Single life after a mastectomy
Comments
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a squirrel is just a rat in a cuter outfit
by Carrie Bradshaw
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jazzy - at the end of the day, the ppl at work got to sit down and drink some wine. and we were having some very interesting conversation. turned out i had a nice day. and ya tomorrow i'll just sleep in and lounge all day in my PJ...hahaha...been taking Vit C and hopefully this flu will go away. my nose is getting runnier by the minute.
ladies...have a happy 4th. i will have a quiet one....
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E- the fibroids definately can give you pain. I am pretty sure mine started in my mid 30s, would have bad cramps after my period and it felt like something was growing. I brought it up to my PCP several times but she never could feel anything. Where I lived back east, I saw a gyn regularly, out here, I needed a referral. So anyways, I think I probably had them for awhile before they got properly diagnosed. I always had painful periods, and the bleeding got worse with time. They can cause a lot of problems for women even being benign.
The tree is lovely. I see those fake owls around here on some of the tile rooftops to keep the pigeons off (less cute than rats) and will be curious to see if they work?
June- you sound a bit better and glad you could enjoy some time with the new co-workers. Rest well tomorrow. I bet you will be feeling much better by Wednesday.
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lol June I miss are Bradshaw but more samantha and her hot boyfriend lol
Hope you feel better soon. Getting a flue or cold is just so annoying and yes take lots of V C.
I am so surprised I haven't gotten one this year .
Hope you have a relaxing 4th of July
BB hope u ll have a great one and simplicity waring on news on your camping adventure.
Jazz I enjoyed the dirt and the working with the plants and nature. I just can't believe my old friend is so antiplants lol such beatiful backyard and not a single flower lol I also hinged a bird feeder by one of the trees so she can watch from her window . But she is almost 68 and betten up by life so I guess she just can't do any work outside these days. She lives far from me I met her back at 2006 and we don't see each other unless I travel her way but keep in touch from time to time her name is margarita she is from El Salvador.
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Morning ladies. Happy 4th! Stay safe!
E, I saw your bamboo comment in an email and had to come see. I LOVE IT! Yea, I didn't mean to minimize your concern either. Just going through so many scares, and then some, I just hate seeing some of us worry so much, But I guess that is our new way. Let us know how your advocacy goes to get it removed. I really want this marker and fat necrosis out of me as it is right in the fold of my armpit and sticks out terribly some days.
June, hope you get to feeling better! You sure do have a great attitude.
BB, there's a whale one in China I think too...mind is slipping this morning. Hope you have been feeling well.
Jazzy, you are funny!! "You going to be with E for the 4th" Ha. No. My two oldest are working tonight, and my youngest is at dads. So nothing exciting here.
I am loving practice and anxiously awaiting tomorrows practice! I also have an interview for a part time job Wed (wish me luck). There was an easier way to do this, for me to help someone while making money, but you know.
Camping next weekend. I think. DD conveniently has to work, so it may just be me and my youngest boy again with his friend.Which is fine.
Artista? How are you?
Hope all have a happy and safe 4th!
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Hi ladies,
Catching up. Glad to hear it's b-9 Simplicity! Good to see you BB. Thanks for your kind words. Jazzy keeping us sane..
Sorry to hear about your papi E. It's never easy losing a loved one even if they tell you quality of life is gone and they want to be as well. Going through that with a friend's mom now. She is 90 in an assisted living home she doesn't care for but it is still hard to hear it.Doing lunch with said friend and her mother. She got her hair and nails done so convo will be better than last time I saw her in snf..As for me.. well working on how to deal with fam stuff. My fam except for my bro doesn't know about my bc stuff. I've had major anxiety and depression issues before that landed me in a psych ward for a week and 6 wks partial hospitalization. Fam knows that. They are also a big part of why I landed there. Being a black sheep is tough in this fam.
Anyway haven't seen them in over 3 years. Tell them anxiety, need to be left alone. We communicate only via written messages. So mom is coming to the bay area again to see fam from 7/20-8/1. I get the email about how she really wants to see me and we could just do lunch. For one mom would notice the sizable difference in my breasts, from DD/DDD to C and perky though one is lower than the other.. She's sharp as a tack, no fooling her. In the summer I"m not about to layer up either. Too warm. Plus bro isn't coming up from LA like he did for mother's day weekend. A cousin we never met, dad's niece from his bff bro who died a mo before she was born, is finally coming from Iran to meet him and bro for the first time. She's 24. She's with them from 7/20-8/14. 9 days of it they are flying to MD to visit dad's sis visiting from Iran her son there.
Pops doesn't give me as much anxiety as mom and her fam. They are looking to come up the weekend of 8/11 before she leaves on 8/14 to see me. I've never met this cuz either. Her dad was my fav uncle for sure. So I'm working via bro to set parameters of their visit that pop needs to agree to before making car and hotel reserv here.
1) Not a peep about my weight. I'm 30 lbs larger than when he saw me last. I get periodic emails about nutrisystem because they bombard you on tv with it. Let alone now when he sees me. No giving advice on my anxiety, diet, weight, etc. Purely a visit focused on his niece.
2) No insisting I go to SF for the day. That's what they want to do and I can't do a whole day even if it's mostly in the car. This trip should be about my cuz who's never been to the US and not about me. So I suggested to bro to tell pop that they go do the tour of SF and then come here and we go out for dinner. Or since I'm on the way up to SF they could drop in the am, we do a lite breakfast somewhere, they go to SF then come back here and out to dinner.
So after a break for bro since mother's day where he had to tell mom no can do on a visit when she was here, bro is called on again. First, mom. Told him Xmas should work assuming nothing medical comes up for me again during that time but no promises. Next, dad,with the above. What I'd do without my bro's help. He really does deserve an award as I know they are both anxious and drive you nuts. I'm sure they are always inquiring about me and giving their takes to him which I feel bad for. But better than sending me over the edge.
As for appts, I'm on vaca until 7/25 with bs to do "mammo."
Happy 4th everyone! Hope you all have a safe and good one.
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O I am not even going to go into my family chit. Overall, I think it was/is a hidden blessing I was sent for summer vacation to NC in 1989, and I am still here lol Dad and Stepmom had no intention of bringing me home, and didn't even have the balls to tell me. They sent all my stuff in a box and most of it broke. No packaging. Nada. I'm not bitter
Blessed to have the mom I do, my kids and the wonderful people in my life. While trying to build my walls and keep the monsters out, I let some pretty awesome people in
No BB, I am taking on a second job *sigh* Really hope I can hang. I need a change and I am the only one who can make that happen.I had goals when I bought this house (for the kids), and it's getting time to get things ready so I have lots of little projects going on.
I'm a bit weary about it...but, the extra push at payday will be nice. If I can just find my umpf. I have no umpf lately. But I am getting there.
I'm the black sheep to Artista. My dad's only biological child. He had adopted my older bro Scott when he was very young (funny to see that in type. what Scott and I use to call each other. bro and sis). He died in 2004. He was my pillar of strength, and I his. We were tight. Miss him terribly still some days. So when Dad met step witch..well, it's now her, her kids, grandkids, and my dad on the west coast. Me, and my mom here. All my other family here has passed:( Just mom and I. Going to leave for practice early tomorrow so I can go cook them some chicken and dumplings for dinner
MMMmmmmInterview tomorrow at noon. Wish me luck. Love and hugs to all.
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Did someone say black sheep?
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wow simplicity I am proud of you. I will be wishing you best luck for your interview.
Arista I heard you and I relate that I was also kind of not black sheep but I was often called crazy. Lol me and one sister who past away were so very crazy like we were adopted compared to the others . We were so close too. Now I have learned to pull away. Now I am like you I communicate by written msg on whatsapp but but as ofeten and I am not sharing much with them now. For example I know all the struggle they have in my country and I keep myself informed but I don't let them know about my scares or issues with stress or work cuz they will worry and let's face it it won't help me or them to stress them about my issues.
It is amazing when I meet people here in Canada who migrated it here together like their entire family is here. Uncles nephews brothers every body lol I always think how different my life could be if my family was close. But at the dame time I remember growing up always dreaming about going away and never going back ha ha u see I was the last child of 10. So I had to respect 9 siblings it was not easy I had to oveid it was a different time back then and I was not allowed to have many friends all must be approve by older siblings it was like jail lol so as soon as I graduated high school my goal was to flight away which I did and never went back . Only to visit but never to stay.
Ya family is a complicated subject for most
Hope u guys have a good night .
Tmw I ll go again to the lady who tattoo my eyes she sent me a msg telling me she has a new machine and technic and to go see if she can fix my eyeliner which fade away already lol so why not I ll go.
I also manage to call the dr office and give them the fax # for a good one I found . So now I must sit and wait. Also read about the only plant based foods which may help shrink fibroids so I started today. I ll see how that works.
Night night
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Can't believe I have not heard this one before, and too funny not to share
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BB- I remember you said you liked Adrian Brody. I never see him in anything anymore, did he age out of the film industry? Usually women do, but men have careers as long as they want them?
Yes, that is Ryan Gosling from the Notebook and a lot of other things. Want a good laugh, google the "hey girl" memes. They do it with a few different people, but think his are the best.
I saw Wonder Woman yesterday (really good and to be seen on the big screen if you are able) and there is a very handsome young actor by the name of Chris Pine as the leading male character. If I were in my 30s.....
I am glad you are off the meds. Did you finish the full five years? I have eight months to go on mine.
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BB- Middle Eastern men can be very handsome. Unfortunately, because there is so much stereotyping about them, many have a hard time saying that. I dated a man from Afghanistan a few years after I moved here. He was a chef and moved to the US in the 1980s. His father was a general in the Afghnie army and they were driven out when the Russian's invaded and had to leave the country or be killed. He told me about what Afghanistan was really like before the invasion, very progressive cultural country, women went to the universities, etc. The invasion destroyed the cities and destabilized the country and later more happened to that country as we know. He was one of the most handsome men I have ever known, never mind dated.
I appreciate the pretty boys but do not want one for a partner. My interest is in someone who can be kind to me and likes being with me, and not just when they are lonely, bored, in between, etc. Kindness, consistency, respect, communication are all the things I value the most these days.
I hope the break helps you. A lot of women on these threads complain of fatigue. Mine was bad the first few years, is better now. But sometimes things really wear me out without warning. I have other health issues and take so much medication now, it is hard to know what makes me tired. Probably just life in general.
Off to swim, I have inspired two friends to start swimming with sharing the results of my weight loss and increased strength from moving to the big pool in April! A friend is meeting me there tonight to get started.
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omg you guys I just watch a documentary called
What the health
Bye bye meat ,eggs, chicken even fish
I will never survive
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They're all sexy! Jazzy isnt that the new Kirk? So adorable. Id eat him alive lol
Think it'll be good BB. My two okdest are hardly home anymore. So...I need more wiggle room with all I want to accomplish.
Done with that situation. Nope. I need to take care of me & mine.
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Please watch
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Simplicity- yes, I believe he has that role too. He is so cute in Wonder Woman. Great movie for all women to see. Super empowering.
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Being Iranian, I agree on ME men. Many handsome dudes in my fam.
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Humm 2 people now say wonder woman is a great movie I ll try to watch it tmw
Night ladies here I am awake again and almost 1am
I ll have to get up and take a pill
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Morning ladies.
Yes, BB. It was best for all involved. He wasn't putting in any effort and denies the effect his kids negativity has on the relationship, and how he treats it, so I had to go. We're all package deals at this point, but I surely didn't get involved for his kids to dictate when, where and for how long we could spend time. I guess I am still frustrated about it. I intended on telling him in person 2 wed's ago, but, alas, as usual, knowing I would be 10 minutes from his house, and that I didn't have my youngest, he did not make it a point to be home at 8 that night. Then had the audacity to call (as usual) at last minute, last option, last choice, at 8:30 pm, as I was headed home to see if I wanted to do dinner. Um. No.
The previous Friday...he has a friend he has had for 30 years. (F). Her daughter and his grew up together, same schools, interests, etc etc. She has become a mother figure to his DD, which is awesome and nothing I would ever expect to change.
Anywho, I had asked the previous Friday, if his DD makes plans FOR HIM (cause it's always what she or son have planned for E), and the exgf was involved, that he let me know. Apparently this pissed him off, but he didn't bother telling me until the next Wed. Basically ignored me, which just irks me. I didn't say he couldn't hang out, talk to, visit with her. But out of respect, and general courtesy towards your gf, I think it's not too much to ask.
So, yea, as soon as he mentioned he was pissed about that, I told him this conversation was going to go real bad, real quick.
The fact that he seems to want to keep that friendship behind the curtain, in itself, bothers me. Why? Why is any part of your life cutoff to the one you say you love? And as you know, that wasn't the only part...
My second job search, he had an opportunity to pay me to run errands and such. win/win for both. But nada, with the way his kids are, so whatever. I need forward motion. I don't do well with status quo. I am always looking to grow, flourish.
They are his kids, and he needs to do right by them. With me in the picture....we have different relationship goals, and very different parenting styles.
Still stings, and I get mad at myself when I think of what I allowed. But I was trying to..hoping his kids true hearts would give way. I have known these kids 11 years. I know they are kind, caring individuals. The pain runs deep thou.....also, as a parent, he should have taken a more positive approach where we were concerned when discussing with his kids. He is an ADULT. He needs to create healthy boundaries with his kids. I cannot do that for him
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wow simplicity I am so sorry for all that. We know how much E Means to you and how hard you try. I was always like wow that is true love on your part. At the same time I hate that you allowed so much like all of us here we have ; (
Men are very different creatures at least the ones we have been with.
I sometimes wish I was one of the woman who had good luck in love . So many I know that have a good guy by their side . But somehow those also complaint some times ? Lol
Nah I love my lonely life I love my life the way it is now.
Ok bb when u have a chance have a look at the documentary cuz it claims that meat is not the right source of protein and I just found some amazing video of a lovely lady who share amazing dishes and I am off to the supermarket to grab some spices and things I lack.
I will try this vegan thing I may manage to shrink the fibroids?
I ll let you know how I feel. It's been 2 days of only eating protein shake and fruits. And so far so good .
Here is the video on ideas for breakfast and snacks if u like it I can post the lunch one ?
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Good morning friends- lots of great conversation here.
Artista- very cool that you are Iranian. We have a very multi-cultural thread here with sisters who live all over the world, many now living in different places than they were born too. Feel free to share anything more about yourself, we always love to learn about others, but also respect the privacy many of us need here too.
Simplicity- sorry things have ended with E, but if you were always the last priority, that cannot feel very good. I hate feeling like a "convenience item" with anyone. I have had family do it (now have boundaries around that now), friends who tried it (many of those people are gone too), and more than a few men do that. Now I just don't tolerate it. I understand everyone has a lot going on, but if you disrespect people's time and feelings, they need to go. Cancer has helped me to prune a lot of this BS from my life.
Men who have secret relationships with "old friends" are up to no good. In a dating situation, I don't feel anyone is beholden to discuss other people. In a relationship, if someone is spending time with someone from the opposite sex, you are entitled to know what that is about.
You are clearer and stronger now and know what you want and how you want to be treated. I know it stings sister, but predict week to week as you move away from this, you are going to have more energy and feel better. Wishing you increased health and a worthy partner!
E- I don't have time to watch the video now either, but don't eat much meat, never have. I think our food chain is very tainted and the way food is prepared and processed in this country has lead to a lot of the serious diseases like heart disease and cancer. Also maybe an increase with dementia related illnesses (more tied to sugar with time).
June- how are you doing sister, are you working through the bug this week? Hope you got some rest on the 4th.
BB- thank you about the compliments on my skin. The really good looking men I have dated in the past are usually all players and wanted me to be part of that game. Good looking men usually have a lot of women available to them and take them up on that. That being said, I have dated some okay looking men who also acted selfish. You just have to let men show you who they are because they always do?
Got some things to do and hope everyone else here is doing okay this week!
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I read that and still totally missed it. At the risk of sounding racist, most Iranian woman I know have beautiful skin and facial bone structure (I'm a nerd. I know. I am good with it). If I may Artista, how did you end up in good ole Us of A?
Me too Jazzy. I have let a lot of people go in the past 2 years. I just don't need it. I feel I gave my best effort. I can do no more. The negativity emanating from his home was absolutely overwhelming. The tension when I was there was intense. Just, Nope. He hast text me twice in the past 12 hrs. I am not responding (a big complaint while dating-he rarely ever responded and admittedly rarely read
) Course that was different in the beginning..*sigh*June, you don't still have that nastiness I hope?
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ladies I got an appointment on July 25th
No sure about it cuz it is at a different hospital and I rather see someone in the hospital where I have my oncology and the rest of the bc team.
But I must wait till I get a hold of my doctor cuz I see her next week wed. I feel so tired and down. Even though I gave them the fax # for the dr I want to see they sent me to another hospital. This canadian medical system is just crap
Mean time my tumor is growing and becoming who knows what .
Anyway we ll see if I can get a walking clinic to give me a referral this weekend I ll try.
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Simplicity, Jazzy -
I am feeling okay, just have a lot of stuff to blow out of my nose...sorry TMI...hahaha...
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I sort of had a mini melt down or a mini blow up this week....my OBGYN kept bugging me to have more check ups...and someone from her office ld called and even mentioned a colonoscopy which i am way too young to have it done now. just because i have cancer, please don't treat me like a gold mine or a diamond mine to keep digging. i blew up at the person who called.
with these bi-annual check ups, and when i go in, there's always something so follow ups...even with my blood work, something happened to my blood so i have to redo another round. when does this end??!!!!! this is really getting on my nerves. i want to live my life, i don't want to live to visit doctors. I was so upset i told them paying visits to the doctors is another full time job that i just can't keep up. i know i have cancer but gosh do i have to have follow ups on every single minor thing what so ever....sometimes i just want to "f**k all these"....if it ever comes back, i just want to get there much faster. i'll have a bottle of wine and a pack of cigarette everyday and get it over with. this endless follow ups are taking over my life. i can't go without a week without some kind of follow ups. ugh.....so fuck*ng annoying.
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ha ha ha June you are trying to get them to back off and I trying to get one of them to see me lol how stupid are these doctors is just brutal.
I have the god dame back pain lower and I need to know for sure what the hell is it cusing it I bet in two month the mass ll be well over 5cm. I didn't have it in march and is now 4cm. God dame it I wish I could make an appointment without a referral
Today I bought a bunch of so call health food and hoping I shrink the fibroid if that is what I got. Cuz the report says it could represent a fibroid. " oh and recommend to have another us in 2 month with a radiologist wtf? What does a radiologist has to do with a fibroid?
Any June hope you feel better. I know having a flue is no fun make sure you drink lots of fluids
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June- don't let anyone overtreat or overtest you, which I think is too common in this country. I certainly had more trips to the doctors when I was diagnosed, in treatment, the year after but that has eased through time. Something needs to happen, I just ask why? Why do I need to be doing that? What will that help me to know to take better care of myself?
Do you have a history of anyone having colon cancer in your family (especially early?) That would be the only reason to have a colonoscopy before age 50, from all I know? I would for sure ask for the justification around that recommendation. Requires being sedated, taking a day off, etc. I have had two so far but 57 and on the five year plan (had my last one last year).
E is right, either you cannot get attention around something or they want to give you too much attention around something.
E- I hope you can get a biospy on the fibroid to be sure this is nothing of concern.
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O June lol No offense, but reading that made me giggle. Hate you're dealing with all that, love your attitude thou. I fussed at my onc last time too wanting to refer me. Why? Are you not an oncologist? That not give you the authority to order a CT Scan? Idiots.
E, I hope they get you in soon. Sucks. Knowing something is there and just wanting to know what it is not!
Heading to the river in t minus 5 hours
Sooo ready! Last camping trip at this campground for the year. Next, it's planning our beach camping trip.Hope all enjoy their weekend.
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i can give you guys a run down....sorry for the rant but i am getting so resentful...
- obgyn visit, he pep test came back w hpv +, same as last year. she ordered an ultrasound, she wanted me to remove my ovaries which my onco said NO already. I don't want to deal with irreversible side effects for the rest of my life. when her staff told me to have a colonoscopy i just flipped. that's not on the table and i am not creating another test for myself
- ultrasound came back same as last year, the lining is 1mm thinner than last year. she wanted me to do another biopsy. hello, vajaja biopsy is very invasive and kind of painful...do i seriously need it?
- she refered me to a onco who specialize in vajajaj, which is next week. and she's "bowing out" of my health, quoted from her
- MRI, went last month but couldn't find my vine so have to go back again
- annual primary, ordered blood test (i had to fast)
- one panel was off the chart bc of the blood sample issue, had to go back
the above just supposedly 3 visits, it turned out to be 8 so far. i just can't keep up. i feel like i have this full time job that i need to pay visits to doctors all the time. seeing doctors is unpleasant to begin with but gosh the follow ups are even worse.
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jazzy - most of my grandfolks and great-great-greatx10 grandfolks died of strokes or heart attacks.....i think my uncle who died in his early 70s got TB or lung cancers (my mom thinks TB and lung cancer are the same thing)...i couldn't get his COD correctly. i am the only, single person in my family history got cancer.
oh, forgot that my mom got uterus? cancer 2 decades ago.and got it removed...she's doing fine. i was told it's not uncommon....i don't know. but she got heavy bleeding so she went to see doc and found out.
i don't f**king get why she wanted to check out my colon when i just turned 45. i didn't even once complain anything about my bowel movements.
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wow June that is crazy and I honestly know this is no fair those guys have no idea what we go through to find ways to get to their office. Like bb says we work full time and in my case I do my appointment on lunch time.
Bb that is why I was pushing to see someone is not cuz I want it to be serious. First reason is I want it out of me .cancer or non cancer it is something growing fast and it does not belong there it is giving me lower back disconfort .Second reason I am on vacation this week and I was not able to cancel my week off so I had all the time to go and sit at a hospital waiting area if that was the case but no no my apoitment is 2 weeks later at 1pm so I have to manage to run on my lunch hour to see a brand new ass hole who will take 30 minutes to make me give her the history of my bc cuz she will be clueless as per who I am? Like June I am so irritable I wish I could go to the lake but it is overcast ; (
Simplicity I love all the out door u are doing .
Jazz I hope you fell better too I think you said your stomach was not well?
Arista how are you? Is your family in town now?
I am siting in my balcony with my protein shake and a brum on my hand waiting for the squirrels they already try to come in once and I run after them lol
Hope I get the owls I ordered soon.
They move the heads with the win here is what they look like
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