Single life after a mastectomy
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BB- your story about Fortran days brought me back to my computer class in college. Boy have things changed since then! I think I took Cobol too. My brother was a computer programmer, learned a lot about computers from him back in the day. Remember those big decks of cards?
And if the job comes and you want to give it a shot, go for it.
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My dearly departed and much-loved dad was a programmer in the old days. I remember those punch cards, too, Jazzy. LOL. He then was a COBOL programmer. He tried to talk me into programming as a career, and every day I still kick myself, wondering why I didn't take his advice. The only programming class I ever had was BASIC which I enjoyed. My 1st serious BF was a programmer, and then my ex was... Sheesh, you'd think I'd have taken the hint and become one myself. LOL.
BB - I agree - we have to do these things as a matter of survival. I've been doing the "if-then" thing, too.
Goodnight, all.
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BB- I don't know if we ever totally get used to living in stress, although I would think most people in this society do live with enormous stress which is why we are all so sick. Everyone I know seems to have something major going on (at least one thing, often more).
I find daily meditation helps. I joined this weekly meditation class on Sunday's and it is helping me to include it in my morning schedule. Does meditation help you? I find I have a better day when I do it.
I hope your check up on the derm sites goes okay (I had a basal cell removed as well, but on my scalp) so the scar is hidden under hair. The face is a very tricky thing, my sister has had two things on her face removed, and one on a finger.
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I'm a single 44 year old, never been married and not in a relationship right now. I chose to not reconstruct after my BMX (exactly one year ago). Prior to my BMX, I felt finding the right guy was difficult. After surgery I'm wondering if it is downright impossible!
Now that I have had time to wrap my mind around having had breast cancer, I am considering undergoing reconstruction. Truth be told, when it comes to having breasts, I can take 'em or leave 'em. But if having them would increase my chances of finding someone special (not just any guy!), I'm willing to go through the process. I have many guy friends, but none that I feel comfortable talking frankly about this. Hoping some of you have some insight!
So my questions are these...
1) If you were to estimate the percentage of men who might be interested in a 44 year old WITHOUT reconstruction, what might you estimate?
2) If you were estimate the percentage of men who might be interested in a 44 year WITH construction, what might you estimate?
Thinking in numbers helps me. ;-)
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Welcome, Moni. :-) I don't date, so I can't really answer. Maybe one of the other ladies here will offer more insight. I was 46 and married when first diagnosed. I considered going natural with no reconstruction, but at the last minute, I opted for reconstruction. Shortly afterward, I was separated and now am divorced. No one except doctors and nurses have ever seen the work I had done, so even with reconstruction, I'm self-conscious and wonder just as you do what a man would think.
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Hi Moni- welcome to our thread. I had a double lumpectomy, so I went down a different path. I joined the thread to have conversation with other single women. Nice ladies here.
Although I did not have to make the decision you are thinking about, I will share that I agree with Life that we are all much more self conscious after all we have been through. My incisions have healed well and very little signs of the treatment I went through there, but I always feel someone may notice something. I have not dated since I had bc, so less to share on how men react.
You should really decide what makes you feel your best. I think it is just hard to know how others will react to us.
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Moni, to be honest, although I hesitate to guess on the numbers, I feel pretty confident that the number of guys who would be interested in a woman with reconstruction would be greater than the number interested in a woman without reconstruction. In basic numbers, reconstruction is going to expand your dating pool. That said, I think you need to go over the pros and cons of your choices carefully. What were your reasons for not choosing immediate reconstruction after your surgery? How do you feel about those reasons now?
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Haven't been on in a while, but wanted to say HI.
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Hi Bdavis- good to hear from you. I hope you are doing well!
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BB- wow, hugs.
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Bdavis - Thanks for stopping in! Glad to see you here. It would be great if you could share what's been happening in your life. Hope all has been going well!
BB - {{Hugs}} to you.
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BB - I hope tomorrow the Court will help you. I notice that tomorrow is another big day for both you and Melp. Please, both of you, keep us posted, if you can.
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bb - heck no.. we are all going through different things here. Thats what we are here for to help each other.
Thankyou life and every one for your good thoughts. Will update as soon as i can
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BB - I am sending you a PM in a few minutes.
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Today was a total Murphy's Law day. From computer issues at work, to stomach problems, to going to the BS office for follow up and being told "oh we called you to reschedule, she can't see you today." I said no one called me today, someone called yesterday to confirm my apt? WTF?
Well, I rescheduled and came home to find a message here on the house phone. Who calls a home number five hours before an apt to cancel it? I calledd back to tell them "so here is the thing, you left me a message at home that my apt was cancelled. I need you to call my CELL phone when you do that, you always have before." She said "so you want me to just delete your home phone number then and we use the cell as your only number." I said sure, lets do that. No sorry for the inconvenience today etc. Time is money for me and so I will be working tonight instead to finish up some things from today.
You can't fix stupid folks. I try again for this apt on Feb 9th.
I got home and confirmed with the MO's office we are on for that apt, because I never got a confirmation call from them either. We are good to go for tomorrow morning and that one is the more important. Blood work, other checks, Prolia shot. The radiologist told me the imaging was good last week when I saw her. The BS does little for me at this point. It is more of the rubber stamp on the films until we meet again.
BB- try to be calm and send out intentions for good outcomes tomorrow. Devious people will always try to make themselves look like the good guys. Hopefully the judge will see through it. They are used to the BS.
Melp- I am praying for good outcomes tomorrow for your tests.
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just wanted to pop in and say hello. I believe Melp and BB both have big days tomorrow? I've been trying to keep up via email. I'll be thinking of both of you tomorrow.
Things have been crazy here and bleh. Dumpy. Maybe grumpy.
Life you feeling ok? That was sweet of your 18yr old. Mine have all been really pushing my patience lately.
Jazzy, I still admire your energy.
Enerva, you hanging in there ok? How are things with your nephew?
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Simpllcity- I woke up so tired today and then nothing got any better! I was thinking of you today with your often funny eff comments when it all gets too crazy.
I hope you are doing okay this week sister. One day at a time.
Yes, where is E?
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Bb- thanks. I will see what I can do about that
Appointment went not as good as I expected. More nodules in the pleura lining than previous scans. There is two liver nodules which makes them suspicious that it's cancer but they aren't certain. Tumours in ovaries are slightly bigger. Bones are effected in several areas sometimes the changes are evidence that treatment is working but sometimes it's the opposite. There is cancer growing into spinal cord from T9. Should be treated with radio therapy. Will have a MRI to check the spine out more fully and a meeting with radiation oncologist next month. I'm still processing it all but I'm feeling sad and scared..
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Melp- I am sorry that the news from the scans was not good. I have no good words for this except that we care and are here to listen. Sending you enormous hugs across the miles.
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Hugs Melp. I cannot imagine. Ugh I never know what to say. It's evident you're very loved around here.....thinking of you
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Melp - I'm so sorry. So now it looks as if the treatment plan will need to change and chemo is a possibility? I hope your radiation oncologist gets started soon to clear up the bones. Sending {{hugs}} to you from across the world here.
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Hi ladies- just a quick message regarding my MO apt this am and before I leave town for the weekend (yoga retreat).
I had a good chat with my MO who I saw for the first time in 18 months after he had a heart attack. Although I did not ask him anything about it, he shared a bit of the story. I told him I was glad to see him. By far one of the best specialist I have had in this city.
Couple things to share based on our conversations. With respect to weight gain, he said these drugs totally work against that and most women need to go on Weight Watchers or the like. He said he thinks I have several things working against me on the weight loss front, and that I may need to see an endocrinologist for help with loosing weight. We agreed I will try WW again, and if no success he is going to do a referral to the endocrinologist this summer. I had a friend who has thyroid issues and she ended up doing that and loosing the weight she needed to (and has kept it off). He told me to tell the BS that he said I am doing okay and that we have a plan for my weight issues (but that he is also not terribly worried about them either). He said the fact I am taking good care of myself and exercising means everything.
About the 10 years on the AIs, he asked me how long I have been on the anastrozole and I said "three years this March". He brought up the 10 years and said for those with early bc, there is a new predictive test they can do to help assess the benefits of continuing on for 10. It sounds like it focuses on the early bc/no lymph node involvement cases to provide more quantitative analysis around the decision. I am generally considered low risk, but was also bilateral which makes a lot unknown (bilateral is rare). They do the test on the actual tumor which I learned today they keep somewhere for 10 years. Who knew?
I got my Prolia shot today too and we also talked about that as well with respect to how it helps reoccurence risk, how keeps the bone strong for awhile after, etc.
I liked his CNP, but am really happy to have him back to be working with me on these things and so much more. It was a good visit today.
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Life - yeah the plan will change. Chemo wasnt mentioned. Onc did say keep having zoladex and Femara. There are other treatment he wants to try but it wont be available for two months so he wants to do this and wait and see if rads help before new treatment comes available.
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hi ladies wow so much happening here. I have been working out as much as I can and working my brain around bills as usual . Hope Melb got good news regarding the treatment. VDavis nice to hear from you too. Hope ur love life improved
Well I have a date tmw and don't get mad cuz it is with my ex ha ha ha well I don't think of it as a date but more like an old friend whom I ll meet for dinner. Or early snake . He actually called me and I thought there was bad news ha ha ha cuz in the past that man never called he always texts. Then he asked me if I was busy Saturday afternoon and I said " yes I am in a class most of the day" then he added do you want to grab something to eat after your class? I was silence and he said . I will be in town and I thought we could meet up and catch up . ? So I honestly didn't have a good no answer at that moment and agreed to it. Yes yes I am a moron lol I guess I was cut off guard . Oh well is just food not sex I will meet up and I ll not let him crep back in my life. I do miss the friend on him just the guy to talk and hang out. But I am not 100 % sure I ll meet him now.I am so tired and after that class I am sure I ll be super dead so we Shall see.
I am very roud I lost 5 bls this past month and I have been trying a clean diet which seems to be working.
Regarding recon .I think it's depends on the man but in my case I want my b back for me I am so sad when I see what my b were and what are now. The zise is good but the feel is so terrible as if all I got is a thing layer of skin and I can feel the plastic of the implants if I was a man that could turn me off. I am sorry but yes my breasts are important to me so I feel that most people are like me. I know woman whom did not do recon and 10 years later are face with the struggle of doing it but is not due to a man but for themselves something to do with our on self-confidence also clothing fit way better when everything is where it should be.
I am single cause i want to be . when i was with my ex he was all I care about for almost 7 years and after that I realized he Wil never change his way . He is inviting me to dinner cuz he knows I am still single and he somewhat realize I was not a bad person and he just lost. Now that I got my heart cured I have seen him and I have been able to keep a distance. We ll see what he has to say if I see him again this Saturday.
Regarding recon now I dream with the day I win a lotto so I can go to one of the célebrity plastic surgeon whom can get fat from my body and tranfer it to my breasts I saw that is been done in beverle hills and boy I was like lady Gaga hahahhahah watching that news on the extra news a few months ago. It is not just a little bit of fat it is an entire boob filled up so no implants bye bye implants. I wish I could get that.
I will let u all know if I do see the ex tmw.
Oh I asked how come he is in twon ? He said he is dropping off his mom at the airport at 3pm so there that is the real reason the guy is in town lol nor that I care but I wish he could have said . Nothing I just miss you hahahhaha nahhh off course not. What an idiot I am
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ladies I just wanted to say when I say I am single cuz I want to be that = cuz all the great man are all taken ha ha ha or they also love men. The truthings is that I feel very tired inside so I have no energy to go on dates and the thought of try man lol cuz let's face it you must think of it as if you are just trying for the few months till it grows into more. Anyway the thought of getting all exited and then maybe getting hurt again just turns me off. I rather be married to my work and my crazy brain which this days is a hand full lol
Yes yes I also do love to still watch romantic movies but that's as far as I go lol
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Enerva - That's how I see it, too - all the good men are taken. :-( Enjoy your lunch date, if you decide to go. :-) It's up to you. Your hesitation is understandable. But, you are still young. After my ex left, I was in my mid-40's, and a man I knew asked me out. I agreed to go out, just to sit and talk. Just like you, I knew I wasn't going to let anything go anywhere, but I figured, well, I'd just finished having multiple surgeries and treatments, and life is short, so why not go out somewhere with someone now and then? It didn't last because the guy realized he wasn't going to get anywhere with me. LOL. But, hey, I got some conversation and some free meals for a while. LOL. So, if your ex-BF pays for your meal, that's even better. ;-) P.S. (I just want to add, I have the same issue with thin skin on the irradiated side, even though I had fat grafting on both sides around the implants.)
Simplicity - I figure that, when they try our patience, it must be because we're good mothers who care. At least that's what I tell myself. LOL.
Jazzy - You had quite a day the other day. Glad to hear your MO didn't cancel his appt. with you. You shared some info I never knew... They actually keep our tumors for 10 years? You're right - who knew?
BB - Hoping today went well for you. Check-in, if you can.
Melp - So then rads are first... okay. The radiation oncologist can clear up your bones first. Meanwhile, maybe the zoladex and femara will help. Melp, I looked at your blog when you linked to it, but just now I looked at your profile. You're so young, and you're handling everything much better than I think I could. You are in my prayers.
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Melb I missed your post. Humm so rad is in the plan now. When will that start? Hope it works.
OK so life guess what I didn't meet my ex lol
He called me around 3:30 pm I was on my way back from class. And he call and ask if I was still in the mood to go grab something to eat. He said he was on his way to drop off his mom and that he was late cause of some trafic. I figured he was no really that excited it seemed the hole trafic thing had already change his minds and then I sense it. So I said oh nooo no don't worry about it if you are already behind schedule we can meet some other time. He then said oh thanks C , I have so much to do I rather just jump back on the high way and head home." So there you go. Like you said he knows he won't be allow to stay in my place so he doesn't not have any mayor motivation to come here have dinner and just chat. Well I am in a way glad again . I am now in my bed tired in need for a nap and I am so over the man that its just as if I can care less.
Hope you are all having a great weekend
I ll nap now this morning it was so hard to get up to go to that dame class lol
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BB - I'm so happy to read your news. The validation alone is great. I hope it works out for you.
Enerva - Sounds like you made the right decision. Good for you. You deserve better!
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Hi ladies- just a quick message as I am just getting back in to town. Really wonderful yoga retreat this weekend.
Unfortunately, I got some bad news this morning about a family member on my dad's side who has passed away yesterday. He has been very ill since last fall, but still. It stings.
BB- I did see the MO, scroll back to read my update on friday!
I am glad you got some support from the judge this go around. Sounds like you had a female judge. They know men's tricks and think they see through the lies easier.
E- I am glad it did not work out to see your ex. Seems like he resurrects you when he is wanting company. I agree with Life you deserve better. Feeling relieved it did not work out speaks volumes?
Hoping everyone else is doing okay.
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hi ladies had a great Sunday my nephew came to spend the day with me lol we had fun he helped me uninstall my bike s batery and we watched the revenant movie lol it was so nice to see him. Yes I am glad it didn't work out to see my ex . Better to leave the past on the past
All ok just studying and ready for another week. It seems days just go by so fast
Hope all ll have a great week
Jazz I am so glad your retreat was good I can imagine; )
Melb sending you lots of strength and hugs
Bb I am so glad this time the judge was on ur side.
Love you all
G night
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