February 2012 Chemo
Comments
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Ali: I'm with you. I know for me when I don't get a break, my morale drops waaaaay down. Somebody suggested to me to do even little tiny good things for myself, and that did help. For me it was getting a hot chocolate every morning. It's all I could manage. There is a med for the neuropathy as well. I know my doctor is very concerned about this side effect so glad you called the doc.
When it gets really hard and I'm down in the major dumps, I have to force myself to think past the chemo. I go on the internet and look at the tattoo I want to get after chemo, or at the nose piercing I want to get after chemo, or at the cruise I want to go on after chemo. Even that little bit helps.
Maybe an anti depressant would be good too. All I know is that it is HARD to be upbeat and positive when I feel this bad, and you have it worse than me in terms of bad breaks. Maybe a bubble bath followed by a huge, fuzzy terry cloth towel is in order. It's hard work fighting for your life and you sure have been working at it. Eat some chocolate, take a good hot bath, have the hubby gently massage oil into those hurting hands
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Thanks ladies talking does help and I know I only have two more to go instead of four. I think for me when I look at my profile pic on here I'm not the same person. If I showed you what I look like now i have changed in a very short time. I look so ill and I even have half my hair. Lost so much weight even my eldest daughter said I looked bad.
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Ali: I tell folks that right now I look like a baby ostrich. we all look like some version of hell warmed over. join the club. :-)
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Yeah, I kind of look like Mr Fuzzy or the guy from the Operation game. *sigh*
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Haha it looks better than me.
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Well, that's because of the big eye lashes. :-)
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Ali - So sorry you are getting hit s hard with so many SEs, it just sucks!!!
I am having TX 3 tmorrow and I am getting panicy because of the reaction last time. But I am trying not to let it wear me down, had my shellac manicure today, going for the last supper tonight with my girlfriends, and then will pack my bag, hot bubble bath and take a sleeping pill tonight. Hope to report tomorrow night that all went well and that I have completed 3 out of 4.
Good luck to the others joining me tomorrow and Friday and for the rest of you...I am sending thoughts and wishes for small SEs (((HUGS)))
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Mthrdee, thoughts and prayers are with you.
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mthrdee and everyone else going for tx this week good luck and minimal SE's
Gayle
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FLDreamer My bout with shingles started as sores on my head. The rash even fooled the PA. Maybe you should call your MO. Shingles are not that rare as a SE.
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Thanks ladies for the drink suggestions.
Ali - oh I am so sorry you are feeling so low. That is the worse feeling...but it will end, you will get through this...or at least that's what I keep telling myself...going through this is so hard some days.
mthrdee - good luck with your treatment tomorrow!
Hot flashes continue for me...but my stomach feels fine and I am so grateful for that. I am on day 3 of treatment #3 and I can feel the fatigue starting in. I scheduled off work tomorrow so I can rest up and not have to miss school tomorrow night like I had to the week of treatment #2. My PA also scheduled me to come in tomorrow for a bag of fluids, to try to prevent dehydration like I had last time around. Yesterday I thought I might just cancel but drinking is getting hard this afternoon, everything is tasting bad.
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Today I had two BC survivors in for other reasons. The first one is 95 years old. She is a very healthy 95 year old. She was working retail until about last year,when she was diagnosed. She wouldnt consider chemo or radiation because she didnt think she wanted to go there at her age, and she is doing great, with no sign of recurrence.
The second is a patient who is about 83 years old. she is about 35 years out from her MX and treatments. she is doing quite well, and was here for a preoperative evaluation as she is having her cataracts removed soon.
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Firstcall, thanks for the survivor stories. I love hope!
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Thank you for that firstcall, I needed it today. Ever have one of those dreams that just feels so real when you wake up? I dreamnt last night that I found out that the chemo wasnt working and the dr didnt know what else to do. I woke up terrified and in a slump all day. I wish there was some way to know all this was for worth it.
Ali, I am so very sorry for your SE's. There was a lady in my support group who's hands were just like you described. She said it was from an allergic reaction to the Taxotere. She is putting "udderly smooth" cream on her hands and then has cotten gloves over that to help. I hope you find relief really soon! Sending prayers yours way.
Grats to those who are done and good luck to those who have treatment this week.
Christina- I too cant drink water lately.. unless its ice cold it just makes me nauseated. Ice tea seems to be the only thing I can drink in any quantity. Once in awhile there is a cranberry apple crystal light I can put in my water or a lemonade i just dont put the whole packet in. I know I am not drinking enough liquids but its so hard to force it down.
For what it's worth, in my eyes you are all beautiful no matter what you look like! You are strong, fighting, caring beautiful(handsome for firstcall!) survivors!
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firstcall
Wow 95 and she was working in retail last year when diagnosed?!! I love it!! And the 83 year old so many years out!! Wonderful!!
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You know, I see these BC survivors all the time, daily, and each time I see one, I am encouraged. And I want each of you, my friends here, to be reminded of successes. These treatments have their challenges, but there is a reason for doing them.
I have my next treatment tomorrow. I'll work in the morning, have my treatment in the afternoon, and teach a class in the evening. I've had a very busy week, but I will tone it down after my treatment. I'm curious to see what my Hct is tomorrow. I'm tiring more than I'm used to, and I think that my anemia might be worsening a little. My last Hct was 33, and it has gone down every time it has been checked.
I hope everyone is doing well, I appreciate each of you sharing your experiences here. It is a strength to me.
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Even though I'm a "March" person, I'm so glad I look in on the February thread as well - so helpful, and a blessing to see all the encouragement.
I'm now on day 10 of cycle 2, and looks like I'm under house arrest again - neutraphils were 0.1 this time, as opposed to a plain old 0 last time, so that's better, right??
It's looking like I'm just really susceptible to the white counts getting knocked down. The worst thing is the fatigue - can barely drag myself from one place of rest to the next!I so appreciate when others who have been down our path check in to give encouragement and let us know there is light at the end of the tunnel, and it's not an oncoming train! Firstcall, your posts about survivors falls into that category too, and are so helpful.
Thanks to everyone for sharing so freely, and wishing for all to be of good cheer with minimal to no SEs!
Karon
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Ali, I'm so sorry you are dealing with all those SEs, and hope you can get some help for them.I have to say that Taxol is kicking my butt worse than the AC ever did. Since last night, I have all these random sharp, shooting pains in muscles, joints, bones--it feels as though somebody has a Hildy voodoo doll and is sticking pins in it. Got very little sleep last night as a result. This is truly the worst I have felt thus far. I'm going to call my oncologist to see what they suggest (beyond Motrin, Aleve, etc.) One thing that has been suggested is acupuncture, so I need to organize that.0
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Ali: I'm sorry for the hard time you are having. I'm convinced that the meds I am taking are making me wonky(for lack of a better word) I am generally the poster child for "the glass is half full". I still am, but it use to come naturally... these days it's an effort to remain positive. I know it's not the situation, I have traveled more than one difficult path in my life and have appreciated the lessons learned and moved on.
This is a different challenge because I find that I lose control of my emotions and the tears start flowing and I feel like I can't breathe. It's gotta be the chemo.
My new favorite saying: "Sorry honey, it's the chemo talking, I need to shut up."
Hugs
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JenH - what a rotten dream. Bad dreams can be hard to shake off. My theory on dreams is that they are your brain's way of processing all the junk thoughts you have during the day. Dump those scary thoughts in the trash.
Karon - I hope your numbers and your energy go back up soon. It's so frustrating to feel better between treatments, and then have the next one and get knocked back down again. But it does pass...
miniwheat - I have a few days like that every cycle it seems, where I am over emotionally. Not sure if it's the chemo, or stress from the whole thing. It stinks though.
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Back from Oncology, and this time I insisted on them using the port for the blood draw. What's the point of having this thing I basically said. They left the pic line in as well so I can be hooked up quickly tomorrow morning. Wore my wig and its cool today and its not really bothering me at all. I guess it looks a little better than I thought though. I ran into a friend that was their with his Mom for her TX today. When introduced and we started chatting, she said "Wow, you were able to keep your hair?" LOL. Bear in mind we've never met before so my friend knew better but I said , no hun, its a wig. She said she wouldn't have known. Made me feel good.
I was informed today and even though I'm post menopausal, I will be doing Tamoxifen for 2 years and then Aromisen (spelling?) for 3. I'm going to try not to dwell on the SE's until if and when I get any. Have an appointment for April 26 with the RO. Should be interesting, but I will listen to what she has to say. Right now I'm anti RADS with my pathology but I was anti Chemo too. We'll see. Also spoke to the MO about detoxing after chemo and if anitoxidants will affect the effecy of Herceptin, good news, he said it wouldn't!!
At least tomorrow's TX will be #3 which means only 1 more to go!!! Somethng to look forward to!
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Thanks Christina
I try to tell myself that I have had all sorts of crazy dreams before and none came true so that doesnt mean this will either I hope!Miniwheat- I am exactly the same way. I used to be able to control my emotions so well and now I find tears freely flowing way to often. In fact having a bit of a down day today too. hope it picks up when my sister arrives from OH tonight.
Karon I hope you feel better soon!
MLB- its a lot to remember and go through Good luck with your TX tomorrow!
Met with my MO today after labs. Found out that I have chemo induced anemia now as my HGB are low. For now they are just going to watch it as I go in each week but the nurse was a bit concerned. On top of that I saw the RO last week and while she was doing an exam she felt a small lump.. this wasnt the initial lump that I had found which prompted me to go in. While my MO said she isnt a specialist in this area he still wants me to have a mamogram tomorrow because...(wait for it.. you guessed it!) Sometimes the chemo doesnt always work. It's like my nightmare that I had 2 nights ago came back and hit me in the chest. I keep thinking that they found multiple spots when I was first diagnosed so maybe its one of them or she just felt fat. Hopefully I will know more after the mamogram tomorrow but I am a bit afraid right now. A few extra prayers tomorrow wont hurt if you have any to spare
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Oh, Jen. I'm so sorry to hear about this next scare. This truly does suck, doesn't it?
I've been having a hard time keeping up the good fight. I've been exhausted and have run into several folks who feel they have to tell me bad news about my disease. I got so disheartened, I asked my ex the artist to do another design for a t-shirt/tote bag.
The design says "I Am Not a Statistic" and I ordered a t-shirt and tote bag so I can always have this message with me. I have to remember that many, many people have survived metastisized breast cancer and I am determined to one of them. Enough of the naysayers.
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JenH13
Wow, I don't know what to say other than my prayers are with you!
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Jen, gritgirl, praying for both of you. Grit, love that message, my uppity shirt came so fast, I think I will order a tote. I had my Herceptin today, and they had to give me more mag, I was just in on Monday for that. Ugh.To everyone gettin.g treatments today, much love and small SEs
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JenH13, i have everything crossed and sending lots of love.
Got a meeting with the onco tomorrow morning so maybe we can sort something out.
I now can't feel my face if I touch it and my hands have swollen even more and have blisters between my fingers.
I know we have to put up with SE but I'm worried about the long term effects and I still need to do 12 weeks of rads after surgery.0 -
Ali. are you going to be ok tonight?
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Holy crap Ali. I'm really worried about you too! Is there no way an ONC might be on call at emergency?
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Oh no Ali, I know we have to go through se's, but that's not right! Can you call your onc's office now? Someone needs to examine you!
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Ali, I agree, try to get ahold of someone on call. We would all feel better if you do, and we all want you to be ok.
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