Mastectomy Sept 2011
Comments
-
Good Evening ladies -
Feeling pretty mellow due to the rainy weather and a couple of Lazy Days. With only 2 weeks left off work I think I will have to kick some things into high gear next week - so I am slacking off the rest of this one.
Groovygirls - You HAVE your life - you are here - we are ALL here. It's not what we wanted to go through - and some days you just get mad because it SUCKS to have CANCER.... but you will do this - and you will be blessed in ways you never knew were possible before this.
Silia - OH my goodness - I hate when I hear about complications - that just breaks my heart - but you are on the mend and I pray for continued healing for you.
I watched "FIVE" yesterday while Hubby was at work - I knew he would be mad - because of course I SOBBED... it was good.... but there are SO MANY MORE THAN FIVE stories - as this board alone can show - for just ONE Months Sisters. It's hard to watch in some ways because the stories are so different - but it was done in good taste mostly. Just a note to Sarah - that struck me in the face - and I think we are the only "two-fers" on this board - the word "FIVE" is significant for FIVE stories but also about FIVE years and that number and its significance in the Breast Cancer world - and it's a hard one to swallow for me and for many women because they give you that stupid marker - and then it comes back you are like "WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS MEAN NOW" - so just a word of caution on that piece of the movies... that and OH MY GOSH YOU WILL SOB.... I probably should have waited to watch it - but I have watched cancer movies my whole life - it's what I know.
I am praying that all my friends here have a restful night - and continue to heal. I will need to start some research on Silcone v. Saline for my perm implants - does anyone know if there is already a board for that ? I will have to look. I know there are many opinions and I haven't even had a fill yet - but I need to start moving toward that decision soon.
Okay girllllls - sleep tight - love to you all.
Tina
0 -
Hi All,
Got back from hospital about 9:00 last night. There had been an emergency which delayed my surgery by 3 hours. Anyway, it all went well . Dr. said port placement was easy. PS was able to remove nipple but save the implant!!! So, no TE needed. Meeting with onc on Monday to nail down chemo date. My PS seems to think I should wait a few weeks but we'll see what onc says. I am exhausted and more sore than in pain so I do see a nap on the horizon. Love to you all and lots of healing prayers, Caryn0 -
Forgot to add that I pm'ed Olga several days ago but have not heard from her yet.
Caryn0 -
Caryn - great to hear from you and SO excited about the implant staying! That is GREAT news. I bet it'll feel like much less surgery b/c of that, too. Glad to hear you're going to rest - and also that port placement was easy. All good. Here's to a restful day and a good weekend ahead of you.
Tina - Based on your words, I'm not watching Five now . . . I'm still bitter about Ten! Also - there's no silicone versus saline board - I posted way back when and got some responses from women who'd chosen saline, but we are in the minority BY FAR. My PS does 99% silicone - says the cosmetic results are much much better. If you want to hear my thought process, happy to share. It is, of course, an intensely personal decision, as are all these things!
Groovygirls - how're you doing today? Has something triggered your fear of recurrence or are you just having a down week and worrying about everything? You sound so discouraged - I can completely relate. I'm on a roller coaster of emotions here and little things set me off worrying so easily. I've had all these hiccups with my recovery and I feel like every one has the potential to send me into a tailspin. It's a really vulnerable time . . . we are still healing emotionally and physically. Give yourself time, life will come back - trust me on this one, OK? But check in and let us know how you are 'cause I'm worrying about you, now.
I also PM'd Olga and haven't heard from her - hoping she checks in, too.
Well, on the roller coaster front - had some lentils last night that did NOT agree w/me and was up late in the bathroom. A friend who had a BMX (no reconstruction) came over this a.m. and said she'd had weird digestive issues after her BMX and her docs told her it can be lasting effects from the general anesthesia. So curious b/c one of the things the allergist thinks might've caused my rash is one or more of the anesthesia meds - I feel like there are pieces of the puzzle here - looking forward to more allergy testing in the future (not something you say every day!). So today, I'm pooped.
I will report that my nursing camisoles are AWESOME and had I not had a new rash on Lefty from post-revision paper tape and the runs, I would've been the most comfortable ever, since surgery. Highly recommend.
Sarah
0 -
Yay Caryn - so good to hear from you and wow how AWESOME that they could save the implant!!! So happy for you! Happy napping!
Groovy girls - HUGS! This whole cancer crap sucks. Sometimes you just need to have a good cry about it. None of us can have our old life back exactly the way it was - that stinks and yes reoccurence is indeed scary - nobody knows what will happen for any of us in the future but the one thing we know for sure is - we have time NOW. I think it is really hard to live in the present - but hopefully this is a lesson I will learn from the whole ordeal - to appreciate the day to day moments in life more. I thought I was doing that, but I've learned I have a lot more growing to do in this area. Hope for the best, don't ruin today by worrying about what may or may not happen down the road. You can only control so much in life.
0 -
Good afternoon ladies...
Let me say I am worried about Olgah.. Sure hope she is doing ok with chemo and checks in soon.
Caryn - Bout dang time you get some good news! Glad everything went well.
Silia - Welcome to the group. I am so sorry you had such a rough road so far. Hope the rest of the journey is smooth sailing for you.
Tina - I too looked for a saline vs silicone thread and found none. I am leaning towards saline for my exchange next month mainly because with saline if there is any leak issue, I do not have to worry about any harmful effects. I realize that the likelyhood is low for any leak or rupture but to me it is a matter of peace of mind. Just my thoughts...
Groovygirls - I understand your concerns but we can't live our lives wondering what if? Hard as it is to do, we have to learn to accept where we are and appreciate what we have not what we don't or lost. As Dancetrancer said, I too am learning this lesson myself as well. Lean on us as you need to...We are all here for you and understand.
Sarah - Sorry you had a rough evening too. Hopefully you can enjoy a restful evening with the new cami tonight.
I am still not quite right but feeling much better today. Hoping to be good as new by Sunday since it is our 13th wedding anniversary. No big plans, just dinner out but after all the other health crap hubby has been through with me lately, I really want us to have a nice cancer free evening.
TGIF all and hope everyone has a wonderful evening.
0 -
Happy anniversary, Odie! Fingers are crossed that you're up for a nice dinner - it'll be so great to get out to celebrate all that's good for a change. Glad you're feeling better - it's a start!
Tina/Odie - I chose saline for the peace of mind - it's hard to detect a rupture w/silicone and I am too paranoid about the silicone in my body (often, though, the silicone is captured w/i the scar tissue that surrounds the implant). I didn't want to add worries of silent rupture to my list of worries - but again, just me. And again, I'm happy to share more w/anyone - I did a bunch of research on the two.
DD got invited out to dinner, so I'm here waiting for the chuck wagon (AKA DH) to arrive. Looking at nice big salad, followed by a potent drug cocktail to put me under for the evening. Hope nothin' stops us all tonight and we sleep like babies!
xo
Sarah
0 -
Hi Ladies,
I haven't written in awhile as I've tried to focus on healing, walking, reading and spending time with family & friends. I'm recovering more each day (BMX SNBx2 no recon on 9/20/11). A bad cold the first week to 10 days slowed me down but thank God no complications. I'm still having pain in armpits & across chest especially toward evening. Feels like a rope that is being stretched & twisted from armpit to armpit. Not sure how else to describe it. Stretching helps.
I met with Physiatrist this week to check ranges & any possible nerve damage, etc. He thinks most pain is temporary & should diminish in the coming weeks. Great news as I wasn't sure it would. He told me to beef up the amount of Ibuprofen. I also started PT which hurt but also helped.
Here is the really, really good news! My ONC called yesterday morning to tell me my Oncotype score which was low so NO CHEMO. I couldn't be more happy. Initially they told me my cancer had spread & was aggressive & to expect all available treatment. No rads, no chemo! I will start hormone therapy in a few weeks. I am so grateful & feel humbled that I have been so fortunate.
I am praying for each of you that are currently having pain, are scared, tired, sick and any of the other emotions that go along with BC. I pray you sleep tonight & have happy dreams that give you hope tomorrow. Each day is a new day.
Thank you to everyone who encouraged me when I was diagnosed and after surgery, especially Onward who befriended me & brought light when I was surrounded by darkness. I will continue to monitor & offer encouragement to others.
Gentle hugs to all.
Deborah0 -
Insomnia. Just tried to edit my profile, but it looks as if it added a bunch of nonsense. Argh. Went to my PS today because suddenly I had a pink spot and a pink section along the questionable incision on my right breast. I thought it might be an infection. He was not worried, but gave me an RX for antiobiotics on the off chance that it did turn out to be something significant. My breasts are looking more and more "normal," except for the incisions. Who knows? Maybe this will all work out after all! Now I need to go knock on wood and pray. Caryn, great news! Welcome to the newbies. Hugs and support to all of my sisters. Hope no one else is struggling with insomnia tonight!
0 -
Good morning Ladies -
Caryn - YAY on the implant - that is great news!
Groovygirls - how are you feeling today? Let us know - we are here for you sister!!!
Odie - Thanks for your thoughts - I am just putting all my info together on choices people made and why - it's extremely indivdual but I know my Sisters know it well - so I would rather ask them than my doctor who is 99% silicone. HappyAnniversary - I felt it was really important to go out and do something to celebrate my birthday - because we have had so much "sick" in this house... I hope you have a lovely time!
Deborah - No Chemo!!! That is great news - so happy for you! Sounds like you are doing great.
Therese9 - Sorry about the insomnia - you know I am right there with you - sleep is horrible for me still.
I tried the bed again last night - because I am feeling discouraged - it was torture. Why do I have SO much pain in bed and not in the recliner. I don't get it. I am lying pretty far back in the chair - so it just doesnt make sense. I finally got up after the burning in my armpit was so bad i couldn't take it anymore. And this was all with an ativan and a pain pill for insurance ...
Well - It's daytime again and that's always a good thing for me because the pain is better - and the rain is gone - which also seemed to make things more achey yesterday. So I am hoping for a good day for all of us - One day at a time.
Hugs!
Tina
0 -
Odie - congrats on the anniversary! I hope you have a wonderful, romantic dinner.
Newfmama - we had surgery on the same day. I'm still having intermittent chest pain (mostly just uncomfortable with anything touching my chest), but it's not as bad as it was. No real armpit discomfort unless I overdo use of my SNB arm, which I avoid. I definitely have that tight feeling across the chest which I am sure are the pec muscles which have just been put through h*ll and back. Walking followed by very gentle stretching definitely helps me, too. Such wonderful news for you about no chemo or rads - it is definitely a blessing.
Stephanie - glad things are looking more normal for you - that is great news indeed. Here's wishing you better sleep tonight...a common problem here!
Tina - are you putting pillows under your arms when you lie in bed? Also, try extra pillows under your upper trunk (so that you make a small wedge on the bed) and some pillows under your knees. This will put you in a more similar alignment as the recliner. If that works you can try gradually reducing pillows as your body adjusts. Just some thoughts of things to try! Oh, and have you talked to your PS about the burning in your armpit?
Well, this morning I did the Race for the Cure as planned. The best part was the survivor parade - everyone on the sidelines cheering, etc. etc. Yep, broke a few tears, but kept my composure mostly! The 5K was pretty rough the last half mile or so, but I am proud that I made it to the end. I was more sore than normal in the chest compared to my normal daily walks, but I'm home now resting on the couch and doing fine (Aleve has kicked in, too). Overall it was a very inspirational experience and a really nice thing for DH and I to share together.
0 -
Feeling a bit draggy today. Two surgeries in 5 weeks takes it's toll. I was starting to feel quite well an now I'm back to recovery mode. I have gained one port ( a power port!), kept my one step implant but lost a nipple. What a ride! Hope you're all doing well.
Caryn0 -
Thanks for all the support re: my C diff -- SO GLAD to have that behind me!
Deborah - congrats on not needing chemo and rads - yippee!
groovy - I think we all go through our rollercoaster of emotions, including worrying about reoccurence... I try to tell myself that it's unlikely but more importantly whether it happens in the future or not, all I can try to do is enjoy my days and weeks and months NOW. God forbid, but if I do have a recurrence, it'll be that much more imortant that I've been able to focus on the here and now for as long as possible. This may not be helpful for you. Just realize that we all grapple with this at times. Sending a hug.
Caryn - give yourself all the recovery time you need. Our bodies know what is needed to be able to heal and bounce back.
Wishing everyone an enjoyable Sunday!
0 -
Groovygirls, I too have more fear of recurrence now on some days more than others. My recurrence occured just about 1 year after initial diagnosis, so of course, I have had the fleeting "what-if" thoughts, but have been pretty good about not dwelling on them. Just faced this by getting my "soldier" attitude back, got ready for this battle, going forward to accomplish the mission. "Survive to Enjoy Life" I am still tearful at least once every couple of days, just breaking into sobbing, grieving the loss of my previous life, but am doing a lot of reading and meditating, thinking about what I am being asked to do next in my life. Apparently it isn't over yet, so there must be more for me to accomplish. I send you special prayers for healing and peace, and especially peace within - that seems to have been the toughest part for me.
Tina, I am having severe burning under my SNB/ALD arm, very numb to touch but hypersensitive to touch at the same time... go figure. This seems to be the worst thing of all right now.
I am just now 2 weeks post BMX, have not read back through the posts, but hoping some of you can remember beginning that 3rd week and let me know when you started feeling better. I actually thought the first week wasn't too bad, but then realized I was on pain pills most of the time, now am trying to decrease them because they make me sleepy, but if I don't take them, the pain sneaks up on me and then I struggle for a while. Second week was tougher, drains very bothersome. At least the drains came out on Friday, so THAT major irritation is better - they were so superficial that every touch over my skin was painful. That is getting better slowly.
Dancetrancer, so GLAD you did the race!! Caryn, rest well, my friend! Silia, glad your GI stuff is better! Deborah, glad you are not going to have to do the chemo. For those getting ready and starting chemo, remember that this is just one more battle that you can win! We are in this to win the war, despite any setbacks, complications, SEs. We are in this together, and I am thankful for my ALL my sisters. And please let us know if anyone hears from Ogla - I remember feeling VERY badly during chemo and not logging on for days at a time - but this passed and I reconnected, so I hope she does as well.
Gentle hugs to you all.
0 -
Happy Sunday all...
Deborah - Congrats on the good news. I can't tell you how relieved I felt when my oncologist said the same thing earlier last week. We are truly blessed.
Caryn - Hopefully you are having a restful weekend. Your body has been thru alot recently so take the time to relax and recover.
Silia - Back at ya! Have a wonderful Sunday...
Off to a nice dinner with DH to celebrate another year. Anybody else weepy since surgery??... Not usually a sap but have turned into one since surgery. Luckily only happy tears from here on.....
Hugs to all.
0 -
Do you realize the Holidays are all just ahead of us. Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. 3 months and 3 major Holidays. Anyone have any plans for any of these days. Traveling to see family, decorating your homes with spider webs this month?, Buying Christmas presents for December?
I guess if I'm going through chemo will have to schedule it so I'm not too sick during Thanksgiving or Christmas so I can enjoy those days. Just how do we navigate all of it.
Groovygirl I'm hoping your feeling better today and the sadness has past. Have you started your treatments for all this yet?
Hey Sarah I hope you feel better and are getting lots of sleep this week.
Hoping all the rest of you have a great week and a great evening.
0 -
Hi friends - hope you've all had a good weekend. I've been enjoying some gorgeous fall weather here in Boston - my little ambles around the 'hood have been so pleasant, and a chance to catch up with neighbors.
Deborah - so excited about you not needing chemo - that is great news!
Stephanie - hope you're sleeping better. I've said it before, I think that sleep is the universal complaint amongst us. I haven't heard one woman say "Wow! I had such a good rest last night!"
Lorraine - sounds like the Race was awesome - glad you enjoyed it and excited you could do the whole thing! Hope you're feeling OK today and that your fatigue isn't lingering. Just think of how many people couldn't do a 5K who HAVEN'T recently had a BMX?? You rock.
Caryn, I hope you're energy's coming up a little. You've been through a lot and you're good to rest. I bet it'll pick up this week if it hasn't already . . . but take care of yourself.
Linda - I feel like I turned a real corner last week, which was the 3 week anniversary of my surgery. I had noticeably more energy and just felt more like myself. Not nearly myself (still not there, end of the week) but seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope you turn that corner soon - makes the times you're dragging easier to take b/c you've had the delight of being "up" a little! I too am trying to figure out what to do next w/my life - I changed things radically after my first dx but now am SO happy w/where I am - so need to find a new focus to bring meaning, now that I have a second, second chance. That'll come w/time.
Odie - happy, happy anniversary! I hope you have a delicious and romantic dinner w/DH.
I'm feeling better than ever this weekend. My swelling on the left is still pretty bad - trying to control my worry about it and remember that PS said it'd take longer to come down b/c of the previous rads. Seeing the LE PT tomorrow a.m. so that'll be interesting. I tried driving just now - it was OK, twisting to look to back out of the driveway was interesting . . . not painful but difficult - anyone doing this with success? Will it get easier quickly? Driving (and turning) was easy, but I'm stressed if I have to parallel park (we live in a very urban area). I'll be keeping my driving very local to start, esp. since I had that revision just last Wed. and my swelling is still so bad. My other news is that I'm off Tylenol now, so just taking antibiotics and then an ativan at bedtime - giving my poor liver a rest.
Hope all you ladies get some sleep tonight. Tomorrow is my 4 week anniversary - some days have dragged by, but the time has flown (like having a toddler, as I recall!).
xo
Sarah
0 -
I am feeling better- thanks for everyone's support as I go thru the stages of grief.
Today I took GG#1 to her football game- she does cheering. We had to pay $3 for pink socks so that the cheerleaders and football players can support breast cancer awareness- I wonder how more aware the 11 year old football players are now. GG#1 wonders where her $3 is going
I had 3 miles on tap for today- felt so good I did it again! Took DH with me the second time. I always take my favorite exercise partner- Bella Buttercup. She I a 90 pound golden retriever ! I wrap her leash around my waist so that I don't have to use my arms to control her ( not supposed to lift- I guess I can listen to something the doctors tell me!)0 -
Sarah- this is so bad but when I first started driving I had GG #1 help me turn the wheel when I backed up!
We live in extremely rural area with one traffic light. There was no danger in me injuring anyone or anything,0 -
Odie, I've been more weepy over the past day or two. For me, I'm having more time to myself since DH is traveling for work - and that means more time to reflect and think. It's finally hitting me everything I've been through in the last couple months. I'm not freaking out or anything, just kind of "weepy" as you said.
Sarah - thanks for the kudos on the Race! I was pretty tired yesterday and then actually pretty sore in the pecs (guess it was all the extra arm swing), so I was pretty nervous about that and took it real easy the rest of the day. I think this couch has an imprint where my butt has been planted on it the past few weeks, LOL! Today I'm feeling pretty darned good - pleasantly surprised by that. Still, though, took it easy. No walking, just did the stationary bike and my gentle arm exercises, which are gradually getting easier. Pecs are still pretty tight but loosening up quicker, so I know I am definitely going in the right direction. Oh I am so glad you are feeling better than ever! And driving - HUGE! Yes, twisting to look backwards is still awkward, but doable...I don't know that I'd want to tackle parallel parking yet though...course that was a challenge before surgery anyways, LOL!
Caryn - yeah, I'd be dragging butt if I had a second surgery for sure. Still waiting to find out if I'm going to be able to keep my areola or not... Glad to see you hanging in there! Take it easy and listen to your body:-)
Linda, I too think it was my 3rd week when I started feeling much better. Funny how the time all runs together. Someday this will be all but a distant memory...looking forward to that!
Groovy girls - so glad you are in better spirits and woo-hoo six miles - you go girl!
0 -
This is so bad.... GG #2 and I are watching Chris march's new show on Bravo (any project runway fans?) she had to ask me "what's a dominatrix clown". I told her I would tell her if she promised not to tell anyone and if she did not to tell anyone where she heard it! She couldn't promise and asked that I not tell her. BTW- she is nine- I would have explained (somehow ) on a nine year old level!
0 -
Dance trance - I think reality is setting in for me too. I have my moments (as we all know!). every one else seems to be back to normal. GG #1 has asked me to stop playing the cancer card when I ask her for help when emptying the dishwasher. DH is working 80 hours a week. GG#2 is still very sweet but needs to be driven to and from gymnastics 3 days a week. Glad to know some things are okay!
0 -
Someone, on another thread, said driving is fine as long as you are going straight! Older DD and SIL came down for the weekend to help out which was nice and gave my younger daughter a break. Older daughter is definitely "showing" and I will be going with her to her ultrasound appt. on Friday to find out baby's gender! As for me, still in recovery mode and a bit creeped out by all my artificial parts, boobs, port , yikes! I have official ID cards for alll of these little add ons. What a trip.
Caryn0 -
Wait...what.... Did I miss something? A grandbaby!!!!!
My only goal the this ordeal is to hold my grandchildren - you are blessed!0 -
Yes, I am going to be a first time grandmother in March. DD found out she was pregnant 3 days after my bc diagnosis. When we were telling the family, we said, "Well, we have some bad news and some good news." This also happened about a week before my other daughter's engagement party! It was quite a summer.
Caryn0 -
Caryn- best wishes for your DD (and you)! Are you really going to find out boy/girl?
0 -
Yes, they want to know so I guess I will find out too. My younger daughter will be there too and then we are going out to a celebratory brunch. It will be a bc free day!
Caryn0 -
Groovygirl - I haven't read any thread where recovery was over within a month. Your doing fine in the healing process. Youth gets bored and expects quick comebacks and can say stupid or insensitive things without much thought. Don't let that get you down. There is nothing wrong with how you're feeling, I think you're doing better than many of the women who share where they are in this battle. My surgeon tells me the pain can last for years because of the nerves they cut. The damage done to our bodies with these surgeries can and does take a long time to heal. You had 2 nodes removed and they have to separate muscle to do that. The BS also told me the hormonal changes that come with all of this can cause all sorts of emotional ups and downs. You can't compare your recovery with anyone else because you are unique physically. No one is like someone else in the returning to a healthier life. Feel good, feel better.
0 -
Tina - Just getting into a bed with your limitations can cause pain. Sitting down in a recliner where your legs and back do most of the work is far less stressful on your shoulders and arms. I also wonder how soft the recliner is as opposed to the bed. It's either back or side in the bed where a recliner would allow a variety of positions and as Linda shared, the arms of the chair itself give you a lift that the bed won't provide. There is also the issue of being flat where the spine and shoulders are forced to flatten out and stretch. Maybe your armpit and muscles can't like that right now. I've had burning under my arm pit for several weeks. It's caused by slight swelling that caused the joint to rub together between pit and my upper torso. Swelling was so slight I didn't notice it at first as so much more was going on. Had my daughter in law take a simple shoulder pad and cover it in cotton (white t-shirt), then use corn starch on the pad, (not a lot), place it under my armpit and the burning -though it hasn't disappeared is managable. Your body has been through a lot and you just have the miseries right now. Saddened your feeling so bad. Don't expect more of yourself than your body allows. There's no book that says you should be this way or that way within this much time. Be good to yourself and allow yourself to heal. You sound like you just really want the norm back and being patient just sucks to you right now. It's just doing little things for yourself to bring your body comfort that will make a difference. Here's hoping your feeling better soon.
0 -
Hi all! Hope you had a good weekend. Odie16, hope your 16th wedding anniversary dinner was delicious and relaxing. Groovygirls, good to hear you sounding better. I've been feeling really good in general but I know already that I can't be past all the challenges and set backs. This path out of bc land is tricky and arduous, but we'll get there. Caryn, I'm sure you're exhausted -- hard to take many steps forward, then have surgery again and feel as if you're starting the healing process again. Congrats on your daughter's pregnancy!! Hugs to all of you tonight.
Suddenly tonight I noticed that the TE in my right breast is palpably softer than it was. Actually both TEs are a little softer. It's freaking me out. Has anyone else had this three weeks out? My fear, probably paranoid, is that the TE leaked. Slept well last night. HoPe you all do the same tonight!0
