Any October 2011 Surgeries out there want to wait together?
Comments
-
Mr and Mrs Clams: congrats to you both for making it through the day. Sending healing thoughts to the Mrs.
Mardibra - I'm so sorry to hear about all your losses and I can only imagine how you must be worrying for your Mom. I'm happy to ask my therapist if she has any suggestions for how to structure your conversation. She's wonderful and i value her advice if your interested. My 2 cents is that I'm worried your Mom might feel more hurt if she found out at some later time because I'm sure she loves you so much and will want to be there for you in any way she can. I'll be thinking of you.0 -
Dukes-up - just wanted to share that our 10 year old son has really handled the news well. We decided to tell him right away. We called him in to sit with us and he got one look at our faces and started apologizing...he was sure he was in trouble for something...he was so relieved he wasn't in trouble! The one thing I did do before talking with him was I went on the american cancer society site and they had some suggestions for talking with your kids. Basically it was reassure them that they didnt cause it and that they couldn't catch it. Those we're things I wouldn't have thought to mention. Otherwise, we gave him kind of the minimum info since he's pretty young. He actually asked really thoughtful questions like would it come back and would it go somewhere else in my body.
That was 2 weeks ago and tonight was the first time I noticed him out-of- sorts (nearly cried when I told him what was for dinner....well, that does make my DH cry but not usually the kids!). I just told him we are al feeling kind of mixed up right now. He's not usually one to do much talking but he seemed to perk up after that.
I wish I could offer more than support and encouragement. Good luck. I do think that our kids surprise us sometimes...in the good ways!0 -
Well I got a call from the PS yesterday. My BMX has been bumped up to October 13th versus the 26th. I am not sure how I feel about that. I guess I had kinda gone back to living my life and not thinking about breast cancer 24/7....even took the horses on a wonderful ride in a state park on Saturday, which was so relaxing.
So now, I am gathering up my pj's, baby wipes, travel pillow and trying to get organized...ugh...back to anxiety.
0 -
Good to hear from you Mr Clams and so glad to hear your wife is doing well-hang in there.
To all those anticipating telling family/friends/kids, gosh I feel so bad for you guys. I remember how that felt. Thankfully my kids did so much better than I anticipated and have continued to do the same through out all of this. Was very open and honest with them about everything and thus I think they felt more in control. We always talked about it, surgerys, chemo, TE's, they've heard it all and feel comfortable with it now so it doesn't seem as scarey to them. Telling my parents was hard, with no family history they didn't exspect their 39 yr old daughter to come in and say, "I have cancer". My dad who is a military man had the hardest time cause this was something he just couldn't fix, and he can fix anything. We all found our way though and have done better than I every anticipated.
Hang in there ladies, I know right now you can't get your heads around how this is every going to be alright again, but it will, just hang onto that faith.
0 -
Hey guys, Hope everyone doing okay tonight. I should change my name to denial because It still hasn't sunk in yet that I'm days away from major surgery. Hope I don't have a last minute melt-down.
Dukes-up, I had to tell my son while he's at college and I think it helped that I was very matter of fact with him (no crying). Told him my game plan, surgery, etc.. Explained that I'm in no immediate danger from breast cancer, that my main goal was to do everything in my power to keep it from returning. He hit the internet himself after that and except for reading all the "wonderful" things that go along with Chemo, I think it helped him process it all.
Clams - I hope your wife has a much better day tomorrow and I hope you get some good sleep in her room tonight.
We're on the countdown to October, can't believe there are five of us on the 4th. I'll be thinking about each and everyone of you this month.
0 -
Many thanks for all the advice. Danadane - I'm interested! Oddly enough I think I'm more concerned about telling my Mom than I am about having cancer. At least at this point anyway. Sigh.
0 -
Dukes Up--
I totally understand your reluctance to have the big conversation. At times, I wish I had never told my kids (as if I could actually get away with never telling them...). My daughter is struggling. She never wants to be away from me. When we do talk about it, she seems to feel better. She needs lots of reassurance. But really, I think that having told her 3 weeks before the surgery was a good decision. She has her melt downs, and then we talk. I have learned what her specific concerns are, and helped her with them. One thing I have found really helpful for her is giving her a sense of control. Every time I give her a job, she seems to feel better. (She will be making the jello I eat in the hospital, she will come to the hospital to retrieve me and help us pack and she has been helping me find clothing that will camouflage the fact that I will be wearing a prosthetic on the left).
More relevant to your situation my be how it has all unfolded with my soon-to-be 11 year old son. He had some immediate concerns (what were we doing to ensure that it would not spread and appearance). Once I reassured him on those two fronts, he seemed fine. Every night or so, he would ask some more questions. He has sought me out more often for a hug and checks on me from time to time (like to make sure I am still there), but has been able to accept my reassurances that as far as we know, I will be fine and if I learn something new, he will know (no secrets).
The truth is that it all sucks. I don't want any of this and they don't want any of this. But, the truth is that we got this. I feel that I've done the right thing by not waiting until the last minute to talk to them. This is in part true because if things get worse (they find cancer in a node, say), they will already be in the know about it all. Last year, I told them everything and it was only ADH and I had only an excision. That whole conversation last year gave them a context for understanding this year.
I don't know what the right thing is to do. It is probably different for everyone. But that is how things have played out here...
0 -
mardibra-It sucks but actually that probably is helping you deal with the BC thing. We as women are always more concerned for others than we are ourselves. Just hang in there, but remember to keep your own self in mind-this is the one time that you really do have to be selfish and concentrate on you. A very good friend gave me a piece of advice right after I was dx-she said "Now is the time in your life when you have to cut out all the cancer in your life, friends/family/stress, anything that isn't positive." Good luck.
clams-hope your wife has a good day today.
So tom. is Oct and we are on our way. Hang tight ladies, we will get through all this together.
0 -
rk85... I love your take on how this impacts our children. I hope that my children are learning strength and dignity from this experience (rather than simply the impulse to fall apart over the least little chore). I have learned for myself that the hardest of times in my life have all left me a stronger better person and that in some ways they are exactly what life is all about. However, I also find it very hard to remember that my children are also going to be left stronger and better. I just want to protect them from all of it. Always. I want to hand them a perfect world and it makes me so sad when I can't. So thank you for the reminder.:)
0 -
Clams...
I am glad you got to stay with Mrs. Clams last night. I hope today is easier than yesterday. Thinking of you both...:)
0 -
Mardibra...
I am so sorry for all the loss you and your mother have had. I can see how it is very important to approach that conversation very carefully. I did a really bad job telling all of the grownups in my life (my husband and best friend are the only ones), so I have no experience with this. But my impulse is to offer this one bit of advice to consider... control. Everyone I have encountered wants certainty in all this. Since we can't get that, control has to do. So many folks have offered me help and really want to be able to, right down to my daughter. When I can give them something to do to help, they seem to feel better. So...my little bit of advice is that maybe your mother will cope better with the news if you can make her feel she has something to offer to help and therefore have some control over the situation...
I wish you the best of luck with this very difficult part of this cancer thing. Damn, I wish we didn't have to do all of this.
0 -
Well, I'm trying to get myself prepared for surgery ... I have a hair appointment today to get my hair cut into a short bob and my hair is very long; however, it will be easier for me to wash and style and it's going to fall out anyway during chemo
My mother is making sure I start packing, since I'm procrastinating and still in denial somewhat. What would I do without her? My mother and son are going to be with me during surgery. I can relate to all the stories about telling our children (and family)... my son was so upset by the news that he distanced himself from me for a while ... I think he started the grieving process (thinking I wasn't going to live for long) ... but, after I explained to him that I had no plans of leaving this earthly plane anytime soon, he realized that I'm going to fight this and be here for years to come ... now, he's being very supportive ... it just really scared him that he was going to lose his mother ... breaks my heart just thinking about what this diagnosis does to our families ... hugs to everyone!
Trinity
0 -
trinity... Really, packing, already, so soon??
Maybe when I pack (12 hours before surgery), I will pretend I am going to the French Coast of the Mediterranean... I might need a stiff drink to get the clothes in that bag... Good luck with the hair cut and the packing... I hope you can throw something fun into your day and weekend... 0 -
Also, my mother had a stage 3 colon cancer, and when she was first diagnosed she shed a few tears initially, but was a fighter throughout the rest of the journey ... the doctors gave her six months to live, and she's a walking miracle ... and, the fact that doctors don't always have the answers ... miracles happen every day!!! ... she's about six years out from her diagnosis and has been cancer-free ever since her chemo treatments ... she's been realeased from her doctor's care as well ... I just wish I had half the strength and determination she has... she's a remarkable woman, and has been a great source of inspiration for me ... but, admittedly, I've been having meltdowns whereas she didn't ... I need to dig deep within myself right now to get the courage to walk this walk ... I have to ... what other choice do I have? And, I want to be here for my family for many years to come ...
HUGS TO ALL!
Trinity
0 -
CLC - too funny! LOL I'm having surgery on Monday ... and, yes, I started packing! May wonders never cease!
And, good luck with your packing as well ... wonderful idea about trying to fantasize about going to some exotic location ...
0 -
Trinity - I'm having my hair cut too. Think of all the money we'll be saving on hair products!
0 -
Hello all, have very little time to write as my DD & boyfriend are here from London (they live there), and apart from checking out the forum I'm also cooking dinner, so this'll be quick. October list seems to be growing super fast, but I'm still alone for the 5th (sigh
). It all seems very unreal, so I'm really glad Ito be so busy this weekend, and then occasionally I get a kind of fast forward to next Wednesday, and then promptly shut it out as i want to enjoy Petra (DD)..haven't seen her since last March.Quick word re hair..having had neo-adjuvant chemotherapy (someone asked why that happens.. most TNBC women have chemo before their op rather than after...these tumours are more aggressive and aren't treated with Tamoxifen or Herceptin), I can tell you that as long as you are prepared, going bald isn't as bad as I'd thought. I took my other DD and my neice to help me choose a wig, and I really feel good wearing it..a different colour and style, and very real..my hair is already growing...so by Xmas I should be able to forget the wig and scarves altogether..and Yes Danadane you really save on hair products...as well as hairdressers, and dyes if you do dye your hair!!! In fact, apart from the price of the wig, I haven't spent a cent on my hair since March!!!
Haven't started packing yet..2 days is all it'll be, so I'm not planning to take much..I'd rather dream about an exotic location...it'll be Thailand for me I think.. positive thoughts to all of you..have a restful weekend, sleep well, and speak soon
0 -
Day 2 post BMX. Mrs Clams is still unhappy, sore and tired, but things are moving along. All by 1:30 today:
-the catheter came out of her bladdder
-switched from morphine drip to oral percocet - provides steady relief instead of only 10 minutes when you remember to push the button.
-ate real food for lunch
-got up and walked a lap around the hospital floor (used a walker and exhausted when done, but a big accomplishment nonetheless)
Plus the docs are all happy with how she is doing. I even caught a glimpse of the new boobs and they seem to be sized and shaped pretty much like the originals. Pretty good considering they're still newborns! Oh... almost forgot - today at 5:00pm is the 48 hour mark, which means the hourly flap checks will become every four hours, and that means SLEEP for everyone tonight! Tomorrow the kiddos will come for a morning visit.
Bottom line, October girls, is this: it ain't fun or easy but if you're tough and determined you can do this!
0 -
clams-you are such a good guy and I'm so glad to hear your wife is moving along through the tough first few days. Keep up the good work.
Tinity-your nuts,pack-heck I may start doing that sometime around Sun night. I think I'm just trying to pretend that I don't actually have to stay at the hospital. I've worked in hospitals my whole life, spend enough time sleeping in them on call so I'm advocating that in a nurses case we should not have to spend anymore time in the hospital than we already have-maybe they can set up a cot outside for me?
Hope everyone had a good day and a fab or atleast stressfree wkend.
0 -
Toenail update. I saw the podiatrist today. I haven't seen much drainage at all since it began 2 days ago, so hoped all was fine, and it is -- or at least won't interfere with getting surgery next week. No infection, just lifting of the nails (which will continue), possibly a result of fungus combined with chemo. He cut away half the nail that had already lifted and part of the other big toenail, and they don't 't look so bad -- rough skin, but nothing red. I can soak my toes in Domeboro or epsom salt solution, but even that is optional. PS had already alerted BS to say I had an infection, which was never the case! BS office called me just now to find out what the podiatrist said! See, even toenails can cause a panic when surgery is coming up! While I had the BS office on the phone, I asked about whether I need to know anything else before surgery -- do I get labs? Oh yeah, labs on Monday (they hadn't been ordered!) and I confirmed I can get them done at the cancer center through my port.
Lots of hair talk on here today! Mine is coming in too white, with some dark strands mixed in, It's probably been this way, but I have colored it for a few years. When is it safe to color it post-chemo, and what kind of dye is good to use? Any ingredients to avoid? Is coloring generally prohibited through recovery from surgery and during rads? My DH isn't ready for my now natural color, and neither am I.
0 -
I woke up this AM thinking, "Is tomorrow really October? . . .How is this happening so fast?" Let's gear up and get the fight taken one step further!
Clams - so glad to hear sleep is in the cards! Give her our collective energy and support . . . we are cheering for her!
Maria_Malta - Enjoy the DD this weekend! Take a deep breath and know that you are not alone - we are ALL here for you. . . .
Trinity - Enjoy the hair appt! It's all good. . .I'm proud of you for packing . . . you got your mojo going . . .
Dukes - I'm voting for you to be our post surgery exercise monitor - we are all going to need that!
Survivor 11 - I'm voting for you to be our daily inspirational thought . . . you're very good at it.
As for me - I feel like I'm on a reality show. My 2 year old has been diagnosed with Strep Throat today. . .the other two are on antibiotics with different forms of upper respiratory crud . . .and my DH had a colonoscopy today. . . . hahahaha . . . and I'm trying to prep and not meltdown. . . hahaha . . .come on! Where are the hidden cameras? If this surgery gets postponed because I get sick. . . .arrrggghhh. . . .
0 -
Ann. Good news about your toes.
Maria-Malta and Ann. Congrats on the hair growth. I am almost 5 weeks PFC and have no growth yet. I am anxiously a waiting it.
I. Will be thinking of all of you tomorrow while I walk in the Susan G Komen race for a cure.
Meet with the breast surgeon today and we are good to go Tues. Ugh. I am both nerves and ready to get on with it.
Have a good weekend ladies. Survivor11 and trinity--enjoy your weekend and good luck with surgery Mon.0 -
Ann - great news on the toes! I was wondering . . . . keep moving forward!
0 -
Survivor11 - your're absolutely right about me being "nuts" ... but, not related to the packing ... LOL ... when the mood hit me to pack, I thought I better start or it might never get done ... if I waited just a few hours before it was time to leave, I would probably be going in my PJs with maybe a toothbrush and bottle of wine in hand ...
I'm actually leaving early Sunday morning and going out of town for my surgery ... I have to be at the hospital at 5:30 AM Monday ... so my family and I are staying overnight in a hotel ...
however, I fully understand how you feel about being in hospitals, since you're a nurse ... I'm sure you probably have a different perspective on all of this than some of us ...
Goodnight all! Hope everyone gets a good night's sleep!
HUGS!
Trinity
0 -
Hello October people, Can you believe it's tomorrow. I'm still in denial, haven't started packing yet. Trying to finish painting my bathroom. I started the project when I needed to take my mind off my diagnosis that first weekend. Removed wallpaper, primed and now doing venetian plaster. I had no idea how time consuming that really was. Hope to finish sometime tomorrow then maybe I'll pack.
Survivor11 and Trinity I'll be thinking about you on Monday. You guys are the first.
Clams, hope you get some good sleep tonight. How long will Mrs. Clams have to stay in the hospital?
Getting harder to sleep again as the date gets closer. If I let myself think about it too much I get a panic attack. That's why I'm up posting at midnight. My son is doing the Susan G. Komen in Lubbock tomorrow. I'm so proud of him, he raised over $800 in a week's time.
0 -
I'm a little late to the party, but am scheduled for Tuesday the 4th - finished neo-adjuvant chemo August 15, was originally scheduled for surgery earlier this month but now we're on for Tuesday. So, here's hoping (sounds strange but I want to get this over with already!) that Tuesday goes off without a hitch...
All the best to all of you in this fight.
0 -
I am a member of the September mastectomy group- I wanted to wish you ladies well and have a remarkable recovery!
0 -
Up at 4am! Can't sleep. I hope you are all doing ok. For those of you having surgery in the next week, I will be praying for you. So hard to be so tired, but not being able to sleep! UGH!
0 -
Hello ladies. . . . Thinking of you all this Saturday morning in between pancakes and melting down a little myself.
Trinity - How's the hair? Lots of prayers going out to you and Survivor11 this weekend . . .
Slgarcia - Keep meaning to tell you - I am scheduled for Noon EST on 10/10 (lucky day baby! 10/10!) so I *think* I am a little before you . . . believe me I'll be praying for you and looking for a hand to hold virtually in the process!
Margie - Hope the walk is inspiring today . . . you're phenomenal to do this. . .
Judy67 - you should be very proud of your son. What a tribute.
Welcome to October, sisters . . .
0 -
Wow. . .just reviewed our published list and realized we have 13 total next week. . . . here's to smooth sailing and no surprises for ALL of you! I'll be using this list as one huge prayer request for all you. . . . keep the faith and keep up the fight!
0
