Radiation recovery
Comments
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Thanks SAB. I'll bet you have a lot to add. I get inspiration from all you do to stay active. That is my biggest challenge.
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Run free and Gigi, I've been going through what you've described since rads ended nearly a year ago. It has improved, gradually, but I still have spells, some long, of weeping and sadness. Therapy has helped, work, love of friends and family. I need to meditate more. I do think this feeling will gradually lift. Like you, sometime it just suddenly hits me, and I can't believe this has happened to me. How to feel safe? Tincture of time, and a positive attitude, I hope.
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I finished rads almost three months ago and now, for the past couple of weeks, I've been noticing a tender area on the outside of my breast. I'm assuming it's rads related, but wondering if anyone else has experienced something like this?
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Brookside, yes, I had and still have what you're describing. It started a bit after rads ended. My bs says it will most likely get somewhat better, but will always be a little tender. I think the rads damages the nerves a little.
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Thank you , Susannah. The good new just keeps coming, doesn't it?
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Brookside I have tenderness in the area too. In my case it is usually the LE rearing it's ugly head, but it is not at all uncommon. I also developed new scar tissue and thought that was odd, but apparently not so much.
Great post Gigil and I am sure it will reassure others. I worry so little about recurrance oddly enough. I have bigger things I guess, but hope to stay healthy.
Bunkie I think it is perfectly normal to do the two scopes together. I had both, my upper GI showed a hiatal hernia, but all biopsies were clear. Definitely will make cake balls and jump in the pocket with everyone else. Always know we are with you!
Thinking of you Kate and hope you can just get lots of rest and get some strength back.
Our garage sales starts tomorrow. I have been super busy! Today will be another long day. Tomorrow we just have to get everying out there early.
Sew.....thinking of you always during these difficult days. Big hugs.
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I have the tender area on the outside of my breast too. I am 21 months out. It isn't as tender, but it is definitely there. I was feeling around yesterday, which I think I have been doing in anticipation of my upcoming exam. I believe I have gotten used to it and some days, it is more tender, especially after I have slept on that side.
Janis, good luck with your garage sale.0 -
GiGil - Wow, luv the post! You hit it on the head...focusing on today:). Thanks!
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Gigil, great, insightful post. Something we can all live by
RunFree, I think we've all hit times like what you're going thru. Hell, we just had cancer and fought our way back, for Peet's sake. I felt blind sided bby my cancer and I've come to look at the whole thing like a crap shoot. No control. So, now I try for a bit of control. If you're a book person, have you got the Servan-Shreiber Anti-Cancer book? that one always has things I can do to keep healthy. I don't go overboard, and don't beat myself up when I "eat wrong" although my body does react very sluggishly now when I do. And sometimes I used to find my self in the middle of a pity party.....geeze, I'd been thru this whole thing, and now my family and friends all think I'm fine. I wanted to shout....no I'm not, I'll always have the cancer scare. But you know what? cancer cells actually grow in all of us, or so I understand, and it's just only some of them in some bodies get ugly and take over. And there's the crap shoot as I figure it. So, now, after 2 years of dealing with this since diagnosis, I have very few episodes of melt down. I do the best I can, have weeded out those unimportant tasks (and people) in my life and am attempting to live happily. If I dwell on the "what if's" that brings me down too much, then I try to mentally resort to my crap shoot theory. I also find that helping new gals get thru this is strangely comforting to me. Perhaps it's because I can look at what they're going thru, remember how very scared and confused I was at the time and how much I appreciated the wisdom of "those who had gone before". And I feel helpful. And sometimes, selfishly, I think "thank God I didn't have that" and can be happy with what I did have. I think that's why I've stayed around on this thread as long as I have....that and everyone here is so great and comforting.
Brookside, I've had/have that same area. sometimes I think it hurts because I don't stretch it out enough. I'm not positive that stretching actually helps, but it makes me feel like I'm fighting back.
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My DM used to tell me to put my troubles in a pile with other people's and I would certainly take them right back again. I have been thinking about this as I continue reading the inspiring Ido in Autismland...this morning Ido (as a 13 year old boy overcoming severe output issues) told me that "happiness is overcoming self-pity." I plan on working on that.
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I've actually laid off the stretching for a couple of days. Even though my stretches are very gentle, I'm afraid that might be causing it, because it's getting more uncomfortable. I've been more careful with exercise too, a bit nervous about lymphedema. Does that feel tender? Or just sausage-like? I was supposed to have a rads followup on Tuesday, but had to change it to the following week, immediately before my breast surgeon followup, so I'm frustrated about that--was really hoping for an exam in a couple of days.
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SAB, you have something there. I live in a family that doesn't cotton to self pity. If I would like to indulge in any of that, I would ever so surely be moved out of it, because it falls on deaf ears. It is probably a good thing too, since it would be so tempting to sink into that at times. For me it would fall on deaf ears. I am quite sure at times all of them have gathered together and talked about their worry in my regard, but they don't show that to me, very much. Now they have all moved on and are not spending time stressing about me. Maybe it is because I put out such an I'm Okay vibration. I don't know if I always feel it, but most days I put my best foot forward. On the days when I can't I keep it low key. I spend the day doing what I need to do, to feel better. I hasten to say that I have had lots of those days in the past couple of years, but I really don't have anyone but my sisters here to talk to. We are the only ones who really know what it feels like.
Also, for some reason whenever I get to feeling bad about my situation, something comes in my path that reminds me that someone else has it much worse. Your DM's words are very wise. My mother was the type that would say "Buck up Cookie". She was a tough broad, from early on. So surprised that she didn't live to be 100!! I didn't like hearing that from her at times, but it did snap me back to the present, as I was feeling a bit frustrated with that approach when I really needed a hug!!
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Brookside my breast was swollen as well as the tissue around it. My BC breast was actually larger than my good breast! Initially my MO treated it as cellulitis. Of course that didn't help as I had LE. My breast surgeon confirmed it and he got me into an LE therapist very quickly. The massage helped so much. I also got fitted for the sleeves and gauntlets and special bras. It flares up and I have to keep up with the massage.
Sew.....you are truly an inspiration to so many here. I too love to try to greet and help anyone new. I remember too how we all sort of showed up here. It was new to all of us and we survived. I try very hard not to worry about cancer. I hope I can help just one person through these difficult frightening times. We are survivors, yes, and we are blessed to have made so many friends here along the way.
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Gigil, your post makes me chuckle. My mother always said, as her mother had said to her, "If you want to see sympathy, look it up in the dictionary." We've never been a very demonstrative family. I put on such a good show of being just fine while recovering from surgery and rads and all, that my children made all these plans for me to organize my house, have a garage sale, and so forth. I had to actually tell them that I didn't have the energy. THey were surprised. Need to learn how to appear helpless!
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Brookside, I also need to learn that! My kids started asking me to babysit two kids at once. The youngest was two, a boy and a little ball of fire. They were actually surprised when I said I was not up to it. I find it difficult to say no when grand kids are involved. I have had to learn to say no a lot lately. That is a tough one for a family who has always depended on me to be there, suited up and ready to roll!
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Brookside and Gigi I do want to clarify--I don't want to minimize anyone's feelings or needs! My DD the elder had a rough time of it, and went through a couple years of therapy in a residential treatment environment. When I try to cheer her, or tell her to move forward she responds "Just let me feel it for a moment Mom. Then I'll deal with it."
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SAB. I completely agree we all have to deal with this in our own time frame, just like we all move through the different stages of grief in different ways. Even in my own situation, I deal with some things pretty well, and other things take a lot more work.
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RunFree - Just read your post about the sadness after rads. Yes I had it too and I am ashamed to say it continues sometimes. I also have a fear of it returning. I guess when I was fighting it with the double surgery and rads I was in the now. I gave everything I had which was hard considering my life the last 5 years. My boyfriend was around to help and I just seemed to handle it ok. People would say" wow you look great and your attitude is so upbeat." I have to say I really thought I was superwoman. I slept well and ate well and concentrated on helping my skin heal. A week after I was done my boyfriend went back to Ca and I was home alone. I started to have those weak moments that turned into weak days. That is when it hit me that I was not fighting a cold or some new autoimmune disease but CANCER. Winter set in and I found myself depressed.
So I think it is normal to have these thoughts. I have recently gone back to my shrink and am trying to work out those feelings. You have a real good support team with family and friends and that can really make a difference. I am sure you will be fine it just takes time.
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Kate - Thanks for the support but it is nothing compared to what you are going through. You are sicker because that chemo is really fighting those nasty cells now. Cancer is a mean mother but it can not compare to the chemo. Rest when you can and hopefully this will get a little better.
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I have yet to find a counselor. I think it would help at times, but I do not even know who to look for. Psychiatrist? Psychologist? MSW? I do not know how to reach out for that. My biggest problem? Panic attacks! Not fun. They come with no warning, and hit with a vengeance!
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Agoraphobia and panic attacks. That is mine. Like my house will protect me from anything. Get a psychologist I would think. That is who I have. I found mine through someone else telling me about her. Your insurance co may have a list of people they accept also.
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I flirt with Agoraphobia too! Wouldn't you know? I have gotten good at working past that, but SOME DAYS!
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Psychologist, I agree. If you need meds s/he will send you on over to a psychiatrist, or tell you to access them through your pcp.
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I woke up in a panic last night. Wild dreams really throw me into a panic attack. It is always when my guard is down. Psychologist sounds like a plan.
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Thanks Bunkie,
I am finally feeling a little better today.I've had a rough 8 days. As for counselor's I see a social worker. Social workers are less money than a psychologist, and they are just as adequate. It is a question of finding the right fit. You may have to interview a few until you find the right one. I love my social worker
xoxo,
Kate
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Thanks Kate! Good to hear you are feeling better. I was worried about you!
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There you are Kate!! I was worried too. I know it has been a tuff time with this one. At least your leg is getting better. I am going to have a donut for you tomorrow. Duncan is on the way to our little health food store. i am going out there about 10 miles just for Almond Milk Ice creme.
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Sounds good Bunkie, I am at the donut shop now. Kelly is cooking me dinner tonight. Spicy Mango salad with chicken I think. Thanks for uoir support and Gigil's too. Gigil my son and his wife are both social workers and they are great therapists. I think you should look into a social worker first
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Kate I am happy to hear you are feeling well enough to get out. Your dinner sounds wonderful! You know that I have fresh lemon cake balls ready for you at all times. They are my favorite too.
I wonder a lot about whether or not I should get some sort of therapy. I am pretty stoic but did agree to an anti depressant some time back. Sometimes the funk just lingers for awhile. I try my best to stay hopeful and positive. I have had a rough few years. I can relate to you Bunkie with a major move. We moved here three years ago for my DH's. health. We only chose this area because it had a somewhat similar climate and housing is very cheap. It is so difficult to be so far from my family. I have so little left and it hurts. I am used to moving, all my life I have had to relocate and it is hard when you get established somewhere then have to leave. I have really had a tough time adjusting to Idaho. I just feel so detached from it, I can't seem to bond if that makes sense. A year after moving I got my BC diagnosis and that was a blow. I had so little support here and that made it tough.
On a happier note I just made a pretty floral arrangement from flowers in my garden. That cheers me! We are having a terrible time with aphids here this year. AWFUL. They are in all of our trees and plants and flowers. Because we have dogs I hate using chemicals. Yesterday we went to a store and got several thousand live ladybugs. They eat aphids. We split them up all over the property but we need more. Hopefully we do well at our garage sale and we'll go buy some more. I feel so much better doing a natural treatment. I have lost two cherished dogs to cancer and it scares me to death. Seriously, I worry more about mine getting cancer than a return for me! I have become very neurotic lately when it comes to my furkids!
Sorry to go on and on. I have read all the recent posts and realize everyone here has struggles. Gigil I get panic attacks as well. They are so bad. I hope you can find someone who can help you for yours.
I saw my surgeon today and I have to have yet another block in my neck...a series of very painful injections. The first set I had a few weeks ago and it was so painful. It took a long time and left me pretty bruised. Now they have to repeat it to make sure that they are blocking the right nerves. If I get relief from this next set of injections then they can do the ablation and kill the nerves completely. When i had this set of injections a few weeks ago, they didn't give me anything to relax me. I asked the nurse about it and she said they need you alert so you can accurately track your pain. I understand no pain meds, but had not heard that. The procedure was very very painful and stressful. When I told the doctor today that I dreaded another series of the same injections, he asked me why the valium didn't help. Huh? I told him exactly what the nurse told me and he said NO, he knows how difficult this procedure is and he always orders valium for the patient. Epic failure on their part for sure! He said that he will definitely make sure that it is ordered and if they don't do it to ask. I sure will. It is painful and stressful all at once. I am happy to know at least they will give me something to relax. That cold turkey procedure was NOT good.
We'll be up at the crack of dark getting the rest of this garage sale going. We have the garage pretty crammed and we have to get tables set up on the driveway and get things put out. I know it will be a long weekend, hoping we sell a lot of stuff. It has been a ton of work prepping for this sale. I will be a very happy camper Saturday night for sure. Done!
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Gigil, I’d run it by your onc. Either he or she can prescribe something for you (mine did), or refer a therapist whose practice has a focus on breast cancer, or both. When I found a month after rads that I still was exhausted, could not concentrate, and was beginning to have flashes of what can only have been panic attacks, I contacted my onc, who prescribed a low dose of celexa, which treats anxiety, depression, and PTSD. PCP’s prescribe this stuff all the time, so no need for a psychiatrist, who usually handles more sophisticated chemical reactions. Why did I contact my onc? I felt my symptoms were part of the cancer “experience” and it was my job to be sure he knew how I was feeling, and his job to fix it. Also, as a former Long Islander (down there you can’t hold your head up if you don’t have a shrink of some sort), I’ve been through so many therapists, both good and bad, that I was pretty sure that this time, I needed to do more than just talk about my feelings. As it turned out, it was a good call.
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