Single life after a mastectomy
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jazz thanks I ll look into it tmw, for sure I ll love to go there for my week off
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happy mothers day!!!!
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BB- I think one of your boys is overseas with the ex and the other lives near you. Will you see the later today? Or spend time with your mom?
As I am childless and my mom passed a few years ago, this is sort of a weird empty day for me. But I am honoring it by thinking of my mother, grandmothers and the other "mothering" figures in my life. I spent some time in the gardens this morning and was thinking about the lineage of gardeners in my family from my mother to my grandmothers, aunts, etc. It makes me feel good to continue on with the gardening, which brings me much joy. I am going to a free afternoon jazz concert in a few hours too.
Today I planted my herbs I got yesterday in pots. From left to right 1) three kind of mint 2) lemon balm 3) stevia and 4) three kinds of basil. For my summer culinary activities.
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hi, I must say jazz created a hole world of trouble in my mind hahaha by telling me about the ranch retreat I spent. Hours in the morning just looking at ranch retreats all over lol it is not cheap
but I took my riding helmet out of the closet lol put it in my car and I am really thinking about it now lol Even if I don't go away I ll take a class or two that week I am off
Love all the plants
Bb me too I hope you see your mom today.
I miss my mom too jazz it is defenetly a wierd day for me too.
My sisters are celebrating mothers day since they have kids.
I am just dreaming about my week off and I need to Continue studying here is another one for all you mom s out there
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ha ha va bb u make me laugh u are so wild lol Iban so boring lol I am trying to Read my book and keep glancing at horse magazine lol what an obsession I have for a creature whichever so out of my reach ha ha ha like watching attached channin movie lol
I am actually thinking of joining the e harmony Web site but keep putting it off lol
So not into finding someone right now
Unless he is a rancher who is single and sweet with animals lol
Keep looking at that supper ball video ha ha ha
Yes bb go enjoy, have fun but be careful I am so afraid of strangers
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Back from my afternoon out and about. I enjoyed hearing my friend sing down in the old town area and then went to the gym. It is back to spring today, although a bit cooler still. I have some end of the day yard work to do and maybe a walk tonight too.
BB- I guess I thought your one son was living there versus visiting. I am sorry your ex is such a turd.
I never found more than a few at any one time on the dating sites I was interested. I tried it 5 years ago and tried Match and E-Harmony. All the matches on E-Harmony I did not like, dated more from the Match site. I dated one guy for a few months before I realized he was still involved with his ex-girlfriend (who was also married to someone else). I know I have shared that story before. I tried it a year later and talked to a few guys on line, but never met any of them.
Enerva- the dude ranch week was expensive for us over 20 years ago when we went. It is all all inclusive though, food, accommodations, the rides, etc. I was going to say Wyoming is not the best to visit until July though. They get snow into June (I have a friend who lives in Cheyenne and he is always talking about snow this time of the year). Further south in Colorado, AZ, etc. would be warmer. Maybe it is something you can do down the line, if not now. If you love horses, it is an awesome vacation to do!
June- I hope you had an okay day. I don't think your mother lives around you?
Life, Melp, Lilly, Milky, I hope you all had a nice Mothers Day and a good sunday. Best wishes to everyone for a good week.
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happy Mother's Day to all mothers here.
Jazzy - my mom lives in HK. We just spoke on the phone. I think I just made a mistake telling her what a piece of waste he is. I just came to realize there's always one child that don't give a damn about their parents. My brother is one of those
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June- sorry about your brother. Does he have a consuming spouse? I have noticed men with those kind of wives pretty much ignore their mothers once they get married. Happened with my brother and SIL. Well, I am glad you got to talk to your mom.
Your mom lives in Hong Kong?
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yes that's where I grew up....came here for school and never left. I followed my gut to stay here...or I should say I couldn't deal with my father who is so demanding and hard to please. I just felt it's better for me to live far away from him.
And my brothers wife was okay, she tolerated him for as long as she could. I felt sorry for her the second time I met her. They divorced few years ago. My brother is just a f**ked up individual. I stopped talking to him for a few years already. My dad used to say siblings should keep in touch especially he/they leave. I told my mom I could see the way how he treats his own parents and I don't see how he'll look out for me.
I have a sister who surprised me during my surgery recovery. She's there for me.
Do you have more siblings
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June- good to know more of your story. Your brother sounds like a piece of work. And I understand having to move away from family because it is hard to live one's life with overbearing relatives. I moved away once, went back for ten years, then left again and know I just cannot live near my family.
Only three of us starting out. My brother died 23 years ago. Just my sis and I now, and we are close. We have both been through hell and back a few times together. But she has a high demand partner and they try to manipulate me sometimes to do things that are not in my best interest. My brother's wife did the same thing with him. Fortunately, I saw the pattern early, so I just create strict boundaries and remind her it is her job to please her partner, not mine.
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BB- thank you for your kind words. His illness and death changed my life. You know how you grow up thinking you are invincable and everything around you is too? At age 30, that all changed for me.
But that loss resulted in me changing a lot of things in my world that were better for me in the long term (like moving out here to the Southwest). BC has done that for me too. I am still integrating a lot of my experiences from my dx and treatment time and since. I see the world very differently now.
Are you going on a date with the musician guy?
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oh jazzy - sorry about your brother. It must be very devastating. My ex brother died in a car accident when he was coming back to his HS graduation. They were very close. He still speaks of him fondly. The brother was about 19 20 yr old. It changed the family dynamic.
BB - sorry about your father. It's such a young age....had a friend died of cancer he's not even 40 at the time. Leaving three children behind. The aunt and uncle are close to them and take them on trips....
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June- it was devastating at the time and changed my world forever, but with time we go on and just try to live our life more purposefully. My SIL remarried, my nephew (his son) grew up and turns 26 this year. Life goes on, but is different after someone is missing.
BB- I am sorry about loosing your dad too. That is another huge loss at a young age.
That musician guy saved you from a bad scene. Be grateful you found out early he is a jerk.
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BB- be very careful about online dating. There are all sorts of guys up there....most of them looking for sex. But if you are lucky you can meet someone nice and treat you with respect. But be very careful.... C is a lot for a guy who's looking for some fun / sex to handle.
I'd use your free time to volunteer which creates a network for you. I hope you don't mind me saying this...only as a kind suggestion.
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I cannot even contemplate the dating scene unless there is one called freaks r us, for abnormal people - but can you imagine what kind of people would be on that?......men without, lady boys.......oh dear.............and me for a start...........
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lily - we are not freaks. We are just a little damaged.
I watched a short clip of documentary. This lady had a fight w her sister in law and the in law drove off while the lady's hand was caught in the car handle. She was dragged for a good while and her face was destroyed. Her husband left her and she found a new love. I think when you are truly happy or content w life....someone will eventually come along. Someone will love you for who you are and the love is not skin deep.
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I hope you ALL had a beautiful Mother's Day yesterday, whether celebrating with your mothers or honoring them in memory. (Enerva, I vaguely remember you talking once about helping to raise a child.) I've had three children, but I must say, Mother's Day was always more about the grandmothers and less about me in our family. I myself thought of it that way. Although, ironically, my own mother buys me a gift. lol Every year.
Yesterday, when we took my mother out to dinner, I gave my sons a lecture on giving up your seat to a woman and holding the door open. What do you ladies think about a man holding the door for you? Or giving up his seat? I'm not out of line there, am I? I want my sons to be gentlemen, but they didn't have a good role model. Beginning from when they were little, their father often would take them and walk ahead of me, sometimes losing me at an amusement park or a store. I want to make sure they don't do the same to their own wives/girlfriends.
Very sorry about the losses many of you have suffered in your families. We lost my father 8 years ago, and our hearts still hurt.
Has anyone heard from Milky? I hope she's all right.
BB - Maybe the photos don't do justice to those other men on the dating site. Maybe they're worth a second look. A man can come across one way in a photo, but the way he walks and talks can make him very attractive.
Lily - The lady who started this thread found love. It happens for many women. But, I understand how you feel. The big question for many women is, when do you tell?
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life - i think what you told your sons were the right thing to do. i would do so if i had any. i think the society expects men to do certain things. i had some men cutting in front of me in the subway or in front of my office building (i wasn't walking slow) and i thought that's just ill manner, even for a woman.
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June- I agree with you about on line dating thing. I just did not meet the type of people there who were looking for what I was looking for.
The whole picture thing is a big focus for some. I met men who clearly posted pictures of themselves 20 years younger. I was more interested to know who they were as a person when I met them. Given I am in my mid 50s, I assume anyone I meet may have had some sort of life changing surgery too. Many of my male colleagues and friends have had heart disease, cancer and more. I know one friend who has been on line dating and meeting men who have talked about their heart surgeries.
Lilly- I don't consider myself a freak, but rather someone who went through a whole lot of surgery a few years ago and have a forever changed body. I know some of what you experienced with your surgery, that awful infection, and everything you went through. It was very bad for you, so I am not trying to diminish that. I think surrounding yourself with supportive and kind people may matter the most as you work to recover vs. putting yourself in a dating situation right now. Too much stress for you at this time. Dating can come with time. For any of us, really.
Life- when I was growing up in the 70s and was an ultra feminist, I used not like any of those gestures. Now I do like it, I consider it more of a social grace than anything about men not seeing women as equals. Companies that do not pay women fairly I have an issue with, not a man opening a car door and closing it for his date. I think teaching your young men these social skills will serve them well. I think your mom is sweet for getting you a mother's day gift, she is honoring the great mom that YOU are!
No word from Milky since she told us last week about her husband leaving. Milky, you out there and okay? I think she said she was starting her next semester and no doubt is up to her eyeballs with all of this.
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hi. Well I got bad news my siblings told me today that my sister is not doing well for a week now. They didn't want to tell me cuz they don't want to upset me but she is having lots of pain now in the lower back. Did an MRI today and now waiting for results. I am no sure I fear. I can't concentrate I read my book and my mind is going way. I just hope if my sister has to go away that she does with no pain. I am so sad and there is this huge sour feeling inside me. The same feeling I had when I saw mom and my brother suffering pain. I am sorry guys I had to come and vent a little.
Bb I fear for you too Internet dating just scares me. I met my ex on a site and I was lucky in the way that he was not a crazy killer but I am not strong enough now to find someone on a dating site. I fear, I am a mess now I am angry at life and I don't see the sun coming out any time soon.
When does it gets easy for all of us? Does it ever?
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Enerva- I am so very sorry about this news. I am keeping your sister in my thoughts and prayers as well as sending you love and peace.
Just no words I can say to make any of this better. Just know I care.
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Enerva - I'm sorry for what your sister is going through. I hope there's another reason for the pain. Please let us know what the MRI finds. I hope you'll always feel comfortable coming to this forum to vent. We're here to support each other. {{HUGS}}
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BB- good luck with the mammo today.
I like to hear you met a "sweet man" to go listen to music with.
I think a lot of men have problems being friends with women. The ones I know that can be friends with women are usually married and we are more professional colleagues/friends, but there is no weird stuff with them. The two guys I went to dinner with last week were just such men. I think single men always are hopeful for more.
I have been having some issues with my asthma and going to see my PCP tomorrow. I think I need some Advair. Of course I went to the "I wonder if I have a lung met" thought, but know the symptoms of the asthma based on having it my whole life. I am getting used to always thinking first it is the cancer coming back. The not so good part of the new normal.
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BB - good luck with the mammo. It's so painful for me.
Jazzy - hope you feel better soon with the asthma
E - I am sorry. I don't know what else to say to make you feel better....
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June- thank you. BTW, are those kitten paws your kitty?
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BB- it sucks you have to wait. I think women who have had bc should be told right away. I always have them come in the room after to tell me the results (most of the time is "we see some calicifications but think those are from the rads/surgery". Sometimes oily cysts/fat necrosis but they watch them to see if they grow. Sending you positive vibes for good outcomes.
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Enerva, Milky - Hope everything is all right.
BB - A "sweet man"? Sounds perfect. Have fun. :-)
Jazzy - Good luck with your dr's appointment.
I have my 6-month checkup tomorrow with my onc. I think I'm overdue for lab tests, so I'm hoping everything looks fine when I do have blood work done. Also, the ex is playing games, and now something just happened to my case. (I don't want to go into detail.) Sometimes life isn't so wonderful, eh? lol
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Life- wishing you better days. I hope that your apt goes well.
Sorry your ex is such a PITA.
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hi ladies, well thank you all I must say we are all worry but I am hoping MRI won't show cancer anywhere else. She had a better day today and guess what tmw is her birthday and is the appointment to get the results. I was shock when they told me the results will be ready tmw since she Gothic done Monday how is it possible? Anyway it worry me since she is the one person I know who loves her birthday to be such a big special day. So imagine my entire family is trembling about tomorrow. We don't want to think of bad news but it is hard not to. I will let u all know as soon as I hear something.
I came home went to exercise down at my building gym and I am in my bed now will read a chapter and go to bed the upper of my neck hurts from stress from work and I am like out of it all day I Blink and the day is over I am so busy still not having a Break working long hours Las week I worked 47.5 hours and I am so tired 😴
Good night that's for all your good words
Love u all
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