Single life after a mastectomy
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So... I just subscribed to Match.com... After a couple of weeks of meetups, a couple of dinner invitations and another guy who has sort of pursued me, I am brave enough to get out there. I emailed three guys tonight. Hope I don't get shot down.
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BB - Something similar happened to me: My PS kept saying I didn't have enough meat on my bones for him to use. I tried gaining some weight before the fat grafting, but I could gain only a few pounds. But, now - after the fat grafting and all the surgeries have been completed - I have weight he could use, and I can't seem to lose it. Indeed, why do things happen this way?
Bdavis - I love how you're not wasting any time. :-) I don't blame you. If we've learned anything from this BC experience, I'd say we all learned that life is short. Good luck with the dating scene. :-)
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Ok here I am, donde with second attempt lol I have to say I feel the same way I finished again early little under 2 hours but that does not give me hope cuz last time I was sure I got it and I fail
so I will justvtake a hot shower now take a sleeping pill and strait to bed tmw I will start a crochet hat I promise a bc sister and that is my plan till I heard if I pass which should be by next Wed or Thrusday lolBB Sorry to heard about the Ps. But maybe an implant could be less painful that surgery you like sound very invasive. I need to read more about it
LIFE, have a great weekend.
Milky hope you feel better soon,
Thanks for the picture that is so true it's not easy to let go of things we can't change.
we must keep trying Will report back when I get up from bed..... Mostly to post on the insomnia tread cu u will all be sleeping lol
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have a nice week end my friends enjoy nice weather.grab a coffee n enjoy my daughter bought me movies on her itune card
Labor day
Message in bottle
Endless love
Romance is missing in my life so i really like to watch romantic movies these days.it helps to fanticies feeling of love at 40s .i have 2 exams it was hard to concentrate on studies bcoz everything is going wrong relationship and health but this is the only way to make me feel good i have learned a lesson time will pass no matter how we feel how much broken we are best thing about time is time never stops .
Good night ladies
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Hi ladies- popping in here again to check on everybody and see how folks are doing. My June has been busier than expected with finishing a contract in a couple weeks, a proposal that came up for some new work I am excited about (we will hear in early July if we get the work), home repair and improvement activities, and now leaving in a few days on the first of my summer vacations.
Enerva- it sounds like you are studying for another test and also keeping an eye on your sister through her treatment. I pray she continues to be able to get through all she has to do, and hope you are taking good care of yourself.
Milkway- I hope you are continuing to recover from all you have been through.
BB- you are a strong person to give up both smoking and drinking cold turkey! I don't drink much anymore due to the BC and also blood sugar issues, and find it sometimes awkward in social settings as where I live,, drinking is a big thing. And folks know I used to party more, but now I just enjoy a few cocktails and then go. The same people don't know my whole medical odyssey the past few years, and I don't feel the need to explain myself either. Not about them anyways.
I am glad you met someone who might like to do concerts with you! I love lots of old bands and would go with you if we lived closer. I am going to see Jeff Beck this summer, do you remember him?
Bdavis- congrats on putting yourself out there and meeting new people! I wish you luck and hope you meet someone really wonderful!
Life- I hope you are doing well and after reading your posts, I feel you are a big encouragement to others.
Anyone seen Piper here lately?
I will pop in again after I am back from my time in Colorado. I plan to go check out one of the new legal pot stores just out of curiosity (although the friend I am going with is definately going to partake.....)
Blessings to you all.
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Goodnight, Milkyway, and thanks for posting the uplifting messages for us all. (I admit that I enjoy romantic movies, too.)
Enerva - I hope you have a nice, restful sleep after all of that testing.
Goodnight to all, and enjoy your weekends.
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Jazzy - You and I must've been posting at the same time. I just saw your post now. I like how we all encourage each other here, and I appreciate your posts, too. I've been wondering where Piper is, too. Knowing Piper, I guess she's probably either resting after working many hours, or she's out enjoying life.
I do have sad news: Earlier today we went to a funeral for a teenage boy. He'd been very ill for quite some time, and there was no cure. I'm not sure if I should've shared that information here because it is sad that this happened to someone so young, but he touched many lives in the short time he had.
Goodnight again to all.
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good night
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BB... I am completely open about the BC, and the BMX. My feeling is the right guy won't go running for the hills. And I know that I look great, better than before surgery. (hope that doesn't sound conceited). Having had the DIEP and GAP flaps, there are no love handles, no saggy anything. And my scars have healed well.
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Life- I am so sorry about the young teenage man who lost his life. How very sad. I am glad you were able to go and spend time with the family yesterday. And I think it is fine to share this news here, it is something that is going on with you and your life. I hope everyone can find peace with time.
Bdavis- it is good to feel good about yourself after all you have gone through. It sounds like you have healed well. Go forth and be happy.
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bdavis you go girl!!! I am also waiting to get my revised surgery and hopping I will get decent results so I can go and start living again. I mean the love life I once had lol I am very happy you are strong now and u are sharing with us your experiences with dating after bc.
life thanks for sharing any news even if items a sad one. I hope that family heal soon, only time helps withvthe lost of love one.
Bb. I made a nice white hat for a bc sister, did it last night will I watch the game and it.made.me feel really good. I am not impressed with England losing to Italy but it was a great game. I can't wait to see Brazil s game.
Have a great Sunday
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BB- how nice you met someone so positive and spiritual at your pool. A nice friend to have and it sounds like some great things you can share and/or share together. Your plans to spend time in the city doing fun things sounds really great!
Having always been single, I learned long ago the women friends will show up for you in the ways others don't (including the men, family, etc.) It was my friends that got me through my medical crises with getting me to surgeries, follow ups, taking me out for errands when I could not drive, taking care of my house when I was in the hospital or in AZ getting my rads treatment. I thank God for all they did for me to get me through the worst of it!
My friends are also the ones who have worked to get me out through time when I did not feel like it. I was pretty non-social for awhile, trying to compe with all the changes, with working, etc. They would invite me to things and sometimes I would go, and other times decline if I was not up for it.
I think true women friends accept each other on all levels, including around our breast cancer process. You can always date when you are ready. But perhaps now is the time to get out and meet new people and make some new friends in your life. You go girl!
I had someone at work ask me the other day "do you date?" I said "yes, why?" She did not say, made me wonder if she wants to fix me up with someone. I told her the past few years have been pretty consuming (she does not know about the BC, but did know about my ruptured appendix, mother dying, etc.) I told her the last time I dated was in 2010 and that I might think about it in the future. I heard myself being open to dating in that conversation with her....
Wishing everyone a good day today!
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BB- I think your move is forward for sure, part of your new normal. You will meet a more diverse and healthier crowd of folks in settings outside of bars. Trust me, I did the bar scene too once, and the biggest common denominator in the bar scene is the drinking. Now, I rarely can be scene in a bar, I really don't enjoy it anymore (especially since my drinking is a couple a week per my MO). I would much rather meet people through music, yoga, travel, and other things I enjoy. This is your time to figure out what you like and find those like minded folks to hang with!
I went to a happy hour a few weeks ago with some folks on my project team, which was okay, but found very quickly that I was ready to go after my two drinks that night. I stayed a few hours, sipped my vodka and tonics and then left when the shots started. The hard core drinkers (including my client) stayed on to continue with the evening, but I felt it was time to go and did. I find it too hard to hang around and be pressured to drink more when I cannot and will not. They don't know about my BC (and never will) and associated drink limitations, and rather than have to explain why I don't drink more these days, I just go when the time is right. Thanks for the fun night, see you at work tomorrow/next week, whatever!
I hope the pool is fun today!
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i am off heading to the lake for a walk with poles lol or pole walk I guess it's so beautiful out and I slept a lot, and I don't have to read my book I feel so free lol
Will posted picture from the lake
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Enerva- lake is beautiful! Enjoy your time there!
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enjoy nice weather Enerva
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BB- so many things in life can make us feel lonely and separate from others. Breast cancer is one of those things. There were times even with folks around to help me, when I felt like no one in the world could understand everything I was going through. They were great at getting me through the practical stuff. But none of them had had breast cancer. My sister had BC and the same time, but we tend to deal with things differently so she was not a resource to talk about the emotional part. That is why I found this site and all the wonderful friends.
So I really do get it. There are plenty of lonely days around this stuff. I have them too even though I may not always talk about them here. I just try to move through those days. Today is one of those days that also feels a bit off (perhaps too because of fathers day.....)
I think there are signs all around us all the time saying "look here, choose this instead". God at work, divine intervention, opportunities that present themselves, however you see it. The fact you are always open and looking for something is better is a good thing. I think you are paying attention to those things that show up and asking the right questions. Why not try out the church support group and see if it helps? You seem to feel a connection to this woman, go see what it is about and perhaps it will lead you to more good people? If it does not fit for you, you can just not go again and try something else?
I also totally get the feeling of waiting for the next shoe to drop. I had so many bad things happen in 2012 ending with the BC diagnosis. I had to get further away from it to feel like things were stabilizing. I felt like I was in limbo for awhile after the treatment was done, just processing all that happened. Like you I was wanting and needing for some feeling of normalcy. I sort of just kept going to work and doing my job and hoped things would feel better with time. And they did, and still do. Not that there have not been problems since, but nothing compared to that year. It all sort of started ramping up in the summer of 2011 and now sort of feels like the cycle is completing itself some 3 years later. I do still find myself second guessing everything when things actually go well! I think it is just a very nature thing after all we go through (and many hear have gone through BC and more....)
I will share a little something with you from a winter solstice yoga event I did last December. One of my yoga teachers does this ritual around the winter and summer solstices and the winter one is about letting go at the end of the year of all we are ready to be done with. Disease, bad relationships, problems, you name it. Then we ask to manifest what we want in the coming year. While I was doing that meditation, I heard the still clear voice (my higher self) say "everything in your life will get better next year." And in reality, it is slowly getting better, one day, week and month at a time. I am moving towards better people, work experiences, health, etc. When things start feeling icky, I remember that evening and just try to trust things will be okay. And if something happens, I pray I will have the fortitude to get through whatever it is. My roller coaster ride was three years, your has been five. All I can say is that distance does help, but feeling hopeful is what we all yearn for again. At least I do.
Hugs to you BB and hoping your feelings of loneliness pass with time.
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BB, Here I just did a few more exercises in front of my TV, waiting for the game to start, France won today and I am happy for my French friends. Yes the lake here in Ontario is beautiful, I love to walk with the poles lol bb see this video.
Nordic Pole Walking ADVANCED Technique! LESSON 2 …: http://youtu.be/_x1jrboF3pc
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i hope you are able to see the video, it's the walk I am doing now and I love it. It's very hard, it looks easy but it sure hurt my entire body lol
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jazzgirl that post was so great!!! very uplifting!
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Ladies...Trying to catch up. many lovely words and expressions of thought and feeling throughout the posts I have read.
E......YOU will conquer!
BB. I luv luv luv , you have found a kindred soul. I am a woman of few friends, but solid relationships. Enjoy and I am so warmed by your enthusiasm and awareness.
Jazzy ty for many of your wise words and sharing.
Welcome Melp.
Hugs dearest Life!.
Good for you BD.
...I know I have been MIA. My work schedule changed to nights and I did travel to Ohio. I have several peeps I know in the good old land of OH, however, as you know, I traveled to see CB. Yep, our plans solidified at long last. I did not get nervous until 10 min before arriving to his house.
Funny story, I put the wrong house number in my GPS.....I pulled in the driveway...saw a man sitting in the garage (having a beer) and thought this is grand.....my kind of relaxed welcome....guy comes toward my car...and I realize I am in the wrong drive. Thinking I belonged next door, I say the name of CB and the guy is perplexed. I look the house number up again and realize I belong wayyy down further on this street. The guy says I was waiting on my GF and I love he did not think me strange or intrusive. Gotta luv Ohio peeps!
Having known CB since College, I have to say, a few initial jitters and time sometimes has a way of slipping away. Not totally, but within reason. Make sense? We went to dinner...and really ladies....I knew what would most likely follow...
(after all.....he was a first in so many ways) Besides that...............we are adults.....now at least.....funny to think I have known him since I was 18 or 19yo.
Do not know where this will go.....but as my BFF said "your numbers did not go up!" HA HA HA
I left CGs and traveled north to my BFFs. She lives less than an hour away. She ended up calling off from work and we spent a glorious afternoon, evening and morning together. It really is the bomb to have that time with someone who completely understands you.
And...besides BB, with that uncanny knack of reading peeeps....she gets me the most. I have known her as long as CG.
Beautiful weather too!
On the professional side. I return to work and many parents of my sweet babies are so very happy to see a regular nurse.
the work.... I felt a profound trust from the parents...... which is so rewarding in and of itself.
Ladies...I issue many war hugs and thoughts
always and talk soon.Piper
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Wow, piper is back, it's so nice to hear about your trip.
Have a great week, I am just eating my nails waiting to hear from home, sis surgery should be this wed, or Thrus
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BB, I am trying my best to stay positive and I have no idea how but I feel all will get better, today I feel pain even to sit on the toilet ha ha ha and I think in my head, " can walking do this? Holly crap am I that out of shape? lol well it turn out walking with those poles make muscles workout that I never do cuz of not walking with the correct posture. It may sound ridiculous but I do feel the work the next day every Tim Ed. I do it. Here is what I did. I found a lady who was selling her old poles and she only took $10 for them. So I now walk alone lol I can't afford to pay the group of that nordic walk but I can do it all on my own and free. Lol 😁
I used to lift weigh when o was 20 and I haven't felt some of those muscles till now. I also think its the chemo, maybe I am just hurting still from the chemo? But this walking exercise is defenetly what I need for now. I wish you live close to me
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Piper - Welcome back, and glad you were able to meet with CB. :-)
BB - I used to believe everything was a coincidence. Then, 3-4 years ago, I started believing in signs myself. Whatever we each believe - whether in fate or God or karma or the natural order of the universe - I've come to believe that people are put in our path to help us sometimes, and sometimes we're put in a place to help others. So, I hope this new friendship works out for you. I tried a church support group myself soon after I discovered husband's infidelities, but I wasn't on the same page with the other women there. Recently I joined a different church support group. The best thing about these groups is that they're open to everyone, including those of us who are financially broke. ;-)
Enerva - Hoping your sister's surgery goes well this week. So glad she's finally having surgery.
Jazzy, Milky, Bdavis, everyone - hugs to all!
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Still trying to catch up with this thread. Sending luv to all.
BB, I wish I could understand more of what is going on with your Healthcare situation. I cannot. I can barely understand my insurance these days. Ditto with your 6 year battle with your EX. I am sorry these things are continually stressing you. Sending big warm hugs.......
E baby.....how goes it.
I know Jazzy is enjoying her Jazz fest/trip!!
Life what the hay is new these days?
Milky......hope you are feeling well,
How aboutt some of the newer ladies...Melp? and I cannot remember who else without losing my typing to scroll back through the thread. Darn it.
Had my yearly with my Surgeon. He is such a funny guy. I am almost always walking around the little exam room or standing near the window when he walks in. Guess he has gotten used to it as he greeted me and promptly sat in my spot on the exam bed. LOL! He had his Nurse coordinator and a med student with him. I stood and answered questions then we finally switched places. The student was really checking out my recon....so I invited her to go ahead and examine both sides so she could get a feel for the difference. I could see the excitement for getting to see and FEEL a recon vs a natural side on the same person. HAHAHA Whatever I can do to help the cause. This team accepts my general quirkiness and openness, which I love about them. Besides him being a really good surgeon.
Anywho...I was stressing as work had messed up my schedule and had me on nights for Thurs. I had the appt Fri morning and a wedding last evening. I was nervous about how to get sleep and be awake enough to drive let alone enjoy the wedding. How about work phones Wed afternoon to ask if I would switch to daylight. YIPPIE. Even though I worked the night before....I was too happy to do it.
The wedding was a former coworker of mine (was really nice of her to invite me). I found a little black dress and gold-ish shoes to go with. Did a little mock updo...which in the end was an Up-gone-down. But still not bad as I slid a goldish hued headband in my hair for a little added glitz. It was nice to spend time outside of work with some of my former floor staff and their hubbys. With the exception of one gal, I liked all of the spouses. The lone one I didn't like, I am not sure anyone really does....he is really rather weird. You know when you go to many weddings there is always such a mixture of ages, types, modes of dress. This wedding was a mix of all.....Believe it or not, in SWPA we have a lot of people in the country mode. Needless to say there were the usual middle aged women trying to look and act younger, The younger with their skimmpy dresses and quite a few who wore their cowboy boots. LOL! Lot's of 80s and country music. Line dances galore and the famous regional fav-THE COOKIE TABLE. I should have taken a picture, because this was more like a cookie buffet. ALL home made yumminess. I did leave around 1030pm. But nice to get out .......nice that someone even invites me to a wedding anymore.
I have no plans for today and have yet to get out of my jammies.
As far as CB....I'll let you ladies know.....I have no expectations as his daughter is his priority which is going to make time together rather difficult. I guess the one night we had will have to last for a while. Although, I do not think this was a one time thing for him.......the distance thing has it's advantages and disadvantages for sure. Just kind of guessing I will be committed to being single for some time to come.
Hope everyone enjoys their weekend........
xoxoxoxoxoox
Piper
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HI, I fail the exam
I have been so depressed over it. I do think my brain is just not able to focus I won't give up. I will rewrite it but I will do so in August I am now going back to the beginning of the books to review all forms and clauses I made silly mistakes on the legal clauses . I also got a msg from Tessa, she said she is well but that she is very busy. Said she will come back here once she gets a chance.
I am now watching the soccer game and will continue to read my books even though my spirit is down. I feel like giving up but I know I must keep pushing. Also I am not sure if the antidepressant are affecting my brain in a good way. I think it's the appointment with the Ps on July 02😭it's giving me so much anxiety . Hope you all have a great weekend. Sister surgery is on June 25 .apparently blood pressure is under Control but there is not chance before then. Clinic is full .
Have a great weekend every body.
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Oh I do BB...very much admire his commitment to his daughter.......(I guess I feel like his ex may take advantage of that-but not my axe to grind and I know he has the single most important priority in perspective).
E..You have much on your mind and on your plate. Is there a place, group or person who assists with the taking of this particular exam. You were able to pass the first series of exams. I know you can do this one. Take your time. I have every confidence you can and will do this.
I wish I could motivate myself today. Still in PJS and sitting here playing on my laptop.
Although....I had a nice phone call this morning. I very very very rarely keep in touch with parents via FB, Phone etc. But have a couple I adored and apparently they like me as well. The mom called me this morning top chat and catch up........there is a lot going on in their world...which I cannot write here, but I am an ear to bend and understanding of their current situation. I am glad she felt she could trust me and open up about some things.
In 12 years this is only the fourth Mom I have crossed over into my personal life. It happens.
Talk later my favorite ladies
Piper
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