Single life after a mastectomy
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Couldn't have said it better than E and Cubbie. Hugs Lily.
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ok here is my view from this morning
Hope is a better day for all I was very sad yesterday cuz I realized I forgot all I had learned my brain can't remember crap
will try again now till 12 then 1 to 5 pm I am not very happy about it. I should have done it immediately when I came back from my trip home but u all know in what state I was here is an example of the stuff I need to memorize 
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I hate when I write and then poooosssss my freaking post gets lots.
OK so I went to the Canadian tire to change my tires to winter cuz I picked them up from my friend s house last night.
I paid $97 for changing the tires and the oil in my car.then the guy says I need to bring in the car to do a bunch of repairs which need to be done.
Add up to another $647.00
Whattttt????
I told them I ll think about it .
Then went to my mechanic you know the cute one lol already married one lol
He tells me to bring it in on Saturday he see only two mayor repairs which should no be more than 200 ; (
So I am piss .
So I called up and made an apoitment and ll apply for a car loan . Have an appointment on Thursday. Most likely I can't afford another payment but I just had enough of the car asking me for money every 3 months
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here is their stimates n see the last page they want $486.61 for labour and the parts only cost 85.41
Now I ask all of you.
WHY THE HELL AM I A business analyst instead of a gd mechanic. ?
Lol anyway thus is Canada n I live here where mechanics are a rip off
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E- oh girlfriend, you are not the only one who has men try to rip you off for mechanic work. Story of my life, I have had to learn some hard lessons in this lifetime around this. Getting a second opinion is key. Second guy is telling you what needs to be done, first guy trying to sell you things you don't need. Some things are labor intensive but I would question that too. Usually bigger labor goes with a bigger part cost too. They think we are stupid. They can bite me!
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$647 CND to put on snow tires and change oil? Am I reading this right? Was that a dealership? I find those to be the worst places for doing very little for a whole lot of money.
Oh wait, I see, this is Canadian Tire, and they're doing stabilizer links for $647? Still seems steep.
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morning ladies.
Yea we get ripped off everywhere E. Sad huh? If you don't know mechanics, and you're a female....
Speaking of, my car is 'sputtering' in reverse and idle, rarely does it sputter once I have momentum, but it does. Any thoughts anyone? Ugh. Need to search here for a honest mechanic again. Right here at Christmas. Of course
Didn't go to work today. Various discomforts between the tightness in my chest, the cords, especially on the right is just burning like chell. The burn on my skin which doesn't really hurt except under my arm. I have 'sizzled' hair follicles. Has some fancy name. Can't remember.
So I took a pain pill for the first time in maybe 3-4 weeks. Whew. Wowzers. My head felt like it was floating! Then I got nauseaus. I freaked out a bit because I didn't think of my night cocktail when I took the pain pill around 7 lol So I called my local pharmacist. I have a pill paranoia. She kind of laughed and said I'd be fine. Just a bit more drowsy.
And the tears were off and on last night. My 14yr old ate candy and left the wrappers on the table so naturally the dogs had to check for any left over chocolate. So, wrappers, wrappers everywhere.
Between work, kids, my damn 21 yr old that is at the center of lots of frustration, life. Ugh. I fussed at my two youngest (oldest was at work). I need them to be more mindful dang it. Leaving trash everywhere, socks, shoes, plates, everything. everywhere. I'm not a neat freak but I like my living room and kitchen to be clean and clear of clutter.
Ugh. Maybe I should have dumped that in the steam room. Naw. I got something else for the steam room. Haha
Hope all of you have a good day. 10 more rads to go
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Simplicity- I am not sure what is going on with your car. Maybe put out a call to your friends on your FB support group to ask anyone in the area who they use for auto repairs? Referrals by happy customers always the best? Not coming at a good time for sure, those stupid auto issues never do.
I am sorry about your kids, it is clear they don't understand how much you are struggling. The younger one is more understandable, but the older one is old enough to help more. Hugs.
I know you have your mother helping you. Does she have a good relationship with your kids? Could she take them this weekend and have a chat with them and help them to understand you need them to help, at least by them not making a mess everywhere that you have to deal with? Someone else having that come-to-jesus talk with them could help?
I guess I am sharing from my own experience long ago when my mother was down for the count after some surgeries. She had to have two open abdominal surgeries when I was growing up. I remember so clearly my father telling me I needed to step up and help and remember helping with simple things as a 12 year old, more when I was 16. I needed to be told "your mother can't do everything she normally does" and maybe someone needs to do the same for you?
And ten more rads to go, that is such good news. May it go swiftly.
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I missed something. Lily and Bb, really wish I could give you two big hugs. I sincerely hate seeing other people in pain. Unfortunately, it seems we can only count on ourselves which makes it even harder. I've been very lucky with my group of friends. I've lost some along this road, but I'm still very blessed.
I've always been a very...closed up person, wearing my heart on my sleeve at the same time. I thought, until dx, or I didn't realize how many people I had let so close. I wish I could make things better for you two
Really. Jazzy-My mom isn't very involved. She was during chemo, but wasn't before dx and I'm concerned that now, a friend of hers is pushing pills to her. My family has a history of pill addiction. Why I don't like all these med's. But also know I need them right now. I just simply cannot deal with all this, mentally, emotionally.
I went to visit her last week (about 20 mins away) and was so pissed I had to leave. Friend was there and they both seemed to be on a pill high. I did casually ask if she had taken anything and she said no, but all the signs were there. My mom knows how I feel about pills. She's the same way. But we've lost all our family on the east coast over the past 12 yrs, her brother and sister, her only son, so she struggles with depression but doesn't buck up and do anything about it. Stays in all day. Sleeps all day. I try to get her out when I can but I can't be responsible for someone else's happiness. Not even my mothers
She has to take control and grab it by the bazookas. LolShe rarely comes up here to visit, and friend and grand daughter have been stayin over a lot more. This lady is a liar, a thief, and a pill pusher IMO. But my moms so lonely (she's married, but they're both very reclusive?) and friend is so readily available....
I obviously have a lot of frustration there. Neither her nor my dad have been there for me much at all in my life. And that's fine. I wouldn't be able to stand on my own two feet these past 12 yrs as a single parent, I believe, if my child good had been easier. Idk. Is what it is, I suppose.
Didn't mean to ramble so much.
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Simplicity- oh dear, that is not good about your mom. The last thing you need to deal with right now, but you are wise to keep your mom at bay with all you are dealing with. It sounds like your parents were not there for you much, and perhaps cannot be much now either. I am really sorry about your mother's pill problem. You are not responsible for her happiness nor her problems.
It is good you are aware of the patterns in your family. You need the meds right now to help you sleep, but you will know when you need to stop them too. I come from a highly addictive family (at least my siblings) and it was part of the reasons for moving away from my family, not once but twice (stayed away the last time some 20 years ago). I took the painkillers and the sleeping meds during my surgeries, but got off the quickly when I could move to other less addictive things. I don't consider myself an additive personality type, but am so aware of the family tendencies.....
Hugs sister. May today go better for you.
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Thanks Jazzy. Hugs to you too. It was a better day. Didn't go to work with all the discomforts. But I'm in the single digits. 9 more to go. Then the waiting starts for reconstruction.
Everyone else hanging in there ok? Seems a lot of us have had a rough time lately.
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ok so first I must say sorry I was away all day from here lol
1- I got a ticket for today's loto let see if we get out of hell
2 I wish I could say anything to make you feel better Lili bb. Simplicity
I was all day running around doing crap
Took all junk out of the car and ll get it clean tmw
Made an appointment for a loan to get another one.
I just had enough. No sure what the future holds but I ll see day by day
Jazz u always make us feel better I love having u in my life .
My friend from Denver has been telling me to smarter up lol I wish it was that simple
She is planning on buying another apartment I honestly have no idea how she is doing it.
She has debts no money her house is rented and she is renting a room lol so she says she put an offer and if it goes through she ll get it.
Why I didn't choose usa when I came here.
Any way I am just dealing with my book and trying to memorize lots of material
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Hi ladies- it feels like winter here right now, highs in the 40s and going down to the 20s tonight. The wind came a howlin' last night and brought through a cold front and some snow up north. Time to pull out the fur lined boots and warm sweaters!
Still waiting on the contract from the client on the new work. Sound familiar? This has been the story of my life this year. Waiting on funding decisions, waiting for a contract to sign, waiting, waiting, waiting. I did contact my client today for updates, but have not heard anything back. They told me they wanted me starting by next week, but that won't happen. They have been in touch for on boarding info so I know it's coming.
Anyways, control the things you can. Been getting some things taken care of here at home, with my committee work with one of my professional orgs, etc. Tomorrow I got invited to an event in the morning that should be some great networking and told myself I will go. I have something Friday night too with the women from this one group that is splitting off as a side group to better develop relationships with each other for collaboration opportunities. I really like the prof women in this one org. Friday night should be way fun. I also am going to another event on Saturday morning for Habitat for Humanity, an organization I really love.
Simplicity- glad you got a break today from work. Is your job continuing to be supportive of you as you finish treatment? I hope being in the single digits feels like the end is near from all this treatment crap. You should do something nice for yourself when you are done with rads and feeling better. Even if it is something simple like a bubble bath or inviting some of your support system over for movie night to watch some click flicks!
Enerva- so what did your friend say, smarten up? About what?
Sounds like she may want to take her own advice about the whole real estate thing. I know people who are into owning property, most people usually try to have something paid off before they buy something else.
I like being here with you too! We get so many people pushing us down through all this, we need to keep encouraging one another, right?
I agree many here are having some tough times. Hugs to everyone here posting or reading and wishing everyone better days.
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Simplicity, the sputtering could be a lot of things. I agree with Jazz, start asking for recommendations from people for mechanics they trust. Be sure to mention when you make an appointment with the new mechanic that you were referred by so-and-so. That way they know they want to keep you and your friend happy.
9 more treatments, that's like two weeks right? Then you can finally start healing from the burns. Counting them down!
If it helps, I hear the same stuff from every parent of kids that age. Stuff all over the house. I have a co-worker whose dog has multiple times gotten into candy in the kids' bedrooms, which they swear they don't have any candy, but where is the dog getting all the candy wrappers from then? Co-worker tells kids, look, I don't care if you have candy, just keep it where the dog can't get it. Oh, no, the kids do not have candy! No sir! It's crazy making.
Enerva, where did you come from when you moved to Canada?
Lily and BB, sorry you guys are struggling. I have been up and down myself. Have OK days, have really bad days. Hugs to both of you.
Jazzy, I love Habitat for Humanity, too. I've both donated to and bought from our local Restore.
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Cubbie- I have been donating to Habitat for Humanity for years. I discovered the Restore here this year, and donated some extra carpeting I had been storing for years, a light that got removed when I fan went up, etc. I recently took some Xmas stuff to them too, as I realized I had far too many decorations and not really that into Xmas anyways. It will allow some families here to have some things for their holidays. They are so grateful for everything you do for them. In the future, I would like to help when they build a house here. Something I could do like painting or the like or maybe learn something about home stuff in the process.
I love Jimmy Carter too, the founder of HH. He is one of my heros. Reading is book right now called A Full Life.
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hi girls after i went to my friend s place dropped off my tires then I took things out of the car. I have some meditation and clarity so I ll call and cancel the appointment which is tmw at noon .I ll call start of day and cancel. It's fullish of me to get another car. I ll pay the mechanic for those 2 things on Saturday and just try to push my car for another year. I'm in debt as it is and with no bonus or rase coming my way due to my a s s Bo ss I just won't be able to afford another car payment. Reality is reality. I know that I am frustrated but I must deal with other bills. Anyway . Cubbie I came to Canada at 19 years old 1993 I was born in Venezuela. My best friend went to USA and I chose Canada don't ask me why it just happened
Feeling a bit low.
Just tired going to join simplicity and taking a blue pill for sleep .neck hurted again today and didn't sleep much last night
Sending u all hugs
G night
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Eneva, sorry you are feeling low. Don't feel too bad about the car. I told my nephew you can either have a car payment, or pay for repairs on a used one - I've done the math, and for me, I always end up paying less per year in repairs on my older car than a car payment would have cost me over the year. Hope your neck feels better in the morning.
Jazzy, one of my coworkers and her husband created a playroom in their basement for their kids with stuff they bought at the Restore - carpet, ceiling tiles, that sort of thing. That's something they wouldn't have been able to afford to do if they were shopping at the big box stores. It makes it possible for people on a tight budget to repair or improve their homes.
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E- perhaps a better car will be there for you down the line. It sounds like you use public transportation to go to work for the most part, so perhaps having a newer car right now would be more stresses on the finances than benefit to your lifestyle. I am glad you found the second opinion for the better repair cost. Hugs on feeling low yesterday and hoping today is better?
I decided to not do the expensive trip next March I was looking into. My sister told me she was interested to go, and I went to the presentation last week, but when I added up the cost for the time we would be there, I decided it was just too pricey. The timing is not good either, if we were to sign up now, I would have to pay for the tour program in full by early December. I am going to still plan to take some time off in March, since I already told my client I would be gone, but have somewhere else in the states I want to go.
Cubbie- that is a great story about the folks who found the great items at the Restore for their family room. I am all for recycle, re-use, repurpose. I could envision a family having that small Xmas tree with their kids when I gave it away.
Simplicity- I hope #9 goes okay today.
BB- hoping your mom is doing better and you are doing okay too. When does the training wrap up?
Life- I hope you are doing okay and wishing you better days too.
I know we had some new folks join awhile back and hoping everyone else is doing okay even if you are not up to posting. We care here.
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good morning yes I agree I will keep my old one for now. I ll pay the repairs on Saturday. I ll call the lady now to tell her I decided to wait. Bet she won't be happy but oh well is my life not hers.
Feeling better I bit sad cuz I could imagine a newer car already hahahhahah like a kid with a new toy but nahhh I must have some resposability priorities
In fact I must think of selling my apt
That is my biggest bill
Ok ll post later have an amazing day
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must share this
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BB- I would report this anonymously. If this is being done through a state agency of some sort, they have hot lines for such things. I understand not wanting to whistle blow and loose your benefits. This is purely nothing more than sexual harassment to discuss anything about his sex life with you or anyone else, or to ask you personal questions. I have had men AND women do this to me in the past and have had to report them or just got the hell away from it. People are freaks with this stuff.
I am glad your mom is doing better and your sister is helping.
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Evening Ladies.
E-hope you're feeling a bit better today. Love the quote of the day! I am hitting an angry phase over SP stuff. Just mad. Still just don't get it. Gotta get it out of my head. But he was my biggest pillar of strength for the past almost 3 yrs
*sigh* k sirah sirahJazzy-wherever you go I am sure you will have a great time!
Cubbie-Great story. Our re-store here has nothing good. I hear the one a couple towns away from me does, but that requires me driving through craziness and I do that as rarely as I can. haha
BB- I cannot imagine how uncomfy that has to be. I'm with jazz. I'd see if you can report it anonymously, but do understand about not wanting to make waves.
My 'sister' has popped back into my moms life after saying some terrible things. My mom had her at 17, just before her 18th in the 60's. Her parents put her in a home for unwed mothers and made her put her up for adoption. Anyway, we found her...maybe 11yrs ago after looking what seemed like forever. We have very differing personalities. She would consider FRB 'drama' and wouldn't want to deal with it.
O'well.
Hope everyone has a great night. I'm working until 8pm. So want to go home and crawl into my bed...1.5 hrs left
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Oh, almost forgot. Yeaaaaa.....angry phase
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Hi ladies- the event this morning went really well. Connected with some people I needed to, reconnected with someone I met when I moved here almost 20 years ago, met some new people.
The fun surprise was chatting with this guy who was doing the music and just playing this AWESOME jazz so I had to go talk to him. Turns out it is by one of my fav artists, composer Dave Grusin who lives up north in Santa Fe. This fellow is also a horn player, so we talked about that. It was a nice conversation, just enjoyed being present with the connect and the music interests. He told me he plays with a band at one of the local breweries so perhaps I need to check it out sometime.
Client contacted me today and said she would check in again on the contract. I plan to focus this weekend on finding a do-able ACA plan for 2016 (is there such a thing?)
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Jazzy, sounds like a good time. Do you play an instrument yourself?
I'm on the other end of the contract scenario - we're trying to hire a service, and we've had lots of delays on our end. Our accounting department couldn't work on the paperwork needed until they finished their payroll software conversion and fiscal year end statements, then I was out for surgery and wasn't around to keep reminding everyone about it. Then when I returned, we had 3/5th of the supporting paperwork done, but we had to make some changes to the contract as we sorted out who could sign for what and corrected a couple of typos. I just sent the last piece of the paperwork over for signature today. It's only taken about 3 months, and it's not anyone's fault.
Simplicity, that also describes my stuffed animals.
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hi ladies. I was busy most of the day. Took like 3 hours to get the car totally clean in the morning then came home took all carpets to dry at my place and logged in to work due to an implementation which had to go in today. My coworkers the new kids needed me so had to coach one of them through it.
Then one of the real estate office ladies msg me to see if I wanted to meet her for dinner so I went. She is very nice she is from Germany and we have a connection turned out she had colon cancer 15 years ago when she was 31 and she is one of the ones who started at the same time like me on the office. She also had a ruff summer and had recently a surgery she had her ovaries removes as a prevention since she tested positive for one of the genes. Anyway it was great having dinner I also found out she was a yoga instructor in the past so we talk and talk came home around 8:30 pm did some reading but I am so tired.
Symplicity I agree with bb. I also understand how you feel and like bb I know only time ll give you piece. I have been in your shoes not once but a few times and it always took at least 2 years to stop the bleeding. It's so not good but it tells us that we did care so much for those souls that our hearts need long time to heal.
I also compare the feeling as when I lost my pets. No to mention loved ones it's just like a nife in our wind pipe like I hear emename say in one song.
Time is the only medicine
Bb wow that about your training how unprofessional. It piss me off but just go in and out and try not to get in the middle of their conversation. Pretend you are reading or distracted if they ask u something. Answer by saying what? What? Sorry I was not paying attention I have my mind busy with some personal issues. I rather not comment.
And ignore them. It's very sad that they waist people time like that. You could be at home taking care of ur mom or ur dog. But you need this stupid training hours so u keep your benefits so hang in there.
Jazz I am so happy you met someone at least to have a nice chat. Hope u see him again . Never know
Curbbi hope you are ok and Lili you must be trying to cope with all the sadness hope you feel better soon we are very strong . And for what ever reason we survive
Tomorrow will be a better day
G night
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Morning ladies.
Jazzy-that sounds like a great time! Do you play any instruments or just enjoy listening? Both my boys play guitar (acoustic). Course the 14yr old hasnt put much effort into it, yet. Hope that contract comes through soon.
Cubbie, that's such a cute image in my head. My DD (17) still has one particular bear she sleeps with. If we go on vacation, she takes it with her. haha
BB-yea. You're right. Glad you discussed the situation with your family. I think E had some great suggestions.
E- Glad you got out for dinner and had a great time!
My neighbors, who have helped me a lot, well, the wife is out of town on business, and her hubby is heading to a big birthday party tomorrow night and she told me yesterday- 'Maybe you can go to the party with H?'
Uh uh. I know these people. Good people. But their ability to party is way beyond my energy level right now haha If not earlier, by 8 o'clock, I am ready for my bed! This is exhausting. I wouldn't say rads are worse than chemo, but it's definitely not easier.
But who knows. May feel differently tomorrow.
Hope everyone enjoys their day!
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Good morning ladies- TGIF and on to the weekend!
Simplicity- I had to decline a lot of evening invites for awhile. When I was working and going through treatment, I was in bed early too. If you decide to go for awhile, take your own car so you can leave if your energy runs down. It is okay to tell friends too, not up for those types of outings right now. People have no understanding how exhausted we are, and having done rads, I know zaps you. Wishing you a good wrap up for the week. Rest sister, your body is still fighting to get through this.
E- I hope you had a good day and got things cleaned out of the car. Yes, I may see that man again, especially since we both play music.
And Cubbie and Simplicity- I play five instruments: 1) flute 2) alto sax 3) soprano sax 4) violin and 5) learning the steel drums! I have been involved in music my whole life. I don't play in a band, too time consuming with a business, but have gigged for special events. I have a lot of music friends here, one of the best parts of where I live. Great jazz scene in my city.
BB- the situation you are in is deplorable. That being said, I understand we cannot fight every battle and if this is only for two weeks, my hope is that you can finish up today and can go. I hope this man does not try to contact any of you after the class, he sounds like someone with zero boundaries. Creep (and that is the nicer of the words I have for him).
I used to work for a woman for about a year back around 2002, whom I knew through a mutual friend and she always tried to talk about her sex life with her boyfriend. She had been dumped by her husband for another woman, and her self-esteem was in the tank, and she was dating many men. One of the men worked with us, so hearing about their stuff was so uncomfortable for me. I could not tell if she was bragging or just trying to make herself feel better that someone desired her so much? Regardless, not a conversation for the work place. I told her I felt people's sex lives were personal and not a conversation topic over lunch. She ignored me and rambled on every time. I am not sure I realized it at the time, but it really was another form of sexual harassment by creating a really uncomfortable work environment. I left the job and she thought we were friends, and tried to keep in touch but I was done with the whole thing. Who does that? People are freaks with this stuff!
Cubbie- I have been on many sides of the contracting world. I have even HELPED this client with contract work with their software products because I have experience with contract management from an exec job years ago. I am mentally telling myself now that is probably going to be December before we get started. Meanwhile, focusing on some other things that need to get done (like finding an ACA plan for 2016).
Wishing everyone a good wrap up to the week!
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E- I heard the news about the terror strikes in France. I know you have family and friends there. I have my cousin and her husband who live in Paris and hoping to hear from them soon. Praying all our people are okay.
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