking I guess since there is only one right now.  But with no hormones I am sure there will be more.

    Off for the weekend to the beach with in-laws.  Hoping for some relaxing time, if my brother-in-law will be quiet for a little while.  Has to talk to hear himself. Tells really bad jokes, all the time! Thinking about you all! Have a great weekend everyone!  I will catch up Sun.-Mon.

  • kmur
    kmur Member Posts: 849
    edited October 2011

      Oh mamachick...hope you can enjoy your trip...maybe you can give the brother in law the slip......

  • ReadingMama
    ReadingMama Member Posts: 338
    edited October 2011

    Oh Sh*t, I have cancer again!  And it's barely 1 year since my last dx, fall used to be my favorite season, but not so much now...  I can't even believe it.  I'm still at work as I needed to eat and the computers here are faster here, so thought I would use them for a while before I went home...to the wake and funeral tomorrow.

    The biopsied two sites, one was negative, but one was cancereous.  The BS doesn't have the recepter information yet, but she wanted me to know (I called this am hoping not to wait all w/e).  She is recommending a mast. at this point, so back to see the PS on Monday.

    Would appreciate any advice thoughts on mast or pointing to good threads on TE vs. TRAM recon, don't even know where to start, how do people decide on a recon option so quickly????

    Have only told DH and my mom.  Will wait to after funeral to tell kids, although Linda did not have BC, they still know she had cancer.  Will have to tell them Sat. or Sun though so its still too close for me, but will not tell them tonight at least.

  • profbee
    profbee Member Posts: 305
    edited October 2011

    Honey, NO!  I'm so sorry.  I had a bilateral mastectomy with TEs.  The tram flap wasn't avail for me cuz I'm pretty thin.  (At least that's what the doc said, then I took my top off and he took a closer look at my tummy LOL!)  I didn't really like the idea of major surgery in more than one area of my body though.  They filled my TEs some at the surgery so even coming home from my mastectomy I was not completely flat.  I wore tank tops with no bra and no one batted an eye.  I've had one fill already and will get another next week and then it's exchange surgery (which is a day thing) hopefully before Christmas. 

    We're here for you, Meegan.  Lots of love.

  • sarah1968uk
    sarah1968uk Member Posts: 327
    edited October 2011

     Sorry to hear your news, Meegan. Best of luck with everything,

     Sarah xx