Single life after a mastectomy
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oh jazz we have been through this path already lol and I think I asked Santa last year for an orange unicorn but never got one ; (
Lol how are you ladies I have been just busy with nightmare job and school glad 2 more weeks and pm class ll end. I am chock that tmw is Dec 1st and that the nasty year 2016 is coming to and end . the sad thing is that xtmas use Tobe one happy month for my family and now our loves ones who left, took our xtmas spirits with them oh wait I actually think they were our xtmas spirits and now they are gone. all we have are those memories and xtmas is a month now I wish the earth could open a hole and suck me down. sorry is already affecting me usually It did by Dec 15 now I am sad from Nov 30th
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Whoops, sorry ladies! This is me this year, but minus the gifts underneath.
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lol jazz I am with you lol no gift no tree.
Bb BIL? you mean the teraphy? I am now getting ready to go I do every Thursday . well is good I ll give you details as soon as I get there cuz I ll head there now.
Just wanted to tell you simplicity updated her fb and she says she is still havin issues with anominal scaring she is having another surgery on Dec 21.
I ll post in 30 minutes from the waiting area of the hospital
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o crap lost my post just now.
Bb now I know let me tell you the latest update I got . so my family found another antibiotic and they manage to control his infection . now the problem is that his doctor said that the kidney did not respond well to the surgery . poor guy had a surgery in which a pastic device was placed on his kidney with a long hose coming out his penes and he had to keep that for 3 months in
imagine and then the way they took it out was on local ambulatory pulling the thing down through his private part so of course now he does not want to see that doctor ever again. and the doctor now says since the kidney did not respond is best to place amother tube for a hole year . BIL refuses to see him or any other doctor and you and I know where this is heading . I understand him cuz he us been though hell plus the doctors in vzla are no Tobe trusted plus the money issue and overall I can't blame him for been tired of been hurt. at the same time I fear I wish his kidney start working I guess I am talking about a miracle or what ever believers call it. what we were told is that he was born with a defected kidney so one has always worked have way n the other one may not be good do to been the one working alone all his life so figures I don't know.
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bb me too I wish I had better news. I think this is why I am so in down mode is seems like every year Is harder.
But I will focus on enduring this month and January keep searching for a job even if it is a low paying job . I need to move from that toxic place .
Night all
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oh oh my baby found love again lol
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E- that is a lovely picture. Sorry your man got taken again
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Ha ha bb thanks but I am glad he found love lol
He way to cute to be single. well yesterday I spend the day in bed. got a bad cold and today was able to get up do laundry and clean a bit but no much energy. winter is just no my cup of tea and seems I started on the wrong foot this year.
Hopefully I ll get well soon. I hate to push myself to work when sick but I have no more sick days left I must survive this month to be able to call in sick again next time I get a flue .
Night all hope simplicity is OK I hate she ll be in surgery again but hope this helps her for real is too much she is been through
Night night
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Ohhh any time love lol be right there....
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E- sorry to hear about your cold. I got one a few weeks ago right before Thanksgiving, and still working it's way out. I seem to have a lot of asthma now whenever I get a cold, seems to be what happens first and been bothering me off and on ever since. Same thing happened to me in April. I have a go live next week and pacing myself. I will be done on this contract in three more weeks, pending a final go live and so ready.
I am not on FB much these days, but will keep an eye out too for any news on Simplicity. So many surgeries for her this year, think this will be her 3rd or 4th. Really tough recovery.
Wishing everyone a good week and hope your holiday month is peaceful.
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Morning ladies.
The loss of Melp...I have lost 3 others since
I hate cancer. Sorry I haven't been around. Things have been very...challenging. I have been lurking and try to keep up via email as best I can.
BB-I hope you are feeling better. Holidays are hard. I got my tree up and did no more. Ha. Just don't feel it. Kids go to dad's this year, and stage 3 post DIEP, Dec 21st.
Enerva, feeling better today? Tis the season for ick. NC wild weather is driving my sinus' nuts.
Jazzy, I know things are crazy for you but I do envy you! Wish I could shadow you for like a week! Hope your cold completely leave soon!
Also wish we could 'like' posts here. Some form of acknowledgement? I don't always, and I know others don't always feel like posting. But if we could acknowledge in some way, let others know we are listening? or reading rather. Ha.
Channing is a hottie. For sure.
Things with E and I continue to be challenging. His kids are determined not to allow any type of resemblance to accepting their father is happy. We had to drive to a town near his daughter (22) last night to deliver something and she had wanted to meet E for dinner, but since I rode with him. Bleh.
Then his son (24) goes out to the farm to hunt all the time, and was there all weekend (about an hour away, and he has NO drivers license due to DUI's), but was fussing because "I can't believe you have time for her but not for me" Ugh. E is in a very tough spot. I don't envy him. Very difficult and depressing as I was intentionally NOT invited to Thanksgiving and it brought about a lot of hurt. E told me his daughter didn't want me there, and I told him not to put this on her. He is a grown damn man. Their driving the wedge, not me. I have dorky hopes for a blended family that mine wasn't.
What kind of person cock blocks happiness and positivity for someone they claim to love anyway? Just who does that?
So we are...idk what we are. I know I would be hesitant if the roles were reversed and my kids were being that way. So, trying to be respectful, but also trying not to allow myself to be treated in such a manner. Balance.
Seems all boards have been quiet lately. Guess everyone is busy with holiday stuff. I am almost done shopping, trying to get everything done before Dec 21st. As of now, I am not welcome at E's families for Christmas. He is trying to figure how to best handle the situation. Unfortunately, I cannot help him with this. Something he has to do and decide on his own.
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Simplicty- good to hear from you friend. I am sorry that things are still so hard for you. I will be in go live (I think) with my project on that date, but will be in your pocket that day friend. I want to see you feel better.
And sorry about E. In any situation, people who endless cock block us (and yes I love that term) result in just not wanting to deal with it anymore. Life is short, very difficult, and who wants a hard situation by choice? Cancer has taught me that, I lean away from hard things as best I can. I remind myself of that every time I am in difficult relationships where there is no listening or caring. Trust the way you feel friend. At some point, it all just becomes "enough." Intentionally not inviting someone for a holiday is really unkind.
Sorry to say this, but it sounds like this man is unable to draw better boundaries with these grown kids. Remember that this guy has not been able to have a long term relationship for awhile before you. He may blame it on the work thing, but really think this is probably the reason and maybe that is just a good to know thing. It is easy to blame external things rather than assume your part in any of it. I bet you have stuck around longer than most women, and know you care about him and want this to work. His kids want a relationship with him, that is obvious, but he makes excuses for some of the things that hurt you. Can't we all just get along, I wonder most days?
Keep your holidays simple friend, especially with another surgery on the horizon. Don't let this family pull you down with their family dramas. You deserve better.
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Agree with all of that Jazzy. I do. The flip side is, how I would be if the roles were reversed. Also, he does recognize and was sick to his stomach over it. He is trying to ween them. The last GF left because he worked too much. Being a chemist, there are times you just can't walk away from your work. Once you start a reaction, you have to stick around. And other things about what he does. That said, relationshipping is new to him, especially as long as I have lasted. Hard to discern when to give up and when not to. I have to try to trust his process. They are his kids. Hard spot to be in. Cancer taught me more patience than I ever knew I was capable of.
We had a good talk yesterday and Sat night. I believe it's just going to be a process.....a hard one
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You're right BB. They aren't kids, but no matter the age, they will always be "our kids". They are dysfunctional. But I think we all are to a degree. Everyone has different situations and handles those situations differently. I am kind of biding my time. His DS's court was postponed, again, to Jan 9th. So kind of wading through the holidays, see how things play out. I have places I can go. It's more the point of him not standing up for 'us', and he knows he runs the risk of losing me-with no ultimatum from me. But I am a very transparent person and have no issues explaining, respectively (most the time) why I am upset or frustrated. There are many different perspectives to consider. Trust me. Its something that runs through my mind often. I chose to share this part of my life with him, and I did so for a reason (with 10 years of consideration lol) his kids were an unknown factor as far as their acceptance. And, really, it's not me, it's the idea of me. As much as they try to make it personal, it really isn't. Has really nothing to do with me as a person. Does that make sense?
That all said, I am admittedly in a fight or flight pattern and have been for some time. Some reason, it feels like 'it' (whatever it is) is right there.
Then again, maybe I am just a hopeless dreamer and this isn't as much or what I thought it was. Time will tell soon enough.
I love that were all kind of protective of each other
I do appreciate y'alls perspective and opinion. I am emotionally pulling back. Preparing I think........
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lol ya simplicity I get you. me too I love here we always jump every time one of us is hurting but u are right the kids are just upset at the fact they must share his love lol kind of reminds me of me when my dad past away I was very selfish I never wanted my mom to find another man but my dad was so bad to my mom that she never wanted to meet another after I grew up It made me sad to learn so many things
Anyway u do what ever your hearth says we are here for you. I am just very worry about all the health issues hope u get well soon.
Night night all
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Simplicity- maybe the question here we women often forget is "what do I want?" We are all so used to fitting around everyone else's everything, you can find yourself so easily lost in other peoples stuff. E does have a certain kind of job one has to complete vs. calling it a day (I used to work as a geochemist in the oil industry in another life) and then these dynamics with his children.
There are a couple more holidays coming up. Maybe the question now is, what would you like those holidays look like? You will be healing from surgery before Xmas, so maybe needing to take things easy. But then there is New Years (and sometimes that is just taking a nice hike or something on New Years Day is a nice way to celebrate). Decide what you want for yourself and ask him to participate (sans adult children) and hopefully he will lean in, but if not, you will very likely create your own nice experience.
I think holidays are very hard going through bc and then with recovery. Sometimes we just have to create what feels good for ourselves and feeds our soul?
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HI ladies I am sick like a dog and well I must force myself to keep going there. I must say I havent apply to jobs this 2 weeks but I know I must keep at it I think my moral is down a lot
I keep wondering what to do about my life ? it seems I am just a robot who get up every day and moves her way to work then school then home again I am starting to look at myself different now and I am no liking me. have u guys every get into to saying why don't I cut my fking hair off and end the maintanace nightmare ? Takes 40 minutes to dry my hair ..
then I loOK back how I cry with Unger when my hair was short and I hate it even more ? ha ha ha ya I think my depression is kicking in or aproaching 44 with no savings no love no good job not country to call home I am just feeling empty guys I honestly hate to vent here cuz I know you ladies have it hard at your end so let just change the subject .
on my way home I stopped at the store and grab some brown sugar vanilla extract nuts and bananas . I have no clue why but I have been wanting to make banana bread for ever and I never have. I got a recipe from the Internet and a's soon as the bananas get ripe I ll try .
I haven't exercise and I am supposed to do specific exercise with an elastic for my sholder
what is wrong with me ? how is it I find no desire these days to do much I just want to be able to go to bed and I don't want to get out of it . I did that Saturday with the flue but the headche was brutal so still was no able to rest I am exhausted every day I put a fake smile on me and I go about but inside I just wish I could tell everybody to not even talk to me. every night my sinus does not allow me to sleep and I am not sure how long ll it last this time. I just want December to go away fast lol
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All of you are so sweet
I want us to be together and allowed to grow and flourish with the support or at least acceptance of his loved ones. This has affected his whole circle of family and friends.
Funny, we went to run errands last night and DS was going to go until he found out I was going. It is comical at times. He plans to take me to my procedure 12/21, and suggested I stay at his place (he's a good bit closer to the Dr's office). I reminded him DD will be home. "Eh. Guess we'll have to cross some bridges as we get to them"
BB-my family and friends have too. I don't get their mindset either. But E say's it's time. Things aren't all about them like they use to be. It is a process and I can't really expect it (and other humans) to move at my pace? I think therapy is good. I have had nothing but good experiences. How have you been feeling lately?
Jazzy, dating a chemist requires lots of patience and understanding lol A LOT
O Enerva. This is the best place to vent
Vent away. You seem to handle it ok thou. All this stuff is hard poo poo. Life in general. Problems are problems and interrupt the eb and flow of things, no matter what the problem is. I have been in a bad emotional state. Part of why I haven't been posting. I sometimes hate to dump here too with everything everyone has going on.One of my single mom friends just had to check her youngest twin daughter into a psych ward on suicide watch
That happened last Thursday I think. She is coming home today. Believe she is 15 or 16? I am also staying a bit occupied with a fun Christmas thing
A local mom has been diagnosed as terminal at under 40 (my friend isn't sure of her age). My friend called in her army and helped me a lot over the course. So I have called upon my army to brighten this families holidays She was in the hospital last week and had to go in for an emergency 2nd surgery with inflammation and additional infection from expanders. The cancer has gone into her breast bone and lungs. My friend says she just cries and cries. I have friends in local organizations so I got them involved and so happy that she has given permission for more to reach out to her for emergency assistance! 0 -
Simplicity- I saw on FB that you have had some healing going on in some part of the surgery areas. That is good news sister. Those small healings all add up towards the bigger one going on. No one prepares you for how long it takes to get better from everything (took me years.....) I am glad to hear E is helping you on the surgery day.
E- I hope you are feeling better from the cold. Mine lingered and also created asthma problems. Did you make the banana bread?
I am a week out from go live and today I told myself it is a good thing this contract ends in three weeks as I was ready to tell some pretty high up people to shove it today. Not something you can do as a consultant, but it tells me my patience has been worn thin and time to go. Got some better things on the horizon for the new year.
I may not be here much until after the Xmas holiday so blessings to everyone for a peaceful season. Heading to the hot springs on Xmas Eve.
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E - i am so sorry that you're sick and the ex....hopefully new year will bring you a brand new year, a new happy job. and you can put all those behind you.
simplicity - sounds like you surgery went well from jazzy's post
all, hope you all enjoy the coming holidays...our office will close for a week and i am looking forward to that.
just put in a 70 hour week, so exhausted.
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HI ladies well I made the banana bread lol my place smells amazing and it looks so yummy lol tmw I will try . I only made it today cuz I was waiting for the bananas to go ripe lol
Here is what it looks like . I am not sure how it turn out cuz I modify a little the recipe I used glutten free flower and no salt well I forgot about the salt lol but I used salted butter so hope that ll give enough taste ll tell tmw .but here is the bread lol oh and I am addicted to parchment paper so I used it to bake it lol
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Jazzy, that looks so nice!! But, where are the pillows?
Juneping, yes, finally things are physically calming down! Been a weird, rough road. Hope you are feeling ok. 70 hours? Yuck.
Enerva, you're making me hungry! That looks delicious!
BB- Apologies if my post came across wrong. I agree with all of you really. There are just other perspectives my brain considers (stupid brain. running at like 100 gazillion processes a minute lately it seems). Hope you had a good weekend and are feeling ok.
I am so tired. Trying to ween off my anti anxiety (habit forming) a bit, and have been doing ok but feeling very anxious. Go figure. Dr upped my prozac (did I already mention all this?). So I think all that has been adding to all the various stressors.
Hope all have a good day.
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Good morning friends- got away for the weekend and it did me good.
E- that break looks delish. It looks like it should. If you want more of a loaf form, get a bread pan, but perhaps you did use that and then took it out to cool in the other? How did it taste? One of my friends used to add chocolate chips to her banana bread. Try that sometime too. Also yummy!
Simplicity- lots of anxiety goes with all this stuff. I have had some anxiety issues in my life and they came back full force during dx and treatment. Most of the time, any aches and pain goes straight to the thoughts of cancer progression. And I think we all understand the importance of the relationship with E to your life, we just want you to be well and happy!
The springs have chairs like you see and also hammocks too. In the winter months, usually no hanging out in those as it is too cold! The place is more earthly than cushy.
June- hugs sister, and I can relate. I have been working 50-60 hours a week for the past few weeks and heading in to my go live (unless it gets derailed by one particular person who has been trying to since we started) at our two final meetings this week. I will be facing long hours this week starting on Thursday. Thankfully I am almost done with this awful project. Did you have to meet a deadline?
BB- hope you are doing okay.
Have a good week everyone. Will pop in again when I can......
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oh is been a few hard days for me. I am OK bread was so so good I finished in 3 days lol I wanted to eat it all in one day. Lol I am now waiting for banana to ripe up hahaha ha is funny I never try to make it before and this recepe turn out to be so easy I could not believe I was capable of making it so good lol now I am in big trouble I just want to eat it again lol
Well let's be honest I just want the bloody month to end lol I have been staying away from fb and any other place where people may ask me to join then for xmast a polish friend already got upset cuz I refused her invitación and I am sorry but I had to actually liy and say I was going to Montreal lol cuz this is some one so pushy but so pushy she does not take no for an answer so I said I am going away 4 days that way I have a good excuse she did not respond so I figure she is not going to talk to me for a wile.
Guys I am really sorry but I am not the person who goes to other people Xmats party and enjoy been there . It makes me sad to see families together and no been in my on family no even a love one. People try and try and insist they can make me happy but I apreciate the gesture but no thanks I just want to be alone in my cave lol
I will watch a movie and enjoy sleeping In and maybe go for a walk that is my plan and I hate people feel like they must save me from my poor lonely life lol well no thanks I am OK
On the other hand I have a week off coming up and I am hopping I can study for my morgatge exam which is coming up.
Other than that my final exam for exel level 2 is tmow and then is all done no more night classes till next year.
Bb how are you with your back problems. I started to exercise a little and I feel better
Hope all are having a great evening
Sending u all hugs
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Good evening friends- not a good week this way either. My go live started on Friday evening and long day Friday and some yesterday. I picked up another cold, but started feeling worse over the weekend so I went to urgent care today and found out I have a viral resp infection. It is making my asthma much worse and have really not been well since Thanksgiving weekend. I am cancelled my weekend plans to go to the springs next weekend, and will stay home and rest instead. The end of the years holidays will be a wash for me, but it is helping me to think through why this is happening and how I will not put myself in this situation again next year. Right now, my goal is to get well and finish this contract and get on to the new year. I have time off planned in early 2017 to get back to center and going to rebook to go in January (and mid week) when it won't be as busy and will also will be less expensive. Plan B, so to speak.
The go live is going well, and that is the good news. But I cannot pull off the long hours this week so getting my support team augmented for the duration of the support. By end of the week, we should be in post production support and next week I will wrap up. Can't wait to be free of this project and a few people......
E- FB is not a good place anymore. I have stopped posting there and have people reaching out to me asking me where I am, why I am not around as much, etc. I know it is the time of year everyone is celebrating, but I am busy with work and not much free time this way. I have some friends with politics very opposite of mine and just want to bait me for arguments, so I stay away. Not a good use of my time. Several friends I know have asked FB to delete their accounts and if it is not a good place, encourage you to do so as well. But I realize it may be a good way to keep in touch with your family around the world. I just read now for the most part and don't share much anymore. Bad behavior is rewarded with my silence.
And I really don't do that much holiday stuff either. I got invited to one Xmas party this year (last night) but could not go due to the go live and work yesterday. Holidays are not fun for many people and many don't realize that. I have a friend who is super in to it, and goes on and on about her holiday plans each year despite the fact she knows I am not into it. I will tell you more often than not, most people I hear from have had a difficult year and are not into celebrating this year. So you do what fits for you. Tis the season to ignore people sometimes. We don't have to be anyone's audience on social media.
Wishing you all a good week and for those who enjoy the season, par-tay on!
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oh wow I am so sad you got sick I tell you last cold I got I wish I had my mom alive lol it has never struck me so bad I had a bad 5 days straight then slowly went better but ya I can see the stress of the go life influencing your health too. I am still trying to smile every day but inside I am not a very Xmast person and is sad I use to.
On that note my nephew sent me a text saying he was going to pass by on 24th and I responded no thanks I am not celebrating anything this year and he said ." Oh I was just going to visit u" I said " nah is OK enjoy it with your family" and that was it . I am just not willing to pretend he is my family anymore. The kid never contacts me not even to say hi and he think he can visit me on xtmas day to say he cares well I am sorry I stop caring. I am a cold person now I am sick of people dissapoiting me year after year. There is something I never shared with you but 5 months ago I gave my car to him. I got into those crazy days of depression and I went to a dealer and I changed my car. Wish I kind of regreat cuz I now have a payment extra. But anyway I gave my car to my nephew that was my plan all along . Well guess what he did a week ago. ? He sent me a text saying " oh I changed the car" I got a newer car now. Then I said what? But xxxxx is too soon you are supposed to enjoying not having a car payment for a wile. How are you going to manage? He said well I usually work OT it ll be OK. Then I said what about my car? Did you trade it in?
He said" oh we decided to give it to xxxxx ''s brother"
So I said nothing but I got so upset. So he gave my car to his wife' 's brother just like that.
If I had sold the car private I could at least make 2k
So ya that is the last thing the kid do to me I a big idiot. I honestly have no idea why I am always stepped on by who ever I try to help. But that is the last thing .
A few days after he msg me " now I need to get winter tires " my response " ask your brother in law to give those to u as a xtmas gift"
Then he reply lol
Fffffff him , I am be on piss guys my car was never intended to go to his wife relatives wth?
That is it I am erasing him from my book. I will change all my insurance crap which I have his name as sole beneficiary when I dye if anything is left I ll donate to my sister ''s child but my nephew can now forget I am alive . This was the drop that filled out my glass
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jazz hope you get better soon.
I am sure after the project is over you ll get real rest.
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Hi ladies- hoping everyone survived the week before Xmas. We finished our production support for the change and now I just have to wrap up this contract next week and go. Lots of accrued needs to get to in January, plus some new biz coming too, but first, some much needed rest and re-connection with friends. I managed to pull through the latest round of crud, but think I will go see my PCP for a fuller check up on my resp system in January.
Wishing everyone a peaceful holiday weekend whether you are spending time taking care of yourselves, enjoying loved ones, or a bit of both.
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happy holidays everyone!!
spending the xmas eve by myself....
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BB - i am okay to spend tonight by myself. i am supposed to meet up w a friend tomorrow. i'd rather spend the time alone instead w a bunch of people that I don't enjoy their companies. i think the older i get, the more i value my time.
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