Single life after a mastectomy
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OMG I just got off the phone with the Ps secretary and she is saying the only day available right now is August 27
she said she is waiting to confirm another patient for July 30th and that if that patient can't do that date then I can take it, but that that patient has been prior to me in the list for surgery The Ps is fully booked omg I am so desperate I am not sure how to pray to the universe so that that surgery can be before can you believe it? UNREAL0 -
Hi All,
I haven't posted on this thread in a while, but here's my update. The husband moved out on May 22, and a week later I met this guy. He isn't the one, I know this, but it has been steamy, and I have enjoyed every minute. In addition, I had a revisional surgery last week, so I wasn't sure how that would be, with recent incisions, compression garments etc., but I have made it work. Seems like a whirlwind, but happy to report that I am out there, dating, intimate and happy about it.
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bdavis, good for you
sending you great wishes hope it all works out.0 -
Bdavis- Glad your husband is out and you are moving on with your life. You sound confident and happy. You go girl!
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ok got a call and it's confirmed no surgery till august 27
unless some body cancel so not likely to happen. I feel like screaming 😱 or heating something maybe I should buy a punching bag like those boxers have lol but with my upper body pain I won't even be able to do that. BB, I know I have to be 😊 happy cuz at least I know a date ,it's the waiting that seams to kill me. Also my money situation is bothering me so much I am not Sure how to keep going.
I cancel the fun trip for tmw cuz i know I will need money to eat lunch with those bikers these days I can't afford to go spending on lunch in a restaurant or any extra spending , it's so crazy how life has taken a crazy shot at us and it's just keeps coming.
Anyway I LL keep smiling ,I figure it can't get any worse now.
Have a great weekend all my beautiful girlfriends , sister get her stiches taken out today.
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Bdavis - Glad you're dating and enjoying it. :-)
Enerva - I had to wait months once for new implants. I pleaded for an earlier surgery date, but an earlier date wasn't available. As it turns out, though, the months passed quickly because I was busy with other things. I hope the time passes quickly for you, too. I just wish you weren't having any pain in the meantime. Glad to hear your sister's stitches will be removed and now she can move on to the next stage of treatment.
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hi ladies i want to share a fantastic page .have a nice weekend
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Thank you milkyway. I didn't sleep well last night, how is your pain? I feel rad damaged my right side muscle in a great deal I can find a good position to sleep, the nights I don't take a sleeping pill I end up suffering, also having very restless dreams. There is not way I can endure these two months. Yesterday I ended up going to a bike show. I drove and met bikers friends whom I miss hanging out with since I stopped riding. Here are a few pictures from the show.
That bike is $80 k lol and took 6 months to build
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Great photos, Enerva. I enjoy going to car shows. Never been to a bike show, but that looks like an amazing bike.
Dr. Seuss always had some good advice to share. Thanks, Jazzy.
Milky - Thanks for sharing. Hope you're doing well. Has the husband moved out yet?
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thanks life is wonderful
No he is here saving money getting ready to market himself hahaha you know girlz these are very smart they want house with husband or any kind of assurance apart from his ××××
Till death do us apart part is no more exist here .
Enerva i m with u sleeps at 3 am i made promise to my mom that i wont take sleeping pills .
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Checking in and doing OK. Keeping up with you ladies, but haven't had too much time to write. I am finally off from work this week. And Yes I went in on Sun when I was officially on vacation. I have to start paying on the new flooring this month, so there was the incentive to do extra time with bonus and time-n-a-half.
Anywho...decided to treat myself and go to Cincy This Wed for the DMB concert. Got a much better seat than I could have gotten in Akron or my home town. Got a hotel room 7 miles from the venue. Don't ya know my home team is playing the Reds over the weekend. I may go to the Cubs vs Reds game on Thurs afternoon before I head home. I may also stop in Athens. (Ohio University)..where I did my undergrad. I have friends all over Ohio and thought of seeing if I could do dinner with some Columbus folks, but not sure I have enough time in the 2 days I will be in the area.
CB has texted me, but less often these days. Asked where if anywhere we were headed....said I didn't need to define this but was a little confused based on things he said prior then kind of being MIA at times. Says he has no intention of disappointing me. Have no idea what that means. So I live my life as it is and don't let the moss gather beneath me. In the meantime my Male BFF phoned Sun and had his own disappointment with a long distance relationship recently. As we were speaking he said he looks for someone who he can be as comfortable and compatible as he is with me. (don't get the wrong idea) It was very sweet and so awesome. We have been friends for so long and for him to use me as a sort of litmus test for others is very cool. Of course I always think if I have no intention of introducing a guy to my BFF J, then I am with the wrong person. Aren't we silly, but what a wonderful testament to our friendship.
My old college roomie was in town over the weekend. Her HS friend lives near me so we all gathered on Sat and had some pool and friend time......It was good to relax and be with my girls, their girls and even their hubbys.
We have had some really wonderful weather recently with lower humidity too. Sun we had a leisurely late morning gathering and lunch.
I am sorry to hear you are in so much pain E.
Glad you were able to attend the bike show. What cool pics.
hugs BB, milky, Jazzy, Bd and many more.....
Catch up soon and maybe have some pics to share from my roadtrip
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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Piper- good to hear from you! I like that you have a male BFF and have a quality male in your life on some level. I had a couple good male friends in my 20s and ended up dating them because it is what they wanted, and it did not work out. I later regretted that, they were better friends than lovers in the end. You keep that friendship and enjoy it!
CB sounds like he may have a lot going on these days. Hard to know what men are up to when they go MIA. I find when men start doing that, I just keep things lite. He may be busy with family matters or he could be dating other women. Hard to know. Keep your eyes open and protect your heart. You are a smart one Piper.
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BB- I am sorry you are having a tough time. I think having to go through BC or a divorce is bad enough, but both at the same time is just putting you in such a bad place. I have not been married or divorced, so I feel at a loss to offer ideas to you outside of trying to find a divorce support group in your area to help with that aspect of what you are going through. I know many women are left at a financial disadvantage after a marriage ends.
Maybe another idea is to start a thread here with the topic of BC and Divorce? You may have more women go to that thread who have been through similar changes in their lives and can share their suggestions?
Not sure if any of this helps, but hoping it does in some small way.
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BB, sending you hugs, I just got off the phone with my insurance and at least I am not push to go back till my surgeries over. I am happy that piper is going on a trip. I want to take my car and drive far far away but my issue is that if I go I don't feel like coming back lol
Milkyway I hear you I am having a hard time with the sleeping situation, my mind can't stop thinking till 2 or 3 am I make a tee and I read my book but it's just not enough I also have the freaking burning in my chest so even with pillows it's just not easy to sleep.
BB, my sister is doing ok but like you she has not stopped smoking and it worry me
I smoked many years ago and I understand it is not easy but you two need to do it, pick up something else like eat candy or chocolate lol I wish it was easy Jazz I agree with you its not much we can advise when we have never been married or divorce ;( but the tread idea sounds good.
I am now waiting for the soccer ⚽ game, that is the existing thing in my life these days
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bb, pls try do it for your surgery then once u manage 3 weeks it ll be easier to keep going. My sis knows it but seam not to want to quit. She changes the subject every time you tell her about it.
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Hi ladies- I try to exercise regularly but don't always have the energy to do as much as recommended. But doing something every day is what matters, whether it's a walk, some yoga, etc. Try swimming as this is sometimes an exercise that is so much easier on the body. I try to swim 3X a week these days. I have problems with my feet so walking a lot is a problem for me now, and I am trying to get back into biking again. I cannot do all the exercise I used to but keep trying to do something, even if it is a 15-20 minute walk. Most of us have fatigue issues and that works against feeling like doing any sort of exercise.
Also, several of you are still going through reconstruction as I read this right so you are really not done with treatment as it stands. I will tell you I finished rads in March of 2013 and then had about six months after adjusting to the AIs. It was really not even until this year I started really feeling better. A doctor friend of mine told me it is really a year after completing everything that you will really begin to feel better and she is very right. It took so much longer to recover from everything than I could have ever imagined, but you will. It is hard to have the complicating factors though like job challenges, financial worries, relationship issues, and the like.
And on the subject of men, I read in AARP today that women are at much higher risk for a spouse leaving them after a serious illness diagnosis than men are. So much for "in sickness and in health." I feel very badly for all of you whose husbands have not stuck by you during this time. It is the women folks who will help you the most.
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BB, that is nuts, it also rained here but not so bad. A few weeks ago we had a tornedo and it destroy lots of homes. North far from me but still weird noise came and lots of rain. I don't know how people move to those twister and tornedo areas in Usa. It's too scary. Glad u are ok. I have to tell you I had a drink the other day and next day I was so sick now I know the drinking thing is really over for me. I never was into it but I wish once in a wile I could enjoy one with people who do have some. I tell you I felt like chemo was in my system all over again. Not sure if it was cuz i had two instead of one lol and I had an empty stomach so who knows I just felt like I was going to leave my soul in the toilet next morning lol
Last night I was in my bed staring atbthis ceiling thinking about all that's so different now. And that it all seam like a bad dream. Somehow no one is waking me up yet. I wish they do. So I can come and make sure you also wake up lol
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BB-yikes, that is awful. So close to your home. I just read some things from friends back east and some violent storms back east. A friend in upstate NY reported a tornado there. Please be safe and hope the lights are back on.
My sister in law (who lives in her own world) told me today to not drink tonight because I have to see my PCP tomorrow for a physical and it would mess up my blood work. I reminded her I rarely drink anymore once again. It is a different world. Still getting used to the new normal.
Did you guys give it up all together? My docs told me 2-3 drinks a week max. Sometimes I drink nothing. If I go out to dinner or the like, I sometimes have a glass of wine or two.
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jazz I hear you I gave it all up. It was not hard to do due to been so sick with chemo my body just didn't allow me to even eat so I stopped the red meat and I was never a drinker but I liked to just be able to have a drink if I was offer one at a dinner or a restaurant. Now what is scary is how sick I got last month when I had two cooler Smirnoff ice. That is I guess too strong and my liver just had a fit lol I was as sick as if I has fec chemo all over again. So now I am scared and I won't do it again.
Yes the new normal is very strange I feel good cuz i am never hungry but I feel so empty as if there is no joy anymore I used to love food and I used to cook and look for exciting recipes now I eat very little and I never cook as if food just lost importance and is not longer fun. I ended up througing food away cuz i buy then is goes bad and I don't cook it. Wierd, wonder if the old me will ever be back.
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Enerva- I think your body just let you know it cannot handle alcohol anymore. My body did the same thing with sugar, and I am grateful it did so I could cut that out of my diet all together. I think you are working very hard at taking good care of yourself. We are all doing the best we can.
Joy is one of those things that evades us after something like this. I have moments of peace, contentment, etc. but don't think any feelings of joy have shown up in awhile here either. I do get out and try to enjoy music, outdoor things, my friends, but my response to things these days is different. I don't get excited about things the way I used to (or if I do it's very rare).
I know I am not waiting for final surgeries and the like you and some others are here. That puts you in a place of total limbo. You need to get on the other side of that and think your sister needs to be doing better to for you to feel at peace. I know you are worried for her and keep your family in my prayers for healing and better days.
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well, here I am, 12:45am not near sleep, just read some bad news about bluebird. It's just so no fair. When ll it all get better?
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well, here I am, 12:45am not near sleep, just read some bad news about bluebird. It's just so no fair. When ll it all get better?
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Enerva- who is bluebird? Your sister?
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Hi Jazz, bluebird is a friend from the insomnia tread, she had a MRI and will need more chemo and rad in her brain,
it is a very busy tread but I am there cuz i usually have insomnia. The ladies in that tread are very funny and full of energy and knowledge. 0 -
Any body watching the soccer game? I am hopping for Netherlands lol then I want Germany to won on Saturday. So far Germany has play really good.
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BB - That's worrisome that you couldn't get through to 911. I was out shopping when the storm hit, but it did no damage around here as far as I know.
Two of my oncologists told me the same thing you were told about BC and divorce: They said it's so common. They said that, in their experience with patients, when men are DX'd with cancer, women tend to stick around. When women are DX'd, the guys tend to split. There are many divorced/separated women here on BC.org - some divorced before DX and others after DX. Many threads have been started here on the topic. I started one myself once. But, while many women comment on those threads, the threads never seem to take off (as far as I'm aware). I don't know why. Maybe they're being cautious about what they say online? Whatever the reason, it seems we each become comfortable on a few threads and stick to them.
Enerva - I've been having the same trouble with sleeping lately. I lie in bed until 3 or 4 a.m. unable to sleep.
Jazzy, Piper, all - Always good to see you here.
Milky - I hope you're doing well.
I'm not familiar with Bluebird, but I'm sorry to hear what's happened.
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BB- I do have a mostly normal life again for the most part and it is far better now than where I was during the worst of it. And because I have come down that road and things ARE better, I encourage all of you to hang in because it will get better. That being said, there are things missing from my life before it all went down like friends that went away when I got sick, and energy that is not there like it used to be, my desire to spend as much time socially with people as I used to, etc. On the outside, I seem like the same person to most folks but on the inside I feel different.
I had three really tough years (like many of you here) that began with my mothers decline and death between the end of 2011 to early 2012 and then a whole lot of other bad stuff followed including my own health issues. Then I took that contract that I just finished last week so I could have work/$$$ during treatment, so I could keep going. It was just all really hard for a long time. I think just now as I come off this project, I am just looking back and seeing where I have been the past three years and saying to myself "OMG, how did I survive all that?" But I did and still try to take one day at a time most of the time. Maybe that is not such a bad thing either?
These days, I try to keep it simple and enjoy the simple things. Time with friends who care, my gardens, something good to eat. I am trying to find a better balance with my work so I can take care of myself and get more exercise. I am waiting to hear on some new work I really want and if it comes through, I will be able to work from home and am so excited about that possibility. We should hear any time now.
I am sorry you are having ex issues and worked your bc may have spread. I hope that is not the case.
Enerva- I was on the insomniacs thread for awhile. It is a great place, but I found unless I went there every day, I could not keep up so I dropped off. I remember seeing you there and there are a few other women there too from other threads I am on. I may check it out again since I am on break from my work and know some of the ladies there. I don't sleep well either.
And I am sorry about Bluebird. That is just not good news at all.
Life- always good to see you here. Interesting that you know the same statistics about divorce and BC. My PCP was telling me today how her nurses father went to my med onc and how he helped them through such a difficult time at the end. She said the nurse's parents were divorced but the ex went back to help the dad at the end of life. I thought to myself as she said it "no man would ever do that for an ex if the tables were turned." There are good men who have taken care of sick women, I know some, and had a few in my family too. I wish there were just more of them for the women who are in marriages or relationships. Thank God we have each other here.
I hope everyone else here is doing okay and has a good end to this Wednesday.
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BB- thanks for understanding. I think there is just a continuum of recovery for all of us here. I am grateful that I am doing as well as I am. And I take none of that for granted.
I am taking a trip back east on Sunday for nine days. I have people I am looking forward to spending time with and some difficult family gatherings to negotiate. Many back there don't know about my BC, although a few do. One of my sister in laws had BC several years ago but we have never been close so I chose not to tell her. My sister did tell her about her BC though. I am hoping the cat does not slip out of the bag. The last thing I want to talk about is the bc is the sister in law and during our time together. Wish me luck on this one.
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