Single life after a mastectomy
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BB- what happened? Who tore in to you?
I am glad you walked away. I have just learned to not engage with people who are looking for conflict. Proud of you girlfriend for taking the higher road.
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BB- yeesh. I have had those experiences too. I had a supposed friend do that with me last year. Total punching bag for all the things going wrong in her crappy life.
I am no one's punching bag. I cut that loose and never regretted it. I took the high road and just stepped back, to but wanted to really tell her what a miserable $*&%# she is.
Onward and upward to better days and better people for all of us here!
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BB- on these are those new guys you met? Well, they may not be worth hanging with in the end.
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BB- I think it is a good sign you are ready to date again. Sometimes when we are putting ourselves out there, we don't always find what we want right away (true for me and my work right now too....) Just be clear with yourself about the kind of relationship you want and be open.
Do you have a new schedule for the surgery yet? I know the smoking thing has been in the way.....
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This one is for Enerva......
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I should also have taken the high road....
Yelled at the postal staff at the post office....I already forgave myself lol but it didn't make me feel better.
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BB - haha you are funny....
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I will tell you my story from the car dealership and how I made 5 men almost cry this week. Waiting for the car to come back fixed once and for all. I take no prisoners anymore.
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I just had a run-in, too, but with the ex. He is very mean to me. It dawns on me now that he is a real bully. I have a court order saying he needs to pay a certain amount, but he hasn't been paying it. That means our mortgage hasn't been paid. I went to the courthouse, but it would take them 3-4 weeks to do anything about it. So, they recommended I try calling his attorney. I did, and I thought everything would be sorted out. I should've known better. He promised to bring me payment tonight when he picked up our sons. Instead, he didn't bring payment, but he wrestled their bikes away from me. This will sound crazy, but it almost seems as if he wants to lose the house, and little by little bring my sons' things to his G/F's house. The worst part is that my sons don't understand. They don't know what's really going on. It probably looks to them as if their mother is overreacting.
I've read a little bit above. I don't know everything that's going on with the rest of you now, but...
June & Jazzy - I've had those days, too. :-) I would love to hear the story of how you almost made 5 men cry this week, Jazzy. (That reminds me - it appears I have a radiator leak now, too. I remember I think Enerva mentioning that her car had one.)
BB - It sounds as if that guy was interested and is getting back at you for not being interested in him. Yes?
E - How's your sister? I've lost track of everyone here.
Milky - Hope all is well.
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Life- I am sorry to hear what is going on with your ex. Loosing the house is good for no one, including him. It will impact his credit too. Probably he is giving all his money to the girlfriend to pay for their place and whatever else is important to her. It would be better if he would agree to sell the house and split whatever and both walk away. But that is not what he wants, and I do get that.
He sounds mean and vindictive. I am sure your boys have no idea. It is hard to see a mean parent for who they are.
Will you have someone to go live with if you cannot remain in the house Life? Are your parents still around? Do you have a sibling who can help out here?
Okay, I have had a reoccurring leak (or two) in my car and had the transmission worked on not once but twice over the past 14 months. I usually get told everything is fine and sent away. No problem ma'am, it is dry under there. I walked away once last year and just lived with it, but went back this year and dealt with a different person who was better and said the car is still leaking. I was swamped with work when this all began and don't need to tell any of you, sometimes we just don't have the ability to keep fighting with everyone all the time about them not doing their job, right? Many people here don't really car much about customer service, and sometimes it takes a few things to get done right, but this was far too many times. One of the worst car repair experiences in my life.
So I sat down with my car repair invoices last weekend and then went in on Monday after a meeting to have a chat with the dealer. I asked to speak with the service manager and told them I need resolution. That I was out of time, money and energy and wanted to the car fixed and it was on their dime now. They agreed and apologized again (whatever), and I took the car in the next day. You have one more chance guys, don't mess it up!
They put the car up on the rack while I stood there. Trying to tell me there was no leak, "did someone else maybe park in the garage there and it was from another car?" they asked. I told them only my cars are in the garage, but nice try! They kept saying "no leak here, dry as a bone, blah, blah, blah." I am standing there, arms crossed, and told them "keep looking". Five men under there looking and then one of them ran his finger along the back of the tranny pan and said "it's wet here". This one WITH a brain traced it back to a seal on the side no one had obviously looked at. They removed a covering and it was obvious it was leaking and running back and dripping down from the back of the tranny pan.
I cannot tell you how much I loved the look on their faces that I was vindicated that THERE IS A LEAK and YOU WERE WRONG! I thought they were going to cry. Men so hate to be wrong, especially when it comes to a woman telling them something about a car. The service guy said "I guess is this a story of how many men does it take to repair a leak" and I replied "well, I count five of you!" I had a smug look the whole rest of the day.
So the seal has been replaced and good news is that the leak appears to be resolved per the service rep, but they called today and said lets keep it over the weekend so we can be sure. I said agreed (I had asked them repeatedly as I brought it back each time to not rush fixiing it and be sure it was resolved before they gave me the car back). No one listened. And I know it is because I am a woman. And no, I doubt they will learn from it or change the way they treat women. I hope to be done with this repair and on to enjoying my little convertible for the summer.
That is how I made 5 men almost cry. From the realization a woman seemed to know a bit more about her car than they did!
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jazzy - wow that's awesome!!! Would love to be there to witness the whole thing
Life - oh I am so sorry....he's crazy and not a kind person
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Jazzy - Great story. :-) Wish I could've witnessed that at the car dealership!
June - Thanks for the sympathy.
I don't want to lose the house, and I also don't want to be a burden to anyone. I do want to be financially independent ASAP. But I'm not letting the ex walk away from the mess and the large amount of debt that he created (long story).
Tomorrow (Saturday) there's a conference for women that I signed up to attend. There are free workshops there such as financial workshops, career workshops, etc. I'm looking forward to it.
Have a good Saturday, everyone!
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Life- your conference sounds like it is perfect timing. May you meet all the right people this weekend to help you with what you need to do to take care of yourself.
You should not have to loose your home, or be responsible for another person's bad decisions, etc. You deserve only the best Life.
Sending you love and wishing you only the best here.
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today has been really hot so summer wear came out, And I am back to having to adjust my clothing, fearful of bending down and all that crap again......i am so far behind you guys, i am so uncomfortable and unhappy being lop side
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hi, just wanted to share this video with you all
Watch "Budweiser Super Bowl XLVIII Commercial -- "Puppy Love"" on YouTube -
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one more
Watch "Super Bowl 2015: Bud Puppy Ad" on YouTube -
https://youtu.be/EM8azoZjI4U0 -
sister is having a hard time. We just don't know what is going on.
till her Dr. See her on may 12. 0 -
sister finished an extra chemo but her Dr. Went on vacation and will see her on may 12, Dr still have no arrange surgery or said what is next for her. My siblings tell me that she is not doing well. That she is not eating well and that she has a lot of pain in her back and arm. I am not sure what is going on.
I love everything about the video lol specially the guy and the ranch with horses lol
I wish there was a dating site to find a man like that lol
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BB - I hope the judge for my case sees things the same way. :-) I think he will. After all, he ordered those payments to be made, and they're not being made.
Lily & BB - It seems as if the reconstruction process takes so long, doesn't it? First you have to wrap your head around the idea of a mastectomy or two. Then finding the right reconstruction option, finding the money to pay for it, and going through the surgeries seems to take forever. When I finally finished with the option I chose, it was a sigh of relief... but I still need "nips," only so that I won't be reminded of the diagnosis every time I undress. I hope we'll all be completely finished with this whole process soon!
Jazzy - Yes, the conference was good timing. It was a "health conference," but I was interested in the workshops there. One of those workshops was a godsend. It was on mortgage qualification.
Here's one thing I learned today:
Did you all know that, as of January 1st, here in the U.S., a law was passed so that medical bills cannot lower our credit score? That's what a banker told us in a workshop today. I was so relieved to hear that. (For those of you in other countries: Here in the U.S., medical bills could destroy our credit ratings.) I'm trying to find more info online about this law. Has anyone here heard about it?
Enerva - I just saw your posts now. I hope your sis is okay.
Love the commercial and the guy in it. :-)
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its been three long years already, and the waiting list is four years but they only put me on the list last Winter so not even halfway there, I am sure its to keep costs d own knowing some of us will die before that deadline .....no point in lngerie as I am flat on one side, have hair coloured but months ahead now of women in beachwear, skimpy floaty clothes that i simply cannot wear anymore, and months of being reminded daily how I am so different to normal women, Winter is easie
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Lily - Why are you forced to wait on a waiting list? What country are you in?
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BTW, about that law I mentioned above: I can't find any info on any such law being passed. (Only info on proposed laws.) The only other thing I can find is from 2014... it says that "FICO Score 9" would give less weight to medical bills in collection:
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I am in Spain......I wanted recon immediately but they refused and for three years told me there is no reconstruction on the public system, then when the Onologist saw how upset and miserable i was he decided i needed it for "psychological" reasons......I was delighted til i went to see the plastic surgeon who told me FOUR YEAR waiting list, so condemned to 7 years of "living" as a mutilated freak, every morning i am reminded i am damaged,every summer I cringe and my stomach churns thinking of it, i go out, bend down, then remember people can see the floor thru my top and i get a rushof shame again.........it happened to me yesterday, and i am in tears writing this..........
Oh i spent thousands of euros on private recon, over 15k but had complications and cannot afford anymore money, esp now I am on my own and feel sure i always will be, i even feel irritated with the dogs.......and i lo ve them
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Life- I am glad the workshop was good and that you found some very valuable things there. I had not heard about that new law, but think it is a good one. I have had some friends get blind sighted by things like that where they never got a balance on a bill for something that went to collections, but the balanced due never got sent to them. I never knew the medical bill thing could ding your credit like that until I saw it happen to some others.
I do know that the biggest cause of bankrupcy in this country is from healthcare bills. It has made me more vigilant about asking a lot of questions about what will be covered or not by my insurance. I had some major hassles around some genetics tests I did, some finally got paid and some did not (but the later were because the BS office did not do their job). I won't do any more genetics tests.
I assume if your husband is not paying, they should be able to garnish his wages through his job?
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how's everyone's weekend? The weather is gorgeous here so I took some walks....very refreshing. Love the trees
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Oh, Lily, I'm so sorry about what you're going through. I didn't know about the waiting lists in other countries. (I just did a search and found articles about that.) Here in the U.S., I had to wait months sometimes for a surgery date. But being forced to wait for years must be difficult.
If you don't mind my asking, why did the first recon not work? And, is there a long wait for all types of recon? Or is the wait only for certain types of recon?
If it's any consolation, even when there's no waiting list, many women have recon complications that delay the final recon for years.
I had a close relative who opted against recon, and she would buy pretty lace bras with inserts. Quick story: When I was very young, I dated a man whose mother was a BC survivor, long before recon was an option. I never knew she had BC until, one day, she leaned down to pick something off the floor. She suddenly looked embarrassed, stood up, and said, "I had breast cancer, so I had to have a mastectomy," as if she were explaining something to me. She apparently thought that I noticed something, but the fact is, I never noticed anything. BTW, she must've been in her 40's at diagnosis, and, last I heard, she was still going strong in her 80s. :-)
Jazzy - I'll PM you with a quick explanation on that one question. (I probably shouldn't put so much info on this public forum.)
About the medical bills...
If the law hasn't been changed, it really needs to be. I used a flex spending account to pay my deductible, but it had limitations. Meanwhile, I was so busy dealing with multiple complications that year, I couldn't pay close enough attention to the mountain of bills. After that first year, some bills were in collection. And, I found out the hard way that, once a bill (no matter how small it is) goes into collection, it becomes a huge mess, even if you pay the collector in full...
This one collection agency was part of the hospital system. The year after I was sick, I worked closely with one agent to pay off everything they said I owed. Then she left the company, and the company started calling me again, yelling at me, claiming I hadn't been paying those same bills that I'd just paid. So, I sent proof of payment. They still kept sending the bills and calling. Finally, I turned the tables and started calling them. They ignored my calls. LOL. Ironic, isn't it? Then they sold the imaginary "debt" to another collection agency.
To make a long story short... It's as if the vultures start circling as soon as you get sick. We can fight them off. But some people are really sick. My cousin was fighting stage 4 cancer. She was a CPA, and yet her bills kept piling up because she was really sick. She just had to worry about surviving.
Even when you're not sick, medical bills are a mess... One time, I paid in full, on the spot, for two of my children to have check-ups. The nurse mistakenly duplicated one child's name, and in changing it, she must've created a third record. That company's collection dept. started billing me for the duplicate record. One agent accused me of having two children with the same name, born on the same day, and of trying somehow to get over on the company. (Right... I'm going to risk my credit record to save 30 bucks?) I sent documentation twice, and they assured me they'd correct their records, yet the notices continued...
Then there was the identity theft - another big problem for medical patients. :-0 I can't wait to check my credit record. It must be a doozy. lol
June - The weather has been beautiful. It's about time, after that brutal winter we just had. Enjoy!
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I didn't have recon, I can't bring myself going in and out of the surgeries. Those anesthesia was hard on my brain....
My boobs were small.....I am lopsided now and i stopped wearing tight tops....don't get me wrong I am conscious but I don't let it bother me. I always wear a jacket or a blazer to cover up yes even when it's 80....
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June- the walks sound awesome. I know someone from here back in NYC this weekend and posting pictures on FB, so I know the trees are all out and glorious. May in the east is the most beautiful month. I remember it well from my days back there.
Life- some of the work I do in healthcare consulting is for hospital billing/claims/bad debt world. That gave me a leg up on knowing how to manage some of the things that came my way by knowing how the system works. I tell them I work in that too, so they know I know "the system" and find I get less bamboozled (now if I can convince the mechanics I know how to fix a car....) It is easy for bills to mount up quickly with a major illness. I will check the PM's to see if you shared anything. Definitely don't pubicly post anything that puts you at risk.....
I went to see comedian and HBO talk show host Bill Maher with a friend last night. We had a great dinner before, had a good chat about life, etc. and just laughed for 2 solid hours. I cannot remember laughing that much in a long time.
Today I am working on the house, finished washing windows and screens, doing yard work, etc. We have had some more t-storms coming in and got some rain yesterday and may be another storm coming. I plan to go walk or bike later if the skies are do-able.
One of my friends is at the NO jazz festival. I think Piper was going to that. My friend said Elton John was amazing last night. I hope Piper is having a good time!
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Now that I look at it, my last post was really long. I go away for a few weeks, and now I'm posting novels here. lol Sorry about that.
June - I don't know whether you're familiar with these photos of a survivor who went natural (no recon) years ago. She's really quite beautiful. She posted photos as an encouragement for other women. Here they are:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/sentenced2live/
Jazzy - Sounds as if you had a great time. I'll PM you now.
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