Single life after a mastectomy
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BB- Caribbean vacations are the best! Hawaii too! I could use a good beach trip right about now! But summer here is awesome with all the music and other fun things around. Spring and fall are my fav times to travel, summer here is not to be beat!
Simplicity- we do learn a lot by traveling with people, don't we? Sounds like you found out some things on your weekend get away. My experience after things like that is usually tucked away with a "good to know" mental sticker on it.
I remember reading one time you can tell a lot about someone based on how they handle lost luggage. I had one of those experiences once too. I have decided it is okay to not want to travel with everyone, even if you like people and want to connect with them otherwise. Not everyone has the same interests or deals with travel costs the same way. It really should be fun in the end, yes?
I was pleased to go out and enjoy a nice walk tonight. My feet have been so bothersome again, but better this week and the weather is lovely with longer daylight now too. I enjoy a nice 25 min walk and looked at how beautiful some of the blooms are at my neighbors homes and along the walking trail. I saw the most incredible rose bushes with roses so big like I have never seen. My gardens are having a real nice bloom too, but got to check out others too. Yay for less sore feet. Between the cold and the foot issues, I had stopped walking but getting back into it. Next I am getting on the bike! The exercise really does help the stiffness with the AIs, even if you don't feel like doing it. Tomorrow night will be the gym (weights then a yoga class).
E- how are the new classes going?
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Simplicty - yeah we loved it! so relaxing!! want to go back again
my lat dorsi recon went pretty well. the flap took really well but i had to wear the hot blanket so the blood flow was kept up. So happy when i could take it off!!Jazzy - im ok at the moment physically. dont have to see my onc until july but am still trying to work out what to do about my ovaries. it is annoying having to get the zoladex and my god the needle is huge!!!
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hi well the classes are good so far. I am just a bit depressed with all this construction and the idiots did not do anything today.I came hoping to see more done and there was nothing done
plus the person doing the work is bad I mean the floor they are reparing in the bedroom looks as if it's coming undo I honestly wish they finish so I can start my own construction. I have so many ideas as per what I will fix. I am so sick of sambling the air mattress then taking the air out in the morning to put it away. I am so sick of no having access to the kitchen is honestly unreal to endure 2 more weeks like this. Tmw I have my other class but it seems I rather be somewhere away from this chaos. Tonight I had to pass by my old place cuz the tenants are going to renovated and will through my vanities away so I ll pick those up. And store and well I ll be able to use one in this dump lol yes those tenants are crazy I don't care they can do what ever they like as long as they are happy and stay rented there for a few years. I wish we can all go to a resort one day and meet and have some wine and laugh at all this shit we endured.A few pictures of what they did so far.
I wish I could pay a hotel for a week lol
I have a few people I could ask to crash at but honestly I hate to do that. So here I am in the mile of chaos
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E- I would take up the offer of folks who will give you a bed to sleep in. With working and going to school, you need a place to be able to sleep and make a cup of coffee in the morning. You can do something nice for them after like a gift card to a restaurant which will be a way to let them know you appreciate it. I know you are very independent and don't like to ask for help, but think you could use some right now? Maybe accept the kindness of the people you know? Set a time limit though so they don't feel like you will be there forever?
I like the idea of meeting up at a resort some day to enjoy some sun and surf and cocktails!
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haha haha. OK bb I dint know the apt I rented was in such a bad shape but is in a great location people kill for the location. When I first saw the place I saw how bad it was . So my idiot nephew and his wife did not care for the apt in all those years that I was not able to enter the place . They basically let it to go to waist. So I reported to the management and they are the one reparing at least the mold and wall which was damage badly. Now I star my own reno.
Regarding my tenants well I don't understand those guys. The like my apt but not the paint or the kitchen or the floors hahaha so they asked me approval to reno. Crazy but real . Today I went to pick up my vanity and I ll install it in this apt . Is 3am I just finished tiling the floor cuz the old vanity was all the way to the floor and then I needed to put some similar tiles under there
Tomorrow I ll install the vanity
I Wil also paint my entire place now that the guys finished.
I ll bring my bed and sofa this coming week..finally
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E- it looks like you are trying to take care of making your new space more do-able to live there since these people have no sense of urgency to get the work done. Now that you are in and paying rent, perhaps less incentive as well. Keep your receipts and hopefully you can deduct these things from your rent with the owner which I do think is your nephew? The location does sound ideal and know you were looking forward to not have to doing the train thing. I guess with every situation comes the good (location) vs. the not so good (apt being less livable?)
BB- it sounds to me like your sister is just expecting you to assume the eldercare for your mother? I do know that she comes up to visit and help as she can. I know from my own experience unless someone has a way to have money, usually meaning a spouse or some other means of income/cash, it is pretty tough to take that role of FT caregiver. When our mom became ill, my sister and I were both living far away and had our work/careers. I also had a brand new house and a lot of expenses at that time as well. It was horribly stressful and then several in our family told us "well one of you will be quitting your job and moving back to take care of her, right?" Women have SO much pressure on them in these situations. No one would EVER ask a man to quit a job to take care of anyone.......
Do you think it is time for your mom to move near your sister or with her? She seems more able to take care of your mom? Moving a parent is not easy, we had to do it, but it can improve things if it allows the person responsible to have a better ability to help? It might allow you the space you need to get back to work too?
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OK Humm where to start....
Bb I send you lots of strength
I was a bit down yesterday may 13 it was my sister s birthday.
Bb I also wish your mom is able to move close to your sister but I also wish she get better so she can continue to have her life the way she likes. It hurts my heart to remember all my mom had to endure at her old age . I took mom away and gave her the best I could I bought my big condo and gave her the master bedroom I pay a lady who could come at lunch time and warm up mom s food which I cooked every evening and left ready for her. On weekend I took her away on road trips and we had our bird luck
. Her health started to decline and the my bc came then she past then my sister got bc. My brother too went. I just wish I could some how send you good luck Bb. Having a mother in her old days is so so hard.Jazz lol no the new place is not my nephews place I wish . OK so it is a government rental in which I used to lease 18 years ago then 8 years ago I moved to my condo due to the fact that Canada granted my mom s papers which I waited 10 years for . When I got the letter from immigration saying they were allowing mom to become a Canadian permanent resident I went crazy happy I took my savings and gave a down payment to buy a place where I could live with mom. So my nephew whom I raced from he was 11 years old stayed rented at the small apt. You see even though I moved I never removed my name from the lease even the hydro was on my name. So now after 8 years and all hell I lived my nephew decided he wanted to leave the small apt and end the lease. Well I saw my oportunity to move back to downtown. My problem was when I entered my old apt and saw chaos every where I looked
. Bb my nephews attitudethose 8 years was o well this is not my place so why should I care about it. Why sold I fix or reno etc. Me in the other hand when I lived here before I had the apt always good. If anything broke I would fix or replace I don't care if it is not mine it has to look good in order for me to feel good. I am very handyman and I enjoy fixing things when is like a project but in my condo I did so much so much. You see I bought it in bad shape and I reno all cuz I wanted mom to love it . I did and she had her best years there so much she did not want to ever leave lol at one point I bought her a flight to go home for 2 weeks and she was not so happy. I did cuz my sisters and brothers missed her so much but mom was already suffering from demencia and did not remember much. That movie still Alice broke my heart I cry thinking about mom. How it must have felt for her when she realized her mind was going . Anyway today I acomplished lots. I installed my vanity and tiles under it and the bathroom is already looking good. Tmw I ll continue painting and next week my bed and sofa will be able to come. Is a lot of work for one soul this are the times I wonder how is it I never meet a man whom could care for me? Then I see how much I have learn how much I can do as if I am a man myself.Here is my work today
Tomorrow I ll mount the mirror and shower doors.
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I miss my mom
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E- first of all, sending you big hugs on the memories associated with your sister and mom. I love that picture of you and your mom together in that bus stop pic. How did you do that?
How you came from the apt, to the condo and back again makes complete sense to me. I can see how you bought the condo to help take good care of your mom. Now things are different and going back to the original place sounds like a better location. It is too bad your nephew and his wife did not take better care of this space. That being said, you are very handy with the renovation stuff, you amaze me! I think you are making good progress with the work you are doing.
BB- is your back feeling better enough to get out for some exercise every day?
Melp- how are you doing this weekend friend? Any more treatments planned in the near future or are they just monitoring you? What is the weather like there? Heading into winter?
We have not heard from Life in a long time. I hope she is okay.
I have been working on upgrading some things on my patio. Here is a sitting area I redid. I had some friends over Friday night and they enjoyed the new space.
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BB- I know you have not been able to be as active with the back problems. It sounds like just walking around where you live may not be ideal either. The meditation series sounds awesome though, if you can swing it. My meditation folks suspended for a bit as they were traveling and the yoga studio said they would be back this month but I have heard nothing. I need to check the web site to see what is going on there. I also do meditation on my patio and it is my grounding spot from all the other chaos of the world.
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Morning ladies.
E, hugs to you. Love the picture of you and your mom. How did you do that? That's cool. I am not sure how you handle a rental, I can barely manage my own place. Course I have 3 kids that screw things up as soon as I fix them.
BB, wish I could help in some way. I cannot imagine how overwhelmed you feel.
I decided to keep this Fridays appointment. The stress and anxiety alone would do me in if I waited another 2 weeks. I feel like if something is going to go wrong, it will regardless. Idk.
Lots of emotions running amuck....too much going on all at once. I feel sick to my stomach
I know it's just stress. Why does this surgery feel harder where waiting is concerned? bleh.Melp, how are you?
I was wondering the other day about that one poster that came on for a bit, whose husband didn't want a 'deformed' wife. Wonder how she ended up making out without doing chemo and such....
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Simplicity- I always have such angst before a procedure. Then out of nowhere, a day or two before the calm comes. I hope the same for you sister. You need a mantra this week to help you through "I am working to be well and whole again" or the like. Sometimes we have to change our thoughts by having something positive to anchor too. I have to do it all the time, my mind can go to high anxiety places very easily.
Wow, so I guess that guy preferred a dead wife over one with some changes to her body? Or to maybe have to raise children on his own without a mom? So disgusting, but cannot say it surprises me though. We now too many women here on these threads whose husbands could not deal with the dx and all that followed. I hope she chose treatment and wellness over him. Jerk.
BB- I hope you can get things worked out through your appeal process.
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Hi Leslea- welcome to our thread. It sounds like you may be younger if the question of kids comes up when dating. Probably best to get that out of the way in the first few dates. We have the whole spectrum here of folks who have not yet dated since bc (like me), some who have, others who have had relationships for awhile that ended, some who have created new relationships during all this. Anything can happen. I think we all agree here you have to take it slow and decide when you are ready to tell anyone about your health history. We hope you stay and join in the conversation.
BB- congrats on the clear mammo. That is always good to hear! The radiology center wanted me to do MRIs the first few years after my double lumpectomies, due to all the scar tissue (and the DCIS on the left side was found that way). I discussed it every time with the BS and she said she has no feeling either way if I should do it. It would probably cost me a good $3K of pocket each year, so I told my BS "if you give me a reason to do it, I will but I don't want to spend thousands on a test I really don't need." I have had bi-annual 3D mammo and ultrasounds since the summer of 2013 only so far.
I am not totally sure BB, but will be to my five years by next fall so I am hoping next summer will be the last. I need to ask this next visit now that we are getting closer to the date. I am due in July for the next apts.
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im doing ok atm. Waiting for a letter from the hospital in regards to my appt with the gyno oncologist to discuss the pros and cons of ovary removal.
Emotionally im still working things out
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Good to hear from you Melp.
3 Days. Bleh. No more work after today. Have to be at the hospital at 5 am Friday. Lots to do in the mean time. Want to get my house good and clean for when I come home.
Hope all have a good day. I'm going home after work and snoozing. SO tired.
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Melp- glad you will have a "pros and cons" discussion. It is about the only way I can make a decision sometimes, other times I go with my gut. I know this has been a tough road for you friend. Sending you love and hugs.
Simplicity- time to slow down and rest friend. I understand the pressure one has before a surgery, especially when you are the one holding things all together. You need to get some good rest. Change the sheets on your bed and make your room comfy for your return home. You are almost there sister, and then will be on to your life minus the thousands of doc visits, tests, procedures, etc. I am rooting for you.
It is nuts at work this week. Back to the grind.....
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Hello, everyone. I still don't have a working computer, and I see I've missed more than a month of conversation. I read the first page after my last post, as well as the last few posts, but I'll never be able to read all the posts I missed.
Melp, Jazzy, Enerva, BB, Simplicity, everyone... Hope all is well.
Melp, I read your last post. I had both ovaries removed based on advice from my oncologist. I know it's a tough decision to make, especially, I imagine, at a young age. Keeping you in thought and prayer...
E - I saw the news about Venezuela and immediately thought of you and your family. I hope all is all right.
Jazzy, happy belated birthday!
Did I miss any other birthdays?
As for me, I've been filling out forms and forwarding my old college records, planning to finally complete my degree and update my skills. There's a nagging feeling of doubt I have, thinking it might not make much difference at this point in life. But, then I think, I'm going for it, anyway.
Hugs to all of you.
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Life, good to hear from you! Go for it!! I went back to college in my late 30's. It is a bit intimidating. We had a lot that were in their 50, 60, and 70's while I was in. You can do it!
BB, I'm doing decent. Cut more than half. I know it's not ideal. My Onc did talk to me about it in the beginning. Bleh. Such a stressful, crazy road thou. Ugh. I won't be having any tomorrow morning.
Have to be at the hospital at 5 am for 7 am surgery. Can't believe I'm here. At this point. *sigh*
Hope all are well. Enjoy the day. A bit more cleaning to get done today
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Life- good to hear from you and excellent news on completing your degree. Check with the school you are going to about any job placement groups they have for when you are done. Many colleges and universities have those now to help connect students with employers. I am a big advocate of education and have found through the years, it has always benefited me, even when changing careers or industries. You go girl!
Simplicity- been keeping tabs on you on your FB support page. You seem more ready to get this done. After tomorrow, things will be different. Onward and upward sister.
E- thinking of you with all you are juggling with work, school, the new living place and no doubt, a lot of worries about family back home.
Busy week this way and must get to the client site again for the day. Wishing everyone a good wrap up to the week!
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Jazzy, Simplicity, BB - Thanks for the encouragement!
Simplicity- - So then tomorrow is the big day? That is great! :-) Rest well and let us know how you're doing when you can.
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hi ladies hope all OK. It's midnight I just finished moving all the things I had in the living room to the balcony and my TV to the kitchen again .
Well tmw was the day that I was to move my sofa and bed but the super came to my place this morning to do an inspection and he then called me and agreed that the repairs which took place were a total disaster so he offer to send those morons again tmw. I had to call cancel the move till Sunday since tmw they ll redo the floors and well I ll sleep at a friends place tmw night . In the morning I ll take the air out of the mattress once again. Anyway Saturday morning I have an appoitment to do my taxes which are past due now . I am super tired of all .
Simplicity I am so happy for you. I must say I don't want to do more recon but if my ps ever agrees to fix up my rad issues I will not think twice to go under the nife again
I loved the way my breast were a month after recon. Lol Rad changed my left side so I hope one day I get it fix once again.
Welcome to the new girl . Pls try to stay positive I can see how it makes u feel all of us deal with it in different ways but we are very strong and a man who doesn't aprecite that then he is better to stay the hell away from us.
Bb that sucks about the benefits. Humm ya I ll try and get a blood work next month when I am in a more balance state cuz these days if I do it I ll find all kind of bad levels. I have been eating bad and lost weight and I know my stress is to the roof.
Jazz still didn't hear from the job. Still hoping to get it.
Good night
Here is the letter I sent this morning regarding my apt.
Hi xxxxx,
first i want to thank you for all your help,
The contractor finished last Friday so in 5 days they did what they could do.
Today the super will go inspect the repairs done, he left me a notice of entrance which says he will inspect around 11am. I will be at work but i left him a letter.
I am not sure if the Heat is working, it does not seem to work.The balcony screen need replacement. The repairs to the floor where done very poorly specially under the furnace unit in the bedroom, in that area the new parquet floor does not fit so it is coming up a lot and i think its a matter of time for it to break.There were small parquet pieces which were lose and i left those there so the contractor could glue them back instead they through them out and left holes now i don't even have those pieces so i could glue back myself.The floors underneath the closet doors where not repaired even though the super told me by phone that it was in the list to be repair ;( the contractor told me on Friday that they were told not to repair it. I wish it was so i can install new closet doors which i ll replace at my own expense but the floors are damaged. The vanity was garbage i replaced with a new vanity but the pipe which comes out of the wall and the water keys in the vanity and the toilet need to be replaced by a plumber. the keys do not close or open due to rust and age. other minor things i will be repairing at my own expense but i wish after the so call inspection is done i wish i could have an honest opinion as per the end results of the repairs which took place. Over all i am glad you were able to help me and i can assure you I will paint and i will keep the place up to standards .
Thanks a lot for all your help,
CR
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Leslie- welcome to our thread!
E- this move has been very hard on you. I hope you can get settled soon so you can get some rest. Hopefully you will hear either way about the work you went for. I hate not hearing about stuff.
BB- sorry about the haircut not working out.
Going in to the client site today for a few hours to help my client on some project things she needs to do. Plan to hit the gym for swimming after. Wishing everyone a good day.
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Simplicity s friend or kid is posting updates in fb. So far she is in still and no update oh and she is in for a BMX bb. so 6 or 7 hours i just hope she recover well. is so hard to go through the recon ;( but i wanted her to hear all positive before the day. but we all know how hard is going to be dealing with the pain and the life itself couple of ruff days ahead.
today the super called me to say the repairs once again are cancel ;( i am sick of it i told him oh well my furniture is coming this weekend and after that i will have it so not sure when we can do this now.
i am so tire but also glad i ll be able to clean tonight and just sleep in the mattress i was already stress about sleeping at my friends place. i rather be in the shit hole there is so much i need done i ll keep going the floor will be done after when ever they find a contractor i ll have to move all to my bedroom and or balcony i dont care now.
i called the moving co and they told me now they booked another move for tonight in my place since i canceled so now i must wait till Sunday ;(
is just the history of my life
one crap after another
if i hear from simplicity i ll let you guys know
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Simplicity is in surgery & here okay so far
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Hoping Simplicity does well...........will you post here?
Enerva, hope you are settling in properly now. BB you sound more at peace? You all seem to be doing good actually, but isn´t it damn hard work?
.I am tired of it all.
I am not too good at posting on here mostly cos I think I am such a DEbbie Downer.........I cannot possibly imagine showing any man my mutilated body, ever, and have so little confidence now I don´t even flirt.
A local hospital is apaprently starting a new recon - guess what it is? A TRAM.........now that was outdated years ago.....why can´t it be DIEP? I have still put myself forward for an assessment to see if it could bring recon forward but would the risks of a TRAM just for an early surgery be worth it with 40% chance of hernia and I had 3 prolapsed discs after vertical hysterectomy due to weak stomach muscles?????.........but that is assuming there is even a chance for me. I am thinking now of actually making an official complaint about my lack of reconstruction and the 4 years of hell they condemned me to, so far..............
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I read on the FB page that Simplicity is out of surgery after six hours and in recovery now.
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Good to hear, hoping that all goes well and no complications...............
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Jazzy, thanks for the update on Simplicity!
Lily, sorry to hear you're still waiting for recon. I'm not sure what I'd choose to do, if I were in your shoes. But I can tell you that, even though recon was available to me, it still took nearly 3 years, mostly because I chose the slow route, and my recon still needs the finishing touches. And I chose implants only. Do they offer implants there, at least, where you live? Or was that something you already tried? I hope a safe procedure is offered to you soon.
E - Like you, I loved my recon when first done, but the irradiated left side is too tight now. Good luck with your move, btw.
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TRAM is the one that uses the muscle...............lovely thought BB.................I want to be whole too, I feel broken and fed up with hearing myself
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