A place to talk death and dying issues
Comments
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good idea, told my daughter that no clinical trials for me and something else, wth was it, lol
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Good Morning-friends, have been working on an issue with a member. Wanted to share with you all the note below b/c of it's importance. Hope you find it useful Sassy
(members name deleted) Glad the link helped. If you get the AARP magazine this months issue (probably dated may 2013) , there is a story about the safest hospitals and what safety procedures that are in place that cause them to be safe. The article cites that 180,000 people die a year due to medical/surgical errors AND 400,000 drug errors are made a year. The articles states that these numbers are likely higher b/c these are the ones that are reported. I agree. I know you've seen where I've said on the threads "Sorry etc for too much info, just want too make you(BCO memebers) safer". Guess I should stop apologizing for writing stuff in this regard. These numbers are higher then the last set of numbers that I had known. The problem is either getting worse OR there is better reporting. I'll go with better reporting.
It cited that one of the safety items was having an ICU Intensivist. It cited that only 35% of hospitals had Intensivist. I was dismayed at this percentage since residencies for Critical Care Medicine have been available since the 1980's. Truly thought by now that the "industry" would have been driven by demand for better care that this statistic would be 70 to 80%. ICU medicine is absolutely in need of a specially trained doc. Just as in all subspecialties of the American Medical Association(AMA), the knowledge and skills of this subspecialty are critical to survival when a patient is at this level of need.
I'm going to post this on the threads, I'll take off identifiers. My hope is those seeing this will locate a copy of the AARP article. Read it throroughly. Then question there local hospitals on each item. Based on what they elicit re:safety of each facility, they can choose the safest hospital near them for care. It can mean the difference between life and death, and or avoidable complications. Spreading the word to others regarding this may save lives.
Your description of where your friends daughter is now is typical. So, the care may have been fine or she recovered in spite of them. I'll go with the care b/c of your description of how she appears now. What was truly lacking here was the communication in lay terms to the family of was what was going on with the patient. All the lay person then can do observing is assume, as in this patients case, there appeared to be fractured care delivery and choas. What can the untrained person concluded observing this. As in all care, communication is the center of it all. Very often even the care givers question what the recovery will be. AND then the patient pulls through. Continuing with evaluating the records will lend a lot to the understanding of this event.
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Jeez, went to local funeral home yesterday. Cremation alone is $950, but,you have to buy Cremation package: $4000. That's the whole package. No funeral, no viewing, just "professional services."
So $3000 for transporting body to crematorium, pouring ashes into vessel, (not included) and returning that to family.
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K-Lo: That's right on target. My brother died suddenly last year and just for the cremation it was $3540.
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K-lo for my DH in 2010 that was about the price--creamation was about $950, urn about $350(colonial box), included transporting to church for Mass, flower transport, death certificate copies, obit placement (I think), a little urn about 70$ that was buried at his parents grave site up north, transport from home to crematorium. If I can remember where the papers are I'd get exact numbers. They had a little ark type carry thing for the urn that two people carried up and then back down the isle @ church, rememberance cards & book. I did not have a viewing , strictly the Mass. and luncheon at a local restaurant after. The luncheon worked out great b/c twice as many people came as expected. It was an Italian /Greek restaurant. We ordered for more than expected, but then were able to order pizza to fill the void. Had order 3-4X's as much salad. We ended up with leftovers so it was all okay on everything.
I did think that I would look for myself for an urn off the internet, but haven't followed through. I'll give a look and see
sassy0 -
Well apparently buying urns has become a HUGE market. Even Walmart's into it. Price range just on the google adds and first web address I hit, ranged from 12.99 to several thousand.
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Yes, dying is BIG business. Bon said the law states you can get any funeral home's price list for services and products. So I got one from town. I've posted this before, but will copy it here again:
direct cremation: $2225
Traditional funeral: includes afternoon and evening viewing , next-day funderal ceremony $4,550. Casket would be extra.
Cremation with afternoon and evening viewing and next-day funeral service, rental casket included $4,950
Crazy, but the cremation services are pricier than the traditional except for the casket.
Oh, and to have an obituary printed in our local newspaper: $150.
I priced headstones, and the one I liked was about $3,000. Didn't make the commitment, will look around. I know cheaper stones can be had; the salespitch for this one was that foreign granite can have flaws, retain water over the years, crack, ect. I want an upright about 30" x 36" and a footer.
DH and I purchased a cemetary plot: $350. We plan to be cremated and have the cremains buried in one plot. Cost for burial: $300 each.
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Wondering what you do if you don't have a burial plot anywhere. DH and I have moved so often, no real roots or "home base" to really have even thought of a cemetary location. We both plan to both plan to be cremated, so I wonder what we should do with the ashes. Probably going to be HIS problem, not mine, LOL! So there wouldn't need to be any headstone, etc., so no burial record, etc??? I know a woman who keeps her DH's ashes in a "Seol bowl" (the covered bowl came from a trip they made together) on a shelf, don't know what she plans to do with them!
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Hey Linda and Divine , DH is in the bedroom, DS will get both the remains, I'd like to end up together, but he will probably have kids and want to do the same. Considering how often we have moved and DS too, this could get to be a lengthy process. A little here, a little there LOL sassy
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So theres no reason one cannot choose any "urn" they want, right?
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I think somewhere earlier on this thread what is known as direct cremation is typically less than $1000. Often aroun $7 or 800. Definitely something to shop if a funeral home says they want over $2000.
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Well here in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada my girlfriend had her hubby's ashes put in an antique porcelain oriental vase, (around 21") with a lid that the funeral home sealed. She keeps him in the rec room of her home. I know every Province has different rules.
I told Jim I wanted to be in a steel lined box with a pic of me and my granddaughter pasted on front and planted right on the mantel with googly eyes that follow you....katie was with us and I lightened the conversation up as she doesn't know that I have IV. It has to be steel lined i said...what if you drop me,....vacuum hmmm, katie laughed (she's 10)...jeez, prior to this conversation he was going to throw me in the lake!
I've never been ok to talk about death. Im getting on board now tho...At one point in the past Jim was going to make our pine boxes and store them in the basement...I ne'er killed him! He gets sooooo upset at funeral costs lol. Before my BC he was determined that he would transport me DEAD in the van from the hospital to the funeral home.....crap....he was serious....he and his father drove his mother's ashes 100 miles to her familie's town...ok, that's fine...but he was serious about dragging my dead body in the back of the van to save money! I made my daughter executor of my will so if he loses his mind at least I'll be cremated before being dragged around! I will get my stuff together but I'm still in shock.0 -
I am not stage iv but my husband was cremated, I dealt directly with the crematory and it was just under $400.00. Remains were in a small box, I didn't want to keep them so an urn wasn't necessary. Not all funeral homes have crematories, check with one that does, also many times inner city has lower cost.
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Well - I started "getting my affairs in order" yesterday. I planned to get the final arrangements made, but I was pretty depressed from just shopping around, so I guess getting some prices was a first step. I'll do more another day very soon, but needed to digest this information and talk to my husband about it (he's a master procrastinator - especially about this). A cremation plot is $250. A local funeral home charges $3270 and that is only to arrange/transport for the cremation, and provide a graveside service, an urn, and complete the burial paperwork.It would be much more if I want a service at the funeral home. A mortuary 50 miles away will provide the same job for $1300. What a markup! I'd like to keep my business with a local funeral home, but I think my kids can use the extra $2000 more than the rich funeral home director can. I know they would be shipping me out for cremation - probably to the guys 50 miles away - so what am I paying them for? I guess I'm the tight one, but we spend so much of our salaries on medical bills - there's not much left over. I doubt that he would want to haul me in the back of the van though - reminds me of the movie Little Miss Sunshine. Very funny movie if you haven't seen it.
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For the record - I've always said that after I died, I didn't care if they toss me in a garbage bag and throw me in a ditch, as I won't be here. The only person that I can get to talk seriously about this that expressed an opinion was my daughter. I was fine with having my ashes scattered, but she said she would prefer that I be in a cemetary, so I 'm making these arrangements on her behalf. I want to do whatever brings my loved ones a measure of comfort.
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Joanne, you made me laugh! And a $12.99 Walmart urn? They wouldn't dare! Still, these costs are shocking. I want my ashes scattered over the water in CA... can't imagine what that involves!
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I'm going to rent that movie surfdreams! I'm laughing cause after I finished writing about Jim he asked if there was anything happy on this site...well I said...I just wrote that you were going to transport my dead body to save money...he looked at me...I wanted to smack him lol, he said yes, I'm going to rent a U-haul, I told you that...well...I said "you can't do that cause Cindy (our DD) is the executor"! We were having a hard time earlier tonite up at our fav restaurant...I'm trying to "enjoy the moment" but reality sucks. Have to joke to stay sane.
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Actually my avatar/pic was taken there a few weeks ago when I bought my wig...tonite I went nakid...
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I'll bet you were still a cutie patootie!
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Several months ago, DH and I brought up the delicate subject of final wishes/final resting place with our college aged son. He doesn't want to sort of inherit our cremains in an urn. We don't care to have our ashes scattered. So we chose the cemetery just outside our town where a number of DH's family are buried and bought the plot. It's actually calming to have at least that much decided.
I can't say if DH and DS will want a viewing or service. It's really up to them, whatever they would be comfortable with, and what would give them the most comfort. Me, I'd go with whatever saves money. But if spending a bit of money is going to help them the most in their grief, that's what they should do.
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Divine, so right, whatever helps them , we won't know.
I've been putting off the urn search. But based on what I saw yesterday. I need to get working. There was one web site that had teaching stuff I should have copied the link here. There's actual recommended size for perdeath body weight. Small , medium, large. DUH who new. I'll try and find the link.
I was ornery about wedding costs in 1972, I was in 5 weddings before mine, my wedding dress was 12.99. That was CHEAP even then. Unbleached muslin and cotton lace in a pre 1900 style. I was 21. I was into antiquing/junqueing even then, so, the pre 1900 look with a wide brimmed hat with a green ribbon was right in character. It's on a mannequin in my victorian living room. It's lovely. Entirely agree that funeral costs are way out of line. It'd be a hoot if I could do the same with a funeral.
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Did anyone see the story from Texas awhile back. A man was transporting his fathers ashes in a fishing tackle box back to their hometown, stopped for gas(something?). Someone stole the tackle box. He was on TV asking for the return of the box.
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sas, I also was thrifty about my wedding. DH and I took a trip to Williamsburg, VA (about 8 hours away) for five days and got married while there. I purchased short white dress off the rack, he bought a suit. All told, with the cost of the trip included, we spent less than $500. This was back in the late 80s.
I can picture your 70s wedding, I know just what you mean about the muslin and lace dresses with picture hat. What a wonderful idea to have it on display in you home.
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Thanks Divine, I still love it, and I can sweetly preach about costs. Poor DS, but he's now quite thrifty, so, some has worn off on him LOL. I wish I could post the window setting, It's a bow window with the mannequin and a little circular marble top table with a vase of red flowers with flowers all around. AND other old things. Hung our wedding picture on fishing wire from the bow windows ceiling. So, it's floating so to speak.
Have always wanted to go to Williamsburg, read much about it, Lovely
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Hi, all. I have been reading for a while here, and don't think I posted a ways back about the idea of donating your body to science. I was the director of the non-transplant anatomical bank for a while for the university I worked for, and one of my best friends was the director of the one across town, so we worked together a lot. And another of my best friends taught anatomy at a medical school. The gift of your body is one of the greatest gifts you can give if it is something that appeals to you. Each of us made sure students were oriented to their "teachers", that they understood the great gift they had been given, that they treated each with great respect, and there was a memorial service at the end of the semester for all students and faculty to attend if they wanted. I don't think relatives were invited because of confidentiality issues - students did not know the person personally as that would have been too difficult. In any case, sometimes the "teacher" works for an entire year as students progress through studying the body, returning to the lab daily or weekly throughout the year. So there is definitely a delay in getting cremains returned to families, but it is not becuase anyone delays on purpose, but rather because their loved one is teaching these young health care professions students. I remember my own experience with learning and the profound appreciation I had for the gift someone had made. Sorry about being so wordy, but I am very grateful for anyone who feels moved to donate their body to science, and want to assure you that the gift is respected and appreciated.
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Linda, wow. Your post is fascinating. Thanks for the insight. What a job, so interesting.
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Hi Linda, as Divine said enlightening. For the aspects that I can add, at the local med school, they invited family members to a once a year ceremony for those that were retired from the service that they offered. The instituition took it quite seriously. They wanted to impress upon all their students the significance of what these people did. A memorial service. AND there was a social gathering after that allowed families to talk. When this was described to me I rhought it so respectful and kind.
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I am, www.sciencecare.com signed up for it and they are taking care of everything.....
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I saw a bio urn - it's like a compost pot you stick your ashes in, some potting soil and a tree seed. It was $150 - lol
But, I kind of liked the idea. I could nourish a tree. Then I think - my tree will die and it will be like replacing a goldfish for the kids
I'm also thinking of having some ashes put into a concrete bench. (along with the bag i have of mom, dad and brother) Which I will have placed in the cemetery that is in my sideyard (ca1830's). I bought
the bench mold online.
As for cremation prices, my parents wanted the chic-chic funeral home about $4000 just cremation. When my brother died I was paying. I went two blocks over and paid $1700. I have found the same price difference here in my
town.
Off to take my Xeloda...0 -
The posting about renting a van and transporting the body to save money is a hoot! I have a Buddhist friend who wanted to leave his body out for the vultures to consume... can't do that here, maybe Tibet. Cremation in Oregon seems to be running 600-1000, no urn just a box.
I have a question for Linda n3- if you have had double mastectomy do they still take the body to medical school? Sometimes they like all the body parts there for study. I was curious.
Nice to read that others value simple weddings and simple inexpensive dresses. Back in 1989 we spent 375 on our entire wedding. Dress 100 (not a wedding dress/ plain tea length white) church office wedding, cake/ lunch for immediate family, money to minister (Unitarian's pretty reasonable). Big weddings are so stressful that they aren't fun... simple is better.
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