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Single life after a mastectomy

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  • sandpiper1
    sandpiper1 Member Posts: 508
    edited June 2014

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    KUDOS BB!!!!!

     I am so very excited for you. One step at a time and remember the feeling you had today when the mailman looked your way........

    How awesome!!!!!

  • jazzygirl
    jazzygirl Member Posts: 11,974
    edited April 2014

    Piper- I know exactly what you mean when you say we want that awesome feeling we once knew when we were with someone we really liked/loved. I had that happen the summer before I was diagnosed in 2012, came across a LinkedIn profile of an old love from my graduate school days. Paul and I met my first semester and it got pretty hot and heavy, but was also complicated. I was still coming off a serious relationship when I met him, and he was coming through his second divorce. We were young and were off and on for 3 years, but it just never worked for anything greater. There were times I thought Paul was it, but in the end, I finished school and took a job back east. I happen to run into him a few weeks before I was leaving and we had one last night of fun and went our separate ways. I heard later from mutual school friends he was married and had some children. Timing is everything.

    We had some nice conversation when we connected and he mentioned he was going to be in town a month later for a wedding, but would not be able to get together when he was here. He asked me if I ever came to TX, he would like to see me. A month after that, I was diagnosed and also had some other major health issues come up and it all just evaporated. I did tell him I would be out of touch for awhile to take care of some health issues, and it sort of fizzled. I was in TX last week but did not get in touch with him. We do keep in touch on Linked In.

    One thing about Paul is that he really got me, in ways some of the men I have dated in the past never did. Maybe a good reminder to be open to men like him.

    Spring is here and I will be out and about more now. Maybe love will come my way too!

  • Enerva
    Enerva Member Posts: 2,985
    edited April 2014

    Hi ladies, just finished my course today, now have to study for the exam at the end of the month. I am glad you are positive about finding love. I am not so sure i want to anymore. I am so stress and worry about my sister, my country even though i am a citizen here i feel great sadness for Venezuela. The reason you heard nothing is due to not allowing it to be in the media. its terrible. I was contacted by my ex again this week and the fact is i cant see him again even though i wish i could. I have not self e, i also feel so broken and not strong, also got a cold by Wed night and what scared me is that it got quite serious in only hours, i ended up getting antibiotics, got a fiber over night.  

    Anyway enough of my venting i ll try to walk tmw.Just to get some fresh air.

    have a great weekend 

  • grayeyes
    grayeyes Member Posts: 533
    edited April 2014

    So, we're all doing the same thing:  We look back on our past and wonder, "What if..."

    I've often wondered:  "What might've happened if...?"  Especially with regard to the men I dated and met when I was young.

    But, then I remind myself that every time I was convinced I met my soulmate, I was SO wrong.  I probably would've been wrong those other times, too.

    Maybe the problem is that women and men think differently.  While we women talk about meeting that special someone who will be a devoted partner through thick and thin, (most) men really are not interested in having a "soulmate" or in being one, either. 

    Gottabefree - Welcome!  :-)

    Enerva - I hope your sister continues to do well with her treatments.  I'm glad to hear your family is still safe.  What's happening there has been worrisome.

  • jazzygirl
    jazzygirl Member Posts: 11,974
    edited April 2014

    Good morning- what men are looking for seems to change with time, as many like to play the field when they are young, then find a family to have children with. Then as they get older and find themselves single again, they seem to want all sorts of different things. I remain open, but also listen to where a person has been, and to know what I am signing up for. A nice male friend is what seems best to me right now.

    I have definitely done a lot of "what ifs" since I went through treatment with all aspects of my life. Looking back at my life, what worked out, what didn't, perhaps why. How I contribute to the things that have been problems for me. Knowing the situations I had no control over, but did the best I could in those unexpected times. I think this is another part of the journey, to re-evaluate your life after going through all this. I want to be happier, healthier, and less filled with "what ifs" as I go forward.

    Enerva- good to hear from you and keeping you, your sis and the country of Venezuela in my prayers.

  • Enerva
    Enerva Member Posts: 2,985
    edited April 2014

    Ladies here is something that i enjoy so much and use to do all the time. Today i decide to go and rollerblade by a special place i used to walk my dogs around the lake. I was a little afraid since i didn't know if i would fall but i was very good at it before chemo so i had to try. It went great off course now i have pain in my entire body but wile i was out there i felt so free and i had my ipod full blast so i just blocked the world i kept remembering  my babies, (dogs). but i didnt cry i was just enjoying the ride here are the pictures, it was so good weather finally good for just a sweater and yoga pants lol

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  • jazzygirl
    jazzygirl Member Posts: 11,974
    edited April 2014

    Enerva- you go girl! I used to rollerblade a lot in the 1990's. So fun. I am glad you enjoyed yourself and think it may have set you free. Smile

  • grayeyes
    grayeyes Member Posts: 533
    edited April 2014

    BB & Jazzy - There are people in loving, committed marriages/relationships who stay together for life.  Call me cynical, but I think they're the exception to the rule.  I should mention that I have no sisters and no truly close female friends.  So, I'm basing my impressions on what men (my brother, male friends, etc.) have told me openly and honestly through the years.  Maybe I just know the wrong men.  ;-)  I have hope for all of you, though, in meeting men who will love and support you, even in the darkest of times.  (I myself am throwing in the towel - lol.)

    Enerva - Yesterday was beautiful here, too.  Today is another warm day.  I hope everyone is enjoying this spring weather!

  • Enerva
    Enerva Member Posts: 2,985
    edited April 2014

    Actually only sore in our leg lol so its all good I am glad cuz i love the blades lol


  • juneping
    juneping Member Posts: 634
    edited April 2014

    I like the fact that I sweat after exercising. That's very relaxing to me after I got into the routine. And I actually felt my skin is better lately after exercising for a little over a month. 

  • bdavis
    bdavis Member Posts: 3,192
    edited April 2014

    Just popping in to say "hey."   Still on a roller coaster with the soon-to-be ex. We had an agreement, but my lawyer didn't like one of the numbers, so when I told him, he exploded. I can't stand the explosions, and hope that this can be sorted out quickly and soon. The drama is driving me nuts.

  • grayeyes
    grayeyes Member Posts: 533
    edited April 2014

    Bdavis - Is he still living in the house?  I hope your situation is resolved soon. 

    My soon-to-be-ex and I are headed into another meeting again soon.  I'm hoping that we finally will reach the end of this whole matter.

  • bdavis
    bdavis Member Posts: 3,192
    edited April 2014

    Yup. Still living here. Tonight he is not here, and I am so much more relaxed. I can't stand the silent treatment when he is pouting.

  • Enerva
    Enerva Member Posts: 2,985
    edited April 2014

    Morning, happy Easter!! i have something to share, so yesterday i reactivated my FB account to reach out to any Bike rider i know so they know i am selling my bike. wile i was on FB this guy i met more than 2 years ago started a instant chat. i told him i was ok and that i was meaning to contact him regarding my Bike bla bla we chatted for a bit and he asked me for my # to msg me direct, then i got him on whatsapp. I met this guy at an Anniversary party for my motorcycle instructor who was celebrating 25 years marriage. Who are now divorce lol Anyway i went to that party alone since my ex was not in the mood to come to the city to go and i just wanted to meet all the bikers who were in my class. Now this man is very young say maybe 5 year less than me  and we had a conversation at that party and i remember laughing and enjoying his personality, well yesterday in the evening he msg me to ask me what were my plans for today? i still didnt think of anything wrong with the? and i said if the weather was good i may go tollerblade by the lake. Well he auto invited himself and he said he will meet me to rollerblade lol  Now what the hell lol I think this could be a date? ha ha ha its just funny. I made it clear to him yesterday i am single and loving my life the way it is, he does not know i had bc. So now that i will meet him i feel weird cuz i was not expecting to meet him. I also remember this guy was heating on me at that party and i remember telling him he was to young for me lol and that i had a boyfriend lol so yesterday as soon as he knew i am now single its like he has a shoot? lol its just funny all happen so fast and now i am meeting him to rollerblade. I will let you all know how it turns out I am nervous , specially cuz i know i need to tell him about bc at some point. Hope i dont scare him off. Or maybe i will never tell him and just see what happens. If i dont i know i will feel guilty. as if i am not honest. Ohhh i wish i had said i had plans and that way i did not have to face him lol  

  • sandpiper1
    sandpiper1 Member Posts: 508
    edited June 2014

    Throw caution to the wind E.........enjoy the moment........

    worrying about a conversation that may or may not need to happen is too far off the radar at this time.

    I always dated younger......5 years is not robbing the cradle silly.

    We need younger so THEY can keep up with us ....

    Have fun! You deserve it!!!

  • bdavis
    bdavis Member Posts: 3,192
    edited April 2014

    I am hopeful to sign an agreement (not divorce) within the month. Then the husband will move out. Divorce will come later... but when it does, all assets will have already been divided.

  • Enerva
    Enerva Member Posts: 2,985
    edited April 2014

    Ha ha ha well no is not for me lol

    i had a great time but i made it clear i am not interested i found out he is 25 ha ha ha I had an issue with my ex cuz he was 2 years younger than me and today almost chock when this kid kept on commenting on my hair and little things then i asked him " how old  are you? 25 ha ha ha i did my best not to laugh lol Anyway at least it was nice to know i still have something that attracts men lol or should i say kids lol took some beautiful pictures here is one. :) no more dates for me i feel i am old now i felt weird thought the walk lol 

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  • jazzygirl
    jazzygirl Member Posts: 11,974
    edited April 2014

    Enerva- I am proud of your girlfriend! Good to get out and talk to people and see where they are at so you can see if it fits with where you are at. Piper is right, younger is better too. I always seem to attract the 70 year olds (I am 54) but occasionally get a younger man interested. If they are mature enough, why not? Just getting out to spend time with the opposite sex is a great step for any of us. I am proud of you and even though he seems to0 young, it made you feel good, attractive, etc. So enjoy that.

  • Enerva
    Enerva Member Posts: 2,985
    edited April 2014

    Ha ha ha yes it actually made me feel good even though i thought the police could chase me ha ha ha it was fun and at least he is my new man friend so is all good ;) 

  • juneping
    juneping Member Posts: 634
    edited April 2014

    enerva - I am happy for you. It's good to have a man friend. He's actually very sweet. 

  • juneping
    juneping Member Posts: 634
    edited April 2014

    BB - sorry missed your post.

    exercising makes the blood circulate in our body, and we also sweat which push the dirt out (i think). below is the link i use daily. she has warm up and cool down. most of the aerobic dance i couldn't follow, they went from doing nothing to jumping nonstop for 30 min. and this one is easy to follow and quite fun as well. not sure what language though...probably german.

    i highly recommend doing exercise daily. i just think our body needs a little bit everyday. you don't have to go crazy but sweat a little bit and let your heart race a little bit daily is important.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UzwITYlR6QI

  • grayeyes
    grayeyes Member Posts: 533
    edited April 2014

    Enerva - Thanks for telling us about your date.  Stop thinking of yourself as "old."  You're still young!  :-)

    BB - It feels great to be noticed.  Not that I personally would know the feeling...  lol.   :-(  OK, there was one friend after the separation who gave me many compliments, and I just felt great hearing them.  We need to hear those things, especially after what we've each been through.

    Enjoy your weekend, all.

  • jazzygirl
    jazzygirl Member Posts: 11,974
    edited April 2014

    Hi single ladies- I hope everyone is doing okay this weekend and has something nice planned for today.

    Been catching up on things at home, in the gardens, and watching some movies this weekend. Went to the theater friday to see Gravity on the big screen, and watched Nebraska last night on DVD. Today I am meeting friends for a relaxing Easter brunch at one of the nearby resorts.

    I try to get some exercise every day of some sort. Doing a lot of physical activity right now with the yard and gardens and really feel it end of the day. BB is right, some days everything hurts, but I keep moving. This morning I am going to do some yoga on my patio and then try out my newly tuned up bike later today, after I get home from my outing. I have not been on my bike in 2 years since many health things hit me. Big step to return to another thing I love to do, but did not feel ready to resume until now.

    Oh and when I was in TX a few weekends ago, I met a Dallas Cowboys hall of famer one night when we were out at a jazz club. Super nice guy and he was clearly interested in me. I will tell you, it felt good to have someone be attracted to me (famous or not!)

  • Enerva
    Enerva Member Posts: 2,985
    edited April 2014

    Good morning ladies, hope you had a great Easter .I have to dmit that yesterday i went and got an ultrasound for my knee since its been a bit painful and right after i left the clinic i went for my poles walk lol i am hurting  all over the place but the knee bother me most. Not sure what to think of it. I just dont like it cuz it my right knee lol I also got the cords under my right arm and wonder if any of you got that? Anyway i am feeling ok I just want to do my exam on Saturday and then i want to go see my sister be with her for her surgery. I got an offer for the Bike but too low. So i am waiting to see if i get any more ;(( I really need the $ in order to go home . I am just not wiling to lose too much on that sell. 

    Take care

  • budrfligal13
    budrfligal13 Member Posts: 105
    edited April 2014

    Hi ladies.  This message is of a bit more personal nature and perhaps I'm not even in the appropriate board, but I've been intensely curious about this.  I had a bilateral MX with TE's.  I'm almost filled and hoping the exchange is in July.  I assume the nipple recon will follow a few months after.  Obviously I can't wait to go to the next step and I'm hopeful that the implants will not look or feel too unnatural.  I can't help but wonder about what that moment will by like the first time, romantically speaking.  I wonder if sex will be "shirt on" here on in, if at all!  Now don't get me wrong.  I would never even date a shallow man.   However,  I cannot deny that sexuality isn't becoming more of a worry for me.  I wonder if my foobs will not be worth "tending to" because they aren't real, have no feeling, and why bother!  Am I becoming more worrisome because the exchange is around the corner?  It's just one of those days for me....ya know?

  • grayeyes
    grayeyes Member Posts: 533
    edited April 2014

    Enerva - I had cording under my left arm (on the side with cancer) after my first MX.  My oncologist recommended physical therapy, but during that first year, I couldn't afford it.  After the second MX, I started going to a physical therapist to soften up the irradiated side.  While there, he worked on the cording.  He showed me what to do:  Basically, all you do is massage it and work on pushing the cording back in.  I have no cording right now - maybe because without even thinking about it, I massage under that arm every day.  Hope this information helps you.

    Bud - Welcome.  I don't know what to tell you about this issue, though.  My husband cheated on me while I was fighting cancer, and now he's with another woman.  I read recently about Lillie Shockney - she's a two-time BC survivor and a nurse-navigator for breast cancer patients at Johns Hopkins.  She has discussed the issue of intimacy openly and honestly - but she's a married woman - married to a man who loves her no matter what happens.  So, it's not really advice for single/divorced women.

  • Enerva
    Enerva Member Posts: 2,985
    edited April 2014

    Life thanks i will look into the massages for the cord i only got it now after the exchange surgery i never had it before :( i will check and start massaging to see if it helps all my rad side is very stiff and way harder than my right breast gdi it never ends. 

    Bud, i have to tell you i know that my ex could accept my body the way it is now but i myself could not let him or any man see me nude i feel very conscious of how it looks and feels and i hate it. Its sad that i am not letting it go but i am been honest i can not picture me been seen or touch untill i get fix. Maybe is just mentaly i need to accept my new body but i am not there yet. You are in the right place we here discus all kind of topic lol 

    so welcome ;))  

  • Enerva
    Enerva Member Posts: 2,985
    edited April 2014

    You are right!!! I wont give up ;) i must get my hot me back lol 

    Anyway my P came and i have never been so happy, i missed it last month so i thought " O dear i am menopausal all over again " but i guess its just not regular ;) hoping for my body to keep fighting to be normal ;))) 

      

  • juneping
    juneping Member Posts: 634
    edited April 2014

    oh E, that's good news that you got your P. that means you're pretty healthy to begin with.

  • Enerva
    Enerva Member Posts: 2,985
    edited April 2014

    lol i got it back in November and it was good on time every month so i was very happy then last month in March it never came so got  all sad thinking it was gone for ever ha ha ha and now voila is back ;) i am happy again, i never though i see a day when my period could make me happy lol last November it came right at 12 months off been gone due to chemo. I almost by myself a cake to celebrate it was back lol Maybe tmw i ll stop at the bakery and have a slice of chocolate cake lol i know i know i am not supposed to eat sugar :( i havent had sugar in so long ,its depressing lol

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