Single life after a mastectomy
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hi life and jazzygirl things are going ok with me. Not seeing the onc until july so thats great!!
Few aches and pains but thats from the femara i reckon. Last bloods were good
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Oh no Life. Hope you're feeling better!
E the apartment looks great! Do hope you're getting some good rest.
Melp, glad to hear blood works were good.
BB, thinking it should have been for me as well. Not happy these days.
HopeFloats,that was me too. Before dx, I was having a bit of fun dating, probably for the first time in my life just enjoying being single, and checking things out. An old friend of 10 years got back in touch when he heard the news. Naturally, things were great at first. I had my recon May 20th, and getting your boobs back doesn't suddenly make things better or ok. Whoa. My frustration didn't come out in that last sentence at all lol Sorry.
Had a friend here since Thursday. Was so nice having her here. We didn't do much. Sat in my room mostly, talked, colored, slept, talked. Such a nice time just being, ya know? We ran a few errands but I got sore and wore out quick.
I've not seen much of E and if I have it's been for a few hours before bedtime. Lots going on there. Just biding my time. Waiting to see how some things play out.
A bit worried thou I know it's probably nothing, but my breast drains are still discharging red
Postop Tuesday and cant wait to get 'cleaned up'. He says this tape/glue will come off the incisions (lots of dried blood under it), and hoping to lose the 2 breast drains since they are hardly producing anything.My drain sites look much better than they did last time. Course I am only a week in.
Both my flaps look good thou my left one is still bruised. The right one hardly bruised at all? My abdominal incision hurts mostly at the ends. It goes just around to my back then stops.
*sigh* so tired. Think I'll color a bit and go back to sleep. Hope everyone else is doing well. Jazz, hope you enjoy your time away. I didnt look at the date on that post lol You may have left yesterday...
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Hi ladies- back from my travels to northern NM. The time away was good, enjoyed some historic places, bit of shopping, good food and time to read and do some writing. Also checked out some area hot springs, although they were the more "rustic" type but still fun. Left this morning and got home a bit after noontime. Been relaxing while I do a bit of laundry. I will share some pics soon!
Melp- you sound good and glad to hear you will be free of doctors apts until July. We are coming into summer here in the US, you have winter going on there? Aches and pains go with the AIs for sure. I call those "AI days" and have been achey the past few days myself (hot springs helped).
BB- did you get out for that picnic in a park this weekend with your doggie?
E- how is the apartment work going? I think you are probably in work today, school tonight.
Simplicity- you seem like you are coming along with your recovery. Been keeping tabs on you on your FB page as well.
Sorry to hear about your man not being around more. Women are just better at supporting one another through tough times. Men not so much. You keep focusing on you and you will know where things can and should go with this relationship. I have learned time and time again in life, people show us who they are through time and especially during the most difficult of times. I can tell you are disappointed he has not been more present during all this sister. I hope you were surrounded by much love and care this weekend.
June is on the horizon now.....
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I'm so glad I found you all. I appreciate the welcome for sure! Told my boys about my diagnosis on the weekend- hardest conversation I have ever had.... But they were so loving and inquisitive. At 9 years old (twins) they amaze me.... They asked a ton of questions, and in the end- we all knew we would be okay.
As for the guy front.... The man I was dating for a short while prior to diagnosis wanted to be there through this entire process, which I welcomed since of course companionship would have been an amazing gift- however I recently learned that he is suffering from a mental illness and refusing treatment- leaving it unsafe and emotionally draining to be close to... And I had to walk away. So looks as though I will be single for a long long time going forward, since meeting anyone now just isn't going to happen- and once the scars and side effects begin to take hold, I won't possibly be attractive or have the confidence to attract anyone.
Arg!!!
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well I am on a street car now going to a friend's house to stay the night cuz my floorson were done today and I should not step on it till tmw.
I was able to get to work from home tmw so I ll come early to my place see what the floors look like and I ll log in from home. I have an exam tmw night and I ll try to read at my friend s place she lives in a very small bachelor apt but she is a great friend so I ll be OK one night is not so bad plus I gave her a new queen mattres which used to be mom s lol I ll sleep OK she also has a big African gray parrot which I like a lot but he is not tame. Poor thing she has him cage all his life it breaks my heart. BTW I wish animal control could take him away from her but it's not my bird so I can't say enough. Always tell her he needs new place where someone has more time. She works lots of hours and he is most of days alone.
Anyway it ll be an interesting night lol
Glad all here are OK
My ex loser sent me a few msg and oh well same all .
Nothing crazy going on but one good news my client who I represented 2 years ago is going to buy again haha haha he is a pain but better than no client.
Bad news I got a bill for my license renewal and I am so short of cash that I am hardly thinking how to come up with the $ for that.
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Jazz that sounds so lovely!! I want a hot bath but it'll be a while. Hopefully getting the tape/glue (dermabond?) off tomorrow, and hopefully lose a couple drains.
E, that's so sad about her bird. Thats a very personable type of bird
I have cockatiels and just sent one home with my friend. His name is Preacher, if that says anything. He was my Aunts and I took him when she passed, but cannot take the early morning singing. Nothing would shut him up. My mom wouldn't take him. Been trying for 2 years. Anyway, she has more time to spend one on one with him and pay him more attention. And the early morning singing didn't bother her lolHopefloats, having a guy is overrated anyway. Forgot how much work relationships are.
Ended things with E this morning. Among lots of things, I had asked for 2 days once I got home from hospital. Not sit by my bed days, just days I'd get a bit of dedicated time in the event I needed anything and just to spend some time. Been about 2 months since we have had a day together. When he comes over, it's din and bed time, or just bed time. I wanted more than a din and bed time buddy when I signed up for this, and he was making much more of an effort for us to have time. I have expressed my frustration, clearly to no avail. Anyway, I haven't gotten and no mention of one or two of my days, and he had offered, HE OFFERED to do my bathroom floor in that time.
But he had time to help out an exgf yesterday
She's a part of him and his kids life. I'm fine with that. But I had specifically warned him, if she got help with her stuff before I got my time, I was going to be pissed. I refuse to take a back seat, or let my kids take a back seat, again.He's had time for dinner with his DD's bf's family (not invited) and a couple other things (not invited).
To make things funner, his kids disprove. They've had him, at the drop of a hat, for a long time. His son manipulates him so bad (23). Son also got another (2nd) DUI while I was in the hospital, so E is now his landlord, taxi cab, boss, and best friend. E did good. He let him sit in jail from Sat am until his arraignment Tue, but was going to get him right out Sat.
Only because I don't want to drive myself, it had already been arranged for him to drive me tomorrow. If it wasn't such a far drive, I'd drive myself. But it's in the city and there's no option for public transportation. Should make for an interesting morning
So hurt, angry, disappointed. Thought I had made a smart choice with E.Unfortunately, we have to invest time to see how some things are. UGH.0 -
E- it sounds like your place is coming along. I am glad you found a friend who can help you out until your place is truly red. Floors being done is a huge step. Too bad about the bird and also the license expense coming up right now too.
Here are some photos from the weekend away.
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simplicity sorry to hear about E. but when it comes to man nothing surprises me , I am glad you are seeing all the signs now. Is not a great feeling to give 100% and receive less than 50% from our love ones. I am glad your friend ll be a better match for your bird. I honestly wish I had never given my little bird away but at the time it was best .
Jazz I love the pictures and Javier Bardem Humm he is so hot lol
Great spring place
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Good morning friends- back to work today. I told myself last night I could really use another day off today, but we have a deadline this week for my project so I will go in and make it a productive week. I have a friend from Texas and her daughter coming for an overnight/short visit next weekend and need to prepare for that this week as well.
BB- sorry to hear your court outcomes are not going better. Also that the injection did not work. Did they give you cortisone in the shot?
The building is called The Plaza Hotel, in Las Vegas, NM. It was built in 1882 and has all the charm of the Victorian Era. This whole part of the state has some interesting history from the pueblos, spanish missions, Civil War, and was a big railroad town in it's day. I was discovering Teddy Roosevelt spent a lot of time in this area back when he was out west getting the national parks started (they celebrate their 100 year anniversary this year).
The hotel is just lovely and was so affordable (under $250 for two nights). The photos shared are of the front of the hotel, my room and many of the nicer rooms are now named by famous people that have stayed there, from various actors, directors, and also Michelle Obama. If you have seen No Country for Old Men, that was filmed entirely in that area. Javiar was one of the lead actors in that film. This place has a film making history back to the early silent films. They are currently filming a couple TV series out there, one is called Longmire, which you may know and the other is called Midnight Texas, which is currently filming and going to be a pilot. There was a guy in the hotel restaurant Sunday morning who I know is an actor, but could not place him.
E- interesting that your ex still texts you. I remember you told him you were moving at some point, and he was shocked you had not told him (hello, we are not together dude!) Well, you are focusing on you and your future, he can go find someone else to listen to him. Selfish men like that don't have as much luck as time goes on though. SOS, different day.
Wishing everyone a good week
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bosumblues, yes- I too plan on being 100% wig when my hair falls out for this very reason. At 9 years old it would be very traumatic for them to see me without- I'm glad I'm not the only one who has done/will do this! It confirms it's doable!! Some people have said it wasn't... But if course those are people who have never had to deal with cancer or its side effects!!
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Hanging in there. Today is not a agood recovery day. Feels like someone punched me a gazillion times in the stomach
3 drains out, 1 to go.(left abdomen)Hope all enjoy the evening
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simplicity hopefully once drains are out the internal healing ll start to kick in .hang in there I admire you went for the hardest recon .I was not so strong I took the easy road
Soon it ll all be OK I can imagine all your emotions are very fragile with all and the E situación.
You go girl.
Bb hope you are feeling better. I went to bed so late and ended up watching the new episode of game of throne which was so good . My life is so simple to please lol
Looking forward to some time off soon.
But august is so Farr lol
Jazz thanks from sharing I love all the places you visit specially the hot springs
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Who is that Javier Bardem dude? Look familiar? Actor?
E, I didn't have any recon choices. I had such an aggressive radiation treatment, my skin on the right was done, so to speak. Wouldn't handle an implant, my Dr said.
BB, I am okay. Sending you a pm here in a second. E and I are ok. Just....very challenging dating a single dad entrepreneur.
Going to check another thread real quick. Wondering if I should be dressing my abdominal incision? He took the tape stuff off the other day. But reading various places, think I should be to help with scarring?
Hope all have a good day. Today has been better on the recovery side. He cut my pain meds nearly in half, then the tubing coming out, and an upset tum yesterday made for a poopey day haha
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BB, thats a hard decision to make. Hate that we get put into these places of decision. I think your boys will be fine.
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Simplicity- glad to hear you are pushing through on some things. Did you get some help for the infection you found?
Javier Bardem is a spanish actor. He has been in a number of things, and did No Country for Old Men which was filmed in the town I visited last weekend in northern NM. He is married to Penelope Cruz. I cannot even imagine how beautiful those kids are they have
BB- so sorry you are not able to get better support from your ex.
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Morning ladies.
No I sure haven't yet Jazz. I took the tape off and found its a small area and theres another right above it. Cleaned it last night after a shower, and the rest of my incisions. Just took my belly button tape off. Ick. I thought it was tegaderm. It wasnt. Incisions look good everywhere else. That tape was holding a bunch of gunk against the incisions.
I did end up dressing the front of my abdominal incision yesterday. (That thread doesn't appear very alive) after covering it in bacitrcin. Going to get some more dressing today, and some of those butterfly things. I'm hoping he will just call something in instead of making me come in. May have to go in Tue anyway to have my last drain removed. Surely it'll be ready by Tuesday. Less than 30ml the past 2 nights.
You ok BB? Life? Melp? E?
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Appointment at 1:30 for last drain and have them look at those areas. Glad I took the tape off, as I found another small spot. Neither are big, but surely dont want to wait. Belly button looks awful too :9 But I think thats mostly just gook.
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I have a bit of separation at the abdominal incision, an infection starting, and areas of necrosis. All of which are common, except the infection. I have to go back Tuesday
Not the news I wanted to hear. On antibiotics and have to dress incisions twice a day with bacitracin.Scar revisions? I never knew there was such a thing haha
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hi ladies well I just finished putting shit together lol so hard but all coming along now.
Will continue tmw. After I come back from showing properties to a client .
Here a few pictures
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E- omg, that looks really good compared to where you began! Glad to see you have a good living space again. Now go sell a house tomorrow!
I hope everyone survived the week. I was swamped meeting deadlines, but we made it and now will be moving to the next phase of the project.
I am going down to a radio station way early tomorrow to tape a show with some fellow entrepreneurs. I have done film, TV and radio in the past and love it. Have not done a live radio broadcast ever!
I will leave you with this lovely thought before I sign off for bedtime.
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Yes last drain is gone!!! And she let me video it. I find this medical stuff neat.
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hi , wow simplicity sorry so much pain and disconfort but day by day I ll heal and u ll be OK hang in there.
Jazz thanks what a nice post.
Bb how is your back?
I showed 4 condos today and tomorrow we may buy one. Is a little difficult cuz is a new builder and they have some builder negotiations hide fees which the buyer must pay 13k so imagine to have to convince a buyer to come up with 13k over asking price
well I did my buyer is just that way when he wants a deal he wants a deal lol I hope all goes as planned and hope we lock the deal tomorrow. We shall see
Good night all
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hi simplicty im ok medically at the moment thanks for asking
im having troubles with one of my friends. she keeps bringing up stuff from the past that ive done to hurt her when ive already apolgised. she says i cant use my illness as an excuse to why i do or not do things. Im a quiet person and i tend to listen more than talk. keep having to justify myself to her. weve been friends for more than 10 years. When i first was dx with early stage she was amazing but now she seems to have changed. I have changed too obviously. I'm wondering if ive outgrown her. she says" i may not have a serious illness but my life is still hard" and "you dont know others struggles"
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melp27, toxic friendships like you describe are not what you need right now. You are right.... You've both changed, and what you need from the friendship has changed. Cancer sucks... And sometimes it causes friendships to end... Do not apologize for not having the energy to do things (or the desire!). Be you.... If she doesn't get that, let her go. Sadly I have had to do this in the past when life changed drastically for me and some friends expected me to stay the same. You don't need the added stress.
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Melp- sorry to hear about your friend. You are living with Stage IV cancer and not everyone is going to be able to deal with that. It sounds like your friend could be there initially, but perhaps not now. It also sounds like your friend is wanting you to focus more of her needs these days and that is not a fair expectation for anyone with cancer. If you have apologized for something you needed to and she is hanging on to it, then she is holding a grudge and that is her stuff. Ask yourself if you really want this person around anymore or if you do, how often?
I had a friend who was good during my medical crisis four years ago, but then was not afterwards. After a good year or so coming away from her never feeling good, I decided to just let it go. I saw her a year ago and decide to stop keeping in touch after that. She has not kept in touch either and knew when I stopped communicating it would end. And it has. Life is precious to us these days and we should only have supportive people around us. Cancer teaches us who can do this with us.
E- great news you may sell another property. I agree the extra fees may be a deterent for a potential buyer, but may not for everyone. I hope you are enjoying your nicer space. How is school going too/
BB- I hope you are doing okay and your back is better.
Simplicity- reading your posts on FB and continuing to see your amazing recovery. When do you go back to work?
Hope- I see you have surgery coming up in a few weeks. Do make your bedroom as comfortable as possible with lots of room on the bedside for drinks and other things you will need. It is important to prepare for this to ensure we are comfortable during recovery. Are you feeling ready for the surgery/
Life- I hope your applications are coming together for you to start your program soon. Let us know when college begins for you?
I had a busy week meeting a huge deadline, and now preparing for exec meetings tomorrow and Tuesday and a data conversion into the week and some testing next weekend. The end of big phases and start of the next are always a huge amount of work for me. The summer will be busy, and also challenging with people out. My client is out next week for 2 1/2 weeks which will create other challenges for me.
My BFF from childhood and her daughter are coming through town tonight and spending the night with me. It will be a short visit, but will be glad to see them.
NM got hot suddenly and is in the 90s every day. Summer has arrived.
Wishing everyone a good week.
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O Melp. I am sorry but let her go
I've let quite a few go during this and have been...struggling for months how to handle some situations with other 'friends', and even some 'family'. I'm the type that is there for anyone should they need me. Some that I feel should have been, have not been there for me, at all. IMO, I've had more support from my single parent support site, but even some of them, I think, have grown tired. It's admittedly hard dealing with all of one's own life stuff and things, and trying to be a good, consistent source of support and encouragement....sucks.
Jazzy, I have 10 more weeks on FMLA, I was hoping to start staggering back in, part time (use the shared leave to account) around 4 weeks. Don't think it's going to happen thou. Incisions are looking a lot better but ugh pain, discomfort. Not intolerable, but a lot worse than BMX.
Mom came this weekend to hang out and help. Our history is long and painful. Past couple years, we've healed quite a bit, and are getting to know each other all over again, it seems. It's just her and I now. Except for my West Coast family-HA. Big joke there. I'm not mad. Anyway it was really nice. She is limited in helping but did awesome and what she could. We visited a lot, so did her and the kids
I have resorted to threatening to flash children who give me chit when asked to do things. They were great while mom was here. Attentive. Helpful. Thoughtful. Kind. Shouldn't take mom or anybody else being here for that to happen. I showed my DD (18) my abdomen incision (part of it. It was dressed) today. I think she needed to see it. Boys misbehave, backtalk, they're going to see what 300 (+/-) looks like!
BB? Enerva? Ladies ok?
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hi. Well I had a long weekend full of stress but is finally over and tomorrow we ll offer to another office lol ya we walk away from the new condo . I told my client this is just ridiculous you can get a better one without any if this hiding fees so we did .showed him 4 more today found a great one which seems to be the one . Tmw I ll see how I manage to do it around 4pm after I finish work.
Melb I must tell you I am so sorry about your friend but I agree with the rest. Let her go .just keep a distance from her she is no been there for you now so you don't have to keep apologizing for the past. What ever you did you can go back and change she should enjoy your friendship now and if she can't then is her problem . I became so hard after bc. I even let go of relatives now I only talk to them when they talk to me but I am not the person I used to be always worry about them or my friends I realized who ever loves me will always be there and the rest can go to hell .sorry girls but is who I am now. I don't give a shit about people who try to hurt me. And before I use to cry for people but now is like o well so what.
Melbourne u are beautiful inside and out it takes a lot of good to apologize for our mistakes no many can do that so don't let it hurt you. She maybe ungry at something else but she can't express her her and is just not what you need.
I am doing laundry now 3 loads due to all the dust from floors and I know all the cloth in my closet needs to be wash again but is so much I ll do slowly
Hope my client gets the codo and that has given me some practice but it dry me up I am so tired as if I can't get a chance to breath .
When it rain today I was far from my car and I couldn't scape it .my hair which I had dry last night strait went to a wish head lol so ll have to do something to it again tonight before bed.
As I walked under the Strom I felt sadness I was like " really? Like how much more ?" I am not sure ladies but feeling down like all is a hard road for everything 😢
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Melp, the other thing to remember is, it says more about her than it does you. I have a dear friend now. 10yrs. We went to the beach with another friend (3 ladies). Never again. Nope. She was bossy, rude, and worse when she drank which was anytime after 11? I love her, but like Enerva, limits. I dont have to be around it if I dont want to.
E I love your way of expression. Its refreshing.
I need to decide what to do with my 'family' ties. I am tired of one way roads in my life. That and hollow words. Im just over here biding my time, waiting to see how some things in my life play out during the storm. I'll decide what to keep when the dust settles. Once I can see what stood firm more clearly.
Ladies have a good night and thanks for being here
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Been there lately too E. My mom caught me crying the other morning taking the first dressing off after Dr appt Fri. Very saddening. I was doing great Tuesday
These things can change so fast!!!!0 -
Talking to another friend yesterday morning, and told her I was feeling very down
No reply.......
She will eventually....
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