Radiation recovery
Comments
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Off topic for sure, but dd the younger, with her big intellect and super test scores just got 3 incompletes (the school is working with us to avoid Fs) and a D in English, which means Summer school and tutors. I am just so frustrated and tired of fighting...she just can't seem to complete work. Now DH and I are contemplating taking away her school trip to Costa Rica that she has been looking forward to for months. I am going to wait until after Father's Day to dig into this. Stress city here I come. Argh.
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Janis, I can't believe they would overlook something as major as giving you Valium for that procedure! At least next time you will have something to take the edge off.
I really don't know how a person can be so knocked off their feet, like we all have been and not need some therapy. To top it off life keeps throwing us curve balls! Just when we need a break and for things to go better, we don't always get that break. It has to be so hard for you to be so far away from your support system..
Kate, my youngest sister is a MSW and I am the one who always has to counsel her. I am sure she is good with other people's problems, but some days I wonder how. I guess we could say that about any professional though. They each have a personal life and human weaknesses.0 -
Kate, so glad to hear from you. Like some of the others, I was getting worried. Your dinner sounds delectable, and I sure hope you have a wonderful weekend.
Janis, how awful about the valium. Didn't that doctor notice that you were in agony? Perhaps you were too brave? Please squawk if it hurts. Maybe give that nurse a pinch as you pass her by?
RunFree, the all-nighter is supposed to be the party, not the prep. Please be sure to save oodles of energy for whooping it up.
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SAB you have to be so frustrated. My first instinct is to say not to take the trip away. Maybe there is a way to use the trip as a positive for her. It is possible that a change of pace will put her in the right frame of mind to apply herself to get those Incompletes taken care of. It sounds like although she has a brilliant mind, she is having trouble with focus. Any way to hire a tutor to walk her through getting this done? She may need an educational specialist to figure out the best methods for her to use to gain the ability to focus and tackle tasks. You could let her know you have considered taking the trip, but you decided to let her have it as long as she promises to do all you advise in regard to her incompletes. Just some suggestions. My daughter lacked focus in high school, although she was very bright. She grew out of it eventually, but it took her 5 years to graduate college. She ended up with a good GPA. I always tried to use positive motivation. It was a challenge!
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Brookside, ha-ha on the pinch,
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SAB. Re-read your post. Summer school might be punishment enough, and tutors are in the plan. If it doesn't conflict with the the trip, use the trip as leverage. No summer off for dd it sounds like.
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SAB, none of my business, of course, but if your DD is having a tough time concentrating on school, have you considered that maybe the Costa Rica class trip will mature, energize, and redirect her? I've seen this in my son (Peru) and heard it from other parents (China) as well. Also, if the trip includes visiting a really, really poverty stricken area, exploring its dynamics with her group can be a powerful and irreplaceable experience developing sensitivity and empathy.
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Brookside I too have been through many therapists. In the beginning I just wanted to talk and not do the required work. Now that I do the work I find it so enlightening. When I get down I always have something to fall back on. I do not think this requires a therapist who specializes in breast cancer. My therapist does not specialize in cancer at all, and she is wonderful. It requires a good therapist that teaches you how to get rid of your negative thoughts etc
xoxo,
Kate
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Janis,
I think a good therapist would be enlightening for you. and help you so much.
A floral arrangment to cheer you up is wonderful
Sorry that you have to endure more injections, and I hope your garage sale is a huge success.
xoxo,
Kate
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Kate, I agree that the most important thing about a therapist is a good fit, and that a focus on breast cancer patients, or graduates, or whatever we call ourselves, is certainly not necessary. The reason I mentioned that in my post for Gigil and others in this difficult post BC world is that if BC is the straw that breaks the camel's back, so to speak, it might just be a good idea to start there, and to seek out a therapist who is specifically trained in "there." Anyway, I've been to so many generalists, that if I were to pick a new person, that's where I would want to start.
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Gigil,
My son and daughter-in-law are both MSW's. and they are so well adjusted. No way they would need counseling. Maybe it is not the right field for her or maybe she takes it home with her, and that is depressing. My son had to learn how to not take it home with him when he was counseling children.
xoxo,
Kate
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Sab, I agree with the others regarding not taking the trip away. I think it will make matters worse.
xoxo,
Kate
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Janis, here's to the garage sale of the year! And, when you get more lady bugs, be sure to out them out in the evening after dark. They don't fly at night so will stay in your yard happily. Just a tip I learned not 3 weeks ago.
Brookside(?). My LE was tender, sore, and hard as a sausage. I think you could be aggravating it with exercise which is too intense. My LE PT has started me on exercises and stretching and she insists I have to go slowly or I'll aggravate my LE. Whenever I change from 10 reps to 20 reps I'm to stay at that level for 3 weeks etc. so....once again here we are at baby steps.
Kate, glad you're feeling better. Dinner sounds wonderful especially with a donut for dessert.
Sab....you've got a tough call with this one. Hard to tell what to do with these kids isn't it? Have you tried getting her to figure out what she should do about it? If she's like my kids she wouldn't know what to do, but there's always hope she'll offer the best solution. There's always another hurdle isn't there? Good luck. Let us know how you work this one out.......
Joan....you there? Got more grandkids this week? Figured out what to do with your extra night off? Have you even finished up with last semester?
Run Free, the idea behind your thank-you party is NOT to do yourself in, but rather to thank the people that got you thru treatment. They want you to be relaxed and happy, not totally exhausted. That said, I bet it feels great to get all this cleaning and sprucing up done. Have a great party....0 -
Kate, my sis is very good with other people's problems. She is a single mom of three daughters and just never figured out how to be the leader of the pack. Consequently her daughters run the show and they always have,
Brookside, I saw a psychologist right away right at the breast cancer center. She referred me to a psychiatrist and I didn't follow through. I think she figured I needed meds. I didn't follow through with that. I had Xanax from my pcp, and I took half doses, when I needed them. I didn't want to get used to a new medication. I felt weird enough, already. Now I think I should go back to the original therapist. I think I have the presence of mind to work on this now. If not her, someone like her. She made the mistake of asking me if I had thyroid cancer, because she said I had a "whiskey voice". Not what I needed to hear at that point. I was dealing with bc and that just freaked me out!0 -
I was wondering about Joan too! Joan miss you.,
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Brookside, on a happier note, the tenderness in my breast has decreased, and I've just grown used toit, it doesn't bother me at all anymore.
Gigi, bunkie and Janis, I had panic attacks and agoraphobia years ago, and I did recover, using a book-feel the fear and do it anyway. Since bc I've had anxiety and depression, slowly getting better. My psychologist is great, he practices cognitive behavioral therapy, and it's working.0 -
Interesting point, Gigil, I've been so shell shocked that I don't think I have it in me to "give" enough for a therapist to help. Similarly, I doubt that I'm open enough to benefit. Guess I made the right decision when I went for the med!
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Brook side, I am like you, in that I don't think I am open enough. Susannah, I have been reading about CBT. I really feel I need that and would benefit from it. From the research, that is what works. I read a book a long time ago called Hope and Help for Your Nerves by Dr. Claire Weekes. It was written decades ago, and really was the start of what I understand CBT to be. I need to find a therapist that works with that.
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I have had good and bad experiences with therapy, but as a whole have benefitted greatly from the outlet. I do agree that it is important to have a very good fit.
Janis, I'm sorry that I was so self-absorbed. I am upset that you had to endure pain and trauma unecessarily. Where on earth did that nurse get her information? Was she making this up as she went along? On a happier note I hope your garage sale was a huge success!
Brookside, Kate and Sew, I have been chewing on this, and I am drafting a behavioral/work contract for dd. It will have both rewards and/or consequences for deadlines that I have spread out over the summer. I will ask her to sign it and commit to it as a condition for going on the trip. And yes, the trip does include a service aspect, painting a school building in an impoverished area. I hope it wakes her up a bit. Thank you for your input.
Kate, I'm glad you are continuing to have progress.
RunFree, have a great party. I'm throwing back a glass of wine in your honor tonight.
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Hi y'all
Just finished doing a fast run through the closets and garage for items not used/worn in the past few years...even set-out a few hold on to items....1st suit, last outfit my mom bought me, dress to sons wedding...someone will luv the stuff from Nordstrom ...classic cuts...why do we hold on so tight....memories.
Janis wish I could set out for your yard sell:D. Good Luck! And call if you do not get RX for V before procedure! No all natural ever again. Hope it works!
Yes, AntiCancer book is good!
Kate - sorry you have felt so crummy these past few days, but chemo is hammering those bad c cells. Yeah, for donut shop dinners:)
GiGil - a cognitive therapist may help with panic attacks. I concur about informing your MO...needs to know what is going on...no meds or HT, but still it's all part of your tx and response. Insurance should cover. Nasty Nasty PTSD...:(
Bunkie - health food ice cream...yummmm:)
SAB - like the new kayak pic with hubby! Can't wait until I feel strong enough to hit the lake:)
RunFree - ThankYou Party will be fun:). And I agree that just preparing for it begins back memories...overwhelming...thankfulness...gratitude...humility...wow. Yes, understand how emotional the days leading up to the party would be.
Those moments just sneak up and pow tears...so thankful:)
Think we all agree this journey changes us all...hopeful to bring out our bests and pay it forward:D
At the gym today a woman came up...7yr survivor and assured me that life would get easier ... Guess my dragon kicking tattoo compression sleeve and the light weights were a give away that I'm fighting my way back to normal at the gym! Ha! Afraid of LE and RO/BS said to wear so proudly ill wear and fight! Took a tai chi class today whoa...did I look uncoordinated or what...hope I can check it out on utube. Lol
Today was nice...no drama...a good day!
(((Hugs)))
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Gigi,I read Claire weeks years ago too, it helped. I think there are lists of cbt trained therapists on line. It really has helped me, much more than the therapist I had years ago.
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SAB - like the idea of the contract. I'm a firm believer that everyone who is able should participate is a 3rd world service project...it is life changing...especially for teens.
Ive been on several trips and witnessed the impact on all of us blessed enough to be able to travel and give for a few days. We received so much more than we were ever able to give. Yes, life changing.
Best Wishes I think girls may be harder than boys...
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Sab, I like that solution. The trick will be to get her to make and mark her own calendar and be responsible for the "due dates". I've got the feeling that's the toughest part for her...not the work but rather loosing track of when it's due....
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Hi everyone,
Janis, was it you that said you had taken a break from arimidex and then gone back on it? I was off for 6 weeks and really felt the difference, but my MO wants me to try it again. She says sometimes the se's go away after a break. I have enough pills left for a 2 week retrial. I believe that med really affects my mood. I just get so uninterested in life. I see a MH provider (psychologist). I shopped around and after 3 tries found one I really like. She just helps me talk through issues. I keep getting a feeling that I am "crazy" and am "making up" all these aches and pains. She assures me that she knows "crazy" and I'm not it.
I picked up my hearing instruments (read aids) today. What a difference! I can hear the rain drops falling, the dog's toe nails as she walks down the hall, but the smoke alarms that went off while I was "cooking" dinner were excruciating!! Another change to adjust to.
sab, both my kids had trouble in school. (a boy and a girl) The best thing I think I did for them was to be present and pay attention. They had to work out their own ways of coping with deadlines and assignments. My son had a teaching assistant that helped him learn to organize and how to study. So stick with it. It might mean you giving up part of your summer, too. (to be "there" for her) By the way my dyslectic son is now doing a master's program in Military History. (my DD dropped out of college after 2 years and is a waitress and loving it out in CO.)
Kate, I'm glad you are getting thru the treatments. hang in there!
Sew, I think the water aerobics is helping my hands and hips feel less achey. It is such a social activity for me, too. I am trying to fill my life with things that are good for me. I am so much better at taking care of others than myself. I am so sorry for your loss. Losing the people that we share so many memories with is heartrending.
gigil, susannah, run, cindy and brooks, we've got each other and we got today!!!
I have a button pinned to a ribbon on my dresser that says
"If you are not happy today, what day are you waiting for?"
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Mac, that is a good one!! I am going to remember that. "If you are not happy today, what day are you waiting for?" Excellent.
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Susannah, I will check it out online and see who I can find.
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Mac, love the quote.
Gigi, good!0 -
SAB, iI'm glad you're working out a formula for success for your daughter. If she is not succeeding in school, she probably does not feel real good about herself right now and needs some real positive feedback and success. The trip will allow her to succeed, and succeed well, at something far more important that a particular exam. With so many of us turning to psychotherapy and medication, and with all the treatments and fears we're all dealing with, it occurs to me to ask whether you think that maybe her concern for you is keeping her from concentrating? I know when my mother was diagnosed with cancer (not BC), my very first thought every morning for the ten years she was with us was, "My mother has cancer." Frankly, for a very long time, it was all I could think of. I didn't realize at the time how much it impacted me, but it huge. I had just graduated from college, but if I were still there, balancing her cancer, my fears and concerns and what her treatments, not to mention the disease, were doing to her, against "History of English Literature, Part II," c'mon, where would my focus have been? One of my shrinks said something about one of my challenges that I'll never forget, "If you could, you would." Similarly, perhaps something neither you nor she can quite put your finger on is blocking her. I would recommend that she be the driving force in designing the scholarship plan, so that she is comfortable with her goals, and confident in her ability to accomplish them, and would also maybe consult with a special education teacher. Please position the trip as a sign of your love and trust, rather than a disciplinary tool. Yes, I very much hear your concern for her and her future, but it just does not sound like discipline is the key here. She is brilliant, after all, and when she can, she will.
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Brookside, loving advice, thank you. Dd was tested several years ago, but finally diagnosed with pervasive developmental disorder and given a 504 plan in the second half of this year (she was an honor student until then.) She is having serious self-esteem issues, has thrown out all of her college material and just stopped working. She refused regular therapy, but we do have therapeutic camp for her this summer, and then volunteer work at the same camp, so that's something. I have drafted some dates for her to review and discuss, and will make changes if they are reasonable. (In her final "contract" am also rewarding her for turning work in early and making deadlines.)
I do think our bc affects our kids, but in our family it was my elder dd who showed it. In her art she depicted frightening images of my mother and I, nude, wearing only our ailments with her and her sister desperately hanging on to us. Powerful, scary, disturbing stuff. If you ever want to know what she is thinking you just have to leaf through her art. In some ways that's easier (but harder to look at.)
Mac, I love that quote too. I'm going to try to start practicing it today. I hope your retrial goes well for you!
Cindy, I like your pic too! You look great.
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SAB it breaks my heart hearing about your older DD's artwork. It is so difficult to look into her psyche like that. It takes what you are going through and increases it exponentially! My son, granddaughter and ex-daughter in law are all artists. My XDIL was diagnosed with bc same time as I was. She had a double MX and reconstruction. She is only 46! She seems younger. My granddaughter who was in college went through hell dealing with both of our situations. She became very clingy toward both of us, and almost dropped out for a year. She has always been an honor student! Luckily she persevered and just graduated. She is doing much better emotionally as well. Your younger DD might just not have the artistic outlet or might not understand what is happening to her emotionally. It could just be coming out as scattered, non productive activity. My GS has the same diagnosis. He is only 10 but he is in summer school every summer. I feel bad for him, but it is necessary.
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