Single life after a mastectomy
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thanks Jazz. I'm trying. Glad you got a lot done! That always feels good!
Some friends came by yesterday and cleaned my house for me
Kids helped and so did hers. Looks and smells so nice in here! Athens if you figure out what works please let the rest of us know. Were still trying to figure that out. It's rough. Sorry he backed out. I think when some people are asking or saying yes it's because they already have some and they're hoping you 'want kids' or welcome theirs.
Haven't heard from SP
I'm sad about that. But I have a habit of reaching for someone more than they are me and I just can't do that anymore. We apologized to each other (sorry if I already said this), but he is evidently a dweller. I like to apologize and move forward. Enough negativity ahead. I don't need to hang onto any. We both said hurtful things. We both escalated it way further than it should have been. Ok. Were human. Let's proceed haha O well. He's got a lot on his plate. Maybe he just needs space.0 -
Athens- I have not been in this situation because I was in my 50s at dx, You should ask a man early on during dating if he wants children, most women your age looking for a relationship with or without the cancer dx would want to know that? Sorry the man you liked said yes, then no, but you heard the no before he committed to you. Nothing worse than a man who says yes to a family that does not really want one.
Have you looked for any threads here regarding having children after treatment?
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Simplicity- sorry you have not heard from your friend. Perhaps having some space for now will be less stressful for you, although I know you miss hearing from him.
This was the bone fire up at the hot springs. I thought of you while we were hanging out there a couple times
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Yea I do but I don't need mind games either. Pouting is something I have never liked. And after apologies are said, no sense staying there. Move along. O I love a good fire! I'll have to put pics of our firepit up one of these nights. We just usually go down to the neighbors.
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Athens76 welcome . Hummm here is my history hope you understand you are not alone.
I was just 2 weeks from my 38 birthday when I was told I had bc august 27 2012. I was told I needed to start chemo right away .I was asked if I was married? I said no. If I was in a steady relationship com- law? I said no .if I wanted children I said I am not sure cuz I never was told I can't and then I was given all books and materials regarding the process to freeze my eggs and or partner sperm. Anyway I was given all the books on a Friday and my first chemo to start the following Thursday so 6 days to make up my mind.
I had recently broke up with my ex and I was so lost thinking what the hell had just happened. I never told any one here but I did reach out to my ex and asked him if he could go through that process with me. Just in case I wanted kids one day ? How crazy was that? I basically asked him to be my Donner sperms that is. Off course he refused he told me there was no need . There are many women whom can still get pregnant after chemo bla bla bla I then knew he was just trying to nicely tell me no. I then got so sad and I didn't even freeze my eggs I agree to Chemo right away and all went to hell.
That been said I want to tell you how wonderful it is that you did freeze your eggs do not be so hard on yourself if the right man is out there for you . Then your eggs ll be waiting. Don't think about it so hard. There is a tread here hummm can't remember but I think it's babies after bc . There are lots of ladies whom you can relate too.
You go girl.
Now jazz bb simplicity and life. I am thinking this maybe one of those things I am not able to forgive my ex for. I haven't thought about it till now that I read our new lady s post.
Yes there are scars deep in my heart. Now he keeps insisting he wants me back. And at his sister s house he was all loving and caring with his two nieces and his mom comenting how good he ll be when he get his own. 😧😦😥😤😣😅
I guess men just don't even think of how much they can hurt us and then they think they can just erase and start fresh .
I ll never be a mom and I am OK with it now but at 38 I was still wondering if I could be one .
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oh wait forgot to tell you all I got to see my Dr. On lunch she prescribed a different drug and a massage. I got the massage $56 +$20 for her prescription. Hopefully my insurance ll give back 80% back. Anyway the massage was soo good wow painful but good . It still Hurst but I see it did improve. She also told me to take a hot bath with salt but the truth is that I do not own a bath tub lol yeah I have a shower. There is a hot tub in my building but I can't be bother .
Just took the pills and hoping ll sleep better tonight.
G night all
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Aw E
Hugs! Glad you're feeling a bit better. Hope sleep comes easily for you! I am glad you have such clarity with your ex. Not that he's a bad guy, I don't know him, but some men are simply attracted to taking care of someone that isn't well. That 'gotta try to fix everything' mentality? Not that were broke. Little do they know. Were stronger because of all the fighting than we ever were.My DD doesn't want kids. I can respect anyone's choice not to have kids. They're horrid!! Jk lol Mine are driving me a bit nuts lately.
Weird day. One of those where you learn a lot, hear a lot, and feel a lot. I need some sleep.
Hope all sleep well!
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Lol simplicity I am OK now ha ha ha at the end I saw that I am better off without kids girl I can even afford me alone lol nahhh I am happy I miss my pets but I rather be alone at least till the first 5 years marks goes away and I am clean still lol
Jazz I wanted to ask you.
Where is Cammy
I never see her post in insomnia tread anymore and I just didn't want to ask in case something happened and I missed it?
Anyway hope she is ok I miss her back and forth with Chevy
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Anyone hear from BB? Hoping she is ok
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E- wow about that conversation with your ex. I can see why it would only add to your desire not to be with him. Do you think he sincerely wants to be with you or is just looking to pick up with you now that you are down the road from everything? I try not to do the what ifs, but do question if people cannot be with us during the hard times, where will they be when times get hard again? Your heart is guarded and I get that.
About Cami, I asked someone about that too and understand she left Insomniacs. She is out on other threads so I hear, but not on any of mine. I was thinking about her too recently, I think I need to PM her. She is such a riot.
BB- that is good news your mom is home. I am sure you are exhausted. We are here if you want to talk.......
Simplicity- I have always been one to do too much work in keeping my relationships going. I have for sure allowed too many one sided situations in my life in the past too. I will say I am not doing that anymore though. It really changed for me with everything I went through. I think one of the lessons of this crap is to teach you time is precious and wasting it pursuing people is not worth it. Not everyone can be there when we need them, life brings others their problems too. I have let go of some things that I am now find down the road. and now realize they were far more exhausting than enjoyable experiences.
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Enevra, I'm glad you saw the doctor about your pain. I was a bit worried.
Jazzy, sounds like a cool car. I had my midlife crisis a bit early, apparently, in my twenties. Sort of on topic, I actually thought the convertible would attract guys, but it seemed to mostly attract guys who wanted to talk about cars and date other girls. They are gone, the car is still here, and it is far more reliable and fun than they were.
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So, I see there's some good news here... Jazzy has a new project. E had a great massage. (I hope the pain goes away completely for good soon.) Sorry, I missed a lot of what was happening here - I hope BB's mother is doing well now.
Welcome, Athens 76. It seems that you and Enerva were diagnosed at the same age.
I had three children by the time I was diagnosed on my 46th birthday. But, I happen to know several women who had children in their mid-forties, so, Athens76, if that's what you'd like, I do think you have time. However, I believe there are many ways to be a mother. Enerva - I remember your talking about taking in a nephew and raising him (?). Am I remembering correctly?
Has anyone heard from June? What about Milky? I hope they're doing well.
Goodnight.
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good morning.
Just getting ready to go get the train
Life yes I did I had my nephew from 11 till 16 lol 5 years and he is a great kid lol still call him kid
Last thing I did for him last year I paid for a security course he wanted cuz he said there where lots of jobs for security guards hahhahahah well he did well and now he is a manager of the security team at a condominium downtown Toronto
he is a good kid.Here is a picture I took in downtown as I headed to the train
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Morning Ladies!
BB-So glad your mother is home! That has to be quite a bit off your mind and shoulders! Thanks for letting us know you're here. (((hugs)))
I have seen Cami on the drinking thread.I want to say she's having a bit of a hard time but my brain could be wrong. Lord knows that's happening a lot lately!
Jazz, yea a friend told me something last night that really provided some clarity about myself. I can't deal with pouting or the silent treatment, withholding your love or friendship cause you are hurt. I was hurt too. But I'd much rather move forward. No sense dwelling.
Morning Cubbie!
Love the city pic E. I never go into the city. Large crowds are not my thing.
No boobs today. My upper ribs, under boob area is becoming increasingly sore. Frustrating is no one, not the Surgeon, Onc, RO, PT know why it is increasingly sore there. PT lady thinks it may be a combo of cording, and rad's tightening up the skin, muscles, scar tissue in that area. But it's been sore since after surgery, just getting more painful. Even my camousil (sp) hurts to lay across the area
Hope all have a good day!
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Simplicity- after spending time with one of my BFFs from the east coast this past week, what I tell myself is that a good friend will help you stay accountable to yourself. Those that don't have our best interests in mind will come across as judgmental, but a good friend will just observe and share what they see.
I am glad you got a moment of clarity. I love when those come but then so often say to myself "wow, I cannot believe I was allowing that type of behavior in my life!" I have also learned to trust how I feel around people more. If I always come away feeling badly from my interactions with some folks, then I do realize something needs to change.
I hope your soreness abates and you can move through without the prosthetics. Comfort first during all this. I know chemo was a beoch and hoped rads would be better for you, but it all sucks in the end (hugs sister).
I will have to look up Cami's last post and find out what is going on with her. She is one of our Stage IV sisters.
Cubbie- I get lots of male attention with this car! However, I won't say all the men that pay attention are available, age appropriate, or anything else! It is fun to ride with the top down! Enjoy your convertible!
Life- I was going to do a cool project for someone else based on a partnering relationship I created this year, and we worked on that to be ready. My healthcare client contacted me in Sept. and wanted to get together when I got back from a wedding trip to NY early last month and after I got home from the trip, I made a plan with her and also checked in on the other thing I was hoping to do first. But the funding was still not approved and I waited long enough and decided to move on. My healthcare client offered me some interesting work that will take me through next Sept. So once the contract is signed (in progress), I will be starting PT (20 hours a week) and then be working FT on this Jan through Sept of next year. They pay me the best. I won't say they are easy to work for though (who is?) I am grateful for a new gig that also allows me to plan for a few more things in 2016.
I hope you can find some good holiday work soon!
June has been gone from the thread for a few months. I checked on line and her last post was here in early Sept. I know she was busy with work deadlines. Perhaps she will pop in again. We heard from Milky not to too long ago too. We have some new folks here too!
E- I forgot to say I was sorry to hear about your neck/back problems and glad you are getting some help with that. I am hoping you are sleeping better and able to get through work okay. You mentioned you signed up for some college classes, when do those start?
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More foliage photos of northern NM. The yellow trees are cottonwoods.
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Love the pics Jazz. That road looks oddly inviting to me right now. I am one to take a lot of road trips and haven't been able to do so for quite some time. Missing them.
This, this is classic; Jazzygirl- "what I tell myself is that a good friend will help you stay accountable to yourself. Those that don't have our best interests in mind will come across as judgmental, but a good friend will just observe and share what they see."
Very true and I am trying to differentiate that from everything else. I don't mind being called out, never have, and I have definitely leaned on SP more in the past month once I reflected. Maybe with all going on it was just too much for him. But again, I have to be careful with myself too as I see some patterns about myself, as far as relationships go, that I need to over come, and unfortunately, no one but me can help with that
Hey BB! So glad you dropped in and glad to hear your mom is home! A good thing about your son. Thanks for the thoughts, I'm learning as I go lol I hope your friend gives you the communication you need. Nice to have a laid back type attitude but there are appropriate times for seriousness too. I think if my SP could connect the dots between his brain and his heart, he'd be doing a lot better for himself. Lots of issues there that aren't mine to mention. Oddly, we must have summoned him because he just text lol First communication in 4 days.
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BB- I am glad that your mom is home and hope she has some in home care for her recovery. I was also glad to read here you are in some retraining program now too, and that you are fast tracked due to having a college degree. Hoping they may have some decent placement services too.
I too would like to retire, but not an option this way either. Where is that winning lottery ticket anyways? Oh right, I would have to buy one.
Simplicity- that little gem I shared was a point of clarity I got this weekend as my friend and I talked back and forth. She has a very hard time slowing down (more Type A than I am even....) and part of the reason I invited her out is that she has not been taking vacation time like she needs to be. I do understand in corp America, they like you wired 24 by 7 and never taking time off. That was my experience too when I worked for corporations.
She kept saying she had to check e-mail while we were away and then was getting really upset people were expecting her to respond or be on calls. One morning we were getting ready to go soak and she was getting so upset, she said she could feel her blood pressure was up. So I told her "you need to slow down, breathe, and tell folks you were just checking in for anything you needed to be aware of when you return from your vacation. Tell them you are on VACATION!" She said her boss was supporting her with taking some much needed time off, so there was not pressure there. I was tryng to help her be accountable to her vacation commitments, and when she did that, things got better and we went on to a wonderful day! I recommended she do another treatment and one I knew would be awesome for her and it was just the ticket! She left the time here much better than when she arrived. I was trying to keep my friend accountable to taking care of herself too!
She made me accountable around a few things too! I tend to chew on my hurts too much when people are not there for me when I think they should be. Like you, I tell myself "move on" but that being said, I find there is a process to letting go. Feeling hurt is part of it, anger is part of it, then one day it is like whew, that is over!
And BB is right, people don't stick around when the cancer dx comes. I was surprised by a few that were not nicer. I got tired of them making me feel worse than what I was already dealing with. On tried to pick up when I was "done with everything", another still tiptoes around me like I am radioactive or she might catch it from me. No more contact now and don't miss them. I have some great friends who were there for me and still are. Being with the steadfast friend this weekend reminded me what is like to know what it feels like when people care. They don't have to understand everything, they just need to be present and not make your cancer about them.
Clarity, clarity, and more clarity please!
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On being enough, just as you are.....
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Im sorry BB
I meant nothing mean. Didn't mean to bring up bad memories. 0 -
hi ladies. Back on the horse oh I mean train lol
OK so yes yes I agree with you all. It's not easy to let go of the pain sometimes I think that is what is happening to me. Another thing is that I fear it is a matter of time my ex meet someone who can give him what he needs and I will be dump lol
I am not good at been a pushing bug and this guy just wants me now but never he has included me in his future's goals .
Or at least he never mentioned anything like hummm maybe we can take a trip together and enjoy a week vacation.
I guess what I am saying is that I have a 6 sense which I must follow even though I do want to live the now and not think of the tomorrow
Bb glad your mom is home and hope your new love will be a great match
Simplicity I think what maybe affecting you also is clothing careful. I didn't work so as soon as I got home from rad I put a lot of a lovera and creams and stay mostly naked hahhahahah
My bed room was my house for 6 weeks lol
So try to wear very lose clothing and lots of moisturizer creams
😕
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oh so I finally slept bb you are right the massage did the trick but I must say if my insurance covers the 80% then I may get one more ne t month if not then I can't lol its too much
But still in pain but improving so I know it's just muscle problem and not my spin I was scared cuz even the weigh of my own head was giving me pain.
Glad it is wed tmw
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E- I don't think you ex will find anybody with expecting women to be at his beck and call and not wanting to create a future together. He sounds emotionally unavailable. You should enjoy your life and be with someone who really wants YOU and is not looking to fill a void du jour. I have dated so many men like that. Good riddance!
BB- sounds like the man in your life may have had a bad experience with the previous marriage. Maybe he is not comfortable enough yet to reveal more of himself. I hope you can still get out and enjoy his company? Maybe you can bring up a deeper topic and see how he reacts? Maybe something current like climate change, gun control, Syrian crisis, etc Might tell you more about who he is?
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bb good luck you ll do just fine . I like going to school with younger people lol they are fun . The course I took at a college here ll start in Jan every Saturday I hope I ll be fun lol
Well I am at the station waiting for the train.
Oh bb my ex lol he never even bought me a xtmas gift or even a card ha ha ha he Is totally self centered I never expected anything but after a wile I thought .wow never a detail not even a card from the dollar store. Yet he is all about buying parts for his inventions . Oh well some people are that way. I have always been a gift giver in make me happy to make happy others even for a few seconds.
Due to debts I am not a big gifter now lol
But I look back and I have given so much to many including him . I don't regret it it's just me I have always been that way.
Sometimes even a carda de by your seat has more meaning than a huge gift. He is a true north Canadian I guess.
Enough about him lol
I am trying not to think of him in a negative way. I must let it be and keep moving forward
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hey so another good night sleep and neck is getting better every day I can see why we can become adicted to those massages .it helped me so much.
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Good morning ladies-
BB- I give you A LOT of credit for putting yourself into that job retraining program. You are a smart woman, went to college, and just put the work thing on hold when you were raising your family. I hope something comes of this for you too. One thing I like about this programs is that they have the connections into the employers to help with placement. Proud of you girlfriend.
Those young folks will teach you tips and tricks about technology, talk to them! They are wizards with cell phone and everything else too!
E- I love getting massages! I have been going to one regularly for six years now, but may have told you all she closed her business as she decided to go back to school for an accounting degree. I am now on the hunt for a good reflexology person in town as what I need most these days is work on my feet. The AIs make my feet so stiff, and there is an incredible woman at the hot springs who did a wonderful foot reflexology treatment on my feet this weekend. I had her do this last Xmas when I was up there last and my feet STILL feel good almost a week later. Massages are great for stress management too! We all have lots of that, right?
No gifts from a boyfriend? I can see someone you are dating casually, but really E? That guy needs to go learn how to give as well as to take. Let some other woman have him. Yeesh. He might be one of those "thrill of the chase" guys vs. anything else?
Got lots to do today. We have some rain in the area this morning. So much for pruning the rosemary bush today. But here was the pretty sunrise!
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E and Jazzy - Thanks for posting your beautiful photos.
E -- Great to hear that your nephew is still in touch and that he's doing well! :-)
Jazzy -- It sounds as if you're set right now with a nice work project and good pay. Congrats!
BB -- I hope your mom continues to do well from now on. I've looked into some of the free training programs for unemployed around here, and I pretty much figured that, if I took the training, I might be the oldest person in the class myself. lol But, we gotta do what we gotta do.
I was never a fan of autumn, but this year the season has been very colorful with some beautiful scenery around here, just as BB was saying.
I hope things work out for the rest of you in the dating world. I've been avoiding the dating scene, mostly because I don't trust anyone, and I don't have time to date, anyway. But dating is a tough business. E - you deserve a man who will give you gifts and take you on trips. If only we all could meet men like that. Where are those types of men? Do they exist? lol
You've all been talking about cars. I never had a convertible, but I did own what we called "hot rods" (lol) in the old days. I won't post the make/model/year of each car because that info might reveal who I am, but they were so much fun to drive. When I was young, there was just something I liked about a man with his head under the hood of a car... lol. Eventually, though, I realized I liked the cars more than the men driving them, and I bought my own. Just reminiscing. :-) I wish I had a fun car to drive now.
Goodnight! Have a wonderful day tomorrow, everyone.
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Good morning ladies- the weather is changing around here, we had a cool blustery day yesterday with wind, rain, t-storms, hail, and even snow up in the mountains here. Now we have freeze warning. Late fall is here and winter is slowly finding it's way in.
Life- I hope you can find a good jobs retraining program like BB has. I belong to a tech council here in town and am often one of the oldest people in the room in their events. Many of the consultants that work on my programs are often younger than me. I learn much from them, but also crack up when they like to give me advice about how to live my life (and they do). Sometimes I just chuckle internally, other times I just say "been there, done that!" The millennials are on the move and taking over in a lot of ways.
My whole family was into cars, which is why I have always been into them. I also dated a guy in my youth who was really into very expensive cars, and learned about all the cool kinds of sports cars from him. He always was in a lot of debt around his vehicles though, we did not last.
I heard from my client yesterday and still waiting on the contract from their legal dept, but we are getting a few other things done on the accounting front to be ready for invoice submission. In the meantime, I am getting the last of my winterizing activities done around home.
Simplicity- I hope you are getting through rads okay this week.
Wishing you all a good day.
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Morning ladies.
Yea, I'm making it.
Enjoy the day everyone!
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