Single life after a mastectomy
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Oh jazz lol I am done I only did one colonic only cuz I was thinking of the liver flush. So what happens when u flush your liver is that the toxic can stay in your colon so is a good idea to clean it out to avoid any issue in case a rock or something could stay there ? No no is not something I want to do again. The lady was like oh j re omens u do 6 of these and I told her to her face . Oh nah thanks this is way out of my confort zone ha ha ha ya I ll also watch it again but I know I ll cry again lol
Sorry June ha ha hope u watch it soon
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E- oh I did not pick up you already did it. Sounds about right with the colonics. So is the premise that the flushing of the liver puts the toxins into the colon? She wanted you to buy a package of the cleanses too. Sounds about right.
I watched it again last night and still don't totally understand that final scene, but there are things about GOT I will never totally get.
Heading to the pool for a morning swim and wishing everyone a good day!
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Hi ladies,
I am so fatigued these days. Never did fully recover after chemo. Some days are better than others but man there are times I just get up to set up my guinea pig in the am and back on the couch asleep till 4pm. Getting out like grocery shopping doesn't wake me up either so I'm thinking it's got to be Tamoxifen and sleep apnea which I was dx'd with in '09. I can't use the cpap gadget even with the nose pillow instead of mask so being I'm so overweight on top of it all (gained 20 lbs since Dec '16) I'm sure that's the bigger one.
I'm on meds for anxiety and depression since '95. I can sink and find myself sometimes wishing I'd get a met so my time would be ticking faster. Sounds weird because stage IV is full of more pain and issues that no one admires but sometimes I go there. I usually bounce back to being ok. Life is just so boring really. I can't move well, have 1 bff 5 miles away but she's got her own stuff with a 90 y/o demanding mother who's in a home now and her own kids and their fam that are 2 hours away so she goes away a lot. In a couple years she plans on retiring (she's 14 years older than me) and moving close to her dau in Sacramento. She is very kind and has helped me in the past when I needed it. Known her 11 years from work. Seeing fam is worse for me esp since they don't know of my bc stuff. I get a lot of the I'm not getting any younger and that makes my anxiety and depression worse.
Just got around mom and dad wanting to see me. Mom came from Seattle to visit her fam 30 min away from me for 10 days on 7/20. Mom has hawk eyes and is sharp and would immediately notice the much smaller foobs. Of course I got the just want to see you for a few minutes. I haven't seen her since Dec 2014 for a couple hours with my bro and bff present. Got through it but was uncomfortable the whole time. So at least bro has to be with her and hopefully bff is around too so the focus isn't on me. They can chat amongst themselves and I can just be there. So for sure no go while she's here now.
A cousin on my dad's side we have never met finally flew down to Irvine for a 3 week stay where she meets my dad her uncle and my bro her cousin. There's a special back story to this. A mo before she was born in '93 my uncle her dad drowned in his car that had got caught up in a mud slide in S. Iran and was swept and stuck under a bridge under flooded waters for a mo. So for 1 mo no one knew what happened. He just disappeared, never got to his destination. Search was on and nothing. It wasn't until a mo later that the river receded and the car was found. My uncle was my dad's bff. Dad has a messed up fam of sorts and he was his rock. I'll never forget how I found out. I was in the shower and my then husband comes in and says your bro is on the phone. Uh. I'm in the shower? I'll call him back. No, you really need to take the call. Came out and saw tears in his eyes. OMG thought something happened to my dad. Get on the phone and dad is wailing like nothing I've heard before as bro gives me the news. I don't bother to dry my hair. I pack up and am on the next flight down for a few days of watching my dad wailing in sorrow. A mo later Kiana his niece was born.
Dad has always wanted to meet her. She's all he has left of his bff/bro. They used to talk on the phone until finally this year became the year. She arrived 7/20 for 3 weeks of vaca with them. They are doing all the typical tourist stuff in LA area since she's never been here. Also going to MD to visit a cousin of mine who lives there with his kids and his parents (dad's sis) who is visiting her kid from Iran for a total of 6 mo. I haven't seen pop since Jan 2014. He doesn't know about me as well, only bro does of the fam. They wanted to come up at the end of Kiana's trip to see me. Dad agreed to the terms of not to give me a talk about losing weight or other non solicited advice. He isn't as bad as mom but still. But he couldn't commit to not telling her fam if not now then in the future. He keeps in touch with my aunts on mom's side every couple weeks and if he were coming up he'd see them too. So it became no can do. I will say I am relieved since I'd then worry about it coming out that here I said no can do to mom and a mere week later it's ok for pops. Mom is very sensitive so we decided to bag it. Plan is barring any issues with me that like 2014 mom comes over with bro with my bff here for a lunch or dinner. Get that over with then can deal with pop next year.
So basically my life is wake up, set up my guinea pig, watch soaps, take the long much needed nap, get gp set up for her dinner, watch tv, internet, sleep and then it cycles again. My outings are to grocery store, doc appts and when my bff is available and I'm not too pooped, go out for food or go chill at her house. I simply can't imagine her moving away. I've been committed before to a psych ward and almost again so that's why my psychiatrist says need to stay away from triggers.
So that's my life. Thanks for letting me vent it all out. On the brighter side saw my hot bs for my "mammo." Didn't find anything. I see him twice a year so last time I saw him was Jan. Since then I gave him the low down of my stuff from not tolerating Letro and back on Tamox to infected 5 mo po of implant sx to then springing a leak that eventually required stitches.. Told him counting down to Sept sometime when I can get my right side symmetrical to my left side. He looked at me and said why. I was sitting down so you can't really see the asymmetry as well plus my stomach is bigger than my foobs. Told me to go slow after I whined about ps making me wait 2 mo after the hole healed. I've had complications after sxs and am prone to infection. I think it was just the port sx that I had 0 issues after. Esp now with this healthcare nightmare, even though I'm on Medicare and a supplement, I still want to get what I know I need or want asap just in case MC gets hit somehow.
Next up is meeting the gastro doc for directions on colonoscopy on Mon. Thanks for the details. Can't wait to be up all night on the can the night before. I had scheduled the procedure for 10:30 until I heard how miserable you are so I changed the date to where it's 8:30.
Hope all is well here with everyone. Keep on keeping on!
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hi ladies so here my updates but first I want to say Arista you are going through a lot. I know you don't believe it but your life is worth a fight plus yes it will get back to 80% normal and that means you will smile again. I wish I could have a way to prevent all this bad stuff for you and all of the new bc ladies. I just saw you were dx in 2015? No wonder girl it took 2 years after chemo for me to feel better. I know it seems all is boring and no one can't relate but us here. In fact I always think you girls here are my true friends. We never judge ech other here we are ok to vent and to be sad or to be ok or happy at times. So never feel like you can't share anything . Here we are and we support you. So just know me I was the same I was over weight around 30 lbs chemo gave me and belive me it was not from eating I had the worse digestion and colon gas and I avoided food plus 4 to 6 months start I could vomit daily it was brutal. Then I cover my mirrors cuz I could not see myself. Don't be hard on yourself this is the normal for now slowly you will gain your life back. Think of anything you like to do and fucus on that. It helped me so much I did crochet and school self study courses .I ignored myself cuz I was so depressed and so angry at life angry a why this had to be my luck.
It will never be ok deep in side I am still angry but I have now turn my focus on other task so I don't chock my self lol
Think of anything you may like to do? Which u can do at home to distrust yourself don't worry if it is tv then be it.but try to do some kind of yoga or small streaching at least that way your muscle don't forget they need to be active.
So today I felt a bit like a thing . A # again
The gynecologist told me so u are here cuz they found a mass and a small fibroid. I want to send you for a second ultrasound at a place which I know they are the best at it. They will be able to determine this is in fact another fibroid. I understand your concern but we think this is nothing but a fibroid. I then said sure I ll have another ultrasound and that will tell me If the mass is growing since its been a month now since the last ultrasound.
I just took the order and left I didn't have it in me to say anything to the old bitch
So how about . You are no worry but it is my body not yours. How about I am the one who needs not to be worry. How about you are waisting my fking time and I am the one who needs to take time from work.? How about I wish I could strangle you and your rude secretary?
Ok so be it. I went to the ultrasound place made an appointment I was lucky the lady there was able to book me in tmw at 3:30 ]pm so I will work again the early shift and leave at 3 to make it there atv3:30pm
I am tired I am no longer in a mood to be nice to doctors. I am sick and tire of the bull shit. They think they are so superior to us the patient as if well the only thing that matters is what they think not how we feel. So I ll see the other one I ll call and re schedule and see what feeling the other one has . That is the only thing I can hope for now.
Jazz I will ail you cuz game of throne conversation is not over ha ha ha I ll tell you how I undertood the last scene.
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Artista - i think it's common to feel fatigue after cancer. I only had the MX and even that, it took me a long time to feel like myself again. I had the surgery at the end of the year and didn't go back to work till after the new year. and OMG, the work load was crazy so i took a 3 months break at the end of january....it's not just the physical it's the whole mental and as a person that we went through so much and after all the tx, we just completely exhausted mentally and physically.
E - i am bit lost...so cleaning the colon is to flush the liver?? is it similar to the coffee enema?? i was tempted at one point but got scared.
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Good afternoon ladies- just a quick message to check in with you today. Had a nice breakfast with a fellow cancer survivor (who has not been doing well, but better) and talked about our cancer journeys. He has been surviving his world for close to 30 years and had not one but two types (lifetime of lymphoma and also a bout with prostate). We have the same MO, and know each other through music and decided I needed to tell him about my bc (which you know I keep private for the most part) as I almost ran in to him one visit. Anyways, we had a great conversation, great food, and chatted with a very cool young man who has down's syndrome and is very involved with the local special olympics (which the state is cutting funding for, ARRRGH).
Next up is getting together with my guardian angel who helped me through all my surgeries a few years back for the afternoon growers market.
More later but wanted to poop in and say hi for now!
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hi ladies. Boy do I have updates lol I wish I don't drive u all cucu with my bs .
But first I want to explain to June. Ha ha
Ok June so when you do a liver flush all the olive oil and the lime juice makes your liver vomit lol ha ha that's how I interpret it so all that vomit goes rushing through your large intestine and so on. The colonic is just a colon cleansing process and people say is good to do after a liver flush so you clean the colon to make sure there is no toxic chemicals which came out of the liver into your colon. But is not a must is just precaucion and I must say I felt way better after the colonic
Now back to normal at least my colon lol
So today I had my second ultrasound and I now by looking at the images I see the mass grew and I have not 1 but small cists plus the large one which they are saying it is a fibroid
And not only I am out of luck but the technician and the radiologist said they want to see me in 6 months to follow up. There that is my life I have to wait till the shit becomes huge and or explode inside me for these Dr's to do anything.
I ll keep trying to see a second opinion when ever possible but I don't have any hope.
I read about a new technic been use called
Acessa, but only avaliable in a place far far from Ontario so not something I can have done.
Will keep research see if I manage some natural treatment but I am tired now.
Night night
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jazzy - that sounds like a nice conversation and some deep connection....sometimes i crave for that kind of mutual understanding IRL.
E - thanks for the explanation.....now i got it. the liver flush sounds like a long weekend home body project...hahaha....i want to find time to do it...mn...
and gosh i am sorry to hear about the 6 mo wait. can someone explain why the doctors are not worried?? since a few of you had this thing before?? i really don't understand the relaxed attitude from the doctors....and it does seem like its kind of universal thing
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hi girls .so I manage to see the other opinion today lol I got several msg and when I check I got a msg from the walking clinic they found me another gynecologist I ll see her today at 10:45 am so ya I will work late shift and I told my manager I won't be taking any lunch break cuz I will be running late so instead of 11am I will start around 12 noon tull 7pm today. I am on my way and I ll see what this thinks. Will kept u guys posted.
I have another news so the kids at work there is only 2 and me and yesterday one quit so ya now we are short of stuff 2 cuz they never replaced the one that quit 3 months ago.
So now I am doing 2 desks and the new girl is doing 2 desk. She also told me she won't stay long. That she is going to interviews.
So I have made a decision I think I need to find a contract job. Like every body else.
And forget about full time and bebefits?
My only concern is that now with this mass in my pelvis what if?
So I am against a wall again. I just wanted to share with you all that the struggle we all suffer is brutal. Is as if the light at the end of the tunnel is far far away?
On the other hand I am still keeping away from milk and dairy and meats and not big deal.
I must report that after the liver flush and the colonic treatment I have been going to the bathroom daily and as if the constipation is going away. So may be the fibroid is no longer pressing against my colon.
All this stuff is very extrange is like every little thing that changes I need to be aware of and is just no life. Believe me I am not like that .I have never been good at been on the watch for chaos. Usually chaos finds me first lol
So I will keep at the eating habits change and I will see if my body start getting better but at work the stress is building up I have no savings to say I can go with no pay or no insurance at this time. So that have added some more concerns.
I will post in the afternoon after this dr. Gives me her opinion.
Have a wonderful Friday
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Hi BB, so they wanted to follow up cuz the idiot at the ultrasound could not confirm it is in fact a fibroid,
yes fibroids are very common but they can be trouble for some ladies. I only worry cuz i have been having some weird pain and it freaks me out it could be something else.
Ok so here is what happened. Let me tell you I am supper happy
I was in the waiting area and I was thinking how can I approach this doctor? What can I say so she listen to me?
Then I thought ok why don't I start by saying " hi, I will like to tell you I am not here to waste your time I am here to beg you" " I am here to beg for an MRI for my pelvis" lol I thought about it and it is sad but this is what we have to do here where I live at least that is my experience.
So I get called in, and this beautiful Young resident comes in and tells me that she is a resident and that she needs to get all the info from me then she will talk to the dr. then the dr. will come see me. Ok so I get it this is one of those teaching hospitals I know how it is.
So I did what I was planning. She started by saying so why are you here? And there was my window to talk lol I basically told her all I was there to do was beg, beg for an MRI. All I need is an MRI which may be able to put some piece in my mind.
I then told her about my family history and about how my family dr feels it is just a normal thing and that I should just keep it till I am menopause so hopefully it ll go away. But that an MRI in the past was able to prove to me that there is or there is not any dangerous condition growing inside me.
She was very nice and she told me that was a very reasonable request and that she would talk to the dr. and that she was pretty sure an MRI could be order not only to confirm the fibroid but to check over all anatomy in the pelvis. I was like omg thank you thank you that is all I really need.
So there you guys have it. I will be having a MRI who knows when and then to go see this dr. in two months to review the MRI results. In a way I am happy in a way I am sad that I have to go through so much to get a dr. to have a closer look at things? But overall is ok. I am so glad I will be able to determine if nothing else is wrong down deep in my lower body. The 2 months bother me but nothing I can do it is out of my control.
Have a wonderful weekend. I will be studying for my final exam next Tuesday
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E- good luck with the MRI.
There is a procedure called a myomectomy that removes fibroids. I think whether they can remove them or you need a hysterectomy depends on where it is, how large it is, how many, etc. My sister had a fibroid that grew to the size of a melon in her 30s and she ended up with her uterus being removed. That was all they did back then (1980s). When they were talking to me about mine in 2007 (I had like five), they were all on the inside and I was not a candidate for a simple removal. I was also in my late 40s so one gyn thought I should just have the hysterecotomy. I believe they do the myomectomy more for women in childbearing years as it can interfere with getting pregnant.
Again, my experience was that they went in to ensure the masses being seen were not anything more. I had biopsies through laproscopic surgery on everything, as well as on the uterine lininig to ensure there was no endometrial cancer.
http://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/myomect...
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i had no idea it's so common.
E - hopefully the MRI will clear things up. and i wish those buggers will just disappear.
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Oh I must tell you something very very funny
So the new doctor resident girl tells me that most likely an MRI will be order and that most likely it ll be good news, then she adds " after the MRI confirms it is a fibroid and there is nothing bad , then you must decide what will you like to do next, " then I said " well I wish I could have it removed but I have been told that the only way they could remove them is if I have multiples and as big as oranges and that lots of pain and interferes with my day today?" Then she say" "Oh I don't know who told you that?" "that is not entirely true" then I said " really??" " Can it be removed ?" then she says oh yes. Anyway when the real dr. comes in the room the first thing she tells me is this " We will order an MRI , to confirm there is no mayor problems, I will then see you in two months to review the MRI" she adds I do not believe surgery is an option at this time, do not come see us unless the MRI was completed," I looked over to the girl and said sure thanks
I will see you in two months, got up and left
Anyway so you see the young girl doctor is all about lets get you fix lol the old doctor is all about get the f away from us you have no mayor issues when things get worse then come to us . Huummm what is new?? Lol but the girl saw my face and she knew she made a mistake by telling me I had options lol
I just wanted you to know this which to me it was like ya ya ya I have been there done that yet its seem so ridiculous that things must get worse before we are offered any real choices.
BB, i agree 100 % with you
how is it that we are in 2017 and no one has come up with a treatment for this crap when i am told 80% of woman in north america suffer from this? oh i also found a new treatment been done at a hospital here in Toronto worth reading about it.
it says it is the only place in Toronto who is using it i will share the info in a minute.
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June- it's very common as I came to learn. Many times they don't cause problems, but sometimes they do, especially as we get older. I think once you have cancer though, any masses in the body have to be checked out. The docs in my area always rule that out first.
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http://www.ctvnews.ca/health/doctors-testing-simpl...
check this
Hysterectomies are one of the most performed surgeries in Canada, but many doctors say the surgery is performed too often, particularly in patients with uterine fibroids.
Now, researchers in Toronto are testing a therapy that "burns away" the fibroids' blood supply, without the need for surgery.
Uterine fibroids affect thousands of Canadian women, causing growths in the uterus that can range in size from microscopic to large masses that swell the uterus.
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Ultrasound waves are directed at the fibroids to heat them up over 60 degrees Celsius
MRI-guided focused ultrasound therapy can painlessly burning away the uterine fibroid's blood vessels.
Most women with fibroids have no symptoms, but those with larger growths can experience excessive, prolonged menstrual bleeding, bloating and pelvic pain. The usual treatment has been a hysterectomy, which completely removes the uterus.
Now, researchers at Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre are testing an experimental treatment called MRI-guided focused ultrasound therapy. They say the treatment can eliminate certain kinds of fibroids in less than two hours, with no surgery at all.
During the focused ultrasound therapy, the patient lies on a table and is guided into an MRI unit. The MRI locates the fibroids and then ultrasound waves are directed at them to heat them up over 60 degrees Celsius, painlessly burning away the fibroid's blood vessels.
The procedure doesn't eliminate the fibroids but most do shrink by 20 to 50 per cent. Even in fibroids that don't shrink much, many women report less monthly bleeding, with up to 90 per cent of women reporting they are symptom-free soon after.
"They say it's transformed their ability to function," says Sunnybrook radiologist Dr. Elizabeth David. "Their lives really are transformed when they don't have to worry about this issue."
David says she's been "extremely happy" with how well the procedure has worked on the patients she's studied, noting that focused ultrasound would be "just an additional tool" to offer women with fibroids..
Hysterectomy is the most effective treatment for fibroids, but it's a major abdominal surgery that carries the risk of complications, involves a long recovery, and is costly to the health care system.
Doctors can also recommend myomectomy, a less invasive surgery in which parts of the fibroids are removed but the uterus is left in place. But the fibroids can return in as many as half of patients who receive that procedure.
Health Quality Ontario (HQO) is recommending the widespread use of focused ultrasound, saying it will save millions of dollars by keeping many women out of surgery
"Our experts concluded that this is an effective intervention," says Dr. Irfan Dhalla, the vice-president of evidence development and standards at Health Quality Ontario. "It does work the vast majority of the time. The recurrence rate is low and it's a good option for women who do not want to have their uterus removed."
The HQO report has now been submitted to the Ontario government, which is currently reviewing it to decide if it will allow more MRI-guided ultrasound units to be set up, to give more women the choice of a treatment without surgery.
With a report from CTV medical specialist Avis Favaro and producer Elizabeth St. Philip
not sure but this could be something i could consider only if my MRI confirms all ok and i can get a referal to see one of this doctors at this hospital i guess
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Good afternoon friends- I did my final apt today for my six month follow up process. Today was the visit with the cancer center that included blood work, office visit with the MO and my Prolia shot. All went very well, although I was there for 2.5 hours. Usually there for a good 2 hours with the cycles we do, but today it seemed like the MO was running late in the morning.
Today's highlights:
1) The MO told me my official "five year" mark will be next March when I finish the 5 years on the AIs. I had been told by the imaging center and the BS that it was Nov (surgery date), but always felt that might not be quite right because I would still technically be in treatment on the AI protocol. The MO confirmed that if I had not been ER positive, the surgery date would have been it, but my date will be the last day I take the AIs (also around my birthday....)
2) I will have my next bone density test end of the year again and based on that, he will decide if I need any more Prolia shots going forward. I will have been on them three years by end of this year and he said the max benefit is usually around 3 years.So if the dexa scan is good, the Prolia shot I got today will be the last one.
3) We also talked about the longer term with respect to my cancer. He said although the 5 year mark is an important one, the one thing I need to rememeber with my type of cancer (early, slow growing, ER positive and referred to as "luminal A") is that it can come back 10-15 years after initial dx. He said that I will need to be followed annually for 10 years beginning next summer. Going once a year for mammo, MO visit and BS check in will be easier than all I am doing now.
4) We had big discussion about my weight loss. This MO was the one who actually got me the referral to the endocrinologist last fall to help me get the insulin resistance and weight issues turned around. I think you all know I have secondary diabetes from the AIs, so I have been on metformin and/or related drugs since late 2013. I am down 20 pounds this year, 25 since last summer and we discussed going down another 20 lbs with my goal to get the rest off by end of the year. I hit 20 lbs for the year end of June and plateaued, which happens after every 10 I drop but the scales are moving down again. He told me if I come back 20 pounds less by my next visit in January, it will have been a good year for me. He said loosing any weight on the AIs is phenomenal, but 20 pounds in six months is extraordinary. I told him I have it figured out now what to do and now just need to keep it going.
He was interested to know what other changes I had made with diet and exerice this year. I told him about my swimming more this year, and he asked about my diet and said I made those changes awhile back when the diabetes stuff came up. No sugar, limited carbs, etc. I said it is a combination of getting the right meds worked out and moving my body more.
So good visits with all my providers and going to plan to lay low this weekend as I may be a bit achey from the Prolia shot. But in the meantime, I am going out to dinner with friends tonight.
Wishing all a good weekend!
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Oh jazz that is very good. Congratulations
Yes for me my surgery was 5 years ago and that is in my head my mark.
I am so happy you got all those checks done. I think you had access to some amazing doctors and that is how it should be for all of us.
I am supper tired but I ll try to stay up late to review stuff for my exam.
Good night have a great weekend
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BB- I never heard the Luminal A term until this year. I think it has to be something newer in the bc world since my initial path report in 2012. My path report only included the staging, K values that indicate how fast they grow, other things like the ER and PR content of each area, etc. Here is a good description of them from BCO:
http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/types/molecul...
The MO seemed to indicate that if I was Luminal B, I would be on the AIs for 10 years vs. the five he has recommended for me. They are faster growing thus think they have a higher risk of longer term problems. His feedback to me on the Luminal A is just that some of the ER cancer do come back later. That is why they watch you. I was never really sure what happened after the five years, but he is helping me to understand more as we approach that date. As we know, this stuff is forever with us.
Going in to the follow ups can be terrifying. I remember the worst for me being the first ones after I finished treatment. I still had some PTSD from the whole experience anyways, but really expected they were going to tell me it was back already. The imaging part is the worst for me, and glad that is back to yearly. I am not a religious person but always recite the 23rd Psalm when most afraid.
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jazzy - what a great news. make the weekend even sweeter..
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Good morning ladies. I found this thread, which started years ago as a discussion about dating after dx. Obviously it has morphed over the years into something else. I was wondering if there is a thread anywhere that is still about dating after dx? Can someone direct me to it? I'm not very techy and am surprised I even managed to find this.
Thanks in advance and glad to seethe friendships made here!
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Welcome brightness- we do sometimes share about dating here. Some of us have tried, some of us are yet to try, so share anything you would like with us? I am not sure if there are any other threads specific to dating after bc but you could also start one?
BB- not sure what to say, but my MO was trying to instill upon me to not believe I was out of the woods after 5 years. You might want to ask your MO at the next visit what her perspective is again on Luminal A? I think there is more data all the time from the bc research world. My MO is heavily involved in the research studies (BS too).
E- this photo is for you!
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OMG June you must watch GOT lol
anyway happy Monday
i am at the office started in the early shift today and tmw then i ll be doing late shift wed and Friday ;(
not much to report just trying to absorb so much for my exam
so glad this is almost done. I will start again in Sept if i pass this one if not i ll change road? lol
anyway have a wonderful week
I hope i get a date for the RMI soon i ll keep you all posted
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Brightness - welcome!! i think we did at one point talked about our status and sometimes updated what's going on in the men department....mostly we're just talking about life, what's going on w us.
E - lol...yeah i am hooked. another one i want to recommend is Tunnel from PBS. it's very very good. i love the two main characters....the 2nd season is even better.
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BB- ha ha, I do like them all!
Did I ever share with you I got to see Jeff Bridges when he was here for the film festival a couple months ago?
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Deb- no I just forgot I told you guys! I do like him though!
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Brightness- I am also looking for a thread about dating after dx. This is the only one I've found. I truly wonder if anyone ever finds a man that will accept us after all we've been through.
This is my second battle with bc. The first time I was married. He blamed me for getting it. I went through all tx alone that time as well. This time is a lot harder because I was only 30 the first time.
My ex left me for younger woman in 2014. I'm still not over that. He moved us to Florida for his job and then left me. I'm disabled so I don't work, so I don't get the chance to meet people. I don't know anyone where I live. I also have no living family so trying to move to be around them is impossible.
I don't know how to meet friends, much less date. I'm not done with tx yet...just thinking about the future. I don't want to be alone the rest of my life.
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Alone- I am sorry you have had to deal so much. To have cancer not once, but twice and then to be in a place where you have no support system with a spouse that split on you is just so hard.
I wanted to suggest that maybe you find a bc support group where you live so you have more people around you as you go through treatment. There are groups in many areas where there are volunteers (usually other bc survivors) who understand all this. You may be able to at least find some like minded women to connect with. You mentioned you are disabled, but know of my friend who does this for others that she will offer rides, etc. In case it is hard for you to get out and have transportation. Your cancer center, MO office, etc. can be a great resource for this type of info.
Regarding dating, as BB said, some here have dated during treatment and since. Others have tried and chosen not to continue at this time. For me personally, I went through a lot during my time of dx five years ago (beyond cancer) and it has taken me awhile to feel ready to try it again. I am finally getting there this year, but yet to get out on a date. I was not in a relationship when I got my dx.
Because your husband blamed you and left you around your dx, just be sure you feel really strong before you put yourself out there again. Take care of you first!
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Thanks for the advice Jazz.
To clarify, my husband blamed me during my first diagnosis. That was in 2004. He left me in 2014. I was just diagnosed again in April 2017.
I'm disabled, but can get to appointments, store etc. I was Army Airborne when I was younger. I have many orthopeadic issues from Army.
I also had a heart attack in 2013. It was because the radiation from the first cancer treatment caused damage.
I have 2 son's. The oldest is in college for his masters degree, he's almost 24. My youngest is 17 and a senior in HS this year. I'm far closer to my oldest, he was always a momma boy, but don't see him much. My youngest was a daddy's boy, however he hasn't spoke to his dad in 2 years. Neither of my kids have contact with their dad. He and his new wife mentally, emotionally and physically abused my youngest. He has PTSD from the abuse. My oldest hasn't spoke to him since he left us. My ex doesn't pay child support. He was also ordered in the divorce to pay for the boys college, but doesn't.
I'm just having a hard time with my oldest being gone and knowing that my youngest will be next year. I can't take care of our home with my disabilities without one of my boys. I'm also struggling to provide with just my disability.
I'm kinda in the same situation as BB. I had a 20 year marriage thought everything was fine and one day it wasn't. I also lived a life of luxury during my marriage. I had a degree when we met and was making a great income. I put him through college and together we never had a financial concern. By the time I became disabled , we had a lot of money in savings. Before he told me he was leaving, that morning he went to the bank and withdrew all the money. He even took the kids college account that had a little over 100,000. In total, he took over $300,000. I walked away with absolutely nothing but my personal things. He made me move out of our 5700sqft house so he and his girlfriend now wife could live there. He even kept most of my boys things for her kids. I don't care for me, but my boys went from having everything to having nothing. They don't even have a dad anymore. To be honest, they don't ever want to see him again.
He even tried to keep my service dog that I got from the VA. Anyway, we don't have much but I can at least put food on the table. But that's getting harder with my medical bills. That's why I didn't have reconstruction.
I never got over my ex or the divorce. Then got hit with cancer again. I haven't dated in over 25 years. I just hope that someday I will meet someone who truly loves me. I was just about ready to try dating and here I am with no boobs no overies and going through menopause. I was always very independent, I don't know why I'm not that way anymore. The end of my marriage devistated me now this. If I had some friends I think it would help.
I'm not materialistic at all, but from having everything that I helped build taken away to just barely surviving stinks. My kids were always told that their college would be paid for and when they each graduate from college they would each get $100,000 to use as a down payment on a home. He took all that from them. My heart hurts when I think about all the money he took, our house that they have and he's making over $200,000 a year. He is happy with the love of his life and all the money and doesn't care that he lost his kids.
I guess I should just give up hope of ever finding someone. With all my medical issues and history no one would sign up for that. I'm no where close to even being able to date. It would probably be at least 2 years. I just loved being married and having a family as all of mine have passed.
Sorry for rambling. I just have n
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Hi Alone1,
At the very least you have us. I can't imagine what you've been through. I'm alone2 but I do have a bff a few miles away that I see a couple times a mo but other than that, I decided my fam isn't good for my mental health and don't see them (they are 30 min away). Sometimes even if you have people, it's just not the best fit and it's better not to hang around them.
Jazz suggestion to find a bc support group is a good one. Friendships form in there and you have much in common to start talking about. Another place is a church. I find people who go to church are very kind people. I have a neighbor who is religious. I'm not but I do appreciate her caring and praying for me. She saw me struggle to bring up bags of groceries up my steep stairs and she just took them from me and brought them up. She's always wanting to help. If we were a good match in terms of likes and such I'd chill with her. But just because there are people around doesn't mean you will click and feel like you want to chill with them. So it is hard.
I was married long ago for a couple years. No kids. Decided from back then ('93) marriage isn't for me, too independent. Now if someone wants to hang with me, no prob. I just don't see why at my age and all I need a piece of paper hassle again when there is no yearning (or possibility for that matter) for kids. I'd focus on finding friendships. The best relationships start with friendship imo. If it goes somewhere, cool, if not then you have a friend.
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Alone- just so much that has gone on for you. But know it is true for many of the sisters here. By the time we get to cancer, there has been a whole lot of other hard stuff along the way. Like we needed one more bad thing to happen. It must have been awful to live with someone who blamed you for your illness (and I had people do that to me too, but mostly friends who are gone from my life now). You are strong sister.
If I can suggest anything, one thing cancer taught me was to simplify my life. If your last son will be leaving soon, this may be the opportunity to move into something smaller and more affordable. Maybe something where you can get some type of benefits with your military service. I am not familiar with all those things military folks have available, but know they exist for many service folks and some who have suffered from disability from their service too.
Have you looked to see if there is a thread here with others who have been in the service and what resources coudl be available for you? Could be some ideas there. There are threads for everything here or you can start your own and ask questions?
If you have not dated in awhile, it would be overwhelming anyways even without having had cancer. I have never been married, some serial monogomous relationships but not been anything serious in 7 years. After recently dealing with an old flame from 30 years ago, I was reminded that what we used to do and were looking for now is very different than when we were younger.
Can you find someone to be with? Don't rule that out, but I have found I have had to get clear with myself about what I am wanting these days at the ripe old age of 57. I personally will need to have some time to really get to know someone before I even share my cancer story with them. Remember folks our age may have had health issues too.
It also sounds like you need a good lawyer. Someone who drains the bank accounts, including kids college funds need a visit to court.
What treatment are you going through with your reoccurrence? Are you just on the anti-hormone treatment now per your profile footnotes. Looks like I am glad to hear you are not metastatic either.
Glad you found us here and let us know how else we can help?
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