Single life after a mastectomy
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Hello- I have been on bco for a year or so and was surfing around for new threads and found this one! I am a single gal too, had my treatment between late 2012-3013 and heading into my second six month follow up next week.
Thought this might be a nice new place to land and see several familiar names here from other threads, but some new people too. I think there are some unique things that go with all this and being single. I look forward to joining your conversation.
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Enerva- I read back to some previous threads and sorry to hear about your sister being diagnosed. My sister and I went through breast cancer treatment together between 2012-2013. She was diagnosed in the July of 2012, and then I was in September that same year. It was unbelievable to those that knew that we got it at the same time. We had two family deaths earlier that year, including that of our mother, and then both got diagnosed later in the year with bc. Life is very unfair and you do question why some families have to go through so much.
I hope they can find the right treatment plan for your sister that she can get through. Be sure to have her come to BCO for support too as she needs that.
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Bosumblues.........got it!
Now to look for that sweet pic for dear E. Rock that exam!!!
Welcome Jazzy
Is it too early for wine?
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Piper
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Want to go for a ride???
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blues - not too old at all. i think cubs like that are good for fun...but i never see them as r/s materials....
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Oh finally i am done with course two. Well if i passed lol we ll know by Wed, Sandpiper i want that picture lol can u send it to me by email pls cam_enerva@hotmail.com lol i wish i could go for a ride with my channin lol welcome to the new lady and my friend Blues i hear you, i am the same, yesterday i was wondering how come i am so empty now. Also i see myself in the mirror and hate my breast
its so not fair, i must take another surgery and i just want it all to go away. i need a nap ll come back in a bit will talk soon
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Channing says he's coming with you E.........rest well you deserve it.
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BosumBlues- what is the expression? When one door closes, another one opens. But it's the hallways that are hell! Welcome to the hallway.
I think the fact that you don't have any deeper feelings for your former love is a good sign, a sign of healing, and one of growth. But it is leaving you feeling unsure, maybe what to feel now?
My last relationship was in 2010 and the man pursued me for quite some time until I finally let it happen, then as quickly as it did happened, he just disappeared. It is not like I don't know that men do that, but it left me dazed and confused for a long time. Then a lot of really hard times hit myself and my family the following year, and I just had no time to think about him anymore.
I ran into the man in 2012 right after my mother died, and when I saw him, I found it surprising that nothing bothered me any more. We had a sort of normal conversation that day, and I mentioned my mother had passed and he told me his sister had just died of breast cancer. He and his sister had no relationship in their adult life, as he had told me once before. He was very clearly freaked out about the whole thing. He was doing some self destructive things that he talked about, and I realized right then how emotionally stunted and unavailable he was. That whole conversation made me realize I was very glad it did not work out. I saw him again later that year at a concert with a woman and that also did not bother me either. I know he would have not been able to be there for me when I would have really needed him.
You were in a marriage and that is a very different story. No doubt the void feels much bigger for you. But I think we single gals all need to be open to the possibility of someone new and nice in our lives. I know I don't feel very good about all the changes to my body that have gone on these past few years. I go swimming at the nearby gym and men often flirt with me. I just let that happen without the need to make anything further happen. The flirting makes me feel good actually. It is enough for the time being.
Wishing you an open heart and new companionship possibilities here in the month of love!
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Blues aka D
HUGS. Much wisdom in what Miss Jazzy wrote above.
I have not a feeling in the world regarding my sons father. Granted My son is 19yo and I made the decision to leave that relationship behind when my son was an infant. Sometimes I reflect on my "real" true love from 4 years ago and think to myself I was never really in love with my sons father. Regardless I even questioned my ambivalence toward baby daddy today and remembered all of the really good reasons I left that relationship.
It is like swimming in dark waters. While soothing it contains a little hint of fear.
Are we questioning ourselves based on our own feelings or because society tells us it is or isn't normal
Well...I usually defer to my own feelings in lieu of societal views anyhow.
So Blues feel what you feel and allow it.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Piper
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Jazz thanks
I woke up and stared at the ceiling thinking, did i go this morning to take the exam? lol or i dreamed of it?
I dont know what to tell blues, other than VENT!!!! girl i am not sure what i feel anymore lol
i woke up and thought for a wile, I have to give my place a good clean tomw and do laundry, i ll go see if i got a new family doctor since mine just left town, she sent me a letter saying a new doctor will be contacting me and its been two weeks and no calls. I will call to find out if i can have the consultation appointment with the new PS. cuz when i call him last month he could not see me, the secretary said there was no point cuz it was to fresh, i need to let my body heal, well its healing but i hate what i see and its depressing me. Can he at least see me and say " yes i can fix it" or not maybe not.
Regarding love, i am not sure i will ever be in love again, the weird part is that i dont think about it us much now. Maybe i found the cure for my heart. Maybe chemo fry my heart?
I wonder.....
I want to pass the exam so i can take course 3, the truth is that studying took my mind away from my reality and i need that badly lol my appointment with the PT us this week and then starting on Feb 21, fir 6 months every Friday so i figure i wont be working ful time for the first 6 months and that is not going to help my life lol
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Enerva- what is your exam? Are you studying for a certification? I am sure you will do well, I have done enough tests and cert exams in my life to know how stressful they are. Keep us posted!
Know what I do every Valentines Day each year these days? I send cards to the people in my life who I care about and who care about me. I especially send my single girlfriends a card because we get left out of the mix each February. Another of those holidays when "coupledom" prevails. To me Valentines Day is about love and love comes in all shapes and sizes, not just romantic love.
I am going to see the breast surgeon next Friday to begin my next 6 month follow up. Do I know how to have fun on Valentines Day or what?
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I do believe I am going to buy those little valentines (like when we were kiddos) and pass them out. I used to be the person who always sent cards to everyone. Nothing like receiving some snail mail. great idea Jazzy.
And something to work on in the meantime....... LOL
Cheers fellow singletons. Get those corks popping so we can make that wreath
Piper
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Hi Jazz i am studying to become a real estate sale rep lol they now call themselves that . No more agents lol
So it takes 4 courses to get the license. Well if you finish the first 3 courses you can start trading.
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F&F- love the cork wreath! I love all things with hearts! I am going to wear my heart sweatshirt today. All you need is love....
Enerva- good job! Wishing you luck and hope you are out there soon selling houses!
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I wish I could Brava my "good" side. With gaining weight my recon boob is fuller and It is kind of obvious.
Anywho.....wanted to pop in and give up the pic of the day...a little something for most of our tastes.
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okay all these images reminded me of this morning, i woke up to my pinches pinkie and in the process of going back to sleep, it's about 10 to 6am. i heard my neighbor (couldn't tell upstairs or downstairs or right adjacent)...she's moaning the whole time until i decided to get up at 8:45am.
i was bit jealous and horny....
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OMG. ....Junie......LMAO!
Awesome! ? !
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BosomBlues- I think the same was the same for the guy I was with. There was something very deep with him that went back to his family of origin. I know he was adopted and just sensed there was some sort of abuse that went on. He was having problems with his work when we connected in 2010, and he went off to take work in CA for a year, which I totally understood. I knew he was looking for work out of state, I just did not expect him to leave without a word. We ran into each other about 18 months after things ended and it was very uncomfortable, but he acted like he just wanted to pick up again. I was no longer interested. Men who disappear without a word will do it again. The times I saw him after that were the ones I shared earlier. I was clear he was not the man for me.
And I think men 10 years younger are just fine! I don't really like the men my age or older, the younger ones seem much more open and fun to me! I was in a salsa class this morning eyeing a guy who was probably 20 years my junior. Just call me Mrs. Robinson.....
Also, I hopped on this thread and had a double lumpectomy/partial mastectomy on both sides. I thought this thread was for single women but later noticed it was for single women who have had mastectomies. Not sure if you feel it is appropriate for me to stay or not given that? I do still have a lot of body image concerns, although they are different because of the type of surgery I had. I will respect whatever you folks here feel is okay.
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LOL Jazzy, I for one have no discussion board/thread hang-ups. Cripes we are all in the single boat.
BC does amazing things for a girls self image no matter what we have gone through.
Besides, I Haven't seen the originator of this thread in the time I have been here.
You are initiated. Of course that is pending my own sponsership into this club. I just jumped in here and haven't left these poor ladies alone yet.
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F&F- I was just reading your pathology and footnote. You have an amazing story. BC is just so unpredictable!
Thanks for encouraging me to stay. It is nice to have a place to talk about single womanly things.
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BosumBlues- I agree with you. Same for me with the men, one extreme to the other. Either the men I have been with have either been too insensitive or very sensitive and they cannot support themselves.
We do all need to take very good care of ourselves post treatment. You keep doing what you are doing.
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I guess this thread is stuck with us now Jazzy. Yeah, pretty crazy and amazing pathology with my DCIS. I was mad about the recommendation to have a mastectomy. My sister was slightly embarrassed and shocked when I told the BS he wasn't going to take my breast over something that was non-invasive. How much I have learned since then. The MRI projected the areas of involvement to be @7 or so cm. And of course the Bx and final path showed numerous slides containing DCIS with comedo necrosis. I am so fortunate and now realize this. Hindsight eh? Anyhow I remember my BS sitting in my hospital room and me being kind of high on meds when he said they had the final path. My heart sank for a brief moment..then he shared the best news ever. I could see in his expression that he was just as excited as I was, though very surprised that it was pure DCIS.
BosBlue-My nipple is fantastic! I do not have huge nips but they were generous in their projection.....so, PS suggested I could share. Having extreme headlights then only having one was weird so I was glad to trim the natural nip and have yet another way to donate my own tissue.
It isn't a perfect match, but you would never be able to tell it isn't the original. The only problem was the tat (2 applications) did not take. I was going to go back but I am not really broken up about it. Maybe I will revisit the thought in the spring.
I don't know if we can share pics in PM, but I would be happy to send one to you. My PS is a pretty talented fellow!
Doesn't it just figure the CL man turned piggish. Besides, what does it say about him to be "chatting" with another gal while still with the old one. Even if the relationship is platonic on your end...that really is highly questionable behavior. Come on Blues baby.....you need someone available, even if for friendship, not someone looking to jump ship and whine about the gf to you.
Oh shoot.
Let me just step off that soap box and take a little sip of wine.
I think there is something wrong with me. I wanted to watch the Beatles tribute and every time I flick it on, they pan the audience and show over aged women dancing badly. I just wanna see the artists play their music. I watched a little of Ringo. Just isn't doing it for me. I would rather surf YouTube for old videos than watch this show. ;(
xoxoxoxo
Piper
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BosumBlues- well, my experience with men is no, they are hard to just be friends with. When I was younger, I had lots of single male friends. With time I realized most of them were doing that just to get closer to me because they were wanting to ask me out, and or sleep with me. Most of the male friends I have now are attached to female friends of mine, where I consider both the man and woman my friend. They know better than to misbehave with me! Sorry that fellow got creepy with you.
Piper- too bad you did not get to see the Beatles show more. It was very good, especially at the end with Ringo and Paul's performances. But like with the Grammy's a couple weeks ago, they did do a lot of panning of the audience. I was amazed how much George Harrison's son Dhani looks like him. If nothing else, go back and YouTube Ringo and Sir Paul's performances when you can.
And Peter Frampton (who I love, love LOVE) was in Ringo's backup band! I spotted him before Ringo pointed him out as he played here a few years ago. I never saw the Beatles in concert (I was a kid in the 1960s), but did see Peter Frampton in 1976!
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Hi ladies, Jazz pls stay here.
June, lol about you neighbors making noises fir you to wake up all excited lol
I go away a day or so and so much to read here lol
Who is the owner of this tread ? lol i though it was Blues lol
Blues careful with the pig, i am such a suck I just cant trust any man now.
I need help.....
How will i ever trust again?
well i finally got an appointment on feb 23rdyes a Sunday at 11am ti see new PS
weird he works on Sunday
Anyway i just heard the next course is full till April ;(
i will be back at work by then, oh well i will see about doing it On nights.
U was in bed all day yesterday got up went to Walmart and bought a Mango ha ha ha i felt the need to eat a green Mango lol then my P started to come, maybe its like pregnan woman ha ha ha
i am now finally cleaning and will try to organize my storage room.
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So its mediation week, and so my husband claims he can't be "nice" to me cause its stressful. Well its f***ing stressful for me too... and now hurtful in addition.
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Oh, Bdavis - lol - I was wondering where you've been. Not laughing at the situation - just laughing at your comment - yeah, I'd think it would be stressful for you, too! These guys are too much. Even though my husband lied and cheated, I was and still am willing to negotiate... but he just won't. They want everything to go their way. Sending you a PM in a moment...
Welcome to all of our new friends here. :-)
Jazzy - A lumpectomy is a partial mastectomy, so, yes, you should be here. We've each had something different done - some had UMX, others BMX. We've each chosen different types of reconstruction. Some here are single; others divorced; some of us separated. Yet, we're all pretty much in the same boat.
If I remember correctly, the woman who first started this thread - who had a MX - found love very quickly. I wonder what she would think of this thread becoming so busy all of a sudden.
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lol Well that gives us hope, i was watching the new show the detectives lol i like Mathew but not in this show. It seams he over acts lol
Bdavis good luck with the meditation
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Good morning all, i didnt take any sleeping pill last night, fall sleep around 2:30am woke up now, which mean my insomnia is still with me, i ll get up have a shower and start to do something not sure yet what??? lol
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Bdavis- sorry to hear your husband is being a jerk. I will share something my sister reminds me of whenever people around me are difficult. She says "whatever is going on around you, always stay in your own integrity." Now that is easier said than done, but remind this man who you really are.
I hope you is ever helping with the mediation can get things working in the right direction for you. So sorry you have to deal with this on top of everything else.
Enerva- a lot of doctors are now starting to have weekend time. I know my PCP's group now does, couple nights a week and also on the weekend. I have gone in to see my breast surgeon on a Saturday too. I think some of them just know people have to work and they need to try to do apts around their work. I have seen a shift in the medical community around this too, and with the new ACA, we have more people who will be seeking care of all kinds, so organizations have to adapt to that and just have more options for hours. I hope your apt goes well and let us know what is next for you with your recon.
I am totally hooked on the new True Detective show on HBO. I have seen four of the shows so far, and think both Woody and Matt M. are very good in their role and working together. The HBO mini series are so very good at immersing you in a culture of any story line and hooking you into what is going on right away. The show has good writing as well as good acting.
Time to get going to my day. And thank you for encouraging me to stay here. I like this single girls thread!
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Jazz have a great day at work, oh yes i too love the show and i love Mathew but i hate the way he smokes the garrets lol just cuz it seams he is over acting i am not liking him at all it just annoys me to see him smoking like that maybe cuz deep down i wish i could have a cigarette too lol I smoke many years ago and i have to admit these week with all my sis is going through i miss the smoking and i have thought about you Blues i totally see how hard it must be to quit now, but please try, if you can. I just worry, and yes call me mom again lol
Anyway there is another show which you may have seen Jazz its called Durham County, let me know if you watch it. There is a Lady who had bc in that show and i could not believe what happen on season 3.
How is everybody?
Tessaaaaa how are you??
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