Single life after a mastectomy
Comments
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E- I am glad you got to spend time with your nephew. Despite the wife keeping you out of their lives, I think your nephew wants your love and support as most nephews do! I like that you asked him for a lottery ticket for Xmas (and lets hope it is a winning one). I wish him luck on his driving test.
Life- it is dry here, but the part of NM I live in is called the "high desert" which means we get seasons, including winter. Tonight it is in the mid 20s, highs lately have been anywhere from the 30s to 50s. So we do get a winter here. Low desert like southern NM, Phoenix, Palm Springs are all places that are mild in the winter. However, they all go way up into the 100's in the summer. We sometimes get a few days that hit 100 but it does not last long. Nineties are common here in the summer.
I found a job with one of the national labs here I am going to apply for that seems like it is almost written for me! I have had a lot of varied experience through the years, and this job is back in the career I started in but requires all the other skills and experience I have acquired along the way. It is like reading a job description of my resume. I decided I am going to go for it, and even if I do the other contract work I said yes to (contract still pending), it can take a while to get something like this to come together and also get the required security clearance. So I am going to do the other work for the short term and then pursue this too for after I am done with the gig that will be starting soon. I would love to get an interview just to explore the possibility. Tailoring my resume tonight and plan to apply this week with a nice cover letter to go with it.
My BFF told me I should opt out of the Xmas trip to my sisters. She knows our family well and reminded me what happens when I go into these situations knowing my sister is already stressed out. There is something they need to deal with in December that may result in them having to change some of their own plans anyways so this may work itself out for me to not go. I gave myself permission today to not do this if it does not feel right.
BB- I know things are tough for you. Sending you hugs.
Simplicity- I know you are recovering from rads and all rest. Hugs too
27Heart- I hope you are getting through this last round of chemo.
Lilly- I hope you are doing okay too over across the pond.
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Jazzy, she asked you to buy your own gifts? I could see someone suggesting no gift exchange, but telling someone to buy their own gifts seems odd. It doesn't sound like the start of a good time. Maybe visiting them at a different time of the year, when there are fewer expectations, would be better. The job at the national lab sounds like it's too good to not at least send in a resume. It's always nice to look for a job when you don't really have to, just happen to see something you'd like.
Life, I've been leaning more toward consumable gifts because we all have so much stuff already. I've been tempted to suggest no more gift exchanges, but my niece really loves Christmas, even though she is grown up.
BB, the other trick to shopping all year around for Christmas is remember where you put the gifts. Nothing like looking through closets and drawers, knowing you bought a present for someone six months ago, but you can't find it now!
Enerva, I made Christmas presents for several people one year when I was short on cash. I knitted a scarf, and made a padded cloth trivet out of some pretty calico filled with rice. It was like this one:
http://sugarlane-designs.com/2012/01/heat-bagspice-trivet-tutoria.html
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Morning ladies.
Sorry I have been so absent. Been in a funk and can't seem to crawl out.
27, what a beautiful young lady you are and much luck for your last chemo!!
E, Love the crafts! I am not very talented in that regard. My grandmother tried to teach me as a kid. Glad you got to spend time with the nephew.
Thanks BB. I am trying. He has my side of the families temper. All over him cleaning his nasty room
I worked realllly hard to get my first home, and it was more for them then it was for me. I feel he should show me and my home more respect at 21. I hope you are feeling well these days. This time of year is rough for so many for so many reasons. Wish I could give you a hug.Jazz, wow. I am so sorry that your sister has become...like that. My mother is a problem child during the holidays too. Always upset (more so than I) when its the kids dad's holiday. And this Thanksgiving, I could have gotten out of cooking as my second family invited us there. But my mom has only met my bff's mom once in 25yrs, so she didn't feel comfortable going there. She said I could go, and they'd find something to eat. But I know her, and I would have never lived that down. So, I cooked. Hope the job pans out for you!
Cubbie, haha. I have found gifts I hid years later. Whooops.
Lily, how are you?
Life, my body is in such flex. I will be so cold, then all of a sudden hot as hell, sweating at times. They did the blood work and I am post menopausal. Dr told me years ago I was starting. Everyone was telling me I was way too young. Ha.
Rads have been done since the 25th. Healing in that area after bmx and rads is a nasty nasty thing. May be part of why I am so bummed. SO many changes this year, and so many more to come as I need to make some personal changes in my life to help with my strength, energy, and just to feel freakin better! I cannot believe how much strength I have lost in my arms and hands.
Hope all have a great day! Gotta go take care of a call
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Cubbie- i am having a hard time getting that link to work but will try again later. You and E are very creative types with your crafts! I think home made gifts are very special. My mother was incredible with crafts, she would make Xmas ornaments, wreaths, etc. Give her a glue gun and she was off!
Also, I have what I call the "loot bag" where anything I pick up for gifts goes in it so I always know where things are. I am only going to do that for a few people going forward because it just works better with some to do gift cards and consumables. I have the most fun doing gifts with a couple of my closest friends who enjoy finding fun things. None of our gifts are ever large, but are thoughtful. One of my close friends from grad school days got her gift sent early and like a little kid, she said "umm, can I open it now?" I told her once things are in her hot little hands, she is free to do what she would like. Next thing you know, I got a thank you note! Some people are just fun to buy for.
Going forward, I am going to just do consumables with my sister and her partner. This is not the first time I have had issues around the whole concept of gift exchange. Usually there is just a lack of appreciation for anything I do give them. And no, I won't buy my own gifts, if they choose not to do anything for me, that is fine too. The whole gift giving thing has always been a problem in my family. There are reasons I live far away and don't visit that often.
I think the holidays can really bring out the worst in people.
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good morning. I miss a few post I think
Just want to wish you all a great Tuesday .
Jazz I wish you a piecefull holiday with no drama we all have deal with so much that there is no room for drama. I have the first week of Jan off I am pushing for the month to be over
I wish I could cash that lotery ticket soon ha ha ha
Love u all
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E- wishing you a good day too. Another week off to look forward to in a month!
I agree with you about drama and holidays. I avoid drama at all costs these days, and not just during the holidays. It is one of the lessons I took from going through cancer. The other one is to not waste time with people who don't care about me/no more chasing of people for connection. I have a whole lot more peace in my life as a result.
My sister and I went through bc treatment at the same time. As we go through recovery and move forward, I work to have more balance in my life and she is more frantic filling up her life with too many demands. I told myself a year ago when this became really clear to me what she was doing, that I needed to have much stricter boundaries around things. This whole "buy your own gift" thing is a symptom of a much bigger issue- of over extension which will not lead anywhere good. I have seen this movie before. I know I will end up being put to work/be made useful in some way if I go. I am not really looking for that experience this holiday season. So slowly we step back now, step by step.
Happy December everyone. May you all have something wonderful happen this month!
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BB- the contract just came in! Finding work is not easy in this world, but I like self employment for the most part.
It is nice your friend found a woman who also had bc and that he is not afraid of. It speaks well of him to be there for others. I know there are men like that. I just not have met any in a long time!
Husband snooping is no good. I know Life is careful here what she shares. We live in a creepy world sometimes.
I may be gone for a bit as I work to get this document turned around and all that goes with it. Later for now!
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well I tell you my entire family is having a hard time with this holiday no having my sister my brother and mom. We all feel as if xtmas is just another shity month.
I was thinking about January trying to imagine what this new year ll bring ? I really hope we all get a break next year . Wishing for happiness as stability for all of us .I am very glad we have this site where we can vent or share happy histories. I was remembering the trip game we started a few years back or a year ago. We're we were dreaming of where to go next ha ha ha
I ll try the impossible to go somewhere next fall
Or maybe in august again.
Lottery ticket we are here waiting to win lol
I see places on pinterest which are just breath taking
I wish you all good night
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E- hugs to you and your family this month. Families missing many people just can't wait to get through the holidays. i am one of those people. I have a prof org event tomorrow night, a "winter social" and like these people, but nonetheless, am going to have to force myself to go.
There is so many beautiful places to visit in the world. I have a hard time wanting to travel internationally anymore. I just don't want to be out of the country and have a health problem. I guess I must be getting old. I don't have any big travel plans for next year.
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Hugs to you both, Jazzy and Enerva. We aren't missing too many people in my family, although I miss my Dad at the holidays, of course. Our problem has become more that everyone is scattered all over the country, and people have commitments to their spouse's family or work obligations that prevent them from traveling at Christmas. We can't seem to get enough people together for it to be much fun. At least Christmas reminds me of happier times, even if we don't have those kind of holidays anymore.
I was just planning to do some traveling when all this happened, and now it's out of the question financially (the doctors got all my money). I think there is so much to see just in the US and Canada, it could keep you filled with travel destinations forever. I don't think I would ever go anywhere international due to cost and the hassle of long flights. I think if I was going to go somewhere internationally it would be Australia or New Zealand. One of my co-workers went to Rome a few years ago, and I think that would also be fascinating. (Plus Italian food!) It would be fantastic to visit the British Museum in London as well.
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Simplicity -- My hot flashes were brutal at the beginning. Now I don't know - maybe I've grown used to them - but they don't bother me so much anymore. I hear ya' about the radiation; it causes so many problems. In some ways, the radiation seems worse than the chemo. :-( Things do get better, though!
Cubbie and Jazzy -- My mother has always been talented in making crafts, sewing, etc., too, just like Cubbie and E. But I didn't seem to inherit those talents. LOL.
BB -- Thanks for sharing that there are some good guys out there. I'm sure I'll never meet one - lol - but it's still good to know they exist. Like you, I wonder whether I'm being spied on here. So, being concerned is completely understandable.
Confession time: At the treatment center, I found a few of the men there (who were cancer patients themselves around my age) attractive. Now I've put on some weight. But, back then, I wouldn't have minded dating another cancer patient.
E -- Your family has been through so much. I hope the Christmas season turns out well for your family this year.
I must say, I'm a little bit worried. I've been feeling sick lately, and you all know where our minds go when we're not feeling well... This year has been a rough one. I'm long overdue for a blood test and probably an oncology appointment. And lately - don't be grossed out - but I've been having a metallic taste in my mouth (blood?). The last time this happened, I was DX with BC. So, I'd better get tested soon to ease my mind.
Are we playing a travel game? That'll ease my mind for tonight. I loved to travel when I was young, and I would've taken my children on fun vacations every year if I had had money (and hadn't been married to a lying cheat who drove us broke). If I could travel internationally, I'd visit Italy (land of my ancestors). If I could choose a domestic destination, well, I don't know, I'd have to think about it - somewhere warm.
Goodnight!
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Morning Ladies
Me too Jazzy. Odd how something so....topsy turvy can bring clarity. Yay! The contract came in!
BB some of my single parent friends had that problem on our support forum. So some of them are very careful too. I am still trying to decide whether or not to get nipples. That'll be a nice asshole filter hahaIt is nice having the rads behind me. Now its just a waiting game for the reconstruction. I see the plastic surgeon on the 16th? So we'll see what he thinks of my skin and my reconstruction options.
E, That's hard to deal with. So sorry. I am trying desperately to get beyond my funk for the holidays. I think I should put up all my fake trees just to piss off my own funk. That'll show me!
Cubbie, O traveling! I miss it! We didn't travel much. Can't afford it. But we'd take spontaneous trips to the beach (4-5 hours from me), and camped a lot. I am planning on making up travel time next summer. Lots of camping with the kids. Its cheap haha I love driving and just getting back to nature when I can. Not sure Id want to go anywhere international. Now if money was not a limitation, that'd be a whole 'nother story.
Life, so sorry you're not feeling well
Hope you get into the Dr soon thou I also know how badly we dont want to go anymore. Thanks! I had them before all this chit, they've just gotten much worse and I hear the anti hormonal will make it even more so?Company coming in from my single parent support forum this weekend
Have never met her but she is a BC survivor and we've talked online for 3 yrs just about. So that'll be nice. A bit nervous naturally haha But everyone else I have met from there it's like we've known each other all our lives.Exhausted. Ive been drinking my smoothies every morning and lots of water, but I just cant get over this exhausted feeling. And this headache I have had for almost 2 weeks now. Coming and going and then pounding, then going. Argh. Stress maybe?
My rad area is healing but right now it is a big scabby mess. Doesnt hurt as I am still numb there. Oddly I got a bit giddy last night when I felt a tinge of pain while cleaning the area.
Hope all have a good day.
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Good morning friends- made a good start on the contract review and about to get back to it again this morning.
Life- I am sorry you are not feeling well. It sounds like a check up might be a good idea, they can run some blood work to make sure nothing going on to single anything of concern. You have had super-stressful year. Keep us posted on this.
Cubbie- I have have traveled all over the country for work and fun, and there are so many great places to go to here in the US. I have also been to Rome, and also been to the British Museum in London too. I am not Catholic, but found the Vatican to be an incredible place. It had a spiritual feeling about it that almost surprised me. London has so many amazing museums and things to see. Those would be two good choices should you ever decide to take a hop over the pond!
Going to Europe from the east coast is so much more do-able than from where I live. I took my first trip to the EU in 1994 from the east coast/NYC. The biggest adjustment was the time change vs. the actual travel time. My last trip to the EU was in 2009 to Tuscany, and I had three flights that were close to 20 hours with all the layovers, etc. Between the travel, many hours of time change, etc. I was trashed after I got back!
If we ever get high speed rail in the US, there are many places in the US I would still like to go. I hate traveling by plane anymore, so much hassle.
Simplicity- so about the fatigue thing, this is something that can take awhile to recover from. The scars will heal, rads areas will recover, etc. but these treatments we get leave us really tired for a long time. This is where not having any other similar experience can leave you wondering "is it normal to feel like this for this long?" I had fatigue for a long time after treatment and did not go through nearly as much as you did. We have the added demands of working, plus you have kids too. It is going to take awhile, so be patient with yourself and just slowly introduce things back into your life as you feel like it. You are still going to need space to rest and heal for awhile yet.
If you do exercise, even walk, then try to do that a bit every day. Even 15 minutes of walking can really help your energy levels. I was not able to exercise for 6 months with both bc and another surgery that all happened at the same time. I went back to the gym a month after rads and was so afraid I might hurt myself. But I took it easy for a long time. Moving your body a bit every day really does help!
And something I was so unprepared for after treatment that many women go through; the expectation from others we will just get back to where we were before very quickly. My favorite observation about going through this and recovery is that people act like you had the flu or something. It is okay to just tell people you went through a lot and will be recovering for awhile. People can take their expectations elsewhere. This is not about them anyways, right?
Wishing you all a good day!
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Yea, I am finding the same thing. Kind of happens the whole trip, imo. 'Well, you look great'. Yea? Can't walk around looking like poo, moaning and groaning.
Thanks for letting me know. It does start to play with your head, wondering if its normal. My eyes have that heavy feeling today. So tired but I have trouble napping. At least I'm sleeping fairly decent at night, with the exception of all the times I wake up
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Simplicity- unfortunately, napping does not seem to help a whole lot. I went back to work PT during rads treatment and would go home to nap in the afternoon, and found it gave me a break from sitting at a desk at the client site but no real relief from the fatigue. Seems to go away with time......
I think people try to be positive and say nice things like "you look good" to try to make you feel okay about all that has changed. I looked like complete crap through everything and know it, but for those who knew, they said they would have never known either. Sometimes I think people were being kind, other times, it felt dismissive what I was going through. Time told me who the later were, because pretty quickly, it went back to being all about them. You may find you have to keep a few people at bay for awhile until you feel better. It is just too much work to keep explaining to others why you still don't feel well.
Wishing you better days sister.
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Well ladies it's Dec 02 and tomw Thursday so that makes me happy cuz the week ll end and so will December in 3 more weeks hahahhaha
I had a long day due to the cooap student been sick and he was the coordinator of the promotions for Dec so I had to do it all again
Sent the email for approvals and took off at 5:12 pm run like crazy to catch the train and made it in I minutes so much running lol I was out of breath by the time I got on it right before the doors close. But today I took a full hour lunch and let me tell you it felt so good. One of the contract guys asked me to have lunch with him he is an older man and very nice to talk to. He was telling me how he is like jazz independent contractor so he does not care much about the drama at his department I did not even know they had any drama hahahhahah we had a great laugh and then went back to chasing bas for results and developers for PRD drafts . I am glad all got done and tmw if the kids is in I won't have to deal with the rest.
I am now here making a coffee I ll shower and put on my pj's then I decided to clean my place I have been in a lazy mood lately and the weekend with the craft event I ended up no cleaning lol
Life is funny you mentioned but I have been feeling wierd laletly too not metal flavor in my mouth but I have been feeling like as if I want to vomite at times like that nausea feeling I haven't had that since chemo. And it makes me feel really bad. Even in the train if I don't get a sit I get as if I can fall to the floor my mouth get watery and I feel like I need to vomite but I don't .not sure what is it. Maybe my food intake I mist admit I am not eating all that well . Anyway I may get a blood test before the year ends
I bet is my iron low again or some level. Hope my liver is ok
Hope you get a blood test soon
Wonder how is June? And Melb hummm
Tessa never came back ither
Anyway Symplicity I am so glad rad is over . I hope your ps is able to give u beautiful results.
By the way I saw on TV on extra I think
A ps taking out huge D implants and replacing them with fat. I really want to win the lotery I want to go to USA and get that if possible .
That could be a dream come through
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E- one of the benefits of contracting is that you get to do the work, and stay out of the drama! No competing for promotions, raises, etc. I love that part of it, never been very good at the politics, sucking up, and co-worker back stabbing stuff. Taking a break at lunch is a good thing. Do more of that!
June has been gone since Sept. I hope she is okay. Melp is on the Australian sisters thread. I need to go check in there and see how she is doing. Lurking.....
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I hope June, Melp, and everyone who has ever posted on this thread are doing well and enjoying their lives fully.
E -- I've been feeling nauseous, too. Maybe we both just have a virus, like some kind of flu.
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I'm still perplexed when people tell me I look great. I'm not sure how they expected me to look. It's funny, because I'm doing much better physically than they expected, but they have a hard time relating to how stressful this is mentally and emotionally. It makes it harder to get support when you people can't relate to what your needs in this situation really are.
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hi all
Sorry I haven't checked in for ages. Recon went well with my expander and implant no major trouble there.
Have had a lot going on. Had a long long hospital stay with lung problems and build up of ascites in my stomach. Found out in early October that I have tumours on both my ovaries and a tumour in my left lung. So I am now stage 4. On femara and zoladex to shut down my ovaries and shrink the tumours.
Am on disability pension so Im not getting hounded to look for work either.
Thanks for the message jazzy! Bb, enerva and everyone else happy early Xmas wishes from Aus!
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Oh, Melp, I'm so sorry that you're dealing with all this. Breast cancer is so sneaky. Thank you for letting us know what's happening. Hugs to you, and happy early Christmas wishes to you, too.
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Morning ladies.
Nausea seems to be a run of the mill lasting SE cause I get it too. And it just hits at no particular time. I still have my anti nausea meds but not many cause I have been taking them when it hits.
You're right Jazzy. It really doesn't. I end up resting basically, trying to sleep lol No New Years resolutions here but I have some changes in mind, just have to make it past these holidays.
E-Hope you get to feeling better. Low iron can really affect you in many ways. I've always had a problem with my iron.
Life, hope you're feeling better today.
Cubbie, yea, and because you got up, got dressed, and went about your day, you must not be sick or you feel well. Some co workers asked me how I was feeling the other day and acted surprised when I told them I felt like chit. "O well, you look good"
Melp, glad to see ya. I think you were in here when I first started. Maybe for a post or too, or I have read your name. Idk. Memory is awful. I am so sorry to hear the news
Been so tired. Almost didnt come in today but I am on call this weekend with company from my other support forum coming into town, and I need all the hours I can accumulate. Being on call isn't much. Just have to answer any calls that come in, check the network, ping all the core switches, and servers, etc etc. It's rare that we get calls on the weekend and if we do, it's typically an easy fix.
Hope all have a great day!
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Melp- thank you for checking in here to say hi. I am very sorry to hear about all you have been going through. We are here if you ever want to talk about anything. Sending you warm thoughts and prayers for better days sister.
Cubbie- the people part of having cancer was by far the most unexpected part of this. I read something early on during treatment in a cancer mag that the people who can support you best are either other cancer survivors or those who have helped others through cancer treatment. I found that to be very true. That is why BCO is so important for us, it is a place to talk about our challenges without too many questions or judgments.
The other thing I get from friends now is having to hear about everybody's cancer. Every time one of my friends knows someone or of someone who got a dx, I get the excruciating details about it. Not sure what they expect me to do with that? Do they think that make them more relatable to my experience? Hard to know what people are thinking with that? When I hear those stories, I just say I hope the person does well with treatment and lives a very long and full life. I did not tell many people about my dx. My guess is I would have had a lot more of these stories if I had?
I have learned to move towards the people who can be present with my story and kept the rest at bay. Cancer really can show you who your real friends are and who everybody else is. Through time, you may find you just move away from people who don't get it. I was initially mad at some of those people for not showing up better for me. Now I just have forgiven them, but have also chosen not to stay in touch with a few. I am more at peace as a result. To me, life is very precious and I want to only spend time with people who care.
I like that expression "treat everyone with kindness because everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about." I think that is true for the sister here who put on a brave face to go into the world the way we do each day and have to pretend everything is fine, when it is not.
You are all my heros!
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I wonder if the naseousness could be a longer term SE of chemo? I did not have chemo, and have not had that problem per say (although some morning my stomach is off). Have any of you looked into that as a possibility?
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BB- it sounds like the neurologist ruled out anything with the brain. I just think there are far more SEs than anyone ever talks about from this stuff.
Enjoy your boys BB. So glad you will have dinner with them. I hope they are both doing okay......
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BB- sounds like pizza and some things on the side are a good way to go. It is about time together, and noshing on something good will be nice for all of you and not too much work.
I hope your visit is a good one.
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Saw this on Ellen today, and found it very uplifting and inspirational, and hope you do as well. It made me think of the young sisters here we have met like Melp and Heart27 fighting this with everything they have got.
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Melp, I'm so sorry to hear about your new diagnosis. I hope the Femara and Zoladex work quickly for you and you can enjoy NED.
Jazzy, I don't understand the part about telling us about everyone else's cancer either. I honestly don't think people really think that much, I think they just blather.
BB, the kids will enjoy pizza and salad, I'm sure.
Simplicity, a woman I know through work was hospitalized for an extended period of time with an illness earlier this year, and her doctor told her it could take up to a year before she fully recovers her old energy level. Recovering from a major illness (and its treatment!) takes time. I hope you have some fun stuff planned with your friend for her visit.
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hi. I am so far behind
Melb I am so sorry keep us in mind if you need a place to vent. I hope this month goes ok with all you are dealing with
As per the nausea and dezziness it really wierd I still think it must be my iron but yes it's like when I was on taxol, but not all the time it comes and goes which is wierd.
Jazz I ll watch the link.
I am counting the days for December to end. Sorry to be such a negative one I am sure you all love xtmas. I must admit I did love it at some point too
I am going to bed good night all
Sending you hugs and strength
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hi bb yeah I'm happy with my doctors they have been great. I'm feeling tired physically. Can't be at the shops walking around for any more than half an hr without having to sit down. And I'm not even on chemo....think its the tablets.
Friends have been very helpful and caring
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