I look for other flat chested women. A rant.
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nibanna ~ that would be great and a dinner I would love to be at.
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You could even add some embelishments such as giving a pec flex and yelling, "This flat don't need fixin'!"
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nibbana - lmao!
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I have come to the realization that the reason I have been so obsessed with the clothing aspect of going back to work is because it masks my real fears of going back to work. Number one is the worry that I won't have the energy to do the 110% type of job that I have always done in the past, and which is now expected of me. Also, one of my co-workers is going on maternity leave the first of April and I know that I will be expected to do both her job and mine for an entire year, and to do it well. The other problem is that my boss - to put it politely - is crazy! OK, maybe not crazy in a legal sense, but neurotic, paranoid and mean - ok, crazy. Anyway, she sometimes cannot bring herself to face crisis or difficult clients at work, so she just doesn't show up and expects her staff to cover for her. She also makes me sit through these long tirades about various past employees, whom she thinks deliberately tried to sabatoge her (and sometimes direct verbal attacks against me). In reality, without her dedicated employees she would have no business at all. I just can't face it again. Trouble is, work that pays well and provides medical benefits is hard to find, especially since I can't drive in the dark and here it is dark by 4pm from November until late February.
Is anyone else scared to go back to work because they are afraid they won't be able to perform as well as they had in the past?
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Me, me! ( hands flailing in the air). I've been out since 11/1 for DMX. Worked 1/2 days the past 2 weeks and start back with 9 hour days on Monday.
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Djustme ~ I was really afraid I would not be able to do my job. I went back to work 3 weeks after my BMX and have been working through chemo as well, but the people and company I work for have been very understanding. Am I working at my usual speed? Definitely not, but it's not so bad that I feel like I need to stop working.
I am so sorry this is what you are walking back in to as you do not need these extra hassles and stressors in your life right now. Frankly, your boss does not sound crazy, but abusive and psychotic!!!! If she was like that to you when you gave 110%, I can see how you would worry about going back.
Hugs to you.
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Thanks Frapp and Maryah. I have been thinking about asking the surgeon to sign me off for a couple of extra weeks of sick leave rather than to start back 1/2 days since the money would be the same and the stress level would be far less and give me more time to get my energy back. I may also ask my doctor for a referral to a psychologist, not just for my depression, but to ask for helpful strategies to deal with my boss. Perhaps ironically, our employee benefit plan covers $500 a year for a psychologist. That won't get me a lot of appointments, but it will help. I also need to find out my legal rights. I know my boss doesn't have the right to treat me like this, but she has told me that she has the right to terminate anyone she wants to as long as she pays them severance, in my case around ten weeks pay. She has terminated 5 employees (office of 12) in the past 5 years and had one quit that had put in 20 years at the office.
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D.just.me. I am a legal secretary in a labor & employment Dept. You need to read the company policies and procedures manuals. Follow any complaint/ grievance procedure .....document, document, document. Outside of the company, every state has a human rights entity where you may file a complaint for any number of employer offenses. You have employee rights. Good luck.
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FernMF -No company policies & procedures manuals have ever been made available to staff, although I know they are legally required. My boss is also the owner of the company and a lawyer (I am a law clerk). I made sure to have my doctor make a note in my file last January that the reason I had to be prescribed an anti-anxiety medication and an increase in my anti-depression medication was due to my boss's verbal abuse. I advised my doctor that I would stick it out a while longer as my boss blamed her behaviour on the fact she was going through menopause and that she would get help for it. Fact is, she has always been like this, menopause just made it worse. She did start taking some sort of medication last spring and everything was calmer for about six months. I think at that point she figured she didn't need the medication anymore and stopped taking it. Immediately she began behaving irratically and being verbally abusive again. I will have to go outside of our town to get legal advice because it is a small town. Problem is, if I have to go that route, I know she will turn it around and claim it wasn't her that made me like this, it was my surgeries. I keep trying to convince myself that it might be okay, but I just don't feel strong enough to deal with my boss on top of a stressful job right now.
Maryah and Frapp, I don't know how you are maintaining your energy going back to work so soon after surgery, and while taking chemo. You are troopers. (I do have an added physical problem of chronic back pain and spasms that cause my leg muscles to go hard as rock periodically, caused by a snowmobile accident 16 years ago. If it affects the amount of work I can get done, I stay extra hours.) I just don't have the stamina right now to do that when I feel so vulnerable. I have never been one to ask anyone for help and having to ask for help during the complications following surgery made me feel very vulnerable. Maybe the couple of extra weeks off (which are bound to make her angry with me) to gain more energy and some coping strategies will be enough until I figure out what to do.
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Djustme ~ Are you in Ontario Canada or California?
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I want to thank you ladies for this thread and all your posts. I have been dx with dcis but we are waiting for the genetic testing to be done. I am large busted, g cup, and want a bmx ( that term no longer means the bike
) and wanted immediate reconstruction. Well, they found something suspicious on the MRI and am having a box on the other breast. I now want to have no reconstruction for the time being. I want to see how I like being flat. It will be odd to see my stomach and feet .
Thanks for being such an inspiration to me! I will join the flattest if it is done in 2013. I will be flat by then.0 -
Djustme - Great site - http://www.cancerandcareers.org/en they also answer your questions promptly. Good luck to you.
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kassylou, Welcome. You didn't mention when your surgery is scheduled, but good luck with it. We're here for support.
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Welcome Kassylou. I was a D cup, had a BMX and have lived flat ever since my surgery at the beginning of June. I love it, particularly in the summer. It is something I always said I would do if I had breast cancer. This coming from an introvert. I have never felt self conscious when I went back to work or when I'm out in public. It's all in the "flatitude."
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I just had my mastectomy on 12/27 and thank God the surgery is over as I turned grey in recovery and the nurses kept telling me I am very pale. I choose not to have reconstruction and I was an I cup.
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Alexandria58 and kathindc. Thanks for the welcome. My surgery is not scheduled yet. The genetic testing has been sent off and my insurance Approved it in network yesterday. I have the biopsy on my other breast Monday. The dr knows I want bmx. I should have surg in January. I am anxious to get this started so I can heal and move forward. I went through a discussion board about what to bring to the hospital today and have started a list. These forums are great. I know people mean well but sometimes you need the truth from people that have been there. I like that so many are younger, I am 42. Well, I don't like that they went through this but am grateful for the honesty and willingness to share experiences.
I hope you all have a safe happy and healthy new year!! !!!!!!!
Kas0 -
Blackcat and Kas, welcome.
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I just had my DMX on 11/2 and have been back at work for 2 weeks now. I went back flat and have not had any problems or felt self conscious. I was a DD before. I like being flat. I feel so fee without the bra and weight. Good luck with your surgery and be sure to do your exercises right away, it helps with the scar tissue.
Best
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Blackcat; welcome as well. I personally found the time leading up to the surgery the hardest emotionally, but the first two weeks or so after, a bit difficult physically. Physical therapy really helped.
Looking at trying to get organized in the New year. I'm planning to contact a BC support group held at the Y in Princeton NJ to see if I can use their space for an initial meeting of us flatties within the next week or so. If anyone's interested, let me know availability.
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Kas, Look under surgery for a thread about what to take to the hospital and how to prepare beforehand. Stuff like have lots of pillows handy and take things you use often off high shelves. Mine was umx and I only spent one night in the hospital. My surgery was very late in the afternoon. By morning, I was ready to go home. DD made my day when she showed up at 7am with a latte!
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delete
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CCFW, I love that response! - tucking it away in my memory in case the need arises. Welcome to the forum.
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CCFW ~ I love your response! You should feel good about it.
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CCFW. I love your response. I will have to remember that one. Ha!
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CCFW, how perfect! Nobody has asked me in forever, but I LOVE the idea of telling them something like I'm too lazy to have reconstruction.
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Awesome answer!!
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CCFW, love that answer! So far, I've never had someone even ask me about reconstruction, but if they do, I will borrow your comeback. Thanks for sharing.
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Maryah - I am in Ontario Canada. We have similar labour laws about the requirement for policies to be in place etc... We may have a lot of free health care in Canada, but not a lot to be gained by trying to claim your legal employment rights unless you work for a union or work for a large firm where you have a department to complain to other than the person who owns the firm and is your boss. The best I could probably do if I wanted to leave would be to claim constructive dismissal and make my boss pay me ten weeks severance (1 week for each year worked for her). If I leave and actually manage to find another job quickly, she wouldn't even have to pay the severance. My boss makes my life tough because she knows she can get away with it - if I ask the the labour board or human rights to step in, I could not imagine the working conditions. She would also damage my local reputation, and in a small town that means no one else will hire you knowing you ratted out your boss. I actually do have a local reputation for being good at my job. On two occasions I left law firms and then they hired me back again when they knew I was available, my current boss being one of the lawyers who hired me back. She actually knows I do good work, she just can't seem to help herself from being a b. I seriously believe she needs to be medicated, so that I don't have to be. Financially, I will have to go back, and then leave if I can't tolerate things. I will confirm my rights discretely, but as I said, having rights and being able to enforce them are two different things.
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On a happier note - I wore a completely flat fronted sweater to church and out to a comedy night function today! It felt great not to have to wear a bra or even a camisole! I actually ran into one of my co-workers who gave me a big squishy hug (ouch). On this thread, we have talked about the need to make more women aware that going flat is an option. There is a small local support group here that I am thinking about going to in order to talk to them about it and to see if there are any flatties there. The only reason I haven't gone before, is that I can't drive in the dark thing. I will have to figure something out - maybe even get someone to drive me. Has anyone else found other local women who chose flat this way?
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Dustme-those "big squishy hugs"......I'm 21 months out from my BMX & they still bother me. I think that's the only remaining discomfort I have. My breasts hurt alot when I had them, so the other day I came to the realization that I'm in less pain without them.
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