I look for other flat chested women. A rant.
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Erica, you are probably right about needing a molded bra to disguise some of the lumps, that was my first impression with the fluffy things the hospital gave me. Thanks for posting these links. I will take a look.
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Painterly: I still think it's a genius idea. No worries if it's noticed.
That woman who said that about stooping or falling over is full of cr*p! I can't imagine that would be true. Why not just strengthen your core muscles, for example? And what about women who are flat from birth? They don't fall over!
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LOL I can't see how not having boobs would make you stoop forward. That doesn't even make sense! I did wonder about weight distribution with a UMX and whether that might theoretically cause some balance/posture issues... I don't know... but I doubt that lady had any clue what she was talking about!
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Painterly,
Many fitters still say that but it's not true--not only will you not stoop more, you may be able to stand up straighter more easily! While some women who have unilateral mastectomies may find that wearing a prosthesis helps them feel more balanced, as long as you're symmetrical (i.e. flat on both sides) no need for breast forms unless you want them.
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As long as you´re symmetrical - I am not and I am so unhappy about that and my physio says it does cause problems as there is uneven weight distribution around my spine - i am double D cup - I am even thinking of losing the remaining breast, after all what use is it, I don´t enjoy it as it only reminds me of the one that is missing and makes me feel like a freak a Cyclops, the one eyed one headed monster...........I was promised recon but thsat was a CON as its now not likely unless I win the lottery.........I am not going to let a normal surgeon try and construct a breast shape from the mess that is left so am here on this thread trying to see if I can cope with going flat - so far though surgeons have refused a prophylatic even though i had lobular cancer..........
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Indenial--I had my BMX on Feb. 27th, too! My surgeon was very uncomfortable with me choosing no recon. I felt pressured and went to a PS, and then went back to my BS and told her to do a nice job making me flat
I am surprised at how happy I am with my decision. Like you, I expect to grieve, but I know I'll be okay. I still feel beautiful.
I'm 53, so I wouldn't have been doing anymore nursing -- but nursing my son was about the best thing ever!! I'm so grateful I was able to do that.
MT1--I love your spirit! Thanks for this thread!0 -
Linda, I have worn the knitted ones. Once, in the summer, I wore them in a light cami and went for a walk. All these guys were ogling me and I could not figure out why the hell they were ogling grandma, until I looked down at the knitted nipples and went "oops!" Dd laughed her ass off when I told her the effect of her handiwork.
Painterly, the thing about needing the weight of the forms to balance the body etc may be true in some rare cases, but I think it is mostly piles of bull excrement. Granted, I did not have gigantic boobs before (small C maybe), but I have not experienced any ill effect on my posture. Any change with regard to movement etc has been positive. I feel more comfortable and freer.
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Lily55... I'm so sorry you are feeling so badly! Where do you live? What kind of insurance do you have? I can't believe they would tell you no prophylactic, no recon, etc. That's not right!! You should absolutely have the choice! People who don't even have cancer can choose to have a BMX.
I chose bilateral primarily for risk in the opposite breast, cysts, family history, etc., but all the things you mentioned definitely factored into my decision too. I think it would have been incredibly hard for me to have only one breast removed and I almost felt like I was giving myself a gift by choosing bilateral. I don't regret my choice at all and I don't imagine that I ever will. I hope you can find a doctor who will support your choices or that you are able to find some kind of peace in all this. HUGS.
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Thank you
I am in Spain where sensitivity is definitely not the name of the game!! I don´t have enough tissue for a lat dorsi and that is all there is on offer unless I go private and spend five figure sums - there does not seem to be any real appreciation or empathy for anyone trying to live lop sided and I am truly very unhappy like it, the lack of balance and symmetry is what upsets me the most, my remaining breast is no use to me as it just reminds me of the one i lost and I cannot enjoy it sexually and it forces me to wear false things to look ok in clothes......etc I am bored of feeling like this and reminded EVERY day relentlessly
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Painterly, that's simply silly about the stooping. The opposite can happen - women with huge boobs can be bothered by the weight pulling them down, but the breast in no way functionally props up the chest. My gosh, look at any 90 year old woman. Breasts aren't static - they start a steady downward journey at some point - and if we were leaning on them to keep our posture up all of us who lived long enough would bend to at least 90 degrees. Of course, a lot of women do get bent over, but that's the unfortunate result of osteoporosis, not downward boob migration.
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Hi all. Haven't checked in for a while. Have been at the hospital constantly for the last two weeks for my beloved MIL, who sadly died last Friday of COPD at the age of 98.
Indenial, any doctor who says that you're not as beautiful as you were deserves a comback, yeah, but you're as stupid and insensitive as you ever were. Frankly, he deserves it after a swift kick to the groin, but I suppose that's assault and therefore a bad thing.
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Hello all,
Oh how nice to know you - even in cyberspace. I live in Ireland. My husband is from NC. I had a mastectomy, left side. In Ireland bilateral is not an option unless you have the BRAC gene, and even then it's not commonly done. While it is culturally normal for me that a doctor would not offer a surgery that isn't medically indicated, I do often think it might be nice to be even, instead of lopsided. But perhaps I would not think that if I actually had it, one can never know. Here's what I hate: that I wear track suits and loud check shirts with pockets, and no pretty feminine clothes. I am one year out from my surgery and I have never been able to get my head around wearing a prosthesis. Please do not think I am making any judgement on anybody who does wear one, I am only talking about myself and how I feel. For some reason I feel like it is so silly. That I could not do it. It probably doesn't help that I have not worn a bra in 16 years, since breastfeeding my first child. So the idea of strapping on a bra and then sticking something fake in it is just not where I am at. Again please please do not think that I think anyone else is silly for doing this - good on you for doing whatever to takes to feel better after this cancer deal. It is only me that feels silly about me. So I wear clothes that don't reflect me, because they disguise the lopsidedness. I have to admit it upsets me a little. Then I feel bad because I feel I should be more grateful just to be alive, and I am. Husbands can't really be expected to understand this stuff, in truth I think my husband is glad I still have a breast, though he would love me without one too I know. But to him this would probably sound like a lot of foolish self pity. Alexandria58, I'm sorry for your loss. The death of a mother or grandmother is a huge loss, at any age. Here in my home too we have just lost a really wonderful MIL, died 5th March after a 2 year heroic struggle with colon cancer, she was 73. It's a wakeup call to be grateful for what she was, how brave she was, and to get on with my life. I DO know there is much more to life than worrying about why it is I feel the way I do about the prosthesis. But I would frankly love to hear did anyone else ever feel like this? Love to all of youXX
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Feline, I don't think that is silly at all. The foobs did feel a bit funny to me in the beginning, but I also was not sure about going totally flat at that point. Now I am more comfortable with the idea (in part thanks to the ongoing discussion here).
However, I think you should try to find some clothes that are more you and still give the cover you want. There has to be something out there.
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Feline, would wearing feminine clothes with a scarf draped over your MX side feel right to you?
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Feline,
Sometimes I wear my prosthetic and more often than not I don't. Like many of us here, I am lopsided as well. Scarves, as river rat mentioned, and I tend to wear alot of black, so everything is just less obvious anyway. Light jackets and vests work as well. As summer comes on here in New England I will have to figure out a new approach. More and more I am just comfortable with being lopsided. I hardly ever wore a bra before BC, a gilr of the 70's, so really dislike wearing one now.
Be well,
Nel
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Feelingfeline: If you are on Facebook, you may want to consider joining the Flat & Fabulous closed group. Your post makes me think our group would be of interest to you. Some wear forms and many of us do not. Some chose no reconstruction from the beginning and others have had a failed recon, deconstructed or are just considering their options. There are a number of members just now recovering from surgery and others whose surgery is still coming up. While there is a higher percentage of women with bilateral, we do have and welcome our growing group of members with a uni. In fact one of our members line is "Symmetry is overrated." If you are interested and are on FB, you would search for Flat & Fabulous or Flat And Fabulous just as if you were searching for a person, and the group will come up with a daisy icon. You would click on it and then click on "Join Group" at the cover screen. In about a month and a half, we now have approx. 175 members from around the world. We have quite a number of members from here on BCO, especially this thread. You and anyone else that feels this might apply to you, we invite you to join us.
Barbara
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feline, I understand what you are saying. I had only one breast for about 18 months and it was a fashion nightmare for me...and yes, I did feel silly about the foob, but also about wearing clothes to disguise the one side. I still don't care for the foobs, but then I remind myself if I had no teeth, I would probably wear false ones...so for me, there is a time and place for foobs. In the winter, I don't bother, in the heat of the summer, then fashion gets more tricky without them. But I do embrace the flat look too.
I would suggest you embrace scarves, I have a few that are just strands of yarn tied in a knot at the back of the neck, and the strands hang down in front. then you can really wera what ever clothing you like.
I did end up losing my second breast....there were three places and the biopsy came back suspicious on all three, so I chose to have the second breast removed.
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Thanks for all those replies! The scarves is a great idea. I have a drawer full of cheap pretty ones, got them in advance of the chemo thinking I would need them but actually I went around bald at home and found a very nice, comfortable wig for out, so they have languished there ever since. I must revisit them now. BTW as a newcomer to the site I got a great chuckle from the word "foobs" which I had never heard before. Anyone remember the Koozbanian Phoobs on the Muppets?
lots of love XXX
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I had BMX ten days ago. I chose mastectomy for the unaffected breast, not for any prophylactic benefit, but because I thought I’d be more comfortable with zero DDD-sized breasts than one. My BS has been great and never pushed reconstruction.
So far, I’m loving being flat-chested. I have several of the Jockey tanks, which are soft and comfortable to wear under my shirts while incisions are healing.
I’d also like a camisole/tank that will hold small breast forms in place. The Handful camisole looks good, but is bit expensive. Does anyone have recommendations for something similar, but lower cost?
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I had a BMX and don't wear prosthetics. I tried them on and didn't get them, even though insurance paid for it. Too uncomfortable. I don't know what I would do if I only had one, so I cannot speak to that. That said, I wear all the clothes I did prior to surgery, including the lower cut, fitted ones. I paid dearly for that scar and if it makes someone uncomfortable, well, don't look. I gave my housekeeper all of my good, beautiful, sexy. expensive bras (I could probably retired on what I spent), and I still do feel sexy. I just changed from buying sexy bras to buying sexy panties.
I have chosen to see my body as sexy, scars and all. I have scars from my BMX, hysterectomy, and gall bladder removal. They made me strong. I am a cancer warrior, I am not yet a survivor. This is not a judgment on anyone, just how I feel.
On the flip side, I'm still bald from chemo and wear a bit more make-up than I used to and never leave the house without jewelry, especially earrings. I guess those are my prosthetics.
Feelingfeline and Alexandria58 ~ I'm sorry for your losses.
To everyone: You are here and can still read this. You are a warrior. You are a survivor. You are strong and through that strength, you are beautiful. Be confident in that and the sexiness will come through. Breasts don't make women sexy, confidence does.
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I had my BMX yesterday. Boy am I ever flat...I look so skinny ....makes my head look big !
Did any of you ladies feel a tightness across the top of your chest? I have two drains. My chest feels so tight. I feel I am being squeezed.
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Painterly, yes, the iron bra feeling will unfortunately be hanging around for a bit. It DOES ease, but not as quickly as we would like.
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Oh, I definitely had the tightness. Still get it now and then depending on what top I wear. My surgeon told me I have phantom sensation of my breasts still being there.
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Painterly ~ Yes and on occasion, I still do.
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Had a bit if tightness for couple of weeks, but then fine. Funny about phantom pain; started to get quite a lot of it a few months later - very odd and annoying as couldn't scratch the itchy feeling away! A lady on this board suggested I rub my hands over my chest after showering, so that my brain would "recognise" that my boobs were gone. It worked!!! I used to wear foobs, but stopped over a year ago. Love the slim flat look!
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Thanks Ladies!
Momine: when you made your pockets for your camis and bras to hold a prosthesis what kind of material did you use?
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You can buy ready-made pockets from TLC and Anita, but after tfutzing a bit, I took one of dh's old Hanes Ts and used the material from that. I have also bought cheap mastectomy bras on sale at TLC and sown those inside the cami (without the straps and back). You can also take a regular bra and sew the cups on the outside of a snug fitting tank, leaving an opening for the foobs, but that may not work all the time. Someone here tried it and it did not work for her.
Lastly, because I do not have easy access to mastectomy products, I also scour the local cheapo lingerie shops once in a while, to see what they have. In one I found some yoga tops, that were like a light sports bra and had double fabric. It is similar to a genie bra, except it fits better and doesn't bother my lymph nodes. With something like that, you just put some stitces down the front (so the foobs stay on their respective sides) then cut a small opening at the armhole towards the shoulder for sticking in a foob.
Obviously all of the above only really work with light foobs of some kind, like the beanies or foam.
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Maryah930, wonderful post, and you are right, breasts don't make women sexy...thank you for this confidence-builder!
I loved your comment about your prosthetics...earrings!! me too, I wear wonderful fun earrings now, if I feel too flat I pull on a light scarf and I am ready to cope with the world...no foobs, and flat. Actually I am more than flat, I am concave.
painterly, Yes, that tight feeling stayed with me for weeks and then finally one day it was gone. it feels like you have a way too tight bra on, but you don't! It will get easier, it sure will. take good care of yourself...and ask questions here. I wish I had known about this group when i had my first mastectomy.
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I hear the iron bra comment and I know the too tight feeling but mine was more like a steel band which ran high as you could go under the arm and around the whole chest. I am nearly 3 yrs out and the tiniest pressure will still set it off right at the junction of the chest and the underarm. The section of a bra where it transitions from the strap to the side of the cup and on around under the arm will really set it off. It is of course much better than in the beginning but definitely not gone. The iron bra always throws me because mine seems above what is covered by a bra.
Barbara
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tx anne, Any camisole with a shelf bra can be converted into one that will hold foobs. I used swimsuit fabric for the cups (not the liner fabric, but the suit fabric). I added a pocket to my swimsuit (which had a little bra) and made a foob of nylon net. The net drains easily and it's sewn in place, so won't go floating off. I feel I need to do something because I'm a uni.
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