Take our poll: Caregivers, what do you find most difficult about caregiving?
Weigh in: What are the best and worst gifts for people with breast cancer?

Any 40-ish survivors?

1…7071737576…166

Comments

  • kmur
    kmur Member Posts: 849
    edited October 2011

     Kiwimum...we waited as well...mostly so that we had all the information that we needed. He was 12 at the time and we had just moved and he was also dealing with the stress of being a new 6th grade student...I am so very proud of him...he has been so strong....you are correct, I think as time passes it does get better...and I meet women all the time now out of the blue who are many years out ....so we are going to be just fine and all this will be a distant memory. Are the girls excited about the pool?? ( as if they wouldn't be!!)

  • profbee
    profbee Member Posts: 305
    edited October 2011

    That's so tough Kiwi, but y'know...you'll talk to her now...and explain to her that you did what you thought was best at the time and you weren't keeping things from her.  And think of how awesome it is to have that sort of conversation with a parent.  Our kids are learning so much through all of this.  I just know it's going to make them more compassionate and even better parents than we were.  Jack has been so sweet with me at times...and I think that's not how boys were raised in my family...he'll be better, y'know?  

    In other news...tonight was dorm trick or treating here on campus.  We took Jack.  It was so cute!  As I was getting ready hubby says, "Are you going to put something on your head?"  I gave him a look.  He goes, "You know it's not like that.  I've never said anything about your head.  It's just the college kids, y'know."  So, I wore my wig.  On the way there I said to hubby, "You keep looking at me like you're about to cry."  He said, "You just look so pretty, and it's been so long since you looked so pretty."  What a sweetheart.  I guess I should wear the wig more often for morale around here.  :) 

  • ReadingMama
    ReadingMama Member Posts: 338
    edited October 2011

    Oh, KiwiMum, I'm so sorry, that is hearbreaking.  It's never easy telling the kids.  We did tell ours about a month after dx once we had a better idea what was going on.  We did use the Cancer word as I was afraid if we didn't, they might overhear my friends say it.  Also our neighbor across the street (yes, unfortunately the one that died last week) had cancer in her lung and they saw her with wigs, etc, so we used that as an example.

    We joked how I would be bald like Daddy for a while, etc.  How old are they again?  We also told their teachers to look out for any change in behavior.

  • ReadingMama
    ReadingMama Member Posts: 338
    edited October 2011

    Profbee - how is Jack?

  • bdavis
    bdavis Member Posts: 3,192
    edited October 2011

    Christy... loved the pictures of Jack!!

  • profbee
    profbee Member Posts: 305
    edited October 2011

    Thanks for asking, Meegan.  No poop today!  School tomorrow!!!!  I'm hoping that he doesn't wake in the middle of the night pooping...that's what happened last night.  My fingers are SO crossed for him...he gets to bring a costume tomorrow...and costumes are completely his thing.  Gosh, it's just gone on so long...since last Friday!  Watch, now he'll totally go the other way and I'll still be monitoring toilets!  

  • christine47
    christine47 Member Posts: 846
    edited October 2011

    <<<<KiwiMum>>>>, I know this is a tough time, would not be so hard if we didn't love them so much.  My boys were 12 and 14, they both cried when we told them.   When we told them it was caught early they questioned if this was exactly what the doctor said and what were his words?

     They wanted to know everything.  My youngest was reading the book "Its Not About the Bike", Lance Armstong's story about his stage 4 testicular cancer at the time.  I stayed up the night before reading the book so I knew what he was going to be reading.  Fortunately he is still alive and even though he had a different type of cancer this was reassuring to them.  I also told them about several mom's they knew from our swim club who had breast cancer and were perfectly fine.  Just lots of reassurance and honesty.

  • kiwimum
    kiwimum Member Posts: 460
    edited October 2011

    I too have been proud of how my children have coped this year.  They are amazing and so adaptable.

    I am the middle child of 3 girls. When I was 8 my youngest sister was diagnosed with a brain tumour. I don't remember much of that time but I do remember that myself and my big sister were sent to live with different grandparents for over a year as my parents struggled through chemo and other treatment.  It was tough at the time but I'm sure it's helped shape who we are today.

    Using the cancer word did lead to a big discussion about another mother at our school.  Unlike me, who was not diagnosed because I was sick, this lady is very sick.  I was at pains to try and get them to distinguish that my cancer is different.

    Getting onto a happier topic ... I've just been out getting a few things for Halloween.  I've stocked up on candies and bought both girls outfits for their school Freaky Friday Disco tonight.  The youngest will be a pussycat and my oldest and witch/vampire "thing" (for lack of a better word).  I struggled to find a costume in her size so did the best I could.

    Profbee - I'm glad Jack is on the mend.  Your FB pics of him dressed up are gorgeous.

    Kim - the girls are totally excited about the pool. It's frustrating that it's 99% done but not quite complete. We are waiting for the glass fence to go up. It's been delayed meaning the pool can't be plastered and filled early next week.  I'm trying not to stress or get cross - what's a week or two in the scheme of things?

  • bdavis
    bdavis Member Posts: 3,192
    edited October 2011

    I vote for a girls vacation in New Zealand at kiwi's new pool... who's in?

  • christine47
    christine47 Member Posts: 846
    edited October 2011

    I am in, I will start packing as soon as that pool is done.

  • kiwimum
    kiwimum Member Posts: 460
    edited October 2011

    lol.  Everyone welcome.

  • lrr4993
    lrr4993 Member Posts: 504
    edited October 2011

    Excellent idea Betsy!

  • sarah1968uk
    sarah1968uk Member Posts: 327
    edited October 2011

     Saw your photos on FB - Profbee - you look great in a wig and bald too!  Your little lad looked like he had a fun time.

     Pleased for you, Meegan - fantastic news!

     Kiwi - always tricky talking to kids about the BC. My son was 9 too at my first dx and he was only really upset about me losing my hair. The second time, he was 11 and the hair thing really bothered him again that time. Only in the last year has he asked questions about cancer (seeing it on TV etc),  and inevitably dying etc and I've tried to be as truthful as I can be. I expect girls will think about it more at 9/10. But, you sound like a great mum and will be able to handle any upsets and questions. It may take them a while to process it and come to terms with as much as they can understand.

     Count me in at the pool party!  Cocktails too, of course !

     Have a spooktastic Halloween weekend!!!!

     Sarah x

  • marial
    marial Member Posts: 98
    edited October 2011

    Kiwimum-

    So sorry..it's so hard with kids..I have a 14 year old daughter who has necer once asked me a question about it,even though I have told beer from the beginning..kinda worries me, but at the same time I want her to live life as normally as possible and not have it affect her I school..so I keep hoping she is really doing ok, cause she is a very quiet kid

  • Kymn
    Kymn Member Posts: 887
    edited October 2011

    Profbee....loved your story about your DH with tears in his eyes...wish I had had support instead of my insensitive jerk of an X . He never held me, never told me I was pretty then leaves me...I cant wait to get over this pain

  • profbee
    profbee Member Posts: 305
    edited October 2011

    Thanks, friends.  I am really lucky with my boys.  Hubby and I met in grad school.  I was 30 and thought I'd never meet the man of my dreams.  We may not  have money, but we've got a lot of love.  :)  It'll come, Kymn. He didn't treat you right, and now you know what you deserve.  I'm so sorry that you're going through this now on top of everything else.  This whole thing really makes people show their true colors.  You're going to come through this stronger, healthier, and ready for a man to shower you with love. 

  • bdavis
    bdavis Member Posts: 3,192
    edited October 2011

    Agreed

  • profbee
    profbee Member Posts: 305
    edited October 2011

    Okay, friends.  I have a question.  So, I've got a cold--maybe sinuses since my face hurts (it's killing me!  lol).  Anyway, y'know I'm still doing AC.  I've got a SLIGHT fever--100.  Do you think I need to worry about anything?  My last chemo is this Thursday--I SO don't want it delayed!!!  I don't think you have to call unless it goes over 101, right?  

    ugh.  Did I mention it's SNOWING?  Like 8-10 inches expected.  Power outages expected.  ugh.  Lucky me!! 

  • bdavis
    bdavis Member Posts: 3,192
    edited October 2011

    i got sick right before my last chemo... just basically stayed n bed all weekend and by monday i was great... couldn't believe it and then had chemo tuesday... just hydrate and stay in bed... if it rises call the doctor, but i think 100 is still ok.

  • profbee
    profbee Member Posts: 305
    edited October 2011

    Thanks, Betsy.  I just did the neti pot and took some tylenol.  Curling up with a book...guess I might as well be snowed in! 

  • lrr4993
    lrr4993 Member Posts: 504
    edited October 2011

    Prof - I got a sinus infection type illness the day before my first chemo, onco gave me a px for antibiotics just to be on the safe side. I had no problems. You may want to have your doctor phone in a px. Otherwise just keep an eye on the fever.



    I hate to be an alarmist but a bacterial infection can be fatal on chemo. My sisters mother in law died from pneumonia while on chemo. They said they had never seen it get out of control so quickly, presumably because of the weakened immune system. I don't mean to scare. Just be careful and err on the side of caution.

  • browniefranks
    browniefranks Member Posts: 18
    edited October 2011

    Agree with Irr4993. Don't play with infections during chemo since your immune system is completely wiped out...

  • profbee
    profbee Member Posts: 305
    edited October 2011

    arrrgh...okay.  I'll keep an eye....it's not like I can get out in this snow now anyway!  I'll have to wait till the morning, but then I guess I'll call.

  • profbee
    profbee Member Posts: 305
    edited October 2011

    Thanks!

  • lrr4993
    lrr4993 Member Posts: 504
    edited October 2011

    :)  sorry to be such a worry wart

    On the bright side, the antibiotics apparently cause your body to overproduce white blood cells.  My WBC counts were very very high for the two chemos after that one, and I never even did that shot (thank God).  Maybe it will get you out of a few shots.  I hear they are sometimes worse than chemo. 

  • alliesmom15
    alliesmom15 Member Posts: 66
    edited October 2011

    Hi there!  I had my BMX this may and I was 41, a few days before I turned 42.  I am a survivor.  I have three daughters ages 5, 11 and 16 :)

    I still have sex LOL  I just wish my hubby didnt want to so much.  Once or twice a week is fine but not every day.

    I go out with friends and have a drink about once every few months or so.

    I am now working for a Dr just helping with the billing and come and go as I please. 

    Besides all the hospital bills and the stupid pain with reaching my arm, I am so extremely lucky to be alive and here with my family.  I have a very supportive husband along with loving daughters. 

  • angelfromabove
    angelfromabove Member Posts: 26
    edited October 2011

    Hello everyone, I am new to this and normally just read for information. I was diagnosed at 40 and don't know of others in our age group so this is a nice thread. Have any of you experienced chronic spine pain? I had reconstruction in Aug so all should be fine there. I stopped tamox in Aug because of all the side effects. My spine feels like im 100 and hurts daily. Anyone go through this? Thanks

  • bdavis
    bdavis Member Posts: 3,192
    edited October 2011

    when did your pain start?

  • angelfromabove
    angelfromabove Member Posts: 26
    edited October 2011

    I've been having pain the last few months. Mainly my lower spine and my neck. it just always hurts and im pretty tolerant of pain

  • bdavis
    bdavis Member Posts: 3,192
    edited October 2011

    have you had any scans?

Categories

Join Us on Zoom: Upcoming virtual meetups. Read more...
Give your account some personality! Add a profile photo.