Single life after a mastectomy
Comments
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oops, a couple of typos on previous post, typing on my phone! I have not initiated a divorce and I am 90% sure I will divorce DUE to not die to, what he did.
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Good morning friends, Bak94 welcome, sorry about all you are going through.
I dont think you will like my advise but here it goes.
I think you need to analyze and or conciser that you are not yet single. I understand your husb did something very bad and had been sent away but he is still your husb and he is still half owner of your home? That been said remember my advise is only if i try to imagine that happening to me so what could i do?
Anyway i would ask very polity to this new man to please find a new place to live. I would tell him I have strong feelings and it could all be due to all that has been happening to me so i am not in the right place right now to start a relationship. If you are for real then you should move out and we can continue to date but this getting involve with my tenant is not something i need right now.
I also could focus on my current situation. What do i want to do regarding my husband? Do i get a lawyer and start the divorce process?
I would also list the room or apt or what ever you are renting with a big sign that says women only. I hate to tell you but this man may just be looking for an opportunity. Please dont get me wrong but i had a friend in a similar situation she got involve with her tenant and then the guy stop the rent payments and all kind of $ support to her house and she had to get a lawyer to draft a document where he sign he was not entitle to the house etc etc that relationship lasted 15 years the guy ended up buying his own condo and now goes and have her and his single life too. so there i am just telling you you are a grown woman and you need to think smart here. If this man do wants something more with you then he will understand that at this moment you are not really available. If he moves out and you want to have some fun then do so. I again ask you to forgive me i am just trying to help you but i am not one to say what to do. I feel you need a lot of time to yourself to care for your own situation before getting into a more messy one ?
Jazz , yes i think my BS must have sent a note and now that PS imbecile is trying to give me a referral which i refused in the first place ? I will cancel that appointment but first i will google this dr. to find out who he is?
i will let you know what i find.
I wish you all a happy happy Friday
love you all
and Bark94 wellcome again hope you make the right choice and if not then fell free to share here we all try to listen to each other and we are very kind people
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Enerva
Thank you so much for your advice, i think it is great advice! One of my good friend's just told me the same thing a couple of days ago, and it makes a lot of sense. She said definitely close one chapter before beginning another. It is weird to say, but I do still love my husband, just not in the same way anymore. He has been my best friend for 20 years. If you don't mind, I would like to send you a private message to tell you what he did. You have solid advice and I would like more! And my feelings may be strong because of the male attention that I have not had in awhile, and he has been such a great help around the house. I know what you mean about only renting to a woman, and women please do not get offended about what I am going to say, but few women can do the work he has been doing around here. Helping with downed fences, leaky roof, moving heavy items. Unfortunately I can't afford to pay for help, and all my friends seem to be too busy to help. This seemed like the perfect situation, until I started to have feelings. I have told my husband I have feelings for this guy, not that we kissed. I will tell him soon, I don't want to hide anything from him. I know you are right, and I know that is the right thing to do. So thank you for just coming out and saying it! I feel I came here for advice, and I will listen to all of it without being mad or offended! I think I need a slap in the face to bring me back to reality!
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bak94, he does not have to live at your house to help you! If he is genuine he will understand and still want to help. I think Enerva gave great advice. You can also divorce your husband and still be friends afterwards. You are in a vulnerable place, be your own emotional security guard until you feel settled in yourself, and thats hard to do with what happened with your husband.
Take great care of you
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HI ladies, few updates
Oh bark I am happy you have a friend to talk to. So yes I know what you mean. I had to do reno all alone at 1 point and I now have such respect for construction workers lol
Please like lilies said .if these is ment to be it ll be. Just now is time to take care of you alone. Your treatment your emotional health .your hub all that . Then you ll be able to go next level with this guy if he us for real he ll be there 4 you.
So I few things. I had my physical this week and I mentioned to my family Dr. That the 2 moulds in my nose came back. I wanted her opinion. She say" humm" " go take those out again" she said moulds which come back are not good. Lol
So this morning I went and had the dermatologist take those again.this time he went deeper .he says it should no come back
Here are the berofe and after.
He charged me only $40
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HI all, well there is a snow strorm here today. I was at the office at 6:30am so I could leave at 2:45 pm went to the hospital and waited for ever my MRI was done around 4:30 pm it was 6pm when I left the hospital. The good thing is that class was cancelled so I went straight home.
Now I have an appointment on March 29 afternoon to know the results
I will work the late shift tmw so I ll be able to sleep in .
Hope all are doing well
Sending u all a huge hug
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Oh bb 3 months is much better . And if in one u see any change in size then call her right away.
U and I had a bad experience with this before . I ll call today to cancel the appointment with the pain doctor I honestly have no clue what is that for is no use for me to have another doctor to manage pain if I get lots of pain my family doctor can prescribed plus the pain I have is more like a cronic one? More less from my movements on my right size which my therapist explained the rad does that so no need for another doctor to put his nose where it does not belongs that ps has some nerve instead of doing something about my scar he decides why not drug her with pain killers and that way she ll go away. That is how I feel I was treated I won't see that team again .I made that clear to my bs I bet that is why all of te sudden I got that appointment after 6 months .
Anyway lots of snow here bb hope u have better weather?
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ok Bb got to work now and called and canceled that other appointment. i figure i got the doctor s info now and if i ever need one i can provide the info to my family doctor and she can send me to him. For now i just want my MRI results on March 29th then i ll move on.
i learned a lot from my physio therapist i think i can manage on my own for a wile now.
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bb they say that in 1 week I can pick up the image cd from the MRI but wait till march 29 to see the dr. Whom can explain the results I ll look at it but I never understand those images lol
Just got out now. On my way home I need a hot shower and a hot coffee or tea
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Back from Denver! More soon!
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hello ladies!!!
got back last night, it's freezing here in NY. the trip was very nice, got to spend some quality times with two old friends of mine. i was so burned out from the project and nice to catch a breather.
Athens is a beautiful city, friendly people. the weather was colder than usual per my friends' comments but i love the sun.
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Good morning friends- back from a business trip to Denver with my colleagues. So glad I suggested this as we have a plan now to go present with two healthcare orgs that want our solution. We are putting together a presentation and going to meet with them next to hopefully close on the contracts to get going.
I drove up on Sunday and had meetings the two following days, but also met a former colleague for lunch. I went out into the mountains and went to an old mining town for lunch. So much fun! Also took advantage of some big city shopping to Nordstroms and Ikea too. I drove home yesterday, and took a break in one of my fav spots on the way down for a couple hours as my lower back was talking to me. It is close to 500 miles each way, all freeway but A LOT of driving and time on the road. I was ready to get out of that car at the end of the day. I was fortunate to have great weather the whole time.
June- so good to hear from you and that you went to Greece! I love Athens, was there in the 1990's and found the people to be very warm and welcoming. Did you shop at the Plaka? Get any good stuff? And you got to visit with people too, so wonderful. Glad to hear the trip was awesome, you needed that!
And wow, you came home to that big storm on the east coast. Must be a total shock to your system.
BB- I know you have shared you stop eating when you are stressed. But weight loss can also be signs off other things. Do you have any check ups coming up to rule out any health issues that could be contributing? I have kept a food diary in the past when I am trying to loose weight to see how much I am taking in and when. I think some exercise will definitely help you.
E- I agree with BB if there was anything of concern, you would have an appointment sooner. That has been my experience with any types of results, they move fast when they know there is a problem. Fingers crossed for your apt in a few weeks. I hate the waiting stuff.
Lily- how are you doing friend? Any signs of spring your way?
Got lots to do to settle in and an event later today. Weather here is very warm, mid to upper 70s and everything blooming like crazy. I know people with snow don't want to hear that!
Wishing you a good day everyone!
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HI all , I am dealing with snow here and still cold not fun at all.
I agree with you all waiting is a pain. I must say I never gotten a call before. Always had to wait for the appointment to review results so it must be just no bad news. I tell you I don't know what is what anymore. My right side still bothers me but I got my period last night so today is just bad I blame it maybe my rad side also gets worse when on the period who knows.
Bb I hope nothings is wrong for you with the weight loss I on the other hand only eat 2 a day and still never lose weight I got stuck on 140bls and no lossing anything more.
I am super tired this days and down I think it is the weather I am just tired tired hard to stay happy these days
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E- you may have some burn out from the work and school thing. You have been pushing hard for awhile. Time for a vacation!
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today my niece turned 18.
Still can't believe my sister is not with us.
She is wearing my sister necklace
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E- wow, she is so beautiful.
I am so sorry about your sis. Hugs friend
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is ok Jazz i think i feel sad is due to the fact that i truly believe there is nothing after life and that makes me very sad. Specially cuz my sister past believing in some kind of after life place and it makes me so upset. Sorry if i offend anyone is just what i feel, i wish i was a child and i could still believe in Santa and Disney tales lol I just keep calling for my sister or mom or my Bro to talk to me and there is only silent. that is all there is ;((
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We are having very strange weather - was 29C one day and then 4C the next! But we have had some rain so we have greenery now, we lose that in the blistering summers.....
I am seriously struggling with myself.......I am so fed up that I am STILL affected emotionally by my physical state. I was in a dance class yesterday and the instructor kept on doing moves that involved thrusting the chest out and then talking about bust lines, I ran in to the toilets and just cried. I cannot speak to any of my friends as they just don´t understand.........I have tried in the past, but what no one seems to realice is that one side feels so different to the other.......any movement of my chest just reminds me and it all builds up, after 30 minutes I cold not hack it anymore. A few people at that class know but they just do not understand.......I feel so lonely with it all and then turn on myself..............
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E- you are entitled to your beliefs and feelings. Not everyone believes in the afterlife, or any number of other spiritual or religious things.
I hope you can maybe slow down and get a break for yourself this weekend?
Lily- I can totally see how that dance class would make you uncomfortable. Honestly, it does not sound like the right class for you; making comments about the bust is not what you need. If you like dance classes, can you try a different class? Maybe talk to the instructor beforehand and let her know you have some physical limitations? Sometimes instructors just need the awareness. I had to do some trial and error around my exercise in the post BC world too.
And friends don't seem to understand our body image concerns in the post bc world. Cancer is one of those things that seem to only be relatable to those who have gone through it. I just don't try to explain my feelings to people around the bc stuff anymore because they will just tell me I am done with my cancer. Maybe you can tell your friends you are going to look for a different dance class if they are doing it with you too?
Please don't turn this on yourself, you are finding your way through a difficult time and doing the best you can. I love that you are out doing the dance classes and hope you can find a way to continue and enjoy it!
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E, I have those too-cords. They suck, hurt like hell, and restrict movement which is actually the best medicine
They can be cut surgically but since no one really knows what they consist of, PASS. I feel ya on hard to be happy lately. Taking a lot of extra effort lately. Lily, your post brought tears. The way you worded it. I too am shocked & think I should be further in the emotional/mental healing. Trying some coping skills which for me is painting my bathrooms downstairs, moving things around (super slowly), and redecorating to a minimal degree. Which is frustrating in itself (like dancing) cause I just can't do like I think I should be able to.
But, its good that were all trying, something. Something to turn the f***ing brain off or at least quiet it a bit its so freakin noisy.
Jazzy, I am so anxious to be further out with hopefully more energy. Your trip sounds lovely!
Hi June!
BB, I think of you daily. Hope you are doing ok.
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She's beautiful, Enerva. I miss my bro too. Wish my dad would make time. My uh. siblings...whatever. My mom is very slowly...not sure if alzheimers or dementia, or maybe her copd :
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E, your niece is beautiful.
Hi Simplicity, and everyone. hope everyone have a nice weekend.
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HI friends thanks yes my niece is so cute.
I am feeling better . Simplicity yes I agree these days is just harder to get to a happy state.
Lili so sorry about the dance class. Hope you find one that is better? I have been thinking about joining a gym but I need to buget no sure I can afford it just yet.
Jazz hope you get some fresh air and some outdoor activities on your new bike.
Have a great weekend friends
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Good morning friends- hoping everyone is having a good start to the weekend.
Simplicity- so good to hear from you. This recovery thing just takes so long, nothing anyone but us really understands. I don't even think the doctors really understand either. I still can feel things shifting and changing some 4 years out from the end of treatment. And well, the darned AIs make it hard to really feel like yourself too.
Home improvement, working on the yard and gardens, decluttering all helped me the first few years after. And well, spending time in my gardens/outdoors does me more good than many other things. Find what works and watch for those small healing releases along the way.
Sorry about your mom. Never easy to see the changes that go with parents aging. Hugs sister
E- I have been spending a lot of time in the yard working to clear out the old grow in the gardens as things are springing up like crazy right now. Today I did my first yoga practice on the patio with the warmer weather. I do plan to ride my bike later today, that makes me happy too.
June- hope you are settling in from your travels. Did you go back to work for part of the week? I always struggle with the time change coming back from far away.
Wishing everyone a good weekend. A photo of the rosemary blooms (purple) and weeping cherry tree (pink) for you to have the hope that spring is coming. It begins in the northern hemisphere this Monday, March 20th.
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BB- sorry to hear you cannot get any answers on the weight loss. Are you testing your blood sugars? Weight loss is sometimes a sign of going into diabetes......
The new healthcare plan is going to have a fight getting pushed through. I will take a FT job with someone if I loose my insurance. Already have some things in my back pocket on that front. I have been preparing for this time long before last November.
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of the young people to the ophiods. How tragic.
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THank you for understanding - it is normally a different instructor - but I hate how these things just jump up and bite us.....I have been trying to accept myself as temporary but you know its 5 years almost.......and there is no concrete date ahead of me.........my huge fearnow is the major surgery will créate a recurrence as it will be so far on and I will be off the anti hormonals....etc....I need to find some kind of zest for life but right now I am working hard at living, if you see what I mean.
BB - so very sorry to hear about these youngsters.........I think the world is a much tougher place for youngsters now than it was for my generation......
Enerva, Simplicity - it IS hard I think, I don´t know if it means we are just not well adjusted or just more sensitive....whatever it is its not a comfortable place to be emotionally........
Jazzy I too find nature peace making, I am trying to walk every day with one of my dogs at least.........I do feel better when I do it but it brings up aches and pains..........
I am off to bed now as its 23.30 and I have to be out early tomorrow..........
Wishing everyone a lovely weekend
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Good morning friends- wishing you a peaceful Sunday.
Lily- I find myself more startled by things like you experienced in the post bc world. It catches me off guard too. Sounds like it was less about this class and more around the person who may have been subbing. Hoping you are enjoying your walks with the dogs this weekend.
BB- when is your next check up with any of your providers? The MO, endocrin, PCP?
I think when you are not feeling well, the idea of a reoccurrence comes back front and center. It certainly has for me, even with respiratory ailments like a cold or my asthma.
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BB - did you speak to your doctors regarding the weight loss? and i am sorry about the death of the young friends of your sons.
i also just learned one of my schoolmate just died few years ago, ALS. i am quite stunned to learn that. i am in my mid 40s...so it's quite sad.
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June- I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your school mates. These things never stop being shocking to us.
Hugs sister
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BB- what I hear is that your MO wanted to see you in three months but you responded you will come back in six? You need to move up that appointment to see her sooner. I don't think waiting on this is going to benefit you in any way.
I don't know what hematologist really do and don't have one as part of my medical team. The endocrinologist seems to have the biggest picture on our systemic health. Mine has the best understanding of what drugs impact different things. I also hear you had an apt with her, it got cancelled and did not reschedule? Get that one back on the calendar too.
I know this is scary and not going to the doctors may be a hard step for you right now, but no one can help you if you are not getting to these apts friend. Please take care of yourself!
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