Single life after a mastectomy
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Yes and oddly, it was a very recognizable mess of cat food lol Just missed the toilet
Glad to hear you're feeling better. Not looking forward to NYE myself. I don't want to spend it with E cause he already seems abit more attached than I'm ready for. You know, in the dating world, spending holidays or special days together, meeting friends, is a big thing, evidently. So I'm flying solo and probably sitting at home or down at the neighbors.
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Hum. Define 'seeing'? We hang out from time to time. I do enjoy his company. We have been intimate (my sex drive has NoT depleted yet lol), but I have been clear that I can't commit right now. I'm not talking to anyone else, just don't want to be reaching for him for the wrong reasons and I'm not clear thinking enough to figure that out right now.
And unfortunately, we cannot control what the heart wants
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Hi everyone! I've been scarce lately due to all the events I was involved in leading up to Christmas. The holiday was a letdown for me, too. I was sick, other relatives were sick...just a mess. We didn't do all the things we usually do, and I also was very down afterward. I feel like I don't have anything to look forward to now that it's over.
Melp, I'm glad to hear the treatment is working well for you. When can you see your mom again?
Enerva, that's a lovely pic of you modeling the hood you made.
BB, I'm glad to hear you have counseling underway. Your counselor probably needed those first two sessions to get the lay of the land - who you are, what has happened to you, who the major figures in your life are, so she can make a plan. The first few sessions always feel unproductive.
Happy New Year to you as well, Jazzy. Any big plans for tomorrow? Everybody out my way is either sick or out of town.
Simplicity, that is exactly why I don't have a cat.
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Happy New Year friends!
I have been lurking but not posting as I have been very busy since I went back to work. Two very full days last week, a five day trip to CA, then back to work this week. I am working from home today and going to relax at home tonight. I am looking forward to some time for myself this weekend too!
I am going to a friends house tomorrow to play music with my jazz friends, one of my favorite New Years rituals. My friend who has is someone who lives with a blood cancer. It will be good to see him and see how he is doing.
My trip to visit my sister went okay. We had some good dining out, went to see a super funny movie called Sisters, and I went off for a day to do my own thing. NM had a big storm while I was gone, so it was iffy I would get home Sunday night, but was lucky to arrive and get to my house with no problem. Love coming home to sleep in my own bed!
BB- I think the therapist plan to help you move forward is a good one. I know they like to understand your story so they can help you to move forward. Those first few sessions are always painful and exhausting.
Simplicity- sorry to hear about your special friend not even touching base over the holidays. Removing him from social media was a good move on your part. I have had to do the same with several people I feel don't care about me, and am the better for it. Onward to more rewarding and mutual relationships.
Cubie- sorry to hear you have been sick and that the holidays have been hard for you. You are still in treatment too and that makes them difficult anyways. I went through treatment during the holidays of 2012. I know that feeling of having nothing to look forward to either, but that will return with time. Are you doing okay with the rads treatments? Wishing you a better year sister.
E- hope you are doing okay and know you are laying low this holiday season. The new year is finally upon us sister.
Life- I hope you are doing okay and that you and the boys got through Xmas okay.
Melp- thinking of you too sister. May your new year be better.
Time to get some more shut eye before I have to get up to work. Wishing you all continuously better days in the coming year. Peace and love sisters.
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hi ladies sorry I have been away from here .I was just working a lot and I am glad it's finally over got to leave early so got home at 2:50pm and that was so good.
Yes this month was very sad my siblims back home had a tuff time dealing with our lost and I know tonight they ll all cry and cry it ll be the worse new years day for us due to the lost of our dear sister , brother and mom
I am staying low too I ll be off next week and I need to figure out a way to fucus and passing my next exam.
Regarding our love life lol well didn't meet any hot stun yet lol
My ex mom in law invited me to her birthday and I went it was nice. Saw my ex and yes it was hard but less than before it is clear we are not ment to be and I kept my distance.
He told me all that he has avomplished with his project and that was nice we had a long talk he was telling me about his mom s divorce and all the crap they are dealing with. It was as if he needed someone to just vent but it was nice.
Then I stayed at his sister one night .he insisted for me to stay at his place but I refused and I am glad lol we all know what could have been a big error lol not to say I did want his ass but I was strong enough to not grab a piece.
I need to tell u all about something that has been bothering me lately. Is been a month now there is a small pain in my lower back area more to the right side above my right cheek as if I had a needle like as if I had an injection then I kept looking waiting to see a mark cuz I thought maybe I hurted myself u know like when we bump ourselves against a corner but no Bruce came then now the pain is in a larger area as if it's coming from a nerve from my lower spine so I am getting restless. If it doesn't go away I ll make an apoitment in Jan to ask about it I am sick of been always watching for signs I am so tired of this crap. Is a small pain and I am hopping it goes away I ll keep u ladies posted.
Anyway love you all hope all are ok I really wish we can maybe meet this year maybe go to Mexico or Cuba or to a cheap place for a week
That could be so good for all of us. I play the loto this weekend and my hopes are to win enough for us to go away and relax a bit
Sending u all love
May 2016 bring us health love and $
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oh bb sorry you are having such time. I have no plans I had a shower and went to my bed to crochet a hat lol its just what takes my mind away from my on reality I guess here it is .I made it for my ex s sister she requested this one lol I ll just send it to her by post office I don't feel like going there any time soon.
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bb- I'm three and a half hours from my mum. cant drive at the moment due to pain meds.
Hopefully get to see mum before the end of this month..have to take the good days with the bad I guess.
happy new year to all of you
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For some reason I am not getting the new messages showing in my favourite list so I have missed a lot of posts......just caught up, and you know what we are a bunch of seriously tough women dealing with a whole pile of often still steaming poop.............
I am feeling brighter, I hate Christmas and all the lead up to it, boring and fake, and gives totally unrealistic expectations of life, relationships etc......I had New Year´s Eve alonAe, with my animals and I enjoyed it, watched Fireworks from my terrace at midnight and just felt hooray its all over for another year! I don´t watch the news programmes as its all hype, so I stuck to my bah humbug thread and just decided not to buy in to anyone of this.........
As for relationships, well they are hard work.....! BB - I so want you to get something out of your therapy sessions. I know when I started mine the Psychologist expected me to be a quick CBT fix, but she soon realised that would not work with me due to PRESENT Trauma Stress Disorder!!!! At our last sessions she said to me she thinks I deserve applause as I deal with such a lot of stress, cáncer related and life stuff, without the aid of any medication and give myself no credit.....................so I am going to TRY and look at where I have come from rather than where I think I should be, and to stick with living one day at a time.........if I think ahead 3 months then it becomes overwhelmingly worrying.......
THank you everyone for your support in 2015, and here´s to a much happier, less stressy 2016.....oh and a lottery win would not go amiss either!!
xx
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Cubbie, sorry you weren't feeling well. Christmas was bumming here for other reasons. Yea, cats can be a PITA. But I love them. They're all rescues.
Hey Jazzy. Glad to hear work is keeping you busy! You should record you and your friends and send us a link
Love to hear some unplugged Jazz. E, not sure what to say. Love the hat but you look so.....down. Wish I could give you a hug. Please try to get into the Dr and see about your back. Does suck. I went last week for a stomach ache. Apparently I fall into one of two categories now-normal people problems, and cancer people problems
I've had a dull constant ache in my belly and got sick the other night. Doc says it's a stomach bug. I don't know how you do it either, hanging around an ex. Especially one you admit to wanting his ass lol We are still human hahaBB- Idk. Wearing a kimono, while relaxing and painting your toe nails sounds like a nice moment to me. I've found in my experience since dx, there's a lot of 'just being' days. Don't think I knew how to do that before. Is kinda nice. Those small moments so often taken for granted. The rest was out of your control. Thou you feel like you're spinning, you were spun! Out of your control.
Melp, hope the pain eases soon and today is very kind to you.
I'm still in my bed. Joint pain, and stomach pain. I changed to night time with my Arimidex. Hoping that helps a bit with the day time nausea. Left the neighbors about 10 last night.Wasn't feeling well and just wanted a shower and bed. Hoping these SE's ease as I get use to these new med's.
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Good morning friends! Hope everyone had a good evening.
Lilly- you sound very good today and glad to hear you are pushing through some of the hard stuff.
Melp- thinking of you today and hoping you can see your mom soon. I understand what it is like to go through this without family around.
BB- I usually put together a list of goals for each year based around work, home, self care/health, music and yoga, and relationships and did so again this year. I reviewed them and finalized them last night and think they feel solid to me. I am a person who has always needed that to accomplish what I want each year. I check in on it over the course of the year to be sure I am staying true to myself, and adjust as life presents whatever it must. Not everything happens as I want it to. But that is life. And no, I will never have it figured out either! The older I get and the more I think I know, life shows me yet how much I don't have a clue about so much........
But beyond that, there are two major themes I am working on for next year: being more in a place of gratitude (my mantra is "loose the attitude and embrace the gratitude") and continuing to simplify my life. I want less clutter in my life on all levels, and more room for good experiences.
Simplicity- I hope your stomach feels better. So many people have that darned stomach bug right now.
The pharmacist gave me the best advice when starting the arimidex. She told me that it can make you dizzy, can cause nauseousness, etc. and starting it at night really does help. That happened the first few weeks, but then the joint pains set in pretty bad after three months. The AIs are cumulative so sometimes it take awhile for them to really get working in your system. I will be honest the first six months on them were very tough for me, my joints were so sore, my feet hurt like hell. I went in to my MO after six month and said "there is no way I am going to get through this for five years!"
Some of the ladies on the Arimidex thread told me they took a "mini vacation" after awhile to get a break and then go back on and it was better. I asked my MO about this and he said yes, we could do that. He said 4-6 weeks max, and so I did that the fall of 2013 after being on them about 8 months. Went back on and it was much better. I still have a stiffness with my walk and my feet still bother me, but am able to cope for the most part. I will be three years on these drugs in March. They have been the hardest for me for my particular situation.
I had to find someone to work on my feet though and my massage therapist has changed careers, so now I am looking for a good foot reflexology person. I have done a couple of those treatments on my feet at the hot springs up north, and they have helped a number of things. I am going to go get a facial this month and will try my local spa's 30 min treatment for a starter.
E- I like the hat! You are so creative and beautiful too girlfriend. I hope you feel a sense of relief coming into the new year.
I need to get back to the gym and going shortly to do a weight work out. Will try to record and post something from today, great suggestion S!
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melp I hope you get to see ur mom soon.
It is such struggle when we live far from love ones.
Well I am glad the year end was piecefull I did some exercises today but was not able to do my abs due to the pain in my lower spine. I ll put some cream today. I hope is just a muscle and not the bone.
I am watching Dr. Phil and there are so many people with huge issues but from out side it looks such small. Can't really watch that show. Lol
I am trying to close my eyes and stop thinking
Never been able to meditate I am trying again
Hope u all are having a great Jan 01
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bb I hear you. I also feel bad for animals more than I do for humans
Bb I also think you guys are my real friends ha ha cuz I have push most people I knew away like some of you I realized I had not genuine friends and when I needed someone the most it was my relatives whom where there 4 me. And you ladies are really special. I don't know how it happened but now I don't have many friends and I don't really care lol
I must tell you it's the same for me I try to meditate and ended up sleeping a nap lol
My brain also can't stop talking and I don't reach that state of silence mind.
Here is another one I made
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E- I agree with BB, having a guided meditation helps. I started a meditation class on sunday nights at a local yoga studio and will resume this week after missing it the past couple weeks. Having someone to help lead us makes a difference. There are CDs or maybe can find a download of one to try?
I went to the gym this morning to get back to my work outs. I noticed there were a lot of people at the front desk trying to sign up, the gym itself was not too bad. That being said, it is always hard in January with all the people that join for a month as part of a NY resolution and then drop out.
Music jazz jam was super fun today. Really great group of friends there. It filled me up. Must get back more into my music. It is one of the things that makes me very happy in life.
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BB- do you still think you will do that DIEP surgery at some point?
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BB, I like that tattoo, but I always wonder about getting a tattoo in that location on the shoulder. I mean, you can't really see it yourself, so how much enjoyment can you get from it? I suppose you know it is there, but still.
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Thanks Jazz. Yea I've had dizziness, nausea. Laughed at myself today as I appeared to be walking kinda sideways and almost ran into my coffee table. It is kind of comical. Today was not much better thou but I did just switch back to night time last night. Maybe tomorrow will be better. My tum is just gurgling. Ugh.
Melp, hope you can get a visit in soon. How far is she? My mom and I do t have a great relationship. It's gotten better the past couple years but were very different people.
E, BB, my biggest support has been from afar. A lot of friends from my single parent support board have come to visit me since dx. It's, different in places like this. We share a part of us with each other that we don't with people irl. Probably is a bit because it's safer behind a screen. But, IMO, the strength of the bond is unmistakable.
Love the hat E. Did you say you are or,are not on Etsy? And if you figure out how to close your eyes and stop thinking, please tell me! Bleh.
Jazz, I don't play an instrument, but am getting back into a groove of having music on around the house. Love it. Soothes me. Jack Johnson is one of my favorites, but I enjoy from Enya to Metallica, Norah, a little country...not much thou haha
Like the tat BB. Gotta figure out what I'm going to do with my chest. I've never had one up there but have one on each ankle. They hurt
But I'll never regret them. One has no significance, the other my mom and I have. Have a good night everyone. I'm off to lala land.
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hi ladies Well I am making banana bread lol I went out buy milk and passed by the cake area looking for gluten free mix and then I saw there is a banana mix lol I love banana bread but never try to make it cuz I hardly buy bananas
Anyway tmw I ll have this one .is bad for me but oh well I feel better I used coconut oil lol
Good night all
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Good morning friends!
E- that bread looks really good! I love banana bread but never make it anymore since I gave up sugar. I have a cookbook with
Well, this will be the end of the holiday season today I think. Glad to be to the new year. Although January is follow up month again and biz and personal tax work month for me, neither of which I enjoy. But a girl has to do what a girl has to do.
I am working to get caught up from my time away and in preparation for being at the client site four days a week. I have had a few weeks to ease into this with being on site a few days each week, but go FT on site Mon-Thurs starting tomorrow until I am done in Sept with this project.
That being said, you may not see me here as much. Will check in with you when I can, most likely later this week when I am off site.
May the new year bring everyone here better days. Blessings to those here still in treatment and completing treatment.
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BB- I know what you mean about eating healthy. I think processed food is so inexpensive and thus, why so many people eat that instead of eating the healthier food food. But processed food is filled with stuff we don't need. I hope you enjoy the foods you did get. Your new years resolution to eat better sounds very good!
One thing I have noticed is when I am eating healthier food, I am not as hungry because my body is getting the nutrients it needs. I got some healthier foods this week too. I go to one particular store for meats and dairy products, because they have the free range/non-hormone meats and also carry some of the more organic local foods too. They are on the way home from my client site where I am doing the new work, making it easier to stop after work for things if I need them.
The local farmers market has been advertising on FB, and as I was up that way to meet my friends for lunch today, I decided to go early and stop in. I was worried they might have less veggies than other things. In fact, I was right about that. The offerings included breads, local honey, jams, etc. The only veggie were some radishes. So I bought those and left and will go back in the spring when they start having the greens again.
Going to meditation class and yoga tonight. Nice way to end the day/week/holiday season. Back into the fray tomorrow......
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E that bread does look good! I need to learn how to make bread. Hope you're feeling better today.
BB, I have a regular grocery store right down the street. Hard to not only drive further but spend more on 'supposedly' healthier food. If I don't know the farmer, and now it's local, how it's grown or fed. But tonight, in an effort to eat healthier lol, I diced up some chicken breast, got some peppers, cooked all that mixed together with some olive oil and steamed some broccoli over it (a new thing for me. Never liked broccoli before). It's better than what I normally eat. Wish they'd lower prices so it'd be easier. We don't have many options or variety for health food stores here but do have farmers markets.
Jazz, my smoothies make a difference IMO for me. I do baby spinach, wild berry mix, strawberries and bananas (all frozen for a milk shake texture), couple cubes of ice, protein powder, a bit of yogurt and a tad of water haha Tastes good and really think it's helped me with my energy.
Decent day here. Stayed at E's last night ;-) Got home about 9 and had gone by the grocery store and the produce guy (a cancer brother) gave me a free bouquet of flowers
If you go early in the morning sometimes they're putting in new flowers so gotta get rid of the out of dates. Nice looking sitting on my table thouHope all have/are havinga good night
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Lily, glad to hear you're feeling better! I was the same this Christmas with misbehaving teens and up. I really only decorated and stuff in a feeble attempt to spite my own funk. My poor kids. We've had a rough go the past 12 yrs. the last definitely taking the cake.
I really have a hard time with people saying that. Not sure how to explain but when people tell me I'm so strong, I've handled this so well, etc etc. part of me feels like they're fibbing (my issue, not theirs), and part of me think I'm not worst case scenario. Idk. The 'you have a reason to be grumpy' thing bothers me sometimes too. I'm just really hard on myself so maybe I need to learn to cut myself some slack too?
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good night to all I had a good weekend. Today I saw my polish friend and her daughter. Turned out their car broke and well I offered to take them to work and school tmw. They live in my area and it ll give me a reason to get up early and then start my studies I only read 1 chapter over this weekend. Starting tmw I must focus.
I watched a movie today with Bradley cooper yummy lol that guy is so cute. Movie called burnt. Anyway it's a good one about the history of a chef. I honestly never undertood the pasión that those chef have lol plus the plate looks so good but very small portion lol and so expensive. I guess I ll never get to eat those ha ha ha
Bb yee me too I feel sick every time I pay at the organic supermarket ha ha a few bags $100
It's crazy how much food went up
Rumors that it ll go up another 8% this month
Well the banana bred turned out very dry maybe cuz I used coconut oil and a bit less than what they called for. Only had a piece for breakfast then took it to my friend and daughter .
Her boyfriend is from Mexico and he gave me a receipt for guacamole from Mexico also lender me a cooking rock lol I ll return tmw when I drive them to work in the mornING.
It has
Jalopeño peper
Garlic
Onion
Lime juice
It turned out so good I ll have it tmw .
Here is a picture
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Enerva, yum, guacamole is one of my favorite foods. It never comes out as good when I make it myself.
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E- I make guac all the time. For some extra smoothness, add in sour creme. I used the fat free variety! Avocado is good for you!
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oh yes the Avoca turned out great lol
I went this morning and I drove her and her daughter to school and work .
I must share with you thus morning experience
So I got to their home and my friend was finishing her sandwich then her kid comes in the kitchen and she tell her to go change the cat s durt and give him his food then her daughter asked about her lunch. My friend tells her " u are to prepare your own lunch , I was there just observing I was by the kitchen door. Then I see the 16 year old grab a banana and a plain beguel put it in a bag and in her bagpack. We left then we drop her off at school and I asked my friend. How come claudia didn't make her lunch last night ? She says " she espected me to do it for her she is 16 now. " I said " did she had breakfast ? She said" she had some cerial . She spend too much time in the shower .
I asked " since you don't have the car now how will she get home? She said she ll take the bus and then walk from hisLinton to home.
OK guys pls forgive me but I took the girl back pack and it was unreal heavy. There are like 15 to 20 blocks from the his Linton to their home . The girls is so toll and she is not eating properly. This is her only daughter I am sorry but I have to vent here.
When my nephew was with me I made sure he eat proper breakfast before exiting the door I was raCe by that rule and a plain begle and a banana for lunch? Whf
I felt so terrible. Anyway just I needed to vent cuz I can't say it to her since it is not my child.
I did offer to pick her up and she told me sure if I could that could be great cuz her bf ll then pick her up from work but if I am able to pick up her child that's great.
I feel so useless but al least I ll pick her child up and make sure she does not walk all that home today oh am guess the girl is not wearing a scaf and it's -13 out side
Honestly I am glad I have no kids but if I had one I know I could never let my child go to school with no proper lunch it really piss me off and I could not say anything
but I am able to tell you guys .Yesterday I brought the banana cake to them cuz it turned out too dry I was not impressed lol well her girl eat half of it lol
So strange cuz I guess mom's don't really realize but between us in my mind I was like " wth you prepare your own sandwich and salad for lunch but could not make a second one for her?"
I was speachless .
Today when I pick her up I ll tell her to try and make something in the evening so is ready to bring to school next day. She is a great kid very smart and struggling to get 92 so she can enter medical school. Just hard to watch some mom s way of treating their only child. And don't get me wrong my friend is a great mom but when it comes to food and clothing or basically comun sense she is just very careless.
Thanks for letting me vent lol
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Lol oh well I was just chock to see it right in front of my face a mom eating not worry about the kid just wierd. Just forget I vent cuz is not my place to say or comment lol who knows right. Every home has there issues these days.
I just need to keep my distance I guess .
So it's -13 and all week Aparently ll not improve
I study this morning and went pick up her kid drove her home and here I am trying to focus again
The more I read the more I don't retain here is one example of what I am studying
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