Single life after a mastectomy
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jazzy - glad you had a good trip.
the BBQ was okay...kind of awkward. apparently they all knew each other, thank god i brought my friend w me. so we both were kind of outsiders at the BBQ. we stayed a little over an hour then took off. and we went for margarita + guacamole...yum. the hostess planned to introduce me to her friend who's a lawyer in his 40s, never been married....i didn't tell her that men in his 40s never been married are just weird. he's good on paper everything but i am glad i left early and missed him. lol
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June- lawyer in his 40s and unmarried may just have been working a lot to make partner in his law firm. Women who choose to be with docs or attys never see them in their earlier careers it seems. It does not sound like you met the guy in the end?
But to your point, my last BF was 60 and never married from anything I could figure out. I remember one of my friends saying after that ended that men who have not been married when they are older don't make very good partners. Well, she was right about that.
I am glad you had a friend with you so you could stop by and then just go. I find it harder to want to hang around with strangers and make small talk. I am not the party girl I used to be.
Congrats on doing a successful "drive by" party visit!
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jazzy - i tend to agree with your friend. i don't want to be cliche but men (most men) especially young men got needs....so by the time they're 40 and still single, it pretty much tells me that they don't need a woman in their lives at all. from my observation, men are more rigid than women, so most men are set in their ways in their 40s....well i am set in my ways in my 40s now....hahaha...
just the way i see my father and my brother treat their wives....i do not want to be married to either of them.
re the friend who's having the party. well....i realized we don't really have anything in common besides of where we work. it was quite awkward. i had a couple of friends in the past (when they lived in NYC), they really knew how to throw a nice party...the right ambiance, food and booozz.....even when i was sitting at a corner ppl watching, i didn't feel awkward. i guess it has to do with ppl's exposure in life...
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June- yes, the longer we are on our own, the more set in our ways we are, but if you watch older couples, they are pretty set too. We all know what works for us after a certain point.
A lot of the men I have met/dated here are just loners. They don't get along with anyone in their families, and they rarely have friends either. I cannot be with someone who cannot be social on some level.
I know those parties you speak of too, I get invited to them sometimes as well and that is why I have learned to do the drive by to parties sometimes. Make an appearance, catch up with folks, eat some good food, and go.
Enerva- did you get back from VZ yet?
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BB - I think 40 year old and never been married for a man is not normal. It shows a lack of commitment. And he won't commit later in life. Perpetually bachelor even he says he wants a woman. And will always look at the flaws...like Frasier Crane...hahaha
A man not willing to commit is a huge red flag to me. and I don't like most of the lawyers. I think they are weasels
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jazzy that's a good one
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June- I figured it was a good one for this group as we are often talking about the bad boss situations in our lives.
So what kind of guy would you like to meet June?
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BB - you might want to check your in box...**wink**
Jazzy - mn...good question bc I hardly think about it. I don't want to go thru all that and find out he's a lame ass. I think I am smart so a slow man is not an option. I admire a man with integrity bc shady men remind me of my evil boss. And if he's not intellectually stimulating then I feel bored. Don't take me wrong, I am not a bookworm in any shape or form but I don't get all warm and fuzzy by talking about weather either. If the first date is Olive Garden (come on we live in NYC) I'll be so turned off.
I see some of my friends are happily married but I honestly cannot be happy in that kind of situation. Cooking for the guy BC he doesn't want to go out to have a date night. Lazy ass lay around so the wife can pick up after him. It's all give and take right? Now I just don't want to give ....if there's nothing to take.
G....I sound like a luny hahaha
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June- you sound like me, I too need someone smart, intellectual, who likes to do things, and knows how to enjoy life. Good food is key too. Olive Garden is not a go-to place for me either. I prefer more local cuisine, even if it is a hole in the wall place. Companionship sounds good, but being a cook and a maid and oh a nurse too, so not my thing. I think casual dating is all I am up for anymore.
BB- I was thinking about E too and wondering if she made it back last weekend. I agree if she stayed that it may signal things are not so good. I hope that is not the case and also hope she got home, back to work, and we will hear from her soon when she is recovered from her trip.
What dating site are you on for older men?
I got my travel plans made for Denver yesterday, and getting some good biz meetings lined up while I am there. I am also going to connect up with an old friend on the way back down through southern CO whom I have not seen in a good 15 years. She has been trying to find a way to re-connect but lives way up in northern CO so too far for either of us to see each other over a weekend, etc. Since I am going through the area where they have a cabin, it is going to happen! I had my primary car in this morning for an oil change and tire rotation, so I am ready for the road on June 10th. I am really looking forward to a road trip. I have not done one in over 4 plus years.
Also, the best news here is a colleague of mine whom I worked with her on the big project a couple years ago, and whom I am often a reference fo,r called me last Friday and said he is up for this FT job in Denver where he lives and if he gets it, he wants to bring me on to do some work for them. Am I interested, he asked? You betcha. I will be seeing him for sure while I am there, and hope to also get in with the healthcare group for a meeting too. He said I can work from home and just travel up there when needed, that is what most of the consultants do that are working there. Better commute than the projects I have been contacted about on the east coast when I do need to travel. Fingers crossed, I think this could be my new work folks!
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It's raining hard here right now. I love a spring rainstorm. :-)
Jazzy - The road trip sounds great, and I hope the job prospect works out for you.
June - I hear ya'. But some men want to settle down in their 40's, so don't count them out completely.
BB - Are "bad boys" really so bad for us? Maybe they're more real than the ones who pretend to be good.
Some of you were talking about dating and dinner, etc. The type of man I'd like to date doesn't exist. LOL. :-( But, if he did and we were dating, I'd be happiest with the simple things - i.e. just spending a day together - nothing fancy - maybe a day at the beach. Boring stuff. lol
I'm picturing Enerva in Vzla taking charge, talking with her sister's doctors, and telling them what to do. I hope her sister is all right.
I'm also picturing Milky putting her life back on track and helping her children to be happy again. I hope all is well.
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Life- taking a walk on the beach with a guy sounds so lovely. Simple pleasures on the best.
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Well ladies, I just finished watching Still Alice. It was very well done and will say having watched my father get diagnosed with "early onset" in his early 60s (we all think it started earlier in hindsight), I think they did a good job of profiling what happens to the person and all those around them.
The only difference with that family and ours is that my mother refused to believe my father had it, even after the doctors told them after a brain MRI. She kept up a pretense with everything around her that everything was fine with him as things deteriorated for years, until it could be no longer denied.
June- I remember you mentioning about her saying in the film "I wish I had cancer" and now having watched the film, I understand better the context of that comment. Her perception that cancer patients get a lot more support. Well, I don't know if that is totally true, but I do remember so clearly how many of my parents friends just permanently disappeared when my father's disease progressed. I remember how much that hurt my mother (and in my mind, I thought "yeah, some friends.") But not everybody did.
It also brought up for me again whether I should get tested for the gene. Because my father had early on set, the likelihood of it being familial is very high. And like the movie, she gets her diagnosis confirmed through her genetic testing as do her children. I have had several rounds of genetic testing around my BC (all negative), but never expected that to come up positive. However, I would not be surprised if the Alsheimers gene would. My sister is very afraid of getting it. We have seen too much I think.
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hi i am back , sisters bone scan was clear but the pain in her spine is horrible, radiation did not help it seems its worse it broke my heart to see what she is enduring .now has morphine in her vein . Pain is too much. I am not thinking strait I m so tired working late shift this and next week.
I ll post tmw
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Enerva- I am glad you are home safely, but sorry to hear about your sister. We will wait to hear from you when you are more settled.
Hugs sister. We have missed you.
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Enerva - Welcome back. I'm sorry your sister is in so much pain. The clear bone scan sounds like good news, but then why so much pain? Rest well, E. We'll catch up with you tomorrow.
Jazzy - One of my uncles dealt with Alzheimer's. He always was such a nice man, and he was a WWII veteran. It was very sad when his memory deteriorated and confusion set in. I'm sorry about your father.
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hi all
Hoping not long until my pre-op appointment!! supposed to be done by the end of july according to hospital standards otherwise it will be overdue..
Was told 90 days from when i saw my ps last which was at the end of april.
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Hi Melp- you are coming down the home stretch now. I know you will be glad to get past this last part. You have had several rounds of this and am sure are ready for a break from all the bc crap. Keep us posted on how you are doing! We are rooting for you!
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jazzy - I am glad you liked the movie. The husband could not stay home one year for her and funny that the daughter who she thought missing a degree was there to be with her. Full of compassion. Life is interesting.
E - hope you got some sleep. And great news on no bone mets
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June- good observation about the husband. He was ready to head off for a job with Mayo, when all she needed was to be where she was and have simple routine (this is so important to dementia patients). And yes, the "imperfect daughter" without the degree is the one who steps up and gives of herself to help her mom. The father even says to the daughter as he is leaving that "she is the better person."
Made me think a lot about my dad today but not in a bad way. His birthday is coming up and I have his college ring and wear it from time to time. I remember the man more now before he went through all that.
Going to the gym tonight for yoga. Need to stretch my old stiff bod.
Hope everyone else here is doing okay.....
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hi all
got my preop letter today!!!!!!!!!!! surgery is on 29th of june for my expander exchange on right and lat dorsi on left side. Im so happy and joyful right now its been such a long road
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melp - good luck with the surgery...!!
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Melp- that is great news. Glad you have a surgery date, a month away. Almost to the end of this process girlfriend. So glad to hear you are feeling positive about everything.
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Hope everyone is glad to be to the weekend. Anything going on for any of you that might be fun?
Our summer jazz outdoors starts tomorrow night. I hope to go with a friend of mine, but she has been stuck trying to fly out of TX with all the flooding issues there. I will go on my own, know lots of people and will probably see my music friend there (BB, the guy in the the pic I shared with you).
BB- that woman that wants to be my BFF contacted me again. I told her I am getting ready to go to Denver and will catch up with her later in the summer. I don't mind seeing her a couple times a year but there is not enough in common otherwise. Does that gal still contact you?
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BB- I am sorry things are hard right now. I was hoping you were off having fun with someone. I am sending you a cyber hug, for whatever that is worth.
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BB - I am sorry...I thought you were feeling pretty good? Anyway....the weather is going to be nice...may be take a walk...it always helps.
Jazzy - what it's like for the summer jazz night? Ppl bring their food and boozz to have a good time? Sounds romantic to me....and relaxing at the same time.
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I would have called 911 asap!!! You are brave!
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June- we have a great little jazz scene here in NM, including a lot of great musicians (some whom have played in bigger circuits like NYC or LA) and the NM Jazz Workshop host events on friday nights for salsa night with latin jazz and then more mainstream jazz. It is in a little amphitheater at the local art museum, and they sell wine and beer and also food. It is a great way to hang out, relax and have fun on a Saturday night. Salsa night is a big dancing night and about the best people watching you can get here. Some dancing during jazz night too. Most of the groups are local, some are traveling groups. It is always a fun time! And yes, with a date, it can be romantic too!
Our zoo and botanical garden also have music going on during the summer too. We have these big summerfest music festivals sponsored by the city in the summer as well as a jazz festival with music all over the place here and up to Santa Fe. My whole summer is usually filled up with music things on the weekends. I always look forward to when this starts and the first of it starts this weekend!
My friend who wants to go made it back from her biz trip to TX and will confirm if she can join me tomorrow night.
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A lot of communities do free music in the summer. My home town in CT does concerts on the green and when I was there last summer, I tried to go but we got rained out. BB, check out the town you live in to see what they have going on. I know you love music too.....
It is a beautiful morning here today. I love the longer day light. After the rain we had, it is finally warming up again.
BB- wishing you a better day today too. I am sorry things feel hard again.
Enerva- I hope you are home resting after your return from VZ and having to work a lot this week.
June- I have visions of Central Park being lovely right about now. Do you ever go there?
Milky, Lily, Vol, Life and everyone else here, may your weekend be peaceful.
This picture is for Enerva who loves horses.
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BB- I think there are a lot of men out there looking for casual relationship with women. I also think there are men looking for something more serious. I honestly don't think you are going to meet the later in a liquor store. Not that you cannot meet people anywhere, but my own personal feeling is that relationships around alcohol don't work. I certainly had my fair share of bar-related men in my youth. I used to work in a bar in college, and there is just something around alcohol and strangers that does not work. There is a real emptiness that comes with spending time with men who just want casual.
Maybe you are just not ready for anything more serious yet. If the casual thing is not working and the more serious relationships don't appeal. I think you need to have some "you time" to work through some things. Maybe you need to find the right place to help you become stronger?
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