Single life after a mastectomy
Comments
-
E- well, I hope that they did find someone to take the place over. It sounds like some of those birds have special needs, problems like humans have and would never be able to find home easily. Plus birds require a lot of attention and need people that are around. My neighbor behind me has a parrot and he is quite a squawker when he is outside. They are much like dogs, don't do well being left alone alot. But I know you know that. Maybe there is a refuge around you to have a bird again some day......
I also love the idea of you going down to Cancun to see your nephews. You have been working so hard on so many things, it would be great if you could break away and get down there. If your nephews have a place you can crash, then maybe a good plane ticket and some spending money? You can wear one of your cute crocheted tops.
Simplicity- I am so sorry about how hard this has been on you. The recon has been some of the hardest for you, but none of it has been easy. I hope that you and your man are able to work things out. He sounds very busy with a lot of things. It would be nice if the two of you could do a get away together without the demands of doctors, kids, work and all the rest. Making time for a relationship will help it to flourish.
Thinking of Hope today who had her surgery. Sending warm thoughts for an easy recovery.
0 -
The problem with getting one of those birds is that they will outlive us by far. They can reach 80 years old. If you get a parrot, you had better be in your 20's or make arrangements for who will take the bird when you are gone.
BTW, I volunteer with a horse rescue in Ga www.savethehorses.org
0 -
Lo lid thanks for sharing that I ll love to do.
Even to volunteer for birds too I ll look into that.
I think I ll one day live in a place where I ll have land for a pet . No now
0 -
Libby- that is wonderful that you volunteer with the horses. Loved the web site.
0 -
well, surgery went well. I was first in the OR which was great, and in recovery by 12:15. I opted at the last minute to not do nipple sparing.... But PS was able to place the implants and forgo tissue expanders! YAY
Didn't take any pain meds post-op until 5 hours later when I finally took 1 T3.... I truly didn't feel any pain earlier so didn't- and as a result took til nearly 6 more hours to get in front of the pain! Won't do that again!! Tightness across centre chest is so bad! So far I don't know number of nodes removed but I have full range of (Allowed levels) of motion so far!
Been up walking, havent eaten though. The couple sips of soup around 6 last night came back up immediately! Sounds like I will be discharged this am. 3 drains currently but one will be pulled before coming home (node drain)
I was happy with my decision to go through yesterday primarily alone. Although the nurse liaison who was supposed to reach out to my mom via phone and give her updates- didn't and instead told her I said not to, but to ask she be here when I moved to a unit from recovery!! (Totally opposite instruction!) thankfully I was fine and surgery went well so I was emotionally fine when her head popped in the doorway.... But geesh what a mix up that was!
Texted a bit with the ex- he worried about me and relieved I'm ok- and still wants to pick me up- I'm still thinking about that. Lol- guess I need to decide quick!
0 -
Hope- very good to hear you came through surgery okay. I was vomiting in the recovery room after my surgery so no surprise. Take it easy and the hospital will be sure you keep hydrated through IVs. Wishing you the best with discharge and to be home comfortably. Is the friend who is managing your other friends around this making sure you have support when you get home?
It sounds like your ex really does care about you. With some of the things going on for him, he can't do all he wants to for you sometimes.
0 -
Good morning ladies- I am heading out shortly for errands and a trip to the gym, plus some music under the stars later. Such is my life in the summer here in NM. I love the summer here, although I always miss the shore this time of year having grown up back east. The weather has cooled down with some rain that has moved in off and on and cloud cover today. Today will be a high of 90 which is very do-able compared to the last week or so.
After being chewed up a bit this month on this contract, I am stepping back and focusing on some better self care. My first commitment to myself is to get my body moving more every day. Thursday was weights at the gym, friday was a nice evening walk, today I will swim, tomorrow will be yoga and weights again. I also am going to start riding my bike more which I have said I would do more of. No more excuses, time to do that too.
I also decided I am taking the last week of July off to take care of some things for myself, my home and to go enjoy life. I need a break from this project and these people and just doing it. I need to let my client know a month in advance if I will be out of the office for any reason, so I left her a message to pick up on Monday as she returns. I have three medical apts that week for my 6 month follow up, but also going to take a weekend to go up north to my fav hot springs and stay at a new place nearby I just learned about that is more reasonable to stay at and has jazz in the evenings! I did not think my fav get away place could get any better, but it just did! It will be good to not have to deal with the pressure cooker of that place for that week. I have to have my Prolia shot that week as well and never feel good for a few days after with the achiness. Fun first, other stuff after.
BB- I understand the need not to talk. I feeling much like that on a few fronts right now and just focusing on what I need right now. You do that too girlfriend. Life is hard.
Melp- how are you doing girlfriend? And updates from your apts or anything else going on? Thinking of you sister and wishing you better days.
Simplicity- I hope that you are feeling better this weekend and the incisions are healing.
E- don't study too hard, get outside for some fresh air and sunshine!
Wishing everyone a good weekend!
0 -
day 2 recovery and moved to Advil- all good so far. Came home at noon yesterday...Ex came and brought me coffee this am for a short visit.... Felt good. Moving slowly but smiling. Life is good- I need to find the bright sides. Drains are still out-putting a lot- but that's something I can manage and means they working... I have to remind myself it's only 48 hrs out. The night alone was totally easy. I can do this!
Best news was both nodes removed were negative!!! That sent me home with a smile.
0 -
Nope. Dont sound self centered at all. We've all got our issues
Sometimes helps to know were not alone. Not respond? You loco?
I say this with so much love BB. Go to your sisters!!!! Let someone take care of you!!!!
(I may be missing some background. If so, apologies)
The mind can be an evil thing. Isolation is never an answer. (Coming from an introvert).
I make myself get out, even if it's just the grocery store. Seriously. Sometimes we have to.
Hugs BB. Your vents are welcome here anytime.
Jazz, hope this weekend is a calm one.
Enerva, what are you doing today?
HopeFloats, great news!!! 18/19 were positive for me
Yes try to take it easy. 2 days isnt far out...Hope all enjoy the day. I made myself go to E's last night. I havent hardly been out the past 2 weeks with incisions. Had a nice night, despite the airing of the frustrations regarding our relationship from his kids
So glad its out there. Whew. Lots of pent up anger & frustrations. I invited the convo, btw. I hate festering issues. Bring that thing out here. Lets see it for what it is in alllll its glory lma0 -
Thanks BB. I more vented with E. With his ok, we talked to the kids together. I wanted to give them an open forum, no holds barred opportunity to speak their mind to me, and him, about their feeling regarding us dating. (22g, 23b). After the convo was over, and they left the room, he turned to me and told me he loved me.
I have to do me. I cannot and will not lose "me" in another relationship because some kids don't want me to touch their dogs, or speak to them, or sit on dads couch with him, or spend time with him. Nope. I will say hello when I enter the room. I will engage and ask about their days, their lives. He is a package deal, and so am I....
He thinks it will just take time. That they will eventually come around. It is still fairly new (have to keep reminding myself of that). Since we have known each other so long, it is a hard thing to forget. We just flow. He has been putting his foot down more since before I re-entered the picture. Bad timing. But if we for the perfect time for things....
Ahhh. Yea. Forgot how difficult relationships can be lol I asked him if I did okay? Did I cross any boundaries? He said I did fine. I was calm, cool and objective, acknowledging valid points. That said, I am not going anywhere due to their attitudes, and will call BS when I smell it. E has a lot on his plate, and anyone that's invested in him is going to get frustrated due to the realities of his life. He does a decent job, imo, balancing all he has to balance. He is one who is constantly trying to reach out and help everyone and anyone else, but as soon as he is not available at the drop of a hat. O poo hits the fan.
For the simple fact they love, respect, and trust their father, his adult decisions regarding his personal life deserve respect. Don't have to like me, but you won't disrespect 'us'.
0 -
Thanks BB
That means a lot 0 -
yup Simplicity.... You sound like it was such an important and necessary conversation, and that E respects and loves you and the choices you need to make. Bravo girl!!!
0 -
Hi ladies- been enjoying my Saturday with being out and about, then went to the gym for a good swim. So here is the thing, I stopped swimming about six months ago, cannot tell you exactly why. But today I got back in the pool and did 20 laps and it felt great. I think part of the reason I stopped swimming is because my personal trainer told me I would never loose weight that way. Well, when I was swimming, my weight was better, my whole body was in better shape, and it was exercise I could keep up with even when my joints hurt. Those AIs take their toll as many of you know. She was very helpful with helping me to get my core back with the weights and abs training after the big abdominal surgery, but steered me away from things that had worked for me. She also was not a big fan of yoga, but I never stopped doing that. So I tell myself do what your body can do now. We have not done work together in over a year (she left to move to CA last spring), and during my moving meditation in the pool today, I told myself to let that belief she put on me go now. In the post recovery world, we have lot of people who want to help us but have to know what is right for us too, right? Swimming is and has always been great exercise for me.
BB- when a lot happens at once, as it has to you, you find yourself always ready for the next shoe to drop. I was there through most of my 30s after endless things unraveled in my life. I would say it took the better part of that decade for me to work my way through all the losses. There were many times I thought I would never find my way through. I see very much where you are at with all this, because I have been there and have enormous compassion for how hard things are for you.
Your sister may be right about finding a trauma specialist to help you. I think you know so many women come out of bc with PTSD and more. So much happens to us and continues to happen to us after treatment. Life was hard before, getting cancer only made our lives that much more difficult.
Like Simplicity, I encourage you to take a break. Go to your sisters, allow her to cook for you, make sure you feel some support in your life, help you to find a better resource for all you area dealing with. One thing I have found through the years is that a change of scenery can shift things, large or small. Maybe getting out of your apt and changing up your setting will give you a little something to help you through. It sounds like she really wants to help you.
And I do have a good life and appreciate everything about it. I sometimes have to have reminders to let go of the needs of others and take care of myself. That is where I am at right now and regrouping and that feels good.
Hope- so very good to hear you are home and that the ex was able to help in ways you need. It is so good you are on the other side of this AND you were node negative. That may mean your chemo is up for re-evaluation or did you already have that? Can't remember? I hope you feel relieved to be through this part and with some good news on the node front. You got this sister and are on the mend. Wishing you continued recovery each day sister.
Simplicity- so very good girlfriend about the conversation with E and the kids. They are old enough to realize their father deserves to be happy. I have never had much luck with dating men whose kids were accepting of a new girlfriend. There is always enough love to go around with partners, children from both sides, etc. Hopefully it will be different now and you two can move forward again. Hoping for you sister as I think you really want this guy in your life?
There was another nice person here looking for advice about doing some surgery on her own and without help. I wonder if she is still out here and wants to talk some more with us?
0 -
Thanks Ladies. It really means a lot to be reassured! So much. Yes, Jazzy, I do. I believe my eyes to be wide open, but hoping it's not a binocular view dealing with all I am.
I missed it. HopeFloats, your ex did help? Thats good! Let me scroll up. brb. Aw. That was thoughtful of him!!
About to watch a movie with the kids. E is with his tonight. Special request from DD, so I told him to try hard to get out of the plant on time lol He did
Hopefully she heads home and doesn't leave him hanging. They've both done that before. Is what it is0 -
hi all
I've been dealing with allot of bad thoughts over the past week regarding harming. Very overwhelmed with many things including my cancer. Mentioned earlier that i had to make a decision about removing my ovaries or not. Well after a lot of thinking and praying Ive decided if it will give me a more quality of life im going to get them out. The gyno didn't expressly state that but not having the zoladex every month has to be a positive.
Decided to take a few days out and stay with my mum and stepdad at their farm in the country. Its about 20mins from the town center. Very quiet so I will have time to chill out and not be in my own place all the time every day. My psychologist said I need to be in "wise mind" instead of "emotional mind" where I don't think about consequences of my actions just let emotions rule my decisions. The relief from harming only lasts a very short time and can make one feel even worse. Not just the patient but the family can be impacted by such actions. Shes dealt with others who think about this and it doesnt fix the problem. She told me ways to cope when such thoughts come and how to deal with them.
0 -
Melp, I'm sorry and hate to hear you are feeling so down. This shit is hard. I cannot imagine having to make such a decision. I am glad you have decided to go spend some time at your moms. I think it will be good for you to be around love.
BB, have you decided about your sisters? I wish I had somewhere I could go stay just to be away and have someone tend to me
Tears this morning. Having a difficult time coping. My dehiscence looks really clean and good, but it appears my incision is trying to open more along the incision line
I bled all over my panties. Not thinking, I took out my packing and left the top cover on. Was supposed to head back to work July 5th but thats not going to happen. I have enough time through July 13th, but the Dr isn't sure about that date either. Depends on the healing progress. This chit sucks y'all
0 -
Melp- it sounds like your family and your therapist are helping you through some tough times. The counselor gave you good advice about not acting from emotions. When I am upset about anything, I give myself wait time to be sure the decision I am making is coming from a place of what is best. Feelings are temporary so best to not make decisions from a temporary place. You sort of have to train yourself to see it when it is happening and not make any decisions at the moment. I am a dominant thinker, but when emotions come up like a tidal wave, they can be overwhelming. Yoga and meditation have taught me to just pause and breathe. Have you tried either?
I am glad you have had time to make the decision about the removal of the ovaries. You sound like you have come to a place of understanding the benefit to it. Keep us posted on when your surgery is and we will be in your pocket. We care here.
Simplicity- I just read your note on FB on your group there and you are having a super hard time with everything sister. Sending you healing energy and much love today.
BB- I hope your son is doing okay for the moment. That must be very hard on top of all the rest.
Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers for better days my single sisters.
0 -
bb- not when i was first diagnosed seeing as i dont have a partner and my cancer was agressive. Getting rid of the cancer was first priority at that time.
jazzy - yeah it is good to be around family atm.
0 -
I am going to see an a guy friend this weekend who is loosing his battle with brain cancer. We worked together about 15 or so years ago and saw him last fall last. Kept in touch and saw wonderful photos of him walking his daughter down the aisle this winter at her wedding.
Been talking to this same daughter the past few weeks and today she told me he is going on hospice this week, and they are devastated. He has been blessed to have two great daughters to help him through all this. This will be a very hard visit, but the right thing to do.
Cancer sucks.
0 -
Thanks BB, I know it will be hard and giving myself space after that to just process whatever comes up. I expect to be crying the whole way home and just going to have the box of tissues by my side.
0 -
On a brighter note, here is one of the last blooms from the cacti in my garden.
0 -
So sorry to hear that, Jazzy. Hugs
0 -
hi hi so much to read here
Jazz so sorry for your friend and his family. Be strong friend and yes it ll be a sad road home
I had a good visit up north the past weekend . Also something really weird happened .
My ex showed up and invited me to go see a property he is thinking of getting once his project kick off. At first I said no but then he told me it was just 7 minutes away from where I was at his sister so I went and it was so beautiful it's a property with a river and all I was so please to see it. He talked and talked about his plans and I saw he is very excited about his project .he has meetings with investors from USA and it seems he will do well this time. I told him I am happy for him. After that his sister kept telling me all he is planing on doing etc etc. I felt a bit weird cuz they were kind of telling me and I was not sure what was the intend of all lol but it was a nice visit and he did not bring the past to the conversation so it was OK like friends just hanging out. After dinner he left and I stay at his sister with the girls it was such a nice visit. Very weird in deed. Driving home I could not help to wonder wow life is so different now.
Anyway I am back to reality waiting to hear from another job I apply to. Lol and hoping to study this weekend for my next exams
I ll go back and read all your post now.
Here a few drawings I did
0 -
wow so much has happen .simplicity I am happy for you having the conversation with e and the kids. Very nice
Melb I am sorry u have to make those choices I was in your situation with my ovaries but once my Gen test said negative I told my Dr to f off .I just could not handle getting on that table again I am sure it was no so wise of me but I was mad and I felt so good telling the Dr off lol I am brutal ignorant when it comes to dealing with Dr.
Hope I am happy u were able to go home with your nipples and negative nodes results yayyy that is wonderful news. One of my node was positive and hopefully rad killed what ever was in it I don't really know now. But so far so good.
Bb I am not sure about u going to ur sister but it may be a good idea ?
It is very hard to be all alone
I wish lotto comes our way tonight I got 2 tickets
I am positive one day I ll get a price lol
Love u all hopefully all have a good night sweet dreams
0 -
E- that is very interesting about your ex, the sister, etc. Sounds like a big sales job to me, like everyone is wanting to share his newest idea to make you think he is successful and someone you should want again. The problem is, he does not get it that you are not looking for that, it is about the way you want to be treated. You have your own job, place to live, etc. My guess is that the sister really likes you and may see you as good for him and/or as stabilizing for him. It is too hard to try to keep it together for two people, doing it for one is hard enough!
My first serious relationship was like this E. That guy came around 15 years after we broke up trying to get back together with me as his marriage was unraveling. His family got involved too and always said I was "good for him." He showed me very quickly once again that he was still not a nice person, and never had my best interests in mind. Filled with put downs and insults. I was so grateful he came back to remind me why I ended it to begin with. Women don't leave relationships because things are great, right?
Seeing a property, hearing about his new ideas, wishing him well, and going on your way was perfect.
Love your sketches, are you still working with the stones too? You had a good start on that recently?
0 -
oh jazz yes lol I also felt like they were selling a product ha ha ha
Well I got all my supplies for the stones but no stones lol I must go to the lake I used to walk around I ll try this weekend to use my poles again I so miss that walk .
Yes the drawing I also love so I ll keep in mind to take a class for fun .
0 -
hi all... Sounds like everyone is having a busy and productive week... Filled with tough conversations with those who are loved!
Still home... Drains came out yesterday but he was concerned I may get a seroma so lots of laying around doing nothing since I overdid it for sure the first couple days home.
As an FYI... I didn't preserve my nipples- they came off. I wasn't a huge fan of them after my reduction in 2011, so it wasn't entirely traumatic- but I will definitely be adding additional steps to reconstruct them. I had a lot of "side boob" that looks ridiculous now... Going from a DD to a B (650 cc implant was inserted at BMX) so surgery in 6 months to shape, sculpt and fat graft is still coming... And then maybe I will feel better about my Frankenstein body.
I ordered supplies from Amazon to start painting mandala stones! They are gorgeous and will be a great way to slow me down and meditate on something... I can't wait for them to arrive, though I'm sure it will take some practice before I share and pics lol! But now I will walk looking for stones that will work nicely!
0 -
Good morning Hope- you sound pretty good after the surgery and good to hear the drains are out. Hopefully you won't get any seromas, I had them with my double lumpectomy (no drains), but with time, much has settled down on that front. Do you have good support during this time with the friend who is coordinating things with your network? I hope you continue to feel better every day.
Woke up to t-storms and rainbows this morning!
0 -
Thanks Jazzy! Love the rainbow!! Any tips on not getting a seroma? I have a thigh sports bra on, and am laying down with minimal arm movements as much as possible.. But anyone else have some secret tips?
Play dates for the twins have been the biggest support so far, which has been great and allowed me to rest. They have gone out every day this week, so they aren't bored or simply taking extra time in front of the PS4 or TV... So for that I'm thankful. I was doing the cooking etc, but then Tuesday I realized I was over doing it and my mom came over and cooked dinner- last night we had leftovers lol. lots of my friends have cabins and summer homes where they are heading now that kids are out of school, so less people around- but im sure people will step up if needed. Thinking that will be more so during chemo.
0 -
hope me too I am waiting on amazon lol plus I need rocks I ll try to find some this weekend by the lake
I am on my way to class and I am supper tired
Hoping this day ll be over soon
Sending u all hugs
I also wish I could have fat grafting but not an option my ps is brushing me off he can't care less maybe with the lottery one day I ll get it fix
Good thing is that with cloth my b looks amazing lol and since I have no man to show them too I don't care much lol
0
