I look for other flat chested women. A rant.
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Glad you are hanging in there, good girl!
Actually Attic Greek does help with Modern Greek, although it takes some adjustment. I too did Greek and Latin in college, although I never made it to grad school (real life interfered). When people ask my husband why anyone should learn a dead language, he always tells them, only half-kidding, "because it will make you a better person."I like to sew. I find it therapeutic in various ways, and it can be quite practical as well.
My husband grew up in the US, but was born in Athens and always maintained a connection to the place and the extended family still here. 15+ years ago, we decided to come back here for good, so our daughter could grow up in Greece.
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I love your husband already!!
'Real life' is interfering with my studies right now as well. I'm so glad you are in Greece... I am imaging all beautiful things. How could you ever stop visiting great places?!
I can't believe people would ask that about Attic Greek, since it seems nearly everything originated from people who spoke it and wrote it -- language, law, medicine, theatre (I'm a playwright), philosophy... why wouldn't anyone want to learn Greek?
I sew a tiny little bit, but I've never made anything for myself to wear. I make little dollies for my daughter, and I knit. Trying to get up the courage to sew her a little shift dress. But I can't always understand the instructions -- they are written in code! Wish my grandma were here -- she would understand it.
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Ha! Exactly! Wouldn't everyone line up to learn?The instructions are usually horrible on sewing patterns. I highly recommned scouring youtube for videos where people demonstrate and explain various aspects of sewing. It is much easier to follow, and especially for dresses for little girls it should not have to be all that complicated.
When I used to make spencers for dd, I would make a short bodice and a gathered skirt sewn on to that. Instead of complicated facings, I would just cut two of the bodice pieces and basically make it completely lined with the same fabric. This way all the seams were covered and neat and the dresses lasted forever. If you make the "waist" wide enough, you can even get away with no zipper and just put buttons or ties even on the shoulders.
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Here is the jacket I wore. It is made of doublefaced, boiled wool. It is not lined and the edges are covered with velvet ribbon. When not closed, the front drapes nicely.
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Momine - beautiful! Maybe I should take up sewing again!
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Momine, I LOVE the look!!! For me it would have to be a different fabric as I do not wear wool.
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MT1, I'm sorry about your sad day at the show, but you are not alone! I love your post & can really relate to a lot of what you said. I'm still very, very new... still recovering from surgery... but I knew the moment I found my lump that I would not be choosing reconstruction or prosthetics. It is going to take me time to be really comfortable with my new body, but at least when I'm fully clothed, I'm OK with being flat. I don't feel a need to hide it. I'm going to have to update my wardrobe because I went from 34DD to nothing and most of my tops are all stretched out/too big/etc. but I don't even feel like I need anything special to hide my body. I'm flat and that's that. I really don't care if anyone has a problem with it but it is hard knowing that I am making a very socially-unacceptable choice. It's hard not having my doctors & nurses understand, and keep encouraging recon, and my doctor said I'm not as beautiful as I was before, but I believe that beauty comes from the inside. I know I will have days where I miss my old body and feel ugly and disfigured but I know in my heart I made the choice that was right for me and I am not ashamed to let people see whatever I am or have become. The hardest part is losing functunality... sexually, yes, but also the ability to breastfeed. I nursed my child for 3.5 years and cannot imagine having another baby and not being able to nurse! The asthetics kind of take a back seat to the deeper loss for me, and no boob job or prosthetic can fix that. I am glad to see that there really are others who are flat. I feel very much in the minority and got some very strong reactions to my decision!
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What nerve of that doctor! Why do they assume that women should torture themselves so that others are more pleased? And why do women go along with it? If you want to please yourself, that's your choice. Who cares what the doctor thinks?
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Indenial, I can relate to the function being so much more important than the appearance.
What an idiot doc. Mine have been more understanding about it, and I agree that beauty is from within.
That said, I do wear tiny foobs most of the time. Will I continue? Not sure. Why do I wear them? Not sure either, lol, but for the time being it works for me and that is good enough.
One thing I must say is that I never really felt disfigured or mutilated. I may have had moments of it, I don't remember. I look different obviously, but to myself, it is not worse in any serious way.
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Oh, shoot, forget in previous post, thanks for the nice comments on my sewing project.
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Momine -- excellent sewing advice! Loved that idea about lining the bodice. And your jacket is beautiful!!
And Indenial -- speaking of beauty -- we are think you are beautiful. {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}
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CC: Wish I could have been there at Starbucks! I know you looked fantastic. XXXX
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Bobo, thanks. That is so cool that you are a playwright.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWQUIszo8Rw&noredirect=10 -
Momine, that jacket is beautiful! I can picture now, exactly how you wore that outfit, very smart.
I always enjoy your perspective on things. I know how much we have changed, but I don't feel mutilated or disfigured either. I have no problem whatsoever with the difference in my appearance.
I do, however, have very strong feelings about the insensitive remarks made by others. Not specifically to me, because the reality is, in general, people here have a pretty good handle on this stuff. Breast Cancer in Australia is always in the media. Having had the passing of a Cricketer's young wife from BC and the subsequent naming of a foundation in her honor, The McGrath Foundation, The amount of money generated is quite phenomenal, so we are used to all the advertising and Pink Power stuff in our every day lives.
What really gets me going, is when I hear about remarks from people who should know better, like Indenial's Doctor, what a stupid comment to make to a patient, indeed, to a woman. I am so glad that you could rise above that, Indenial, and remember that beauty does come from within. You are beautiful, and will remain so, because you see the bigger picture, and you aren't superficial.
That is what I love about all of you, in here. You dare to be different, in a world that encourages us to conform to unrealistic stereotypes. I like to think that we can make a difference to others who don't want to conform, but just need some encouragement from those who have gone before them.
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Indenial, I am sorry others in the medical profession make you feel uncomfortable...for this reason alone, I am glad you have found us because we are pretty strong here about living our lives without the pain of reconstruction.
I do understand your thoughts about nursing, I also nursed for 3.5 years and it was an amazing experience. I will not have more children (age) but I do know that even women who adopt can use a baby bottle tucked right up next to them and get that closeness. I know, not the same, but when you make the same time for breast feeding, you will feel rewarded just by the closeness. I know I would feel the same as you...losing breasts way too early.
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Indenial, I'm going to out and call your doctor a sexist for objectifying you like that. Really, what business is it of his to say, unless you were specifically asking him, what he thinks you look like? It burns me up that some doctors think it's OK to say this stuff. And to say it is as if it's a truth, not an opinion. Not "I think you're not . . . " (which would be really, really inappropriate anyway) but "you're not . . .
This is the reason this thread is important.
Today I ran into an old friend. We've ended up on the same sports team together. We were catching up, and I told her about the cancer. Her mom is part way through reconstruction, wishing she hadn't done it. It's so much the norm, and it just strikes me as such an extreme thing to do to oneself.
The other interesting thing was that other teammates, who have been seeing me in only a solid black, lightweight polyester sports jersey, had no clue that I am flat, even though the only way it could be more flat-enhancing is if it were too tight.
And I feel for you about the nursing. I also nursed almost 3.5 years - breast cancer was the end of it. I wasn't going to have any more kids anyway, but it was still really hard. Such a special experience.
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Gosh you guys brought tears to my eyes... I feel like I found home here in this thread. You all are awesome!!
To be fair, my doctor was probably trying to commisserate with the big change in my body... I don't think she meant it to come out how it sounded, although she very clearly is very concerned with appearances. On the plus side, if you aren't going to have recontruction, it's definitely in your favor to have a BS like mine who cares how you look! At least she did a wonderful job with my incisions!
Hey maybe I'm getting better at this whole "look at the bright side" thing lol.
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In the 3 years since my MX there has been an increased push for reconstruction, it's almost a given now that you will have it. Still not interested. Indenial - I'm lucky neither my BS, MO or PCP thinks that reconstruction is necessary, nor do they push it, however my RO felt that I would really feel better about myself if I had it done (now I hadn't said anything to her about feeling bad about the way I looked, she made that assumption by herself - I just get tired of being so lopsided) The plastic surgeon I saw was one of the highly recommended ones locally and he said it could be done, but that I really wasn't a good candidate for it, and said he would work with my insurance if I wanted to have the other one reduced or removed. I also have LE and it scares the heck out of my to think about them operating in that area!!!
Linda
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Hey Indenial, I asked my Surgeon for a great incision. He was there when I woke, and told me it was so straight, he had checked it with a spirit level! LOL
Recostruction was never an issue for me, my surgeon asked me if I wanted it, I said no. He went on to say if I ever decided I wanted it down the track it would still be a possibility. I liked that, but only because I don't like being told I "can't" do something!
I also liked the fact that he told me that I would get a "mound" not a breast per se. I can't ever see it being something I will want to do.
I totally understand where Linda is coming from with her lopsided comment. It is hard, I have a "D" on one side, nothing on the other!
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I am five months out from BMX. My surgeon, also a family friend, actually recommended waiting to reconstruct. He said he felt the results were better if and when I made the decision. I have never once felt disfigured or mutilated. He did leave skin so I can reconstruct if I choose to. My baby was 13 months old at the time of my surgery. We had just weaned. I went from a 42 D to what I think of in my head as the mcmuffins. At home I wear nothing. In the proffesional setting I do have foobs. I think if I had the money to go get a whole new wardrobe i wouldn't bother, but alas most of my professional clothes fit my old body. I think my only struggle is the sexual side. They were a big part of that part of my life. Dh and I are working into the new me. It's been slow becuase of treatment, but I hope to get back there.
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Momine, great jacket.
Indenial, everyone has both opinions and assholes, some of us can't help which one we share. On this, don't listen to your doctor.
As we come out of the 'flat closet', our doctors, friends, family and society at large will get used to our flat, feminine and fabulous bodies. (Un)fortunately, we are at the forefront of a movement of women who choose not to either reconstruct or wear breast forms. This means that we come up against people who are unprepared, and can make comments that lack compassion.
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Hi All,
Just popped in to read all the encouraging comments. I will be having my prophylactic bmx on Wednesday. This last 6 months I have been wearing a flattened sports bra so that when I am completely flat my appearance won't be that noticeable in my clothing (!)
Momine, your jacket is gorgeous. Also, you mentioned that you wear small foobs. Did you order them small, or is it something you fabricated yourself since you are so clever with the sewing machine.
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Painterly, in the beginning, I used those little fluff-filled ones they sell for right after surgery. Then I bought some beanie ones, advertised as a B-cup (size 5). To me they looked huge when I tried them. I will probably try to get another pair of those, in a 3, because they work quite well for me.
Lately my usual ones are a set of nipple shields from a genie bra with a "donut" of rolled up nylon stocking glued in the back. The donut keeps them from collapsing and they give just a tiny bit of shape under clothes. It is not ideal, but I have to pay for foobs myself and I have not yet found a mastectomy shop nearby, so I tend to improvise some.
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Not sure where I saw this recently - but this is kind of cool - http://www.knittedknockers.info/ And you can make them at home, they can be weighted if you want. I think that I'm going to send away for a free sample!
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Linda, I have a pair of knitted knockers that my dd knitted for me. They are particularly hilarious because they are orange with bright red nipples.
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Painterly, that is a genius idea. I am going to do that too. xxxx
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Momine - do you use them ever? How do they work? I think that they would be lighter than the prosthesis!
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del
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Hi Linda,
That looks like a great site. Thanks for sharing it. There's another place, called Knitty, that also has directions for knitting forms, which were provided by a woman who has her own website, called Titbits. Here are the knitting directions: http://www.knitty.com/ISSUEfall05/PATTbits.html. I thought you might find it interesting to compare the different sets of directions. Not being a knitter, I have no idea.
Also, if you want to buy already-knitted forms, you can do that at Titbits: http://www.titbits.ca/v1/tb_shop.html. I bought a pair several years ago. They're very light and adorable-looking, but I find that they look a little lumpy in my bras. That is, they aren't smooth, like most fabric-covered foam forms or like silicone. They might work, though, if you wore them with a molded bra.
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Thanks Momine!
Knitted knockers, how interesting is that! Gosh, I can knit (LOL). I hate the idea that these prosthesis are so expensive. Thanks for posting Linda! I just took a look and will keep the link on file.
Bobogirl: my trick of flattening my boobs was noticeable, as a couple of women commented on my appearance and asked if I had lost weight. I replied no, that it was probably just a weight redistribution. I realise now that my former bras were a bit too padded. I play golf and the golf shirts are very thin and I hate showing my nipples, so hence the padded bras. They obviously made me look bigger than I was.
The weather is a bit gloomy here in Montreal with dirty snow piled up everywhere. It is a dramatic change from looking at the Florida landscape bathed in the soft glow of a southern sky.
Oh, I have another question:
Someone pointed out to me (I think it was the gal who sells the prosthesis!) that when we don't have boobs any more, we need the prosthesis to support our upper bodies otherwise we will stoop over. Has this happened to any of you that you felt that your body was falling forward? I would have thought the opposite would happen, no boobs to pull you forward, therefore you would hold your back up straighter?
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