February 2012 Chemo
Comments
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Hello all! Have not been on much. My mother-in-law is still in critical condition in the ICU. I have made the hard decision to cancel my recon consult for Monday. I hate to do it; this woman had a 4 month wait list last time I called. But we are trying to be with MIL as much as possible, and if she does pass away, I won't have time to go to the consult anyway. I hate to complain about it, it sounds so selfish, but I am disappointed.
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Firstcall
Sounds like you have a really good handle on the LE. Certainly important to have a PT that is certified. When I was attending excercise sessions at our local Wellness centre, the PTs that ran the program didn't have alot of knowledge on the subject which was a little off putting and scared me from continueing with that program. Even though it was a lovely warm place mostly run by volunteers, it didn't click with me. I found alot of women there that had BC that I spoke to were not activley involved in there TX. While I know it helped them being among people in a similar situation for sure, it wasn't the same as talking to people here at all.
I had a call from my TX centre yesterday asking if I could reschedule my next herceptin TX from the 27th of December to the 24th. I suppose alot of staff have booked that time off between Christmas and New Years. I couldn't accomadate though. I'lll be manning the office alone that morning as my boss wll be away There is only us 2. The person on the end of the phone sounded a little annoyed and said "well you'll likely be waiting longer than usual for TX then!". Good lord, they made the original appointment didn't they? Anyway, the last place I really want to be Christmas Eve is in the chemo area thank you.
I love my TX centre, but the one thing I find is that they don't have a sense of other peoples schedules for work or business. They've switched me from Thursdays from Fridays which is fine and I've never ever rescheduled an appointment on my end. I once asked one of the nurses if they ever thought about evening or weekend TX. She looked at me like I had 2 heads LOL! Oh well, 3 to go and 1 more SYMA.
Tomorrow is exactly one year from my MX surgery. I was thinking about on this day last year how I was running around like a whirling dirvish trying to accomplish so much to prepare and how freaked out I was truly. The following day when I was home from hospital I joined BC.org. The bright spot is it brought me to know all of you!!
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Christina , I can understand how you feel anyone would feel the same. I'm having to look after DH parents because the dad has blood clots on lungs. After going to hospital apt's with them this is the out come.
You are important as well and you need to remember that.
Love and hugs to everyone
Forgot, I'm having first mamo next Monday and having check-up for my poorly arm.0 -
Christina
We must have been posting at the same time! How long is the appointment? Is it near the hospital where your MIL is? You're obiviously a very caring DIL but Ali is right, you have to take care of yourself too. 4 months is along time to reschedule.
Its so hard seeing our parents/inlaws ill. I was up to see my Mum last night and God love her. She's lucid for the most part but then has bouts of outbursts. She sometimes thinks everyone is my Dad (he passed in 1986) and she will reach out and ask him to take her with him. Breaks my heart.
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Christina, my MIL passed away last week, her funeral was last weekend. It is hard. She had been in hospice since last month. If the place your MIL is in is too far, then you had to cancel. But, please take care of yourself, you are important too. I actually knew my MIL for longer than I knew my own mom! My mom passed almost 20 years ago. I was 39. We are married 39 years, so its a bit longer. We were close, and I miss her. Prayers that you all have strength to get through this. Much love.
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Christina: I am just so, so sorry. So many bad things in one year.
Prayers and hugs are with you.
Susan
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Christina. Sorry for all that you are going through. Hugs and prayers.
Moonflower. Bless your heart. So sorry for your MIL's passing. That must be incredibly difficult for you. Hugs and prayers your way too.0 -
Today was very stressful.
Went with DH parents to see gp, he asked to speak to me. He said my father-in-law was not going to live for long and they would need help. I asked if he could get some help with washing him as grandma was doing it. She is not well and can't cope with everything.
I told grandma to get a cleaner, gardener and home help.
Took them home and they both cried in each other's arms, it was so sad.
Also took my youngest daughter to the doc's, she has a bad back and needs help with the stress of my cancer.
I did take her and DH to see the Hobit which was fun.
I feel so sad for the children and adults who were shot today in USA,what a waste of life.
Life can be very good and very bad! How do we cope with all these problems.0 -
Hey all,
Got home today, had right side MX yesterday. Boy what a difference it makes when they don't mess around with the nodes! I have drains, but don't even need pain meds other than Tylenol.
I can't even turn out the TV today, the news out of Connecticut is just so upsetting. 20 little children. God.
DH doesnt have a job yet, not looking good.
Ah well.
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Hildy, so glad your ok and not in too much pain.
What does your DH do?
Could he do something else or would he want too.0 -
Ali, I hope today is less stressful for you. I'm looking forward to seeing the Hobbit; everyone I know who has seen it has said they enjoyed it.
Hildy, that is fabulous that you are not in more pain! Wow!
I ended up keeping my reconstruction consult for Monday. MIL is relatively stable, although still in ICU. I found a girlfriend who is willing to go with me, which is great, I really did not want to drive so far by myself. DH can just go to work that day (he has missed so much work because of MIL being ill) but if MIL's condition changes, he will be free and available to go to the hospital to be with her. I'm really looking forward to this consult.
With all that is going on, Christmas is on the backburner. We have no time to even think about decorating. Our house is filthy! I'm planning on getting a couple of hours of cleaning in before heading to the hospital to sit with MIL and BIL. DH had to run out of town to pick up a new washing machine; ours died last Sunday. Busy Busy! I forget what it is like to be bored.
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Christina, wow you are busy, and pulled in many directions right now. I am glad you are keeping the appt.
Hildy, I am keeping my fingers crossed for your DH.
Ali, yeah, life is weird that way. Up and down. Like my MIL funeral was last Sat, my daughter got engaged on Sun, and is graduating today from nursing school. My son is now 6 months out of work..he has degrees in Chemistry, bio Chem, biology and psychology. Ah well, UPS and downs. LOL take care.
and I am praying for all the families in CT, no one should have to go through that. Those little ones were just babies. So sad.
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Ali, he's a project manager at a financial service company. He'll get something, I was just whining. Plus I'll start looking for a fulltime job too, as soon as I'm done recovering--I'm a freelancer at present because it works better for the family, but we might as well both be looking as one person. Congrats on your daughter's engagement, Moonflower! How very exciting!
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Hildy
Happy to hear your surgury went well. Yay for not messing with nodes too, I'm sure it makes a HUGE difference. Once those drains are out there will be no stopping you! Fingers crossed that your DH finds something in his line of work.
Ali
Prayers to you and your family with the sad news about your FIL. Sounds like your the rock in the family for sure.
Christina
Thats great you kept your appointment. Christmas is what you make of it anyway. Spot clean and mabey order in? Kind of what we did last year. Was only 2 weeks after surgury, I think I still had drains in? It was an inlaw year and mine were away. So we went to a friends place and ordered Indian LOL!
This year is weird too. We know its my Moms last Christmas so we're spending the afternoon at her residence, then over to my Brother's for a pot luck dinner. My MIL is driving me a little mad saying well if you're Mom's feeling OK why don't you come here. Sorry no, its a 2 hour drive north usually in crappy weather AND she expects us Christmas eve and to stay until boxing day. Nuts. He's going though. Works for me. I want to go to church this year and never make it when we go there. No one believes in going to church and I always went to Midnight Mass my whole life. I need a more spiritual Christmas this year.
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Ok. I say we all virtually get together and back some flipping Christmas cookies. We all need a break.
Btw, my doctor just told me my last scan showed I'm stable (not sure if I said that or not). And I just booked myself on a cruise to Bermuda, with trip insurance of course.
Of course now that it's calmer, I'm starting to break down a bit. That's how I roll. Get through the crisis and then break down. This has been a sucky one. Maybe a good old session of jello wrestling would help.
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Hey Susan, that trip sounds like so much fun. Something to dream about.
I too fall apart after the crisis. I get through it, and then loose it. But the key is WE GET THROUGH IT. that's the whole thing. Much love.0 -
Susan aka Gritgirl,
Stable!! Hurrah! Doing virtual cartwheels for you. Never was able to do the real ones ;-).
You will have a marvelous time on your cruise! What fun!
Understand the emotions after all the stuff too. And you have Souch to handle and get through.
Hugs!
Diana0 -
Have got back from check-up. Had two mamo's and two ultra sounds. They found two spots on right breast and had to check on lymph nodes. Omg, I felt sick but I'm ok.
What a terrible feeling thinking it's back!!!!!0 -
Omg Ali, how frightening! So you got the all clear in the end, right? That's the freaking last thing you need! How are your daughter and FIL doing?
And gritgirl, stable is big! I'd be planning a cruise, too!
Love the idea of a virtual cookie swap--I can contribute all sorts of german cookies from my dad's side of the family...
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ali, i'm so glad all is well.
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Are you kidding me - I'm losing my damn eyelashes AGAIN !!! This is ridiculous -it's my 3rd time... will it ever end ?
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Ali - oh my sweet thing - that must have been frightening. Did you mean after they examined it all, that they gave you an all clear? Hopi g so.
AEM - I have just had my 3rd lash departure. But I only lost them all the first time when I was into about 2-3 weeks of weekly Taxol - May.
They started to thin again at the beginning of August.
This time I went over 4 months and the most noticeable areas of departure were the inner lashes. From my midpoint out it was just a stray lash or two. They've all popped back out again.
It is crazy weird, but I'm not giving up my mascara.
Hope yours pop right back out quickly!0 -
I took myself to bed and couldn't stop throwing up till 4 am. The fear is just leaving me now and I'm pulling myself together.
I also have to see someone about my arm it went from 3.5 to 7 in three months. So I have Lymphoedema, least of my worries.
So all clear till another 12 months, I should be happy but how do we deal with this fear!!!0 -
gosh i have been MIA-sorry!
firstcall; thx for answering about your LE.
my left arm is my surgery arm and i am right dominant except that i tend to carry EVERYTHING in my left hand/arm...always have..so i am very very conscious of this! i have good range of motion and i try to be quite mindful of the arm!i do quite a bit of repetetive action at work which i actually have convinced myself is GOOD for the arm! (fools the head into thinking it's not grunt work!!!)
however, i do feel pain in it sometimes - in the muscles --and i am just scared of developing the LE.
again-thx for responding!
i need to grab some time to read later- busy busy at work and snuck in for a minute!
hugs and cookies to all!
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wow....that's all i can say right now-except that i'm in on virtual cookie baking and i would LOVE to cruise-bermuda is sposed to be beautiful....dang it...
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Well, there is no doubt that LE is a pain in the butt. I have it mostly in my hand, and it's difficult to control hand swelling.
On the bright side, got my pathology back from the MX--all negative! Yay!
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Hildy
That's fantastic news! So glad you got those great results before the holidays!
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hildy, congrats!
ali, here's what i do to alleviate fear.
- i have a cancer mentor through imerman angels who has a similar diagnosis but has been living a long fruitful life with it. i talk to her once a week;
- i also have a few trusted friends, like on here, whom i can talk to about my fears;
- i meditate and/or partake in focused breathing. there are some incredible downloadables from healthjourneys.com;
- i do my best to focus on just today or even just this week. today i'm doing well. when i think of a year from now, i lose my mind in fear;
- i watch mostly comedies and have nothing to do with any story or movie that has someone dying from cancer (screw that shit);
- and finally, i have a perscription for ativan and i'm not afraid to use. as time has gone on, i've had to use it less and less, but when that fear slams up, i'm ativaning.
hope this helps.
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Gritgirl, thank you for posting those meditation links. DH and I are both starting to practice mindful meditation as a way to decrease stress, and those will be very helpful.
I agree about the one day at a time perspective--its one of the few times that my ADHD comes in handy, as I'm easily distracted by 'in the moment' stuff.
My lashes and brows have stuck around, thank goodness.
Baking Honigkuchen today for you guys...
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Hildy - Congratulations on good reports!
I received my new compression sleeve today (New threads!) They also made gloves, and a gauntlet to go with it. For now I'll wear it 4 hours a day, and when exercising or flying.
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