I look for other flat chested women. A rant.
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You make a great point! Reconstruction isn't for all. Thank you for your post.
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Not sure if I can add anything to the conversation but I had left mx Nov 2012, and right mx last week. I felt fine as a uni boob over the last year but decided for the other one to go based the chances of a new cancer in existing breast and the fact i wanted to be even. Im an athlete and would never wear a foob while working out or running etc it didnt bother me.. but decided i would like the flat versus uniboob look. Its early days yet and drain is still in but Im feeling good about my decision to remove other breast. I think most likely i will only wear foobs if what i want to wear doesnt look right flat etc. For me i was A cup to begin with so not a huge difference really.
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Hello Rdrunner! Agree with all you have said. Can't really imagine wearing a prosthetic while running.
Sounds like you are doing so well. We are right here if you need us.
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
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I have been living flat for two years now and generally do not have a problem. I do find summer clothes and t-shirts a bit of a problem as I feel that I am beyond flat....I am concave!
Does anyone else feel this way?0 -
Nikisezz, I've found that peasant tops and other tops with some type of gathers at the neckline work well. Wearing an open or partially open camp shirt with a tank underneath also works well. With t-shirts I usually throw on a lightweight gauze scarf or one of those little crocheted tops they make for wearing over sundresses. I am also concave.
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Hello everyone:
I am worried about this: I will be appearing in a series of videos at my office. Some of them now, before BMX. And some of them after.
I can't stop thinking about this fact. It will be so obvious, the change. I don't want to 'come out' to the people at work. I don't want to discuss it. I simply want to work without talking about it.
I have the opportunity to have surgery during a break -- people will not notice I'm not in the office. In these videos, however, they will notice the change, I think. I'm unnecessarily fixated on the videos, not as much on the real face-to-face office interaction. I know that does not make sense, exactly.
Not worried about students, since my students change from semester to semester.
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Bobogirl, there are a few ways you can handle this if you aren't comfortable with the sudden change. You could wear scarves & other clothes that kind of disguise the flatness. Another option is to use prostethics at least while you're finishing the video... and/or you could gradually reduce the size of the prosthesis so it's not so drastic.
Also, I know it feels so obvious to us, but to others it isn't always... depends on your body type I guess. I remember being so, so scared to walk into a room the first few weeks after surgery. I thought everyone would notice. In actuality NO ONE noticed at all! I wore looser-fitting clothes at first but now that I'm more comfortable with my body & more confident, I just wear whatever I want, including tank tops and other form-fitting clothing. And still, no one notices, I actually have people ask what surgery I had or if I had reconstruction or what kind of cancer I had. So I guess it's just not obvious to others at all. HUGS, I remember worries similar to yours, you will figure out what feels best to you.
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Bobogirl, wear scarves both before and after, no one will notice. people don't really notice anyway. I have actually had a few woman ask me how I feel since reconstruction...and I am concave!!
Riverrat, thanks for all those wardrobe ideas. The hard part is I never ever was a button down shirt, but now the look is appealing. Change is hard.
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Thanks River_rat, great suggestions all. And it's good to know that I am not the only gal feeling and looking concave.
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Alert! Just went to the BS -- flunked my mammo recently, many surgeries before this -- because I want a BMX. I've been to her before about this. New spot on the right -- not confirmed as anything yet -- but that's not the point. I've had a rare cx in the left breast, I've had two surgeries, seven biopsies, countless MRIs, and I want to move forward. But... she scheduled me for a psych consult!
Am beside myself. I am a university lecturer and a mother of two. I am in no way psych. She doesn't like the fact that I want no recon. She wants to continue to take gouges out and then 'reshape' the breast. That sounds ghastly. My breast is already a mess.
So I just wanted to reach out to my sisters here. Any advice on how to sail through the psych consult?
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Bobo, not for nothing, but instead of the psych, how about a new surgeon?
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Momine/Bobo, I was just thinking the same thing about a new surgeon. There is nothing wrong with deciding against reconstruction. Good grief!!!!!!!
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Bobo, I second Momine's suggestion. My BS was more than willing to do BMX initially given my anxiety level, as well as not wanting to be lopsided as I made it very clear I was not doing reconstruction and I was NOT going through this hell again. She did tell me she would be removing a "healthy" breast, but got it approved through insurance to reduce risk of new cancer, and I have been much happier than if I had to worry about mammograms missing another cancer (they missed the first one as well as the recurrence!). Get a surgeon who will work with you to meet YOUR values! It makes all the difference in how well you walk the path - we don't have a choice in that we MUST walk the path, but how well we do with it can depend on the team helping us and guiding us. I DO think it is reasonable to have a counselor or psychologist on your team if you need help in coping, but certainly NOT as the alternative to moving on with getting your body taken care of!
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I, too, suggest a new surgeon. It's wrong for her to push recon on you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with going flat or wearing foobs. Your body, your choice.
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bobogirl - definitely NEW surgeon. Definitely - as as a goodbye present, think you should give PsychoWoman a DVD of "One Flew Over the Cukoo's Nest" Really - the request for you to 'see someone' cuz you're sanely knowing what you want - gads, haven't been so riled since reading The Yellow Wallpaper - really.
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i have been going flat for 5 yrs now. There are some adjustments to be made and i would say that there may be times that you want a prosthetic fot fit. I layer shirts, wear dresses with jackets, but mostly do not worry about it. I was a DD so after all those years i LOVE not having to wear a bra!! FLAT can be FAB!!!!
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All right you guys, I know it's the right thing to do to get a new BS --- but please note, she's the only good one in town. It's a university hospital. And my partner works at the hospital. And our insurance is specifically good only for those doctors in the hospital. We've been looking for a year now at trying to find other plans, but nothing yet.
Next best choice is a woman, a surgeon, who doesn't specialize in breast surgery -- she does mx, but she does other things as well.
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Bobo, I think I would at least go talk to "next best." The psycho here is not you.
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Another vote for new surgeon! REALLY, her issue. Don't let her put it on you. Does she know there are many happy, content women and their partners, living without reconstruction.
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Bobo! Love that name! I get the impression that if you met with the prescibed psych and shared your rationale and perspective, the psych would recommend you go ahead and do what you know is right. In which case, your nervous BS would either be on board or not. It might be worth a try, considering she's at the University.
If it doesn't work out, then you will know you explored the option completely and can move on without a doubt.
How's that for advice from a woman you NEVER EVEN MET ;-)0 -
I've got a question, rather muddled.
My bmx was a little over a year ago. Since then, I've gone flat EVERYWHERE. Even on my sexy Valentine's date with my doting husband. It's because prostheses SCARE me stupid. It's as if my body handled all of this trauma by blocking out the actual breast part. The first time I touched an actual foob, my whole body started shaking out of control. I couldn't breathe; the knot in my throat was so strong! I would have ran out of the store if my husband hadn't held onto me.
Has anyone else had this reaction? It's almost like my acceptance has a big deep hole in it. What can you tell me about this?
Ps. My daughter is a tween and really wants me to wear foobs in front of her friends. I think my decision not to wear foobs can be more flexible or real if I challenge this strange panic. What do you think?0 -
Pss. I did NOT buy the foobs. I still don't have them.
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Was it a silicone foob? They do feel really creepy. But you can also get them out of foam or microbeads, which might have less reaction. I'm a uni, but if both were gone I would get some camisoles and pin the foobs to the garment. One woman on here who sews made a dress for a special occasion and put pockets for the foobs into the dress. I would love to have both gone and never have to wear a bra again. Do you think your tween is embarrassed because you look different from her friends mothers? Or doesn't want the subject of BC to come up with her friends. If you were naturally an A cup, would she feel the same? Maybe if you knew her concern, you could allay her fears.
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We live in a small town on a small island. Everyone knows about the BC.
She writes plays with her girlfriends and it came up that the ywanted me to have a role in one of the plays, but changed their minds since I am "deformed." (The exact word she used.)
My daughter has said previously that she only wants me to do what feels right to me. She said "Self-esteem is the most important, thing Mom. If you feel good about yourself, that's what is best."
So, you can see she is a 10 yr old who's a bit all-over the road and doing her best to make sense of it all.
I think I need to be solid and strong for her. I need to know what my best solution is. Foob phobia is not something I want her to have to make sense of. I want to make sense of it myself.
I don't know what kind it was. I could literally only glance at it for a second. It feels like someone chopped off one of my body parts.0 -
Bobo... I am thinking about your situation. You DO want the best surgeon. But like others I am in shock that any surgeon or other human would dare to judge your choice. For me, when I am angry or overwhelmed, I have to write about it and the process calms me down and makes my thoughts and argument more coherent. Can you write this doc a letter? I am an editor and will volunteer my services if you'd like!
Here's a link to a blog post I wrote about this issue, inspired in large part by this thread on BCO. Feel free to use it if it helps you in any way:
http://alaskamamaruns.blogspot.com/2013/09/breasts-real-and-otherwise.html
Let us know what happens... we're rooting for you.
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Alaskamama, nice JOB! Your article is such a beacon to feedom! I LOVED your argument regarding the arrogance of those want to slap reconstruction onto everyone. KUDOS!
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You are all so good to me, and kind. Saw PCP today; she's going to talk to the BS on my behalf and try to waive the psych consult. Stand by..
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Happy Raccoon, I was thinking about your message. I know there are many ways to address these issues. But first off, I think you should respect your foob phobia. If you have a physical reaction to foobs -- for whatever reason, and any kind of foob -- I think you should allow yourself to feel those feelings and not force yourself into anything. Of course, you could talk to a counselor about it. But that doesn't guarantee you will get to the bottom of it.
Trying to 'be strong' and/or otherwise stop your visceral reaction to the foobs will not help at all. You are a beautiful strong woman all on your own, with or without foobs! My two are seven -- I feel like I don't know enough about 10-year-olds to advise -- but I wanted to send you a big hug. (((RACCOON)))
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