Single life after a mastectomy

jazzygirl

Enerva

well so far no snow here in Toronto and let's say I don't envi you guys lol keep all the snow away from us please lol today is a sunny day here.

So I got a phone call at 11:40am I didn't answer it it was my friend 's parner and now he left no msg . This is a friend I haven't seen for a wile no sure you guys remember . The lady who drove me home from my surgery she has a dog I used to babysit and then we kind of lost touch cuz her and her man really wanted to set me up or see me in a relationship? I kind of felt uncomfortable as the 3rd wheel so we kind of lost the connection. Also last year for her birthday I got 2 tickets to go on a trip to a small town on a Saturday and she made-up a excuse and didn't go . I ended up going solo and it was like a $120 gift so I just felt piss that she use to tell me how her guy went out with his friends every Sunday and she had no group to go and do stuff then when I got us a day off somewhere she just dump the oh I am busy with a bbq can't go. Then the next day I asked her how was the bbq? She said oh I didn't go didn't feel like it stayed home with xxxx. So that was it I decided I was done with that friend.

Anyway now I am wondering why her mam called on a Friday? Why no msg?

Do I contact him and find out ?

Or do I stay away and no find out?

Could be something wrong?

I am not sure what to do ?

If there is nothing wrong I don't feel like going back in the friendship like jazz said some people we must let go. But if there is something wrong and I can help and I don't then I ll feel guilty

What kind of person I am? I don't want to be involved in their circle but I don't want nothing bad to happen to her . She is a good friend is just after she found the perfect man she changed and that is the norm for most people I know.

Humm ok no I will no call . It Will bother me a lot but I ll stay out of it. I am not wilin to go back to making excuses as per why I am still single . Or why I am not in a dating site finding a man bla bla. This was the usual conversation at her place.

Or why did you stay so long with that guy who didn't deserve you?

Anyway just bother me . A phone call in the middle of the day on a Friday.

Maybe they want to go away and need someone to watch the dog ? That was another thing with them cuz I was single I was the one stuck babysitting the dog for them to go on weekends trips. Anyway just hope they are OK but I better not know. If something bad happened I also don't want to know it ll affect me too.

jazzygirl

E- if someone calls me and does not leave a message, I wait to see if they back. If there is something wrong, then they will reach out again and you can decide if you want to engage. If they want a dog sitter, you can just say you are in school and don't have the time. Been there with all this stuff with moving requests, pet sitting, etc.

I hate to say it but people who don't keep in touch and show up later usually want something.

Enerva

yes bb you girls are right . Plus if there is something wrong it should be her calling me not him. Is very extrange that he called but I don't want to know. Plus no msg no text ? Ya I bet they need a sitter or something which is very wierd Co sidering xtmas just past and never got a merry xtmas or happy new year nothing . I didn't either but I thought of sending a text then I didn't . I thought it could be best to pretend there was no one here . I usually travel in the past so this xtmas I pretended I was gone. I close myself in my apt and didn't do much but bake and sleep lol so bb you got it . If it is serious I should get another call and I ll prepare something to say in case they need me to care for the dog or something g else .

There is something I néed to share here I forgot lol I am a bit worry I am fogetful now lol but this is funny you guys last week when I was a t the hospital the nurse said to me. "I got something I want you to try " then she says "is a small massager " for the scar tissue I look at her and I said oh cool. She said let me get it and show you. She had this smile on her face and then when she brought it to the table I saw the box lol is actually called "small vibrator " ha ha ha I looked at her and say oh now I know why you are smiling lol anyway she said "yaaa I know but it actually works wonders with scars . I don't know why the name but it is $25 we sell them so if you can I need you to give kt a try" so I did I bought one and I mst say it's not as easy it is supposed to be at the scar for 5 minutes at the time . Here are the pictures . I thought it was worth sharing here. Lol

Enerva

HI ladies I was just reading about the solar storm. I had no idea this was going one this week.

SURROUNDED BY SOLAR WIND: Earth is now fully inside a stream of solar wind flowing from a large hole in the sun's atmosphere. As a result, NOAA forecasters say there is a 60% chance of polar geomagnetic storms on Jan. 6th. Arctic sky watchers should remain alert for auroras on Friday night. Free: Aurora Alerts

Last night in Scandinavia, solar wind gusts of 700+ km/s sparked bright green Northern Lights. Rayann Elzein sends this picture from Inari, Finland, some 350 km inside the Arctic Circle:

jazzygirl

E- super interesting and had not heard about this. I wonder if you are far enough north to see some of the aurora's? I have seen it once from a plane flying out of Chicago, and looking up north to Canada many years ago. They are spectacular.

Enerva

good morning ladies. No we are no able to see the lights from here but I wonder if this could have any effects on our planet ?

If you Google it there are videos of the sun and that is happening to it . Supper interesting but not sure as per is it a bad event ? It can not be good. I am not really familiar with the starts and all but it is something that always intrigued me. I have a couple of friend who own very expensive equipment telescope and things to watch the starts. I msg one of them about this and he had not a clue it was happening lol I told him dude aren't you supposed to know thi's things ? Ha ha ha he said he haven't been for a wile . Figures a few years back when he was expending money on those things I asked him. Do you really think you will use these stuff lol and he was like oh I must have this lol now he doesn't even watch the news lol

Anyway I decided to make some bread and I am waiting to see what happens . I found a recipe but it turned out too dry and hard so I feel it is wrong .

Here is the one I did bit next time I will change to 3 cups of flour cuz this is not looking good so far.

Simplicity

Morning ladies.

lmao Enerva!! Yea, this really cute Dr in the hospital suggested a 'personal massager' for my scars too and giggled when he said it. He blushed when I told him I already have one For me thou, it hurts to massage the scars

We got about 6 inches of snow here. Whole damn town shut down hahaha

Hoping my workplace is closed tomorrow, and schools.

BB-how are you feeling today?

June?

Jazzy, any adventures this weekend?

Enerva

OK so 2 things went wrong lol the recipe needs to be less flour. I think next time I ll use 3 cups of flour or 2 1/2 . Also my shit oven which is crap. I ll try next time at 350c instead of 400 cuz it sucks. but the taste of the bread I'd defenately what I want lol I love the bread the people from philipines make. I used to have a coworker from there and she could bring the most amazing bread rolls and never ever share the recipe . Well aparently is a big secrete so I found a video but none in English I ll play until I get it right here is my first try lol total chaos but still optimists lol

jazzygirl

Good morning friends- sound like a few of you have had recommendations on those mini-vibrator for the scar tissue. I have scar tissue on both breasts from the lumpectomies and sometimes it hurts. It has improved with time, but still there. Sounds like it is too painful to consider though?

Simplicity- I heard you got a good round of snow in the mid-Atlantic. I expect you could have a snow day tomorrow, places with that much snow and not enough plows take a few days to dig out. About 10 or so years ago, we had a storm that brought two feet of snow! Having grown up back east, I had seen those storms before but it shut down this city for days. No one had snow shovels, and of course, the few places that had them were sold out quickly. So we were all digging out with our garden shovels! I hope you get some extra time from home. Are you set up to work from home with a laptop?

No adventures this weekend outside of going to play music yesterday with my jazz friends. Next weekend is my yoga retreat to the mountains.

BB- I am glad to hear your back is better. That water therapy sounds like it is helping? I love the water, going swimming again later today.

I am so sorry to hear your boys have hurt you. Creating healthy space from people who hurt you is very healthy for you. People have to learn where our boundaries are, especially the family. My family does things all the time and it can cause me to not talk to them for periods of time or to share less. Do it a few times and they begin to get it.

E- I love a fresh bread dipped in olive oil and spices. Bread and soup delicious on a cold winters day?

I wonder how Life is doing? I remember she was going back to school to finish her degree. I hope she is enjoying her studies and building a new life for herself.

Enerva

bb I miss your post. I have to tell you I also have decided to keep some distance from a few relatives who hurted me and don't even acknowledge they did. I will try the bread aging I just made the recipe and let it to rise while I go to the skating class lol I ll let you guys know how that goes.

Jazz the vibrator massager is good you should try to get one. I am just lazy I need to use it every day and I haven't

OK will be back later let's see if I do enjoy this thing I enrolled in for 4 weeks every Sunday. I need to come back and do laundry

Enerva

class was good. Lol challengin but good. It's just too cold I froze

jazzygirl

E- oh that looks like fun! But I can see it is cold and remember those cold days skating back in the day. Time for some hot chocolate or hot tea!

Simplicity

Interesting question BB. Yea, we've talked. Were still talking. Too much to type, but I am staying distant to some degree, setting my own emotional and mental boundaries, as well as physical lol Ugh.

Loneliness set in? ......no. And this question, I had to think on it a bit. I haven't felt 'lonely' per say in years. I have felt more alone with some people than I ever have alone. All situations are different. Being a single parent for 13 years, and I think some of my upbringing, I am very ok being alone.

I long. O boy do I long at times. Desire. Miss that connection, conversation. Various things and aspects. E and I spent years cuddling as friends. Many nights of just holding each other. Part of me is not willing to let that part dissolve. I am doing ok and would be okay if it didn't and doesn't work. It would and does suck. Big time. Lots about E is so unique, and refreshing......

day by day.

Hate to read that about your boys I had to distance myself from my brother. RIP. But at one point (know it's not the same situation) he had a real problem handling his alcohol and I just couldn't have that around my kids. He passed in 04. We were very close. I miss him terribly.

Enerva, I love the pics. You look so content! I cannot ice skate lol And the bread looks yummy! I need to start trying to do more in the kitchen.

Jazzy, yea I can work from home if need be. But I am only 5 minutes from my office And if the college closes, there'll be no need to work from home anyway :)School has already cancelled for tomorrow. I am going to guess the college will be closed to, or so I am hoping!!

Feeling really tired today but it has been a busy weekend. And I am like a damn kid when it snows! I totally forgot about it until Eddie reminded me this morning but I was jumping on his bed at about 3 am Sat morning, looking out his window, because of the snow lmao

I am such a dork

Enerva

lol symplicity if I don't learn a winter sport I will just jump from my balcony ha ha ha winter here is just brutal today I honestly froze my a 's 's walking to the skate place which is only like 15 minutes walk and then the class but I figured it may help me start liking winter if I find an activity around it lol let's face it I have no money to go live in my dream place lol

So I am trying the pandesal bread again lol changed the recipe to 3 cups of flour and it looks as if this time I got it right . I left it to rise wIle I went to to sakete thing and was happy to see it when I got back. Now waiting for the oven to wa up and also waiting to pick up my cloth from the laundry room. Boring day but very excited about the hole skating thing lol is just very similar to rollerblading so it was a bit easy for me.

I can see me going to Ottawa to try the canal maybe next year. Cuz my trip there at xtmas was kind of boring. The canal was not open yet

Simplicity lol the massager thing yes that is funny the nurse was smiling lol

Talking about that I have never gotten a Bob bUT I must say I had thought about it lol I miss having a guy to cuddle ahh must be hard simplicity but be strong it ll be better with time

jazzygirl

Simplicity- I am much like you, I can feel more alone being around some people than when I am truly alone. I grew up mostly as an only child as my sibs were much older. Self entertaining. There is nothing worse than being around people who are not present with you even if you are sitting right next to them.

So it sounds like the relationship is off but you two are trying to work it out to stay friends?

Enerva

OK ladies these turned out so good I am speechless I try a small portion and holy am I proud of me ha ha ha I must hurry and write down exactly how I made this one lol so I altered the recipe a little and it's just so so good .

I wish you guys could be here to taste. If you are ever in a philipino area or store go in and ask for Pandesal bread. Grab a bag taste it lol then u will see why I am so excited I have been after this bread recipe for a long time lol

Enerva

oh bb is so good so good I honestly never thought I could achieve this good bread in my shift oven lol here I follow this girl she was making vegan version but I made normal one but the mixing principle is the same lol

Oh and the pianist ha ha ha ya that movie was to sad I can't watch sad movies now I use to be able to but I just cry easy now maybe cuz we have so much pain still inside that a little drama can break us?

Simplicity

Jazzy no clue lol Taking it one day at a time. I have a 5 year plan, regardless of anyone being in my life. The plan is easily adjustable, depending.

BB, awful isn't it? I definitely can't watch that movie I am not very articulate, but seem to have my moments. Hope my reply didn't offend in any way. This relationship does remind me of high school a bit. Ha. I'm the one that's done the walking away. His and my walls are definitely up, down, up, down

Enerva, You're inspiring. I need to get out and walk more, per the Dr. But this white stuff all over the roads lol My foot coordination is so awful since chemo and my toes ached so bad Sat night from playing in it.

Everything is closed again tomorrow Yay cause I am tired!

Enerva

OK so today it was -11 with wind -18 no wonder my a 's 's was frozen out there also a crash in our hyw here you can see how we Canadians cant learn . I honestly am nervous when in the highway cuz people are so bad always on my a 's 's and I hate it I leave a lot of space in front but in the back I am always scare they ll lose control and hit me. Watch what was cought on cara in the hyw close to me .

https://www.theweathernetwork.com/videos/gallery/s...

Enerva

well ladies here me back to my routine. I start class tonight I am going to head to school now . This is the accounting I. And is not only expensive but Mondays and Wednesdays nights so I know it will be a hard one plus it goes all the way to April 17 ; (

I just decided to get all the credits for the book keeping certificate since I have done a few of that program 's courses.

I will also look into to the next one for PM. Is not listed yet so no sure when does it start .

I just want to get this one under my belt. I registered last minute too. So I have no book lol I ll go in and hope it will not be a bad class I am not sure what to expect .

Is too cold so I de idea to come home get my car and drive there at least tonight cuz is supper cold and don't feel like waiting for the streetcar at 9:30pm

Will post later this week

Wish you all an amazing week.

Enerva

OK I am not sure how I feel about this class

This teacher said he will no provide slides or any extra material. You must take your own notes wile he talks and talks cuz all the material is in his brain. Humm mm also you must bring the book to Wednesday class cuz he goes by the book. ( that gives me no time to find it cheaper so I had to grab it tonight $153.00

He does not seem to be a friendly guy and I am not sure about this lol

I will give it my best effort but I am already worry lol

Night ladies

jazzygirl

E- accountants tend to be pretty dry personality types. I know plenty of them and took a financial accounting class in an MBA program I started here about 15 years ago (did not like the program so I did not finish, but already have a masters degree). Anyways, if the class seems like it may not be a good fit right now, can you take something else? Accounting classes are tough, lots of problem solving type homework as I recall. I hope this can work, but sounds like an uncertain start?

Speaking of accountants, my accountant for my business sent a letter and said he may be retiring this year. I think we will be fine through the spring but going to need to interview some new accountants to be sure I have something lined up. Not a total surprise, he is pushing 70 and figured he would be making this announcement one of these days.

jazzygirl

I like this and thought you may all like it too?

Enerva

lol yes I like it jazz lol well I will see how the tmw 's class goes. If the teacher is good at explaining the material I should be OK is all about the teacher for me. This will be the only class I ll take for now in order to dedicate the time so I will see how it goes by next class. The bad thing is that I will also need level II if I want that certificate lol oh well I ll wait and I shall see.

The other tax class I took was brutal I beraly pass and those I took for my own personal agenda I was so down that as hole was not a good teacher and I did not grasp much but I kept the books and I ll review on my own time .I really which I could take it again with another teaCher but I can't afford the $ so I must learn as I can from the books alone

Enerva

Ian age to take a picture of all the classes I took so far lol

I think I have done good cosidering all the crap lol

I hope this accounting one is better than the tax course

jazzygirl

E- taxation goes with the accounting stuff, super hard and wish you the best. You have taken a lot of classes so far. What is the cert in, business analysis?

Simplicity

Thats Awesome Enerva. I miss school, learning. But just don't have it in me right now with kids and all. They are older, ugh, but still require supervision les they kill each other haha

Rainy day here. Going to melt away the snow

Enerva

HI ladies. Well I will sent you the list of classes I need to get a book keeping certificate.

For the business analyst I already have one. I took a course last year through work .

For Pm I need to take 2 more and then one to prepare for the exam. Better not think of how many more I need or I get discouraged lol

I am at school now and hope today 's class makes me feel better. Fingers crossed I ll not have such bad luck with this guy. Will try to take as many notes as possible. But I also want to listen to him and sometime if u are taking note you lose track Humm I ll see what is best tonight should give me a sense of what Ithe ll be like.

I ll let you know once I get out of here lol

Enerva

HI bb, I had to quit the real estate at least till I do the 3 courses which I am missing. Also it was very expensive to keep up with the payments having not clients. So I will try to do the courses and then re apply for the lisence jut no point of continuing at it with no $ coming in. The desk fees were $148 a months and I was never in that office. So it was just too much. After I try one of the courses exam and failed twice by 1 point remember. I just couldn't afford to keep the lisence. I will takeep the exam again in a couple of months hope I pass then 2 more and that way the I can reapply when I get some $

Everything is $ and having a single income is just brutal. How I wish I had another income

Hut I must just keep doing small courses to get a certificate under my belt in case there is anything coming my way like to work for a different area.

We must wait.

Tmw I ll go to the hospital again to see the therapist and Humm I haven't done much of what they asked me to ; (

Oh well

Night night

Class today was OK

Maybe I ll be OK with this one