February 2012 Chemo
Comments
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I so sorry to hear we're all going through a rough time.
fldreamer- I too lost my front tooth from chemo. I've been wearing this god awful retainer for months. My only option other than this is a dental implant. Some of my back teeth are weak and I would need 6 implants. I've been to three dentists on prices and its about $20,000. Are you kidding? I'm still paying off my medical bills and my last name isnt Trump!
Aside from that I quit my job yesterday. Spur of the moment but I feel it was the right thing. They swithced me from my office setting to the hospital. I would have to punch in at 8AM and it takes me almost two hours to get to work. I would be on my feet all day. My health benifits would also be changing and I would have to pay more. After cancer your views really change. I need money, but I dont want to kill myself any longer doing it. I joined a wonderful breast cancer center today to volunteer on their hot line. Its a 5 week training program and I'm looking forward to it. Hopefully I will find work closer to home.
Ali- I'm so sorry to hear about your mood. The tamoxifen did the same to me pretty bad. I was snapping at everyone and feeling like I was going to jump out of my skin. It did subside after a few weeks. Could you possibly stay on the tamoxifen and maybe take an anti anxiety medication?
My onc wants me to have a colonoscopy next month. More fun to look forward to. Anyone have one yet? If so how bad is it?
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MLB i have to say that schatzie said it well!
whoo hoo on the job gf!
fldreamer i too have cataracts started as well as my macular degenration--it was suggested to wait til i am done with all of my tx before i go to the eye doc--so i am hoping to go soon....i know that my sight is not what it should be ...hoping just new lenses but fear the cataract surgery in my future as well....
dipad--big hugs to you girl!!!!sometimes you have to walk away!
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I'm 44 years old.
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MLB - so sorry to read about your mother. What a rough year you have had. Congrats on the new job; that's stress too though but hopefully it will be good in the long run.
Sorry I am behind, I usually try to respond to most posts directly but I was offline for a few days between being busy and my laptop dying. The computer shop was not able to recover my hard drive so I will have to rewrite a paper. But the weird thing is, I don't care too much. I just feel like, I have so much to do, one more thing doesn't really matter. I also got some nasty sinus crud that is going around work. I am tired and feel miserable.
I am supposed to start rads on Monday, which I am not happy about, but because of that I get to go off of tamoxifen for now, which suits me fine. Ali my mood stinks too; I alternate between being super depressed, and mildly homicidal. I am not sure if it is from the tamoxifen, or from the UMX. But I'm sure the tamoxifen makes it worse. However I spoke to my insurance company today and it is still in review, but they are not 100% sure they are even going to approve rads. The nurse I spoke with said she is probably going to have to have it reviewed by their physician. I'm like, well I got two opinions and they both recommended rads, so I'm pretty sure I need it, but whatever. We'll see what happens.
DH is on board with my hiring someone to help with the housekeeping. I just can't keep up with it and it's only going to get worse during rads.
Susan, good luck with the BMX + recon! When are you scheduled?
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Thanks everyone for the kind words. Yeah, what a year! For all of us though. I'm really looking forward to the new job though and the regular pay. That alone releives stress.
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mlb- paycheck and purpose ...i have found both of those to be quite cathartic with my job!
christina sorry about the paper that you have to redo...weird tho that you can just add it to your list and not stress- i would...
so many of us on overload...example- cannot believe it's friday yet super excited that it is- however i know that means i have time for two days to do a gazillion tasks at home- check with me on monday to see if i actually did two of them! haha i am already thinking of jammie time and cuddling with "the girls" (cat and dog) and just chillin.....
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This cold is killing me. I guess it can't be too bad because I just spent the last 15 minutes doing a YouTube tutorial on how to dance Gangham Style. lol I called RO office to find out if they got insurance approval for rads to start on Monday and left a message at 2:30pm...they never called me back. Lovely. I'm not real keen on starting without knowing my insurance is going to pay for this... Also I can feel my mood improving without the tamoxifen. Right now I am not real keen on restarting it after rads. Is there any way of knowing how much of a difference it will make? I mean, I had chemo + a mastectomy for pete's sake.
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OH MY GOODNESS...i finally was able to see the EOB's for what my insurance has paid from aug 4 til sept 10.....let's say taht i need to find two more jobs and i'm not done ....tho i thank God for the state medicaid paying for my chemo and my lx !!holy crud--if i had not gotten my job and insurance (which WAS my goal remember!!!) i could have stayed on teh state medicaid and had everything paid in full for 5 years- stupid me! i wanted to live the American dream!!!
all in all--it will be ok - i will just have to "make arrangements to pay"!!!needless to say we are NOT talking about this issue at home- would send sweetie into a total out of control spiral.....
gosh i'm glad it's the weekend.....
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Margo
What's EOB?0 -
sorry-Explanation of Benefits
the American Ins companies use this term to explain what they did or did not pay and why..also how much the original charge is vs what the dr or hospital (etc) agreed to accept as payment and then what the patient's responsibility is afterward.
this is all just from the ins company-has nothing to do with the BILL that will then come from the provider!
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lumpy - have you gotten billed yet? Usually for me, the amount the EOB says is my responsibility is WAY more than what I am actually billed for. Healthcare in the U.S. is a joke; it does make more sense to stay on Medicaid for healthcare, rather than work, which is sad.
I'm secretly hoping that when I go for rads on Monday, they don't have insurance approval and I won't have to do it. Is that bad?
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DH and I went for a meal on Saturday which was good. Great food, music, magician and lots of bubbly.
I'm feeling better in my head can't tell you how bad I was. Not so good news is my long lost mother want to visit me in two weeks.
Not seen her in 13 years and none of her children talk to her or see her.
She was the kind of woman that put herself and any man before her children. I had a terrible childhood and it didn't get better till I was 30 and told her to leave me alone.
She called and said I want to see you and I know I can't visit the house so can we meet in town.
I was taken aback and I just couldn't bring myself to say no and be horrible.
All the family and my sister are mad at me but this could be the last time I see her. I'm thinking do I want her to die and me not make my peace with her.
My DH says she will ask you for money again and you will end up upset again. So I had a shit mother, never knew my father not sure my mother can remember who it was. 1st step dad( who turned out to be a child molester who did terrible things to my sisters only daughter. ( my mother knew what kind of man he was ) she left me at weekends with this monster but I don't remember him doing anything to me.
2nd step dad was better but he was just as bad, we never got on and my mother was always fighting with him. In between all this she gave me away to an aunt to look after then she put me in a children's home for a while. I still remember the kids being horrible to me and being trapped in a basket.
She never sent us to school and we all got behind and never mixed well. My sister and I went to night school but my two brothers were so fucked up they didn't bother.
She calls my house but if I don't answer she hangs up, she never sends or asks about my kids.
So I don't know what to do?0 -
ali...boy what a dilemma...personally, if she could stay away all these years and only sees you to ask for money, I think perhaps your family is right. She brought it on herself. You have had enough issues without getting upset again. Things are finally beginning to look up for you. Perhaps at a later date you can see her but I think right now is too soon. Just my opinion of course, but YOUR health and welfare are what are important at this stage.
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Ali that is a tough situation.
Part of me says, just be done with the stress and cut her out of your life completely. Life is too short for one-side relationships with emotional leeches. I do not speak to my mother's parents for this reason; if you are not their emotional slaves then they will cut you down (to your face and behind your back), ignore you for months, etc etc. It bugs a couple of my aunts (two of their daughters) that I do not have a relationship with them, but I don't lose any sleep over it. I cherish the relationships I have with the rest of my family. Don't feel like you are being horrible if you decide to not meet with her. This is a consequence of the poor choices SHE has made, not you.
But the other part of me says, meet with her, and know that you are a strong woman who is perfectly entitled and SHOULD say NO to anything ridiculous she asks: to borrow money, to be around your kids, whatever boundaries you feel are appropriate. You might even feel better in the long run if you can have a visit with her and maybe she wants to apologize, make peace. But if you go and she just plays the same games that she always has, I would flat out tell her you were hesitant to meet with her because you worried she might do this, and here she goes playing her same old games. Then I would leave. I also wonder, if you do meet with her, would you feel stronger with your husband present, or a trusted friend? Someone who isn't as emotionally involved (like a sibling) but can support and encourage you if you start to get distressed.
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Oh, Ali, what a bad mother you had. Never doubt it. She made the bad choices, you were a child who should have been protected from those consequences of her bad choices. I am sorry you weren't. If you feel strong enough to meet with her, do it, but on your terms. Like Christina said, if she asks for money and starts playing her game, you can make sure you have the crisis center phone number handy and you can hand that to her and tell her she can get the help she needs there. You can then walk away with your head held high. If she actually apologized, well, then, accept, tell her thank you for that but you don't want anymore contact unless initiated by you. And walk away with your head held high. Just a suggestion, but similar to something I and other relatives went through. Know that you ARE loved, and that one person's failure at life, has NOT made you a failure, quite obviously the opposite! Feel free to do what you need to do, and remember that advice is worth what you pay for it! Lol Much love.
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Christina, that was the perfect response. my dad is similar and I'very had to deal with similar issues with the cancer. wish I'd gotten this advice when i first had.to deal with him.
mlb, so sorry about your mom and.congrats on the job0 -
Ali
So sorry to hear about your dilemma with your Mom. You know that old saying though "you can't pick your family". Do what makes you comfortable not what anyone else thinks you should do.0 -
I don't want radiation.... tomorrow is my first treatment. But I don't think it's been approved by insurance, at least not yet, so I have a feeling I'm not starting tomorrow. I am really not wanting to do this. Everyone is telling me I should though...I felt the same way with chemo, not wanting to do it, and that turned out fine. ugh... I just don't want to do it. I feel really good about the chemo + mastectomy + herceptin. And I don't want to go on the tamoxifen again. My mood is SO much better without it, even with this sinus cold I have.
I need to have a heart to heart with my onc.
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Christina
Can't say that I blame you on the RADS. I think at some point it feels TX overload. I'm appalled though that you don't even know if your insurance will cover you yet. Unbeleivable. For what its worth I've read a lot here that most say RADS is easy in comparison to chemo.0 -
christina...my experience with rads is that i truly did not want it and now i am almost done! it's just a nuisance however i feel good knowing taht i have done what i can to protect myself for future....that being said i am trying to figure out how to get out of tamoxifen/femara--my MO wants me on femara and i have been reading about it vs tamoxifen...i just don't see it as a good thing for me - bone density is enough of an issue with gastric bypass patients...and there are otehr things...
anyhow- rads really isn't bad...
ali---you alone can decide what to do about mom...and you are the one who will suffer any possible regrets later.....i have chosen to not even talk to my mom right now- i miss her but i cannot deal with the stress....sorry- this is about you- not me!
now- about me- my eldest son texted yesterday that he needed to talk to me...oh my...he was in tears when i got there...his wife (of one year but gf for 10+) wants a divorce...he is just beside himself and i am at a loss to help him....i have offered a few suggestions but he has to do what he thinks is right --i will stand by him no matter what he chooses --then there are their two lil ones- i must say that there is growth in my son that he wanted me there...gosh i just feel so helpless.....i've always wanted to "fix" things for my kids however i do NOT want to meddle!
did not sleep well at all last nite and was awke at 4...
on a positive- i start my rads this week 15 mins earlier (8:15 am) mon thru thurs and then friday til done start at 8 am so my work schedule is getting close to being "normal" !
thanks folks for being here......
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margo I am sorry to hear about your son's situation. Divorce is terrible to go through, and I can't imagine going through it with kids. Is there any chance of reconcilliation?
I started rads. I was hoping insurance would deny it but nope, approved for 33 treatments. I was bummed but it went okay. The RO spent a lot of time chatting with me in the waiting room. I was happy at the end because they are going to let me use stickers throughout treatment instead of doing tattoos. I really did not want the tattoos so that was great news.
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Christina, glad it went well!
Lumps, sucks when your kids are in pain. All you can do is be there for them.0 -
We are getting less active here, aren't we?
I plan on continuing to check in, but if we all stop checking in, I just want to thank you all for helping me get through this. I honestly don't know how I could have coped with chemo and the early days after diagnosis without all you wonderful ladies & firstcall. You are all wonderful, beautiful people and I am so grateful to have found you.
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Christina, the feeling is mutual! Couldn't have made it without everyone. I still have this on my favorites. I do. Hang out on the what did you have for dinner thread, and the 2012 sisters. Also arimidex. Probably be on that one for five years! LOL. Take care of yourself.
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I for one will keep this thread on my fav's. It helped so much when we were all in the same boat pretty nuch at the same time. Its really been my go to since February.
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Hello all! Sorry I haven't checked in for a long time. I have been catching up on the posts periodically but just haven't had time to post myself. With my kids starting the school year at a new school plus work just being crazy busy (I work in the world of politics so its been a frenzy of activity), my days just fly by and I'm exhausted in the evenings. Things have now settled down so I'm finally getting some quiet time.
This thread is still in my favorites list as well and I will continue to check in from time to time. I am sorry to hear about the troubles many of you are still having, whether it be continuing issues with chemo/radiation and subsequent side effects or family problems. Glad to see that everyone is still so helpful to each other.
I've actually been doing pretty well. My energy is finally coming back to the point that I'm running again as well as doing other physical activities pretty consistently. The brain is still not quite back to normal yet, but I don't seem to be as scrambled anymore and the memory is getting better. My hair is growing in very quickly - I've actually had to have it trimmed twice already so it keeps a nice shape. Fortunately for me, the tamoxifen hasn't caused any mood issues. My biggest problems with it have been the hot flashes and that I just can't seem to lose any weight! Ah well, these are just things I have to live with.
The next big step is my reconstruction surgery which is scheduled for November 9. I'm going forward with the DIEP flap procedure (sorry to hear that you can't have it Gritgirl) - I'm both excited and scared. I'm trying to get back into good physical shape in hopes that it will help the recovery process. It will be a good to get that out of the way!
Well, not much to add this time (too much for me to try to address!!) - just wanted to drop in and say hi!
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I'm still checking in too, and I really hope this thread doesn't go away any time soon--it was a life saver in many ways to be able to reach out to people who got it, so to speak.
I'm running in a 5k this weekend. I did it last year, and really wanted to do it this year. I'm not in anything like race shape, but should be able to shuffle.
Christina, how are the rads going?
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I don't have anything close to my past strength back, but doing better. Spraining my ankle a month or so ago set me back a bit. I had bought some resistance bands and used those for a moment but stopped. Instead got very depressed. Hope to get back to it soon. I can't even imagine running a 5 k race. I'd be lucky to amble one, Hildy.
BMX with immediate reconstruction is on November 6. Doing my best to build up as much strength as I can before then so I'm not set back even further. Plus, feeling sadness about the coming numbness to my breasts. I liked being able to feel my breasts. Sigh. Well, better numb than dead, I've been saying.
I was telling a friend that whenever I talk about my breast cancer, people will say, "Oh, I should get checked." Then they'll say "Best of luck to you." She was saying I'm a Lifetime Movie of Breast Cancer Awareness. Even though I'll be dealing with this for the rest of my days, I'm hoping to get to the point where I have less need to talk about it. I mainly talk about in my AA meetings because that's where I'm supposed to be able to talk about it. But it goes to show you that even if someone has been through hell with an addiction does not make them real sensitive about dealing with a chronic illness like this. Ptooey on 'em I say. Ptooey.
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Grit, I do miss my breasts. But I don't miss the cancer. Coming on close to a year. After all the Damn detours I've had on this journey, I.still would do it again. I will pray that all goes well for you in surgery and healing is quick.
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susan--some folks just do NOT GET IT that it CAN happen to anyone--so we NEED to be lifetime movies about awareness...... it's more real more genuine if it comes from someone they know vs media.....
tho i find i am trying really hard not talking about it so much ...i am almost done with my active tx tho where you are still deep in the throes....oh gosh don't take that the wrong way......
sending friday hugs to you and all on this board!
i am in "boost" stage of rads and i have 6 more to go--i will do two on weds next week so i finish on friday - then femara.....
btw i am changing primary docs since mine seems to be so far behind the times on issue sthat i feel are pertinent-the allergy thing was the kicker! i still haven't had follow up with allergist so i am not eatingthe things that i love!
brother in law is fading.
rainy cold ucky here in northern ohio...
hugs! prayers!
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