Single life after a mastectomy

cubbie2015

I found Valentines Day sort of annoying when I worked in an office where lots of people got flowers. The funny thing is, I don't even like flowers. They're fine outdoors, but they have such a short life once they're cut, and they don't really do anything but look good. If somebody asked me what I wanted for Valentines Day, I'd much rather go out to dinner or to a movie or something like that with the same money. It was just the reminder that there was no one to send me flowers, if I had wanted them, that was sort of discouraging.

Now I work in a school, where there are plenty of Valentines to go around, and you're likely to get a small crayon drawing from somebody who thinks you're awesome, completey unexpectedly. Which I think ties into your thought, Jazzy. 😊

jazzygirl

When I was younger and working in regular jobs, Xmas parties as a single person and and V-day were never easy to negotiate. It always brought up the question "so are you dating anyone?"

One of my good friends who is traveling right now with a consulting gig pinged me this morning about meeting this evening for a glass of wine. I invited her over so we can just relax, drink eat and visit. Nice fun spontaneous time!

jazzygirl

BB- I won't say the men I have been in relationships with ever really acknowledged V-day. So I have not found it a great holiday being either in or out of a relationship. But awhile back, I told myself to just find ways to appreciate the people in my life who make me feel loved. This weekend is focused on couples and if you are not in one, it is just one to ignore.

The good news is all the chocolate will be on sale next week!

jazzygirl

BB- my skin in dehydrated too, as are my joints, and well, my whole body these days without estrogen. That being said, I am working to drink more water. I bought a new small carafe yesterday at the local co-op and am drinking lemon water all day long as a result. I am glad you are taking good care of yourself.

jazzygirl

BB- if you think the back problems are from the AIs, talk to your MO about Prolia shots. This is what I am doing to mitigate bone loss from the AIs. I hit three years on them next month and have been on anastrazole the whole time, but my MO is switching me to extemene. I am finishing up my anastrazole (probably done with it by end of this month) and have the new pills to continue on with. I think most of the AIs don't really show up with SEs for six months. I remember mine starting about three and by that summer, I had so much joint pain and stiffness. I went on the 1 month vacation on them the fall of the first year, and went back on them after and doing okay since. Don't move as fast as I used to but have adjusted.

My bone density test in December of 2014 had me down 10% with bone loss. The spine was in better shape than the hips. That is when we decided it was time for the Prolia shots. With a year on Prolia, my spine is back to normal and my hip values came up by 6%. It is worth asking about this to help you with any bone loss that could be causing problems for your quality of life. I don't consider being incapacitated by back pain or a hip fracture a good outcome for any of us.

Check the co-pays on it with your plan too. I think you are still on Medicaid, but if you end up on private insurance at some point, those can range widely. My plan last year had me paying $30 out of pocket, this year it is $150 (both gold plans, different companies).

Hoping you feel better soon.

jazzygirl

BB- I thought you had some earlier injuries. I too was slightly osteopenic which makes no sense really as my family has all tall and large boned women. But my mother had osteo, even on hormone replacement therapy, so I suspect a genetic or familial factor at play. My femur heads were really thinning fast and the docs were concerned about that, and thought I should do the Prolia (who wants a broken hip in their mid 50s, or ever really?)

When I was starting the AIs and read about the bone loss and since my MO said I was low risk, I asked if I may have bigger problems from the bone loss and fractures? That is when he brought up the Prolia. He said we would watch the bones for a year and a half and then decide. I pushed on it with the CNP in his absence, and we got it going.

Extemene is the generic for femura. My MO said the SEs on this tend to be less on it vs. the the drugs. I had read that too, but know some folks including you may have the SEs. Anastrazole is tough and he knows I have joint stiffness and foot problems as a result. So he wanted to change it, and I agreed. I am hoping to not have any problems with the change.

I am doing a genetic test called a Breast Cancer Index test that is going to tell us if I need to do more than 5 years. I will find out this summer when I go back about the risk vs. benefit of doing another 5 years beyond the first five. My MO always said I had a low risk due to early stage, no node involvement, Oncotype, etc. He said that is somewhat qualitative based on a person's pathology and staging, but this test is more objective to determine risk and benefit. This assumes insurance will pay for it. My experience with the insurance companies is even if they approve these genetics tests, you have to fight to get them paid. Waiting to see an auth from my insurance company come through, which will tell me if this can be done or not.

Did you ever hear about the job? I know you had mixed feeling about it, but was hoping you would get an offer just so you could mull it over?

I have a huge week at work and must get to bed. Will be off line until I get through this week of kickoff, vendor meetings and dinner, etc. Be well my people.

Enerva

good morning and happy late valentine lol

I was reading caution up.

All ok at my end just crazy busy

Had to change my kitchen focet too . I'll of the suden the hose broke and I had no choice but to go to home depo buy another one and I installed it. It's working ok now. Truth is that when I changed the sink I thought of changing the focet but there was no need now I had to do it . I also have a professional Co coming to do insulation around the furnace s pipes . Just trying to fix a few things here and there so if I get a tenant I don't have to worry

Hope everybody is ok

Today I am off work is some holiday due to family day lol I am so happy I wish I didn't have to work but it's life . I can do much just keep breathing and surviving every week after week.

Bb thinking of you , hope all gets better I admire how you manage with all is happening at ur end.

Jazz is so nice u got to work from home

Hope you get all done.

Love you all

I had a msg from milky she is doing fine just busy with her kids and divorce

Hope all the rest are good.

Melb son ding you hugs and lots and lots of strength

Enerva

bb the bad manager has been busy bulling the new kids lol so he doesn't bother me much these days.

I want to move April 01.

Pm your email so I can send u a link to my apt so u can see the listing

Let me know when ever u have time I can give u a call so we can caught up

jazzygirl

BB- the extemene is actually Aromosin generic, not Femura. Sorry, too many drugs, not enough fun!

jazzygirl

BB- if your doctors have indicated you have true limitations with working, can you apply for social security disability? It would at least give you some income for now and then as you get these problems worked out, you will be in a better place to make a living. Maybe talk to a SS atty? I had friends who had to go through applying 3X before they got approved, so it is not easy. You have the medical documentation to suggest that you really are unable to do anything FT with the physical issues.

My doctor said aromosin has less impacts to the bones. I remember reading less SEs on this one, it is steroid based vs. the other two. We will give it a try and see if it change anything. I just pray I don't go through what I did starting the other one to begin with, but if I do, I will just go back to the anastrazole. I think he is trying to get some relief to my foot problems and also the bone hits.

We had our project kickoff yesterday and long day with the vendor on site and with dinner last night. I am in need of exercise and going to make that a focus after work tomorrow.

E- I know you are staying super focused on the leasing of the apt and the move. Sending you love and energy to get through all you need to do.

Good to hear the boss has someone else to bother now. The leopard does not change their spots, they just put their focus elsewhere with time.

Melp- just thinking of you tonight and wondering how you are dong?

Cubbie, Life, Lilly, Simplicity and everyone else here, wishing you well friends

jazzygirl

TGiF my people. What a week and I am not done yet, but am home this morning. Already been to the dentist by 7 a.m. and have a derm apt this afternoon. And work in between! Back to the normal "running" that goes with the self employment world. That being said, I am doing okay and handling it for the most part!

This weekend is tax weekend focus for me and my business, how about you folks?

Our weather here has been incredibly mild for three weeks. Feels more like April than mid February with temps up in the 70s this week. Very unusual for this time of the year and the trees look like they want to come out, but way to early for most of them. I spent some time in the yard and gardens last week and will do more tomorrow. Spending time outdoors and with the yard makes me happy.

27 Heart- are you still with us? I hope you are doing okay? Are you still going through treatment?

Melp- I think of you every day and sending you love and comfort across the miles.

Hoping everyone else is dong okay here at the end of the week.

jazzygirl

BB- what is going on today?

I found myself making dumb mistakes in front of my project team today. My friday's are supposed to be "non-client" days, but we have a project call on Fridays and my client is gone for 10 days so I am stuck with doing the calls on top of everything else. Ugh, I did not like the way I felt today on that call, but told myself I need to lighten up and know I am doing the best I can. Some days I am my own worst enemy!

I simplified my day today telling myself I was just exhausted from the big push the past two weeks and kickoff meeting and to let go of some things that don't have to get done today. That made it a bit more bearable. Then I went across town to the dermatology spa to get a consult on my skin on a lasar treatment and made an apt for that (not until the fall because they are booked out until July at this point and summer won't be good to do this). Also made an apt for my annual derm visit to look for any signs of new skin cancers. I felt better after doing that because that is what my Friday's are supposed to be for!

jazzygirl

BB-do I have crap? Every day, all the time, and from every direction. You are not alone in these experiences friend.

I get crap from the doctors offices that don't do their work right, and then I end up with bills I should not have to pay. My most recent story on that was the dermatology center where I got a bill from them to pay a 2014 co-pay they said I never paid. I keep a detailed list of my out of pocket expenses ever since my medical crisis, and found I had paid it and found the receipt and sent it to them saying, yes I did pay and here is the verification. Then a bill back saying "oh well we credited that for your 2015 visit, you still owe for 2014." Okay, so co-pays go towards your deductible EACH YEAR, and charging them to the wrong year impacting my out of pocket? They got audited by BSBC, so changes are they are being watched. I paid the balance given I have my next derm apt but will be on top of their billing stuff going forward.

I got crap from the car dealer who did not fix my car right like 2-4 times, until I made the men stand under it and watched them find the leak in front of me, and said "you will fix this right now and for no additional cost."

This week, I am trying to track down a shipment of coffee that was sent and supposedly delivered to a secured PO locked box here in the neighborhood, but never got it? I was home yesterday and was able to talk to the carrier and she said she did not even remember delivering me a package in the past few weeks. So it went to someone maybe, but not me? Anyways, I put in a claim on the insurance, and going to hopefully get the money back I spent, I hope. It may take awhile.....

So yes, people are incompetent and it creates a lot of work for us. That being said, I sort of expect it at this point having taken care of things on my own for a long time. I think it is getting worse with time?

Couple things about the bills- is the dexa scan not being covered? Are they wanting you to pay? I know my last insurance would ONLY pay for it every two years. Given the Prolia shots, I wanted to be sure I had one after the first year to continue so when they told me it may not be covered, I asked how much it is and it was nominal so I agreed to pay for it. In the end, BSBC paid for it given the Prolia and confirmation needed to do the shot in January. I just had to pay the $30 co-pay. You may want to check your coverage be sure you know how often they will pay for it. The frequency around the payment won't change for bc patients like us (sigh).

Second thing about the gym, if you cancel a membership with anything using a credit card and they keep charging you, you tell the CC company that you canceled your membership and dispute it. No payment to the people who are charging you. The only way to get some people's attention is to cut of the flow of money? I am going to probably be changing gyms soon myself, so this is a good reminder for me as well to watch for something similar to happen. I have had to put the membership on hold in the past, but the gym is not as good anymore, thus anything could happen.

About the skin laser, I had done aura laser in the past to remove brown spots on my face. It worked pretty well, but there were still a few areas that never got cleared up. I also have more spots along the side of my face where they were removed before, but not as bad. The new treatment they have they said is better, and I pre-purchased one treatment last fall and will see how it does for me. There is a chance I may need another, but she said 1-2 max.

Fractional laser

I hope you can find something nice to do today. How is your mom doing?

jazzygirl

BB- I am glad to hear your mom is doing okay. Has your sister been up to visit lately? When you have your own health issues, it is hard to take care of the elders. And whew on the cyst. I hope her dexa goes okay too.

I had a saliva test years ago for estrogen, when I went to see a CNP after being fed up with a gyn here in town around some fibroid issues. I think I remember being told I was "estrogen dominant" and then she put me on the hormone creme with had some progesterone to balance things out. I later found a gyn I liked, and we continued on those in 2011 when my period stopped that November. I believe the western docs don't believe in hormone tests because they say it can fluctuate so widely. I do remember having to pay for the saliva test out of pocket? I guess my thought process is that if my cancer has stayed away, it's working?

Also BB, I will not chase people for connection anymore. I have friends who will reach out and we find time to get together, but when people don't initiate or follow through, I loose interest quickly.

I went to a fundraiser tonight and had a better than expected time. I never cease to be amazed by some of the interesting things people are doing in this city.

Time to relax and lots to do here at home tomorrow and with taxes. I hope everyone had a decent day and has good sleep tonight!

melp27

Hi jazzy im doing ok at the moment. Just moved house into a much nicer house. Still on the same treatment the zoladex and femara.

jazzygirl

Melp- I am glad you are doing okay, It also sounds like you are in a better setting? I am so glad to hear this. I hope you feel settled in and can relax in your new space. Sending you warm my our continent to yours.

jazzygirl

jazzygirl

BB- I am doing a sunday night meditation and yoga class at a studio here and find I really miss it when I cannot go. It is a 30 min meditation with a couple who focuses on Deepak Chopra's work, and then we break and do a nice evening yoga practices. Helps me to go into the work week in a better frame of mind. As you and I have talked about, organized religion is not for me but know it helps many.

Have you looked into any yoga classes through your are cancer centers? Sometimes those places have resources available for both meditation and yoga? Might make you more comfortable to do that in a community of other sisters who have gone down the same bc road? My BS office posts a yoga class for bc patients. I actually want to become certified to teach yoga to those recovering from treatment some day. Not yet, but some day.

I have multiple calendars and they are not always in sync. I try to have a calendar if front of me before I book anything. I cannot trust my brain to remember things like it used to? Thanks AIs!

Enerva

holy I need to catch up. Seems my weeks go by and I am exhausted Sunday is the only day I am free to myself. I decided to go get my feet donde give myself some TLC last time was like a year ago I just do it myself but those ladies are just the best. I always regret I never took the course of nails. I always thought it was such a great course for my self and to make some extra cash here and there lol well I am so cheap I just want to do my own it hurt to pay $40

I brought food all week to work so I didn't even buy a coffee trying to bugget cuz next month I ll pay two places my condo plus the rental but then today paid 40 for my feet and then 140 at the supermarket I feel like we work so hard and $ just go through my hands and never stay in my pokect.

So next Saturday is my last computer class .exam and is over. I am glad cuz waking up early Saturdays for 2 1/2 months has been hard on me. I am now taking word 2013 on wed nights and I ll start excel I on Monday nights . Slowly I ll finish a few course which I should have taken long ago. I use the programs daily but I just know basic and it is so important to have the knowledge. Also trying to study for my real state exam which I fail and I realized I forgot all about it. I hope I find a tenant soon too. All is a big stress but I am happy to move and get out of this place which is too expensive for a single income .

I bought vitamine e today. I forgot to tell you all that it is helping me a lot. It's just a very slow process but it works I have been using it for 3 months and the huge scar has gotten very small now .still goes purpura color and hurts but is way better now. Here is a picture . It is the final line were internal stich were dine and never disolved.

It right under my right boob so the bra bothers me a lot . But I wanted to share so in case u guys have vitamin E . Just brake 1 capsule every night and aply to your scars it takes months to see results but it works.

Bb pm me ur email.

Jazz pm ur # let me know if u guys feel like chatting on the phone sometimes is easier to call

Love u all

jazzygirl

E- I would love to chat sometime but I don't have an international calling plan, so I would be nailed with the overage fees.

Enerva

Lol jazz I can call u anytime I get phone cards

Well I just finish study g for my computer class. I will do some math now for my other exam. I had a good day overall I hope you all have an amazing week. I know is not realistic but let's be positive hoping for better days for all of us.

Love u all

Enerva

Hi ladies. Hope all ok it's been a crazy week snowing here again today . I ll try to organize my taxes this weekend after my class .I need to print a few more receipts and yesterday got the t4 my job. I must be honest I hate doing taxes

I want to take a course but it's offered I'm may .kind of late

I am glad Feb is over soon spring ll be here 4 all off us

I didn't exercise this past week n already feel I lost the effort I put in last month

Still hoping to find a tenant.

Yesterday the condo corporate check the furnace pipes which ll be insulated hope they do it soon.

Sending u hugs keep warm

jazzygirl

E- It snowed here this week after a mild few weeks, but is warming up again. I look forward to spring here too. In the US, we have daylight savings in a few more weeks and look forward to evening light.

I can relate about the exercise stuff. Although I have been walking and doing yoga, I have not been to the gym in a month! I got fed up with it being overcrowded and waited until things calmed down with the new year resolution folks. I did finally go last night for a short work out and still pretty busy, but will work to resume. Weekends seem better over there, it is the Mon-Thurs crowd that you have to juggle.

My work is insane this week. I will leave it at that.

Hoping everyone else is doing okay.

melp27

hi all

Doing ok at the moment. Still on hormone treatment and my bloods are good

Still feeling a bit fatigued during the day but apart from that good.

jazzygirl

Melp- it is always good to hear from you. You sound like you are doing better. Good to hear the treatments are helping you and that you feel mostly okay. That fatigue is a tough one, I remember well.

i am hoping you can get to the spa one of these days to use that gift cert. I am going tomorrow to get my old achy feet worked on.

Enerva

Hi ladies hope all ok

I finished my Saturday class yahoooo

At least one down.

I am exhausted but I must go out to bring a reclining chair to my nephew I ll not have room for it and is still like new .I bought it for mom to watch TV

I am happy I kept a nice doly I got a few years back and now is very helpful

Lol

How is everyone?

I got so upset yesterday cuz I found out that my benefits at work are now only basic Aparently when I came back to work they say I has a window open to re enroll and that i never did so I became basic insurance. I am so upset I used to pay for additional % for critical illness and now I am decline all cuz they said I did not act on some email they so say they sent me (

I am so disappointed now if I get sick I ll get 35% of my income for short term or long term no that I want to get sick but u all know how we feel about our future (

It is so insulting that we are labeled as no insurable due to our privious illness ((

Enerva

Morning how are you all doing . Is the only day I got to sleep till 8am and I needed so bad.

Last night I watch a show called suit and it was so unreal or real o don't know how lawyers world is but wow. If it is like that show lol

Well I ll have breakfast then clean and do laundry all the fun things I only do on Sundays

Hope you are all ok

jazzygirl

BB- I am so very sorry about the problems going on with your son. I know the mental illness support in this country is not good, and your son struggling like so many. The ER won't turn him away if you feel you can get him there or to go there?

Enerva- you sound very tired with all you are doing. I am like you, doing laundry and all the rest that goes with weekend duty.

Have you talked to Milky in awhile? I have not seen her here in a long time.

I have been super swamped with work and trying to keep up with the rest. Feast or famine in my world. Trying to catch up again this weekend. Life is a constant state of keeping your head above water and/or digging out, it seems?

Life, Melp, Lilly, 27Heart, Simplicity and everyone else, I hope you are doing okay.

cubbie2015

BB, I'm sorry to hear your son is struggling again. The lack of mental heath services in this country for those who most need them frustrates me to no end. We're pretty fortunate in our area that we have a not-for-profit agency that takes uninsured patients on a sliding scale.

I have been reading, but not posting much these days. There just seems to be so much to think about. I've been working on cleaning out stuff in my house. So far I've sent 8 boxes of books to the library for their used book sale, and sent a half dozen boxes of clothes and odds and ends to donation. Also, my doctor has started me on a medication for anxiety. I made an appointment for next weekend to get my haircut for the first time since September. I guess I don't know what to do about anything these days, from my hair to my house.

jazzygirl

BB- I am glad he is staying with you. I don't expect this will be of any comfort to you, but sometimes when things get really hard, I remember to hard times before where I had to draw strength to tell myself I could get through what was ever before me. May you find that remembrance and lean on that strength during this time. I hope your son is doing better soon. Wishing you better days, sister. Hugs.

Cubbie- you sound like you are feeling a bit lost in the post treatment world. I remember thinking how it would all go back to normal after I finished, but it is very different after. And no one prepares us for this. Our bodies are different, our emotions are different, I know for me I questioned everything very deeply about all the whys that went with the dx and everything else in 2012. And in many respects, we really don't get to process much until after. I felt like I lost my internal compass. I will say that did happen once before after my brother died, but I felt really pretty lost for awhile after I came out of treatment.

People shared it with me here and I will share it with you, it takes awhile to find your bearings again. Simple things like getting a hair cut, or de-cluttering (seems like all of us do that here for some reason). Something about getting back to routine or creating new ones helps. Can't explain why but it did. Just being able to grocery shop, pay bills, get a bit of exercise, do my work was enough for me for a long time. I was not very social for a long time. I am still not as social as I used to be, but I am okay with that too.

There is a de-cluttering thread here if you want to join that at some point. Seems like we all go down that path after treatment. The desire to simplify and lighten our load after all that has been.

Hugs sister and wishing you better days too.