Single life after a mastectomy
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Stopping in to give hugs..
Weather is finally improving........hoping to get out in the sun today........I need some Vitamin D.
Still lacking in energy....but hoping to figure this out.
E!?!?!? Where are you girl.
Oh Life....sucks to have things falling apart........and not having the money to replace......
Junie....I took a long bath last week. First time in a very long time....candles, wine, music, bubbles and all. It was nice...but I also find I am severely exhausted and depressed with my periods. Some days I feel like a hormonal teen in an old ladies body....
BB, seems like you are on a bit of a roller coaster yet........extra hugs while you go through this process...
Jazzy..we are doing a "go Live" this week with a newer system program for lab acquisitions and generating labels (at the patients bedside from our mobile computers). Wishing you a smooth "Go Live". I cannot imagine the work, time and energy you are putting forth in the next few weeks. Gentle hugs.
xoxoxoxox
Piper
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Piper- you speak go live! Yes, we have finished four days and mostly okay so far. Bringing up the last of the hospitals in this delivery system on the new system (new registration, clinicals, billing system). This is the last of our go lives (I have done 4 in 13 months) and it has been a lot of work. I will wrap this up in July on this contract.
Hope your go live is going okay too!
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LOL Jazzy, I have been the end user of too many "Go Lives" to mention. Our latest has experienced some glitches. Orders for certain labs were not crossing over. To be honest, I feel like this latest one is setting us back. It processes orders through an antiquated system for the lab. I have used the 'Sunquest' Lab system for the last 20 years. It is frustrating when we have numerous systems integrated, some of which have not been upgraded forever. Not only that outpatient and inpatient use different processes in the same system and I also had worked with a semi-outpatient/triage system integrated with the inpatient charting, lab, admission computer systems. It gives me a headache, but instead of `bringing working staff on board the changes come from the top and trickle down. Something I am sure you have heard before. I once had a computer whiz ask my advice while designing a system for a local hospital (probably 12 yrs ago) Like anything, it is often outdated the day of inception. Or hospitals buy into downgraded versions. Ironically we are at the top stage of clinical computerization for hospitals. I roll with it and for some reason become the go to girl for many of my peers. I once considered Informatics......It isn't too late.......I just don't have the money for grad school right now.........oh well.......hoping your system is experiencing a smooth transition and no one is too irrational through the process....
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I just want to second what BB said above...
Enerva - We're thinking about you... hoping you and your family are doing well.
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Enerva- BB is right, check in with us please! Last we heard of you was around your test. Are you okay? Is your sis okay? Is there anything going on with things in Venezuela you want to talk about with us here? We miss you......
Piper- ugh, Sunquest. I know the challenges of that system only too well. We struggled through our charge testing on that system with the outside lab (partially owned by the healthcare org I work for). I bet you would be great in Informatics. Maybe there is a certification in in this you could consider if you are up for it? Have your healthcare org pay for it, especially if you are the go to person for technical questions. My client hopes to form a Revenue Informatics group and I may help then with that at some point in the future (they are not ready yet).
We are having bad wind/wind storm tonight. Grit in my teeth.....
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I hope everything is OK, and our friend Enerva is simply living life fully.
Hello, all.
BB - Same here. Usually I'm doing well with the situation, but lately I've come to see myself as "deformed." It's depressing. I'm hoping that, once I'm able to afford a tattoo artist to put on the finishing touches, I'll feel much better.
I hope everyone is all right. Hugs all around...
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Stopping in quickly to say HI.
And giving hugs all around.
Will try to stop in later this evening.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Piper
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I saw this on line of a young woman who was bald from chemo and who got married. A bit of encouragement for everyone who is still hoping for love here.
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Jazzy - Thanks for posting that link. What a beautiful bride! :-) And she's so young. I hope she and her husband enjoy many years together.BB - Every now and then I too wonder how I'd look to someone else. There was one person who - after hearing of the decision I had to make - flipped out on me. This person didn't see the results of the surgery. Just hearing that I had a MX is what caused the flipping out. After that conversation, I literally felt physically ill. I'm so glad that we have this forum because most people out there just don't understand.
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Life- sorry you had someone flip out on you about the MX. I had people flip out on me just about hearing the news I had cancer. I think for any of us who have gone through this, we need to take it slow with people and ease into anything. If they cannot deal with it, best to step out of the way and let them pass on by. Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves and others is to step out of the way and let someone pass on by. I just don't have the energy or patience anymore to make people feel okay about all that has happened.
Piper- so what did happen with your plans with the former beau? I know he has a sick father and perhaps dealing with that. And I know you have been busy with a lot of work lately (me too).
BB and Enerva- hoping you are doing okay this week. We are here if you want to share anything......
Hi to everyone else here too!
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TY so much for asking and caring....
Plans fell through because CBs (college boy) Mom entered the hospital and his sister asked CB to look after their dad for one day...The one day he and I planned to see each other. Anyhow, we have not made new plans. Come to find he has his daughter every weekend and takes her to practices during the week. While this is attractive and commendable it is more than frustrating. And why is a long story not for the boards but his Exs schedule is whacked and some other stuff.....
I am working every Mon daylight for the next month (he is free Sunday afternoon/evening) and I am scheduled 6 Fridays in a row....half of them nights.....My nightmare of a schedule. That puts me in June and I have prior commitments the first 2 weekends. He works bankers hours. We don't stand a chance at having a relationship. Right now. Apparently some of his daughters activities will wind down a bit so maybe this will free him up. Unsure. If we had something established I do not think all of this would be so hard...We just need to get to that first step.
That said........I am still mildly interested but not holding my breath.
I could go on, but the rest is just hot air er rambling....
Sent E an Email but have yet to hear back. BB? any response to your text?
Hugs LIfe and Junie and anyone else looking on or those who need them
BB......for you
xoxoxoxoxoxo
piper
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Piper- well sorry you have not been able to connect with your ex. Your lives are just very different. Just stay open and maybe you can still meet up for coffee. And of course, you could meet someone else too! You go girl!
I was thinking this week I might like to try to date again. I have not felt like that in a long time. Not interested in anything heavy, just some casual get together for dinner, music, conversation and the like. Opening up to the idea feels like a good first step for me.
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BB- you are more than your physical appearance. The man who told you that you were nothing without your looks is truly a mean and verbally abusive man. I know society sends the message over and over the women's value is still looking good and servicing others in their life (especially the men). But you are so much more than that. Don't let the jerk's words be your truth. You deserve better.
You need a mantra my dear to say to yourself every day. Something that helps to build you up when you are filled with self doubt, sadness, etc. Find words and phrases that speak to you like "healthy, lovable, energized, perfect just as I am, etc." and make them your truth. One of mine I have used for years during tough times is "I am happy, I am healthy, I am free." It pulls you back into your own self worth when the world is crumbling around you.
My sister who had bc at the same time as me had recon and a breast lift. It turned out really well for her, and I hope the same for you with your upcoming procedures. It is hard to move on with anything when you are still in treatment or not done with your recon. Right now you are still coping and surviving. I will tell you once you get beyond it, life will normalize one day, week, month at a time. Be patient with yourself. You are going through so much on every level. We care here.
Don't know what to say about Enerva except maybe she went to Venezuela. Remember she had been talking about wanting to go when she could? She took that test and maybe got that out of the way and got on her way. She is worried about her sister. Not all phones work out of the country, which may be why she has not texted back? Fingers crossed all is okay with her. Enerva, touch base here when you are able!
Hoping all the other single ladies here are doing as good as can be expected.
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Hugs BB. Totally understand. While my recon is awesome, I have gained a good amount of weight and DO NOT feel good about myself. Tamoxifen aged me more in several months than the last 5 years. Gosh BB, sometimes I feel UGH-ish, then a little secret.......someone made me feel good in the last year. Not a love interest. Just a very amazing black book entry (like I have so many) LOLOLOL But I have known a gentleman for over 3 or 4 years. Did you ever see the movie "Same Time Next Year" ? (Alan Alda and Ellen Burstyn). I saw it when I was a teen. Stuck with me for some reason. And here I have a dude who hunts me down once, twice or three times a year. I must sound like a fickle whore right now and to be honest perhaps I am. HAHAHAH. But this man fulfills my every physical desire. So, recently he calls me.............and....................we had such an amazing escape with each other......there is nothing there other than Sex. I do not even know too much about him (he is a widower and has 2 young kids so he keeps his private life separate from them) as he and I connect on such a primal level. AND it is not the CB. So now you know. I hooked up recently with my Alan Alda and it was more amazing than anything I have ever experienced. May not happen ever again...or may happen tomorrow. Now I feel guilty. I delay meeting CB because I have indulged in this one guilty pleasure. I am such a HOT MESS! Sooooooooo BB, before you take the princess award on hot messes, perhaps you should know that I too often think of splurging on cosmetic surgery when I cannot. I hope you know I love the "journal entries" I exposed myself here and so have you and countless others. I can always come back and delete. But..it feels good to express and release.
To redeem myself....BUWAHHAAAAAA I cooked loads of food and will be dropping off meals for my mom, her friend and mashed taters for my coworker who is in the hospital receiving #5 of 6 inpatient chemos. I am going to an evening lecture on nutrition and may even catch a late night flick (Only Lovers Left Alive) which is playing at a theater close to the lecture.
All that said....I need to move on my laundry and get a shower.
Hope this wasn't TMI....but sometimes it does help to know we all share some of the same fears and fantasies as another
Hugs single ladies....
xoxoxoxoxo
Piper
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Piper- love your story. Someone who makes you feel good. Nothing wrong with what I refer to as the "mutual understanding." Not all encounters need lead to relationship.
Thanks for sharing this with us! You go girl!
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Enerva - Wherever you are, I hope you and your family are doing well.
Thanks, Jazzy, for the positive words. :-)
Hugs to Piper and everyone else out there!
BB - I was doing the same thing for a while - using similar fantasies to help me through each day. To be let down so soon after being betrayed by the ex was very depressing. But, last summer, even though I was lopsided, the scars and unfinished recon didn't bother me much back then because the rest of my body was in great shape. Since then, though, I've gained weight - little by little - now I'm 15 pounds heavier, thanks to pizza, pasta, etc. ;-) Summer is right around the corner, and I let myself go. Kicking myself here. :-( So, now I'm determined to invest in myself again, starting with walking.
I hope that how ever you decide to invest in yourself will make you feel better, too. :-)
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dear piper dont take words personally i have heard these cruel word thousands of time like i am zoombie etc etc i told him i am not the only person on earth had cancer i know so many decent husbands who were stood by their wives during tough time so we are not the problem .dear husband is having issues just let him bark.not listning to him is good for your self esteem i hate these coward animals called husband
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It rained cows and horses yesterday. Maybe barns too. I do not think I have ever felt so overwhelmed by rain!
Mutual understanding....A MU! Jazzy you make it sound so much better and made me feel better. I swear I am not a loose canon. Men always pick the oddest times to creep back in our lives. And they all come out of the woodwork at the same time. Apparently I have more creepers than I was aware. HAHA. The widower will msg me out of no where and sometimes it will take months or even a year to make a plan to see each other. He's like an in-betweener. If he contacts me and I am otherwise not involved with someone else I respond. It is hit or miss with our schedules and kids. He is like a fine piece of chocolate or wine. (maybe a little more like a rare and precious gem) You savor for as long as you can in the moment, but don't indulge too often. And for those unsure about the scars etc. He doesn't even care. In fact, I noticed last time he payed way more attention to the recon breast than my real one. (What does that say?!!) Just wish it wasn't so darned numb. But it is what it is. With summer coming I will most likely not see him as the kids will be off from school and he works from home. And maybe I will eventually get my Shit together with CB. ?
Cooked my little heart out yesterday. Which makes me happy. I like being in the kitchen, chopping, mixing, creating.....
However, I realized I have nothing for me as I made for everyone else. (I did save my son a plate of food)
Dressed up a little yesterday and even my hair was laying right despite the rain. Stopped at my Moms. Sat with her for an hour, ran to the hospital to see my friend and drop off her food. Traffic was hell and what should have taken me 20min, took me an hour to get to her. I was about 15 min late for the lecture, but a few others rolled in behind me. Ran into a Physician I used to work with who is now part of the Womens Midlife Health Center (they sponsored this series of talks). Told her I was contemplating switching over to their practice and she informed me the system is considering cutting them. All of their initial visits are 40min. They do not see the 30 patients a day like a regular OB/Gyne practice so they make no money. However, the focus is so necessary (IMHO). As I was so disappointed in my last Gyne visit and how we are competing with the OB side of the fence in terms of triaging problems etc. Not only that you have to schedule follow up problem visits as they want to make their money that way and not include this in a yearly visit. Insurance woes are hell anymore. Nothing is personalized. As much as the mother ship says we have to be patient focused. As a patient I am feeling less than focused on and paying through the nose.
OK Off the soap box. My gas tank was on empty so I stopped and filled Alby up then forgot I wanted to go see the independent flick. I was half way home before I realized I forgot.
As busy as I was and as much as I accomplished somehow I feel flat about all of it. I missed the part where I should have enjoyed some of it. I just hope I brought enjoyment to my Mom and friend. I felt so rushed. ;( I never overbook. Yesterday was such an oddity. I did run in to a gal from here at BCO who also attended the lecture. To be honest I wasn't impressed with anything the gentleman had to say. But again I was in a strange frame of mind.
Here were my biggest take aways, Slow down and enjoy the food or drink. Real food includes coffee, beer and wine!!!!! and chocolate of a very high cocoa content. The higher the better. But everything has to be in moderation (we already knew that) I believe he spoke about some things I already know and need to be better at incorporating.......clean eating (which I do fairly well) and mindful eating ( I used to be mindful-I need to get back to this)!
There ya go ladies. Why complicate things...
xoxoxo Piper
must nap before my shift tonight.
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Pizza and pasta is definitely not an anti-cancer diet, that's for sure. At one point, I was eating salads all day. But, more recently, I've been binging on the wrong things. What kind of diet is everyone else here on? Do you ever eat bread, pasta, pizza, etc.?
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Life- I have always been oriented towards fruits and vegetables, but know I need to be sure to include my protein. I am mostly a fish and chicken eater, have not eaten red meat in 31 years, etc. I love my dairy, but was eating far too many carbs. Last fall, six months after my treatment completed, my A1C (average of your blood sugar over 6 months) hit the diabetic line. So I gave up all desserts and reduced the carbs. After having a ruptured appendix, bc diagnosis, and then that all within a year, I felt like my health was completely falling apart. So I got SERIOUS about my diet. I immediate cut out the sugars and reduced the carbs. I allow myself pizza on occaison or other carby things like chips, bread, etc. but it is not the norm. I only eat sugar free deserts and that is even rare. I don't miss the sugar, I realize now how bad it was making me feel.
I am mostly eating protein and veggies with a lower carb intake for meals; 45 carbs for each meal, 15 for snacks. My A1C went down to normal in four months with doing that! We will retest it again during my annual physical. I checked my blood sugar for awhile after meals and it was pretty good with the changes made. I still check my fasting glucose at home once a week. All in normal range.
I limited my alcohol intake to 2-3 drinks per week per my MOs. Don't need it for the carbs, sugars or risk that comes to us bc patients. I still need to loose a bunch of weight and working to get more exercise into my day. Being on anastrozole makes loosing weight almost impossible!
BB- I do think Enerva is off to Venezuela. Maybe her trip plans came together very fast and she just had to scoot.
I am sorry those two women disappeared, but glad they are back and now you know why. I have no doubt we may all have that happen here if we continue on this site post treatment. I would like to know "if" it happens to me, there is a community to help me through again. Or that I can be here for the women I have come to know if it happens to any of them. I think some women are shocked when they get it and then shocked again if it comes back. It is the one of the worst peices of new you can get. I pray these women get better.
Piper- I am glad you have been busy and that the widower paid special attention to your breasts. No doubt he was trying to make you feel good about your body and think that is actually one of the nicest and most sensitive things a man could do for a woman. Very touching to read! Even in a mutual understanding, he sounds like a good egg. You keep enjoying your time with him as it works for you.
Our go live moved to on call so no going in tomorrow as planned! Time found and looking forward to spending some time in the gardens!
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I'm hoping our friend Enerva simply became too busy with other things and that she'll be here soon to catch us up to speed on what's been happening. Hoping her family is all right, too.
Thanks, BB and Jazzy, for sharing how you eat. I doubt anyone would consider me "overweight." They might even laugh at the idea that I'm worried about my weight. However, twice in my life, I did experience weight gain - once in high school and then once again in my mid-forties. After the weight gain in my mid-forties, I was DX with BC. So, I think there's a connection.
I know how to eat well, but I slip into old habits. I was eating the right foods - mostly veggies - for at least a year, but in the past month or so, I fell "off the wagon" and started eating fast food because our family was too busy to cook healthy meals. Now my weight is creeping up again.
So, thanks for the encouragement. I'm putting it in writing to hold myself to it: Starting today, it's back to mostly veggies. Cutting out pizza and pasta and candy. (Crying here...
) And getting back into exercising and walking. My goal is to lose 3 - 5 pounds in the next week.Hey, Piper, before you meet up with CB, are you sure this other guy isn't a keeper?
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Life......... MU is just that. I have no intention nor does he of making this anything more. (And I am good with that-even if he does have some attractive qualities)
In any case, He does no want a relationship as his focus is raising his children on his own since his wife passed. He has not wanted to disrupt their lives with another woman and apparently is trying to preserve her memory for as long as he can because they are grade/middle school aged. He knows that many do not agree with his approach and think he should move on....but he has a different mindset for the moment and if it changes I am sure I will not be around and what we have would not translate very well after all of this time.
Does that make any sense? Besides.......I truly do not see him on a regular basis. As weird as it sounds it really can be 6 mos before I may even hear from him again or in this case he text-ed me within a week but then dropped off again.
I do have a very strange and unconventional existence.
Since I have gained weight, my recon breast is bigger and honestly makes me feel very self conscious. It is hard to hide in certain clothes or find the right bra. I am sure it isn't as noticeable as I may think, but there are several types of tops I cannot wear because it can look very obvious even with a good padded support bra.
Oh Enerva. If you are lurking...sending you a big old hug.
I am excited the sun is out in full force. Headed out for a walk. I usually do a minimum of 3 miles. sometimes 4 or 5 if I have the time and energy. I have gotten out of this habit for too long now and my walks have been very random when I used to commit to 4-5 days a week. So I am going to try ..starting to day to get back into my routine. I need to cut out my love of red wine too. For a while and will be eating mostly a plant based diet.
I really need to try and get back where I was because my body is screaming at me!!!!!
And I could use the mental boost of losing some weight and the chemical boost exercise gives me.
going to visit a friend and her kids later too. Haven't seen her forever, because she and her hubby were having major issues (so I steered clear)
He left (finally) and I can go relax with her and the kids.
Hope evryone is enjoying the day
Many big hugs to my favorite ladies!!
Piper
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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Hi ladies- after having a slower day at home yesterday, I got myself out and about this morning for some good things to help my mind, body and spirit. I was in a weird mood yesterday after a not so great week with my client site and it just put me in a not good place emotionally. So I spent some time at home working on the house and garden and feel better today.
That being said, I set an intention to get up this morning and hit the 8:15 yoga class, then go to the farmers market, and then the health food store. Self care morning getting my body stretching and loading up on good healthy food. Got lots of greens including two kinds of kale (love kale!), spinach, radishs, onions and fresh goat cheese! All kind of other good foods at the health food store. I am going to do more healthy eating this week and get back to moving my body more again (off week with exercise).
Lets keep sharing the good things we are doing to take care of ourselves here on this link. Are you game?
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Great minds Jazzy!!
I was wondering if everyone would be interested in sharing whatever it is that is working for healthier choices, recipes and motivating each other.
Glad you had a slow weekend to regroup and tune back into yourself J. I know the go live has been tough as well as the client site as a whole.
Big hugs...off to bed soon (hopefully)
Had a nice afternoon with my friend and her kiddos. Of course we walked down by the creek which is overflowing and were all a muddy mess.
My friend also got a young cat and found out she was preggos. I am not an animal person at all and here I may take one of the kittens.
Hmmmmmm
Someone talk me out of this!!!!
Nightie night ladies
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Piper- you and I can get it started and maybe others will join in.
I love that you may take a kitten. It will be good for you and the kitten too! I am not going to talk to you out of it (unless you already have too many animals?) And I am glad you had a good afternoon with your friend too!
Made a delicious pork roast with roasted potatoes for dinner today. Enough left over for at least 3 more meals. Roasted potatoes will also be good in the am with eggs on top. Something I love to make called "bowl of pappas" here in NM. Usually includes some sort of potato/hash brown, eggs, cheese, some type of green or red chili. You have to just be mindful not to put too many potatoes in there so as to not overdo on the carbs. Next dish I plan to make is called baked eggs with cremed kale.
Wishing everyone a good week. Memorial Day weekend on the horizon and want to here some of the ideas of what you will do next weekend (even if it's self care!)
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hi ladies hope you are all doing fine its victoria day holiday today yesterday it was a big sale in premium outlet mall it was huge line at coach .micheal kors and kate spade as they were giving free purse i hope i will find very 2nd person wid these purse.
Enjoy nice weather ladies
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Milkyway- whoot whoot! Big sale on designer stuff! Happy Victoria Day a day late!
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bosum blues i was thinking the same way while cleaning my closet i find out last two yrs i was on treatment surgery.chemo .recon some tops are new because i was in the comfortable clothes.
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Hi Ladies. I've been MIA... but I am here. Hopefully tomorrow my soon-to-be ex and I are signing papers. And he'll move out on Thursday. Can't believe this has taken 10 months. Hopefully, I will begin the healing process.
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