February 2012 Chemo
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Time warp - awesome!
MLB - wow, it had not occurred to me that we are coming up to our 1 year-mark for all we have been through. I had my mammo in early December, which is just around the corner.
Yes, totally normal for people with dementia to fixate. If she is happy spending time in the washroom, that's okay. There's no sense in stressing over it, as long as she is happy and safe. I would avoid medication just to calm her down unless she truly seems anxious, depressed, etc. There are usually (although not always) non-pharmacudical options. Keeping to a routine is very helpful... do they have the Alzheimer's Association in Canada? If so I would check them out. They are a wonderful resource for caregivers. And they help with all forms of dementia, not just Alzheimers.Susan - that is great news, that you don't have to do a SLN biopsy! So many side effects that could come up from messing with those precious lymph nodes.
So I had something weird happen today, maybe someone here can help me process it. At the cancer center this morning, they had a breakfast for breast cancer survivors. Survivors were encouraged to come and to bring a friend that supported them through it all. I thought that was lovely but I don't have time to go. I run in for radiation, and then I run out to go to work. Well I ran in this morning like normal, and I saw all these women sitting at tables, eating, laughing... it was so upsetting to me! I felt angry, sad, just a lot of negative emotions all at once. I was so worried about it during radiation that I tried to figure out if there was a different exit I could use, so I would not have to see it on my way out. I cannot figure out why it was so upsetting to me. I knew I definitely did not want to be a part of it. Do you think I'm still in some sort of denial about my situation? I am really surprised I felt so upset seeing this.
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Christina. maybe it's because you're still in the middle of this? i think for me the breakfast would have bummed me out because this will never be over for me so it wouldn't have fit for me. i can only imagine going in for radiation and seeing all throse women laughing like it'd been some kind of laughing experience, when you're still in the midst of it
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Susan, that makes sense to me. I am just not in the same place those other women are perhaps. Thanks for thinking about that for me. I thought about you today. There was some cancer magazine in the radiation waiting room and they featured a woman who was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer TEN years ago and she is still doing great. Amazing! You keep fighting this!
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hi- been awhile since i have checked in
susan thank you for posting that wonderful article.i have saved it to share
last weekend we did the family photos-OMG they are awesome; sunday was daughter's open house at her new home- monday met with my new primary-liked him alot -tuesday to work- ON TIME! and by 1115 i was punched out on on my way to the ER; thought i was having heart attack..long story short- sent me home thursday after cardic stress test, echo cardiagram, CAT scan of lungs, heart monitor muchos blood draws etc etc...seems i have indigestion and heartburn i never had before RADs.... missed 2.5 days of work plus hospital bills..ouch! and scared poo-less....
tonite spoke with sis in law--david has declined quickly- hospice saying minimum 2 weeks - on morphine for comfort-hospital bed in the house since thursday- doesn't know ppl..jaundiced....very sad..but she is accepting it and admitting it will crush her...
of course my sweetie (david's brother) is fretting money again- for cripes sake- i give up.
so- that's me in a nutshell.
hugs and prayers
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Geeze. Lumpy! Enough already! Hon, you are in my prayers, so is your DH, BIL and family. Not like your life has been stress free this year, is it? Deep breaths and keep on trucking! Much love.
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OMG Margo, that must have been so scary, to think you might be having a heart attack! So glad it was "just" heartburn! So glad the family photos turned out well, and you have a new PCP that you like.
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oh it WAS scary-very very scary---i am using it as a continuation of a baseline in my moving fwd healthwise and with my upcoming femara...this "indigestion" is really just so MUCH gas....i am not a burper/belcher so it is strange...
i go to MO tomorrow and i figure he'll start me out on that right quick.
i have to say thank God for my health insurance thru work tho--it has truly been a journey these past few months- can ya believe i have been on the job for over 5 months!?!
tomorrow nite i am going to look at cars-have no clue if i can get financed but i am gonna try--that way we will have more reliable transport to make the trip back to wisconsin...
btw i left out on BIL info-he has had no food or drink since at least this past thursday- how long can a body go? no IV"s either-just the two morphine patches...SIL (his sister not wife) said last nite maybe he'll rally back to his former self...( i think she was trying to convince herself) --i am not a dr but i know the body shuts down with no intake after a while- just don't know how long....firstcall?
had a great day with my daughter-shopping- now to get ready for monday work....hugs to all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
does anyone do facebook?
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why is it i always write a book?????
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Lumpy. you sure have been through it lately. i am just so sorry for all that's been hitting you. it's been crazy here. so many i know also dealing with new cancer diagnosis. this stuff sucks. i'm praying for calmer times for us all
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Lumpy, lol at your comment about 'writing a book.' You're not the only one. I do it too. I think it's because we're comfortable on here baring our soul, our thoughts, our concerns, etc. That speaks for the camaraderie, friendship and acceptance we all feel on here. Write away, anytime. I, for one, read every word everyone posts. So sorry about your health scare. Glad there was no cardiac issue but I understand the indigestion aspect. you may have GERD, which is gastroesophageal reflux disease. Very painful and scary. Only a specialist can truly diagnose with an endoscopy. Hope that isn't necessary. IF you're told to take special meds, take them faithfully to avoid further problems.
It's really sad about your bil. I've known two people recently who went on hospice care and stopped feeding, etc. It was about two weeks each for the body to finally shut down totally and the end to come. Very sad for all. Perhaps your DH focuses on the money cause he can't handle focusing on the end of his brother's life. Also, with the illness your DH has, I think he has his own troubled insights to things. I'm sure it's hard to be patient with that. My heart goes out to you for all you're gone thru. Take care and hang in there. Hugs to you!
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lumpynme- yes, the body shuts down without hydration and nutrition. How long it will take depends on many things, the hydration is the thing that will matter the most. Its likely to be measured in days, but can be a week or two, depending on many things. And a watched pot takes a long time to boil. Hopefully he is being kept comfortable.
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Margo
How scary. Hope the doctor can give you something so that doesn't happen again. ((Hugs)) for your BIL.
Turned the big 50 today! Not complaining mind you LOL! After this year I'm happy to be on the right side of the green.0 -
MLB - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
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Happy Birthday MLB!
Hello everyone, I apologize for disappearing for so long. I admit I did sneak on and keep up with this board alone, but not the others. I have kept you all in my thoughts and prayers, never forgotten.
I dont know if I can explain my absence, but if anyone can understand I know you all maybe can. After my surgery in June, then recovery in July I started back to work full time. I also found out I was not a recommendation for radiation. At this point, I was pretty much turned loose. I see my surgeon once every 3 months, my onc once a month although i still go in weekly for my herceptin. I found myself in a depression that I couldnt understand or explain. I was supposedly cancer free now. But I had no idea how to get on with my life. So I threw myself back into everything I used to do BC (before Cancer) If I had to come up with an analogy, I played ostrich. I burried my head in the sand and tried to pretend that this whole cancer thing wasnt real. In order to do that I tried to ignore anything to do with it. I avoided all support groups, disliked talking about it with anyone, and tried to forget everything. While I am slowly coming to grips with it...I realize that trying to forget the past doesnt change the past.
So I ask your forgiveness for leaving for awhile, and for your patience as I learn to figure out how to start my new life that isnt filled with fear or depression.
Wishing everyone warn sunshine!
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Jen - that makes perfect sense....I found myself withdrawing from things too. I think that is part of why we are drawn to each other, there is understanding here. I appreciate this group, and I think people here get it.
I have an appt with my MO this week. Its been about 4 months since I've been in. I have hair now - think they'll recognize me?
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MLB - happy birthday :-)
Firstcall ..I swear they have some computer program that helps them recognize us..lol. I went from long blonde hair to jet black short..and they pegged me at reception...go figure?0 -
Happy birthday, mlb
Jen we all want to forget this
lumpy, i do Facebook. you can search my email gritgirl at dcacces.net0 -
And aem, your hair looks.great
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AEM, your hair is cute! Mine just won't DO anything! Some curls on the tips, some sticks straight out, and some lays flat. I wear my hats if I have to go out, unless I feel strong.
Happy Birthday, MLB!
Lumps, ((((hugs))))). Men crab about money cause they can't talk about feelings. Tough time coming up for all of you. Praying for you all.
Jen, we do understand. None of us knows how to handle being turned loose. So what ever it takes to get you through the day.
To all, much love.0 -
MLB: Happy Birthday! Hope the year ahead is better than the one just finished! Hugs!
Jen: I disappeared too for a while. It makes perfect sense. I, too, really don't want to talk about the cancer anymore. If someone asks me, I just want to say 'go away."
Lumpy: I'm thinking of you and your DH and his brother. Keeping all of them in my prayers. And you as well.
ALL: My diagnostic mammogram last year was Nov 2nd. This year, my mammogram on the remaining breast is scheduled for Nov 8th. I dread it. If it weren't for my previous heart surgery and three stents, I would have had a DMX and wish now I had done it anyway. I don't know if I could go thru all this again if something were to be wrong with the remaining breast.
For all of us, this will never be truly 'over.' It's like when horrible things happen to people and everyone refers to 'closure.' There is no closure. No over. There is just a new day and a new way to view things. We'll all make it thru this the best we can cause that's all we can do. I'm not trying to be gloomy. That isn't my intent at all.
I still grieve for my missing breast, my health, my future, my budget. I see the positives too but the grief will ebb and flow, just like the ocean waves. I lost my dearest brother in a massive car accident in 1993 at Thanksgiving time. Especially at this time of the year, the grief can return totally unexpectedly...just like it was yesterday. And that's how our cancer experience will be. At times, it will overwhelm us and at other times, it will not.
Hugs to all of you.
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Karen, will keep you in my prayers, especially on Nov. 8. Much love.
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"For all of us, this will never be truly 'over.' It's like when horrible things happen to people and everyone refers to 'closure.' There is no closure. No over. There is just a new day and a new way to view things. We'll all make it thru this the best we can cause that's all we can do. I'm not trying to be gloomy. That isn't my intent at all."
Karen-i love this! you have summarized this cancer crap so well! big hugs!
MLB; happy day!!!!! whoooo hooooo ...aside from my stint with cancer i think my 50's have been my best years since ..well...17 !!!!
firstcall;thx for jumping in...i thought about two weeks...he is receiving no hydration to my knowledge- just his two morphine patches...we wait and pray for his comfort....i am trying to mentally prepare my sweetie and also to get some of the trip packing done so when we do have to go it's not such a mad rush since the drive takes so long....
met with my MO yesterday- i don't have lotsof time on here right now to tell all of my feelings about it but i was a lil put off- he gave me samples of Arimidex and a scrip -says that it's "the same" as Femara which he had touted so much in July...from my readin it is not the same and i had a hard enuff time coming to grips with the femara--but i'll try it...i go back in 6 weeks-
ok- i grew up believing if a dr says do something you do it..but i am getting about dr appt'd out! follow ups here and here and here i am starting to wonder when i get to work! between mine and sweeties...ok thx for listening to my gripe!
~~~i have to tell you that yesterday i had a bit of a meltdown..well ..a crash..at work --one of the things i do is enter date of death on accounts when presented with a death certificate-it's just a "file maintenance" part of my job ...anyhow yesterday was the second man in two weeks whose cause of death was listed as metastic pancreatic cancer (which is what BIL has) and i lost it....i took my ear buds out and laid the death cert down and said right out loud "i don't know if i can do this anymore"....sat back and took a few deep breaths and went back to work--this guy was only 55;david is almost 72...not that age makes a difference...it's just that it's hitting too close to home right now....and i am trying hard not to dwell~~~
last nite after work i went to a local car dealership and tried to get rid of my pieceofcrap car and get into something newer/more reliable....almost made it! they wanted more down than i was able and still my car payment would have been double what i am paying now- i am bummed but i made the right choice to walk away--the payment would have been very difficult and i know that it is just not the right time--however-to turn a bright side to this i know that i "could " have been financed on my own again so i am making some progress in the financial dept!i'm thinking maybe at tax time?
ok- hugs and prayers- gotta get scooting to get the trash to the curb and get to work....btw it was 75 here yesterday and absolutely gorgeous!!!! you?
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BIL passed almost an hour ago. He was in great pain at the end but surrounded by family. He is at peace now.
I have no details about funeral etc --was very difficult to call my sweetie to tell him this by phone but could NOT wait til i get home tonite.
so..i'm praying for strength for my sister in law.
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Lumpy...so sorry for your loss. I am sure you will be a great source of comfort to your DH and Sister In Law.
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Margo
So sorry for the loss of your BIL. At the very least he's no longer in pain. (((HUGS)))
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MLB, I am so, so sorry. Your family has been through so much in the last year.
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Lumpy. Margo.
So sorry for your loss. I agree you will be a source of comfort during this time. Remember to take care of yourself. Hugs.0 -
Mmargo, so sorry to hear about your BIL. Deepest sympathy to you and your DH, and family.
My MIL suffered two strokes today, she is also septic. As she is over 90 and in failing health, the family has decided not to treat. I am heading up to Watoma WI, after my chemo rehab session today. So if I am not on the boards, you know why. Much love to all. It autocorrected to much life to all! And I wish that too, LOL.0 -
Monica, safe travels. My prayers are with you all.
Susan
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Oh Moonflower. So sorry about your mom. Safe travels. Praying for you too.
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