I look for other flat chested women. A rant.
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Happy Racoon, I saw your post a couple of days ago and wanted to reply but have not had a moment til now (6.39am where I am!). Just wanted to let you know that there are other people with foob-dislike, if you like to call it that. (Phobia might be too strong a word for it as given the choice between holding a foob or a tarantula I would definitely go for the foob!). I waited a year with the full range of foobs and mastectomy bras in my drawer - silicon, soft foam etc etc foobs for every occasion. I got some provided free by the State, some from health insurance. I waited for the time to come when I would want to wear them, or feel like I needed to wear them or whatever....then it dawned on me that it wasn't happening. I also started to wear my normal clothes again - then I felt much better, more like me. As other ladies have said, I really think no-one notices, and I am a uni...and if they were to notice, I don't think it would bother me. I have a daughter too, she will be 8 in November. She sometimes says it is sad I don't have a breast. Sorry to hear your daughter used such a word to you, she probably didn't mean to be unkind, kids will be kids, and tact is generally a life-long learning path. I think, like you said, I probably have a hole in my "acceptance" of my breast loss, but wearing foobs isn't necessarily a sign of acceptance. To me wearing foobs is an accessory that is optional, like colouring your hair when it gets grey. You didn't ask for the grey, so you didn't actively want to consider this accessory - but now that it has happened you still have the choice. Some folks feel they would like to colour their hair, others go gray publicly - it is ok either way. I should know - I'm SOOO grey since my hair grew back. Probably I have a "hole" in my acceptance of that too. Would not have chosen the grey but now it's here I am not currently colouring it - same with the foobs. It's just a choice. Your gut is telling you the choice that is right for you at this time - it could be different in a month or a year, or not. Despite your daughter's sadness about the change in your body, one of the most valuable truths you can try to pass on to her is that there is much more to us women (and men) than our mere appearance. We in the West live in a world bombarded by adverts telling us that we are not good enough unless we purchase accessories - cars, makeup,, the latest toy etc, so it's a hard message to get through to children. You, yourself,are you, always, regardless of your breasts, or breast surgery, or whether or not you choose to accessorise, with foobs, or hair colour, or glamorous shoes or any other choice you might make. She may not get it now, but she will when she is older. She probably will also be very sad that she said that word to you, years from now when she looks back, and is mature enough to see how that would have hurt you. I sometimes think about my missing breast - effectively it's in the grave. Gone - what more proof can there be that I am NOT my body. Love and XXXXX to you.
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Hi feelingfeline,
What a beautiful post. But I think you're being unfair to yourself to describe yourself as probably having a "hole" in your acceptance of your breast loss. It sounds, rather, as if you have found what is comfortable for you. It's wonderful that you don't need a breast or a foob to feel good about who you are. I wondered what you answer your daugher when she says it's sad that you don't have a breast.
Like you, after my bilateral mastectomy I acquired both silicone and non-silicone breast forms. At first, the silicone felt weird to me, but pretty quickly I became quite fond of the feeling of a soft breast form, both in my hands and on my body. I loved the idea that I could be flat if I wished or could look exactly as I had before, or bigger or smaller.
Although in general I'm into natural appearance--almost no makeup (although, at 64, I could probably use some!), rarely polish my nails, will never color my hair (miraculously, I'm still not gray)--I have found that for me, wearing foobs in public feels better than going flat. I do go flat at home. I guess you could say my failure to fully embrace being flat means that there's a hole in my acceptance of the fact that I no longer have breasts, but I tend to see it as positive that I've found a way to feel confident and good about myself despite the loss of my breasts.
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Happy racoon,
It probably does have something to do with accpetance, it took me several months to actually look in the mirror full on, not just a passing glance. You will get there when you are ready. Don't pressure yourself. The foobs,as others have said come in different materials, you may find one more comfortable than another. Try several and don't let the sales people to push you into anyhting you are not ready for.
About your daughter, mine is 15 and I had a UMX, and frequently go without my foob, lopsided. She was initially very upset. Almost 2 years later it has become a joke with us. Mom, don't leave it on the bathtub; Mom you really need your foob with that outfit; Mom what will I do if a boiyfriend comes over. And then we laugh. My son is 19, when his friends are around, I am more cautious. They will be come comfortable with what you are comfortable with. You and she will find your way.
Be well
Nel
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Hi Barbara - in answer to your question, when my daughter occasionally says that it is sad I don't have my breast anymore (usually this would be if she happens to see me getting out of the shower) I always say, "yes, it is". She always seems fine with that response. XXX
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Happyraccoon, you don't have to choose between foobs and flat. I don't use a foob, experimented with it a little but always felt like everyone was staring at me knowing it was fake. I know, probably no one ever notices, but that's how I felt. So now I just wear a regular bra, the kind where the cup is kinda firm, you know what kind I mean? It holds its shape whether it's hanging on the wall or on your body, and nobody knows that one cup is filled with nothing but air. Since I am a "uniboober" I can't go out in public without a bra. If I had a BMX I'm not sure whether I would go flat in public. Maybe eventually. We feel so self-conscious about our new bodies but people really don't notice. There are also camis with little foam "modesty pads" built in. I'm sure the purpose is to keep nipples from showing, but they hold their shape even with nothing inside and gives just a little curvy figure, so you're not flat.
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I'm just a bit over 6 weeks out from my BMX. I have been out and about with no foobs, the first few times, I had a shirt half way buttoned over a tank top and was self conscious. As time has passed I've noticed that really no one pays any attention. I am totally comfortable going flat. I still wear a tank/cami under my shirt, and I have scarves for when the weather gets colder (which it is doing quite rapidly right now!). I will get the full compliment of bras and foobs once I am completely healed, just to have them, but I really doubt I will wear them all that much. I am totally embracing my flatness!
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This was all so very interesting...
Bobgirl, certainly you can tell this doctor you wish to continue without her psych evaluation. Or if insurance is going to cover it, why not go and have 1 session? not having breasts is alot to adjust to, and I think it is probably easier to adjust to when we have cancer and have to get rid of it.
Happy Raccoon, I would correct your daughter on her word choice...she needs to learn and you are the best teacher in the world about self image and loving the body we are given.
I too struggle with the foobs issue, I am perfectly happy flat and I go for days and never consider wearing them...but I do agree it makes a nice visual to wear them. I struggle. I will usually pull a scarf on if I am running out, but when i study myself, the scarf really isn't hiding much. My own choice here is as I am buying new clothing, to buy creative clothes or the simple shirt and tank so I can be comfortable flat.
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It's amazing what a busy print will do to distract. I'm trying to buy a few more prints, although I usually wear a foob.
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Wren, that is very true!! I got a tank top just before I had my surgery that is hot pink and has like a Hawaiian print across the top and down one side in the front. It is big and bold in purple, orange and lots of gold. When I wear that, I swear I can hardly tell I'm flat. I've worn it out with a denim shirt that I didn't even button and felt fine.
It isn't a style I would have ever bought before, but I needed a few dollars more to get free shipping. Now I wish I had bought all colors available! May even go back and see if any are left in clearance!
ETA: Ha! I went back and they did have another color!! It is deep blue with purple flowers, light blue and green leaves and lots of silver.
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I too am begining to wear colors, prints and such...as well as the shirt over the tank look...I would have never worn this before, but hey, it is working. I love scarves, but they don't always feel practical, andI don't always take the time to get them on right.
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Happy Raccoon, a friend of mine asked to see my scars, we have the relationship where this is OK. When I did, she said, 'Wow, you don't look mutilated.' I stood there in shock. I know she wasn't saying that word about me, I know she was expecting radical mastectomy from the 1950's or before, but that was not a good responce. I looked at her and said, 'ouch'. It was only then that she understood what she had said. I am glad I didn't let it go, glad I said something. It happens. I am sorry it happened to you.
Hi everyone. I miss this board. I have been enjoying Flat & Fabulous on facebook and have been neglecting this thread and group.
I recently had my ovaries removed (100%ER/100%PR+, NOT BRCA, premenopausal at diagnosis), I just didn't want to go and have monthly hormone suppresion shots for the next one to three years. I don't want to think about cancer that much any more, it just gives me anxiety and stress and I would like to move away from that.
I feel good. I have gotten most of my energy back, I don't have as much as I used to, but overall I feel better than I have in a long time.
My Man and I are settling into life after cancer pretty well. It was sketchy for a bit, but we are both commited to one another, and for the first time in ages, he told me he is getting used to my new body. He did this without hesitation which is progress. This does affect the men, and women who love us, just as much as it affects us and I give him credit for remaining true.
I just resumed lifting weights after a pause to heal from the surgery, I look forward to regaining more definition. Exercise is a gift of my cancer experience. I am happy to say, I am commited to doing it regularily. I have also been working to inform myself of estrogenic foods that may not be the best choices for me and the cancer type that I had. I am making changes to my diet, eating more vegetables, looking for affordable organic foods and doing my best to make small attainable changes, so that I do not feel denied of things I used to eat without thought. Generally I think all foods in moderation are good, but some changes are necassary. This is the jumping off point web site that I use if you are interested in informing yourself about breast cancer type and food: http://foodforbreastcancer.com
Anyway. Hi gals! I miss all of you.
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Mel, so nice to see you pop in, and am so glad you are moving on. Do be watchful with the weight lifting, pay attention to any signs of lymphedema. I wasn't so attentive and have ended up with a 5-month battle in bandages most of the time to get it partially settled down, and let me tell you, trying to find clothes to work with a bandaged arm is even more challenging than finding clothes to work with flat or concave chest!
Good to hear your man is adjusting as well. Wishing you excellent recovery from more surgery. Gentle hugs and lots of lovingkindness.0 -
I have followed a similar path to Mel,working out regularly and eating more organic vegetables and less meat.Finishing up my fith year of Tamoxifen.MO wants me to either switch or go off altogether.
Have been using light weights at the gym and believe that this has helped me elude LE.
I own a pair of silicone foobs but almost never wear them.This seems to bother my DH and daughter more than myself.Kind of annoying.
Really wish I could totally move on and never worry.but for me this is impossible.0 -
I just verified that my Tai Chi instructor is a flattie too. That is two of us in a group of 10. There were also two of us in a group of 11 coworkers at my last job. We are definitely out there!0 -
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I love tai chi, but have had a hard time finding a good teacher.0 -
My dh and I just started taking Tai Chi this fall. I am still getting the movements down but do find myself able to get lost in them and experiencing the benefits more often now. We both love the classes and have a great teacher who really breaks things down and is patient with us.0 -
Wow ~ I have loved ❤ reading all the sharing going on here with this thread. I don't post much but read daily. 2012 was the year of diagnosis and treatment and 2013 has been the year of reconstruction. I should have followed my gut instinct of just going flat with the DMX back in 9/12 but somehow with the fog of BC and the PS telling me expanders and implants later were the way to go, I just went with the flow. I lost my radiated right breast implant in August and now I am a uniboob with implant.
After reading these posts I am encouraged to make the appt and get Lefty taken off and Pancho cleaned up. (My husband named them back in May when I got my new boobies!) My deductible is met and well, why not if that is what I want. Hubby doesn't care, just wants me to be happy. I'm ADD and it's hard enough for me to find my bras every day much less get a prothesis and have it being "who knows where" when I take it out and forget about it!
Plus, I'm triple negative and MO is watching my lungs for some spots that are there. I go for CT in a few weeks and just don't want to be worried about treatment (if needed) and reconstruction with a back flap that my PS wants to do. Ugh Would just like to be done. My regular doctor said I was ADO (All Doctored Out) and I agree.
Thanks everyone for sharing. Love the honesty.
xoxo, gwenie0 -
Welcome Gwenie. I can certainly see why you're all doctored out. That's a lot to go thru. Make the decision that's best for you. Good luck on the rest of your treatment.0 -
ADO, love it! Yes, I am also ADO and it is an additional reason why I am not itching to do recon.0 -
ADO. Nice to put a name to it.Between the check ups, biopsies,bones cans,and now MRIs.Most of us all feel this way.Try not to return to a doctors office unless we have to.
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Hi, gwenie, bet if you asked your PS to "comp" you the back flap procedure ( meaning do it at no cost) s/he might not be as enthusiastic about doing it.
I had my very small silicone implants removed BY CHOICE in July, after 6 years of HATING the feeling of the small lumps under my pectoral muscles - had the explantation in the doc's office, she was so great, just needed a local ( like novacaine) lidocaine I think it's called injection in each side, and they were OUT! NO PAIN. A little bit of a weird feeling when she pulled it out - "thowmp" and it was out. AND, one of them had ruptured.
Follow your gut, and do what feel's right for you. Good luck.
PS. Would kinda like to see the look on your PS face if you DO ask for the procedure to be comped
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Hi gwenie,
ADO, I love it! Me too!! I immediately opted for no recon, just didn't want to prolong the whole process or go through more surgeries down the road because of it. I frankly couldn't be happier with being flat! I just recently got prostheses and bras and have a couple more bras ordered, but after wearing them around the house for a while, I chose to go the the Orthopedic dr yesterday flat!! I find I feel more uncomfortable and conspicuous w/foobs than being flat.... who'd a thunk that?? I got all the "gear" because I too have passed my out of pocket so it was all paid for, but I don't really know how often I will wear them.0 -
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CCFW, love the photo. Will try to post it.
Hope it took.0 -
It did!0 -
CC - LOVE IT. I've been asking the "reason" for keeping DST, and the only "explanation" I was given is so that it will be light when kids go out for Halloween trick or treating.
Really hope we can stay on Real Time, which is what I'm calling it from now on. THANK YOU.0 -
Just to be a trouble-maker, I would love it if they would just leave it on DST ALL the time! Next best is leave it on Standard time ALL the time!!! This switching back and forth is a royal PIA, and the darned cat just doesn't seem to care whether it is DST or ST, she wants fed according to the sun time. DH went out of town this weekend and left me with a cat that is used to getting fed at 5:30 am when he gets up, so guess who had to get up at 4:30 this am to feed a bratty cat?????
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/www.handful.com this is the best bra for flat!!
OK fine it was made by my "flat" friend cary Goldberg!!!
And now I am considering going flat
I am a 2 time survivor but am tired of having only one boob with out my prosthesis... Any one have the "other side" taken off for vanity?0 -
Not yet. But still strongly considering!0
