Mastectomy Sept 2011
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Yay Sarah for less swelling and more driving!!!
I worked today and flared up my shoulder demonstrating a technique to a student. STUPID. Sitting here with ice on it right now. It'll be fine, just the rotator cuff telling me I over did it. Hopefully this is a lesson learned! It is so easy to overdo.
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Oh, Caryn, you must be SOO frustrated and ready to be on the healing path with no more bumps ahead! Sending you wishes for strength and deep, easy healing. Olgah, you too have been going through more than your share of difficulties!! So sorry that you've had to deal with more frustration and anxiety. Hope you can rest and relax as much as possible and that you too have smooth sailing soon!
I haven't posted for awhile, but I've tried to keep up with most of your posts. Even though I seem to be healing well, which I realize is not a given at all, I am so exhausted. It's dispiriting. Even doing emails or posting here seems like too much most of the time. I can do about 50%-- if I'm lucky-- of what I could do before the surgery. Is this normal?? I've started back to my freelance gig, but I can only do a few hours before I have to stop.
This Thursday it will be six weeks since my surgery. I still have the TEs, but so far haven't had any fills because the incision on the right breast wasn't healing quite right and now my ps is out of town for a week. I just met with my cancer surgeon yesterday, who was quite happy with how I'm doing. When I mentioned my exhaustion to the assistant surgeon, she said I could get my thyroid checked. Say what? I mean, I suppose I could suddenly have simultaneous problems with my thyroid as well as bc, but really? I guess I just don't know what's normal. Is anyone else still wiped out easily after a month and a half?
Anyway, our 24-year-old son is home from NYC for a few days, leaving Thursday, and then our 21-year-old daughter arrives for a few days. It's the first time I've seen my babies since the surgery--and that alone lifts my mood. Sending you all best wishes as we continue along this sometimes difficult and lonely journey. I may not have all the answers I'd like, but I do know that it would be so much more difficult without you all and this board!! xoxo, Stephanie
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Stephanie, I have to say that although I'm not 100%, I'm feeling pretty good for 6 wks postop, as of today. I'm not back to aggressive exercise, but I can do low level stuff for an hour. I can work a full day, but I'm then pretty wiped out the rest of the evening. I still can't work and then go exercise afterwards.
However, I have not had TE's, so I don't think you can compare how I'm doing with how you are doing. With TE's, I believe the pec muscle is cut, plus you said your incision isn't healing right...so there are two additional facets that require more healing energy and time. That certainly would make you more fatigued. Hopefully others with TE's will chime in to give you their feedback on how they are feeling. Hope you start feeling more energy soon!
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Best guess is power will be back on by Friday at midnight. No school for the girls again- third day in a row!
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Stephanie - I'm 6 weeks out too and frustrated by the same things you are - but I've been told by BS, PS and PT that this is totally normal - that our bodies were assaulted 6 weeks ago, and that it just takes a lot of time to feel energetic again. You could get your thyroid checked, but I seriously doubt you've developed an issue - my BS told me back in June when I was dx'd and contemplating BMX that the fatigue would kick my butt in a way "I'd never imagine." Pretty much on-target! An example - I'm supposed to meet a friend for coffee/tea at 10:15, 5 minutes from my house this a.m. I did a lot yesterday and I am WIPED today, despite going to sleep at 8:45 last night. I am still in my sweats, wondering how I am going to motivate to put on some jeans and a little makeup to meet her. It'll be pushing it for me to do this . . . whereas in my old life, I'd be working out right now, then doing 1,000 other things and wouldn't even meet her this early b/c I would be too busy!
Hang in there and keep us posted - you are not alone!
Groovy - this is getting crazy. Have other friends in same boat as you . . . . hope somehow they exceed expectations and it comes on more quickly.
Sarah
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Olga - I hope the leak stops
Sarah - congrats on driving - I find driving to be the hardest thing to do.
Stephanie - I think the fatigue is normal. Our bodies have been through so much.... Plus as they kept telling me rest and listen to your body.
update on me... yesterday I had my herceptin IV and then I meet with ONC (first time since I ended chemo Aug 29). She was so excited by how well the chemo had worked based on my surgical path report. She also told me that my post chemo muga (heart test) was better then my pre-chemo one. Which really shocked me because before chemo I was working out 10 hours per week. After all that I went to PS for my 2nd fill. I told him last week's fill (60cc) wasn't too bad to deal with so to fill me with as much as he could. He put 75cc in left and 80cc in right. I told him I would rather deal with the muscle spasms and discomfort rather then take longer to get my chest ready for exchange. At this rate I will be done with fills around Nov 22 and have my exchange early Jan. I can not wait to get these TE out of my chest. As I told my PS yesterday these TE are the worst part so far of my cancer journey and that includes 4 months of chem and BMX. While at the PS office I got a free facial and 1 month supply of Latisse (my PS and his staff are so wonderful).
I was release to return to work - so I am back at it today. I am lucky that I get to work out of my home office unless I am traveling and my first business trip isn't till Nov 30 - if I get tired I can leave my office and go relax in the recliner. I finally have figured out how to sleep in bed (spent 3 1/5 weeks in the recliner). It is so nice to get back into my familiar routine (even though it isn't my full routine it is a start).
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I'm home! Lung is not completely inflated but they are hoping that time will take care of that. I still have a portable chest tube so I'm back to "creative" showering . I felt so filthy after 6 days in the hospital. Hope everyone is doing well. Thanks for your good wishes.
Caryn0 -
Hi Ladies,
I haven't posted in a while because I have been so exhausted and a little depressed. I feel a little better reading that many of you are also suffering from fatigue. To recap I had a BMX on 9/26/11 with immediate reconstruction with TE. I had my 2nd fill yesterday so I have 300cc's in the right and 250cc in the left breast. I had skin and nipple sparing surgery so I finally do feel that I look a little better but I'm sore and tired. I'm sure part of it is that I wake up a lot during the night because I'm not a back sleeper and I want to turn on to my side. Does anyone know if you can sleep on your tummy after the exchange with implants? I also do have hypothyroidism. I've been on synthroid for low thryoid for about 10 years. I'm thinking I should see my endocrinologist and have my TSH level checked in case my dose needs to be increased. I feel bad complaining about fatigue when so many of you are having chemo. I had chemo 7 years ago and it was awful. Do you all get exhausted after driving and just completing a couple of errands?
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Caryn - glad you're home! Even a "creative" shower will be blissful right now . . . I hope that drat lung keeps inflating and you're good to go soon. You have been thru the wringer, my friend. Hugs to you.
Margie - glad you can get filled to the max - I hear TE's are a bear - and you saying they're worse than anything means something! I was complaining about drain holes yesterday to my PT and she said "lots of women say they're more painful than the mastectomies" - come to think of it, I agree. Cheers to starting work and hooray for doing it from home - that's comforting!
Jaysmommy - maybe you should see your endocrine - who knows, maybe you need a tweak? But like I said above, I feel really fatigued too - I'll feel pretty good, then tempt fate and get whacked back down. It's all normal for this time . . . I do find that resting makes me feel better though, unlike when I had chemo 10 years ago and no matter how much I rested, I still felt like junk toward the end of my chemo treatments. All this is just exhausting for our bodies.
I came home from tea (had a nice time), changed back into loungewear, and have been lost in a book. Now listening to the sounds of men assembling my DD's new desk - she is going to lose her mind when she gets home - SO excited to have a desk for homework - this kid LOVES school, am I lucky or what??
Sarah
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Welcome home Caryn!!!!
Margie - congrats on getting back to work! I know it felt good to me to get back to doing something non-cancer related!
Jaysmommy - hope you feel better soon. This is such a long road of recovery.
Sarah - that's great your daughter loves school - I was the same way. I'm sure that makes parenting MUCH easier!
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Caryn -- so glad they finally sprung you from the hospital. Have you thought about taking a bath - but only filling the tub to just below your waist? I did that a couple time when I had my drains because I was tired and it was easier then standing in the shower (this is a trick a survivor told me about).
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Caryn,
So glad to see you are home now where I am sure you will get more rest...
MargieC - Glad to see you are doing so well. May you continue to surpass expectations!
Jaysmommy - One step at time and naps are a good thing!! It will get better day by day...
Sarah - Sounds like you have a great kid there! And you are now mobile??? Whoa....lookout!!!
As for me, I had my first fill today (only need two..) and am getting excited about the potential results. No real discomfort... One more then exchanging these stupid TE's just before Thanksgiving. Can't believe we are so close to the holidays....
Anyone start holiday shopping yet??
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Odie - I am proud to say I designed and ordered our holiday cards on Halloween night - the earliest EVER for me. Done some poking around on line for gifts, but haven't pulled the trigger yet. I always say that from Halloween-on it's mayhem 'til January 1 . . . wheeeee! Here we go!
Sarah
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Sarah - May I say you amaze me... I will actually enjoy the madness this season as a welcome distraction from the so called stupid journey..... And calories from Christmas cookies don't count, right?
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Odie - nope! Lil' trick my grandmother taught me - if you break the cookie in 1/2, then all the calories fall out. Pass it on!
On the calorie/weight note, I tried on a pencil skirt I got last fall, which was snug on me last Thanksgiving . . . well, it's not snug now - so despite feeling like jell-o, I guess I haven't lost all my pre-BMX tone. At least I have that going for me! Bring on the cookies.
Sarah
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Odie-wow you get to do your exchange so soon after your last fill? My PS said I need to wait 4-6 weeks after my last fill before I can do the exchange. I'm having at least two more fills so I'm looking at January. I wonder why I have to wait so long and you get to do it so soon? Funny how all these docs/surgeons do things so differently.
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Thanks, Dancetrancer. The encouragment is most appreciated. How great to hear that you're feeling so good, all things considered. You may not be at 100% but you sound energetic and happy. WTG!!
Margie C, that's great news about your oncology report post chemo! You must be so happy.
I can't believe that you'll be going on a business trip, but I guess that's almost four weeks away still. Much to celebrate!Jaysmommy, sorry you're also feeling fatique. My surgery was only a few days before yours (9/22) and like you I get tired after driving downtown, running a few errands and working for a few hours. I do think the TEs make a big difference, as so many have said here. Hang in there. Although I'm not glad others are also tired it does make me think that this is more normal than abnormal.
Sarah, yes our bodies have been assaulted, it's true. Although you say you're fatigued and I'm sure you are, but you STILL manage to do more than two woman most of the time.
You ordered your Christmas cards on Halloween?! I rest my case. I'm sorry that you're exhausted. I feel the same way about meeting friends. Some days it's just too much. That's fantastic that you daughter loves school! How lucky you are indeed.Odie, that's good news about your fills! I'm only going to get one or two myself (something I just found out), but haven't even had one yet. I'm sure it is exciting, especially if you like the way it looks! Progress is progress.
I was less tired today, but I also took it easier, coming home right away when I started to fade. Thanks for all the support. It makes a big difference! Have a great evening you all.
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And welcome home, Caryn! May you not have to go back to the hospital for a very, very long time! Hugs.
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Good morning ladies.
Jaysmommy - It is funny how each doctor does things differently. My understanding is that they generally wait several weeks after the final fill before the exchange however since I didn't have to have chemo & am actually going a size smaller than pre-BC, my doctor says I am in great shape to go ahead with the exchange. I have no skin issues and have done really well post surgery for the most part. I admit I was somewhat nervous since it appears my path is not quite the norm but my PS is very meticulous about his work and so far the results are looking good. Scary but I actually have faith in my PS and think I am just one of the lucky ones who doesn't have to have these TE's for too long. (Can't wait to get rid of them... haha) So countdown to squishees!!! Will get them just before Thanksgiving actually.
Hope everyone has a great day...
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Odie - you shouldn't be nervious - makes perfect sense since you don't have to stretch your skin as much 'cause you're going down a size. I mean look - I had NO TE's b/c I was staying the same size. It's logical, and on Thanksgiving it'll be two more things to be thankful for!
Stephanie - you're overestimating my productivity. Maybe I READ more than two women, but productivity is not my stong suit right now. Good for you for resting right away - I feel like I'm just sorta figuring this out, at the tail end of it all - the quicker I give in and listen to my body, the better I rebound. Duh. "Giving in" are two words that don't go well together in my vocabulary!
I'm all dressed up and ready to get my hair cut. Pretty psyched b/c 1) I'll look better and 2) this is the hairdresser I've had for 10+ years and he took me thru cancer round I (shaved my head, cut my wig for me) and it'll be fun to celebrate being on the other side of surgery w/him . . . . It's a gorgeous day, my daughter's out 'til 4:30, so I should be able to enjoy this and then come home to rest up before she gets home. All good.
Hope everyone's hanging in today. Don't be shy if you need to whine or cry - that's what breast friends are for!
Sarah
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Yipee! We have power, cable, and internet as of this morning! 50% of my town is still without power. Kids have ANOTHER day off from school today. They will be returning tomorrow!
I am day three of tamoxifen- feel very moody in a PMS sort of way....I pity everyone around me!
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Odie16-- Make sense that you are able to have your exchange sooner since you are not doing much for fills.
Jaysmommy- I am on a schedule like you. I have a couple more fills and then will have my exchange 4 weeks later.
Sarah- enjoy your haircut and day out.
Groovygirls- yea power. sorry you feeling moody on the tamoxifen hopefully that will not last long.
Well I made it through my first day back to work. UGH. 4 weeks out and I had thousands of emails. It will take me the rest of this week to get through them all. Oh well I can only do what I can do. I have to keep reminding myself of that. Prior to BC I was a workaholic and I am trying to keep myself from getting back in that habit.
Have a good Thurs ladies - sending gentle healing hugs to everyone.
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Thanks for the kind words ladies. I initially was a little nervous about the pace but not so much now.. Think it was just a surprise since nothing else has moved at warp speed prior to now... I actually have complete faith in my PS and am really looking forward to seeing the end result which I really think is going to be better than I even imagined. Although I will note that he seems a bit like a perfectionist...lol... What strikes me as really funny is how excited I am over the reconstruction process. (fyi, I mean no offense to anyone in my next statement) since I would never have considered having breast work (although I have a few friends who had it electively for cosmetic reasons) so it is just so "not me". The irony in my life is hiliarious at moments....
Sarah - Hope you had a great day out and I bet the new "do' looks fabulous! Love the line that is what "breast friends" are for. Cracked me up!!
Groovygirls - Glad you have electricity back now. Hate that you feel more emotional now with the Tamoxifen. I will be joining you on that train at the end of the month...
Theresa9- One step at a time and rest as needed. Luckily the fatigue does eventually get better and we just have to keep reassessing our limits as we recover.
MarcieC - Boy do I sympathize about the emails. Funny how they add up so quickly that it takes a day or two to get thru them after any time off..I too will need to ease myself back to work rather than jumping back to 50+ hour weeks.
Gentle hugs my friends.
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Sarah - BFF's - LOVE it, LOL!
Margie - congrats on your first day back to work...and glad to see you are trying to limit yourself - plenty of time to work in life...but that's not what means the most, is it now? :-)
Groovygirls - hope the Tamox goes better and you don't feel so moody - hopefully it's not related!
Stephanie - glad you are feeling a bit better and that the comments here are helping you be a bit easier on yourself!
Girls - check this out...at work today, my diagnosis came out in a discussion with the other teachers (I thought they all knew...surprise!). Well, I cannot believe the insensitivity of the two girls at the table. They both asked me why I had a BMX, and I told them b/c I had cancer. There response was to immediately ask me if I was going to "go bigger" and tell me I should...then proceeded to blab on and on and ON about how they both had implants and LOVED them. Never once did they ask me anything about my story/prognosis - NOTHING. OMG, I was incredulous. Amazing how superficial people can be, and insensitive! OK, rant over. LOL!
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DT -So sorry about your day but they clearly haven't found the cure for stupid yet either. Guess they have their priorities straight, huh?
BIG HUGS GIRL!!!!
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Lorraine - if I had a dime for everyone who asked me if I was going to go bigger . . . grrrrr. As Odie said, there's no cure for stupid - or for discomfort w/the subject. I think it's a knee-jerk comment when people don't know what to say. It's completely insensitive. I often reply, "why would I want to go bigger? I am so perfect just as I am?" That usually shuts 'em up. Or, if they're going on about implants, you could lay it on them about Sharon Osbourne getting hers removed. Or . . . you can just come here and rant!! : )
Odie - I'm with you on the "never thought I'd be into plastic surgery" thing. When we were watching the interview w/the Steve Jobs biographer, he was quoting Jobs as being disgusted w/how a bunch of other software zillionaires were buying big houses, sending their kids to fancy schools, and their wives were having plastic surgery - I turned to my DH and said "hey! just like you!" And we laughed b/c had I not had to have my breasts amputated, I don't think I'd have ever been in that office. I'm glad I chose this route, not b/c my foobs look perfect, but b/c it's afforded me a result that's the most like the old me - perfectly imperfect. I would just like to stop thinking about breasts for a little while, thankyouverymuch!!
Groovy - hip hip - hooray for power!! Never been so good to flick on the tube, heat up the oven, open that fridge, eh? See how you do on Tamoxifen - It does mess w/your hormonal balance, but you'll settle in after a while. I was not a fan, but I made it thru 5 years w/o any additional drugs to deal w/SE's. Hopefully it'll work well for you - lots of women have no issues - fingers crossed for you.
Margie - your attitude is great! If you can strike a work/life balance, that'll be so satisfying. I quit my job when I was done w/my cancer treatment, Round I. Yep, walked away from the partnership, the money, the intellectual challenge and the teamwork . . . but also from the stress, 100+ hour weeks, no life. No regrets for me - still trying to find something that I like that fits into my life and doesn't take over my life . . . I'm a "recovering workaholic" I guess!
The haircut and trip to the drug store yesterday wiped me out, so I laid low yesterday afternoon. Better today - overseeing some window treatment installation here this a.m., then off for a noon-time PT session. Really nothing exciting here, which is fine by me . . . ready for just an ordinary life for a while.
Happy Friday, girls!
Sarah
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Checking in ladies - STILL No power here in CT.
it's been a rough ride - maybe be sunday? So sorry for not responding to all the posts - but sounds like you are all doing well - and moving ahead - one step at a time.
Regarding the surgery comments - I am sure we all have a story but my sister in law said "you will always be perky. I'm kinda jealous." REALLY???
So yeah - people say dumb things. I am trying to stay positive with no power and scrounging for charges and showers and hot food... but we have a wood stove at the house - so we have some heat.... Thankful there wasn't too much damage to our house- just a tree on the deck...
Thinking of you all!!!
Be well,
Tina
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Thanks Sarah and Tina...yeah, people really need to THINK before they speak, LOL!
Big thing...I laid on my stomach today for the first time...with my arms part way over my head!!! I just tested it out, b/c my docs are requiring me to have another MRI before they will do my areola surgery. I am nervous about laying in the machine with my arms over my head. Looks like I'll be ok. My L arm has been giving me some trouble with small cords developing in the armpit, but I'm on it. My friend who is a LE specialist taught me how to release them. Seems like new ones keep popping up, but overall, much improved.
Oh, my docs are making me have a mammo too, on these sore boobies. Ugggh. Not looking forwad to next week, but if I made it through a BMX, this will be nothing in comparison.
Tina - gosh, hope that power comes back on SOON!!!
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God I hate my job.....
I want to stop working and knit all day
I work with the homeless and most of my patients are decent hard working people who got a string of bad luck in this bad economy. The 1 percent truly suck
Okay I deleted my very snarky tirade. I love my job I love my job I love my job0 -
DT,
I am stupified at the 'you should go bigger' comments. The only charitable explanation I can come up with for them is that they didn't want to delve into personal medical issues like your cancer prognosis during the meeting and were just trying to keep it light. I really really hope this is the case.
I have sometimes wondered whether I would have preferred that no one know about my diagnosis. I am not ashamed and want to contribute to the wonderful open exchange of information we share on these boards, but things are harder in real life. I have been especially bummed by the people who say something to the effect of, "this happened b/c you don't believe in ______" (fill in name of appropriate god or religion here).
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