Single life after a mastectomy
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You know how someone invites you (and your kids) to do something - this person might even ask a few times before you finally agree - and then you invest a great deal of time (and some money) into this thing? Then you do whatever this person wants you to do for this thing. Then, later, this same person throws you (and your kids) under the bus in favor of other people, and when you point out how much time and effort your family has invested into this thing, this person suddenly behaves as if you're just wasting his or her time?
Yeah, I'm having one of those weeks with one of those people.
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Life- yes, been there many times with people. I call it being "useful" to people until they no longer need you. I have come to realize so many are looking for an audience around their celebrations, problems, etc. but care so little about you in return and quick to dismiss or throw you under the bus when they are done with you. To me, that has become my signal we were never friends at all to start and that they are done with me. I have had those people come around again when I can be useful to them, and just won't respond or am too busy. Sorry, you showed me who you really are and don't want any part of it.
I am sorry this happened and know it hurts. People can be really awful, especially this time of the year.
BB- I am sorry you got stood up too. That sucks!
I live in a place where people regularly opt out last minute and waste other people's time with having others plan or commit to things they never will follow through on. I have learned to be judicious with my commitments as a result. I made plans to go to this entrepreneurial party this week with a couple women from one of my prof org groups, but they both opted out last minute. I went anyway and it turned out just fine! Connected with some people I needed to and met some new ones. I think some of the people were expecting me to go on behalf of the prof org but I went on behalf of myself and my business.
We are almost done with the contract. Overcame some big hurdles and hoping to be done on Monday with signatures. Back to work!
E- I hope you are doing okay and enjoy seeing your lovely creations!
Cubbie- I hope you are doing okay too, and having an okay holiday season!
Simplicity- sounds like you have a fun weekend going on per your FB support page. You sound better and better every day.
Lilly- hope you are doing okay. What is Xmas like where you live?
Heart27 and Melp, thinking of you too and hope you are doing okay?
Going to a concert tonight with one of my BFFs here who is dependable. She invited me to this concert and then I got invited to a party as well tonight, so I checked on the time with her and think she thought I might blow her off. I told her I would never do that, that I committed to going with her first was just trying to figure out if I could stop by this other party after. But it won't work, so I said no to the party and thanked the other friend for the invite.
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I hope this post will make sense... I haven't slept for 24 hours... lol...
BB -- Sorry you were stood up. That's so ignorant, unless the person had a good reason (?).
I, too, have found that people disappoint again and again. I don't care much about what anyone does to me, but if they mess with my kids - that's where I draw the line.
Jazzy -- Congrats on the contract. And I hope you're enjoying the concert with your BFF.
Dozing off now... lol.
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Life, I know what you are talking about. It always reminds me of a line a character had in a TV show years ago - "Who says we aren't still in high school?"
BB, I've been stood up, too. Some people just lead such hectic, overcommitted lives that they can't manage to be reliable or on time. I try to not do anything involving those people. I'm sorry you ran into one of those people yesterday.
Jazzy, hope your concert was good. The contract I was working on is finally complete and we get training on our new service soon. I'm looking forward to having that wrapped up.
Family drama started up again this weekend. I think I am going to turn this over to my brother and sister (they are not the creators of the drama) to sort out. I just can't deal with it at this point, and it is time for them to take their turn.
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Cubbie- thank you for asking, the concert was so much fun. I think you were asking about Xmas music on another thread and you might enjoy this groups Xmas music.They do a lot of other great music from Michael Jackson to Frank Valley to one of my favorites, Queen!
Backing away from drama is a must do for any of us these days. It is exhausting and unnecessary, and not worth putting energy in to. Your family needs to learn you are not the same person and won't want to be around them if this behavior is their norm during the holidays. Take care of yourself and create those boundaries you must. Hugs sister.
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What a beautiful day today. It reached 70 degrees here, like springtime.
Cubbie -- You're so right... It is still like high school. lol Sorry to hear about the family drama you're experiencing. Yes, good idea to let others handle it now.
BB -- Thanks. Yes, 5 years since DX. Cute video. As for strong men who care about us, I do wonder these days whether many good men exist. lol I just don't know. Maybe that "special someone/soulmate" is a Hollywood-created illusion. Imho, it's good that you're taking time to care for yourself for a while.
Jazzy, Enerva, Simplicity, and everyone else who might be out there -- Goodnight and enjoy tomorrow!
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Life- congrats on making it through the five years! Wishing you continued strength and courage as you move forward to create the life you want.
BB- those otters are so cute. I did know they hold hands when they sleep together. Too bad humans don't do this?
Cubbie- I hope the drama with the family stays to a minimum. I hope you are continuing to heal and feel better every day. It is just a huge effort to get out of bed, go to work, etc. after all this crap.
Hugs to all the other sisters here. Wishing you all a good week!
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Jazzy, I think we have the family drama sorted. Of course, I thought that after last weekend as well. I'm pretty stressed out right now waiting for the ROs office to decide what they are doing next. Talking my days 15 minutes at a time, as I told Katy. It works.
Hope things are going well for the rest of you single ladies.
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hey jazzy and everyone
I'm trying to put one foot in front of the other atm. Trying to reach out more to those who know what I'm on about like you guys. Family can only support so much.. church have been continually great also. Its really hot here in summer so that's not helping my mood as I hate the heat..
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Melp -- Ah, yes, that's right, it's summer where you are... Of course, it's winter here on the east coast of the U.S., but we just had some 70-degree days. I'm sure it's much hotter there. Glad to hear that people are giving you some support. How's your energy?
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my energy is flagging a bit due to the heat. yes life it is the start of summer here. I like spring its not too hot but not too cold either
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Melp- good to hear from you and we love to hear from you and happy to provide support here any time you need some. Sometimes those of us who have been through this can understand the most. It sounds like you have a good support where you live and that is a good thing.
I went to a concert last weekend with a group called the Ten Tenors that is from Australia. The day of the concert, it was snowing most of the day here, and they kept talking about how thrilled they were to experience the snow, as Xmas is usually very hot where you all live this time of the year.
Cubbie- trying to figure out what to do for rads was some of the most stressful of my treatment process. I had an excellent RO though, and hope you have someone you like and trust also. The fact you are still in treatment means your family needs to get that and not make this worse for you than it already is. I know, easier said than done. I know with my family, it is usually all about them.
Big eye roll!
BB- how is your mom doing?
Things with my sister have mostly calmed down, and decided to go to CA next week as planned. It is really just for a few days around the Xmas holiday weekend. This will the only time I have to visit for awhile with the new work/project starting. But through all this, and reflecting on the past year, I have come to realize my sister is just not adjusting to the health changes that have gone on for both of them, and continue to get worse. Several common friends have observed the same thing this past year.
I had this sort of "ah hah" moment last weekend that my sister is behaving a lot like our mother did as she aged. That was not a pleasant time for me, and not going to engage in this behavior again. I hope my sister can retire soon, find balance in her life, but not up for the constant drama and struggles that have become the norm for them. I am just letting all that go now, and focusing on taking care of myself, which is my only role in all this. I also decided if they call me during the day when I am at the client site, I am not answering the phone. I will only talk to them during non work time. I need to focus on my new gig that is getting started soon, and getting my cash flow going again. Like Cubbie, I am keeping the drama at bay this holiday season and beyond. Whew!
Got an early meeting to get ready for and wishing everyone a decent day!
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hi ladies I am glad to hear most of you are doing ok I am too I am on the train again lol
I worked over tme this past weekend but to my surprise I got an email from my director saying he is concern I worked too many hours this past week .due to my manager been off on vacation my director was the one authorizing the hours so he saw I worked 53 hours Las week . There were many chalanges last week so just waiting for this week to end. I am not really in the mood for xtmas as u all know . MILKy invited me to visit her on the 25 but I told her I just can't I want to be alone do laundry and clean and study etc.
On the other hand I have been going to the gym at my building and started to do some cardio exercise due to some how I put on 2 bl and I panic lol now is off again I started cardio 3 times a week this is week 2 and it's paying off.
I am waiting for this Friday the 18 my nephew ll do his exam for the driving license. I have been taking him driving every Sunday and also paid 3 clases with a professional instructor whom said he is doing fine . Fingers crossed he pass
Other than that just hiding from people who want me to join them for xtmas
People don't understand I am not in the mood lol
My friend from Denver has some drama about her friends whom she claims they drink too much. I told her to let it be maybe try to make more friends who are into healthy style like people from her gym but knowing her she does not want to meet new ones lol
Family is ok back home bit sad missing our love ones but all are ok health wise only one of my brothers worry me cuz he has heart condition and he is now on a fishing trip and he msg one of my sisters to say he hasn't been feeling well so he ll return this week hope he gets back ok he usually goes far in the gungle fishing with his wife. We worry something may happen and his poor wife ll be alone in the mile of ko where they do not learn always do this around the holidays
Anyway I wish you all a quite and nice holiday.
I ll post again at the end of the week to let u know if my nephew pass
Love u all
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BB- that is good news about the apt. I hope things go well and you are given the help you have been searching for for so long.
E- I understand the need to lay low for the holidays. Most of my friends here know I choose to do my own thing for Xmas, unless I am going somewhere for the holiday. BB is right, wanting to be alone is way different than finding yourself alone for a holiday. You and I are both very self entertaining and can easily fill up our day with things to do and things we enjoy.
Had a good prof meeting this morning with some nice recognition from one of the guys on the board of directors. Now doing some self care from getting nails done, face "defurred", and moved a hair apt up that is coming up in another hour or so.
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Afternoon ladies! Laying down but lurking. I'll update more later.
Cubbie-if youre going to have to do rads, start moisturizing the area now. Heard it helps and mine is healing beautifully! I used vit e at first but they'll give you moisturizers. Sorry a bit nosey, but what are they trying to decide?
Love to all. Write more later.
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BB- oh I may have sent you a photo via PM. I did my hair a reddish/strawberry blonde color again yesterday, and it came out nice! I love red hair, but choose blonde most of the time instead because it stays up.
I learned years ago when I first started dying my hair that red fades quickly. My stylist today and I were talking about the same thing. She had her hair color a cherry red, but it had faded down to a dark pink. Doing a red base with some highlights is what I think looks the best. My highlights are still good from Sept, but will need to be done again in a few months.
Will send you my new pic by PM. She cut off a lot today. My hair had really grown out, even with 6 week trims since the restyle in August!
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BB- I find dark golden blonde gives me a nice red shade. Nice and Easy? I have one color that is good every time, others are often a "surprise!" I usually go a bit darker in the winter months.
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I remember you talking about it Jazzy and think you did send pm's. If I recall, it looked great! So glad to hear about the contract. I'm still in touch with most of my classmates and ugh, they've only one more semester and they're done
Happy for them. Just missing my studies I suppose. Sounds like a great concert. Lol You guys wanna hear a funny secret? I've only been to an Amy Grant and Elton John concert, separately, but only 2 in my life. Crowds scare me. Love the picture too (wow been a while since I've typed in here). Sorry to hear that BB. What an ass. I like auburn
I have some natural auburn in my hair. Well, I use to. Not so sure now. I've been in a funk too. Lots of the same. Just tired of doing all this on my own. 12 damn years. My ex is not the supportive, helpful type. Far from it. He's done better since dx. But I suspect his little bit of help will come up at a later date with expectations. Not that he's done anything out of norm. Yea. SP is gone. He replies if I email or whatever, and hasn't removed himself from my update or FB page. But it's me, reaching for him, and I need someone who will reach for me too. His happiness seems gone. His tone is so different. He is in very hard times and I can't make it anymore clear that I'm here if he needs me. So, o well. If you keep pushing people away, sooner or later they'll stop trying, ya know? Oh BB I wish I was close. Your posts make me just want to reach through the screen and give you the biggest hug ever!! I sure hope it goes well tomorrow and pour your heart out lady! Just let it out! Cubbie, apologies, but didn't you go right to work after surgery? Like a week later? I don't know how you did that/do that. My chest area still hurts and I've lost so much strength in my arms and hands. Most frustrating thing of all this for me. Hope your feeling good tonight.
Melp, hope it cools enough for you to get some good rest tonight.
Life, it's been nice here too and some of my flowers are trying to bloom again. Hope you got to enjoy some of the day.
Enerva, I love your creations! I'm not talented or patient enough for that craftiness! Haha I want to get back into the gym. Trying to find a middle man, so to speak between PT and gym. I think I'll hurt myself without guidance in the gym. My PT lady says in her home state, they had a transitional trainer that specialized in just that. My age should be at 76 psi. I'm only at 33left, and 40right
Things have been crazy here. Along with the fatigue, the kids have been challenging to say the least. I had Wonderful company last weekend! A friend from my single parent support site and a friend of hers. Such a good time and always so awesome to meet someone in real life! I've met 6 I believe from there. I told a mutual friend that I was wondering if they were going through all the scenarios on the way here; is she a psycho, a hoarder, is her place nasty, is.she.a.killer? Lmao! They did actually. Didn't get in until just past midnight and I had told her that if I fell asleep,on the couch to come on in. Her friend said 'You've never met this lady and she said to come on in? Are we going to get kidnapped?' Bwahahahaha! We couldn't stop talking and were up until 2:30 I think. The rest of the weekend was awesome! I'm the first she has met from there
And she's been there longer than me! I felt honored. Everyone of my online friends that I've met in real life it's been like we've always know each other. The site is anonymous. So getting to know each other is a personal choice. You don't even have to list your state. This past weekend my daughter had friends over and to spite my funk, we put up every.tree.we.have. Take that blues! Didn't work much. But my living and dining room sure look nice. They did most of it but naturally I couldn't resist helping and hurt myself
I've reconnected with an old male friend. He has been courting me for about 8 yrs but we lost touch for a while. Sweet guy. Cute. Owns his own business. But damn that Cupid! Always misses me or the guy! I am not sure if love can grow over time? Desire? Interest? My co worker asked what I was waiting on. *sigh* I wish we could control who we fell for. Well, maybe not.
Might be a mistake but I got 2 tickets for Star Wars this Friday and invited him. He's hung out a couple times and was kind enough to replace my mailbox for me
He's been very patient and has never been pushy. Although he is very vocal about how he feels about me (irony at it's finest). I fear reaching for him for the wrong reasons at such a trying time and told him so but I don't think he hears that part. Ah. Guess I had lots to say. Love to all. Hope everyone has a great night.
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Simplicity- two concerts for you, but two great artists. I like them both! I remember when I lived in TX and was in grad school, I knew these really religious folks who loved Amy Grant. Back when she was a serious Christian singer. Now she is married to Vince Gill. I love her Xmas album, will always be one of my favs. And Elton, I bet that was so awesome! He is out in Vegas periodically. I just need to go?
Sorry about your special friend not being there more for you. The hard thing about all this, we really don't know who is going to support us, show up for us, stick around for us, etc. It is purely painful to find these things out. This other friend sounds like nice male companionship even if not lover material? The heart wants what it wants.
I never realized how much chasing I was doing until after all this. When I stopped, the people who liked that about me seemed confused. I was just different. I no longer wanted the emptiness that comes with a too one sided situation.
I am sorry you are also in a funk. Coming through treatment is a huge relief, but also a very strange feeling as you look around and wonder where everybody went? Like you are cast adrift in some unfamiliar ocean to figure it all out by yourself. Rowing by yourself with your hands and not with paddles. It is hard, this post treatment period, and not talked about enough. Routines and simple pleasures got me through.
It is okay to feel funk too. Letting it be lets it have it's time with you, and then will move on. Keep an eye on it though, a big post treatment SE is depression. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Many cancer patients have.
Hugs sister.
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Both concerts were great! Elton just played and played and played. He even played backwards! I barely remember the Amy Grant concert. I remember more about the lights lol
Thanks Jazzy. I'm doubley self aware I think because of my history/childhood. I've seen a couple therapists here and there. Utilized EAP while I could before signing up here. Maybe 2 yrs ago, things were just bad. Bad with ex, kids, mom, losing family members. So I found a therapist that fit me in that day and just unloaded. Haha. Poor thing. I don't think she got to talk for the first 45 minutes.
It really is like that thou. Support you may have dwindles. You get those damn straddlers that haven't been there but want to hop right back into your life. Some assume since treatment is over, you should be ok.
Fortunately or unfortunately for me, my sex drive is as it was, on cruise at about 100mph. He does fit that role nicely but so afraid of hurting him. We've been here before and the recent exbf at the time popped back up. Stupid me gave recent ex a second go and E and I lost touch. So, surprised he is even willing to talk to me but it wasn't a bad ending or situation. Just bad timing. We shall see. I can't commit right now because I fear doing it for the wrong reasons. Sp was different for a lot of reasons. Distance was one. Commitment with him would not have been as....hindering and time consuming. Wouldn't have required as much of my time and focus? And in general, I just found him very intriguing. Idk that E has the balls to stand up to me if opinions should differ or if I'm being a b*#=h.
But then, I always did think too much
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Simplicity- I found those peripheral people who wanted to come back and resume like nothing had happened the worst of all. I would rather have had them just go away and be done with it, than to have them come back and expect to just continue on and dismiss everything. Who does that? Sometimes peripheral people need to learn we are not the same people anymore. Once they see that, I find they usually move on. You have had some good folks to help you and they are the ones who deserve your time and vice versa. People's actions really show you who they are.
I think it sounds like there is something there with this guy. Maybe your timing has not been right and maybe right now is still not the right time either. But good to be friends and begin there again?
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Did I scare everyone away with my TL:DR post haha
Hope everyone is doing good tonight. I'm exhausted but don't want to go to bed quite yet. Only 8 pm.
I got a bit worried about my under arm. It seemed to be swelling to me. I insisted on a blood test to check WBC. It was fine. PS thinks it's just part of the healing process, NP thought it looked ok but told me to show it to my OT lady. She thinks it's just my cords becoming more loose (?) as all the inflammation goes down? My surgical area is still rock hard in some places thou. PS & OT saythat'll loosen up.
Ugh. Isn't there a standard 'don't be concerned with xx or yyyy or ttt. That's normal' Bleh.
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Simplicity- sorry to hear you are tired and have swelling. Hopefully that will be better soon.
My contract is all wrapped up and back to work tomorrow ladies. Next will be BB and Life with their new work.
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E- this from me to you!
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Melp - Summer heat can be unbearable sometimes. I hope you're managing to stay cool and well-rested.
Jazzy - I hope that last line you wrote turns out to be true for both BB and me. I do need a job, although I've been thinking that maybe it's good I wasn't hired over the holidays. Some unexpected circumstances have popped up, and they need my full attention first.
Simplicity - I had a problem with "cording" after the first MX when nodes were removed from my underarm. I had that cording for what seemed like a long time. A physical therapist showed me how to massage the underarm and push the cording in. It didn't seem to help much, so I expected to have that cording for the rest of my life. Well, guess what - it's gone. Eventually, everything worked back into place in that arm and underarm. The cording has been gone for a long time now. I hardly even remember it. So, I hope the cording is a temporary thing for you, too. :-)
Enerva - Hope all is well with your job and your nephew passes that test.
BB, Cubbie -- Have a great day!
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Morning Ladies.
Thanks Life! Nice to hear. I was so worried another surgery would make it worse but both my PS and OT say no, it will actually get better
Thanks Jazzy. Beautiful picture!
Hope all have a great day!
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thanks jazz love the horse
On the train again going home
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BB good luck, not surewhat it is but good luck anyway, i wish you that every day x
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Hi Singles, trying to catch up after two crazy days - I had counseling last night, and support group tonight.
Simplicity, there was some question about having radiation locally or at the university (an hour away). It didn't seem likely that I would be sent to the university, but you never know. I did go back to work at 2 and a half weeks after surgery. I didn't find the surgery affected my ability to do my job all that much - most of the pain I had post-surgery was from the seatbelt while driving, and trying to sleep. Of course, once I get into the radiation we'll see how ouchy I am! I have found that I lost some strength in my arms, just because I've been careful about not overdoing it and risking lymphedema. When I went to lift the 15" speakers I use for general PA work at events, they sure seemed a lot heavier than they used to be!
BB, I'm glad to hear you found someone for therapy. Sometimes it pays to let people see how distressed you are.
I had my first radiation treatment today. I told the people at work that this is the first step on the road to superpowers.
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