I look for other flat chested women. A rant.
Comments
-
Wow, I go away for a bit and come back feeling like I haven't missed a beat. I subscribe to This American Life, and had not heard that episode. For some reason, it wasn't downloaded with others. Haven't listened to it yet, but thank you, Momine! I did watch her interview with Conan and just LOVE how Tig is wearing a tee and looks so relaxed. While her shortish hair - and the way she is sitting - tends to push her look toward androgynous, she definitely is feminine. And I think the point that comes through is her genuineness, sense of humor, honesty, and willingness to put herself out there. I can't express how much I respect that. Role model, YES!! Thumb flip all 'round!!
0 -
Tina, yes, she is quite androgynous, but she was back when she had boobs as well. She had a great bit about her bits, before she got cancer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=beO_bXTXsJcI think your vibe is your vibe, titties or no titties.
0 -
River rat, yes that pic caught my eye too. That is how I look too.
Mel, no we were talking about the clip from Conan's show, but thanks for posting the radio clip as well.
0 -
Thought I would also mention that her Tig Notaro Live show mentioned on Conan is no longer on the Lewis CK site. His site mentions two places to get it. I bought a copy thru Itunes for $4.99 though have not yet had a chance to watch it. Can't remember the other source mentioned.
Yesterday, our firm had a Christmas dinner for employees, families, and significant others prior to heading out to a special showing of a movie for our company. Guessing something close to 50 people. I wore my tshirt material long sleeve shirt with Christmas motif, not overly tight but definitely fitted, so no hiding. Mingled and sat with a number of people I had never met. In spite of flat, a totally comfortable and happy occasion. If anyone noticed, they hid it really well.
Momine, I think I spend way too much time online as well. Seems you are just better at finding things than I am. Please keep 'em coming!! See you found my girls. For those on Twitter, my girls are trying to start a trend for #FlatAndFabulous.
Barbara
0 -
Tig's Live album is also available for $4.99 on Amazon. It's just the audio, but it's totally worth every penny.
Now that my drains are out and I'm able to drive, I'm starting to venture out a bit into the world with my flatness. So far I don't think anyone has really noticed. My daughter (who is 5 and has no filter, of course) talks about it with me, but I think we did a really good job of preparing her for what to expect after surgery, and she's adjusting to the new me really well.
0 -
Starak, lol, yes I found your girls. My work involves research and checking other people's research sometimes, so I have been at it from before there was google.
Why is the hashtag you created not working, btw?
ETA: I se it is working and that you had to spell it out instead of using the ampersand.
0 -
Momine: You are right that certain symbols do not work in hashtags and so the hashtag just stops at the symbol. The #Flat was so NOT where I wanted to go and therefore the change to write it all out.
Finally had a chance to listen to the Tig Notaro Live (it is all audio - not video). I think probably the best $4.99 I have spent in a really long time.
Barbara
0 -
Many pages ago, someone suggested constructing a camisole/bra by sewing a bra onto a soft cami and then cut the strappings off, leaving the pockets on TOP of the camisole, thus having a prosthetic holder(s) without all that heavy strapping. I made one. The strapping of the camisole is NOT comfortable, and I chose a very "soft shell" bra which is not stable enough . . . so, the whole thing is probably going in the trash.
Many pages ago, someone suggested creating ones own microbead foobs. I did this over the last couple of days. I cut the shape from my foobs, and did as instructed on a website instruction. They are obviously not heavy . . . but are TOO big. I "thought" so when putting them in my one prosthetic bra yesterday morning, but KNEW they were TOO big "they" caught the eye of a couple male co-workers. These guys (young and old) did NOT say anything. I've worked for them for 5+ years and I "know" them - they noticed. SO, I must decrease the # of microbeads . . . ha ha ha ha.
I should try the FLAT experiment here at work and see if I pick up on any looks. I was brave a couple of weeks ago and removed the uncomfortable foobs after noon . . but THAT day, most of the people on the floor I work on were NOT here . . so I have no history YET in going flat and being seen.
I am SO close to just being flat - but don't want to scream flat . . . my wardrobe will have to be GREATLY adjusted . . . I'm not BRAVE like many of you in NO camoflauge.
My hair is about 3-4 weeks (probably) from being full enough to take this ##!##!!! wig off ... THAT will be a very big change for everyone's eyes due to style and color differences. Maybe I'll do both at the same time..... ????
Signed, NOT brave enough (yet??)!!!
0 -
I canceled the breast form fitting appointment. Breast forms just aren't for me. I think it was a good exercise to make the appointment, sit with it and make a decision. I just can't be or do anything that doesn't feel right for me. I feel less stress.
I spoke with my Man this morning and we are both in agreement. We have both had time to think about what it means for us. We have been working through post cancer intimacy and feel good about our progress. I asked him if separately of the perception of my own needs, if he needs to see the shape of a woman, instinctively, animalisticly and he says no, that he now feels better about our progress together.
This is all so stressful. I am glad it is over, for now, at least. Tears.
0 -
Good for you, MT. It sounds like you have a loving partner.
0 -
Fern, You are in the US and it is winter in this part of the world. If you want to take off the foobs mid-day but still fly under the radar, simply throw on a jacket, cardigan or vest. It is a completely natural thing to do and so camouflages that it will be nearly impossible to see. If they have to look hard enough to really know you will notice them looking.
Barbara
0 -
I remember seeing someone going flat at the mall shortly after my umx. I don't think anyone else would have noticed at all. I wouldn't have before my surgery. She looked attractive and dressed well. Some people are just naturally flat. My MIL said she wore an A cup while nursing; nothing the rest of her life.
0 -
I had my first day back at work yesterday and went flat. I wanted to do that right up front. I may choose to wear my foobs sometimes but didn't want them to be the introduction to the new me. They all know why I was out and no one treated me differently. I feel good.
0 -
Yaayy, Frap!
Fern, you are on a journey that has many forks in the road - some of them double back, some dead-end, some join up with others up ahead, but you will find your way. Be patient with yourself, and don't for a second think you are not "brave like others here." None of us are THAT brave, and none of us are cowards!!!! We ALL have courage, it just takes each of us a little time, a little experimentation, and sometimes a LOT of reassurance from loved ones. I spend months (and still do) asking DH "Do I look OK????" and he would always say "yes, of course you do! You look GREAT!". Whenever one of my sisters came to visit, I would ask her how I looked, and each one reassured me. I don't really try to camoflauge per se, but do use scarves, jackets, vests, and fewer plain overhead sweaters.
MT, I am so glad you are continuing to work through all these issues with your man. I don't know how old you are or how long you have been together, and I don't know if that even makes any difference. I have been together with DH for 35 years, we have gone through lots of tough times, but this is most certainly the worst life-changing event we have faced. Intimacy in the face of body-image issues compounded with pain and abnormal sensation issues is more than difficult. I have been on this path for over 2 years and am not sure we will ever get back to where we were, simply because I have so much problem with pain etc., but he is so patient and loving, and we are continuing to communicate, and I am able to tolerate hugging and cuddling more than I was a year ago, so this is progress, and I am hopeful.
Thanks for the various links to Tig.
Thinking of all you Flatties & half-Flatties, picturing a group photo in my mind's eye.... You look FABULOUS!!!0 -
Momine, thanks for posting the YouTube vid. That just made me laugh and laugh! Now I need to get the iTunes thing Barbara downloaded. But to your point about your vibe with or without titties, yes! Actually, I felt like I lost my vibe when I had my implants, but it returned once they were gone. Funny how that worked for me.
0 -
0
-
0 -
0
-
Tried to post a picture, but it doesn't show up even using the instruction in HELP. Any ideas?
0 -
When I went back to work, I decided I'd rather get the "new" me out in the open than wear foobs, wigs, etc., and later want to back off of the "dressup." This is me at my clinical site in Omaha.
0 -
Welcome Maryah, love the pic.
0 -
Maryah - I too love the pic.
0 -
Maryah, I love the pic too. Your smile lights up your face.
0 -
Wonderful photo. In addition to your beautiful smile, I love your top.
0 -
This is me last week on my way to stop by my work for first time after dmx. The pic doesn't seem to show on the board, but its the same pic in my avitar.
0 -
LOve your pic maryah!! You really do look amazing!
MT I am glad you are coming full circle with your feelings. I just had a rough few days (again) because I watched tig, respected her for who she is, but I don't think she is attractive...so I became so confused about what I think about *myself* because I choose flat also.
I have spent days wondering if others find me "unattractive/mannish/genderbenderish". So I had a talk with my husband. I am girly-girl, always have been. He assured me I look nothing like Tig, there is no question of my femaleness because I choose to dress still in girly clothing, scarves, fun stuff, jewelry...I love bohemian lace, ruffles, fun.
I guess I just wonder if there is anyone else out there who looked at tig's very boyish image and felt they did not identify either?
I think Tig looks sensational, don't get me wrong, I just felt so insecure that I no longer looked feminine. But I finally think i do.
0 -
Crystal- You shouldn't even wonder about these things. I know males, straight and gay, including my husband, who think women like Kim Kardashian, Pam Anderson, etc. are very unattractive in a gender-bendish way. They see them more as drag queens than real women. I have never been girly-girly, but do love the manis/pedis, spas, cute tops and jewelry. Because I feel comfortable in my own skin, flat and bald, I come across as attractive to those who know and love me. Look at pictures of Natalie Portman, etc., but more important, look at you! You can still wear any of the girly-stuff you always wore. IMHO, bohemian lace, ruffles, etc., have always looked better on flat-chested women.
0 -
Crystal, the picture of Tig that I said looked a lot like me was a topless shot of just her torso, with her hands over where her breasts would have been. The way I look when dressed is very different, quite feminine. Tig was "gender bendish" before her surgery, not a big change in her before and after appearance. But I do think she looks great although her style is different from mine.
0 -
Interesting discussion on feeling feminine. My hair is pretty short now, pixie short. I wake up in the morning and it tends to be sticking straight up and I either look like a kupie doll or a devil with horns.... so, in the morning I feel quite unfeminine and pretty unattractive without my hair fixed up, makeup on and feminine clothes on. While I do think that the length suits me, I do sometimes feel like I resemble my sons... I have three teenage boys and really my hair isn't much longer than theirs. So, when I doubt that I can be feminine with short hair, I like to look at the pics of this model to get feminine short hair/fashion inspiration..... http://www.paulapatrice.com/portfolio/portfolio.php
anyway, I love Tig's sense of humor! Didn't know all she has been through this year! I definitely think she wears very boyish styles (the button down shirt open with a logo tee shirt below and guy jeans) and sometimes looks like she doesn't comb her hair (like my bed head in the am!!) - and sometimes she just goes without makeup.... all these things definitely add up to gender bending for her, I guess as long as she is happy in her own skin.
anyway, I have been sick with a terrible cold for the past two weeks and have been catching up on this thread.
Steph
edited to fix the link....
0 -
Notaro was "unfeminine" before her surgery. She is also gay. Her vibe is not your classic girly-girl.
I don't usually go flat, but I am always flat at home, and I have various, random pictures without foobs. I may look bleary-eyed and have bedhead, but I don't look like a man or anything close.
This picture was taken shortly after completing chemo. I have managed to put on 5 pounds since then, and I have had 2-3 haircuts. I am wearing foobs (tiny ones) in the picture but my hair had barely come in. I still think I look female.
0
