Single life after a mastectomy
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BB- sounds like a good day for you! Glad you got out to shift gears. The world is good again, yay!
June- sorry your ex was like that too. I think the right person would appreciate what you do.
Going to bed early and hope everyone has a good nights sleep!
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BB - i am happy for you....you seemed up lifting....
jazzy - thanks....like i said before i wish i didn't care.....i don't know why i got upset, we're no longer together anymore.
good night everyone. just finished my weekly DIY facial...my skin feels rough after taking hormone blocker
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I'll PM you...
and jazzy and E
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June- I hear you on the skin front. I was told the AIs really dry out everything including your skin and joints. I found a supplement that helps though, called Hyaluronic Acid. I started it to help with my stiff joints/dry tendons and did check with my MO on it. He said some of these supplements can act like estrogen so he likes to review the contents and okayed this brand. You might want to check with your MO too. I find it does help the stiffness and the skin.
http://www.amazon.com/Doctors-Best-Hyaluronic-Chon...=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1430064315&sr=8-3&keywords=hyaluronic+acid+supplement
I get facials periodically because I live in the desert and need it more now. I went a couple weeks ago and got one as my face felt like sandpaper. I do a little home ritual too and will do so today.
I have to remind myself when I see someone who gets under my skin that they are really not a part of my life anymore. Sometimes when I see them again, they remind me why they are not. I find the best thing we can do for ourselves some times is to step out of the way and let others go figure out what ever they need to.
Woke up to pouring rain this morning which was nice as we have been dry. Second day of rain since Friday. More on the horizon.
Wishing everyone a good Sunday!
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i am taking a walk now...will check in later....feel like crying when i wrote the PM...
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June- I am sorry. The walk may help. Hugs sister.
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ladies....
thank you for your kind words....my sis called and we had a chat which was nice. i cried some more. then i texted him about my resentment and my foolish expectations....i should have known better not to expect anything from him.
i felt better....
i am not going to lie, i felt alone and helpless again......like standing on quick sand. nothing to keep me grounded.....
good night.
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June- you had rough day. I am glad you talked to your sister. Sometimes having a friendly shoulder to cry on is really what we need more than anything.
I hope you have a better day tomorrow and a decent week at work. Same for all of ya here!
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june I can only tell you to be strong and to know that only time can help. Even if now you feel the pain so strong it gets better. I am now a real rock. I did endure so much pain when my ex decided to end what ever it was we had and now I can finally be free. Yes it does hurts but not as bad. Slowly your heart gets strong every day and one day you will feel better. I never thought I could be the one pushing my ex away and now I am. I am now strong enough to stay grounded and not allow him back in my heart or my bed.
Good night ladies
Tmw I see my Dr. The one that gave me the letter I ll tell her all that has happened
Hope you all have a great week
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JUNE my ex texted me some more and you need to read what he said. I told him I am happy been single and he says :
No you just say ur happy being single to justify not being happy.
Me: Whatttt? do think when I say I am not happy I am referring to not having a man? Lol wow rock how little you know me. I thought you knew me better. For me happiness comes from within I am not happy cuz I work at a place I hate. I live in a building I don't like anymore, I don't get to do things I enjoy, I miss people I loved and they are gone. But a man will not bring me happiness if anything I man will bring me worries I do not need. Lol
Can you believe this guy wow lol
I am speechless 😶
Good night
June we are here for you
See my Ex is another loser
I am done with him .like Really!!!
Ha ha ha
It amazes me how I am laughing a few years back it could make me cry
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Enerva- wow, your ex really does not get it that you are fine without him, and also okay being alone for now too. People who say anyone is unhappy being alone does not know how to be alone. Mr. Rock is probably not doing so well with alone himself. You are strong and clear girlfriend. I hope he gets the message and looks elsewhere for companionship.
Good luck with the doctor today. I don't know how much else she can do for you with this employer outside of a letter to put you on short term disability, but you may have already gone down that road when you had your treatment. Let us know how this goes?
I have my Skype interview this morning. I wrote out some questions and will see what happens!
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So wow, folks. This work in PA is actually more than that. Some affiliated partnerships with some very prestigious orgs in OH and CA. I think it will be a very good fit for me and also was told I would not have to travel that much, occaisonal site visits to three facilities between these locations (and maybe to the corp area for meetings in PA). They are talking to them this afternoon and should know more soon. This feels very positive!
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BB - you are like a one woman soap opera with all this male co stars......but they only have "bit" parts.....ha ha........I think all this drama and intensity helps you to feel really alive.....but wonder what the flip side is as it will get exhausting after a year or two......these are all needy men in one way or another...........and you are worth excitement and thrills but not the danger balancing on edge element, just my two pennorth worth
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jazzy - that's a beautiful quote...oh and fingers crossed for your work prospect...
BB - thanks....yes i am keeping myself busy. meeting friends friday and sat....
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jazz congratulations yaaayyy
Yaa Mr.rock needs to grow up. After I said what I said he still said I should stop been so serious and I should enjoy what life has to offer.
More enjoy him that's what he is really sayibeening so I said good night.
I can be bother.
Ok my visit was ok but like you said she was just listening to what had happened and she did ask me if I can do this? I said I am trying to survive I need to survive this so she gave me an appointment for in two month months she said to call her if for what ever reason they try to force me to do those on call hours.
Honestly I am not sure. They did not talk to me yet.
Going to exercise now.
Will be back later before bed.
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E - check with your HR and your office employee manual that your office supposed to provide you a non hostile work environment. And they failed.
Check your work description and what the asshole boss sent you and compare. Is there any EEOC in Canada that you can go and consult for free? I did and I didn't have a case. But you have to write down all the BS happened to you.
If money is tight...look for another job. No point to fight this battle. And another thing I want to say...not exactly understand what you do...but just do your portion and don't do the double shift....can you ask your doc to write something g that you cannot work more than 8 hours a day??
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Enerva- your doc sounds supportive but know she can only do so much here. June is right, any EEOC in Canada? I hate to say it but when jobs are unfair and HR does not help, sometimes you just have to go find something else. It is a hostile work environment. Maybe another org like yours would find your skills and experience valuable? I know you feel you cannot compete but think your hard work ethic would be of interest to others. Can you request a meeting with that HR lady? Is she somewhere in your area? I wish something would go your way on this.
BB- how did you find out about that guy getting arrested? Did he contact you? Want you to bail him out?
June- yay for fun plans this weekend. Something to look forward to!
Lilly- how are you doing? Are things feeling better your way yet? Are you having any luck with your work ideas you shared awhile back?
I hope to hear something tomorrow morning on whether this client says we are a go (I expect there could be one more interview and this time with the VP I would be working for). Fingers crossed! I feel very close on this one, but it is not done until we have an executed contract.
It is raining again here tonight. We have been blessed with a lot of rain since late last week. Something rare for here, but also for NM this time of the year. My yard and gardens are happy!
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i love you all. You ladies give me so much support. I will only survive now till I get something I will send my resume to a recruiting company. That way maybe they ll get me some interviews
I do understand all you guys are saying. It's definitely not worth it.
I ll go back and read. I miss the issue bb is having now.hope all is ok
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ok bb, ahhhhyyy that is too intense for moi. Lol
Humm wow I don't even know what to say. I just hope you don't get involved with a troubled guy. I am such a chicken when it comes to people who are in trouble with the law lol 😁 I hope he doesn't expect any help from you.plus be careful
Sending you hugs
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Hello, all.
I haven't been here in a while. I missed talking with you.
I see that I missed pages and pages of messages. I'll never catch up.
How are you all doing? I hope all is well for everyone.
I am up a creek with no paddle here. In dire straits. Living on the edge. Those are all the clichés I can think of. Haha. Seriously, the divorce situation has turned desperate (for me, that is), but I'm still willing to do battle.
How's everyone else doing? Hugs to all.
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Life- I am glad to hear from you but sorry to hear things are still so difficult for you. Sounds like the court stuff is still going on? I don't understand why a judge would not be sure what you need. PM me if you want to talk? I will be around later today......
Enerva- I think sending your resume to a recruiter is a good idea. It will move you towards something else and it is something you can do. I view work now as something that needs to fit into my life, not something I will live my life around. Your job wants the later. Let them find some young 20 year olds with no life who will do whatever. Praying for something new to open up. Hugs sister.
Off to an early morning meeting. Hope to hear something on this consulting gig today.
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Enerva- something I wanted to share with you I thought about this morning. Something I have learned through the years with my work, and my value in the workplace (whether FT or contract).
For many years, I have undersold my value with what I bring to the table. I have chosen work situations that neither value me as a person or the skills and experience I bring to the table. As a result, I find sometimes I am in work situations that are very bad for me, not paid well, worked to death, etc. So I have had to change the conversation in my head from "I need the job/contract/client" to "I deserve to work for people who value and respect me." Even in situations with clients whom may be more difficult, if they are not willing to have a conversation about how to make things more equitable, it tells me they are more concerned about having things their way then for me to bring value to their organization and project. Even my most difficult client I work with will hear me out and adjust if things get out of control. They are a pain in the ars, but they value what I do for them. If an organization just wants to keep doing what they are doing regardless, then let them find someone who wants that arrangement.
I think you needed to go back to this place to get working again, and that is what the purpose of this work is. Sometimes we have to do what we have to do for income, especially as single women. As one friend says "get what you need first, get what you want next." I took a contract with a client I really did not want to do coming through my treatment, but needed to for income. When I got finished with that project, I told myself "find something different/better."
So keep what you need, and now go find what you want. Polish up that resume, get out for some interviews, and go find the better job out there waiting for you. Believing we deserve better is the first step on the path.
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BB- well, enjoy yourself but just be careful too. It is good to feel alive.
I am working to finish my paperwork purge which I got real serious about a couple week ago, but then got busy with some new work opps so I took a pause. I cannot believe how much stuff I have stored, but am almost down to the last of the containers. I went through a whole bunch of storage boxes I brought out here when I moved and with info from previous education and my scientific careers. I filled up my recycling dumpster to the brim today.
Ah but along the way, we find other interesting things. Today I found a Seventeen Magazine from 1978 and a diary from 1976. I used to write my weight down every day in my journal. I weighed 139 lbs in highschool. Back when I used to think I was fat the first time. The trip back to the 70's brought some great memories.
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BB- I have been keeping journals since my teens, more seriously since my 20s. It is cool to go back and read them. I have always planned to write a book about my life experiences, so they will be my source for that. I plan to talk to the writer friend at my writing workshop in Taos this summer about this desire to do an autobio, and how one can best organize and retrieve info from sources like this.
In my teens, I was mostly interested in just talking about what I was doing, which was going to school, my extracirricular activities in music, boys I liked, who was my BFF that day/week/year, etc. I read something interesting about a big fist fight in school that happened during one entry, and how all this stuff we enjoyed from after school orchestra to a fall dance got cancelled. One of my friends had to move her kid out of a school hear due to bullying and another friend in TX is having a tough time in school with her daughter. It reminded me this "bullying thing" has always been around and seen in it jobs too (June and Enerva know about that!)
The interesting thing I have noticed in my journal is around the early 1990's after my brother died and turned my world upside down. I stopped talking about other people and started really focusing on myself. The conversations turned from outward and what other people were doing, to inward and more to what was going on with me. I remember feeling that shift, but my writing tells me so. I bet I have about 75 or more journals out in the garage. Time to write that book. Right?
I got all the remaining boxes sorted yesterday, and now going to work through consolidating and storing today. I filled my dumpster up to the brim! And BB, I would love to help you but after this, I won't want to do this again for a LONG time! Hopefully in the new electronic world we live in, there will be less paper to store.
I am planning to call the firm this afternoon about the work this afternoon that I have been talking to them about back east to see if the company is interested in me or not. I was supposed to hear by yesterday, but nothing yet, so I will follow up this afternoon. I had a chat with myself on my bike ride last night that I need to detach from the outcome here, but just need to know if we are moving forward to an interview with the VP or not, or if they are going to continue to look for someone else. I don't want to pursue an organization who does not feel I am the right person for them, or that this is the right role for me to help. You must go in feeling both sides want to do this work together. I know the prime on this is struggling with them some too. So I am trying to be patient. A 30 min call with that VP will tell us everything if this is a good fit. Fingers crossed!
Time to get to some housework and that garage. Weather is clear and sunny and good to finish this work out in the garage!
Beth
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BB- ghost writer!
Sounds like no decision yet from the client. They have the vendor in again this week so they must be in the throes of doing some pre-planning, etc. I was told today they may need me to help them screen some of the additional resources, they want the project manager on board first. I can do that too, done that for other clients on projects. They do sound interested, so the next call is next Monday. But they said they may hear something end of the week after they meet with the vendor. Good things come to those who wait?
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I think if you use your real name, it may be harder to talk about some of the things that shaped you without telling too much of your deepest personal stories. That is why I like the ghost writer thing. I guess that means I won't do book signings though! I am not sure I will try to publish the book, I think I am doing it more to just do it. I have an 80 year old cousin who lives in NJ and told me I have had an interesting life and need to write about it. Others have told me the same. This year may be the year I begin!
I am getting less happy with FB and spending less time there. I have had to unfriend people because of some hateful comments around politics, religion, race, women, etc. I am there to post vacation pics, talk about my music, gardens, etc. I try to keep it light, but many people don't. Lately I have people with new businesses, music groups, etc. pumping everyone with Go-fund requests. I had someone I consider an aquintance PM me with her link for her new biz, and asked me to send it to all my friends. I don't think so! I had another friend drop off because of similar things. But instead of dropping off, I just don't go on the page very much these days.
Putting away winter things and getting some of my more summery things handy in my closet today. I am doing a brainstorming session tomorrow for one of my prof org groups and have to prepare for that (will be fun, also a great way to show my stuff to others!)
Hoping everyone is having a good Wednesday.
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jazzy - would love to read some of your stories....
oh FB...i only go there to "like" cats and some interesting posts. my host family dad was quite passionate about politics, human right to be exact. so i read his articles from time to time. i really admire him and his wife....when their kids growing up, they made a very conscious decision to invite foreign students to stay at their house, so they learn about other cultures and vice verse...and their kids were exposed to muliti dimenional knowledge, they're all grown up. the girl is going to korea to teach english. i am just very impressed. at such a young age (just graduated from college) and she's going oversea to see the world...open her horizon. not sheltered at all.
oh man...talk about office politics and bullying....i just experienced something today. not exactly bullying but was accused of some mistakes that made by the accuser. human being just never stop to surprise me.
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June- sorry you had something happen at work. I don't like people much anymore quiet honestly. I used to be a "people person" and I can work with lots of people in my project work, even really difficult people, but in my free time, there are just a few I want to hang out with. Hell is other people.
Went for a nice walk tonight after a busy day here at home. My lower back is sore tonight so I am going to not go to the gym and do weights. I need to lay out and rest instead. I will go do weights tomorrow.
Thank you for saying you would like to read my writing June!
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BB- we are often talking about meditation here and saw this and thought of you! It appears even bears do it!
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