Single life after a mastectomy
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Enerva- sleep well friend. Prayers for good results for your sister. Hard to know if she has not been feeling well from the disease itself or all the hard treatments she has been through. My thought is that the news on her birthday can only be good.
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Enerva - I hope you have a restful night and your sister enjoys her birthday tomorrow. She'll be in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep us posted.
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Enerva, I've been "following" you and your "gang" - or snooping... anyway - sending prayers for your sister's birthday and for you and your family. Tomorrow I will be one week out of my BMx/recon surgery.
I'm not sure of your age and career field, but I do understand your frustration and fears. I'm 55 and until 1 1/2 yrs ago enjoyed a high level management position that was challenging and fullfilling and my boss was kind, wonderful. But I had been struggling witih health problems for a couple of years, always allowed to work my own hours (around my health issues). It was a blessing, and the money wasn't bad. But then the migraines became disabling. In bed for days at a time. I've applied for disability. And now - cancer -
But I've been going through my savings like water - several surgerys even before the cancer - and I don't think I can pay the bills on disability! And I don't think I can commit to a 8-5 job in good conscious -
Here's my resume, and oh, btw, I'm in bed with a migraine 4 days a week...and did I mention I have cancer. Yes, I am a 55 year old woman.
I don't think that's going to fly! So, I'm thinking of maybe going into business for myself...I don't know if that will fly or not either...but I was thinking - maybe that would be an option for you???
Blessings, Prayers, Hugs, and Laughter
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Migraines are miserable, have you tried taking magnesium at night?
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Vol4life- welcome to our thread. I am sorry you find yourself here as a bco patient. We talk a lot about our work challenges here, so vent away.
I am self employed and have been for 8 years. Self employment can give you some flexibility with when and how you work, but there are less safety nets there for you too. You just have to be sure you have those in place like a good financial cushion, good insurance, etc. I was in between assignments when I got diagnosed and 6 years into working for myself too so I was fortunate those things were all there for me. Right around the time of dx, one of my major clients had a project for me so after surgery and recovery, I went to work for them on a 30 hour a week basis initially, and worked remote a couple times during rads treatment. Eventually I worked into doing more with time. There is a constant pressure to work and make money in the self employment world. You are your own paycheck.
I have had far too many overbearing bosses through the years (like Enerva is dealing with right now) that pushed me to work OT. After my last FT job with that, and having health issues in the end, I told myself no more. That is when I decided to go work for myself. I just talked to that old boss recently around some news related to a former co-worker. He was just a crappy manager. I have worked for some though that will do things to really make a person miserable if they are not getting their way. Those bosses are tyrants. As a self employed person, you can fire your clients (tyrants) if you need to.
If you have been a high level management type (been there in the past two), you may be able to work for yourself as a consultant. Maybe when you are done with treatment. It takes a lot to set up and get going with a new biz so you want to be feeling good and ready for that. Maybe you can become a management coach too, that is very popular and needed by many. I do a lot of coaching in my work too.
One thing I will share that I recommend to anyone self employed- do not ever share with your prospective customers or clients that you have or had cancer. Although my client knew I had some health issues I was working through, they never know what. It is none of their business anyways and it will always give them a reason not to select you over someone else. I never told any of my friends/colleagues either outside of a trusted few (well, one has turned out to be not that trusted but I am staying away from her now).
Hope your days get better sister. Glad you felt ready to post and share with us.
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BB- oh I was really talking about not disclosing it to clients with respect to the question about self employment. But do think all of us are careful not to openly share it with folks because it gets in the way. The only person I have told beyond the original few folks I did tell at dx was my friend who is going through endometrial cancer treatment right now.
Good news there, she finished her last chemo treatment yesterday. She is done with her entire treatment now so we will be going to celebrate soon. She knew to keep my stuff private and has. She had some bad experiences early on with her boss sharing her diagnosis publically on FB (she should have sued.....) Cancer people respect each other like no other relationship I have known. We are a club for sure.
I have become much more solitary and too myself since going through this. I am naturally social person, but not so much anymore. I was reading up on PTSD and may have a touch of that myself. I understand the whole aloof thing. I can put on a good act with my work stuff, but outside of that, only a few people I like hanging with anymore.
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BB- I am 5'7 and get the short guys too! I cannot say why that is but sometimes short men like tall women? I like my men 6 feet or taller. A tall man is attractive to me. I had men 20 years younger or older contacting me too. I will go 5 years younger or older, but much more than that, it becomes iffy to have things in common.
I went to the PCP today and the good news is my breathing issues are ONLY asthma. While I was in talking to her, I told her that I worry every little ache and pain can be something more, like the cancer back and/or somewhere else. She heard me and said "lets take an x-ray of your lungs." So for a moment there, I was scared, and starting already thinking about the what ifs. But in the end, my films were good, no signs of mets or any other greater concerns. I am telling you ladies, big WHEW over this way. She gave me some Advair for my breathing. I will see her again in July for my annual physical.
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BB- I am fine with hearing about it. Since I am leery of dating yet, I am glad for anyone putting themselves out there and giving it a shot.
Definately go out with a few different guys. I did when I did on line dating. The world is your oyster my dear......
Enerva- yes, please let us know your news from your sister's tests. We care.
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lol BB do tell. I am listening...
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Lilly55, I'm guessing that the migraine tip was directed towards me - but I am still learning my way around here. Yep - I've tried everything!!! My "headache specialist" has them down to only about 4 to 8 sevier (bed ridden) headaches a month - which sounds aweful but I lived in bed most of the time for months before i found this 2nd Neurologist. I've been on Botox for several months, but my BS has taken me off of that and another one of my migraine meds (I've got 5!) So I don't know where to go from here. When I got my dx early Feb. my head exploded for days! (shhhh - I skipped the meds and bought vodka - knowing that it would make the pain worse the next day but gave me some relief from the physical pain and the stress from being newly dxed at least for a night or two.)
Odd thing - I never had headaches of any kind until I had sinus surgery about 3 years ago - two weeks later - BAM!!!!! DOUBLE, TRIPLE BAM, tourture! But of course - ENT doc says migraines after surgery was just a coincidence??? hummmm
Lilly, do you have migraines? I pray you do not.
(Wishing for spell check!)
Blessings, Prayers, Hugs, & Laugher
Jerilyn in TN
Vol4Life
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vol - sorry about your migraines....
Jazzy - good that it's asthma only. I also pay a great deal attention to little pain in my body...whenever I feel not the normal self I think of cancer coming back. I try my best not to go to the dark place
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BB- you are worthy of love. Don't feel that you are not. We have all taken a big hit with this stuff we have gone through.
Vol- I am sorry about your headaches. I agree things that show up like that after a procedure are NOT coincidence. Please stay here with us so we can support you.
No judgement about the vodka when diagnosed. I could have down a fifth all by myself with that news.
I decided no exercise tonight. I need to get another treatment in and get my lungs better. The asthma wears me out.
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BB - you have to see yourself as the real you. The deep deep inside of you. Once you are comfortable with yourself then you will attract the real man who appreciates you for who you are.
Looks fade...but the inside like wine will get better as we age as we experience life. We are the kind that went thru a lot and that made us have empathy and love....you just have to believe that's more important than something skin deep.
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June- right on sister. I could not agree more.
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Multiple lesions with contrast enhancement level D6 . D8 . L1 . L2 . And L3 . They are suggesting probable secondary infiltrative pathology at this level
Just as in sacroiliac joints correlated with clinical history and bone scan .
Prominence annulus at the level of L4- L5
So there that is the MRI results. We suspected is not good. She is in a lot of pain and my family is going through hell. Tomorrow the Dr.will review this results and will say what he please to say. I am so sad
I ll let you know what they tell me tmw.
Good night
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BosumBlues, and all
", so sad that when I am interested in someone I freak out. All insecurities come out. When my ex left I felt that I was a great catch, his loss. Not so much now." Ditto
I'm making strides. I'm finally reaching the point where I'm trying to comfort some of the newbies here. Of course I don't have all the answers either, I'm just 1 week out from my BMx/TE nipple -sp surgery.
Prayers, Blessings, Hugs, & Laughter,
Vol4Life in TN
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Oh, Enerva, I'm so sorry to hear this news. I still wouldn't give up hope yet. There are women who live a long time with stage 4. It all seems to depend on the pathology and the available treatment, of course. This one actress named Marcia Strassman was DX with bone lesions from the get-go, and she lived 7 years on intravenous Zometa. Here's more info on Zometa:
http://www.webmd.com/breast-cancer/news/20110603/bone-drug-may-prevent-return-of-breast-cancer
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Enerva - Adding to my last post... Upon checking further, it seems the Zometa itself was used to treat Marcia's bone health (reduce the pain, etc.), whereas an aromatase inhibitor was given to inhibit tumor growth, so Marcia's cancer must've been estrogen-positive. I hope your sister's doctor has a solution for her tomorrow. Your sister is a fighter, and she has a child to think about, right? I hope the doctors are willing to try every possible option to help her.
{{Hugs}} to you and everyone here. Also, to Milky, I hope everything is all right. And welcome to our new friend Vol4life.
BB & Jazzy - I wish you could send the short guys in my direction. I'm 5'2" tall, but somehow always ended up with men 6'-plus. Coincidentally, I was just reading recently about men looking for much younger women on online dating, whereas women prefer a difference no greater than 5 years.
Today at the oncologist's office, I was told I'll probably have to continue with Femara for another 5 years. I also found out I haven't had a blood test for more than a year - I didn't realize I'd put it off for so long. I also found out about a place that does nipple tattooing free-of-charge.
E - You, your sister, and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. I'll check in again tomorrow. {{Hugs}} again.
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hi, thanks life. It's 2:38 am I just couldn't sleep I booked a flight. My family doesn't know I ll go for my week off well it will be a Challenge but it may be my only chance to be with her at least for a week. I am beyond words or thoughts. I know there is no treatment available back home. She is suffering a lot of pain. I learn today she has been suffering a lot but I was not told. Anyway it will be a long travel due to my country been in a political mess so not direct flights. I had to book a flight to Aruba and one from Aruba to vzla. Flight to Aruba is not direct. Stopping at Houston.
I ll keep u all posted.
I need to survive what ever I ll have to see there. They told me it is just the same way it was with my brother.
Anyway hope this all pass fast. I wish if she is to go I hope it's fast. I don't want her in pain
It seems it's the pain which is not manageable so. I know what to spect now.
Won't be easy
Night
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E - have a safe trip.....I wish your sister the best...
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Enerva- I am so sorry to hear about the bone cancer with your sis. It is not good that she is having so much pain and that they are not helping her with managing that. I think it is good you are going to see her, and know this will be a difficult trip for you. Sending you love and peace.
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Enerva - I'm glad you've found a way to be with your sister and family at this time. I'm so, so sorry. Your family has been through so much. I wish there were a way your sister could travel to another country for treatment.
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hi everybody
Sorry i was away coz i was busy n stressed .husband left the home last week for the girl he found.this basterd told my kids to do packing for him .this was more damaging for them .kids n i were very upset easpacially my daughter she was crying for 3 days couldnt go to school .i tool them to new york i told them we will start new life wen we come back and it helped.
I asked so many question wen he was leaving but he had no answers .the biggest regret is wasting my 21 yrs wid wrong person.i told him its my bad luck i found you and its my kids bad luck you are their father.
Need to sort out things legally .
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Milky- making one's children pack your things to leave the family for another woman is despicable beyond belief. This man is cruel to you and your kids, and your family deserves better. That woman has no idea what she is in for. He will be cruel to anyone who comes in his path.
I am sorry about your problems with all this. Hugs sister.
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Emerva - so sorry, real tough on you too.....
Von - I had migraines but given what you said about sinuses have you thought of seeing a physical therapist to release tissue and tension around that area and also acupuncture? Works better than drugs I think, hope this helps
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i am on the train on my way home. I am so tired I ll try to focus tonight on my book and tmw my exam Saturday then I ll travel Sunday morning.
I know it is not easy for all of you to hear what's happening specially cuz we all became so close in this tread. I do thank you all cause you allow me to vent and talk about what is happening. I stopped sharing with my siblings cuz I hate how they become too concerned sometimes but I do love I have you all here and we always tell each other what ever is happening in our lives.
I worked 2.5 hours over my time today. There were so many issues and I may need to work late tmw too. Hopefully I ll pass my exam I ll try my best. I considered to postpone it but I want to try it n maybe luck ll be on my side this Saturday.
Ll post later before bed time.
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Unfreaking Believable!!! And I thought my day was bad. My husband kicked me out of our home after 25 years (we had 2 years of back to back deaths and finally his bipolar got the best of him) Eight years later, my kids tell me to be glad I'm out of there because he's worse now than ever before. We have a legal sep. Not a divorce but NEVER speak. Funny, he doesn't push for a divorce because, I think, it gives him a good excuse not to have to marry that crazy woman he moved into my house! He also told my daughter that I'm faking cancer, or the doctors are faking the tests for the ins. money. (Of course he also thinks I have a secret checking account somewhere, storing money away all those years...LOL)
Some men (follks), well, there is just something wrong with them mentally and spiritually, and it gets worse as they get older.
Prayers, Blessings, Hope and Laughter
Vol4Life
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BB - I hope you're right about controlling the bone mets.
Enerva - When cancer was found to have spread to my father's bones, the radiation oncologist told him she could clear it all up with radiation. His onc put him on steroids first, and he started rads soon afterward. That was a different kind of cancer, but I see that breastcancer.org mentions radiation for BC mets to bone/spine and other places, too:
http://www.breastcancer.org/treatment/radiation/metastatic
And, Enerva, never hesitate to tell us what's happening. I truly believe that we all are strong women here, and we'd want to know what's happening. Good luck on your exam. Glad you can be by your sister's side soon.
Milky - Thanks for the update. You're a great mom. Taking the kids on a trip to refresh their thinking was a wonderful idea. I know that some of us (or maybe all of us) can understand and relate to how you're feeling right now - especially regretting devoting so many years to someone who turned on you later. I spent almost as many years in marriage, and at first I felt regret, but then I realized that, because I made the mistake of marrying this man and then staying with him, my children exist. So, when I think of it in that way, those years spent in what turned out to be a terrible marriage were worth it. {{Hugs}}
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Enerva- since you will have a busy work day tomorrow, test on Saturday and are leaving Sunday, I am wishing you safe travels and a good visit with your sister and your family tonight. Try to take care of yourself along the way here too.
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