Single life after a mastectomy
Comments
-
0 -
Hi ladies- more rain today (and hail, ugh), but my breathing is finally better. I am going to to the gym shortly to do weights. Been missing my work outs but doing weights will be a good way to get back into it. I will do something more aerobic tomorrow. I feel the best today I have all week. Whew!
I went to see my dermatologist today to check the spot I had some basal cell carcinoma removed last summer. No signs of reoccurrence and no new issues with my full body check out. Good to come through another "follow up" a-okay.
Wishing everyone a good weekend, especially our traveling gal, Enerva.
Hugs to everyone else here and wishing you brighter days.
0 -
hi ladies, today sister saw a new Dr.who schedule radiation starting Monday. Also she was given pain drug including morphine so I know she is in bad shape. ;( I had a extremely had week. And today it was brutal at work. I managed to finish most of the testing and did my best to leave instructions to coworkers I ll log in later from home to send a few more emails of things to be followed while I am gone.
I will try to study tonight as much as I can then tmw after my exam I ll go to bed to recharge my battery.
I will have a long day Sunday need to be attending airport at 5 am. Flight is at 6:30am then Huston changing plane to goto Aruba taking a plane in Aruba to get to vzla around 5 pm then drive 2 hours home. I am sure it ll be a difficult week of radiation every day and who knows what is in stored.
I am very empty and exhausted and I know what is coming.
Hope all is easy and hope if she is to go I hope is with minimal pain.that's the goal now.to prevent the pain.
My entire family is in a state of pain and I hope I ll bring them a little light.
My older brother blood pressure is in bad shape and I overall all of them are in bad shape.
No sure if this makes any sense but my brother told me he feels my mom was a piece of the dominoes and once she went we will all drop one by one.
It sure feels that way now. It has not been a year we lost my brother now one of my sisters is in the line. We all wonder who is next?
Hope I don't bring sadness to you all. You guys are like my family I love you you all and thank you for been here.
Will post again before I gotta bed which ll be very late tonight.
0 -
Enerva- I hope you can get some rest before you travel. You have so much on your plate and this trip is going to be tiring with the multiple flights. Can someone come pick you up at the airport so you don't have to drive after all that time in the air?
It must be very frightening in your family for so many siblings to have cancer. One gone so very recently, and your sister struggling to survive. I hope the rads help her bone mets. I am sure it will cheer her up to see you and know you really need to see her too.
You can share anything you want here. I anything, been through much with my family too as you know and can be present with any thing you need to share. I will be here for you.
Sleep well sister. May you have the strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other right now.
0 -
I had two interesting and positives experiences yesterday. One was I ran into a man who has a car similar to the one I have and struggled to get fixed right with the dealership. I asked him where he has his car services and he gave me the name of this other place. He told me the dealer is a crook, and they tried to rip him off for $2400 for a $300 repair. I told him my story about them never fixing the leak right and all the back and forth on that. I had been thinking I needed to try to find another place to get this car serviced next time, and the solution just came to me. I love synchronicity like that.
Second experience was meeting my friend/client for drinks last night and talking about a few things present and past. I know I shared with you that god awful project I did for them as I was coming through treatment and after. My client has always been great to work for, but we were all integrated into a larger program structure and all treated really badly by people whom were put in charge and did not know what they were doing. I have seen it many times in my professional life, people who are put into high profile roles and their MO is just to abuse everyone. And I know the fools when I see them. I got through that project and when I went back short term to help them, one of them tried to cross me and made it clear "your CFO asked for my help, and I am not working for you." My professional way of saying "bite me."
Anyways, they were just awarded this refund of sorts from their vendor called "Good Install" which is hard to get and the only reason was because of the high quality of work done by the revenue cycle area where I worked. It feels good to know that our efforts resulted in some really awesome recognition for my client and the area I worked in (and trust me, this is good for me too from a professional rep standpoint). It made me feel good to hear this news and also to feel a bit vindicated from all the awful people who thought they knew it all, but left a trail of bodies and total lack of recognition in the end.
Karma has once again made a visit!
0 -
BB- I had men appear and disappear quickly when I did on line dating. I always found there were men who contacted me right away as I joined, either hoping to connect with a newbee, or maybe trying to see if you are interested in them? Maybe those men met some other women and are getting to know them. Maybe they are just playing a game. I have met my fair share of men who act interested only until you say yes, then the split. The thrill of the chase. Too old for that chit.
Going on third day of crazy rain here. I have not seen anything like this in a long time, maybe since the first summer I moved here during monsoon season. I remember it raining two solid weeks in August and a whole lot after that. It was always raining in 1996 when I first moved here. Now it is always raining again.
Here are some cool pics from FB of the storms. The weather here is pretty outstanding to take pictures of.
0 -
Enerva - You really will have a long trip. But, without a doubt, you will be bringing light to your family. Your family has been through so much in such a short amount of time. I know that things sound bad for your sister, but there's always hope. I'm happy to hear that her doctors are continuing to treat her. Maybe that's a good sign. Maybe the radiation will clear out the lesions while the morphine controls the pain. Whatever happens, I hope she begins to feel comfortable as she's surrounded by the love of her family. I assume you're taking your exam right now, so I'll check in later.
Jazzy - Glad you found a new place to bring your car. Beautiful photos, by the way.
BB - I will PM you as soon as I can to share about my case, as it seems you and I both are busy filing motions. I'll be back soon.
0 -
BB- that sounds like something you would send someone who has never had breast cancer. Umm, prone to breast cancer, been there done that? Do they do an ultrasound on you? I think you said this was a new imaging center and less sophisticated. I would ask your MO next time you see her (you don't see a BS anymore, right, just the PS who was going to do the BRAVA?)
I went to the gym today finally to do a weight work out. That felt good after not being able to do much the past week with the asthma. I plan to go again tomorrow. The day continues with alternating rain with some sun breaking through. We should be getting a break tomorrow with the rain, but guess what? It is back on Monday night through Tuesday.
Going to a play I got invited to sponatenously to yesterday this evening, Time to get ready. Wishing everyone a good weekend and hope Enerva passed her test.
0 -
E - good luck with everything.
jazzy - those pictures are beautiful. it's always feeling quite wonderful after work-out.
BB - yes it does sound like for someone who's never had BC. your doc should prescribe your a MRI if s/he think like that. actually most of us would get the result right away and the radiologist is next door.....
went to see Mad Max....it's quite good. i've always liked the guy who played Max and this time he's playing the lead role. so happy for him...he's such a character actor.
i saw my counselor Friday....and told her about a conversation i had w my ex thati am a person motivated by my feelings. and my counselor JC told me i feel quite a lot but i don't know how to regulate them. that i need to work on it. i can control my emotions much better now but i still need to regulate them so i won't explode from time to time. really like her so i was glad to at least talk to her about me...
i also want to share something about a friend of mine. we knew each other about 2 years ago....at the time i felt we both had quite similar experience and same goal in life (work hard but never got noticed, wanted to be good at what we do as an architect). we both were doing the technical things at the time...and later on she went to a prestige design firm and i went to a technical firm (we don't do design but we work with the best designers). since then i felt she's a different person. we actually went to the same grad school but she's 10 years younger....i felt like she just changed team and no longer sees what i do the same way she used to which i expect she to at least understand because she used to do this. and she used to say she's an artist by nature...and now she tells me she wants to make more money (i think her new life style requires more money....in a good way)...and she wants to have her own practice. nothing wrong with all of that. but for some reason i just feel she's a total stranger to me. i can't put my finger on it. i try to think if i am jealous...could be but i think it's more of a disappointment of the understanding i have of her. to me, she's practically a stranger to me...because the one i thought i knew is no longer the one is standing in front of me. i thought we wanted the same thing and now i come to realize i am actually more idealistic about what i want and she's a lot of practical about what she wants. but she's supposed to be the artistic one and i am the practical one...am i making sense??
don't get me wrong....i like money as much as the next person. but i want to do more w my life than after money.
so from a third person POV...what exactly am i feeling?? see i am driven by my feelings....ahahaha
0 -
hi, it's been a long day for me. I am not sure about the exam it was extremely hard I hope I pass.
It's midnight trying to sleep but still not capable. It's the tiredness and the excitement of the trip I guess taxi ll pick me updated 4 am. I ll just sleep in the plain I hope.
Sister is having still lots of pain medication every 4 hours. Radiation starts Monday. I want to thank you forbade link. It's good information. I worry but I know I am very strong and will be able to get answers from the doctors. My siblings just say amen to what ever the Dr say I need more after what I went through here I learn doctors not always know what's best for us.
June I understand so well how you feel.I lost a good friend the same way.
She became a total stranger whom some what did not connect with me anymore. I miss her we were close or so I thought we were. Then she marry a rich man and that was it. She got rich new friends and we all were in her past. I hope she is well wish her happiness though but I did miss having her in my life not the new her but the old one lol so yes I do understand. Some people do change once they get a better position or job and some of us never change who we are. I am glad I am on this side of the ones who never change. If anything I change my belief I don't believe in much but me. I now see life very different.
Hope you all have a great Sunday I ll post as soon as I get access to wi5. Maybe in Houston airport
Love u all
Good night
0 -
Enerva- good luck this week. I think your family can use a "patient advocate" and no one better than you who has had bc. Many people are unwilling/afraid to question doctors. I have never been like that, this is my body, my life, etc. and I have the right to know. The docs don't have to go through treatment or live with what happens long term, we do, your sis does, etc.
I pray you passed your test, your travel goes smoothly, and wish you a good week with your family.
June- I think we are such different people post treatment after dealing with a life threatening illness. I know for me I have come through the other side and look at some people and think "were they always like this or am I now just noticing?" Your friend is focused on the things many people are, prestige, more money, nice lifestyle, etc. But I think you sound like you are much more interested in having quality of life and that money is not as important to you. I think you and your friend have different priorities and that just comes with all you went through. You are now traveling down different paths and perhaps don't have as much in common. I think we all know what matters most to us now and watching others chase after things we don't value makes us go "hmmmm". I have had that experience with a few people in the new normal.
Being someone who may be a "feeler" is not a bad thing either. I used to be someone who got angry about a lot of things and had a lot of outbursts at other people. Then I realized I did not have to fight every argument or injustice that came my way. I did notice I am way more sensitive after going through so much. But I have had to detach now from a lot of things now, although some things still do really get under my skin. Your therapist may find a way to help you to know what feelings to act on and which to just let pass. It took me years to realize feelings are temporary things. Some require action, some don't.
I am going to the farmers market (skies are sunny, yay) and wish everyone a good Sunday!
0 -
BB- maybe the on line dating world is not for you right now. What happened to the meditation group, rowing group, etc? It may feel better to be involved with groups where you can get to know people who will like you for you, vs. whatever they are looking for on line. Even through good friends, we can meet other good people.
I think on line dating thing is tricky at best, as there is so much stuff behind the scenes we don't know about. They may not know we had bc, but we may not know something about them either. And you are more than two breasts my dear, you are a good person with much to offer the world.
I will share with you that as some of my other friendships/group situations have fallen away, I have some new groups/connections that are yielding better results. I am interested to meet more quality people who are like minded people to hang out with. I am learning to let go of the people that no longer fit, and opening up to new and better experiences. I am so tired of feeling bad around some people, I am just cutting them loose.
So if this frustrates you, cut it loose. Give yourself credit for trying/exploring but don't beat yourself up that you cannot make something work that is not meant to. Stay curious and keep looking for the right places to meet the people you want to hang out with, friends or lovers alike.
Off to buy veggies!
0 -
Enerva - I hope you're having a safe, comfortable trip. Your sister and family will be so happy to see you. :-)
June - I agree with Jazzy. Maybe you and your friend both changed because you each had different life experiences. Even after only two years, a person can seem like a total stranger.
0 -
ladies - thank you for your words....they make so much sense to me. Time does change ppl and I just have to accept it. After all I only need to care of my own life.
Look forward to the long weekend already....haha
0 -
BB- try to find a PT job. Start slow and ease back in. It is the best way to go after all this crap.
Some of the job boards have jobs where you can work from home. Look for telecommute (and just watch they don't have some requirement to travel with them, consulting jobs usually do). Try jobisjob.com, indeed.com, Monster.com. I love working from home when I can work it out (got another one of those pending.....) If you need to get your income going, focus there and the rest will follow.....
0 -
Hi June. (Not stalking, just keeping an eye on how you're doing with your edema) This one's for you.
.jpg?1431889300)
I saw Mad Max too. I never miss a movie of his. Now, gotta find something to wipe the drool off my screen. Good lord he's quite the specimen.
0 -
hi Leggo - thanks for the pic, awesome!!!
Tomorrow is the blood test and see my endo at the end of May. My ankles are okay now and I can wear heels...I don't do heels all day now just while I am at work.
0 -
June- good luck with the doc apt.
0 -
thanks jazzy. My symptoms are gone now but i would like to see what the blood test say.
I don't get anxious when my checkups come up with either my BS or MO. But I just hate those apportionments...so time consuming and a constant reminder that there could be a time bomb ticking inside of me/
0 -
Just finished Still Alice. It's really sad. In the movie she said she rather had cancer....I think she meant breast cancer. i agree with her....sometimes life just sux
0 -
June- I have not seen the movie yet, but think it is on rental now, yes? I will see it now, but it won't be an easy movie for me, given I lived through that situation with my father. BC is highly treatable, as long as not found too late, but there is nothing that can be done for dementia. She is right about life sucking sometimes.
I am glad your L is better. It will be good to see what the blood work says. I agree the apts take ALOT of time.
0 -
jazzy - actually it's edema which was caused by tamoxifen. I also have hyperthyroidism which also caused edema...but much less swelling than tamoxifen. That's why my BS told me to talk to my MO to shut down my ovaries. Slowly and slowly I'll be a brain in a jar lol
The blood work is for the hyperthyroid....I've been taking black seed oil and it helps a lot. But a blood work will tell me more.
0 -
June-oh, okay, now I understand better. I hope your apt goes well.
I heard from Sandpiper tonight ladies. I had PMed her a while back as I thought I might be doing a project in her area (the one that fell through a few weeks ago). Anyways, she told me she is well, busy with work, had a great time at the NO jazz festival but is leaving bco now and to wish all of you well. I thought you would want to know since we have talked about her a couple times. I know we all worry when people disappear and nothing is wrong for her, she just said she is ready to move on.
0 -
Jazzy - Thanks for sharing the news about Piper. She did say she was becoming very busy with her life, so I figured she was busy with work, with life, and with everything. Best of luck to you, Piper, in everything you do!
June - I've been wanting to watch "Still Alice." Everyone says it's a good movie.
I hope E is now safely with her sister and family. Also hoping that Milky and her children are doing all right.
Goodnight, all.
0 -
0 -
oh jazzy - that's beautiful. Thank you!!
Life - it's a good movie....it's sad but the angle to perceive AD wasn't from a gain your tears PoV. Which I really appreciate. It's beautifully made nonetheless. And the family dynamics was also very real to watch.
It sort of hit me to the core when she said she rather had cancer. It's something to think about. I was bit angry from time to time about cancer so this really hits close to home for all of us if not me.
After all....i want to create those memory that I can cherish.
0 -
BB - wow look at you...
still got it. 0 -
BB- I agree it is important to put a good face forward to the world. I remember how much effort that was for me as I was going through treatment to try to look nice at my client site every day. Dressing well, fixing our hair, putting on make up makes us feel better and when we feel better about ourselves, we attract the right things.
Enjoy your new young man (I am all for the older woman/younger man thing) and enjoy your concert! He sounds interested!
0 -
BosumBlues!, So, happy for you!! So very exciting! You give me hope - maybe not for the hot kid with a pony tail - but I thought liquor stores were off limit to us BC girls - I'd give up the Hydros for a little vodka right now in a split second! JK (not really) But am very happy you met someone and have new energy in your life!
Blessings, Prayers, Hugs & LAUGHTER!
0 -
Hummm...maybe I should just pack up my drains and head to the liquor store in the next county. I live in a dry county - all we can get here is beer & moonshine - both legal here now...lol...just not my cup of tea!
0
