Single life after a mastectomy
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hey all.... Busy preparing the house etc for my pending surgery... It's going well. One thing I'm stressing about is who I want to take me/be there for me when I wake on the big day. I don't want a friend... And my mom isn't someone I want there either- both will be great in the recovery process, but it's an entirely different emotional entity for me when it comes to surgery... The only person I keep thinking about and wanting there is the ex-boyfriend. He said today that he wants to do it... That he would be there 100%, but with his mental health issues (suspected schizophrenia- untreated)... It's very exhausting at times having a relationship with him(the reason I ended things), and I worry he won't handle it well emotionally as much as he wants to. I feel like part of me is saying to myself to cut all ties and not want him in my life- even as a friend... But the other part of me really can't see myself getting through surgery without him holding my hand and being there when I wake. I'm so stressed.
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Thanks ladies. there is a whole group of us not just her that im friends with. If i let her go i would be loosing a whole group of friends that havent done anything really bad to me
loose more good friends just because of one bad apple?? she's the spokesperson for the group because the others cant come to me themselves and tell me their issues with me. I think thats guttless!! she says she is only speaking for herself but i dont believe that.. have trouble making new friends so thats part of why i find it hard to let go because we've known each other more than 10yrs. I do agree im more compassionate towards others than what i probably should be. It's not in my nature to be selfish. But cancer has taught me alot and I have been selfish but not in who i have as friends. its so sad my online friends have helped me more sometimes than those who live in the same city!!!
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HopeFloats; I fixed myself a little corner with a side of the road recliner (in good shape, just needed a cleaning). Not sure what to tell ya on who to bring with ya. Just try not to bring anyone that will add stress.
Melp, I know what you mean. I let a whole group of friends go. Because of one basically. I've always been a loner. Hasn't been easy thou, going through this. Same here with the online friends. It has nothing to do with being selfish, imo. It's about taking care of you first. Emotionally, physically, and mentally.
*sigh* I already used all the gauze I had. Have to go buy more this morning. Have to change dressings twice a day. Everything is looking much better but a couple areas are going to take a bit to heal.
Follow up tomorrow morning. E is taking me. Trying hard to accept the way things are with him. Just is going to be what it's going to be. His DS isnt making things easier. But no relationship is going to be without it's issues I suppose. I'm still taking a few steps back, assessing, biding my time.
Hope all have a great day. Must go shower and get ready to go to pharmacy.
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bb- yeah i havent seen her for nearly a month now anyway. Feel like I keep having to grovel to her. She's posting all over facebook playing the victim. Like "when i say what im angry about i get labelled as a big bad person!" like shes not taking any responsibility for her part in making me nearly physically sick this morning thinking about how bad the situation is. She is actually saying " show me that this time being friends hasn't been a waste." Just because im younger she thinks im less like a friend and more like a little sister to her which is crap!!
I really dont know whether to cut her off completely or just become acquaintances.
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Hope- the question you need to ask yourself about your upcoming surgery is this "who can I depend on to get me there, get me home and ensure I have what I need as I settle in?" I a very independent single woman in her mid 50s, and don't have much family left (those I do have don't live her and aren't much help in times of trouble), I depended on various friends at various times for support. Some were good and others were not so much.
My experience with support during treatment is that anyone with other stuff going on (depression, anxiety, other health issues, etc.) may have that take over the situation in a time of stress. Their intentions may be the best, but you may find you are trying to manage him and not being able to focus on yourself. What you really need most are people who can show up to help you get through the process. If your ex wants to help, tell him you might want him to run some errands for you while you are at home. It is okay to give people assignments you think they can actually do for you. It is also okay to say "here is what I need help with, could you do any of these things for me?" That way you control the process, not them. The benefit of knowing his situation will allow YOU to decide what you need and what chance he has to really help you. The desire to help and the ability to deliver are two very different things.
From my own personal experience, I had friends who were great at doing what I needed them to do. Others could not deal very well, and did find myself in that situation more than once. My most obvious example is a friend who was helping me during rads treatment, and had her anxiety take over and BP spike. Suddenly I found myself in a situation where I was expected to be listening and supporting her, vs. focusing on myself. At one point., she seemed like she was looking for me to take her to the doctor! I thanked her for her help and said I was good, and released her to go take care of herself. She is an old friend and a good one, and will say I did not totally see what happened coming.
So try to choose the most dependable people you know. That is who you need right now.
Melp- the more I hear about this woman, the more I dislike what I am hearing. I do understand that you don't want to loose the other friends in the process of reducing your exposure to this woman. Ask yourself what YOU want? If you don't want to loose the other friends, just say you would appreciate them individually reaching out to you to have a connection. That group things can be overwhelming to you and you would prefer individual connection over group things. That take the issue of her out of the conversation so she cannot spin it back to herself. This is WHAT is most helpful to me at this time. Unlike our family, we DO choose our friends and if she cannot be a friend, she needs to go on pause to at least start, and maybe the others will reach out? Anyone who plays victim around a cancer patient has a big problem of their own they are not dealing with. Maybe you are not ready to let it go, but you can at least reduce your exposure to her nonsense?
Simplicity- sorry things are so up and down for you. I found with time, it became clearer to me about what relationships I wanted vs. the ones I needed to let go of. I am almost 4 years out from my original dx and will say that I made no decisions about this at the time of treatment, because I have learned through other situations, not everybody can go through things with you. I had friend who was great about many difficult things, but she was really unkind to me during cancer treatment. Another friend made a good point to me "what if it comes back, do you want to go through that with her all over again?" Touche. Maybe some of those family members need to be dealt with in small sound bites?
I personally think some of the hardest part of going through cancer is dealing with other people. These days, I get the "oh you are all done with that now" and as we know, we are never really done with this. I have stopped explaining that to people too.
My friends are here and gong to make breakfast for them before I head to work. Wishing everybody better days with the people stuff. People can be ALOT of work!
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yeah thats what i would like to do jazzy. I have blocked her messages on facebook but not unfriended her on there as yet.
Yes her husbands father has prostate cancer (dont know what stage) but she brought up that he has cancer like i was saying mine is worse than his! Well it is!! prostate cancer does kill in some cases but how am i supposed to know that?? I have never had anyone in my family with that type of cancer..
Haven't seen her in a month face to face. If i do reach out to the others in the group they may just tell me what they think I want to hear as they think i cant handle blunt people and bluntness in general because im so sensitive. which is true I am but still... feel like they are of the same opinion and they are all on her side.
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yeah- logically speaking I know I should have a friend or my mom take me to the hospital and be there when I wake.... But I REALLY don't want to. The only person I feel comfortable being scared around and opening my eyes to- is him... And that sucks.
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hope I am not sure what to say but I do understand not wanting close relatives there . I love my relatives but they can be very stressful at times sometimes a stranger can be more partial .
Maybe he ll be able to handle it but maybe have a plan b in case he doesn't?
I remember my last surgery I had a friend drive me to the hospital and another one pick me up lol she didn't even park I told the nurse my friend was downstairs and I was lucky they released me so I walk all alone to the pickup area and there she was hahaha haha
I amazed myself how I got through the last surgery all alone . But the bxm my dear sister was here and she was in the hospital the 6 hours it took and my nephew and her drove me home . My sister came from vzla with one of the boys who is now in cancun. They were great they drove my car and we made it home. Been alone is hard when going through surgery. So pls have plans b cuz you will need someone no matter who someone strong must be there to give you support.
Melb yes I tell you something else I am so done with friends that front time to time I close the face book I disable it and months go by till I activate it back lol I made it so no one can write on my wall or coment by privacy settings so I am able to view others but no one can make stupid comments in my wall . I limit myself to like lol
I am so so sorry this lady have such heart. But you know what u said is so true the ciber ladies have also been there for me way more than real people. Specially people from my work place they have evil hearts .when I came back to work I found out wile I was gone sick they were speaking bad on my back and I was chocked cuz it takes evil to speak bad about someone who is fighting for their lives . Those same ladies acted so fake towards me it was very obvious I didn't understand why were they been so friendly then another lady told me is guilt they trashed you when u were gone. Basically they took credit for my work in a huge project and blame all issues on me etc. My clients told me all that went on . So ya I learn there is evil people who they just were born with a black heart and I keep my distance from them.
You ll be OK without her and the rest they ll not go away . If any of the others do go away them they were no good so let them go too slowly by keeping some distance . I personally don't like much the Facebook thing. To much sometimes
Simplicity girl u are amazing how u are handling all specialy with E. I have no idea how u go girl but you too focus on you. This is the hardest process recon recovery but day by day it ll all be OK.
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is I met him for coffee today- first time seeing him in 3 weeks. It didn't go well. I was crying, he was annoyed and the whole thing was awful. I wish I hated him so I could just walk away. Not sure who I'll ask at this point... I have had a hysterectomy, a tummy tuck and a breast reduction, all 2 yrs apart, and the later 2 surgeries 100% alone. The breast reduction was me solo in a condo with nurses driving me home and checking on me first night- and then solo for 10 days after with zero help until I flew home from Nevada to Canada. I became an expert at drains lol. So I almost find comfort in managing my post surgical care with little to no help. My ex will have my kids from day before surgery through the 25th. And then once they are home I will probably want a bit more help. I hate this part of not having an automatic go-to person for tough time
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Hope- well that is unfortunate about seeing your ex and not having any emotional support during your time together. I guess you got your answer about him helping yesterday. It is just better to see sometimes that the people we would like to help us are unable to for any number of reasons. Even though you have decided to not continue a relationship with him anymore, it is clear you still have feelings for him. But he really does need to take care of his own health issues, and you need to focus on you.
It sounds like you have already gone through a lot of surgeries on your own, so leverage what you know. I had a ruptured appendix and a TAH in Oct 2012 and the breast surgery six weeks later. I had friends who got me to and from apts, others who got me out once a week when I could not drive to be sure I could get food. Who were the people that have helped you in the past when you needed it? The proven friends are who we need most during times of trouble
E- I don't care for FB as much these days either. The last year has been filled with many political rantings and also been getting hit up by people to buy stuff through their little side businesses. Or better yet, how about hosting a purse party jazzy? I use FB to stay in touch with a few folks who don't live in my town and to post pics from trips, the garden, etc. I try to keep it lite, but people do have their own agendas......
Melp- another thought for you about the friend/not friend situation. I have learned time and time again that there are people who want friends, but have no interest to be a friend. This woman in your circle of friends may be such a person. Rather than stressing yourself out about what to do if you are unsure, if you put her on "pause" for awhile and see how you feel when she is not around, it may help you to know what you want to do. With a couple of the people I ended up letting go after dx and treatment, I found I did not miss them. It made it easier to just let it go when I was ready. Trust how you feel around other people, it speaks volumes.
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hope I wish you were closer to me
Yes thus ducks you do need plan b.
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Good afternoon friends- busy and stressful week at work so I am in a room taking a break. My convertible crapped out on me last night in the driveway and am worried something may have happened with picking up some bad gas. I filled up last night and it has some of the symptoms of such, but could be other things too. I called the dealer today and am having it towed in tomorrow to be looked at. Last thing I needed during a busy week, but so it goes with car problems and health issues. They never come at a particularly good time, do they?
BB- I hope your atty apts go well today and you can get a sense if there is any real chance of getting something out of this situation. Your ex sounds like he has worked the system by leaving the country and avoiding whatever commitments he made when you ended your marriage. It is so unfortunate.
My friend who was visiting this weekend just came out of a bad divorce and her ex is still making her miserable. They share an 11 year old child together as well. Men are nasty when they are not getting their way. They were feeling so happy and free on their trip and can see how being away from him is a good thing.
Hope- another idea for you, perhaps you need a couple friends helping you. Sometimes the people who are good as getting you to and from apts are not the ones to give us the emotional support we need. I certainly saw that with some of the friend who stepped up to help me with the rides, errands, etc. but were not that interested in hearing any of the emotional part. That is where I just told myself to take what they could do, and not look for the rest.
Do you have a close girlfriend that you can talk to about anything? Maybe she can be there with you for an overnight when you first come home? They usually recommend that after surgery anyways. One person for rides, one for comfort. I had friends who helped with errands too. None of this is an easy ride, so people who can be there for us are the ones we need to move towards.
Must get back to work and know everyone here has something going on so best wishes to all for better days!
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Good morning all. Just thought I would say hello.
Recovery has improved here. Past couple days have been good. I can pretty much stand up straight, sometimes lol The constant dressing is more of an irritation as its hurting my skin
I switched to paper tape last night but still, ouch.I managed to sleep in my bed until 6am
Then came to my chair until 8:45!! so nice!! I cant sleep on my right side as I have what feels like a rock at the base of my right breast And an area of necrosis on the far right side as well that hurts like a *&$%^.E and I are still broke up, I am taking some steps back (or trying to), biding my time to see how some things play out. Some situations or ways of doing things, I am not willing to be a part of. He's such a great guy. I hate this. Things were so easy for a while, guess it was bound to happen. It's not him nor I, but the adult children and some common friends that are the issue, as I see it.
Anyway, hope all have a great day. Im planning on resting, resting, and resting some more as I feel exhausted today for some reason
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Simplicity- glad you are feeling better and doing better with recovery. Sleep is so sweet when we are not feeling well and need it the most. Has it been 2 weeks now since the surgery?
Sorry to hear about E. He sounds like he has been pulling away from you for awhile, and know that other guy before did as well. I know that move only too well from some of my relationships. People come with a lot of history (I don't like the word baggage because is it is too negative). Other family members, exs, children, etc. We find things out about what works or not as we spend more time with them. Anyways, I know he was on old friend who came back and pursued you, so I hope he can be kind to you and just tell you if this is not something he can do. I feel as an adult, I would rather have someone say that and not be trying to figure out what is going on? Hugs sister. You may want a different type of man after all this anyways.
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Has anyone done the mastectomy and Diep procedure without any help? I had a lumpectomy last year- drove myself to and from the surgery. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I was so upset that I lost 30 pounds in 3 weeks before the surgery. I cried so hard on the way to hospital I wasn't sure I was going in the right direction. I wailed and cried so hard the nurses in the perioperative area thought it might be best for me to leave. The anesthesiologist (a female) told me to stop being foolish or get out! My surgeon knew it was now or never. I started to get up and get dressed to leave but my surgeon and her Three big male fellows came by and physically dragged me into the operating room. I never stopped crying hard. I was so dehydrated they couldn't find a vein. They tied me down to the table as I tried to escape. My surgeon argued with the nurse anesthetist - the nurse anesthetist said if I didn't want to be there I should just go home- the surgeon told her to do her job and knock me out. They found a vein in between my fingers and after the pain of the needle, I think I was out. I woke up after the surgery. And I drove myself home. I am not sure how I will get home after my BMX - no one has offered to help. My family does not want to do anything unless it deals with my death. The only person who has helped in the past will be out of the country. She was out of the country during my lumpectomy. Now I am having a BMX with Diep reconstruction. I need to be able to take care of my drains, get fed and get to the bathroom by myself. I will have to be able to get myself to any doctor's appointments by myself. Anybody do it all alone? I will have to put my dog in boarding but I still need to feed the cat. Not to mention me. I don't qualify for a home nurse so I am all alone.
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hey all- grey, I think you will be able to do it in terms of recovery- so long as you go slow and prepare the house/room well before hand... But the coming/going to appointments and surgery will require help- using the dancer society to arrange transfers is a good idea.
Simplicity- heart breaking for you regarding the stress surrounding E. I have no advice, but offer a hug! Glad recovery is going well though.
As for me, I have a ton of friends and family who have offered to help drive me back/forth for surgery etc but the problem is ME! I don't want any of them to do it. I don't want to feel the pressure of holding it together for them... Or worse yet, NOT holding it together and crying in front of them... It sounds silly I know- but it's how I'm built. I will keep thinking of some options. The ex has seen me at my weakest, so I wasn't afraid to let him see that side of me... But he's not an option- for my own psyche... I will think of something. Worse case, I ask someone to just drop me at the door- I know they will want to come in and wait etc... But this may be the only answer for me to get through it on my own terms.
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Grey- I had two major surgeries in 2012. I could not have gotten through any of it without some level of help. There are many people who don't have a lot of family around, friends have others to care for, etc. BB's ideas of calling the Cancer Society is a great suggestion. Often times the volunteers are survivors themselves and understand how difficult this can be. The kindness of strangers can certainly help you through?
Hope- perhaps that is a good suggestion for you too? If you are worried about how you will feel around others, maybe you need to reach out to the Cancer Society too? Maybe put the other people on call for errand, grocery runs, etc. You have said you are not comfortable having your ex do it, or your friends, maybe this could be a solution as well?
I am trying to slow down today I have been going non-stop for a few weeks with some travel, the work stuff, company in town last weekend, etc. My house was a mess last night but made some good progress getting a start on that last night and in to today. I am going to slip down to the museum for some jazz tonight under the stars on my own.
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Grey I wish I was close to u so I could help . Please contact the cancer society I did here and the volunteer picked me up and dropped me off and drove me home during my chemo treatments I had no one and I was in not shape to take the public transportation I did 3 times and almost fainted at the metro and when I got to the hospital I cry so hard and the nurses gave me the # for the cancer volunteer I had no idea they exist after that I had them do the driving for me all the chemo and rad. I could not have survived without them. They were all survivors which now remind me I must reach out to them to thanks them again. Please Google and find them in your area.
Simplicity just focus on you girl you have been through so much and all the rest ll settled down eventually I had a few hard weeks . Still trying to find a good condo for my client and well no time for me or my apartment but hoping for a good Sunday tmw. Ll get like 6 hours sleep now I am so so tired.
G night all
Jazz hope you had a great weekend
love u girls
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hi all
Still working out what to do about my so called friend. contacted one of the other group members and she said blocking my friends facebook messages was childish! This other lady is so clingy to my friend that she agrees with everything she says. She said "i dont hate you just what you are doing." "She has done so much for you then you go and block her."
Just wanted a break from her negativity thats why i blocked her in the first place! Still distancing myself until things settle down a bit then i might broach the subject with my friend. Im the youngest in the group so my interests arent the same as my friend who is older. Another thing she said was "after 11 years of friendship you should know me better". Thinking well atm ive got more important things to worry about than what shifts she works at her job. Apparently all this rudeness from me started before cancer....her words. Im not being selfish by saying that but she seems to think her issues are bigger than mine! going through this has made me a bit more selfish i admit that but i do still care about others
Grey- hope you can find some help. That is a big thing to go through without alot of support.
jazzy- enjoy the museum!!
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Hi ladies- getting ready to go to the farmers market and then the health food store for some good eats. Our project will be testing early this afternoon so I must get things done and back and ready to get on a call by 1 p.m. today. The fun never stops!
The concert was good last night, a new big band that formed and with a great vocalist here in town. I was tired and crabby yesterday and realized how out of balance things were becoming for me after a very busy few weeks. I was conflicted about going, wanted to but also wanted to get to bed early so I went for awhile and that was perfect. It was one of those days I did not even like my own company, so I did not ask anyone to go, just went on my own, kept to myself and left when I was ready. I went to bed early, slept well and got up to do some yoga on the patio. Today will be a better day I think?
E- how is the new apt coming along?
BB- did you get anything positive from the atty's on Friday?
Grey- I hope our suggestions are helpful to you. How else can we help sister?
Hope- I hope you are able to explore some volunteer support too for your rides, etc.
Melp- so here is what I do when people are too much up into my business and wanting things from me I neither want or can deliver. I call it "creating healthy space" and I do it regularly with my sister, other people who want from me, etc. I am very much in that place right now with having been so busy and people wanting from me non-stop. I hit the wall on that the past few weeks and just told myself enough with a few folks. I have had an older neighbor who has health problems for awhile now, and just at me to be available for her whenever she has a need. I have done some things to help her, but am not her family and cannot be available 24/7. Then I had a fall out with my sister this week after my car broke down and she started pressuring me to come visit (classic behavior to dump expectations on me when I have no bandwidth to deal with anything). My solution? I am just dialing down these folks and stopped communicating with both of them for the time being. I am not my neighbors go to person, and my sister has some stuff going on she needs to work out with her partner.
Something to think about is boundaries. Many people don't have them, so we have to decide what we want to experience or not. BB makes an excellent suggestion with the "I have a lot going on right now" and follow up that up with silence if they come back at you. The people who will get it and want a relationship with you will back off and otherwise, people are showing you who they are. None of this is easy to do when you are not feeling well so do it when you are ready. Relationship issues are some of the hardest part of the bc world.
Hugs sister, remember saying no to others is saying yes to yourself!
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Hi friend-been pretty quiet out here this week. I am having a wicked week at work, but getting through. Dealing with some angry doctors, ugh!
BB- my medical spa called and going to move up my apt from Sept 30th to tomorrow afternoon to do that lasar treatment. Since I am off site with my work Friday and will have most of the weekend to lay low (you have to stay out of the sun for the most part), it should work. Ready to get these residual spots on my face taken care of.
Simplicity- I hope you are doing better each week. Three weeks out now from recon surgery?
E- did your apartment reno work get finished? I hope you are feeling more settled and getting a good night's rest. Hope classes are going okay.
Back to work, hoping everyone is doing okay!
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Evening ladies.
I've been in a couple other threads. Not been a nice recovery. I have abdominal separation or dehiscence. It's nasty and mine isn't bad. I dont have evisceration. Just separation. Pain has been better, easier to manage. My girls are still very lumpy and insanely hard in some areas.
bleh.
Hope everyone is just too busy in a good way to be around.
BB? Melp? Enerva? Life? How are you ladies holding up?
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HI all well I have some good and bad news
Last week one of my nephew who is in cancun got his visa 4 two years now. But today the other kid got rejected so if a set back he ll have to re- apply
I have been trying to give him positive mind but he is definitely sad. Over all I have been going no stop.apt repairs were done but only to a degree but I ll keep at it when I can. I am not up to the challenge short of $ and energy.Sinplicity I am not familiar with your type of surgery but it sounds difficult to recover. Sending you lots of healing thoughts
Bb hope your back is under control
Jazz when ll you download what'sapp app lol
Miss you all
Melb hope u are keeping OK
G night
Found a cute picture to share
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So good to hear from you Enerva. Was wondering how you were. Sorry to hear about your nephew. Is there an appeal process or anything? Why would someone get rejected?
Cute picture!!
Cant sleep. Oldest woke me wth? And I was falling asleep to a nice thunderstorm. *sigh*
I'll get there again soon enough I suppose. I am finally in my bed, for the past 3 or so nights and am sleeping through the night.I cant sleep on my right side still or I wake in excruciating pain. The Dr says he'll take care of my boob rock during stage 2.
Night all.
Hope you all rest well
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hi all
Im doing good atm. Still distancing myself from my friend. Got some advice and they said the longer I leave it to talk to her face to face it may get worse. Write down what you want to say if it helps be less emotional. If she wont do it face to face i can know ive done all I can do. Leave with a clean heart.
physically im good. Got my last expansion so my left breast is now the same as the right!! left still has expander though. Ive seen the gyno about my ovaries and Im thinking it may be the best way is to have them out but im not 100% sure yet.
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Melp- you got some good advice there. Sometimes when people won't listen and will just argue back before you can even finish a thought, a letter, or simple e-mail is the way to go. I encourage you to just keep it simple and not put too much more energy into this person. Everyone is trying to make you put her first, and that is wrong friend. You are the one with a serious health issue. Sometimes saying "I am sorry, I have done what I can but I need to take care of myself as a cancer patient." I know you want the support from this group of friends. I hope they can get their collective stuff together around this and stop creating so much drama for you?
You are learning good boundaries, which we all do need in life! Mine really changed after my cancer diagnosis.
Simplicity- this recon and recovery process has been tough. You had A LOT of surgery with it and abdominal stuff is really hard to recover from. My breast surgeries were cake compared to the open abdominal surgery six weeks before. You keep taking care of you and one of these days, you are going to wake up feeling better. Then more good than bad days will happen. It is a long road out of this crap, so I found out.
E- I have tried to get that app on my phone with no luck. I am going to get a new phone this summer and will try again then?
BB- it's an aura laser. The treatment went okay, must stay out of the sun and in for a few days. It is hot here and we have a wildfire with smoke in the area so fine with me.
Hope our other friends like Hope, and Lilly and Life are doing okay?
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Melp, good to hear from you and sounds like a good way to deal with it. Im not good with friend conflict. Got some going on now that Im trying to figure out how to deal with.
BB, hate to hear of your back pain today/lately. Yep meds for this, meds for that. Ugh Not doing good today. Abdomen is trying to split more
Nothing we can really do but wait, see what it does as long as there no infection. No. E hasnt been around much He had to go out of town on business last week, and has a lot of business issues and issues with his kids going on. Hoping he makes it over tonight. He has been taking me to all my appointments thou. But it seems as far as visiting here, by the time he gets here, he is beat. His business has been picking up even more, topped with all other issues...Yea, the kids have been doing better since I threatened to flash them
Thanks Jazz. Nurse said there was nothing I did wrong and nothing I could have done different. Guess Im looking for some type of..reasoning since all visits prior had good results, then BAM. It hurts and creeps me the hell out dressing it. I can handle other peoples wounds better than I can handle my own.
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6 days til operating day....struggled here and there but I think I'm ok. Talked to a breast cancer psychologist today (offered as part of supportive care at no charge)... She had me make a list of all the people who have offered to help in some way, and provide that list to a friend who I trust. That person will create a data base they will manage for people who are willing to drop off a meal, drive to an appointment or grab the kids for a play date... Or anything in between. Then- when I need help I just let her know, and she rallies the troops from the list. As someone that is a giver and terrible at asking for help, this was a good solution. It felt good to have this plan in place.
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Love that idea HopeFloats!! I'm independent as well and a giver, but a good friend told me that people like to help. It makes them feel good to be able to do things for others-you and I both should know that to be true haha
Reach out when you need to. As Dr Seuss said(?) those that matter won't mind, and those that mind don't matter
Ah BB. Now I wanna know!!
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Hope- wow that is an excellent suggestion to find a trusted friend and have them manage the support around you. Take all the stress and questions away from you. I am going to remember that if I need help in the future (and suspect I will with something). I had 2-3 friends that were great about showing up with things I needed. Everyone else was work!
I am sure you are feeling nervous and I always am a week or so before hand. Having things organized at home and having your support system helps to feel more ready. I always bless my medical team who is helping me as they wheel me in for the procedure. I have a hard time asking for help and also trusting so the whole process of letting go and letting god was hard for me.
You will be on the other side of this soon friend. Then on to recovery and into your life again. Be patient with yourself. It all takes a lot of time. One day at a time right now too.
BB- given your limited quality of life for awhile now, I wonder if they could not petition to get you in for surgery sooner? My neighbor has had terrible problems with joints and her back for awhile, and finally had surgery about a month ago and is doing much better now. A bit of a recovery for her for sure, but it seems to be helping. You need your life back. I would ask them to put in an appeal for the surgery suggestions no quality of life, unable to work, etc. Sometimes they have to hear those words to get it.
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