Single life after a mastectomy
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omg I just run like 2 blocks across the train parking lot to get on the train .It the first time I run so hard lol got to the train out of breath lol
Life lol I don't really care for the gifts thing but the traveling really bug me cuz we were together as casual for 6 years and I took many trips but he did never join me. Even if I offer to pay for it he always said no to me. I deserve a man that wants to go places with me and be proud of been with me. My ex always treated me as if I was his friend and not more. Anyway let's forget about him.
I know a few traders that take their wife on trips and always are talking about it lol there is one that takes his wife to usa shopping for their entire year clothing I thought that is hilarious a guy going shopping lol usually guys hate that.
So yes I do believe they do exist just not in my road though. Lol
OK so the course I really want and need is the macro excel visio power point ect I need to grow my skills on those programs. But when I check they don't allow you to take the macro one unless you have some others so yes I am doing the computer and windows course first as a requirement to enroll in the macro one lol
I am sure it ll be all kids then me hahahhaha I am OK with that when taking a course with kids I usually just use my age as an excuse if I don't understand something lol
Jazz the more I see the site of ojo caliente the more I want to go. You may go back next year maybe I ll go too.
It could be so cool to meet in person.
Bb how is your mom.?
My upper back hurting me again
And I must be at work tomorrow but just hAlf day cuz tmw is my apoitment with allergy Dr.
Finally Nov 6 is here. 😀
Hopefully I am not alergic to anything so I can still eat sea food hahahhahah
Well hope every body have a great day
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E- I got to Ojo a couple times a year, although I will only get there once this year. It would be fun to have you come join me!
I wonder if there are any hot springs near where you live? Many of them are out west, even up in to Canada although you might be too far east from the ones I think I know of. I find them where ever I go now. Some of my fav hot springs experiences have been overseas in Israel an Italy. I guess you can call me a hot springs junkie!
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I feel ya BB. SP was mine. O well. Still stings. Sorry to hear about the training course. Glad to hear your mom is doing ok. Hope she continues & feels a bit better everyday. Really wish something would ease up for you. This chit sucks!!!
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BB- I hope your sister can relieve some stress and exhaustion with all that has gone on with your mom. I hope you can get some rest this weekend. I understand the desire to have someone just take over, even if for a day.
This cold snap has really gotten deep down into my bones. I was so stiff doing yoga tonight at the gym. It is 30 degrees coming home and dropping further tonight. Not the coldest I have seen here (we got to -8 here a few years ago, and ran out of natural gas for heating but that was a whole other story). It just came in fast. Heat and cold bother me more now.
Good night
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Good morning ladies- end of the week, end of training for BB this week, end of rads for this week for Simplicity, end of the work week for E and others. TGIF.
BB- I heard it was unusually warm in the midwest and back east. It can get cold like this in November, it just seemed to happen really fast. I popped my head out the door this morning to temps in the upper 20s. Sounds like it will make it into the 50's today. Well, I hope you enjoy the indian summer weather. I am sure you will have snow before you know it.
Got a hair cut and some other apts today. Still waiting on my final contract from my client so I can get going. I hope it comes today so I can work on it over the weekend!
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Morning ladies. Yes, a small mini vaca from rad's. Yoo hoo!
I think so BB, as far as any type of relationship goes. If this is how he reacts to one disagreement, better to know now. I had a bday card for him for the past couple weeks (bday is 11/20) so I went ahead and sent it. He left a mark that'll stay forever. However I get the feeling once there is a major disagreement, in his opinion, he's done. Friend or not. He seems to have an idea of the 'perfect woman' and the 'perfect relationship' and I sure as hell ain't it. Funny, men seem to want a strong lady, but as soon as you have a differing opinion, they want you to respect their's, but....Is what it is. Lots more I could say on the subject, but, eh. No reason to.
Jazzy-hope it warms at least a bit for you.
Hope everyone has a great day. Not much of a talker lately. Lots going on besides Sp, FRB, kids...looking forward to a weekend spent with friends and rest. Lots of rest
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Simplicity- when I was going through treatment, I was not a woman of many words. I would keep people updated on how I was doing as I went along, but pretty quickly stopped talking about the feelings that go with is. I was a) pretty traumatized by the whole experience as most of us are getting dragged through treatment and b) had a couple people that were not understanding and criticized how I was dealing with the whole thing. Bite me! Those folks are gone now, and know my people showed me who they were during treatment too. So you talk when you want and rest a whole bunch, and just put yourself first right now.
I hope today finishes up the work week okay and you can rest this weekend. Do you have any friends coming over to visit or help you this weekend?
I think sending a birthday card sounds like a nice way to keep the door open with your friend. If he responds, that is good. If he doesn't, you should feel good about sending the card anyways.
I am going to a Q&A session about a trip I really want to do in March, but already know I won't be able to fund it right now. The new contract will give me some good cash flow but that has not started yet and the entire balance is due mid December for this tour. My hope is to get some more info to finalize the decision and if this is a success, my hope is that they will be doing a second trip. I also think it is good to not always do the first time out of the shoot as there are often bugs to work out. I had that experience on a yoga retreat to Italy years ago. It still ended up being fun, but there were a lot of disconnects as the two people leading it had not worked a lot of details out of who was doing what. Fingers crossed there will be another opportunity, and their usually is.....
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ok it's 1:19 pm I am at the Dr office waiting to talk to thus alergy Dr in order to find out if I am alergic to what ever it is lol
Will let you guys know soon.
I am very interested on knowing the result of this appointment ; )
And again got an invite to go north to my ex lol this is getting very wierd.
I text him just saying I am busy and don't think I can make it. He said I should stop been silly.
I am been silly lol
I said :"
I am not been silly. It's time we get on with what ever we must do. . I must Focus on getting what ever it is that ll bring me happiness. You told me that a million times before."So I will not respond to him anymore . I was polite and basically told him It does not make me happy to go see him anymore.
What is it with men ?if he had been there for me in the past when I was there for him everything could have been fine. Now I am not wiling to do it all over again .
OK so they put lots of picks in my arms now
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nothing is mayor yet.
He wants a blood test too since I have no mayor reaction to the niddles
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E- let us know the results of your tests today. It will be good to know if you have the allergies to things, so you know what to avoid. I hope none of it is painful?
Your ex is a piece of work. Drive to come see me is hardly an aphrodisiac. It is good to know seeing him does not make you feel good anymore. I tell myself people I don't feel good around is a loud and clear message to stop. We should always come away feeling equal or better, anything else we should move away from (if we can). It sounds like you are really done with him sister. Better men out there for you when you want that again!
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Yes girlfriend. That is his line drive here and stay over what ever. I am done over done done
It was nice to see him when I went there to his sitter but yet I am not crazy about him anymore. I feel I am a cold hearted lady now. I am not able to play the idiot girl who will pay $30 each way on Gass to then do his cooking or cleaning laundry and s x .to then drive to my place and have to do it all over for my own place no thank you very much been there done that lol
Do not worry about me I am no going to fall again. All I want is to make some money pay my debts and then travel to ojo caliente hahahhaah
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ok no alergy Aparently .the Dr said mostlikely I just took something that made me sick like a pain killer or medication for my cold. I told him that made no sense since I only felt well when I vomited all the sea food. So he said he could do a blood test to double check so I had to pay $80 for the blood test cuz it's not cover by insurance
but I did cuz I rather be sure So no alergy to gluten ither
Humm at least I think I can eat sea food lol as soon as the blood test results come in I ll eat shrimps again lol
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E- that is good news on the allergy test. It is possible you ate some bad, tainted seafood too. I have gotten food poisoning from seafood in the past. Just be very careful in the future. Was it the shrimp that you ate when you did get sick.
And I don't think you are cold-hearted, I think you are not interested in what this guy has to offer (or not offer?) One sided relationships are a dime a dozen in this world, and I have no interest in them anymore myself. The silence will let him know you are moving on. There are men that like to vacation with women, who know how to give a gift, who can be there for you. He just is not one of them.
Something tells me you want to come to Ojo Caliente!
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Morning ladies! Way too early mornin lol
Jazz, I'm very open, as you can see from my page haha My mom doesn't particularly like it but, it my story to tell or not to tell. Plus I have so many friends that have told me over and over that they didn't know so much about cancer and they are learning. I honestly can't imagine that kind of negativity. Although I think some supporters are wearing thin. They say support dwindles as time goes on. Can't blame anyone really (even sp) cause if I didn't have to deal with this I sure the hell wouldn't! I say that because I've noticed more than one that seem to be....tired of hearing about it. Eh.
Had company for a bit last night. Was nice. Just hung out and talked while I straightened the kitchen up. Tonight it's a surprise bday party for my friends husband. Probably stay the night at her house so I can consume more than normal. Tomorrow, rest
and today lolE you think maybe it could have been the sauce or something else you had? Like a sauce on the shrimp? Or maybe it was just stress? I know my tum gets flipsy when I'm stressed. Hope the blood test comes back fine, or you find out what caused the sickness. Not a good feeling to have and not know why. I love shrimp scampi! Just not the best at cooking it lol Bout the only two sea foods I eat, shrimp and salmon.
Hope everyone else is doing ok?
Have a good day!
O geez, and I joined back up to another dating site. Not sure why I keep doing this? Friend said a lot of wise things on the subject that I can't remember lol I just know I have to be careful & keep my head about me. If you've seen Practical Magic (my fav movie), there's a scene where one of the little girls asks her aunt (Nicole Kidman) what love is like. She asks if the little girl has ever put her arms out and spun around and around? And if she doesn't keep her eyes on something steady, she may fall. This is what all this feels like to me except I'm not spinning voluntarily. I'm being spun. I seem to be searching for something steady to grab a hold of....sp had become a rather large support beam in the background, but even when we talked.
Anyway, I put it in my profile again and have actually gotten some kind words (different site than last time). And some weird ones haha
Sorry so long. Rambling thoughts this morning
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Good morning ladies! Waking up to sunny skies but cold temps. Although I do miss the patio and gardens, I like the going-within and hermitting in the winter months.
Simplicity- I think we all have to go through this the way we are most comfortable with. Some are very open and tell everyone, others of us are more private. I needed to be private for professional reasons, but know that is also my nature. My sister also had bc at the same time,and were very both stoic through the whole thing. We are very much like our parents in that respect.
That being said, there are people who just prefer not to deal with anything around the big C no matter how you are approaching it. It speaks more to their own fears, issues, abilities to help another than anything to do with us. Those that want to understand are learning from you what this like.
Sustaining support for anyone ill is very difficult. I had a brother who was critically ill for 2 years and they constantly needed help from me and the rest of the family. Our whole family got worn down, and well, my dad was also not well then either. Focus on the ones who do offer continued support and don't worry about the rest.
About dating, not sure what to say here girlfriend, because being around strangers of any sort during treatment and the effort to get to know them was nothing I wanted to deal with. As a matter of fact, I dropped out of some biz networking groups here for awhile after too, because I was not up for the chit chat. Not great for my business/work but with time, I have rebuilt those connections. Just know that the dating will be there for you when you have some time to recover from all this crap.
And you are coming down the home stretch dear. You may not see that right now, because you are so worn down right now from everything. Like your nurses have said to you "you have gone through more than most." After rads is done, you will have time to heal, get stronger, feel better, etc. before your recon. Know that recovery will take time too. I had no frame of reference around the recovery process and timelines, and everyone is different. I will tell you it took much longer than I could have imagined, and got too many "you are done with that now" comments along the way from people. You just have to be patient and keep moving forward, one step at a time.
Hoping you have a nice day with your friends.
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good day ladies I must say I also kept it private. I did not even have this site. I was hiding it all from my mom too. She could ask me many times ." Are you sure you are ok" cuz I stopped working and told her I had some time out and anyway I think lots of people deal with it different after my hair came back and all was somewhat normal I reconnected with some dear friends but also lost a few who like jazz says are very insecure and are scare we may give them our sickness .
The reason I kept contact with my ex is die to him no changing . He was the same jerk all the way ha ha ha I did like that I did not want his pity and he told me he knew I am strong and I can beat anything. He often texted just to tell me how his project were doing and it seamed as of I was normal and nothing was happening to me .
He wols ask how is treatment going ? I could just say oh its ok same crap different day. Then he could keep on talking about his stuff .
At least he was out there as a friend .
I truly hope he meet a good person and have a decent life with her.
Bb hope your mom is getting better
I had some news from France .
Spoke to my french love s mom and she told me she will have 3 weeks of rad and no chemo this is a great news
I hate what chemo do to us.
Anyway great weekend ladies I am making some food and I ll organize my papers to study born boring
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jazz the alergy test was good cuz I feel much confident I has no alergy Aparently but the question remains as what got me sick that day?
It was a huge plater with sea food I never had . Not just shrimps but wierd looking fish and others kind I never had them before and I ll never try this again . From now on I ll try shrimps and Samon like simplicity lol
I also can't say much cuz my niece told me that most was fry and maybe due to me no eating fry food for so long maybe that too had a part on the vomiting
I don't know
I did the blood test but I think it ll be negative too. Or I hope since I don't want to be worry about alergy too.I ll ask my niece if she knows the name of the food which was on the pate .lol
Some where red and wierd looking and me I am like oh I must try it lol always been that way
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bb lol I missed your post ha ha ha yes f that.
I am too old now for that stupid one side relationship.
Oh bb I am so happy for you even though the training was all a waist of time it's good to have it under your belt mention it on your resume or cover letter . That way hiring Comanors ll see you have been active and looking to improve your skills even if you feel it's garbage it's good to have.
I am trying hard to get in the mood to pick up my books lol
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E- that is good news about your friend with cancer in France. I just had lumpectomy and rads and compared to what many others here go through, not that bad. But also not much fun either. I hope she comes through this just fine, and remains free of any evidence of disease.
I had people talk about themselves during every hard thing I have gone through in life. I had several people talk to me too like nothing was going on when I got my dx and was going through treatment. It was their own denial issues at the best, or their intense self absorption at the worst. I stopped talking to some of them short term and just let some others go with time. There are few people I am not even sending Xmas cards to this year and feel glad to be free of some one way situations.
BB- I like what you are sharing here about your priority to get a job to take care of yourself. This is a good time of the year to find something and into the new year too (new positions and budgets in many places!) Fingers crossed you can find something to get going soon.
I will also shared I am not a fan of the end of the year holidays which are upon us. I love when the new year comes around. I tolerate the end of the year activities.
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jazz I totally get you I stop liking xtmas earlier in life since I was away from my so called real home. So this year I am planning on tolerating it but I won't participate in any Xmas bs celebration lol
Bb I am sorry about the rent. Is there any way to get in the building where ur mom lives ? U mentioned before there could be a chance perhaps ? Jazz is right there maybe sone jobs opening due to the holiday season hope you find one at least so you can move
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BB- could you just live with your mom temporarily until you have built up a bit more? When I moved out here, I had to share a place with a friend of some friends as I was getting started with my contract work. For the same reasons you mentioned, I needed to move somewhere where checking income was not an option. It was not an ideal situation, but I did it until I got more grounded here, and had better income.Then I got my own apt. I know you probably don't want to do this, but it could be short term and could be of benefit to you both. You need a place to live, your mom can probably use some help.
E- I tend to go off the radar this time of the year because I am not into all the celebrations, although I like part of the holidays. For example, I make my own turkey for Thanksgiving whether I am doing anything with people or not. I also like doing Xmas gifts and go to this wonderful yoga winter solstice event and vegetarian potluck.
I used to have a group of friends where we spent every Thanksgiving together and did a potluck thing off and on from around 2003-2010. One year, one of the women offered to host it at her very small home (smaller than mine) and also invited a few of her friends. Well those friends invited some of THEIR friends last minute and the next thing you know, she had 20 people coming to dinner! There were people sitting on couches, on the floor eating, etc. I felt really badly for her, and said I would stay and help with clean up. And that was my favorite part to observe, all those people who brought the extra people ate and then left to go do other things. We were in the kitchen working on dishes for hours. You want to eat and leave, you should go to a restaurant, yes?
Ha, then they asked me if I would host it the following year? I said I was not sure what my plans would be, and if I would be in town. In fact, that was when my mother became very ill, and I ended up going out to CA for Thanksgiving and it was the last holiday we spent together. I remember they all surfaced asking me if I would host and said my mother was ill and I was going out of town. Our mom passed the following March. That whole friend Thanksgiving thing ended with that last gathering in 2010 and some moved away and none of us even keep in touch now. I do sometimes get invited to others family gatherings, but sometimes those are not much fun either. Ever notice how families fight during the holidays?
For Xmas, I either see my sister or go to Ojo Caliente E. This year it is my sisters.
Most people don't like the holidays. Only people with little kids, and I get that too. Everyone else can do without the parties, over eating, spending money no one has anymore, etc.
Bring on January I say!
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Ha ha ha yes please January come fast I will start my new course in January looking forward to that one.
Bb I wish I had conections where you live to get you a job
hope some miracle comes our way I ll check our lottery tickets tmw since today I don't feel like going out of my place at all I had a shower and did my flash n go lol I forgot when I did it last . Due to hormone changes I have some wierd hair coming back. No sure if I told you I hate hair under my arms or on my xxxxx xxxxx lol so that manual flash and go have been wonderful .Just thinking of my boring salad which ll be my late lunch/dinner
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I am in cooking mood, which I will admit is far more fun than cleaning mode! Here is my roast pork dish I made today, before it went in the oven (better photo than when cooked). Wish you were all hear so I could serve you up a plate.
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bb start thinking of anyone you know that may be able to provide shelter for the dog till you get a place . My heart breaks specialy cuz I still wonder if my bird lucky is really dead or still alive. Also why did he die ? This ll hunt me for ever.
I can't imagine the stress this will be causing bb. Sending u hugs
Oh jazz now my boring salade looks so bad after imagining eating your food lol
Hummmm
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BB- I would hate to see you give up your dog. Sometimes people own a home and would like a boarder to help cover expenses. I had several single girlfriends here who bought homes, but did not make enough to do it alone so they had roommates. They were older, you just have to find the right person. It will be trickier to share with pets, but not impossible.
That is sad about the fellow with PTSD. I hate war and think it is good for no one. I don't think our vets are given good care at all. I have a nephew (only one) who is in the ARMY and worry he will get deployed as things escalate in the middle east again. We need to stop sending our young people into no win situations.
My cooking is definitely a mood thing. I rarely cook, but enjoy doing it more so as the weather cools down. Just too hot here in the summer to cook too much, makes the house too hot! I picked up some good food this week so I was prepared in advance. It will help to have healthier meals, even via leftovers, as I go back to work.
I eat a lot of salads myself!
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The holidays are a real question this year for me, too. It seems like more and more family is out of town every year (either moved away or visiting other people) and I've been doing the cooking the last few years. I'm putting my foot down this year, I am not doing the cooking. I don't care how the rest of the family sorts it out or what they decide to make (or not make). I am not making that turkey! I get the impression that everyone would really rather do their own thing anyway. Holidays just don't seem to be as much fun as when I was a kid, and it's kind of funny to think that maybe even back then, the adults didn't want to be there anyway.
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bb I learned a new dressing in Marseille.
So take white balsamic vinager , add half of a tea spoon of dijon mustard . Some olive oil and mix lol soon good it's the only thing making me have salads these days oh and I add small pieces of pine apple to my salad and dry cramberry lol
Just add a little mustard to your dressing and wow what a difference
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well I was looking at pictures and found some from my last trip to cancun
sad sad I wonder when ll I go there again.Now is getting dark here at 4pm I hate winter sorry to use the word hate but it's true I have no interest of wearing heavy shoes or cloths and dealing with the salt in the roads no mention I must go take my winter tires and get them on
Hoping my car does ok this winter he is getting to the point of asking for money again
I must turn my life around this coming year for real. Enough is enough 😡
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Cubbie- I think as we get older, family get togethers change. I am with you that holidays were more fun growing up because we were all together. My parents siblings lived outside the area (except for one family), so we never had the huge group holiday things many families have now. Because of usual bad weather back east, no one traveled around for Thanksgiving or Xmas. So it was just us, or my grandfather when he was alive sharing a holiday meal together.
Thanksgiving is a ton of work. I made dinner for my sister and crew last year when they visited, and it was exhausting. Given all you have gone through, I think you should say "not this year" and then decide in the future what you want to do.
The other option is to go out. A couple years ago, I was working on a hellish project and had no bandwidth to do anything. A work friend invited me to go to a local resort for a buffet meal. Only thing that was a negative was the cost. Price per person was $50 and with tip, etc. it was well over $60. Then we went again for Easter and the price was up to $55 for brunch. The food was good but not that good. I don't go there anymore.
BB- I usually just put balsamic vinegar on my salads. But E's dressing sounds good. Now where to find white balsamic?
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