A place to talk death and dying issues
Comments
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Blondie-hello, there have been many very useful posts in between yours and mine. SSD is all over the map. It all depends , but shouldn't depend , on the reviewer. I know they have guidelines, but ........when two people apply and one is approved and one isn't, and the cases are identical, nothing different(redundant),with two different case reviewers, one approved--one not. The system is screwed up. The worst case scenarios , do most uniformly get taken care of. It's trouble when less than worst cases are at the reviewers descretion. Know anyone in that position, advise them to get a good ssdi lawyer sassy
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Stagefree, the municpality pays b/c of?
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I do get SSDI but not SSI got denied but the twins were getting SSI at the time, they don't now, and my only income is the SSDI...thought maybe I should apply again...
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A small correction. SSDI is Social Security Disability Income - the one most of us get. SSI is Supplemental Security Income which is only available for low income and is in addition to SSDI.
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I was reading about SSI and found that if you have any assets like stock accts or savings, even 401K's, you disqualify no matter what your income is. I would have liked to get this because in a couple of years my son will not qualify for SSDI due to age and no more child support. It still looks like I won't qualify. I may qualify for reduced rent but many places here only give out a few appts at greatly reduced income levels.
If you have qualified for accelerated death benefits, know this is not taxable. I believe other assests or income passed on is taxable and worth looking into a trust for that reason as well as not getting tied up in probate.
Terri
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(Miss you Ma, and so many others of our IV ladies. My emotions are matching the "blah" weather out side my windows this Memorial weekend.
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Jean, sorry to hear about your brother- the putting flowers on your own grave- I love it! We absolutly have to have a sense of humor!
Bon- thanks for the info
Stagefree- yeah here in the US they try to make a profit on everything!
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Yep I know and I am low income, only get SSDI
finished my application, we will see if I qualify if I do then ok if not then ok....I have nothing and don't own anything but my car...
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I have already done most of the suggestions in this article, but your online world needs a plan too.
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Susan, I've been on this thread since the beginning, You've brought here something NOT previously discussed, Virtual property, this is one of those Duh moments. Yes we or some may need it. It would be nice if BON could add it into her list on pg 25(26).
BON yoo-hoo what do you think?
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I put in for my SSD in October online and I was immediately approved. Got Back Pay and everything. I guess it's easy for some and harder for others. I believe that if I would have applied in Cali. I would still be fighting to get my benefits.I was denied SSI./p>
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I was very nervous about opening this post as it makes everything so real. I believe in heaven and that it is a wonderful place but cannot adjust to the fact that metastatic disease will take me away from those I love on this earth (my son, my husband, my parents). My therapist is getting me to open up about dying so I don't stuff all my emotions down. I am a very rational, logical person and not very open with my emotions. We started with discussing if I had things in place like a living will. Being logical you think I should but it just makes things seem all to real. I guess I just want to make it easy on myself and let everyone take care of the difficult stuff when I go. I feel that if i take care of it now I will keel over the next day. I am a very superstitious person. For many it brings peace of mind and I know that is how I should look at it. It is helpful to get my thoughts down but very difficult thinking of my son without a mother and having my parents lose a child. The one comforting thought is that someday we will all be in heaven and this will just be a spec in our forever life. This board is a great place to get feelings out in the open. I appreciate that as well as seeing how open everyone else can be. The strength of others amazes me.
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This thread has opened my eyes to things that I should be taking care of while I am still feeling well. I have printed out all Bon's suggestions as well as the recent post by susan_02143 about cyber accounts. I even had the courage to discuss with my DH over dinner this evening that we should look into buying burial plots, so that whichever one of us goes first (probably me, but who knows) it will be one less burden placed on the other.
I actually think that planning makes it easier to face the inevitable, whenever that may be, and I thank ma111, who is smiling at us from above for having the courage to start this discussion. God bless ma111.
Diane
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Hi folks dropping in with some links that you might find useful. Store away to pass around:) sassy
Someone mentioned CancerandCareers on the financial forum. GREAT web site for all things employment Thanks. I added it to my thread for newbies Just diagnosed -get prepared. Also, found another web site today, that I have included the link for, it is evrything you would like to know about saving money on drugs. The question and answer below the links are in regard on how to make the system work for you re: meds received in a cancer center.
Edit:6/6/13 Found two new web sites that are a must to review. One is on saving money on drugs. Start with 'home" page , then the really helpful page is the "About Us" Pg. Link is to home pge.
This next link is dedicated to most of the need to know info regarding work and cancer. BCO has much information on the main borad, but this link is much more expansive
HAVE A CALL OUT TO MY RESOURCE PERSON:If you bring in the coupon taken from the web site to the cancer center, will/can it be utilized to help pay copay ANSWER to question NO.
Per my resource: This is how to make the website work or other resources work for you while receiving cancer meds in a cancer center, SPEAK UP and let them know you need financial help, best to do when you have initial contact with CC. What they then do, if they are connected like mine, they go through their resources the same we would, but would be contacting as a a provider. Grant money or assistance can be available under all kinds of circumstances. Do not assume you make too much money or b/c you have insurance, money is not available. If say you get turned down initially, recheckin should circumstances change.
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Bon - sounds like a hoot. I'll have to check it out.
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Hm...Bon, sounds interesting.
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Professional mourners have been around for a long time. On a recent visit to Rome I noticed that many sarcophagi of the wealthy and influential were decorated with bas reliefs of elaborate funeral processions. Here's a description of practices from SPQR Online:
"Funerals were generally organized by professional undertakers who provided mourning women, musicians, and sometimes dancers and mimes. For the poor, funerals were usually simple, but for the wealthy and especially the illustrious, the funeral was fantastic. Marked a procession through the streets of Rome, mourners paused in front of the forum for a ceremony of laudatio, where the deceased was displayed, normally upright, and a eulogy was read (the laudatio funebris). During the republic and earlier empire part of the procession was made up of the deceased's family, all wearing masks of his ancestors. Those wearing masks rode in chariots as a prominent part of the procession. This right, however, was restricted to those families who had held curule magistracies. The procession continued outside the city to the site of the burial or cremation."
(I confess that I do like the idea of a parade!)
Tina
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The latest issue of TIME magazine (June 24 issue), has a very interesting and informative article about cremation.
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It's definitely good to talk about these things now while you're healthy, rather than to wait until it's possibly too late. In my mom's case, she NEVER wanted to discuss her death or dying under any circumstances except for one very short conversation where she said, "I want to be cremated, not buried... you guys can spread my ashes at the botanical gardens and keep a little for yourselves... don't want a funeral or anything sad... have a party or a cookout or something."
Thank God she told me that because when she died a couple months later, we were at least somewhat prepared with what we needed to do. Unfortunately, nothing else was planned. There was no life insurance, no funeral homes pre-planned, no organized family contact list, nothing. Luckily we managed to pull through but now that the dust has settled a couple months later, we're still trying to figure out where mom left off with bills, credit cards, investments, etc. What a mess.
Anyway, that said, I know mom did it this way because it was all she was emotionally capable of doing. She was unable to emotionally bring up death or dying, or talk about final arrangements, what to do with her finances, etc. PLEASE, don't do this to your families... they will have enough to deal with emotionally when you are gone--adding to the stress by not planning anything will just make it harder on them. If you are unable to talk about it, say that to your family and perhaps write down your wishes and put them somewhere where your family will know to look for them.
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Hi All,
In the June issue of the AARP bulletin, there were a couple of articles which may be of interest to some of you. The first is titled "Guarding the Fate of Your Digital Assets".
"What happens, after you die, to the information you have stored online? If it is on YouTube or in accounts such as GMail or Picasa, you can use Google's Inactive Account Manager to be sure it all goes where you want it to go.
The new feature allows you to give your consent to transfer data -- such as stored emails and family photos-- to your executor or other designee. For your loved ones to retrieve your data from Facebook, Yahoo and other online services, you should authorize your executor to work with those services to transfer your stored information.
Other services such as Legacy Locker and Planned Departure will encrypt and hold your various account passwords. But you'll still need an authorized executor to ensure your assets go to the right place." -by Christina Ianzito
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The second article from AARP is titled, 'Homegoings': A Different Type of Funeral
"Isaiah Owens calls African American funerals "a sad, good time," occasions where people cry about losing the deceased and sing with joy that their loved one has "gone home" to be with God. Owens should know. As owner of a funeral home in New York's historic Harlem, he has worked more that 40 years in the business.
The 62-year-old funeral director shares his thoughts on death and dying in a new documentary "Homegoings," which kicks off the new season of the PBS serier POV.
Filmmaker Christine Turner says she hopes viewers will be encouraged "to think about themselves, their families and the preciousness of life."
"Homegoings" airs June 24 on PBS (check local listings).
-by Barbranda Lumpkins Walls
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From this morning's Washington Post, more on "Homegoings," which airs tonight in the metro DC area:
“Homegoings,” Christine Turner’s exquisitely tender documentary about a Harlem funeral director, is one of those rare opportunities to go toward the thing we fear most — death — and realize how much joy and comfort there is in it, when handled with grace and care.
The film, which airs Monday night as part of PBS’s superior “POV” series, follows Isaiah Owens, who moved to New York in the 1960s and became a mortician. He opened a funeral home that became an essential part of the community, outlasting many of his competitors. Owens also runs a funeral parlor in his South Carolina home town, where, two days a week, his 95-year-old mother answers phones and proudly refers to the deluxe, custom-made casket in the showroom as “my bed.” (For when the time comes.)
Unlike TLC’s “Best Funeral Ever,” which focuses on the most ostentatious displays of African American funeral traditions, “Homegoings” is a thoughtful and enlightening exploration of the cultural history and meaning of these traditions. “Everybody knows it’s going to be a sad, good time,” Owens says of a typical homegoingParallel to the evolution of the modern funeral industry in the 19th century, black undertakers were not only entrepreneurial but also deeply invested in their mission to provide the deceased with the respect they often were not shown in life. Before and after slavery’s end, death was frequently seen as life’s only real reward. The undertaker ushered his neighbors to a greater glory, where, at long last, they would be eternally free of discrimination and suffering.Owens recounts a boyhood spent transfixed by the rituals of death, holding elaborate funerals for matchsticks and dead bugs in his backyard. Picking up on Owens’s matter-of-fact reverence for his work, Turner and her crew achieve a tasteful yet inquisitive level of access few filmmakers get, watching as Owens lovingly and meticulously washes, embalms and prepares his clients for rest. Remarkably, this is neither macabre nor disturbing, although I suppose some viewers won’t be able to take it; such is our refusal to face mortality.
What’s more revealing is watching how Owens treats the living. A customer comes to him ready to lock in the price (nearly $10,000) for a “pre-need” funeral package for herself. After she tells him that she is known far and wide for her vibrant red hair, he asks her the color and brand, and whether she gets a rinse or a dye. He knows to ask now, because he won’t be able to ask her after she’s dead, and he wants every detail to be exactly right. The whole exchange is giddy and upbeat — and instructive to those of us who put off end-of-life issues.
So fascinating is “Homegoings,” so assured and unobtrusive, that I was disappointed to discover it’s only an hour long. This is one of those documentaries that easily could go on for another 45 minutes, especially if it had further explored the funeral industry’s diciest subject: affordability.
Most journalism about the funeral industry treats cost as a consumer rather than an emotional matter, dating back 50 years to Jessica Mitford’s landmark exposé of the usual tricks of the trade, which led to some regulatory reforms. Owens makes a passing, doleful mention of how the recession has led to more of his clients’ bodies being delivered to direct cremation. He’s not just sad about the missed opportunity to sell another shiny casket and restore someone’s mother to her faded beauty, he says. He also wants people to get there in the true style they desired.
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I happened to catch a few minutes of Homegoing the other night. While I find the subject interesting, the show moved a little too slowly for me. If I'm able, I will see if I can view the TLC show about the best funeral ever. Also curious about that Sally Field movie.
I would never refer to a funeral as vulgar. In my area of the Ohio Valley, there's a typical funeral with a viewing, service, burial and then luncheon afterwards. Some people switch it out with rock music playing at the funeral home or motorcyclists coming out en masse to pay respects to a club member, ect. Both my parents passed away about 15 years ago within nine months of each other, and the funeral part was very important to my siblings and me. Deciding what clothes they would wear, what flowers and headstones to order. As they say, it was truly a way of showing our "last respects" and there was so much dignity to it.
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Re: people going the route of direct cremation. It seems the funeral industry is pricing itself out of the equation for many people. My funeral will cost WAY more (WITH cremation) than my simple wedding, or even the bill I paid when my son was born prematurely & spent 31 days in the hospital.
I'm all for paying respects to a loved one who's passed. I feel it's necessary for the loved ones still living for closure. But sometimes I feel that those people who are caught up in the grief get taken advantage of by some funeral directors who rationalize their prices, saying that the grieving family members would want 'the best' for the newly deceased. I'm not saying funeral directors are unique; every industry has its share of sharks.
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I know just what you mean, Bon, about tv shows trumping up the drama for the cameras!
Hmm...I don't think in my own life I've ever attended an ostentatious funeral, but to each their own. How about when Michael Jackson died and there was a big hoopla of celebrities that went to the Staples Center in L.A. and sang beautiful songs and a few people spoke. I watched every minute of it. And going back even further, I remember when Tammy Wynette died and her funeral was shown on CNN. I watched that one, too, as I really liked her, and she died rather young, in her 50s I think. So in some ways, when celebrities pass and we get a televised seat to those huge mourn-fests (Princess Diana; I was crushed when she died and saw that funeral as well), its as if we don't really consider that they're ostentatious; we think they are fitting for that person's status. Perhaps people who do funerals up big for their loved ones see them as worthy of the fuss and trouble. In some ways, that loved one was a celebrity to them.
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Here's a question--My husband and I don't go to church and have no religious feelings at all. We plan to be cremated. When the time comes, how is the funeral arranged? Does the cremation place have a service? Do we ask a friend to speak, or does the funeral home provide someone? Should we plan this in advance?
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I recently went to non-religious memorial service. It was at the funeral home. There was a program printed up, pictures & a nice slide show. The funeral director acted as the master of ceremonies (so to speak). He welcomed the guests, a favorite song was sung, the family had several representatives speak & then the funeral director opened up the floor for others to share memories. Afterwards he thanked people for coming & invited all to a lunch the family was hosting at a nearby restaurant. Funeral directors will do any kind of service you want; if there are certains songs you would want, certain people you'd like to speak etc. then it is a good thing to have it planned in advance.
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Ruth, thank you. Your info is very helpful. I think it would be best to make some plans soon. They can always be changed. I liked the funeral idea that you described.
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Thank you, these are great suggestions for us currently single women.
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Bonnie, thank you so much! That's great information. I'm going to feel more at peace when I have all this worked out--and then I hope I don't need the services for quite awhile!
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