Single life after a mastectomy
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Enerva- I have not seen Durham County. What channel? I don't get all of them, just the basic cable plus HBO. When I went to AZ for my radiation treatments last year, I got into HBO and watched so many shows on it and added it to my cable last spring. I will look for it and may be able to find it on YouTube also.
I like MM when he is the character working with Woody. His best acting. The part years later where he is a chain smoking alkie is not as good.
Bosum- I saw Frampton years ago at the New Haven Coliseum in CT where I grew up. I was sixteen in 1976, and he was everyone's heart throb. He was very thin, in tight pants then too, and oh that long blonde hair. It was a memorable concert.
He is a very good musician, always liked his guitar playing. I thought he did well the other night with the Beatles. Lots of English musicians performing that night! Rock on United Kingdom!
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Hi, how are you ladies ready for all the flowers tomorrow lol
I organized my apt so to make room for all the red roses lol
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Here is your first delivery E!!!
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Nice sandpiper! I got a few cards this week and that was nice!
In my writing class last night, one of the fellow writers gave us all chocolate hearts. So sweet!
Surprises come from all kinds of places this time of the year! Be open to nice surprises from everyone!
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BB, I used to be a domestic freaking goddess too! Now it's an effort to locate the energy and fondness i had for all of that... I lost somewhere in the last year and a half.
Jazzy, since they are replaying the Beatles Tribute, I am giving it a second chance. Currently watching Joe Walsh totally jam it out. I still don't like the audience pan but so far I caught this from the beginning and the musical tributes are very good. Johnny Depp has a fantastic speaking voice, but wow, he was sooooooo strange in his delivery.
I am so tired today. I know I worked nights, but they let me go home early and I got almost 7 hours of sleep and feel like I had 2.
Of course my son works until close tonight. Bleh! Hope he isn't too late getting out tonight. Bleh. I need sun.... SUN and warmth I tell you!!!!
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Hi single babes- one of my girlfriends (also one my greatest supporters during BC treatment) asked me to go to a Latin music/dance fest on Friday evening, so I now have plans to do something fun instead of just hang at home. She said "I wanted to have something fun to do on V-day and thought you would like to too!" Thank god for our girlfriends!
Its been a crazy week, three friends of mine have had deaths in their immediate families this week between Sunday to Monday, and I may be spending my weekend at funerals and gatherings. One of the passings is the mom of a good friend of one mine and I knew her mom well. We often did things together and the mom would come too. There is a nice sat evening dinner for the family, they are doing this vs. traditional services.
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OMG! BB made me LOL!
I was thinking of calling Sissy to see if they are available for a visit. I think I spent last V day with my babies.
( I have 2 nieces and a nephew). I bought valentines-the ones with the gummi life saver. For when I work Sat.
E=could you make room on your table for a little something else.....
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Hi girls. I've been following this thread because I'm single too.
When I made the decision to have a lumpectomy I was married, and not really worried about having perfect breasts. I felt lucky that I could still feel my breast. 3 years later I found myself divorced and it started to bug me what my breasts looked like, but no way was I going to take the time to have surgery. I was too busy enjoying my free time to take time out for cosmetic surgery. Then when I was diagnosed again I decided to go for BMX with DIEP and I'm really happy with the results. I had no idea that the nasty scar under my arm and my old 10" oophorectomy scar could be improved so much. Everything looks so much better and it's boosted my self confidence.
I've been single for 4 years now, and according to my Mom and her friends it takes about 3 years for a woman to get established in her singlehood and start to get more comfortable with being single than being in a relationship. I've definitely reached the point where I am having a hard time being open to having someone else in my life. I really WANT to want to be with someone, and I fantasize about meeting the perfect guy who will fit into my lifestyle and not drag me down with his limitations on time, finances or health. Realistically I know that the problem is my lack of willingness to really put an effort into dating and not a complete lack of suitable men. In four years I have only met one person that I had feelings for. He broke it off with me a month into it because I still was angry about the divorce. I appreciated the time we spent together because while I had no physical feelings for my ex husband when things ended, I did for this new guy, and that gave me the confidence that if I met the right guy I would be able to have those feelings again. The thing is that I haven't been able to feel anything for anyone since. I rarely meet anyone that meets my basic criteria, and when people flirt with me I miss the cues and figure it out when it's too late. I do a great job getting myself out there but I'm socially awkward and it is just so much work for me to flirt that it's easier to not bother at all.
For 3 years I've been avidly into hiking and kayaking, both hobbies I started after my divorce. This past year I had to slow down because of my health, so I started spending more time dancing because its less strenuous than the outdoor stuff. Dancing has been fun, but its a small community and there is no one there I'm interested in and most of the dancers are too young for me. Still it's helped me feel just a little more sexy and a little less socially awkward. It gives me positive energy that lasts for days.
Valentines day was never a big deal to me. I never cared much for flowers, gifts or dramatic displays of affection. The only thing I ever wanted from a partner was quality time. My marriage ended when I discovered a valentines day card given to my ex from his girlfriend. Of course it is more complicated than that but that was when it all unraveled, so I find Valentines day a bit irritating on the one hand, but just like my cancerversary which is also in February, it makes me stop and think about how far I've come. Everyone thinks I'm such a hero because of how I've survived all this cancer crap, but divorce was the hardest thing I've ever survived and recovered from.
For you ladies new to divorce, I have several words of advice which I hope are helpful. First, find a divorce recovery support group in your area. Most of these are associated with churches. It can be so validating to work through these emotions with the help of other divorcees. Divorce shatters your support system and many friendships no longer fit or get lost in the fray. Other divorcees are looking for a new support system, so its a natural place to build new friendships and fill in those gaping holes you think you need filled with a man while you recover and become emotionally ready for a new relationship. Second, find a hobby and positive ways to stay engaged with others and make new friends. Try to stop grieving your old life, old friends, old relationship and start building a new one. You may be amazed at what doors it will open or what new things become your passions. Meetup.com is a great place to start to find activities. I found activities around common interests more fulfilling than singles groups. Third, if you are religious or spiritual, do what you need to do to feel connected to your source. This can be a great time for spiritual growth. When I was divorced I felt so spiritually hungry and decided it was time for me to shop for a new church and explore other religions. I'm happier in my new spiritual home. The book I found most helpful in my recovery was "Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends" by Bruce Fisher. It laid out recovery as a process of building blocks. It was helpful for me to see this as a process, and recognize when I was making progress.
Marsha
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Hi Marsha- you sound like you have navigated so many things so gracefully. Thanks for sharing your story with us!
I agree with Marsha about Meetup groups. I did them a few years back and really enjoyed them and met great people. I had to withdraw when my mother went into a decline, then passed, then my health problems began. I am thinking of joining some again this year when I get some breathing room.
I took a writing class recently and met some great new friends, including a single guy who seems interested in me. Right now, something casual like meeting for coffee, or dinner, or a walk is of most interest. Finding classes, activities, etc. is a great way to meet people and you already have at least one thing in common.
I think trying to date after all this is certainly overwhelming. Glad we have a place here to talk about this.
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Bosum- I never knew there were men out here doing that. I always thought I might run across a man here who has breast cancer as they do get it too.
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LMAO Sand thanks, love the roses
Marsha welcome,
Hope you all have a great V day. I was crocheting all day, and going in that stupid site to check my marks but nothing is posted yet. I hope tmw i will know if i passed the exam, or if instead of knitting i should be studying lol made some cute new patterns. The trues is that i need to be busy or i go nuts lol Will check on you all tmw
)I am so worry about Venezuela s situation , it does not look good at all and my family been there and my sister going through bc now, I am not sure how to keep my mind off it...
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Enerva - I hope the situation in Venezuela is safe soon.
Marsha - Welcome. I have a six-inch oophorectomy scar myself and would love to find a way to make it invisible.
Well, I guess I should start working on making room for all the roses... lol. (Enerva - lol.)
Goodnight, all.
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Hoping for peace in Venezuela and keeping your family in my thoughts E.
Looking forward to celebrating your passing the exam too!
Jazzy-it sounds as if you are experiencing some attention from men, which is way more than I can say.
Marsha-I often find it hard to connect too. Maybe some could say I am picky, I just say I do give people/men a chance. I have been on a lot of first and second dates. BUT there are very few men I find I have a certain chemistry with. I am finding too, it is getting harder and harder to trust anyone! And at the end of the day I am not going to compromise honesty and integrity.
Anywho...I could write a book on that.
Oh geez now Life is making room .......you girls are going to bust my budget!
Where did our other singles run off too???
Ya'll have fun distributing the pups.
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Happy V day to all of you, Sand those pups are adorable i ll keep them all lol If i ever have a bunch of pups i know i could be hurt to give them away.
Happy Valentine day !!!! lol oh ya i am already drunk with my bottle, thanks for sending such a great date my way lol
Where is everybody?
hummm maybe they found love and didnt even care to share the news lol
ok later alligators...
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E...LOLOL you truly are celebrating early girl
exam results yet????
Here's a few more Valentines
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Oh Oh Oh ya i just realized its the 13 th Sand i want that top, i will look fir it in the internet i WANT IT hahahaahhahaha Did you watch that movie? where his wife goes into a coma and wakes up and push him away GDI that idiot ha ha ha ha OH boy i do feel as if i had a bottle of wine instead i slept like 15 hours after not sleeping for nights lol
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ok let me go to the OReA site see if marks are up lol
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Ladies i passed lol did a little better on this too lol got 81, that means the theory killed me lol Oh well at least is over i can sign for the next one now.
look see how Chemo affected my brain lol
i used to be an A+ and now i guess i hardly retain any information in my brain ;(
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Now where is Channing and the wine lol
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I love the puppies! Pure love.
I've been reading this website for a few days, it's entertaining and informative. Written for guys but i like his direct style and no BS attitude.
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Thanks girls, I will sign up so i get the book and start readying again lol
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Enerva- yay you passed! I used to care about getting top scores, now I just want it to be a passing score! I did a certification a few years back through Stanford for my work, some on campus, some on line. The on line tests were not that hard, and the passing score was 87 or higher. I made it through all of them and know that is a very stressful process. Congrats on the news and on to your next one!
If you ever want to read a fun and insightful book about the way men think, read Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey. Now you are saying "but he is a comedian, what does he know?" The book is really about the way men think, view women, etc. Not that you will agree, but men do think about things very differently than we do. For some, it is very basic about what they want and what matters to them. He points out common things like not rushing into sex, knowing many men are just surfing until the find the one they really want to be with, etc. The later is where I have gotten hung up so many times, I think they are really interested but they are just looking.
Another friend of mine says the only relationships she is interested in are ones where the guy lives under a different roof. I like the idea of simple dating and companionship without the complications of others in my home on a permanent basis. I have seen several women do that well, they are with someone they enjoy, but each has their own home, money, etc. Different way of having relationships, which makes sense as we age. I don't assume any man will take care of me if I get sick.
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Blues glad you came out again, Thank you so much for your words.
Regarding man, yes i am also still isolated and have not intention of looking for a man yet unless Channing you know!!! lol
Anyway tomw is the big day gdi another V day alone lol
ahhhhh who cares i ll crochet a pair of shoes for a baby who is coming to this shit hole next week ha ha ha sorry just kidding i am not that miserable, its just Vday lol gets in my skin lol
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Thanks Bosumblues, You are taking care of yourself and that's what is important. You will know when you are ready for change. I'm impatient with myself.
Jazz, I'm totally down with your friend. I don't want a roommate.
Enerva, congrats on your test!
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Blues- I live alone and was alone at home for most of my recovery. I had visiting nurses too. Friends who came to help and also got me out. I have very little family at this point in my life, so I get by with a little help from my friends. It did make me realize that as I age, should I live a longer life, I will need to move into something where I have people around. A lot of my single friends, even those with friends and family around, think the same thing too!
I got through it all just fine! But I know should anything bigger come along, I may need to consider higher a private nurse.
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Yes it is very sad, I see the seniors who live alone in my building and it breaks my heart. Never thought i could be one of them
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Enerva- I don't think we have to be those people. Think of the Golden Girls who lived together in their senior years. I know women who have done that, moved in together to a house, all had their own rooms, etc. They shared meals and expenses, gave each other rides, helped each other. The only thing that sucks is if you end up taking care of everyone else, and end up being the last one! That is sort of the story of my life already!
I think it is the wave of the future. Even people with kids don't always have them around like in times gone by. Some children live far away, even in different countries.
That assume we all live to be a ripe old age. Not to be morbid, but I don't assume anything.
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Even if we all were married women, one spouse always ends up alone at some point.
This discussion on being single while sick reminds me: I admired this single woman (Monica Knoll) who sadly passed on a couple of years ago after first fighting BC and later ovarian cancer:
http://cancer101.org/about-c101/remembering-monica/
She talked about living with cancer as a single woman. I admired her because she made it her mission to help other people, first by creating a guide free-of-charge for patients (I used it during my treatments - that's how I heard about her) and also through charity work.
Btw, Piper, thanks for the adorable puppies. :-)
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Life- that is a great link and what an inspirational story. Whether single or married, most people find they are never alone, there are always people to help. I certainly experienced that during my treatment and recovery.
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you ladies have been busy this afternoon. I will check out the links later -Marsha and Jazzy ty
I have always said separate places, I like that philosophy. Of course there was one person who I never was bothered by having around. That is when I really knew I had found (and later lost) "The One."
ANYWHO.........
I knew you would pass E!!!! Congrats. Take it and run....1 more to go.....woot!
I really need to go make friends with my treadmill.
Will return to see if any of you fine ladies are lurking about.
Oh and E....totally LMAO! 2 days of celebrating the lonely hearts day puts me to shame.
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