Single life after a mastectomy
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HI ladies well I am just getting up lol 10am but went to bed around 2am watching TV yaaa I have lots to study but didn't want to last night lol
Simplicity I am sorry it eneded not cuz it ended per say but cuz this is going to hurt for a wile. I know exactly how it is. I didn't tell you guys but my ex sister in law and ex mom in law send me msg inviting me to their home for xtmas and I said no. I wish o have seen the girls and them but I didn't want to see my ex.
Simplicity is no going to be easy but is doable and keep positive mind this year ll be a fresh start. Focus on your health and once health you ll find love again if that is what u need at the time.
I wanted to tell you all about my phisio therapy I go there now every thursday morning and get some hard core massage on my rad side and some exercise talk and some other well-being talk lol BTW all I want is the massage I can skip the talk's but it seems they enjoy so much my visit that I feel bad to say I don't want to continue lol
It like I must or else . But again is doable for now.
I have no plans every year I am in my cave just bored and with things I need to do like study but do not want to lol
I may go out to wall mart or the nursery just to walk around I have no $ to spend. I need to buy milk and small things from the supertmarket .
That is all . Oh I also have a botitle of red wine lol maybe I ll drink some tonight lol
But I feel bad to open a bottle since I know I won't finish it. 1 or 2 drinks and I ll be ready to bed .
I will post later when I get back I need to get out cuz tmw ll be all close
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Simplicity- good to hear from you and know that was a difficult thing to do to end your relationship. Like E says, it will sting for awhile, but think being around that toxic family situation is not great for someone like you who is trying to recover from a whole lot of medical care. I personally found that people who were not nice to me after diagnosis, during treatment, and since had to go. I don't expect everyone to be able to step up and help, but do feel being unkind to people during all this is not acceptable. I don't miss those people, although I still feel disappointed in the way they treated me. Karma has it's way with people and sooner or later, everyone has some type of serious illness.
Wishing you a better year sister. I think this will help you to be free of a lot of stuff you don't need in your life.
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bb is wierd, but I learn that my ex haven't find another yet. I guess that is why his family keeps inviting me over to visit. But is not so easy I did care for him and it took a lot of time and hurt to walk away so I don't want to be close to him again cuz he never really loved me. He does have strong phisical attraction but I need more. I wish he was the guy whom I could grow old with but I learned he was always concern about his dreams and his goals and never ever included me in his future plans so basically I was just his friend with benefits and I got tire of it. Yes I miss the sex lol but I wanted someone whom could be there for me 100% not just for bed. Also thinking back at how much I did and how many km I drove always me the one going to him and always him been the center of my world and I was neglecting me. So nahhh I will keep my car park and my days to myself I need to care for me now. Jazz once told me I must start thinking of me and I opened my eyes recently so many people disappointed me lately that I have to shift my energy to me
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HAPPY AND HEALTHY 2017 TO EVERYONE.............was really surprised to see comments about me, thank you all for caring.......I have been really busy lately, moved house, lots of other stuff going on........still some challenges re where I am living but so much better than where I was before.......my ex has apparently seen the light and has behaved incredibly well, supportive, caring pro-active, when I asked him what had happened to him he said he was not at all happy with the way he had treated with me and had woken up and decided to start being the person he was years ago......it has been about 8 weeks now and he is still sustaining it (!!!!!!).....
I made the decisión to let him help and support me as I need it............its stirring up old feelings but I don´t think I could ever trust him with my heart again..... .I am trying to push cáncer to the background.......and have been very busy working on my huge complaint to the system (not the hospital) about my recon situation and the way they have behaved towards me.....its almost ready to submit now but then I got all scared about the 9 hour surgery and whether it will increase my risk of cáncer recurrence......etc........it all feels like mindf.....ery................never an easy answer and all I know is I still carry a deep profound sadness in my soul about my state and feel so incomplete........then I get angry with myself as others are no longer here (like Torridon who I spoke to on the phone any times).......its a need to feel whole again...but a 9 hour surgery.....with my history..........and I will need practical support afterwards etc.............
however I am a LOT happier this year than I was last year.....I have made a lot of changes, done a lot of emotional work, am no longer repulsed by my image in the mirror but still cringe away and never look at both sides together..............
I might not post a lot but do pop in and read to keep up to speed but have been totally overwhelmed with so much going on lately.......nd have been eating and drinking really badly lately...............my jeans are tight on me now.......so I need to get serious about my regime next year...........
Wishing everyone all the best for the year ahead and hope I have made sense.......
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Enerva - yes do shift your energy to you but try and stay open............same for you BB
Jazzy you rock......
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Lily- great to hear from you and also really good to hear you have been doing better. I am glad your ex realized that he was not treating you well (it is always refreshing when people who have mistreated us see the light and come back later to say as much). Allowing him to help you through any future procedures is a good thing. You will need the help and if he is stepping up to offer support, take it! Good to hear you have a better place to live. How are the dogs? We care about you and love to hear how you are doing! Feel free to pop in here whenever it works for you......
E- I think it was good to stay away from the family gathering. The family really loves you and wants to include you, but your ex sounded like it was always about him? It is exhausting to do all the work in a relationship. If you really wanted to see them minus the ex, you could make arrangements to see them outside of a holiday gathering (meet for coffee, etc.) But I am not sure I hear you even want to do that. If you don't go, my guess is they will probably stopping asking you with time.
BB- I am in for the evening too. I was out and about today, but heavy rains are back this afternoon and going to enjoy a nice nap and then some movies tonight. I like not having the pressure of having to be anywhere this evening. Ready to say goodbye to 2016 and on to 2017!
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oh lili thanks for coming back.
We are here if you need to vent or share anything .I am happy you are fighting back to the system I also think they were cruel to you and yes you go girl. I understand the fear of the surgery but it may be less hours . They always exagerate the hours a bit. Anyway wish you all a wonderful new page and health and love and all that your hearts may desire
I found a few good quotes to share here lol
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happy new year!!!
What a beautiful day here cold but the sun is so beautiful bright I think this is a good sing lol gorgeous day. And I just woke up 10am again lol oh well is OK I haven't been able to sleep on in so long
How is everybody this morning ready to start the first page of this 2017 book?
Lol OK OK I am extra happy no idea why cuz I was sad yesterday my relative I'm Maseille have been filling very sick and I have a feeling is her time ; (
I will keep u all posted
Have a great day everybody
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Happy New Year friends- had a quiet evening at home and slept really well too (like you E), except for the gun fire. That is right, nothing like living in the wild west. Here in NM, the local shoot off their guns up in the air at midnight. Except last night it started around 8-9 p.m. I woke up around midnight with a lot of sound in the neighborhood behind me. Despite that, the sleep was plentiful and deep. That comes with being done with the contract. I felt myself finally let go yesterday......
My house has been a complete mess so I woke up and got cleaning up the bedroom area and putting some things together for my yoga retreat that is coming up soon. Binge watching Girls on HBO while I am getting some things done around the house. Putting together a nice brie with some fresh french bread and some fruit and jam and going to my music jam in a few more hours. It is a rainy day here and will be nice to hang out with friends I have not seen in awhile and enjoy making music.
E- what is happening with your friend in France? Did you hear something over the holidays? I am sad to hear you may loose another person that you love.
I think the start of a new year always gives us renewed hope. Out with the old, in with the new, yes? Fresh year, with new opportunities. I always like to reflect on the year that has passed, what worked and what didn't, and what I want more of (or less of) in the new year. It is my hope for all here that this coming year will bring more of you want in your life!
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bb lol me too I stopped believing in most things but this sun today made my day I must admit I love the sun no matter how hot it can get I will always rather have sun than shade. Plus this past few weeks have been so dar here cold and miserable that I saw the brightness coming through my window and I felt so good lol so yes this has to be a good sign one of those I used to believe in lol
May this year be sunny for all of us
Jazz my friend in france is still taking c treatment in form of pills but she is still going . The one sick is actually grandmom remember my brother in law mother who I called mami. I went to care for her and papi for a week . We'll her she is sick and imagine taking care of her husband alone all these months is just brutal. My sister and my brother in law were there for xtmas and my brother in law left to go work . My sister stayed till Jan 07 . So I worry once my sister leave she stays alone again and she is not well so I fear soon she will past. And once she is gone they will put papi in a home. It makes me very sad cuz I have debts and rent apt so I can't just pickup and go but how I wish I could.
This is her taking a yogurt by force cuz she hasn't been eathing much and I ask her to try at least a yogurt or something.
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oh bb yes , please try but don't feel bad is just life and most of us are stuck in a situation we just can't do more. I have been thinking a lot lately In how I became in debt when I used to even have savings . And all went to hell alone with bc . But yes she is like my grandmother cuz I called her so I actually met them when I was 15 and I became theirs and they became mine h ha ha I have special bond with them it's crazy but my sister had a hard time with them but not me somehow they loved me so much I used to go to france and spend weeks alone with them. And who knows maybe there is a extrange conexión they treated me like a daughter or grand daughter. My sister always complained she didn't get how was it possible I learned french with those two people whom never even welcome her much but I think it was cuz she was married to their baby boy lol u know how it is. Anyway now that they are old I feel so sad I want to care for them but I can't. I have no money for scaping my life here. I think the old age and alzaimer papi lost his mind and these past few years have been so hard for grandma to care for him by herself . The problem is the history you see they were never so nice to my sister so we can force her to care for them now. She does for a week at the time and that is more than their own daughter. There are 2 children my brother in law and his sister. The lady never visits them she never cares for them she only gives them a phone call and that is it. The time I went I made sure they had food ready and I made papi paint again he was a brilliant painter in his time. Now his mind is gone. He asks the same things over and over again and even mami has no more patience is very very sad I was exhausted when I came back but I was more sad to leave her alone to go on. Anyway now I am afraid this maybe be it. I ll let you guys know.
Yesterday I sent 2 parcels one for them with 2 crochet roses for her and a little car which needs to be put together with screws and parts. Like a child little project I am sure papi ll have fun doing that in the table. He is now like a little child and needs things to ocupay his mind .
I also send 2 roses to my good friend who has c. It should all arrive next week or so. I got off course distracted and fail to send before for xtmas.
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Morning everyone. Hey Lily!
Hope all are doing ok this am. Back to work here after 2 weeks off. Ick.
Just got back from the Onc's and the side effects keep coming. eh. I have osteopenia and have to start the prolia shots next week
Isn't it enough to go through what we do? Why does the body have to be such a bitch? UghSpent NYE down at the neighbors playing cards against humanity and drank too much lol My face hurt we laughed so much!
Hopefully this year will be kinder to us all. We deserve it.
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Aww
Absolutely.
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Simplicity- hope you can adjust okay to being back to work. With respect to Prolia, my experience is very limited SEs with the shots. You will get them twice a year and you may feel flu-ish and achey for two days after, but it passes relatively quickly. So I would say try to get the shot on a friday if you can so you have the weekend to take it easy. I am getting my next one in a few more weeks as part of my next follow up with the MO end of the month.
And I hear what you are saying. I was not taking any meds until I got cancer, now I take a bunch. Chemo and the AIs throw our body chemistry off and have found it creates a lot of other long term problems. I am working with an endocrinologist and she is helping me to get some things worked out though, including some weight loss. My MO actually suggested I see one and took him up on it. Cancer changes everything and it is the gift that keeps on giving....
BB- wishing you a good start to the new year!
E- sounds like something shifted for you in the new year. Grateful for those small healing releases!
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BB- feel free to PM any time about the endocrinologist. The water PT sounds great. I love the water.
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Morning ladies.
Thanks for the advice Jazzy. Guess I should change next weeks Tue appt to Fri lol UGH One more thing. I was an average 41yr old with no real medical issues, then BAM. I hate that I am on all these med's and how they affect me, and how dependent my body & mind has become on them. I tried to ween off my anti anxiety over Christmas break. Yea. Didn't go so well. Ha
BB-So nice to read some pep in your type!! I can imagine water PT to be very helpful. I'm a pisces and looooove the water but the past almost 2 years has been limited with all this. There will be camping and kayaking next summer. My soul needs it.
Enerva, that is so cool and admirable that you and them both accept each other, despite the situation.
Well, PS visit yesterday, and may have (3) more procedures, in office. All are small and cosmetic really. Won't take long and no recovery time. Just have to decide what to do. I know me, and if I don't take care of it now, I may never.
Anyone up for looking at pics and providing input?
Hope all have a great day.
Oh PS. I found this article the other day, and it explains perfectly how the negativity surrounding E and I sucked me dry.
http://www.spiritualunite.com/articles/5-ways-for-...
Quick story (one of a few).
A HS friend had been in a bad relationship way back. He had held her hostage, beat and raped her for three days in a little cabin.
Fast forward a couple years. Her and I go to the mall. We lived maybe 1.5 miles apart with the police department between us. She drops me off. Not maybe 2 minutes after she leaves I look at my mom and say "somethings not right".
I call my friend "Is everything ok?"
No
"Someones in your house, aren't they?"
Yes
"Hold on. I am calling the police"
Short of it. My phone call scared him away. He had broken into her house and was waiting for her when she got home. She was shaken up but fine. Cops took like an hour to get there (you can bet your ass I called the PD, spoke to the chief, and chewed his ass out).
All these years I thought I freaked her out. She was very grateful and convinced I saved her life. We lost touch with the exception of hello's here and there.
She messaged me about a year ago and said "I was talking to my kids and telling them about that day. I am not sure I ever told you, but thank you. You saved my life"
She has always thought me an empath. There's other things that have happened in my life that lead to the same...thought.
Anyway, I thought the article hit it spot on.
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Didn't I see June in here a page or so back? Hey June!
Hey Lily!
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Simplicity- I am a more sensitive person myself, although most don't see me that way in the business world. I deal with so many really emotionally needy and draining people sometimes that it can really trash me. But that is where the strict boundaries come in. I have come to realize as I age and after cancer that few people have them, so you better have them. I find other people refreshing who know how to say no!
I won't say I grew up with great boundaries because of my family of origin, but life has taught me to have stricter ones. Cancer has also taught me to better speak up for my needs. When someone is trying to push at me to do something that is not in my best interest, I have learned to say "I am not doing that so you need to go find someone who will." With time, you will integrate all the lessons from this experience, which you cannot do while you are just trying to heal. And, I always think that people should have common sense about the way they treat a person with a serious health situation, injury, etc. but many just keep coming with whatever crap they have going on.
What I never heard from you about your relationship with E is that he was the problem. But the family surrounding him was. Having been there in the past in relationships, I know it does drain you. I predict you will have a better stronger recovery now with this out of your life. Self preservation dear.
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HI ladies lol I cut my bands by myself lol another video from YouTube lol OK I will try to control myself with the videos ha ha ha I haven't had band's since I was a little girl ha ha so here it is lol
I feel it tool a few years away lol
I ll share the video
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Love it Enerva!
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lol bb here is the video in case you ever want to try bands
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E- love the bangs. I used to have them for years and been thinking about them again. May be my next hair cut?
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bb Humm bleach is the worse that is why I stopped been a blonde
I do miss it but the bleach destroyed my hair so much .Remember how I was so freaked out with my hair lol well the only thing that helped me was to go brunet and to apply coconut oil once a week every Sunday I raped up my hair with coconut oil and then just wash it off. Also the shampoo I had to changed it I was a panting girl for ever then I realized the scul was always so dry then used a medicated shampoo and it was worse. I also think your medIcation is affecting your hair. I need to buy biotin again I found the bottle I got and expired Last year try to grab some vitamine for hair. But I need to stay away from YouTube lol o am very impulsive and I see something that looks easy and I am in trouble lol is been at least 4 an half years since I got my hair cut by a professional lol when I got bc and had to do it.
I am so silly
Bb the thing with hair is that we must have patience
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I had butt long thick curly hair before chemo. Came back the same but seems to be taking forever of course to grow
And I still have a bald spot in the back. Easily covered but still...Oh snow. C'mon snow!
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men's rogaine? I must read about it .
I must admit I have been lazy this week
And there is a show called switch at birth which had me sucked in lol
I must say hair is one thing that drives me cucu and I try not to mess it up but I always do. So far these bands are not bad I am very please lol
I know this won't last so that is a good thing hair grows quite fast once you forget about it lol
I am now cooking I forgot to eat lunch and now I am so hungry and is 4:32pm I must eat before 6 no meals after 6 that is my rule lol
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Thanks BB but naw. Idc really. Probably feel differently if I could see it all the time lol
Snow plans made
Drinks & cards against humanity at neighbors. Hopefully some late night sledding! They're really talking this storm up.0 -
wow no snow for Toronto so far. Wonder how is it in new Mexico ?
Jazz did you get lots of snow? We got a lot before Dec 24th but not on xtmas eve or week after it been raining a lot and no so cold plus 4 and low of 0 so we have been lucky
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E- New Mexico is getting some snow in the mountains. We are getting rounds of storms off the west coast and it is bringing much needed moisture to our state. It has been overcast and windy all day and when I came home from the gym around 5 p.m., it was starting to rain. Sounds like the mountains will get more snow today into tomorrow.
I am hoping to go snow shoeing when I am up at my yoga retreat the weekend after next. There is a great place to go there and when I did the retreat last year, I had just gotten my Prolia shot and was too achey to even think about it. This year I was able to catch the earlier retreat (she does 2 in January) one and it looks like there may be fresh snow coming there next weekend. Yoga and snowshoeing, yay!
Simplicity- I love sledding. Brings back memories of childhood. I spent my winters outdoors playing in the snow and ice skating. Sounds like you guys are getting a good sized storm?
BB- I am glad to hear you will take some of the Xmas money and have someone work on your hair. Whenever I get cash for birthday or Xmas, I do self care things. Nice way to pamper yourself. I did not do chemo and thus, did not loose my hair but do notice it is not the same on the AIs. My hair stylist has helped me to find good styles that work for me now that make my hair look fuller. Show us pic of your new do when you are all done?
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Morning ladies.
Jazzy- yea. They are calling for 4-8 inches. A big deal for the South lol
BB- Im with the others. You deserve it. Self preservation sweetie
Hope all have a great day
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Good morning ladies- so wow, waking up to a big snow storm here today. The valley here will get anywhere from 1-4 inches, but hearing other parts of the state (eastern plains) getting up to 17 inches. Moisture is good for us in the desert. I may have to adjust my plans for today to go to yoga and a movie. But fortunately, I have no places I have to be today, which is a good thing.
Simplicity- yes, that is a lot of snow for your area. I am sure like us you don't have a lot of plows either? Be safe on the road sister.
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